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His first impression of the half-fox was disgust. His scent was almost completely obscured by those of the ugly human’s. At that moment, Kidomaru knew that he and this half-spirit will never get along.
“Seimei, this is your senior, Kidomaru.” Master Tadayuki gave the white-haired boy a reassuring pat in the back, encouraging him to speak.
But the Master had told him to conceal his differences. He had to blend in with those he didn’t like. Kamo no Tadayuki was his father figure and saviour. He knew Master’s words were for his own good. For his sake, Kidomaru wore the mask yet again.
The boy was a few years younger than him. Timidly, he reached out for a handshake. “Pleased to meet you, senpai .”
Don’t let them see what you really are. Humans fear those that they don’t understand.
Kidomaru smiled and took the half-fox’s extended hand. “Pleased to meet you too.”
For a second, he saw the expression of fear on the half-fox’s face. However, the white-haired boy quickly hid it with a shy smile.
Everyone had the same expression when they see him. Every time he saw that expression on their faces, he had doubts about Tadayuki’s words. It’s not that he doubted his intentions in his advice. It’s just… if he tried his best to become like humans - mimicking their behaviour, concealing his demon traits - yet, they still look at him with that exact same expression…
…was blending in even necessary?
Why should he blend in, when he can never be accepted like them?
No. He shouldn’t doubt Tadayuki’s guidance. Master is right. He’s the only one who doesn’t look at me the same way, Kidomaru told himself, an attempt to ease his worries. I carry Master’s hopes. I’ll be what he wants me to be - the bridge between humans and spirits.
Yet, the doubt never left the back of his mind. After all, Kidomaru was different from the rest. He knew very well that he’s a spirit, even though only half. That’s why the ugly humans were afraid of him. He’s the predator and they’re the prey. Everyone understood their roles perfectly.
Because of this understanding, he didn’t sit well with this game of pretend.
But those words keep echoing in his mind whenever he tried to hurt humans. Those words were the only thing that kept him from acting like a proper predator. The only thing that’s chaining him from reacting according to his demon instincts.
You need to become like everyone else.
…
Months passed since his first meeting with the half-spirit. Kidomaru finally remembered his name, but only because everyone was mesmerized by him. His name was constantly repeated by his human classmates. The ugly humans constantly paired his name with praises. “Seimei is definitely a young prodigy!” “Seimei is really kind.” “Seimei is very smart and a quick learner.” “Seimei is gentle and caring.”
That had never happened to him. He glanced at Seimei’s seat, two tables away from him. Someone was asking him something and he responded with a smile. A genuine one.
Disgusting.
He couldn’t understand how he was able to smile like that with the prey. He couldn’t understand how he was popular among the ugly humans. He couldn’t understand the difference in treatment between himself and Seimei.
Weren’t they both half-spirit? Did he reject his spirit instincts? This puzzled him.
Kidomaru looked away and thought about it for a moment. He decided that Seimei was the dumb one. Why would he purposefully suppress his spirit instincts to please those humans? Why should he bow to them? He was far superior when compared to those fragile humans. One day, when his true nature was revealed to the others, he would suffer the same fate as he did. They will look at him with fear. They will be angry with him. They will ostracize him. They will hunt him down. They will accuse him of everything related to the spirits, even if he didn’t do any of it.
Just like how he was treated.
There was this ugly human girl who would come to talk to him. Yet again she stood before his table. He didn’t understand why she kept coming, even though he showed no interest. “Kidomaru, what’s that in your hands?” she asked. There was always a smile on her face. Tadayuki said a smile was the most beautiful expression. Was that true? If only Master could see the same rotting faces as him, he would change his mind.
Kidomaru knew that she was just pretending to be nice to him. He knew she was the same as the rest. All of them had the exact ugly, rotting, veiny faces. Every other human but Master was the same. She pretended to be brave, trying to treat him like everyone else. But he could smell the fear in her - her fear of him and his demonic self.
Kidomaru decided to play along with the game. Like he always did.
What was her name again? He thought briefly before dismissing the idea. She wasn’t worth the effort to recall. He just had to pretend like he’s one of them. He donned the mask once again. “This is a flower I found outside our school. Isn’t it pretty?”
Just keep concealing your real thoughts. Don’t let them know the real you.
