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Catalina didn’t consider herself to be the friendliest of the queens. Not that she wasn’t nice or warm or kind (any of the queens, ladies in waiting, stage hands or numerous others of her acquaintance could prove that she was, and give many compelling examples) but she wasn’t the sort to strike up conversation with strangers in the street, she didn’t find herself bonding with dog walkers or postmen or delivery drivers just because (like Anna and her ‘ Everyone has a story to tell! Everyone!’) and she never found herself in the conversations Maria seemed to get herself into, where even something as simple as buying flour could turn into an hour of swapping stories about why you’re buying the flour and what you’re going to bake with the flour and what you baked with the last bit of flour that necessitated you buying more in the first place with whoever else happened to be in the baking aisle.
Generally, she was of the opinion that everyone was just all-round happier when people stayed in their own little bubbles of space.
But even she had her limits.
‘Anne!’
Anne turned exaggeratedly wounded eyes on her (obviously, she was starting to take after Kitty).
‘What?’
‘What did that man ever do to you?’
‘Oh.’ Her expression darkened. ‘ Him.’ She scowled with renewed vigour at an inoffensive looking man further down the aisle of the grocery store, who realised he was being stared at, jumped slightly and then turned back to examining boxes of muesli with studied determination.
‘Yes!’
Catalina felt quite lost- she was usually quite up to date on house gossip, and whatever she missed, Jane would usually fill her in on. Did Anne have an enemy she didn’t know about? She hoped to God the girl wasn’t trying to start another rivalry.
(‘Anne!’ She burst into the girl’s bedroom without knocking, and immediately regretted it when her goddaughter squeaked and pulled the sheets up to her chin.
‘Jesus Catty-!’
Anne covered herself with a pillow.
‘What the actual fuck!’
Catalina covered her eyes with one hand and brandished her phone in what she was fairly sure was their direction in her other.
‘For the last time, Anne! I have told you, Jane has told you, Bessie has told you- you need to Leave. Her. Alone!’
‘It was only twitter!’
‘Do you think I can’t SEE what you tweet?’
‘In fairness Catalina, it was pretty funny-’
Catalina tried to round on Cathy but it was difficult when she couldn’t see what direction she was moving in, and the stifled giggles confirmed her suspicions that the attempt at fierceness had not been successful.
‘Don’t you dare encourage her!’
‘But Catty, she’s so awful-’
‘No!’ It just wasn’t as effective when she couldn’t give them both a death stare at the same time. She decided to give up on this conversation as a bad job and maybe have another ago when all three of them were wearing clothes. ‘I will say it one more time. Leave. Phillipa Gregory. ALONE.’)
‘Who even is he?’
Anne didn’t take her eyes off him. ‘He’s a scourge. He’s a torment.’
‘He’s buying Frosties, Anne.’
‘If the devil can quote scripture, he can also buy Frosties.’
‘The devil???’ Catalina felt entirely wrong footed. ‘Anne, are you quite alright?’
‘YES!’ Anne looked insulted when Catalina tried to feel her forehead for a fever. ‘I’m fine, I’m not going to DO anything….I just don’t like him.’
‘But why?’
‘Because he tortures Cathy and I hate it and she hates it and there’s nothing we can do about it, so I’m going to vent my feelings as best I can in a totally legal way ok?’ She threw a box of Krave into the shopping trolley with such force it almost bounced back out again.
It was sort of funny but sort of not- at the mention of her goddaughter, Catalina’s mild confusion began to spiral into actual anxiety.
What was going on? Was Cathy being hurt by someone? Why hadn’t she told her?
‘Anne is Cathy-’
‘Three hours!’ Anne burst out suddenly, making an old lady nearby jump. ‘Three hours he played his bloody awful tune!’ She turned to Catalina with a look of real anguish. ‘She just wanted to enjoy her day off, I’d finally convinced her to take a break and then HE comes along and just RUINS it!’ Her tone turned to one of grim satisfaction. ‘I chased him off when he tired to make it four hours though, oh yes-’
The man shot an anxious look in her direction, before hightailing it to the relative safety of Frozen Foods.
Catalina pressed a hand to her chest, her heart beating rather quicker than normal from the stress of everything. This couldn’t be good for her- could you induce a heart attack this way? She made a mental note to google it when they got home. ‘Anne. Are you telling me he’s the icecream man?’
‘YES!’ Anne looked at her like she was being exceptionally slow to catch on. ‘The icecream man! The reason Cathy spent yesterday all tense and anxious and wouldn’t come out of her room until nearly dinner time when she should have been having a lovely time in the garden with the rest of us! That bastard-’
‘Right.’ Catalina shook her head. ‘Ok- You nearly gave me a heart attack, I was imagining all sorts-’
‘What could be worse than his blood awful incessant music?’
‘You don’t want me to tell you, mija…’
Eventually Anne was persuaded to finish their shopping and even to talk about something else, and the two went home.
*
Later that evening, Jane looked up from her sewing and paused her audiobook as the Spanish queen opened the front door.
‘You’re back!’
‘You didn’t have to wait up for me-’
‘I know.’ Jane nodded towards the kitchen. ‘The kettle’s just boiled, if you’d like some tea-’
‘Yes please.’
Catalina pulled off her gloves and freed her hair from the stocking cap over her head.
‘Is everyone else asleep?’
‘I think so.’
‘Did anyone see you?’
Catalina shook her head and peeled off her black jersey top.
‘Of course not.’
‘You found the van then?’
‘Yep.’
‘All go ok?’
‘I had a bit of trouble getting the lid off the spraycan but I managed ok.’ She gave a small smile as she retrieved the green teabags from the back of the cupboard. ‘I think he’ll get the message, anyhow. I wrote the message big enough anyhow.’
‘What did you decide to write in the end?’
‘I didn’t want it to be too specific, I just...politely suggested he play his music more quietly in future in this area.’
‘Do you think he’ll listen?’
Catalina shrugged. ‘Maybe. I hope for his sake he does. I promised Anne we could go with her plan if mine didn’t work.’
‘What was Anne’s plan?’
‘Safer for you not to know, querida. Safer for you not to know.’