Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Dean Winchester's pov

"Get up, now!" A loud, nightmarish voice shouts suddenly, the sound instantly startling me awake as I whimper in terror.

No, not again! 

Please, just leave me alone!

Despite knowing that his words are an order and I need to obey, I don't make any move to stand, my dislocated shoulder from Azazel’s earlier visit making it impossible to push myself off the dirty mattress in the corner of my cell.

"NOW!" Azazel yells as he delivers a harsh, swift kick in the stomach.

His shiny black boot collides with my stomach hard enough that my breath escapes in a low wheeze, a sickening crack echoing throughout the room.

Fuck, that hurts like hell!

As I try in vain to catch my breath, I weakly grab at my ribs, the blooming pain in them making each breath more difficult than the last.

"You have one minute to stand, or else...” Azazel threatens in a snarl as he kicks me again, ripping the air from my lungs before I fully got it back. “I'll have to take you right here on your bed. Then, each miserable night, you'll sleep in the mess I leave behind." 

Knowing that I can't let Azazel soil my mattress, the only thing that's mine in this hell hole, I dig deep, trying to find the strength to stand.

While still clutching tightly to my stomach with my left hand, I slowly rise to my knees, the action extremely difficult between my pain and not using my arms to help push myself upright.

"Finally, looks like you’re not entirely worthless,” Azazel taunts with a cruel chuckle as he dangles a crude, black leash in front of my face. “Now, come with me."

No, I don’t want to come with you!

Just go away!

And now, oh fuck, he’s reaching for my throat!

Don’t move.

Stay still.

Don’t give him any reason to choke me.

Please, just put the leash on me and that’s it.

I hate that leash so much, but I’ll deal with it if it means I can go a few minutes without being hurt.

Painfully slowly, Azazel reaches toward my delicate throat with his much-too-large-hands, my own hands starting to tremble violently as I still weakly clutch my ribs.

I continue shaking as he attaches the leash to the d-ring on my collar, but these tremors are for a reason other than fear. 

Not only do I have to wear this awful spiked collar, but he puts a leash on me to take me someplace like I'm a fucking animal. 

I hate him!

I wish I could take that leash and wrap it around his throat, show him how it feels to be treated like this!

He must notice my anger over being leashed up because his hand lingers near my throat much longer than it should.

My entire body tenses further, my hands shaking even more violently when his hand wraps around my neck.

Oh God, oh fuck, I messed up, he’s gonna fucking choke me again!

No, I don’t want this!

Please, just go away!

"Such a beautiful whore. Who do you belong to?" Azazel asks as the hand on my throat tightens minutely, on the brink of cutting off the oxygen flowing to my heart.

Maybe this time he’ll keep squeezing until the light leaves my eyes.

Maybe then I'll finally be free from this hell.

Please, just kill me.

"I belong to Master Alastair and you, Master Azazel, the two strongest and most powerful alphas to ever exist," I say without hesitation, my voice sounding scratchy, dull, and lifeless even to my own ears, something I desperately hope doesn't result in punishment.

"That's right,” Azazel asks as he continues holding my throat, a wicked smile heard clearly in his voice. “And who do you like more?"

I pause a few moments before answering, wracking my brain for any type of response that won’t get me punished.

Seeming to dislike my brief hesitation, Azazel pulls out a long, jagged knife, always ready to cause me more pain.

As he twirls the knife with his free hand, easily showing off the skill he possesses with that weapon, I continue carefully weighing my options, hoping he’ll be a little patient with me for once.

If I say something Azazel dislikes, I know he’ll stab me. And I really don’t want to be stabbed right now, especially with the pressing dizziness and nausea I already feel. I know Azazel couldn’t kill me without facing Alastair's wrath, which I still haven’t decided if that’s a good or bad thing, but Alastair wouldn’t have any quarrels with him stabbing me, adding to my endless agony.

On the other hand, if I lie to Azazel and say that he’s my favorite, he could tell Alastair what I said, resulting in long hours of brutal torture at his hands. And fuck, I’m just so tired, I don’t think I can handle any more of his torture sessions.

After releasing a deep breath, hoping to any being that’s still listening to my sorry ass that this doesn’t get me punished, I weakly whisper the words I hate, "I am nothing more than a slave. I don’t have any preferences. I will take whatever you give me without question or complaint."

The words leave a bitter taste in my mouth, but I know it was the right choice when he smiles widely and releases my throat.

"Good boy,” Azazel praises in a condescending tone as he roughly pats my head, once again acting like I’m nothing more than an animal. “Alastair always said that you're just a pretty face, but clearly, you have a brain. I think you and I will spend a lot more time together. You have my interest. Now come with me, it's been a stressful day." 

"Thank you, Master Azazel. If you’ll let me, I can take away your stress," I say with a weak, yet hopefully seductive smile, suddenly thinking of a plan that I desperately hope will work.

It’ll be risky, but, if I pull this off, I’ll finally be free from them. God, I just want to be free, even if that means dying to do so.

I just want this to end.

"Yes, I’m taking a liking to you,” Azazel says with a smirk as he tugs roughly on my leash. “Alastair’s going to miss you with all the time we'll spend together. Are you good in the bedroom?" 

With a yelp, I fall onto my hands and knees as he tugs the leash, the pain shooting through my dislocated shoulder causing my vision to darken as bile rises in my throat.

"I asked you a question!" Azazel shouts as he backhands me, the force of his slap sending me sprawling onto the floor.

I try to brace myself for the pain that I know will come, but a horrid scream tears through my throat when my right side collides with the floor, the impact jarring my shoulder brutally.

As my loud, broken screaming turns into violent sobs, the haze of pain clears enough for me to dully realize that Azazel is talking to me.

It takes all my willpower to push past my pain, but I manage to catch little snippets of his words.

"You’re really hurt... Fucked you up real good... Have some fun with that shoulder... Hurry up... Don't like waiting..." Azazel faintly says, his voice sounding miles and miles away, but I know he’s close, his foot barely touching my dislocated shoulder, moments away from causing me more pain.

Knowing that he’ll kick my abused shoulder if I don’t listen, the pain of that no doubt enough to knock me out cold, letting Azazel do anything he wants while I’m unconscious, I grit my teeth and slowly clamber to my knees.

"Good boy. Now crawl," Azazel says with a wicked laugh as he tugs roughly on my leash again.

With no other choice left, I release a heavy sigh before I slowly start inching my way forward.

Thankfully, Azazel lets me crawl at my slow pace. Normally, I wouldn't dare press my luck by moving this slow, especially since Alastair hates these kinds of antics. Unlike usual though, I can't push past the pain in my shoulder, my dislocated arm dangling uselessly at my side as I use my other limbs to drag myself forward.

"I should ask Alastair if he’d be willing to lend you to me more often. I'd love to wake up each morning with you tied to my bed, eagerly awaiting for me to have some fun with you," Azazel says with a cruel smile heard clearly in his voice, his words causing me to shiver, knowing that I couldn't take that.

I'd rather die than spend each day with Azazel.

Alastair is the cruelest person I have ever met, but at least he has a few boundaries.

After Alastair uses me, one of his servants drags me back to my cell where I’m left alone for the night.

Without that time to myself each night, I know there would be nothing left of me.

I'm fucked up far beyond repair but, contrary to what Alastair says, I still have a brain. During those hours when I'm alone, I think about life before.

Before I presented and John sold me to Alastair so he could buy more beer. Before that, when Sammy was the only person on my mind. Back when I was a person, not a filthy plaything to Alastair and his many friends who’ve taken advantage of me.

Before I can spend any more time dwelling on the life I had before I turned 16, I’m ripped from my thoughts by a hand roughly grabbing my throat.

Before I presented, a hand wrapping around my throat would have instantly triggered my fight or flight response. For anyone who tried to touch me like that, I would’ve kicked their ass. Now, I just let my body go limp as I close my eyes, ready to accept whatever fucked up plans Azazel has for me.

For a few seconds, I’m entirely weightless, the strange sensation causing me to weakly open my eyes in confusion, but I can’t see anything, my vision gray blobs from lack of oxygen.

Finally, the hand around my throat releases, causing me to cough violently as my back slams into something soft, yet bouncy.

It takes a few seconds, but I see through blurry vision that I’m now on Azazel's bed.

Oh fuck, I’m on a bed!

Nothing good ever comes from that.

Please, I don’t want to be here!

Please, please, please!

"Look at you,” Azazel whispers with a cruel smile as I feel the bed dip beside me from his weight. “So breathtaking, laying there sprawled out on my bed. I can't wait to tie you up and take you. You'll spend the entire night screaming and begging me to stop, but I never will. Alastair is only gone for today, so we’ll enjoy this." 

I open my mouth to beg Azazel not to do this, but, before any words can come out, his lips are forcibly crashing into mine.

Bile rises in my throat as Azazel absolutely manhandles me, placing both hands on my cheeks to hold me in place as he turns a kiss into something so terribly dirty and unpleasant.

Even though I hate Alastair with all my heart, sometimes he treats me well. When I've pleased him, he’ll take the time to prepare me while kissing me softly. His kisses are slow and intimate, so different from the way Azazel is currently forcing his tongue down my throat.

As he continues roughly kissing me, biting down on my bottom lip hard enough to bruise and draw blood, I start feeling angrier than I ever have.

Who gives Azazel the right to do this to me?!

Alastair can do whatever fucked up shit he wants to me because he’s the legal owner of my contract, but Azazel has no right to do this!

When his hand slides up my shirt to caress my chest, my good hand forms a fist as I start to shake from rage.

"You fucking love this, don't you?" Azazel asks in a breathy whisper as he finally stops assaulting my mouth.

I open my mouth to plead with him, but he must view that as an invitation to continue. Once again, my words die in my throat as Azazel connects his lips with mine in the most unpleasant way.

I groan in pain into the kiss as he bites down particularly hard on my still bleeding lip, hating every second of this.

This fucking sucks!

I can deal with this type of rough treatment from Alastair, but not Azazel.

This has gone too far!

I try to break away from the kiss, but he straddles me, using his knees to pin my arms at my sides. As his knee puts pressure on my dislocated arm, I whimper into the kiss, but he just swallows down the sound with his own mouth. Now that I can't even move my arms, the helplessness of my situation sinks in, creating a bitter taste in my mouth that’s even worse than the touch of his kiss.

After a couple more minutes of him using my body for his pleasure against my will, I can't take it anymore.

An ugly sob tears its way through my throat, but hardly a sound escapes, Azazel's own mouth swallowing and drowning out my pleas.

Azazel pulls back from the kiss with a satisfied smirk, seeming completely unphased by my tears.

"Please, Master Azazel," I beg as I try to hold back my sobs, not wanting any part of this anymore.

I know begging never works, but God, I just want this to end.