…
Class recess. The chirping birds in the courtyard were annoying him during class, so he went and exact revenge. They shouldn’t be distracting the others from Tadayuki’s teachings. Kidomaru only managed to catch one of them. The rest flew away in a hurry. He revealed his demonic presence briefly, hoping to scare them away for good. His gaze then shifted towards the white bird in his right hand. A grin unconsciously crept onto his face as he watched the animal struggled helplessly in his grasp.
He found it funny that he could mercilessly snuff out life from these animals. When it comes to humans, however…
He wondered if Tadayuki would be angry at him if he knew he was redirecting his killer instincts to birds. He tried to imagine his reaction. Would he be angry? Sad? Disappointed? Or all of the above? How will he get punished? What will he do? Will he scold him? Reprimand him? Expel him?
Among these scenarios, he didn’t want to disappoint him the most.
He started digging the ground with his left hand. As long as he did a proper burial to the bird, maybe Master wouldn’t be that angry. The bird started chirping in fear. Kidomaru gave it a tight squeeze and it immediately shut up. Although still struggling, the bird understood that it shouldn’t make any noises.
When he almost made a hole in the ground, he found himself in an unexpected situation.
“Senpai, what are you doing out here?”
He jolted. Kidomaru cursed himself for being too focused on digging that he had missed the sounds of footsteps creeping up behind him. Glancing at the still struggling bird, he cleaned some dirt from his nails and shifted the bird to his left hand. He got up, his left hand behind him. This person should never see what he was doing.
He found himself face to face with the half-fox.
“Seimei, what are you doing here?” Kidomaru smiled. What sort of excuse should he say?
Seimei noticed the hand behind him and tried to look at what he was hiding. Instinctively he shifted along, blocking his view. The half-fox was curious. “Senpai, why are you digging at the ground?” His eyes reminded him of his own when he was younger. Those were the innocent eyes who had yet to be tainted by the ugliness of the world.
Soon, they would be.
“Well…” He choked the bird to death instantly and feigned hesitation. He made sure the bird didn’t move a muscle for a few seconds. “A bird died here. I was preparing to bury it.” Slowly, he revealed the carcass in his left hand to Seimei. “Sorry. You shouldn’t have to see this.”
The white-haired boy saw the lifeless body resting in his dirtied hand and looked sad. “Oh.” Oddly enough, the boy put his hands together, like he was praying. Kidomaru was taken aback. How much had he integrated his life to follow the human rituals? He was weirded out. Then, another unexpected response. “Let’s bury it together.”
“Huh?”
Kidomaru found himself burying the bird alongside Seimei. When the carcass is completely covered with dirt, Seimei found two stones near the courtyard and placed them before the grave. He watched in bewilderment as the half-fox stacked them, then clasped his hands together, praying.
He concluded Seimei was weird. The half-fox willingly submitted himself to be like the ugly humans, to be like the prey. He couldn’t understand why. Was it part of a long-term plan to cover up his tracks later on? If so, that was a clever plan. But something told him that it wasn’t what he thought it was.
“Senpai, I have a question for you.” Seimei’s eyes were still closed, but it reminded him that he was staring. “Are you lonely?”
“What makes you think so?” He looked away from the boy.
“Senpai is always alone in class. Even when Akiko-senpai was talking to you, I don’t think both of you are having a proper conversation.” Kidomaru didn’t know what to even respond and it left an awkward silence in the air. First off, who even is Akiko? He searched his mind to pair a face with that name, but he couldn’t recall anyone. Seimei then added, “Do you hate humans?”
“No.” His response was swift. It’s not a complete lie, but it’s not the whole truth, either. He loved and respected Tadayuki very much. He’s the only human whose face wasn’t a rotting slab. And that made it bearable and worthy of his trust.
“Then, why didn’t you talk to the other classmates?”
Because he doesn’t want to associate with those ugly, disgusting, two-faced humans. If he had been honest, would Seimei fear him, too? But he told himself to bury these honest answers. Instead, he responded, “I like being alone. Is that wrong?”
A pause later, Seimei said, “Senpai, do you know, when you lie, you tend to look away?”
Was this a trick for him to expose himself? He scoffed. “We weren’t even facing each other when we talked, what makes you think that I’m lying?”
