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The papers in his hand felt like they weighed tons more than they did. Or perhaps not the papers themselves, but the contents of those fateful sheets. Once he showed them to his husband, there’d be a change in their lives. A really big change at that.
He swallowed, trying to gather his nerves. The papers shook in his hands.
It wouldn’t really be too big a surprise, or so he hoped. They had spoken on the topic here and there over their years as a pair. It wasn’t going to be a total shock to present those papers (he hoped). It was just going to be a presentation of the fact that he felt ready and hoped Seokjin did too.
Though every moment that he sat there pondering the potential reaction to the papers he held, the more his anxiety spiked. As much as he wanted to believe they were on the same page, there was always room for doubt. He knew he’d be fine if his husband said he wasn’t ready, but he also knew that it’d sadden his heart to wait anymore time to begin the process.
The papers were a doorway. A step in the long path ahead. It was a long and trying process, but one he was eager to get walking on.
A wet nose nudged at his hand.
Namjoon barely flinched as he lifted his gaze from the papers to the dog currently staring at him. He huffed a small laugh and reached up with his free hand to rub the great dane on her head.
Bambi had been their trial run in a way. The dane had grown up to be a giant toddler. When she wasn’t pretending to be a lap dog, she was fussing for attention, or for some play time, or to go on a walk. She was a rather docile tempered dog, but got vocal when she felt neglected from cuddles or pets. Bambi was their gentle giant, and they both adored her.
They had both hoped that getting a dog would be a good step into trying parenting. Everyone knew that great danes were just giant puppies, which was a bonus. But they had had to raise Bambi into the patient, well mannered, and potty trained girl she was. It had been really hard some days, but so worth it. She was their fur baby through and through.
Now though.. Namjoon glanced back down at the papers. Now he was ready to give real parenting a shot. He just really hoped Seokjin was too.
There was still a few hours left until Seokjin would be home. So in order to further abate his anxious thoughts, Namjoon decided to have some quality Bambi time. He laid the papers on the table and then turned his attention back to the dane, who had been watching him intently.
Her tail started wagging slightly as they made eye contact.
Namjoon smiled and repositioned himself on the couch and patted gently at his lap. “Come on big girl, come up for cuddles.”
Bambi jumped in place, letting loose a few excited awoo sounds, and then clambered onto the couch alongside him.
He shrieked in laughter at her excited antics, groaning shortly thereafter as her colossal form thumped down on top of him. “You’re such a cuddle monster,” he wheezed.
Bambi, of course, paid him no mind and plopped her head down beside his.
It was.. a lot of weight to have laying on a person. But Namjoon had learned to get used to it. His girl was a cuddler, no matter how large she was.
They laid together in peace. Bambi gradually fell asleep cuddling him, and had begun snoring in his ear. It was so perfectly normal that he had almost forgotten why he was anxious in the first place. Such was the effect of a giant, breathing, weighted blanket.
Namjoon was even quite sure he had managed to doze off at one point. The clock struck three, and shortly after Seokjin was coming through the front door.
He stirred at the sound, huffing a small laugh when he realized Bambi had not even flinched. It wasn’t surprising per say, but was still amusing.
Seokjin crept into the living room, peering around curiously. His face crinkled into a bright smile when he met Namjoon’s gaze. “Ah, seems it was nap time, sorry I missed the memo.”
He laughed, absentmindedly rubbing Bambi’s flank. “It was kinda impromptu babe, sorry you didn’t have an invite.”
Jin leaned over and planted a kiss on his lips. “It’s alright, I’ll catch the next one.” He chuckled and kissed Bambi’s head too. “Can’t believe you’re sleeping through me coming home again, child. The disrespect I get in this house.”
Bambi lifted her head, yawning loudly in Jin’s direction.
Namjoon could feel her tail wacking against his leg. It was very cute.
“Oh so now you give me attention,” Seokjin huffed. He lowered his face with the intent to kiss her head again, but got some licks to the face instead. Jin chortled out a surprised laugh, reeling back out of her range. “Yeah I love you too kiddo. Though I could do without having saliva covering my face.”
Bambi bobbed her head as she spoke back to him, eventually ending her speech in a whining yawn.
“Wow, I had no idea you had so much on your mind,” Jin replied, “thanks for telling me girl.” His gaze flickered over, “Do you have anything to share, Joonie?”