"Shut the fuck up!” Azazel shouts as he wraps his hand around my throat, squeezing hard. “You were made for this, so do as I say."

I open my mouth to apologize, hoping that he’ll go easier on me if I show him I’ll be good, but no sound escapes other than a choked groan, his hand on my throat restricting my words.

As gray spots rapidly cloud my vision, I dully wonder if this is how I die.

Will Alastair return home tomorrow from his business trip to find my corpse in his brother's bed?

Wouldn’t that be a sight?

I can only imagine the anger he’d feel upon seeing me dead.

Even though I’m just a stupid, replaceable omega, I know that Alastair is fond of me. After all, he hasn’t taken any other omega to bed in years. In a sick twisted way, Alastair loves me.

God, I hope he kills me.

If Azazel kills me, not only would I be free from this hell, but Azazel would be in agony. Alastair would make him pay for killing me.

And I'd love to see this fucker pay!

By the time my head is pounding furiously and my vision is nothing but a dark gray blob, Azazel releases his hold on my throat.

I tell myself that, even though I could breathe now, I shouldn't. 

I mean, what's the point in prolonging my suffering?

Even though I vow not to breathe, my traitorous body greedily sucks in oxygen the moment Azazel is no longer preventing me from breathing.

"Don't ever speak to me unless I ask you to,” Azazel says in a stern tone as he punches me in the nose, making my fight for oxygen even more difficult. “I will not tolerate begging." 

As I continue trying in vain to catch my breath, I feel warmth start to ooze from my nose.

Tentatively, I poke my swollen tongue out of my abused mouth to lick my upper lip, the copper tang of blood from my nose instantly filling my mouth.

"Master Azazel?” I ask hesitantly once I’ve caught my breath, desperation creeping into my tone as I hope that he may go easy on me if I apologize. “I'm sorry," 

"You should be sorry, you useless slut!” Azazel exclaims with a murderous look in his eyes. “I should just kill you." 

As he pulls out the knife from earlier, I stare intently at it, knowing that this could be the end for me.

He might actually kill me.

I could finally be free.

Free...

But would I be free? 

Is death really freedom?

Or is being free living the life I want, with Sammy by my side? 

What if I’m thinking about this all wrong?

For so long, I’ve just wanted to die and end this constant agony.

If I die, I wouldn't have to spend another day with Alastair and Azazel.

What if I don't have to die though?

What if Azazel is the one who needs to die, not me?

Would I be free without him in my life?

Suddenly, I’m roughly yanked from my thoughts as a sharp, throbbing pain explodes within my dislocated shoulder.

As yet another agonized scream tears through my battered and abused throat, I quickly glance at my shoulder, trying to find any way to relieve this new, unbearable pain.

As hot tears flood my vision, my voice breaking and dying mid-scream, I realize that my shoulder hurts so much now because he stabbed it with that twisted knife of his.

That bastard not only dislocated my shoulder, but then he fucking stabbed me in it! 

How dare he?!

And, oh my God, I might never get to use my right arm again after this!

I’ll never be able to drive, or write, or play sports, or do much of anything ever again.

Azazel has already stolen so much from me when he has no right to, now this?!

Fuck him!

I’m gonna fucking kill him for this!

I’ve never hated anyone in my life this much and I’m gonna make him know how I feel about him!

Even John doesn’t compare to this bastard! I thought that John destroyed my life beyond repair when he sold me to Alastair, but Azazel is the true monster here. I’ve been hurt beyond belief in the 3 years I’ve been here, but at least Alastair has never caused permanent damage to me. He doesn’t want to hurt me like that, but Azazel just fucked me up in ways Alastair never would.

So, I’ll fuck him up in ways he’s never experienced!

Let’s see how he likes his own knife through his fucking heart!

With adrenaline and hatred fueling me, my pain seems to fade into the background, becoming nothing more than a dull ache as only one thought courses through my mind: find a way to kill Azazel.

After a few seconds of thinking, I bite down on my bottom lip to keep from smiling, knowing how I can get Azazel’s guard down enough to kill him.

Time to kill Azazel using his endless greed and desire to take what isn’t his.

Before he dies, he’ll know that he shouldn't have tried to take me from Alastair. He knows Alastair doesn’t like to share, but he did this to me anyway. What an entitled prick. He could have had any other omega in this building to pleasure him, but he chose me. So, I’ll give him what he wants. I’ll give him the best blowjob of his Goddamn life, and then I’ll fucking end his life.

With an eerie calm settling over my entire being, helping me further ignore my pain, I give Azazel my most seductive and flirty smile while saying, “As much as I enjoyed your kisses, Master Azazel, I can do much better things with this mouth.”

“Oh, is that so?” Azazel asks with a large smirk, excitement and lust clearly broadcasted on every inch of his disgusting face. “It seems my brother has trained you well. Let’s see what you can do.”

Eagerly, Azazel clambers off me, jumping to his feet with surprising agility for his age.

Wow, he really wants this.

Well, he’s gonna get this and much more than he bargained for. 

The second he looks down at me expectantly, I know that is my cue to move. With practiced ease and grace, I swiftly move off the bed and sink to my knees, placing my working hand at the small of my back the way Alastair taught me to. After all, his guests always find it hot if I use my mouth to take down their pants, not my hands.

As I slowly move forward, I make a show of sticking out my tongue to lick my swollen lips, trying to appear every bit eager and willing to do this.

For once though, I actually am looking forward to pleasuring someone. This might be the last time I ever have to do this. If this really works, I’ll be free from here, free from the frequent stream of guests who like to use me, free from Azazel’s grabby and violent hands, free from Alastair’s kind caresses that never cease to fuck up my head.

I could have my life back. I could find Sammy and we could get the hell away from my dad. When he turns 18, he can claim me as his omega and I’d be safe. I’d never have to do this again. I’d never have to be at the mercy of a stranger again. I’d never have to wonder again if I had behaved well enough to get food that day. I could just be… Dean Winchester again, big brother to Sam Winchester. There’d be no pain, no sex, no begging, no crying, no thoughts of dying. I… I could even be happy again. I… I could even be free again.

"Wow, Alastair must have fun with you, look how excited you are for this,” Azazel whispers in awe as I use my teeth to undo the fly on his jeans, purposely mouthing at his erection along the way to build his excitement. “If you're half as good as you look, we need to do this more often.”

By way of response, I just mouth at his bulge again, sucking in hard for good measure, feeling satisfied when he releases a needy whine.

Seeming too impatient for my foreplay, he grabs my hair and yanks my head away from his still clothed dick, then uses his other hand to rip down his pants with much more force than necessary.

Now that his clothes are no longer restricting him, his dick quickly springs up, already leaking a bit in its excitement.

As I stare at him for a few moments, waiting for the hand in my hair to guide me to my destination, I realize that he is much smaller than Alastair. In fact, he’s a hell of a lot smaller. Wow, that’s gotta be the smallest dick I’ve ever seen... Even if I wasn’t so well-practiced, I bet I could take the whole thing down without gagging even once. Yeah, he’s that damn tiny. 

“Like what you see?” Azazel asks cheekily as the hand in my hair tightens.

Without hesitation, I vehemently nod my head, smiling at the sight of his dick. 

This is gonna be a fucking piece of cake! 

I was worried about this final blowjob at Azazel’s hands being hell, but I won’t have any trouble at all with taking down his whole, microscopic length. 

I wonder if this is why he’s such an asshole. Maybe he likes beating up male omegas like me because he knows that, even though we should be biologically smaller, we’ve got bigger cocks than him.

I bet that pisses him off to no end, knowing he’s much smaller than me.

Or maybe he doesn’t actually know. Maybe he’s asking me if I like his dick because he thinks it’s the biggest and grandest one I’ve ever seen.

Oh, the irony; the biggest dick on the planet actually has a smaller dick than anyone else.

Before I can spend any more time making fun of his dick in my mind, he yanks roughly on my hair, lifting my head up to meet his gaze.

As he looks into my eyes, I give him another seductive smile, feeling satisfied as his tiny dick gives an excited jump at my smile.

Without being told, I open my mouth wide, relaxing my jaw as I wait for him to settle into place.

Sure enough, without any form of resistance, he slides into my mouth, groaning softly at the feeling of the warm, sticky heat.

Instantly, I swipe my tongue against his underside, feeling accomplished at the shuddering moan he releases.

Wow, this is gonna be the fastest blowjob of my life if he’s already coming undone.

With renewed vigor, I begin sucking and swirling my tongue, each second that goes by has increased frequency and volume of his sounds of pleasure. 

After an embarrassingly short amount of time, his hips stutter and the hand in my hair tightens, telling me he is about to climax.

It’s fucking showtime!

With one large, frantic thrust into my mouth, his seed explodes, causing a hot, bitter liquid to gush down my throat, but I don’t pay it any mind.

As I begin swallowing and milking him through his pleasure, he screams in ecstasy, lost in his own little world.

His own little world that’s about to go up in fucking flames.

While still distracting him with my mouth, I move my left hand from behind my back, feeling giddy and excited and so fucking nervous and so fucking hopeful all at once.

Let’s fucking do this.

In one swift movement, I use my left hand to pull the knife from my shoulder and shove it into his stomach at his belly button, dragging the jagged knife across the entire length of his stomach. The moment the knife pierces his flesh, I stop sucking and bite down on his dick as hard as I can. 

Instantly, his high of pleasure and screams of ecstasy turn into shouts of pure, unadulterated agony. 

While still biting down on his dick, I pull the knife out of his stomach and throw it toward the window, not wanting him to use it against me once he recovers.

"FUCK," Azazel screams as he begins roughly slapping and scratching my face, but I keep biting as if my entire life depends on it, drawing a twisted satisfaction from mutilating his tiny, insignificant dick.

After a few more moments, I release him, knowing that I need to distance myself from him before he thinks about choking me, something that could kill me before he bleeds out.

While clutching his bloody stomach with both hands, trying hard to keep his blood and guts from spilling out, Azazel backs away from me, his face morphed by disbelief, pain, and hatred.

"You're fucking dead!” Azazel shouts as he slumps against the nearest wall, his face already looking extremely pale and ashen from blood loss. “When my brother sees what you've done to me, he’ll make you regret the day you were born." 

“Oh no, I’m shaking,” I sneer as I quickly walk toward the window, knowing I need to get away from him as fast as possible, especially since someone might have heard his screams. “I’m getting the hell away from here; you or Alastair can’t touch me.

"How dare you?!” Azazel screams as I scoop the knife off the floor along my way to the window, spitting out a clump of his blood and semen as I smile sadistically. “I own you, you little bitch, you can’t do this!"

"No, you don't own me!” I shout at him as I open the window, shivering at the cold breeze, fresh air being something so foreign to me now. “I’m Alastair’s omega, not yours. He’s kind to me, but you're just a cruel bastard!" 