“But I didn’t say that you were lying just then.”
“...”
“...”
He couldn’t believe that he just fell for the trap.
Kidomaru turned and looked at Seimei in the eye, annoyed. The half-fox was beaming childishly at him. With a sigh, Kidomaru stood up, turned around, and was ready to leave. He couldn’t believe that that weird half-spirit was the one to catch him lying. He made a mental note to himself to be wary of fox spirits.
“Wait, wait! Senpai, don’t leave yet!” Seimei tugged at his clothes. “I still have something to ask you about.”
“You can ask someone else.”
“But I want to ask you .”
Kidomaru sighed heavily. He didn’t know that dealing with another half-spirit was this annoying. “What is it?”
Seeing that he didn't turn around, Seimei was the one who ran and stood in front of him. “Senpai, if you’re lonely, why not make friends with our classmates?”
Again with this? “I told you, I’m not lonely -”
“But you always look like you’re envious of me when you look at me.”
The mask Kidomaru put on felt like it’s starting to crumble. Rage was building up inside him. He couldn’t believe his ears. Him? Envious? Why would he ever be envious of him for being popular among those humans? He wouldn’t want to be associated with those rotting, ugly creatures. They only see what they wanted to see. They treated him like an outsider when he tried to be like them. Why would he be envious of Seimei?
Conceal, don’t feel. Don’t let them know. Don’t let him know.
He felt his teeth were grinding at each other and stopped it at once. Kidomaru took a deep breath and smiled, “I’m not. I just prefer to be alone, that’s all.”
Seimei stared at him with his large, round eyes. “Liar.”
“Well, if you don’t want to believe me, that’s up to -”
“That’s not what you really feel. Senpai, why are you lying?”
He started to feel annoyed by this boy. Unwilling to back down, Kidomaru looked back at him right in the eye. “I’m not lying.”
“Are you not used to other humans apart of Master?”
“What are you implying?”
“If you’re afraid of our classmates because they’re humans, then you can be friends with me first!” Seimei pointed his thumb at himself, smiling. “We’re both half-spirits, after all! We’re both similar to each other.”
Kidomaru was dumbfounded at his words. He was completely wrong. He’s not afraid of them. Rather, they should be afraid of him. He’s a predator. If he felt like it, he could kill all of them without lifting much of a finger. He’s much, much stronger than everyone in the class. And that was precisely why they were talking behind his back. Yes, they were afraid of him because he’s a half-spirit... because he’s that much stronger than them. And that’s why they could never be together. The wall between him and them was created because of all of this.
“I’m not afraid of them! I just don’t want to be friends with them!”
“Why not?”
“Why? Because they’re -” Kidomaru stopped himself. Why was he telling him about all of this?
This time, Seimei pouted. “So close…” Kidomaru frowned at his change of expression. Why is he pouting? “You should be more honest, senpai. I almost know what you’re thinking just now.”
“Why would you want to know what I’m thinking? Why do you even care?” This half-spirit was getting weirder at each sentence.
“Because we’re both the same.”
Kidomaru frowned at him. How were they the same? If anything, Seimei was the odd one out.
…
Since that day, the half-fox was constantly pestering him.
“Good morning, Kidomaru- senpai !” Seimei greeted him when they met in the hallway. “What do you think Master would teach us today?”
“Well, I wonder...” Kidomaru dropped that and left him.
Before class, Seimei stopped by his table. “ Senpai, how do you draw this talisman again? I can’t seem to get it right...”
He was suspicious of the boy. Kidomaru was sure that this kind of thing wouldn’t stump him. Regardless, he demonstrated the technique to him. “It’s something like this.”
“Oh, you’re right!” Seimei smiled. The smile was irritating to see. “Thank you, senpai! You’re really good at this!” He said this loud enough for the whole class to see. Kidomaru gave an awkward smile. He knew what the boy was trying to do.
During recess, Seimei followed him out into the courtyard. “Senpai, do you like flowers? You always look at them.”
Kidomaru glanced at him and didn’t reply.
After class, Seimei bowed at him. “See you tomorrow, senpai !”
“Goodbye, Seimei.”