Namjoon gulped and averted his eyes. “Uhhh maybe? I just didn’t wanna… I was gonna wait until you had settled in for the night to-”
Seokjin smiled patiently, “We can talk it over now, I don’t mind.”
He nodded and maneuvered his way out from under Bambi, who grumbled the whole way, and slid to sit on the floor. He shuffled a bit nervously when his husband came in a little closer.
“So what is it Joonie?” He asked softly.
He cleared his throat, suddenly finding it thick with emotion. “I uhh, t-there’s something I picked up today and I wanted to bring it t-to you to see what you thought about it?”
Seokjin, ever gentle and understanding, reached over to snag one of his hands in his grasp. “Hey take a few breaths, Joonie, it’s alright. What did you pick up, hmm?”
Namjoon pushed the papers in his direction, grasping tightly at his hand as his anxiety picked up again. Behind him, Bambi shuffled around and thumped her head on his shoulder. He sagged slightly, a smile pulling at the side of his mouth.
His husband was silent for a long time.
When he finally worked up the courage to look over at Seokjin, he was shocked to find the other was crying silently. “J-Jinnie?? What’s wrong? Did… Is it too much?”
Seokjin shook his head, a smile spread on his lips. “I’m just overwhelmed,” he croaked, “that you wanna have a kid with me. I love you so much N-Namjoonie.”
Namjoon broke into cries too, slumping forward into Seokjin’s embrace. He was so glad that all of his worries had been for nothing. “I love you t-too, there’s nothing I want more than to have kids with you.”
There were a lot of tears, a lot of kisses, and a lot of hugs after that (plus indignant cuddles from their oversized lapdog). They slowly went through the initial paperwork, thus preparing them for the long journey of adoption.
Neither of them could wait for the day that they’d have a kid running around their home.
A wet nose poking at his cheek awoke him just before the sound of crying did. Namjoon shot up blearily and patted Bambi’s head as he stumbled towards the crib in the corner of the room. He cleared his throat and bent down to pick up the toddler that was already reaching out to him.
“Hey hey, it’s alright Sominnie,” he mumbled as he stroked through her growing hair. She clutched onto him, and despite the tears that were soaking into his shirt, the feeling of her tiny body hugging close.
It had been a long, winding road full of pitfalls and disappointments until they had finally gotten that perfect match. The mother that had decided to have her toddler be put in a new home was physically unable to care for her properly, and had been alone in trying to. He and Seokjin had made friends with her instantly and were determined to keep up the bond, even if they didn’t end up being her choice for the care of her child. The woman was all on her own and could use the moral support, so they both endeavored to offer it where they could.
Then, just a few weeks later, their lawyer called to let them know they had officially been chosen as Somin’s new family.
Namjoon was sure that there would be nothing he could do in life that was as emotionally trying as the adoption process had been. But it had paid off in the end.
Somin calmed down easily in his arms, slumping against him.
He smiled and swayed from side to side in a soothing motion. Freeing one hand to rub over Bambi’s head as she stood watching the two of them.
Of the three of them, Seokjin and Namjoon were proud to find that Bambi had settled in the most to their newest addition. She became Somin’s giant guardian. Amazingly, she had even settled down enough that they didn’t worry about collisions or anything.
Their family was perfect and happy. (If only their little one could stay asleep through the night!)
Namjoon continued comforting Somin as she settled.
Warm arms wrapped around his middle from behind, a familiar form molding against his back. “Hey love,” Seokjin murmured, “everything alright?”
He hummed, tilting his head to the side a bit to let Jin see over his shoulder.
His husband smiled against his neck. “Ah a cutie. Though I wish she’d be able to stay asleep. It doesn’t bug me to tend to her but it’s not exactly conducive to her high energy during the day.”
“Yeah I know…” Not that he’d ever complain about dealing with a tiny grump in the mornings. It was too adorable for him to feel anything besides absolutely endeared.
Having a little soul enter their life had been their dream, and they had finally gotten just that despite the trials of the process itself.
Namjoon knew that he had opened the depths of his heart to their little girl, and they weren’t soon to close.
“We’ll get there,” Jin assured quietly. One of his hands dropped to pat Bambi’s flank. “She’s got her whole family here to support her towards full night rests. We’ll get there.”
They would be fine, Namjoon had always known they would be.