"Fuck you!" Azazel screams as I use my knife to cut through the window screen, once again shivering as a bigger gust of wind tears through the room.

"See ya in hell," I taunt as I carefully start to climb out the window, ecstatic that I’m actually leaving this place behind.

When I’m halfway out the window, I look down at the ground below and, oh fuck, Azazel’s bedroom is on the second floor!

How am I supposed to get down safely?!

This fucking sucks!

I’ll probably break my fucking neck before I survive a fall like that.

After a few seconds of contemplation, I’m ripped from my thoughts as pain explodes through my lower back, white-hot agony flaring behind my eyes as tears rush to them.

Through blurry vision, I turn around and see that Azazel is holding a sleek, black pistol shakily in both hands, lining up another shot, this time for my head.

Oh my fucking God, he’s gonna shoot me, he’s gonna fucking kill me, we’re both gonna die and I don’t wanna fucking die and I have to get the hell out of here!

Fuck, I have to do it!

Oh fuck, is it better to die from being shot or becoming a fucking pancake?

Shit, it’s time to find out.

Goodbye cruel world.

At least I took this bastard down with me.

Without hesitating any longer, I lean to my left and begin plummeting down toward the ground, faintly hearing another boom of the gun over the rush of wind in my ears.

As I fall out the window, I can’t help but wonder if this is what true freedom feels like.

This rushing, entirely weightless feeling is terrifying, but also exhilarating.

It’s like knowing you’ll fail at something, but still trying to succeed because you have the freedom and willpower to go through with it. 

Just like me trying to escape. I know I’m going to fail, that I’ll die any second now, but, in a sudden rush of courage and desire for freedom, I had to try.

I tried.

From an outsider’s perspective, it must have sounded like a loud thud, filled with snaps and cracks of breaking bones.

All I hear is ringing, loud and jarring, like a thousand trumpet players screaming in my ear, adding to the pain I already feel. 

And then, I feel nothing, I see nothing but the whites of my eyelids, or maybe it's the white of the sky, or maybe it’s puffy white clouds of heaven. 

Although, I always expected that I would go to hell.

Huh, I’m surprised.

Dully, I realize that my thoughts are too calm and collected for someone who is laying on the ground, broken bones and bleeding out and dying out and dying and oh fuck I’m dying I think I’m dying and I don’t want to die but hell I’m in a hell of a lot of pain and that means I’m probably fucking dying and fuck fuck fuck fu-

The trumpet players continue blaring their instruments in my ears, but, suddenly, it becomes morphed and twisted, the screams of the instruments suddenly turning into a man screaming.

That man sounds like he’s in a lot of pain.

Y’know, I’m in a lot of pain…

Wait, is that me screaming?

Is that why my throat feels like it is literally on fire?

Am I literally on fire, is that why I’m in so much agony?

Why am I in this much pain?

Oh fuck, that’s right, I just killed a man. I just stabbed Azazel, my master’s brother, and then I fell out a fucking window so he wouldn’t shoot me. Again.

Fuck, that’s right, he shot me in the back. My back is bleeding. I’m gonna fucking bleed out if I don’t move.

Okay, so I just gotta move. Easy, just use my good arm to prop myself up, then stand and walk away, preferably before someone comes outside and finds me and kills me because I really don’t wanna die but I still think I’m dying and oh fuck that’s right I don’t wanna die but I might die and I think I’m panicking because I don’t wanna die but I can’t stop panicking because I think I’m dying and please don’t let me die and I just have to move so I don’t die because I don’t want to die so let’s just stand up and move and get the hell out of here now!

"What was that?" I faintly hear someone ask from inside, the sound of their voice instantly causing me to panic.

Oh fuck, I have to move, I can't let them find me!

Okay, time to stand up.

Slowly, I use my good arm to push myself into a sitting position, feeling dizzy and nauseous at even that small movement.

Despite my pain and fatigue, I move to stand and, after rising up about halfway, I almost fall back to the ground, my left leg nearly buckling as fire hot agony shoots through it, starting at my ankle and traveling all the way up to my hip.

Pushing past the immense pain in my leg, I take a step forward, heavily favoring my other leg as I limply drag my left one behind me.

While hoping with all my heart that no one sees me, I begin slowly walking alongside the house, placing my left hand against the wall to support my weight as I limp along.

"What are you doing out here?" An unfamiliar female voice asks once I’m near the corner of the back yard.

"Master Azazel pushed me out the window, Miss," I say quietly as I continue limping forward, not wanting to turn around.

If she sees the blood on my shirt, she might realize what I’ve done to Azazel.

"Oh, dear! Are you okay?" The woman asks, the genuine concern in her voice confusing me.

"I... I don't know, Miss... I have to get back to him or he’ll punish me more," I whisper after a few seconds of hesitation, feeling guilty for lying, but she can't know the truth.

No one can know what I'm really doing.

No one can know how close I am to sweet freedom.

"Yes, of course. Good luck," the woman whispers, her words causing me to smile slightly.

I sure as hell need some good luck right now.

"Thank you, Miss. Good luck to you as well," I say with my smile still in place despite my pain, thankful for her small act of kindness.

I release a heavy sigh when I hear her footsteps retreat, followed by the backdoor closing again.

Hopefully no one else will notice me now.

I don’t think I can take another interaction as my head pounds and my hands tremble and my back bleeds and my leg aches and I just want to rest for a long, long time.

Slowly, I continue limping alongside the house until I reach the front.

With a discouraged sigh, I look around, seeing nothing but trees for miles. Of course his house would have to be in the fucking woods. Why couldn’t I just walk a couple doors down into the safety of another’s home? 

Why does this place have to be out in the middle of nowhere? As if escaping wasn't already hard enough, now I have to find some sign of civilization, preferably before bleeding out.

Damn, this is going to be one hell of a journey.

Chapter Text

Dean's pov

90…

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As I continue slowly limping through the woods, I count the steps I take, needing anything concrete to focus on so I can distract myself from all this pain and the fact that I’m literally dying. 

97… 

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Wow, I can’t believe I’ve already gone a hundred feet. 

Not like it really matters though. 

I don’t have any sort of destination in mind, just a panicked part of my brain constantly screaming at me: keep moving, don’t you dare stop, or else you’ll die. So, I just keep pressing onward, going deeper and deeper into the chilling blackness of the night and the never-ending woods. 

The utterly exhausted part of me wonders why I even keep moving. I mean, even if I somehow manage to find a person in these woods, why the hell would they help me? They’ll probably just leave me to die or, even worse, they’ll scan my tag and return me to Alastair.

While shivering, I push that thought from my mind, knowing that, if I think about going back to Alastair, I’ll lose the last of my sanity that I’m desperately clinging to. If there’s a chance that, even with how hard I’m working, how fast I’m walking, I could still end up with Alastair, there’s no point in even trying.

If, in the end, I’ll just wind up back in Alastair’s bed, I might as well lay down in the dirt right here and slowly bleed out. 

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Even though it would be so easy to let my tired and abused body rest, there’s one thing that keeps me going: Sammy’s faded and blurry image in my mind.

I know that, if I stop to rest, I’ll never get to see him again.

I don’t want Sammy’s last memory of me to be when the handlers that John called dragged me into a crate to be transported to Alastair.

I have to see him again. 

I have to let him know that I’m alive.

By no means am I okay, but, with his help, maybe one day I could be.

Not if I give up now though.

If I die, Sammy will waste so much of his life trying to rescue a corpse that once was his brother.

So, even though everything hurts like hell and I’m having trouble breathing and I’m barely keeping nausea at bay and I keep nearly tripping and falling on branches and I just want to give up, I continue walking, continue counting my steps because it’s the only thing I’m in control of right now.

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As I continue limping along, I try my best to ignore the fierce, burning in my right foot from an eternity of walking on it. I try to ignore the fact that, because I have no shoes, my feet are cut up and torn to pieces from stepping on too many thorns, rocks, and sharp twigs littering the ground of these woods. I try to avoid thinking about how each labored breath comes out in a low, barely-there wheeze that rattles my ribcage and sends sharp, shooting pains through my ribs. I try to stop thinking about the merciless fire of agony that starts in my left foot and spreads through my leg, tearing through muscle and bones all the way up to my hip whenever that leg accidentally touches something too hard. And I certainly refrain from noticing the steady trickle, the occasional drip, drip, drip of blood that seeps from the bullet hole in my lower back, then travels down the rest of the length until the drops land on the ground below me, no doubt leaving a nice, convenient trail for a wild animal to find and kill me with. 

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I can do this.

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I don't care how fucking impossible it might seem.

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I will live.

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For Sammy.

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I have to do this for him.

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18-

Pain unlike anything I have ever known rips me from my thoughts, shattering the steady calm that counting brought me.

One moment I was limping forward and counting, just like I had the other 187 steps, and then, then fuck, so much pain.

I can’t think.

I can’t breathe.

My right shoulder screams at me, white-hot agony shooting through it, each pulse of firey pain stealing my breath away. 

My left leg, which used to be a constant, dull thrum of agony from broken bones, other than the occasional spike of pain, is now a flood of agony, like a dam bursting free, the rush of painful water stealing my breath away even more, zapping away my oxygen as I slowly drown. 

My torso is changed and warped into a twisted, painful mess, feeling like someone is playing jump rope or trying to tie a bow with my rips and lungs, unable to breathe normally because my ribs are too close to my lungs and everything is caving in, making it so difficult to breathe and my bloody and bleeding back is also making it hard to breathe, as if the bullet has suddenly pierced both my lungs because there’s so much pain and I can’t fucking breathe .

With considerable effort, I try to stave off my panic and take a deep, shuddering breath, slowly and painfully coughing it out. As I do so, a cloud of dirt puffs up, some of the specks landing on my face and sticking to my sweaty and bloody skin. 

Dirt…

Why the hell is there dirt on my face?

Oh, shit, I must be on the ground.

I guess I fell and that’s why everything hurts a billion times worse than before.

Dully, I hear the sound of someone screaming over the rush of my own blood in my ears, the sound raw and painful, like a wounded animal.

As a sudden pain rips through my abused throat, adding to the rest of my agony, I realize that I’m the one who’s screaming.

I’m the thing that’s screaming like a dying, wounded animal.

Somehow, I can’t bring myself to care.

So what if I’m screaming?

It’s not like anyone is here to hear my pain?

It’s not like there is anyone around for miles.

And, even if someone hears, it’s not like they’ll give a damn about my well-being or the fact that I feel like I’ve been run over by a fucking semi-truck.

I’m utterly and entirely alone, left here to suffer and drown and die all by myself.

And, God, even though I really don’t want to go out like this, even though I desperately want to see Sammy one more time, I know it’s over.