He didn’t like this change in his life. He always preferred peace and quiet, and the half-fox was trampling all over this peace and quiet he made. He found himself a second reason to dislike him. Tadayuki approached him afterwards. “Seimei seems to be attached to you these days, Kidomaru. Isn’t that nice? You’re both getting along well.”
He turned towards Master, frustrated. “Does it look like that to you?”
Tadayuki smiled and patted his head. “I think that’s just his way to thank you.”
“Thank me? I didn’t even do anything.”
“You didn’t, but he was very conscious of himself. He knew very well that he was different from the rest. That’s why he tried very hard to be like humans. Knowing that there was someone else like him makes him feel less lonely.”
Kidomaru looked away. “How could he be lonely? He’s constantly surrounded by others.”
Tadayuki merely smiled.
Seimei kept calling out to him whenever he could. Kidomaru wanted to be polite, but he was closing on to his limit for every passing day. Sometimes, he would pretend he couldn’t hear Seimei at all and walked away. He would reply to him with one-word answers to discourage him. He tried to avoid meeting with him by changing his daily routes just so Seimei would stop bothering him. But it never did. Seimei would also search for new ways to get him to speak. He would find him wherever he went and strike a conversation.
Of course, his classmates had attempted to discourage the half-fox as well. They weren’t being discreet about it, either. “Seimei, why do you keep trying to be friendly with Kidomaru?” One of them asked. He tried to be quiet, but spirits had naturally sharp ears. Kidomaru recognized the voice. He was one of those who would talk behind his back, fearing him because he was better than him in every way.
“What’s wrong with trying to be friends with Kidomaru- senpai ?” Seimei asked back innocently.
"W-what’s wrong? Well, where do I start… I’ve heard rumours that Kidomaru was doing all kinds of shady things after school. I don’t know the details, but he looks like he did a lot of weird things.” Then, he muttered, “I wouldn’t be surprised if he actually hunted humans.” He quickly returned to his earlier hushed voice, adding, “He also always acts like he’s better than everyone else, too. It’s so unbearable. He probably does that because he’s adopted by Master.”
Unfortunately, Kidomaru thought. I’m really better than you scums.
“That’s not true!” Seimei was angry. The tone and response surprised both him and the other classmate. “Kidomaru-senpai is nice and kind! He helped me when I forgot how some of the onmyoji techniques!”
“Well, that he did, but -”
Seimei continued, “You also don’t have proof that he does bad things! Why are you accusing him of things that he didn’t do?”
“Well, I…”
It was the first time where he was defended by someone else. Kidomaru didn’t know how to react to this. For the first time, he felt a new emotion inside him. What was it? He didn’t know. He didn’t know what this emotion is called. Grateful? Relieved? Happy? Or all of the above?
He could only tell that it felt as if some weight was lifted off of his shoulders.
…
Numerous lanterns lit up the streets in Heian-Kyo that night. From afar, the bright lights were the only thing anyone could see. It made the night less gloomy. Tadayuki told him that it was the summer festival soon. Yet again he refused to participate in it. His reasoning was simple: there were so many ugly humans there, it would be very crowded, and very noisy. Those were all the things he didn’t like. He couldn’t understand how anyone would enjoy any festival. He peered out of the window, staring at the brightly lit shrine far away.
Suddenly, Tadayuki summoned him from the entrance. “Kidomaru, someone’s looking for you.”
He was confused as to who was looking for him, but obeyed Master’s words.
By the entrance, a familiar face stood there. Kidomaru sighed quietly before putting up his smiling mask. “Why are you here at this hour, Seimei? If it’s about the spells, can’t you have asked tomorrow morning instead?”
The white-haired boy said nothing and merely smiled at him. Seimei then turned towards Tadayuki. “Master, can Kidomaru-senpai join me at the summer festival?”
“Huh?” Kidomaru was the first to react. “Why would I go to the summer festival? It’s so noisy and crowded over there.”
“Well… I want to go to the festival, but I don’t want to go there alone.”
“Why not ask your parents? Or any one of our classmates?”
Seimei looked at the ground. “My parents… aren’t here anymore.”
“Oh.”
Well, that was awkward. He glanced at Tadayuki, who just shook his head. He shouldn’t have said that. It was then he finally understood what Master said the other day. He scratched the back of his head, feeling guilty. He didn’t know how to fix this situation.
