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Sometimes Camila purposely tries to touch my hand, letting her fingers brush against them and sometimes I let her but most of the times, I pulled away. She never really said anything about it but she usually ignored me afterwards. It hurts but I’m not brave enough.
Behind doors however, I dominated her. I wasn’t ashamed or afraid of showing her how much I care or how much I wanted her. She lets me do anything I wished and I wanted to punch myself in the face for not being brave enough but she understands.
‘I love you’
She said as I was on top of her. It’s not the first time but I know it’s no longer in a friendship—friends with benefits—fuck buddies—kind of way, because her eyes told different stories and emotions.
I didn’t say it back but I smiled and after few seconds, she smiled back. She leaned forward and kissed me. I worshipped her body for the third time that night.
~
I saw a picture of her with him with fans. She didn’t say anything about going out with anyone and we’ve been texting the whole day. He had his arm on her waist and she was slightly leaning her head on his shoulder. I swore I almost threw up.
Two hours later, I received a text. A goodnight text she usually sent every night. I asked where she was and she answered truthfully because I knew they’re not official but then again we weren’t official, yet that didn’t stop us both from screaming each other’s name.
~
We were at a party with everyone. It’s one of the crew’s birthdays; I didn’t ask who but probably the younger one because there were lots of teens. The music was loud and it was pretty dark. I was getting a drink when I felt a body against me. It was her. She had her eyes closed so she probably didn’t even notice me. I smirked and poked her cheek. She giggled, opened her eyes but kept dancing. She then put her hand on my hip and I dropped the cup.
He came behind her, kissed her cheek and I saw red. I turned around and kissed the first person I bumped into. I didn’t even know who but I kept going.
When I arrived at the hotel room, I received a goodnight text. I ignored her and went to bed.
~
She still came whenever I asked her to. We always ended up naked with our legs tangled and her head on my chest.
~
I sat beside her after an interview. She had her eyes on her phone the whole time, forgetting the food in front of her. I clenched my jaw when I saw tint of blush appeared on both of her cheeks. I rolled my eyes and focused on the food. Dinah asked who she was texting and I heard she said his name so I walked out the room.
~
‘I love you’
She said while sitting on top of me and I said it back.
~
She mistook me for a fan during a photo for meet and greet. She kissed my cheek and I flinched. I’m pretty sure the fan noticed so I smiled at the fan and moved places with her.
~
I met my childhood friend. He’s cute and kind. He asked if I was seeing anyone, I thought of her and I said no. He took me out to a movie and kissed me when he dropped me off.
She texted me goodnight and asked what I was doing. I told her I was with Normani.
~
That guy came to one of the concert. He was following me around because he didn’t know anyone else. She asked who he was when I was throwing the leftovers and I told her a childhood friend.
She spent the night kissing me and asking who he was again. I told her the same answer and she nodded.
~
I was having dinner with him when she approached us. She smiled at him and introduced herself. She left afterward and I told him I wasn’t feeling well. I caught her hand just before she walk inside the elevator.
She told me to get my shit together and I yelled back about him. She rolled her eyes and pushed the button again. I wrapped my arm around her once we both got inside the elevator and kissed her neck.
‘I love you’
I whispered and she pressed the button to my floor.
I woke up alone the next morning.
~
That boy was being touchy one night and she let him. He even kissed her in public and she smiled.
I texted Jake to come and watch a movie with and I kissed him.
I woke up with a goodnight text and she asked where I was. I lied and said I was sick but I had a feeling that she knew I was lying.
~
I ended up really being sick the next day and I failed to get up from bed. I heard the door and assumed it was Normani but I saw set of familiar brown eyes and asked why she was here. She didn’t answer but dropped a damp cloth on my forehead.
~
I went out with Jake whenever she was with him. I always told her I was with Normani or Ally if she asked, but eventually she stopped asking.
~
She asked if I was with Jake and I said no. She asked if I wanted to be with him and I said no. She told me he asked her out and that she said yes. My heart dropped and I pinned her on the bed and told her I loved her. Her eyes soften and I kissed every inch of her body.
She was gone when I woke up.
~
She saw Jack holding my hand and kissed me and she asked me to meet see her in the bathroom. She was furious and I laughed and mentioned his name. She had her hand on the door handle when I shoved her against the door and fucked her.
When she was fixing her hair, her boyfriend came and knocked on the door asking if she was okay. She kissed my cheek and walked out the door, holding his hand.
~
I was on my phone, reblogging posts when Sex by the 1975 came out. I never really liked the song because of how mainstream it was but I listened carefully at the lyrics. I found myself crying and I ran to her room.
I kissed her and told her I love her. She said it back and we spent the night in bed with the same song on repeat. She didn’t question it but I saw the pain in her eyes.
~
She asked me if I wanted to be with her with her head on my chest and I choked her name. She said she would break up with him but I didn’t say anything so she put on her clothes. I pulled her down the bed.
‘I love you’
I whispered against her lips. She pulled away, gave me small smile, kissed my forehead and walked out the room.
She no longer texts me goodnight.