It's over.

I tried so hard, but I just can't anymore.

I have nothing left.

All I can do is lay here, trying my best to breathe through the pain until someone finds me and rescues me or I bleed out from the still gushing wound on my back.

Both sound fucking awful.

Or maybe the raw, still burning pain will kill me. It sure as hell feels like it. The fire still rips through my throat, threatening to consume my entire body, but it doesn’t stop.

Dully, I know that pain is from my screams, but I can’t stop , no matter how I try, the high-pitched, utterly wounded sound keeps echoing throughout the woods, as if my throat has a mind of its own, no longer under the command of my brain.

Finally, my voice breaks, my vocal cords still straining to scream, to show the world that I'm here and I'm in pain and I'm dying and I want help, but my voice is shot and absolutely spent, abruptly descending the world around me into silence.

Pure, deafening silence.

Other than my shallow, raspy breaths, there is nothing but all-encompassing silence, the sound proving to me how alone I am. 

There is no one out here to save me.

I tried my damndest to escape, to finally live life for myself for the first time in so long, but I just couldn’t.

I’m too hurt.

I’m too weak.

God, I’m so weak.

I’ve survived years of abuse, I even fucking killed a man but, when it comes down to it, I couldn’t be free.

I couldn’t escape the hell that my life has become.

I'll never be free.

Instead of gaining the freedom that I so desperately desire with every fiber of my being , I’m just going to lay here in the dirt, slowly bleeding out, nothing but my failure and pain to keep me company.

This fucking sucks!

I’m really going to die.

I didn’t even make it to fucking twenty years old and I’m going to die!

But, even though I want to live, dying like this, without any alpha’s hands using and abusing me, is probably the best way I could have gone out.

For my last moments alive, I won’t have to deal with anymore new pain.

Sure, everything hurts like hell, but it can’t get any worse.

I finally have a moment of twisted reprieve.

Just my luck, nothing good ever lasts long and, only moments after I begin to feel at peace with my shitty predicament, I hear a loud, sharp crack of a twig snapping, the sound instantly filling me with absolute dread, yet the smallest twinge of hope.

Something’s here.

Oh God, oh fuck, oh my fucking God, something’s here and they’re getting closer to me and they’re coming to hurt me and they’re going to fucking kill me.

I changed my mind, I don’t want to die, but especially not like this.

I don't want this!

I don't want it!

Please, just leave me alone!

"Hello, is someone there?" A deep, gravelly voice asks loudly, yet hesitantly, the young man’s voice accompanied by the harsh snaps of more branches and twigs as he tramples his way toward me.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

A person, and a man nonetheless, knows I’m out here and they’re trying to find me and I don’t want to be found and I’m so fucking scared and I just wanted to die in peace but no one ever cares what I fucking want and I fucking hate everything and everyone and just let me die !

Fuck, what should I do ? 

Can I even do anything?

Or is this man just going to find me and hurt me and kill me and maybe even bring me back to Alastair and fuck I don’t want him to find me!

I don't respond to his question, unable to even think of forming words through my panic, my breaths coming out in fast, shallow puffs that send even more agony through my ribs and back wound and I just want everything to stop and please make it all stop before he hurts me.

As I continue panicking, desperately trying to breathe but feeling like I can’t get in enough air through the pain in my throat and chest, suddenly the world grows a thousand times brighter, the harsh light causing me to close my eyes tightly.

And, oh fuck, everything just got brighter because this man has a flashlight and he’s shining it directly at me which means he knows where I am and he can see me and he can see how hurt I am and see that I’m on the brink of death and he can see the stupid fucking leash attached to my stupid fucking collar and he knows oh God he knows that I’m an omega and he’s going to hurt me and take me back to Alastair after he’s done and I fucking can’t I can’t I can’t I just ca-

“Are you dead?!” The man asks in a raised, worried tone as he rushes toward me, his loud, hurried footsteps making me panic even more, terrified that he’s going to accidentally step on me, or maybe he’ll purposely step on me, right on my dislocated shoulder or broken leg to cause me the most pain.

What if he’s rougher with me because he thinks I’m dead?!

What if he grabs me and tries to drag me because he thinks I’m not alive and I won’t feel any pain and oh my God I don’t want that I don’t want him to hurt me.

Deciding that I’d rather him know I’m alive than dead, I twitch the fingers of my left hand the slightest bit, unable to muster up the energy to do anything else.

“Good, you’re alive,” the man whispers in a strained, breathy voice as he slows his advance toward me, his voice sounding much closer, like he is only a few feet away.

I don’t make any move to respond once again, just lay here, trying my best to breathe through the pain and budding panic I feel.

After a few more moments, his footsteps stop entirely, the lack of sound causing me to panic further, knowing that he must be right next to me, close enough to touch me and hurt me and fuck me and kill me and take me back to Alastair and do so many bad things to me and I don’t want him this close to me but here he is and he’s going to hurt me.

When a large hand covers my left one unexpectedly, I flinch violently, the sharp movement causing me to wince as piercing agony shoots through my entire body, causing me even more pain.

“You’re okay,” the man says in a quiet and cautious tone as he uses his thumb to rub small, soothing circles against the back of my hand. “I know you must be hurting and terrified, but I won’t hurt you. I promise.”

I don’t believe him, can’t possibly believe him, but I don’t say that, instead just continue trying to slowly breathe through the agony I feel, wishing this man would just go away and leave me to die in peace.

Although, his touch on my hand does feel kinda nice…

It’s been so long that someone touched me without hurting me.

Slowly, as he continues rubbing my hand, I start to relax from his steady, soothing touch, my breathing calming from my rapid, panicked puffs of air into something softer and more regular.

“That’s it, you’re doing very well,” the deep voice rumbles reassuringly as he continues stroking my hand, his words causing the omega inside me to soar and preen at his praise, something I hardly ever hear. “Such a good omega, letting me help you like this.”

Even though I know I shouldn’t, I whine softly at his words and touch, hating that he is doing this, but also not wanting him to stop.

No one's ever this nice to me.

I love feeling like this, but I'm fucking terrified of what I'll have to do to repay him for this kindness.

“It’s okay, sweetheart, you’re safe now,” he murmurs reassuringly and, against my better judgement, I let myself relax further, my inner omega urguring me that I’m safe until I no longer have control, my body going limp and pilliant.

As I breathe shakily, terrified that this man is going to take advantage of my willing submission, something that I have never done before, I can’t help but wonder what the hell I’m doing?

Do I really want to survive this badly that I’m willing to cozy up to some stranger who could easily take advantage of me?

I guess so.

If listening to this man means he’ll help me survive, I have to try.

For Sammy.

With thoughts of Sammy in my brain, I do the otherwise unthinkable and slowly and weakly plead, “H-h-hel’ m-m-m-me.”

Surprisingly, the man beside me sighs heavily, his voice sounding… sad and pained as he whispers, “Don’t worry, I will certainly help you. My little brother, who is an omega like you, is training to become a doctor. If you agree, I can take you to my house for him to mend your injuries.”

For a few seconds, my brain seems to flatline, getting hung up on the words “omega” and “doctor” in the same sentence without any hint of treachery or mocking tone. 

Is this guy serious?

He really has an omega brother who thinks he can become a doctor?

Doesn’t he understand that this world is a shitty place, one that will never let an omega amount to anything more than a bed-warmer?

Who the hell does he think he is?

Why does he get to follow his dreams of becoming a doctor, but I can’t even become a shitty mechanic?

Before my anger can build even further, I gasp in pain as a sharp pang of agony suddenly shoots through my back wound, reminding me that I’m still bleeding out, still fucking dying in these woods.

“Are you alright?” The man asks in a worried voice, his question causing me to weakly roll my eyes, unable to believe that he just asked a dying man something so stupid. 

Seeming to realize the absurdity of his question, the man hastily continues, “What I meant is if I did something to hurt you more? Or are your current injuries causing you more pain now?” 

Not wanting to waste the energy answering his pointless questions, I quietly beg, “Jus' t-ta’e m-me h-hom-m-me.”

Seeming to understand my jumbled and slurred words, the man immediately says, “Yes, of course. I’ll try to be as gentle as I can, but I doubt that I can carry you home without adding to your pain.”

For a few moments, I can’t help but feel anger toward this stranger for the way he’s talking to me. 

If I wasn't so hurt, I would feel humiliated by the way he is treating me. 

Like I will shatter if he holds me the wrong way, a fragile vase just waiting to be destroyed now that the once-beautiful flowers inside are frail and dying.

As quickly as the anger came, it abruptly fades, becoming replaced by an absurdly powerful feeling of loss and longing as he moves his thumb off my hand, leaving the places he touched feeling unnaturally cold without his body heat.

“I’m sorry in advance,” the man mutters as a warning as his hands loosely snake underneath my legs and the back of my neck, no doubt heading toward my injured back.

“N-NO!” I scream as loud as I can, not wanting him to touch my back, knowing it will make everything hurt so much worse. 

Seeming startled by the strength of my outburst, the man immediately removes his hands from my body, pulling back quickly as if he got burned by touching me.

“What happened?” The man asks in alarm, genuine concern in his voice that I don’t have any time to wonder about before he’s onto the next question. “Did I touch you somewhere you’re hurt?”

After taking a few deep breaths to steel myself and ease the renewed pain in my throat from yelling, I whisper even quieter than before, “B-bac’ s-s-shot-t… b-b-blo-od-d.”

“You were shot in the back?!” The man asks loudly, the worry in his voice somehow seeming to increase more.

I don’t respond yet again, my eyes finally slipping shut as everything grows heavier, even the simple task of keeping them open becoming too much for me.

Distantly, I hear the man talking, feel his hands on my legs and shoulders again, but it doesn’t really feel like he’s touching me, my body no longer feeling like my own as all my pain seems to become nothing but a distant nightmare.

Everything is just so far away and, no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to get closer, like I'm running a marathon, but I can't find the fucking finish line, leaving me no choice but to aimlessly run for hours toward no concrete goal. 

It’s all just dark and heavy and so very tiring that I can’t stay like this any longer.

I’m just so tired.

So tired of fighting.

So tired of trying.

So tired of just being alive in a world full of nothing but pain.

I just want it to go away. 

As everything becomes much too heavy and suffocating, my last, fleeting thought is the hope that this person and his brother will be nothing like Alastair and Azazel.

Please, just this once, I hope I found someone who won’t hurt me. 

Chapter Text

Castiel's pov

What am I doing right now?

It is after one in the morning, I have to be ready for school much too soon and, instead of sleeping, I am trekking through the woods near my house, carrying an omega on the brink of death in my arms.

The day has only been going on for an hour, but I already want it to end.

I simply want to crawl back into bed and pretend that this never happened.