Well, why did he find him anyway? He could’ve gone with other classmates, and Kidomaru himself would’ve avoided this weird situation.
Tadayuki was the one who broke the silence. “Kidomaru, why don’t you accompany Seimei? It’ll be an experience for you two.”
“But…!” He wanted to protest, but Tadayuki glanced at Seimei and he kept his mouth shut. He understood. This would be how he atone for what he said to Seimei. He obviously didn’t like this decision, but he looked at the white-haired boy again. His gaze remained fixed at the ground, his shoulders hung low. Reluctantly, he muttered, “Well, fine.”
“Really?” Seimei immediately looked up and grabbed his hand. His mood change was way too fast! He then realized there were absolutely no tear marks on his face. “Thank you, Master!” Kidomaru couldn’t even begin to complain as he was dragged out of the door by his junior.
“You were pretending to be upset?” Kidomaru was furious. He forcefully pulled his hand out of the half-fox’s grips. Foxes were definitely something to be wary of. “You called me a liar, but weren’t you lying just then?”
“I wasn’t lying. My parents were really gone. I don’t know where they went.” Seimei faced him. The boy was smiling, but it looked forced. “Before she left, my mother told me to protect the humans. That’s why I want to become an onmyoji.” A pause. “ Senpai, why do you want to be an onmyoji?”
Why? He didn’t have a reason. He just learned the ways of the onmyoji because Tadayuki was the one who saved him. He just wanted to get closer to Tadayuki and helped him to achieve his hopes. “It’s nothing touching like your mom’s wishes. I just felt like it.”
“Then I’m relieved.”
Kidomaru frowned. “Why?”
“Your reasoning isn’t for the greater good, but it’s not for something bad either. Then, until you figure out what you want to do with the spells you’ve learned, you’re definitely not a bad person. You’re not like what everyone else says.”
There was a question that he had to ask. It’s been in his mind since that day. “Why are you so desperate to prove that I’m not a bad person? I’m a half-spirit… half of a hunter demon, too. Haven’t you heard what these demons can do?”
“I’ve heard.”
“Then, why?”
“Because you’re just like me. Shouldn’t we half-spirits help each other when they’re in need?”
“We’re totally different!” Kidomaru snapped. “Haven’t you seen how they treated you and what they talked about me? How can you even say that we’re the same? We might be both half-spirits, but you can’t just say we’re the same! Can’t you see? Besides, I’m not -”
He trailed off when he heard Seimei chuckling. Kidomaru frowned. Why was he laughing? Did he think all of this is a joke? Was he out of his mind? The anger accumulated and suppressed from everything before this was almost bursting out. Before he could ask, Seimei raised his hand, making a stop gesture. “Sorry. I just thought… it was funny that you were always hiding your thoughts, but you’ve become so honest now.” Seimei smiled. “Doesn’t that feel much better?”
It was all a ruse at the end. Kidomaru collected his thoughts and let out a huge sigh. “I really hate you, Seimei.”
The half-fox just smiled. “Even so, I’ll always be your friend. So you’ll never be lonely anymore.”
He recalled what Tadayuki had told him. “Are you just saying that to make yourself feel better?”
The smile on Seimei’s face faded for a second. Kidomaru watched his face as the smile returned to his face. “What makes you think so?” Seimei responded teasingly, but both of them knew that it was a question that didn’t need to be answered.
The shrine where the summer festival was held suddenly became noisier. This attracted both Seimei and Kidomaru’s attention.
“Oh no, the festival!” Seimei grabbed his wrist. “Senpai, we need to hurry! They’re about to set up the fireworks!”
“You want to go all the way there just to watch fireworks? Why not just stay here?”
“I heard it’s a different experience when you’re there yourself! Hurry!”
“Wait.” Kidomaru held him back. “How are we going there? We don’t even have a lantern and the sky’s turned dark. Are we going to walk in the dark?”
Seimei stopped to think for a moment. Then, with a grin, he snapped his fingers. A few blue fires floated around him. “We can use my fox fires to light up the way. It shouldn’t be a problem, right?”
“And how would you explain to the humans about this when they see us?”
Apparently, this didn’t cross the half-fox’s mind until it was mentioned.
