Chapter Text
Chapter 1 – Why did you kiss me?
It started after the first kiss.
Not immediately after, but a few days later. When it’d started to feel like everything had gone back to normal. When they’d started getting the hang of ignoring the giant elephant in every room they were in together.
It started in a room that was empty. Until Soojin walked in.
She stopped in front of the kitchen sink, just staring at the pile of dirty dishes that had been there since last night. And she cursed under her breath.
“Seriously…”
She looked around the kitchen for a moment, as if the dishes would magically disappear by the time she looked back. They didn’t. And there was nothing particularly special about this moment for it to be the last straw for her, but it was.
She cursed again, spun around on her heels, and marched right back out of the kitchen.
She wasn’t even hungry anymore, she was just angry. She paused in the middle of the living room, trying to get her wayward emotions in check. She shouldn’t be this angry. She shouldn’t be on the verge of exploding, so why—
And it was then that she heard the muffled sound of gunfire coming from behind Shuhua’s bedroom door. A quick glance to the oven clock told her it was nearing midnight.
“Of course,” she scoffed.
Not a moment later and she was in front of the door, knocking sharply. The gaming sounds didn’t stop, but a loud “Come in, come in!” rang out instead.
Soojin opened the door and just stared at the sight that greeted her.
Shuhua was hunched over in her chair, dressed in the same green shirt she’d been wearing the last three days, hands busily tapping at her video game controller. The shooting sounds were almost deafening now, but the youngest didn’t seem to mind. Her eyes only left the screen for a second to confirm which of her two roommates had come in.
“Oh, Soojin-unnie! Give me a second, I’m almost finished with—yah! Who just shot me?! Do you need glasses? Shooting your own teammate, wow! Wow, that’s seriously on another level. You better come revive me, wow, they must really need glasses—”
“Shuhua.” Soojin’s voice was soft, but it had enough steel to cut through the youngest’s ramblings.
“Yeah,” she responded, but her focus was still on her screen.
“Yeh Shuhua.”
And it was never a good thing to be called by your full name, so Shuhua did the smart thing and fully turned her head to look back at Soojin. “Mhm, what’s up?”
“How loud do you think you’re being right now?”
“Oh, sorry, I can turn it down if—”
“It’s late,” Soojin cut her off. She found she had very little interest in hearing the younger girl’s excuses. Maybe she just didn’t want to hear her voice at all. “And we have a schedule tomorrow.”
“Yeah, sorry.” Shuhua actually went ahead and turned the speaker volume almost all the way down. “I’ll be done soon, don’t worry. Once this dummy revives me, then—don’t worry. Almost done, I promise.” She gave a hearty thumbs up with one of those smiles that was more cheeks than lips, then turned quickly back to her video game.
Shuhua was already back on her virtual feet by the time Soojin finally decided to leave the room. Why’d she come in here anyway? What had she accomplished? Absolutely fucking nothing.
“Really…” Soojin cursed under her breath as she left.
She felt restless.
She found herself walking from the kitchen to the living room and back again, in a continuous loop that only managed to work her up instead of calming her down. Maybe if she knew why she felt this way. Maybe she should just go back to sleep—
She stopped in front of her own room, staring at the bed and the covers she’d thrown to one side because she couldn’t sleep. That’s right, she couldn’t sleep. She’d decided to make something to eat. And then she’d found the mountain of dishes in the sink—
“Yeh Shuhua, seriously!” Soojin suddenly burst out, almost involuntarily. She subconsciously knew that no one could hear her: Miyeon was still out and Shuhua was completely wrapped up in her game. But it felt good to yell, if only a little. If only for herself. “Always! Every single time!” She stormed back to the kitchen, suddenly filled with a new purpose. “You never do the dishes, not once? Ah… this is ridiculous…” She grabbed the first thing she saw—a pot that she’d made yesterday’s seaweed soup in—and she flipped on the faucet to the highest setting. She watched the water fill the pot with a vengeance and felt strangely vindicated. “Every time…”
And that’s how Miyeon found her a half-hour later.
Elbow-deep in suds, angrily scrubbing at a stubborn stain on a frying pan.
“I thought it was Shuhua’s turn to do the dishes,” the eldest greeted innocently.
Soojin huffed, but bit her tongue to stop herself from responding. This would be the cleanest this pan had ever been.
“I brought back some street food if you want.” Miyeon carefully laid out the bags in her hand on the counter. She glanced towards the closed door with light leaking out from underneath. “Is Shuhua still up?”
“Does she ever sleep?”
“She was playing games when I left at 5 this morning,” Miyeon mused almost to herself. “Hmm, I hope she got some rest today. And we have a schedule tomorrow—”
“Done.” Soojin clapped her hands after placing the last spoon in the drying rack. She walked over to the counter and picked up the first snack she saw. “Manager-unnie let you buy these?” She bit into the fried pastry, hoping to appease the part of her emotions that hadn’t been sated by her vigorous dishwashing. It tasted good, at least.
“I walked back after she dropped me off,” Miyeon replied cheekily. She picked up her own snack and happily started eating. “That’s why I got back so late. I thought both of you would be sleeping.”
“So you bought these for yourself.”