Instead, I have to bring this omega home and convince Gabriel to help save his life.

I should have no trouble getting Gabriel to agree; not only is he very kind-hearted, but he always jumps at the chance to practice his plethora of medical knowledge on willing subjects. 

Too many times he has tried to practice on me, despite my reminders that I despise needles. I have no doubt that he will love having someone he can help who won’t protest his work.

No, I am not worried about this omega getting help, but I can’t avoid thinking about what comes after. 

Even once this omega isn’t in immediate, life-threatening danger, we can’t bring him back to wherever he came from. 

I have no idea who this omega’s alpha was but, beneath all the pain, blood, and terror, I smell their toxic, sulfuric oder, the scent of it causing my own nose to twist in disgust and my inner alpha to snarl and bare his fangs. I have never liked the smell of other alphas, but this one, in particular, makes my skin crawl and activates protective urges that I didn’t even know existed.

I want nothing more than to tear this alpha’s head from his own neck and shoulders for abusing this omega so badly.

That would be extremely improper of me to do though, so I will simply imagine all the ways I could make that alpha pay as I gingerly carry this battered omega to my house.

Not only am I worried about how we can take care of this omega once he heals, but I am paranoid of Gabriel’s reaction.

Lately, he has seemed even more… unstable than usual.

While I don’t like to think so lowly of my beloved little brother, I can’t help but worry that one wrong move could set him off and ruin everything we have worked toward building together.

I don’t think he would ever hurt anyone, but, after seeing an omega this badly abused, he might think of how our brothers and father treated him, leading to him lashing out in anger.

Although, it is quite possible that Gabriel won’t react as strongly to this man’s condition if he doesn’t realize that he is an omega. 

Underneath all the pain and fear, it is nearly impossible to detect his sweet, apple pie omega scent. 

And, with this man’s large size, he could easily pass as a beta.

I hate the thought of lying to Gabriel about this man’s status, but it would be for his own good.

When we are both better rested, we can calmly have a conversation about the fact that this man is an omega and the past abuse both of them have suffered, but not now.

Not in the middle of the night, when Gabriel will no doubt be grouchy about his lack of ‘beauty sleep’, as he likes to call it.

We certainly shouldn’t talk about this man’s status when he could die at any moment from the apparent bullet wound in his back and other injuries he sustained.

I have a feeling this is going to be the longest night of my life.

I just hope it will all be okay.

I hope this stranger will live through these next few days.

I don’t know anything about him, don’t even know his name , but that doesn’t matter. 

No matter who he is or what he has done, he doesn’t deserve this.

No one deserves this type of maltreatment. 

A weak, pained whimper from the omega immediately pulls me from my musings, the sound instantly putting me on high alert and causing a strange feeling to bloom in my chest, like sharp, unforgiving claws wrapping around my heart and squeezing harshly. 

Even though I hope the omega is unconscious, giving him a much-needed break from the majority of his pain, I whisper as gently as I can, “Shh, it’s alright, Little Omega. We will take good care of you.”

When he makes no move to respond, my inner alpha whines in distress, seemingly distraught that this omega, whom he has become alarmingly fond of already, is in immense pain.

Feeling annoyed, I try my best to ignore those feelings of my counterpart, knowing that giving in to the urge to growl and snarl at invisible threats to this omega would be utterly uncalled for.

Even with no one around to see, acting so barbaric and out of control would only hurt my chances of helping this omega.

Stupid alpha instincts.

Not only are these strange urges making me feel strong waves of protectiveness for this absolute stranger, but they also make me feel uncharacteristically aggressive, like I could tear someone from limb to limb at the slightest aggressor. 

I hate it!

I have always thought that I have remarkable control over this… less desirable side of me, but right now it feels like every ounce of control I have is slipping at each pained noise the omega makes. 

Feeling overprotective and concerned for Gabriel is one thing, although I still don’t like the strong urges I get then, but this man is an absolute stranger.

I don't even know his name!

And, even though my inner alpha begs and pleads for me not to think about it, there is a good chance this omega doesn't live through the next hour.

As soon as I have that thought with such startling clarity, I wince, feeling like I have been punched in the gut as my alpha roars and howls in anguish demanding: get help, fix omega, can’t die, must live, my omega must live .

Wait, what was that?

I-I don’t understand…

My omega must live .

What the hell is this?!

Did my inner alpha forget that I already have an omega?!

My omega is safe at home, sleeping in his bed.

This stranger is just some sorry omega I found; in no way is he mine!

Despite my confident assertion to my inner alpha that this is not my omega, that we don’t even know the omega, his panic doesn’t lessen, still frantically running, howling, and begging that I fix this.

This is the absolute worst!

Why don’t these things have an off switch?!

I was perfectly content with life before I presented, but no, now I have to deal with this… thing inside of me, demanding that I do unruly and uncalled for things.

The worst part is that I have only been an alpha for two years.

These two years have been the longest of my entire life, but I still have my whole , long life ahead of me as an alpha. 

My inner alpha growls at me and, with much more willpower than I like to admit, I resist the urge to growl back, not wanting to stoop to the primal level of him. 

Bitterly though, I realize that I have it good.

Sure, the alpha inside me never ceases to annoy me, but it could be so much worse.

I could be an omega and have to suffer through a life of pain and abuse.

I could have to deal with scummy, knot-head alphas trying to use me for their own twisted desires. 

I could have to deal with that and so much worse.

Just like this omega.

Just… like Gabriel.

Immediately, my anger dissipates as I deflate, knowing that I have no right to complain about my trivial alpha problems.

So what if I have to deal with this annoying thing and all its weird urges?

Because of this thing, I am considered the best of the best, more powerful than anyone.

Actually, that isn’t entirely true.

That applies for most alphas, but somehow I seem to have missed the cut.

All the other alphas at school have a posse following them, girls and boys alike hanging off their arms whether beta or omega, just vying for their attention.

I am lucky if I get glares from students as any form of attention.

No one likes the strange alpha at school who ‘talks funny’ and ‘lives in the woods with his weirdo little brother’. 

No one says it to my face because, well, I am still an alpha who could ‘beat their asses’ as Gabriel enjoys frequently reminding me. Still, that doesn’t stop them from pointing and whispering when they think I won’t notice.

But, no matter, it isn’t like I come to school to make friends, unlike many of those airheads seem interested in doing. 

I go to school to learn and make sure that Gabriel has a fair chance to learn as well. 

Even though people don’t like me, at least I don’t have to fear being assaulted or groped in the halls as Gabriel does. 

Being an alpha is subpar often, but I never feel unsafe, which is something this omega and Gabriel don’t have the luxury of experiencing. 

For once, my inner alpha is quiet, his metaphorical tail between his legs, seeming sad to think of the way our omega, and many others like this one I found, are unfairly treated. 

Well, at least we are in agreement for once. 

Today must be my lucky day.

At least I don’t have to deal with a whiny inner alpha and a dying omega.

Instantly, my inner alpha snarls and growls at me, upset by my thought that, after a few moments of hesitation, I agree was rude.

“Sorry,” I mutter sheepishly, feeling my face heat up as I quite literally talk to myself, but I deem it okay since the only one around is an omega who will be too delirious to remember any of this. 

Seeming unable to sense my embarrassment at talking to him, my inner alpha relents, no longer growling, instead just pacing restlessly and nervously, seeming genuinely torn up over this wounded omega.

And, while I do hope the omega survives, I am too worried about Gabriel’s reaction to this man to become as fond of the omega as my inner alpha seems to have done so.

Even though I am trying very hard to not let my inner alpha’s attachment extend to me, I can’t help but feel that it is useless, that I have already lost this inner battle.

After all, as Gabriel loves endlessly teasing me, ‘You always fall for the sob stories. None of it is real, yet you cry at every chick flick.’

I have to admit that this could definitely be prime material for one of those sad and angsty ‘chick flicks’.

It is as though I am suddenly in one of those horrible movies, but I never asked for any part of it, leaving me no choice but to suffer through each awful event.

Dully, I wonder when I got so melodramatic and if my lack of sleep is causing me to over exaggerate everything.

Or have I always just been this insufferable, even to myself?

It is no wonder none of the kids at school want to be near me…

I would probably drive them all into a depressive episode with my troubled thoughts and life…

It is truly a wonder that even Gabriel can stomach the idea of being around me.

If he wasn’t legally my omega, he probably would be as far from me as he could possibly get, no longer wanting to be near such a failure of an alpha like me.

As soon as I think that and, sadly, know that it could easily become probable, I almost sink to my knees in despair, feeling such a terrible, aching loss at the thought of Gabriel wanting nothing to do with me anymore.

I wouldn’t blame him in the slightest bit, but life without him would be so desolate and lonely.

I would have absolutely no one.

No one to talk to.

No one to take care of.

No one to love me.

For not the first time, I desperately hope that Gabriel won’t ever leave me.

Even though I know that he legally can’t leave me unless he is claimed by someone else, the thought of him wanting to leave me makes me feel so anxious and useless, like I can’t even do anything right and keep everyone in my life from leaving.

Granted, I don’t want any of my other family members in my life, but I need Gabriel.

I love Gabriel more than anyone or anything in the world.

I would do anything for him.

I would do anything to keep him in my life.

And while that thought honestly terrifies me, there is no denying it.

I would love to blame those controlling, highly overprotective thoughts on my inner alpha, blame these feelings on our profound alpha and omega bond, but I know that would be a lie.

For once, my inner alpha and I are entirely in agreement.

We would do anything to keep Gabriel safe.

Anything.

Blessedly, I don't have much longer to dwell on my thoughts of how far I would go to protect Gabriel, noticing the rough outline of a small building in the distance.

‘Home sweet home’ as people like to call the place they live.

To me, our run down, shabby wood cabin is more… a means to an end.

Right now, it is all we can afford with the measly checks we get from state funding, and, even then, it isn’t enough to pay our electric bills for the third month in a row. 

No, this place we live is not ‘home’. 

Rather, it is just a roof over our heads and the place where we sleep so we don’t freeze to death during these winter months.

In fact, no matter how sad it is, school is more of a ‘home’ than our actual house.

At least our school has working appliances and many teachers are kind enough to let us heat up food in their classroom microwaves so we don’t have to live entirely out of cans.

Wait… I am almost at our house… where Gabriel lives…

Gabriel still has no idea that I am bringing a dying man into our house with the hope that he can help save him.

This is quite the predicament…

Realizing that I should have done this much sooner, I pull out my shabby Blackberry cellular device that certainly doesn’t compare to all the fancy smartphones at school, then dial Gabriel’s number, the only contact in my phone.

After two rings, I begin to think that he won’t answer, leaving me no choice but to storm inside and demand that he helps this man the moment he wakes up.