…
They went back to the house and asked Tadayuki for a lantern. Seimei’s persistence and stubbornness foiled every effort Kidomaru made to not leave the house. Once again, he was dragged out of the comfort of his home and soon, into the chaotic, noisy, crowded street filled with bright lights. On the way, Seimei talked about things he’s heard about the summer festival: that humans wore colourful yukata, and there were lots of stalls that sold food; the difficulty to scoop up goldfish with a paper poi , and there were numerous masks for sale, most based on spirits themselves. But he was mostly attracted to the fireworks they put towards the end of the festival.
Kidomaru didn’t understand that attraction one bit. “You can even see the fireworks from here,” he told him when they were halfway to the shrine. He pointed at the night sky. “When they set the fireworks, the skies will be completely illuminated by them. Then, you can see them from anywhere in Heian-Kyo.”
“It’s different!” argued Seimei. “In the festival, you can see them up close! They said you can see the different colours up close. Also, you can see each firework's ‘petals’ more clearly!”
“There’s no way fireworks have ‘petals’. They may be called a ‘fire flower’ but they’re not flowers.”
“I know. And…”
“And?”
They stopped before the flight of stone steps to the shrine. Some were already returning home. Many of them were smiling. Some were holding a caramelized apple. Like the half-fox said, some were also wearing masks. Kidomaru saw one with a tengu mask, a few with a demon mask, and a child with a fox mask. He found it ironic that humans who fear those spirits also carved those scary faces and sell them to other humans.
Before he realized it, Seimei had dashed towards the top of the stairs. “Hey, wait!” he yelled as he chased after him.
Standing before the shrine entrance, Seimei’s eyes were sparkling in awe. Meanwhile, he was struggling to catch his breath. The sudden burst of speed he exerted left him too tired to yell at the half-fox. Kidomaru studied his face. It was filled with joy and amazement. From here, he realized Seimei was really a child. Sometimes he sounded so mature. But... was the festival really that amazing? He turned to look at it. While it was brightly lit with dozens of lanterns decorated on each side, he still hated the crowd. The human’s faces were still rotting. It was still noisy. Everything about this festival was what he had expected: everything he didn’t like.
Somewhere inside, someone yelled, “The fireworks are starting!”
Seimei grabbed his hand. “Let’s go, senpai !”
And, as per before, he didn’t have time to react, and the half-fox took off with him.
He dragged him into a large crowd. Both of them squeezed through the others and somehow landed close to the front row. Kidomaru didn’t like the crowd and wanted to leave immediately, but Seimei wouldn’t let his hand go. The white-haired boy was visibly excited and he couldn’t understand it. He hoped everything would go by quickly so he could return home as soon as possible.
He looked around in this uncomfortable situation. There, he realized a pattern among the crowd: most of them were a family. A parent, sometimes parents, and a child. All of them with happy faces. Nearby, he saw a child sitting on his father’s shoulders, smiling widely. That scene reminded him of the days where he was as young as that child. Tadayuki probably saw the look of envy in his eyes that day and put him on his broad shoulders. The other children had parents who picked them from school, except him.
“I know you don’t have a parent to pick you up, but I hope you like my shoulders.”
He didn’t like how he felt weird inside upon remembering that.
The fireworks went off. Red, blue, yellow, green… these colours lit up the sky, one by one. As its name suggests, the fire flowers bloomed beautifully into the night sky, decorating the empty night with sparkling lights. Then, as quickly as they bloom, the fireworks died down quickly too, and soon the sky returned to the darkness it once was. The firework artists tried to keep the sky illuminated by setting off consecutive fireworks. The crowd was at awe. For each firework, there would be people who would gasp in surprise or exclaim in fascination.
It was really beautiful. He almost forgot that he was standing inside a crowd.
Something kept moving from the corner of his eyes. Kidomaru noticed Seimei was struggling to look at the fireworks. The man standing in front of him was even taller than Kidomaru himself and Seimei was about a head and a half shorter than him. He was slightly amused at how the heavily-praised young onmyoji prodigy was jumping up and down from his spot, trying his best to look at the fireworks he had been anticipating all this time.
He looked around and noticed children sitting on their father’s shoulders. Seimei is really still a child. Without warning, Kidomaru lifted him off the ground. Both of them were in shock as Seimei was completely caught off guard by that action, while Kidomaru noticed how light he was. As gently as he could, Kidomaru placed him on his shoulders. “Now you can see them clearly like you always wanted to,” he said.