“I would’ve left some for you guys,” she whined cutely.
“Right,” Soojin scoffed, shaking her head. “Thank you for the food.”
“I’ll go see if Shuhua wants some.” Miyeon grabbed a grease-spotted bag and skipped over to the youngest’s bedroom.
Soojin tried not to listen to the bits of their conversation that floated out to her ears and it was made all the easier by the fact that Shuhua’s responses were uncharacteristically quiet.
When Miyeon came back empty-handed and with a smile on her face, Soojin had no idea how to read into it.
“She lost her last game,” the eldest reported. “She’s really really bad, but she doesn’t believe me. Says it’s her teammates’ fault.”
Soojin snorted, but didn’t say anything else. How very familiar.
The two of them stayed in the kitchen for a few more minutes, quietly snacking and winding down from their days.
Miyeon threw in the towel first. “Bright and early tomorrow, right? 6 am?” She confirmed as she started walking towards her room.
“Mhm,” Soojin nodded.
“Don’t be late.”
“Look who’s talking.”
“Night,” Miyeon called as she disappeared down the hallway.
And then, Soojin was alone again. She glanced at the clock. 12:44 am. She really should get some sleep now. She’d washed the dishes, she’d gotten food, she’d even had a nice little conversation with her fellow group member. What more did she need? Surely she could fall asleep now, right?
But, like a siren call, Shuhua’s closed door drew her eyes towards it once again. The lights were still on. Why wasn’t she asleep?
“This girl…” Soojin felt like all she did these days was curse at Shuhua. That wasn’t a particularly healthy relationship to have with a fellow member, was it? And why, why, why was she still so… restless?
Soojin washed her hands, put away the rest of the snacks, turned off the kitchen lights, stared at the clock for a couple of minutes, then finally, finally—
For some reason she was in front of Shuhua’s door.
She knocked once, too soft to hear really, then just opened the door and stepped in.
And there, sitting in her chair, headphones on this time, was Shuhua. Still playing her game. Miyeon’s proffered snack bag sat precariously on the edge of her desk, opened wide to allow for easy handling between rounds. She didn’t notice Soojin’s entrance, which meant that the main dancer had ample time to come up with a reason for why she’d come in. But she couldn’t find one.
And the giant elephant in the room was too distracting anyway.
“Yeh Shuhua.”
And of course she couldn’t hear her, the headphones—the headphones had to go.
So Soojin stepped forward and whipped off the offending headset before Shuhua could realize what was going on. The look of surprise on her face was genuine and it only made Soojin more frustrated. More restless. More—
“Huh? Soojin-unnie, what—”
“You don’t listen to me. Why don’t you listen to me?”
“Um… I don’t—of course I listen to you. What is this about? Did you say something that I didn’t hear—” Her wide eyes and innocent face were mocking Soojin, they had to be.
“You can’t just do whatever you want all the time, Shuhua.”
“I don’t…”
The screen suddenly went dark as Shuhua’s character died. Through the headphones in her hands, Soojin could hear the colorful complaints from the other girl’s in-game teammates. She’d rather listen to her virtual fake team, than her real one, Soojin thought bitterly. And then she knew something was wrong. Why was she so angry at Shuhua? Over a few plates? Not even on her worst days PMSing would she overreact this badly. No, this… this was something else. And then it clicked like a puzzle piece that had been hiding under the couch.
It was that fucking kiss, wasn’t it?
“Why did you kiss me?”
Shuhua’s eyes went impossibly wider at the question. She stiffened in her seat, hands clamping on her armrests in a vice grip. Her mouth opened and closed several times, before she finally let out a pitiful, “I’m sorry.”
And that. Just. Wasn’t enough.
Not even close.
So Soojin kissed her. She had to, really. It felt like her body had been wanting to do that for a long time now.
She grabbed and tilted the other girl’s head up so she could press her lips firmly against the shocked pair. And then she really kissed her. Not like the quick peck Shuhua had stolen from her a few days ago. This time she moved her lips, this time she set the pace, this time she didn’t let go until their breaths were heavy and they’d started to make some very, very inappropriate noises.
When Soojin finally pulled away and opened her eyes, the elephant in the room was gone, but Shuhua was still there. Looking back at her like she was seeing her for the first time. Their eyes met and held for a long, indescribable moment.
Soojin playfully jostled the other girl’s head once before releasing her with a tight smile. “Go to sleep.”
Shuhua nodded, rendered mute for the first time in years. Not since she’d first come to Korea had she been this quiet.
“Nothing to say?” Soojin couldn’t help but tease her.
“Why… Why did you kiss me?”
“I asked you first,” she replied with a raised eyebrow. But when no answer came, Soojin decided it was time to go. That was enough excitement for the night. She placed the stolen headphones on the cluttered desk and made her way to the door. She felt remarkably lighter already. And maybe also a little light-headed and dizzy. Sleep. That’s what she needed now. Some good old-fashioned—
“Soojin-unnie?” A meek voice called before she could leave.
“Hmm?” She turned back, her heart beating unexpectedly fast in her chest.
“Ah… Nothing… Good night.”
Soojin swallowed, feeling slightly parched and vaguely dissatisfied. “Night, Shuhua.”