Thankfully, after one more ring, a tired and groggy voice asks, “Cassie? You good?”

“Not really,” I say immediately, knowing that I shouldn’t waste any time with pointless greetings while this omega is in critical condition. “How fast can you gather your medical supplies?”

Instantly, I hear the sound of Gabriel sitting up as he rustles with his bedsheets, sounding much more alert than moments ago as he hurriedly says, “Two minutes tops. Where are you and what’s wrong?”

As the dull clatter of moving equipment sounds in the background, I calmly say, “I am currently outside our house, moments away from coming inside. I was woken up by a scream and, after investigating the sound, I found a badly wounded man who needs your help.”

“Cassie,” Gabriel loudly groans, his annoyed and anxious tone telling me it is time for his you-can’t-bring-strangers-who-might-want-to-kill-us-into-our-house-speech. “It’s really great that you want to help this person, but I don’t think this is a good idea. I mean, what if he’s some psycho who wants to hurt us once he’s better.”

“That is highly improbable, especially with how wounded he is,” I say immediately, knowing that, for at least a week, this man is absolutely no threat to us. “Even if he wasn’t this hurt, I would never let him harm you. You know I will always protect you.”

In a much softer tone, Gabriel relents, “I know you will, Alpha, but I can’t help but be scared… Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“Yes, this man truly needs our help and I want to give it to him,” I say without hesitation, knowing that we can’t just let this man die in such a brutal way. “He doesn’t deserve to die like this.”

“Why do you say that?” Gabriel asks hesitantly, his voice holding deep weariness suddenly. “You don’t even know him, right?”

While worrying my bottom lip, I remain silent for a few moments, wondering if I should tell him the truth.

He will not react well to learning that this man is an omega, especially once he realizes the extent of his injuries, but wouldn’t it be better to give him a few moments of preparation beforehand?

I thought that I could keep it from him, but, once he sees the leash and collar, he will know that this man is an omega.

I have to tell him.

Hopefully doing so will soften the blow of all this.

“I don’t know him but…” I say confidently at first, but then trail off, trying to think of a more comforting way of saying this, not wanting to hurt him any worse than it will. 

Finally, deciding to just get it over with, I blurt out, “The man I found is an omega.”

When Gabriel releases a loud, strangled gasp, I curse myself for my bluntness, knowing that I hurt him despite trying not to.

By now, I have reached our house and, after a few moments of fumbling with the key while also trying to not drop my phone or the omega, I finally maneuver the key into the lock and push open the old, creaky front door.

Standing in the middle of our dark living room is Gabriel. In the dim light of my phone flashlight, I see that his shaggy chestnut brown hair is tousled from sleep, sticking up at odd angles from him, quite literally, rolling out of bed moments ago. While holding a navy blue duffle bag of medical supplies in one hand, he uses his other, slightly trembling hand, to tiredly run it down his face. Despite his young age of only sixteen, his forehead is creased with lines of worry and a deep weariness is evident in his pale cheeks. When he removes his hand from his face, he briefly meets my eyes. It takes considerable effort to hold back a wince as I look into his eyes, seeing flashes of worry, exhaustion, fear, love, and determination all at once, the mix of strong feelings all conveyed in his deep brown eyes almost makes me feel dizzy.

He doesn’t want to do this, is even scared to do this, but he is still determined to follow through simply because I asked him to.

Because he loves me.

While pushing away the surge of happiness and fondness that thought brings me, I ask as confidently as I can muster, “Do you think the bathroom is the best place to help him?”

“Yeah, sure,” Gabriel mutters instantly and, if I didn’t know him better, I would say that he sounds distracted, like he isn’t really paying attention to me.

Instead, I hear the tightness in his voice, the slight tremor and waver on those final syllables, the sound of it telling me that he is distressed, most likely on the brink of a panic attack.

While feeling even more guilty for just springing this on him in the middle of the night, I follow him to the bathroom, grimacing as his shaky hand has difficulty opening the bathroom door.

“Gabe, I deeply apologize for br-” I start quietly as he places his variety of medical supplies, loaned by our school, on the bathroom counter, but he interrupts me before I can dive very deep into saying sorry.

With a harsh, uncharacteristic glare that sends a shiver down my spine, Gabriel snaps in a low, shaky whisper, “Just shut up and come help me.”

While trying not to bristle at his sharp tone, I carefully lay the omega down on the floor, then move toward our small, off-white counter to help him, ignoring the indignant shouts of my inner alpha that no omega should talk to their alpha in such a rude manner. 

Maybe Gabriel shouldn’t talk to me so harshly, but there is no point in chastising him, especially since, 1. he will continue talking to me like this no matter what I say 2. he is clearly upset and even gently reminding him to speak kinder to me will make him frustrated and 3. I need his help to save the omega and definitely do not want to make him too angry to do so.

So, rather than commenting on his tone, I ask as helpful as I can, “What can I do?”

For a few seconds, Gabriel remains silent, seeming to think deeply about how I can be of any use to him while he continues setting up his equipment. 

Finally, in a calm and collected tone, his serious doctor-in-training-mask slipping into position, Gabriel says, “Take that bucket next to the tub and fill it with lukewarm water. I think there's some washcloths under the sink, so go ahead and put those in the water and start cleaning him.”

Immediately, I follow his directions without question, grabbing the ‘bucket’, which is just a gallon jug that we cut the top off of to carry various liquids. 

As I turn on the tub faucet the slightest bit and wait for it to heat up, I suddenly remember something that the omega told me, his words about being shot in the back seeming much more pressing than cleaning him up.

“Shouldn’t we tend to his more pressing wounds before cleaning him?” I ask hesitantly, not wanting to question Gabriel since I have next to no medical knowledge, but unable to ignore the nagging feeling from my inner alpha that we could be doing more important things.

Sounding a bit annoyed, Gabriel explains like he is talking to a petulant child, “Yeah, we should treat the more life-threatening wounds, but we don’t know what those are. He’s covered in a lot of blood and dirt, so it’s hard to see what’s actually a wound and what’s just runoff.”

“I know one of his wounds?” I tell Gabriel, but my voice is small and timid, making my statement sound more like a question. 

“Well, what is it?” Gabriel asks in that same annoyed tone, his words once again causing my inner alpha to bristle, but I just ignore him, knowing that it isn’t worth my time right now.

“He told me that he was shot in the back,” I say as calmly and delicately as I can, knowing that Gabriel is going to react strongly to this as well. 

“Fuck,” Gabriel mutters under his breath, his voice laced with panic, all his earlier irritation slipping away as he seems to realize how serious this situation is.

How close this omega is to dying.

“Okay, change of plans,” Gabriel demands as he stops fiddling with his supplies, his voice a mix of seriousness and concern. “Stop what you’re doing and go grab a sock or a scarf or something like that. I need to take out the bullet right away and, since we don’t have any more pain meds, it’s gonna hurt him like hell. Get him something to bite down on so he doesn’t wreck his mouth, then come back and lay him on his stomach.”

While nodding my head in understanding, I quickly exit the bathroom and enter Gabriel’s room, still holding my phone as a flashlight as I make my way to his dresser drawer that serves as his closet. 

After a few moments of searching, I find his emerald green scarf that he never actually wears, but insists on keeping, knowing that it’ll be cleaner than any of our filthy socks could ever hope to be.

Armed with the scarf, I fold it into a small rectangle, hoping that the omega remains unconscious since Gabriel will put him through even more than he is already experiencing. 

Please, give this omega a break that he so desperately needs. 

Moments later, I reenter the bathroom and slip my phone onto the counter beside his supplies, positioning it so it shines on the omega, our phones providing all the light in the bathroom.

At times like these, when it would be really nice to see fully in a well-lit room rather than working entirely on flashlights, I can’t help but wish we weren’t so poor.

But, obviously, wishing never does any good since we are still here, about to perform surgery while highly unequipped and scarcely able to see, so I push that thought from my mind and kneel down beside the omega.

As carefully as I can, I flip him onto his stomach, wincing at the steady growing pool of crimson spreading on our tile beneath where he is laying.

He has lost so much blood…

So much blood…

That is a lot of blood…

Focus, don’t think about the copious amount of blood he has lost...

The omega is on his stomach now, so I need to put the scarf in his mouth as Gabriel asked. 

I can do that.

Just ignore the blood, pretend like it isn’t there, and do as Gabriel requested. 

Slowly, I look at the omega’s face, looking at his mouth to decide if I need to make the scarf smaller, but something else catches my eyes.

Even though he is still unconscious, I can’t help but notice that the position he is laying in, with his cheek resting on the cold, dirty bathroom tile and his face twisted awkwardly to the side while his stomach and chest rest on the floor, looks very awkward and uncomfortable.

With only a moment’s hesitation, I shed my beloved beige trench coat that I wear everywhere, knowing that, at least at this moment, the jacket will provide him the most comfort.

While making sure to stay clear of the blood beneath his stomach, I fold my trench coat into a square pillow and carefully slip it beneath his left cheek, hoping this will provide him slightly more support and give him less pain when he awakens.

Now that the omega has a pillow of sorts, giving him the most comfort he can receive right now, my inner alpha purrs in contentment, ecstatic to help take care of ‘his’ omega instead of just watching him in pain. 

Slowly, I rise to my knees with the scarf still in hand, groaning slightly at the pain that already spread to them from my short moments of kneeling beside the omega.

“You okay there, old man?” Gabriel asks with a smirk, his unexpected question causing me to snort as I roll my eyes fondly.

At least he can still joke at a time like this.

Hopefully, that means he isn’t panicking too badly on the inside.

Deciding to play into his joke, I say with a soft, teasing smile, “Clearly you have never been taught to respect your elders.“

“Elders?! You’re barely even considered an adult, let alone my elder,” Gabriel asks incredulously with a hearty laugh, the sweet, melodic sound turning my smile into a full-blown grin, feeling very accomplished to garner such a lovely laugh from him.

My smile grows even wider when I hear a soft, barely-there huff of laughter escape the omega, the sweet taste of his joy making me want to hear him laugh without restraint.

Wait, that means the omega is awake now!

That is wonderful!

Wait…

Actually, that is awful...

He is awake and we are moments away from performing surgery on him.

My smile immediately slips away as I realize how difficult everything just became.

“Hello, Little Omega,” I whisper as reassuringly as I can, ignoring Gabriel’s eyes that immediately latch onto me once I speak. “I doubt you remember me, but my name is Castiel. I found you in the woods and brought you home so my brother and I can tend to your wounds.”

I pause there when the omega’s eyes slowly flutter open, his pained, emerald green eyes glassy and unfocused as he stares unseeingly at me. 

