Chapter Text
“Oh man, just look at her, she’s like an athletic warrior goddess.” Kazuichi all but whines, looking over the seat of the bleachers he lied behind, like he was trying to use the raised steel slab to hide himself.
On the track below, the girls of class 77-B make loops around Hope Peak’s track, running the mile per Nekomaru’s persistent pressing. Something about how working out as a group strengthened bonds. With the exception of Ibuki and Akane, most were averse to the idea, but it’s hard saying no to Nekomaru.
“Christ, Kazuichi,” Fuyuhiko groans, glaring down at where Kazuichi lied on the bleachers, “would you get off the ground and sit like a normal goddamn person? She’s going to see you staring at her like a fucking stalker.”
Instead of listening to him, Kazuichi cups his face in his hands, elbows propped on the ground. “When she’s rocking a hot bod like that how can I *not* stare?” He asks longingly.
Fuyuhiko and Nagito exchange an exhausted look. “Keep talking like that and I’ll blind you myself.”
Nagito sighs, “Honestly, do you really expect to get Sonia’s attention acting like this? It’s pathetic.”
Kazuichi jumps onto his knees, and the bleachers clang loudly with the sudden movement. He looks up at them with tears in his eyes, “You guys don’t mean that! Because everyone else is beneath her, a commoner like me could totally have a shot!”
“Yeah, maybe if you were just a commoner, not some sick creep.”
“Let’s pretend for a moment you’re not a sick creep, Kazuichi.” Nagito chimes in, “Do you even know how to go about asking someone out?”
“W-what?! Of course I do!”
“That’s great! Then we can do a test run! That way you’ll have a better chance at not totally embarrassing yourself! Here, pretend Fuyuhiko is Sonia.”
Fuyuhiko immediately stiffens, “THE FUCK!? No! I’m not going to roleplay this shit!”
“You know if he doesn’t do this, the end result is going to be disastrous. But, if you want I could stand in as Sonia.”
Fuyuhiko crosses his arms with a huff, “N-no, I don’t trust you to be normal about it. Knowing you, you’d probably take it in some weird ass direction.”
Nagito smiles, “That’s fair. Why don’t you start, Kazuichi?”
“Oh- Ahh, okay.”
Kazuichi pulls himself up to sit cross legged, pink already coming to his face. He holds his legs nervously as he stares at Fuyuhiko in deep concentration. Fuyuhiko has to force himself from visibly cringing on Kazuichi’s behalf. Was he really going to take this so seriously? Fuck, of course he was...
Kazuichi gives a nod, apparently coming to some sort of internal decision and his eyes light up with determination. “Miss Sonia! Radiant angel of my life, would you be so kind as to accompany me, one who’s but a filthy peasant in your presence, to a dinner this Friday?”
Fuyuhiko looks helplessly at Nagito, “How the fuck am I supposed to react to that as Sonia? Do I slap him? She’d probably slap him.”
“I don’t think she’d slap him.”
Kazuichi’s shoulders slump, “Was it that bad?”
Nagito nods solemnly, “Very.”
Fuyuhiko crosses his arms, “Probably the worst you could have done.”
Kazuichi doubles over, face in hands against the metal bench, “Dammit! I can’t do this!”
Fuyuhiko gives a gentle ‘thwap’ to the back of his head, “Hey, come on. What do you think the point of doing this was? Don’t just immediately give up! Be a man!”
Nagito chuckles, “Yeah, It’d be more surprising if your first attempt wasn’t dreadful. Why don’t you give it another go?”
Kazuichi pulls himself up, still looking rather pouty.
Fuyuhiko sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Literally, just talk as you would with one of us or something, man. You’d probably have a better chance that way.”
Kazuichi nods, expression shifting back to one re-focused and determined, “Right. Gotcha.”
Nagito puts his hand forward, like a ref starting a race "Aaand, begin."
Nagito lifts his hand skyward.
Kazuichi brings his own hand up in greeting, a wide smile on his face, “Waddup bitch? Let’s grab some grub together!”
Fuyuhiko grabs Kazuichi's collar, “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?”
“AAAAAH! SORRY!”
"HOW THE FUCK DID YOU THINK THAT'D BE ANY BETTER?!"
"I DON'T KNOW!!!"
“DO BETTER!”
“OKAY! OKAY!!”