He didn’t have any reason to do such a thing. Kidomaru himself was also bewildered at his own actions. Perhaps he was just doing that as a token of gratitude. If it wasn’t for the half-fox, he wouldn’t be able to see the beautiful fireworks up close. Or that he believed in him, unlike those ugly humans who would label him as a criminal right away.
Perhaps, it was just like what the boy said: they were both the same.
Kidomaru glanced at his face. Seimei’s eyes were filled with child-like joy, his eyes lit up every time a firework went off. From time to time, he gasped in excitement, as if this was his first time seeing fireworks. Kidomaru still didn’t understand why he was this excited over this sight, but it wasn’t all that bad. Maybe he didn’t need to understand. He wondered if he looked like that too, when the Master let him sit on his shoulders. Was he that happy?
“Aren’t they pretty?” Seimei asked after a while. “Aren’t you glad that I brought you here?”
Kidomaru looked at the ground, covering his face. “Yes, they’re really pretty.”
“Don’t lie!” Seimei forcefully readjusted his head, making him look at the fireworks. “Senpai, look at it!” Seimei pointed at the sky. A short pause later, he asked again, “They’re pretty, right?”
“Yes, they are… now let my head go, or I’ll drop you to the ground.”
Seimei let go of his head instantly. “Humans are really interesting, don’t you think? They can make such beautiful things, like fireworks! And, even though they don’t last long, this view will be in our memories forever. And that’s why I’ll protect them. So they’ll continue to make more beautiful things in the future.”
“Even though they’ll hate you when they know who you really are?”
“Even so, I am still half-human.”
Kidomaru didn’t say anything afterwards and silently watched the fireworks.
After the fireworks ended, the crowd slowly dispersed. When there was more room, he let Seimei jump off from his shoulders. He noticed the half-fox was pouting. “What?” he asked.
“Isn’t it nice to be tall, senpai ? You don’t need to sit on anyone’s shoulders to look at the fireworks…”
Kidomaru blinked. Was the young prodigy dejected over his limitations of height?
“Regardless, thank you, senpai,” Seimei bowed. “I had fun today." The smile remained plastered on the half-fox's face all this time. Was it really that fun to watch fireworks? As usual, he just couldn't understand. A pause later, Seimei added, "Hey, senpai. Can I spend more time with you like this in the future?”
Kidomaru thought briefly before answering firmly, “No.”
“Eh? Why?” Seimei panicked. “I thought you liked the fireworks!”
“I like peace and quiet.”
With that, Kidomaru left the shrine and went back to his house alone, leaving a speechless Seimei behind.
…
“How was the festival?” Tadayuki asked when he returned. “Did you have fun?”
“No.” Kidomaru took off his shoes and carefully placed them at the side of the entrance. “It was unbearably rowdy. There were a lot of people there. Everyone was talking at the same time. Their body odour and the scent of food mixed together in a way that almost made me gag. And worst of all, Seimei wouldn’t stop talking along the way.”
“I see,” Tadayuki chuckled. “Even though you said that, you looked like you had fun, Kidomaru.”
“I didn’t have fun. But… I realized something interesting at the festival. And that made the trip worthwhile.” Unbeknownst to him, he was smiling genuinely for once in a long time. Seeing that smile, Tadayuki smiled too.
“That’s great.” A pause. “Go get some rest. Good night.” Tadayuki closed the door behind him.
“Good night, Master.”
Kidomaru realized a weird irony in the world. It was both rotten and beautiful. Just like the wilting flowers, this also applies to humans. When they’re close to death, they were somehow more beautiful than when they were alive. It’s an unusual blend. He always wanted to see what’s really inside those rotting faces. Would they be as pretty as they claim within, or would they be at their most beautiful state right before death?
However, Seimei led him to realize another thing: the fragility of their lives was what made them beautiful. With their short lives, they’ll try to bloom into something impressive, just like the fireworks.
His views about most humans remained unchanged. They were still ugly, rotting, despicable creatures who would do anything to bring others down. But this newfound knowledge led him to understand the humans a little bit more.
And that made them a little bit more bearable.