“I regret to inform you of this,” I continue when his eyes slip shut again, his inability to keep them open showing me how utterly spent he must be, “but we are just getting ready to remove the bullet from your back. I had hoped that you wouldn’t be awake for this, but it is too late for that. We have no pain medication or anything to make this better, so this will be highly painful, but it will be over soon.”

The omega whines softly, pitifully, the sound causing the claws around my chest to tighten once again, the broken sound making my inner alpha scream at me to fix this, but there is nothing I can do.

“I know, I am so very sorry, but we have to do this,” I say softly as I kneel down beside the omega once again, then, tentatively, I begin running a hand through his bloody and matted, dirty-blonde hair that falls down to the nape of his neck, hoping that the action will be soothing to him. 

Thankfully, he leans into my touch slightly, seeming to enjoy me playing with his hair, which gives me the strength to softly continue, “You have already lost a tremendous amount of blood so, to keep you from dying, my brother, Gabriel, is going to remove the bullet then stitch up your wounds. Meanwhile, I will have to put a scarf in your mouth so you don’t bite your tongue, then hold you down so you don’t move and ruin any of the stitches.”

I pause when the omega shivers violently, wondering if telling him what we are going to do is helping or just making him more terrified. 

Knowing that I would want to be well informed on whatever awful thing someone planned on doing to me so I could properly brace myself, I start up again as gently as I can, “I want you to know that we are not doing this to harm you. I doubt you will believe me, but I won’t gain any sort of satisfaction from pinning you down. I honestly don’t want to do that, but it is necessary to ensure that Gabriel is able to properly treat your wounds. Once the bullet is out and the site is stitched up, you may rest and start to recover. You only have to make it through five minutes of this. Can you do that for us?”

Slowly, the omega opens his eyes, looking dull and resigned to this awful fate, but there is also a hidden undercurrent of the desire to please us. 

He doesn’t want to do this, but he is such a good omega that he is willing to go through hell to make us happy.

How could someone do this to him?!

No doubt this omega was always well-behaved, yet I found him on the brink of death because someone brutally abused him. 

“Good boy,” I whisper with a sad smile, feeling content by the small, barely-visible smile that creeps onto his lips at my praise. “Now, will you open your mouth for me so I can put the scarf inside? I promise the scarf is clean, even though you probably aren’t too concerned about that.”

While rolling his eyes in amusement at my words, he slowly opens his mouth wide, fear clearly written all over his features, yet he listens to me without even the slightest moment of hesitation. 

Once the scarf is securely in his mouth, his face is morphed by full-blown terror and he begins weakly thrashing to get away from my hand still in his hair, releasing muffled screams and whines as he does so.

As Gabriel kneels beside me, phone flashlight, tweezers, wet washcloth, and the silk stitches in his gloved hands, Gabriel loudly demands over the omega’s protests, “Cassie, I know you don’t want to, but you need to pin him down. Sit on his upper back and hold his hands above his head so he can’t move while I do this.”

While fighting back tears of helplessness and frustration over this blasted situation, I slowly do as Gabriel asked.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper sadly to the omega as I sit on his upper back, using one of my hands to grab both his wrists and hold his arms above his head, greatly limiting his movement.

Now that he is pinned, his screaming immediately turns into loud, muffled sobs that make my heart clench.

Poor omega.

He doesn’t deserve this awful treatment.

With my free hand, I begin carding my fingers through his hair once again, hoping to bring him any comfort in this horrible situation.

With a heavy sigh, Gabriel calmly, yet sadly, says to the crying omega, “I’m going to clean the outside of the wound, remove the bullet, then stitch it up. As Cassie said, it will be painful, but I will be as fast as I possibly can.”

After a few more seconds of struggling, Gabriel’s words seeming to induce a new wave of panic from the poor man, the omega goes still beneath me, realizing how improbable escaping my hold is in his weakened state.

“I am so sorry, Little Omega,” I whisper brokenly as I continue running my fingers through his hair, feeling like an absolute monster for doing this.

I know we are doing this to help the omega, but having this wounded man pinned to the floor beneath me feels so deplorable and obscene.

I don’t want to be part of this absolute disaster, but here I am.

I asked Gabriel to help me with this omega, and there is no way I will leave him now, despite how badly I want to run far away and never look back.

Suddenly, Gabriel pulls me from my thoughts when he hesitantly asks in a soft tone, “Hey, Omega, are you still with us?”

The omega whines lowly, the scarf keeping him from verbalizing his response.

“I’m so sorry for what’s about to happen,” Gabriel whispers as he places a hand on the omega’s side, his voice filled with kindness and regret. “I have to flush your bullet wound, then remove the bullet. You’re so very strong for staying awake this long; I know you’ll get through this.”

The omega whines lowly and brokenly, seeming to protest in the only way he can, but his actions fall on deaf ears since we still have to go through with this.

“I know, I know, but I’ll be as quick as I can,” Gabriel promises as he gently squeezes the omega’s side, seeming like he is both trying to reassure the man and himself. “I still have to be thorough though; I’d hate for your wound to get infected because I didn’t treat it well enough.” 

Then, without waiting for a response, Gabriel begins to flush the bullet wound.

The moment Gabriel starts flushing the wound, I look away, unable to stomach the sight of the now-pink water steadily gushing from his wound, fit with particles that I don’t even want to think about, but I can imagine that they are a combination of dirt, blood, pieces of skin, and broken tissue that was once trapped in the area around the wound. 

For a few seconds, the omega is eerily silent, his lack of response to Gabriel’s work, which surely must be agonizing, makes me feel concerned that the omega has slipped unconscious again.

I lean forward to better see the omega, my heart twisting painfully when I notice the fat tears rapidly trailing down the omega’s cheeks, leaving tiny tracks within the dirt, blood, and grime plastered to his face.

A few seconds later, the omega’s body starts to tremble violently from large, muffled sobs, the sound of him so clearly in pain makes those claws around my heart squeeze even tighter, threatening to suffocate me as they nearly snap my heart in two. Meanwhile, my inner alpha’s restless pacing and pleas become even more frantic as he repeatedly chants: make it stop, fix my omega, make it stop, fix my omega, make it stop, make it stop, please, make it stop.

Finally, I am in agreement with my inner alpha, feeling desperate as well to stop this omega’s sobs and put an end to the excruciating pain he feels. 

I may not know this omega, but no one deserves to go through anything this traumatic. 

He should be transported to the hospital by an ambulance to make sure he makes it there swiftly without losing more blood. He should be granted a reprieve in the form of pain medication and anesthesia, followed by several, highly qualified surgeons thoroughly cleaning the wound site, precisely extracting the bullet, then stitching it back up with the finest and sturdiest stitches that will dissolve in time, leaving no trace of this fiasco.

That is the type of treatment reserved for alphas and betas, although omegas deserve it just as much, therefore, this poor man is out of luck.

Instead of being treated that way, he is laying on the bathroom floor, pinned down by an alpha who he has no hope of overpowering. On top of that, instead of being in a nice hospital, he is being operated on in a dingy bathroom under the light of two outdated cell phone flashlights. To make matters even worse, rather than several doctors who have been through a lifetime of schooling doing the surgery, this omega gets two teenagers, one only sixteen and barely beginning his training, the other eighteen, terrified of needles and sickened by the sight of blood.

It will honestly be quite the miracle if this man survives this situation that is so awful that, if it wasn’t real, would be laughable, nothing more than the plot of an underperforming comedy film.

Instead of smiling though, I think we are all dying.

While this omega quite literally dies before our eyes, no doubt Gabriel and I are dying on the inside about having to hurt and manhandle this already fragile and broken omega. 

“Shh, all will be well, Little Omega,” I whisper encouragingly as I release his wrists to instead hold his left hand, keeping my right hand firmly rooted in his hair as I continue gently running my fingers through his locks, hoping this will provide this poor omega a bit more comfort. “I know this hurts, but you are doing so well. Such a wonderful omega.”

The omega softly whines in response, the sound, accompanied by his continuous flood of tears, causes a few salty drops to slip from my own eyes.

This poor omega.

I feel an even stronger pang of guilt when I realize that, even though I am no longer holding his arms in place above his head, he hasn’t moved them at all, either too hurt to do so, or he is trying so hard to be a good omega and listen to what I told him.

This world doesn’t deserve someone so precious.

This omega is so clearly trying to be good, trying to push through and survive despite so many odds stacked against him, yet this cruel world just piles on the pain, threatening to drown this man in a sea of hardship and suffering.

Even though I keep my gaze fixated on the omega’s pale, dirty face, I am immediately notified of the moment Gabriel moves from cleaning the wound to instead using his tweezers to pry out the foreign object from his flesh. Seeming to be in absolute agony, the omega releases a loud, broken, yet still muffled wail, sounding so badly in pain, as if his entire world around him just shattered to pieces and he is trapped, surrounded by the pain of the shards left behind of what he once knew.  

This poor, hapless omega.

As I sit here, still on top of the omega as he weakly cries out in pain, seeming too hurt to even struggle and fight back anymore, I begin to realize how despicable and truly awful I am. 

I promised this omega that I wouldn’t hurt him like his alpha did, that I am nothing like the alpha with the piercing, sulfuric scent, but look at me right now. 

I am hurting him. 

Just like his alpha. 

Just like every other alpha. 

I like to think of myself as more progressive than most regarding omegas, but that doesn’t matter.

What matters more than my thoughts and words are my actions.

Currently, my actions are no different than those other alphas. 

This man is an omega and I, as an alpha, am causing him a considerable amount of pain.

Whether I want to or not, this already wounded and dying omega is hurting worse because of my doing.

I am a monster, no different than all those other alphas who spend each day taking advantage of helpless omegas.

I am no different than our father and brothers who took advantage of Gabriel, an omega who couldn’t fight back and protect himself.

Suddenly, a loud sob echoes throughout the room and I panic, wondering how the omega dislodged the scarf and worried that he will hurt his tongue now without it there.

“Cassie, you gotta keep it together,” Gabriel says in a quiet, strained voice, sounding like he is barely staying in control of himself.

With startling clarity, I realize that the loud, strangled sob I just heard came from me .

When did I start crying?

And, now that I have realized those horrendous sounds are coming from me, why can’t I stop the rapid downpour of tears and disgusting snot traveling down my face?

I open my mouth to apologize, but only another sob comes out, my throat much too tight to let any words escape.

“Cassie, please , I need you to stay calm right now,” Gabriel urges yet again, this time his voice taking on a slightly more panicked and frantic edge. “I know this fucking sucks, but I really need you to keep it together or else I’m going to start crying and panicking too, and doing a surgery this intricate with tears in my eyes would be the stupidest thing I’ve ever tried to do, so please don’t make me d-”

Realizing that Gabriel is rambling and becoming increasingly distressed, his long strings of words often equating to an impending panic attack, I take a deep, shaky breath before quietly choking out, “Take a deep breath, Gabe. It’s okay. I just needed a moment, but I am fine now. You are doing absolutely wonderful right now and I am so proud of you.”