He releases Kazuichi, roughly pushing him back down to his seat. Kazuichi whimpers, “It’s not like I’d dare call her that anyways! She’s too pure for such vulgar language.”
“I thought you were taking this seriously, dumbass!”
“I am!”
Nagito holds his chin in thought, “Hmmm, maybe he’d do better if you start off, Fuyuhiko. Perhaps he needs the scene set up for him.”
Fuyuhiko groans, “Fuck’n-... Seriously?”
“At this point, our other option is just to write him a script. But, I don’t think it’ll have to come to that! I believe in your ability to come up with your own words, Kazuichi!”
Fuyuhiko grumbles irritably under his breath, “Fine. Let’s just get this over with.”
His eye twitches as he straightens up, trying to recall however the fuck Sonia speaks. Something like, “Ah… Kazuichi. Can I help you with something?”
“Ah! Great job, Fuyuhiko!” Nagito jumps in.
“Fuck off! Interjecting with stupid comments doesn’t help ‘set the scene’.”
He gives a nervous laugh, “Ah, right. My bad.”
They turn back towards Kazuichi expectantly and, in Fuyuhiko’s case, a bit of dread.
He clears his throat, “Miss Sonia, would you accompany me, though I am unworthy to be in your presence, for refreshments after school Friday?”
“Hmm.” Nagito hums thoughtfully.
“Drop the unworthy shit, and that was almost bearable.” Fuyuhiko says.
Kazuichi perks up a little, a hopeful glimmer in his eyes, “Do you think she’d say yes?”
Nagito looks at Fuyuhiko in amusement, “Well, you’re playing Sonia here. What do you say, was it good enough for her to accept?”
Fuyuhiko sputters, crossing his arms. “How the hell am I supposed to know!? There’s no fucking way I’d know what she’d say!”
Nagito chuckles and puts a hand on Fuyuhiko’s shoulder, who scowls at the touch. To Kazuichi, Nagito offers a smile, “As long as you don’t fall into the whole grovelling at her feet thing, I think you should go for it, Kazuichi.”
From down below Nekomaru bellows just as Hiyoko is the last to cross the line, practically walking. “ALRIGHT!!! THAT’S THE GIRLS’ MILE! GUYS JUMP TO IT! LET’S GO!”
Fuyuhiko stands up, “Well, you’ve got yourself a small time window. Better get to it.”
Kazuichi jumps to his feet, “W-wait, NOW!? Maybe I should do it afterwards, you know- when there isn’t so much of a rush.”
“I don’t know that that’d be ideal…” Nagito says.
“What do you mean?”
“Meaning you’re going to reek to high hell if you do it after running. She’d try to get away before you even get a word out.”
“COME ON, I wouldn’t stink THAT badly.”
“God, you’re literally pestering her constantly, why are you hesitating now? Just go!”
“Okay! Okay! I’m going!”
Kazuichi races down the bleachers, hopping from seat to seat thus causing a thunderous sound from the bleacher. Fuyuhiko gives Nagito a curious look as they make their own way down, using the stairs. “So, what do you think his chances are?”
“I’d give it a 50/50 chance. As a diplomatic royal figure, as is her stunning talent, she may simply agree out of politeness.”
Fuyuhiko watches Kazuichi in his peripheral as he and Nagito make their way down,“Tch. At least he’s getting some vital lessons from this. I swear if he doesn’t stop with the grovelling shit- .”
Nagito shrugs, “We can only do what we can to try to pull him out of that unfortunate tendency.”
“I suppose you’re right…It’s fucking annoying, though.”
The two make their way to the track, all the while trying to subtly read the small exchange between Sonia and Kazuichi. After a brief moment, Sonia smiles at Kazuichi and gives a small wave before continuing on to sit at the bleachers. Kazuichi turns, frame rigid and his face flushed. His mouth is shifting in all sorts of ways, but impossible to read past the obvious fluster.
Fuyuhiko looks at Nagito, “Is that good? Bad?!”
Nagito is quiet for a moment, considering. “Good.”
“Kazuichi, get over here!” Nekomaru calls, taking his own position on the track.
That seems to snap Kazuichi out of his daze, and wide eyes lock onto where Fuyuhiko and Nagito stand. He gives a small, barely discernible nod.
“Holy shit, he actually pulled it off.”