“Oh, how you flatter me,” Gabriel whispers in a teasing tone but, thankfully, I feel the distress in his scent start to ease, the smell of burning bread morphing into something sweet, like those sugary lollipops he loves to snack on.

Despite his teasing tone, I see a large, genuine smile on his face, his brown eyes sparkling as his inner omega no doubt preens under my praise, reminding me that I should really compliment him more often.

He needs to know how amazing I think he is.

Once again, we fall into silence, the only sound being the omega’s heavy pants and whimpers alongside my slow, calculated breaths, as I try hard to remain calm and not disturb Gabriel anymore.

“I got it!” Gabriel suddenly exclaims in a loud, excited tone, the sound of his joy, despite not understanding what he is referring to, makes me smile slightly.

Instantly my smile vanishes when I hear a loud clunk , followed by a thud , the sounds paired together causing me to realize that he got the bullet out.

There is now a bullet on our bathroom floor.

A dirty, bloody, flesh-covered bullet is laying on our tile.

A bullet that came from that omega’s body .

He really had a bullet inside of him.

He has had a bullet inside of him this whole time.

As my stomach churns violently, threatening to resurface the sandwich I had for dinner, I forcibly push those thoughts from my mind and mutter drily, “Fantastic. Now I just have to refrain from expelling my dinner onto the bathroom tile as well.”

With a mirthless chuckle, Gabriel admonishes, “This is not the time for your weak stomach, Cassie. Once we’re done helping him, throw up all you want, maybe I’ll join you too. I need your focus still.”

While sighing heavily, desperately just wanting this to end, I ask in a small, defeated tone, “What more do you want me to do ? I am already straddling this poor omega.”

“I know,” Gabriel mutters as he sighs heavily as well, seeming as deeply affected by this situation as I am. “I need you to grab his arms again and hold him in place. He can’t move at all while I do the stitches or everything will be ruined and I gotta start again. Got it?”

I just nod my head and, with hands that I realize are now shaking slightly, I grab his wrists once again, firmly holding them in place above his head despite his nonexistent attempts to move from that position.

“Omega,” Gabriel softly calls out to the man, his voice causing the man to whimper softly in response. “Thanks for being so good and cooperative. It really helps me treat your wounds faster. We’re almost done now, I promise. I just have to make a couple of stitches, and then we’ll get some food and water into you so you can go to sleep afterward. Does that sound good?”

Surprisingly, the omega nods his head minutely and, when he slowly cracks open an eye, it is filled with barely concealed hope.

He must be so eager to finally finish this horrific ordeal. 

“Indeed, we appreciate how well you are doing, despite how challenging it must be to stay awake,” I softly whisper with as much assurance as I can manage, hoping that the shakiness I feel stays out of my voice, knowing that hearing my fear and uncertainty will not help the omega feel better.

Seeming to appreciate our words, the omega minutely leans into my soft strokes in his hair, his reaction making me feel elated that, even though all his pain, I can bring him some small comfort.

For a few seconds, everything is blissfully calm.

I hear the rapid bum bum, bum bum of the omega’s heartbeat beneath me, the sound, although much too fast, brings me minute comfort, telling me that he is still alive despite his plethora of injuries.

With acute awareness, I feel the tingling sensation of my fingers traveling across his scalp, occasionally scratching against his skin to further soothe him, the repeated action assisting me, and hopefully the omega too, in feeling calmer.

As quickly as the calm had first settled, the peaceful atmosphere shatters, the omega screams with all the strength he can, the sound of it loud and ear-piercing even behind the scarf in his mouth.

Knowing that Gabriel must have started the stitches, I press my weight a little more firmly against the omega, but it doesn’t help. As if the man isn’t horribly injured, he wiggles and thrashes, these movements, no matter how slight, could disrupt Gabriel’s work, causing me to realize that I will have to do something I desperately want to avoid.

I don’t want this.

I don’t want to do this to him.

Please, don’t make me do this.

“Cassie!” Gabriel exclaims in a sharp, irritated voice, telling me that the omega’s actions are certainly making it harder for him to stitch up the wound.

I have to do this.

It doesn’t matter if I hate even the thought of this.

I have to.

For this omega’s sake.

While breathing heavily, feeling my inner alpha start to surface, vying to take total control at this moment, I lean down, laying slightly on top of the omega’s upper back as I put my mouth close to his ear.

I am a filthy alpha.

I can’t believe I am about to do something this deplorable. 

Knowing that I have to regardless, after taking a deep breath to steel myself, I demand in my alpha voice, “Stop struggling, Omega.”

Instantly, like flicking a switch, the omega goes entirely limp beneath me. 

Despite his valiant struggles moments ago, all signs of fight leave him in a rush, like a balloon deflating as all the air, all his freewill, rushes out of him, his inner omega no doubt demanding: submit, listen to alpha, submit, submit, submit.

As if things weren’t bad enough already, the omega twists his face toward mine the slightest bit, bearing the soft, delicate part of his neck to me in submission. His body trembles violently from fear, showing me that, by no means does he want to submit in this manner, but his insights have forced him to.

I forced him to.

Not only am I restricting all forms of his movement, but I stole his free will, forcing him to obey me and stop his meager attempts to free himself from this predicament. 

“I am so sorry,” I mutter by the omega’s ear in a soft, shaking voice, wanting to show him that I hate this as much as he does, but I know it won’t matter.

In his eyes, I am just another alpha who pins him and takes whatever they want.

Just another person who uses their biology to take advantage of him.

I am the absolute worst.

The lowest of all the despicable people who roam the Earth.

How can Gabriel even stand to be around me?

I am an absolute monster.

“Cassie, I can scent your distress from over here,” Gabriel says with a heavy sigh, his voice tight from concentration. “Please, try to stop spiraling and focus on comforting the omega. Just two more stitches and then we’re done.”

Feeling embarrassed and ashamed that, not only did he catch me getting lost in my self-destructive thoughts, but also that I have been neglecting this poor omega, I turn my attention back to the man beneath me.

The poor omega is still crying.

It seems like he has been crying for hours.

Please, I just want the tears to stop.

Isn’t there anything I can do to calm him down and make him stop crying?

For a few moments, I wrack my brain for everything I have ever learned about alpha and omega biology, certain that there must be at least one tidbit that can help here.

Wait, pheromones! 

Sometimes when Gabriel has an extra scarring nightmare, I will hold him in my arms and focus on releasing calming pheromones to help soothe him.

I am uncertain if that only works because we are bonded, or if I can help this omega like that too.

Regardless, it may be worth a try.

Although, what if this crosses an invisible boundary between us?

After all, I still don’t even know his name.

Does trying to calm him down like this also equate to taking advantage of him?

Well, as many of the kids at school like to say, ‘fuck it’.

While closing my eyes, I take a deep breath, focusing on my breathing to help calm myself down.

In…

I am calm.

Out…

Like the ocean.

In…

Ebbing and flowing.

Out…

Showing everyone the beauty of the waves mingling with the sandy shore.

In…

Making everyone feel peaceful with the flowing waves.

Out…

Making this omega feel peaceful and drying his tears.

When I slowly open my eyes again, a small smile on my face as I feel notably less panicked over this entire situation, I realize that the effect is almost instant.

Slowly, the omega opens his eyes and, instead of harboring fear, as was a current theme with the other times I have seen his emerald eyes, they are now wide and vulnerable, seeming as though, even though I highly doubt it is true, he trusts me.

Hoping that I don’t ruin this moment, I give him a soft, encouraging smile, hoping that, even if his logical brain can’t believe that he is safe, the sense of calm I emit will allow his inner omega to feel at peace. 

The left corner of the omega’s mouth twitches up slightly, hardly noticeable in the dim lighting but, the sight of his smile, no matter how small, causes me to grin widely, feeling a surge of pride and joy from my inner alpha at making the omega shed his permanent frown.

After a few more seconds of locking gazes, the blue and green of our eyes colliding, like the perfect storm in a beautiful forest, his eyes slowly drift shut again, a blissful expression overcoming his features, smoothing out a few of the worry lines on his forehead.

“Thanks, Cassie,” Gabriel mutters with a tired smile, his voice lacking much of the tension it previously held, now sounding much more relaxed and carefree than I have heard it in eternity.

It would appear that my soothing pheromones affected both the omega and Gabriel. 

I hope this will not become a problem in carrying out the rest of his stitches.

“Alright, all done with the stitches,” Gabriel says with a relieved sigh after another minute passed in concentrated silence, his words filling me with immense gratitude that the hardest part is over now. “Now, I just gotta wrap up the wound all nicely to keep the stitches from moving. That’s all for tonight though! You’ve already been through so much, Sweet Omega, so I’ll wait till tomorrow to make a splint for your leg.”

Then, while addressing me, in a much more weary tone, Gabriel whispers, “Go ahead and take the scarf out now and get off of him. After that, can you start cleaning up the blood off the floor with the other washcloth?”

His words fill me with even more joy to start but, when he asks that question, the same queasiness returns to me, my stomach protesting the idea of not only looking at blood, but getting close enough to clean it up.

“Sorry, but if I look at that blood again, we will have to clean up vomit too,” I mutter sheepishly, hating that I can’t do something so simple to help Gabriel, but knowing that the consequences will be even worse if I don’t listen to my body.

“Shit, I forgot,” Gabriel immediately says, his voice sounding far away and distracted as he begins placing the gauze square he made on the wound’s surface, followed by wrapping tape that he applies to the omega’s back and on the backside of the gauze. “I can clean it up then, you just go ahead and take care of him.”

“Thanks,” I mutter, still feeling embarrassed, but thankful that he isn’t one to press on the many different phobias and fears I have.

Without wasting any more time, I slowly and carefully shimmy off the omega’s back, making sure not to press down on him any harder than I already have.

Now that I am no longer on top of the omega, I kneel beside his head, blanching violently as the warm liquid seeps into my jeans before hugging my knees and shins.

That’s blood, that has to be blood, I am sitting in blood, I am really sitting in blood and it is so warm and so gross and I think I will throw up I really could throw up right now because I am sitting in blood and I hate it and I feel sick and I think I am going to th-.

“Castiel!” Gabriel yells, his use of my full name enough to rip me from my panicked state of mind, knowing that he only ever calls me that when there is an emergency.

Immediately, I locate him through blurry vision and see that he is holding out our small, light brown waste bin to me.

Still feeling shaky and panicked, I quickly grab the bin from him and hastily stick my face inside it, not caring about the number of germs present as I begin heaving and retching violently. 

After a few moments of throwing up into the waste bin, I slowly lower it and set it behind me, angrily wiping my mouth with my right arm, hating that Gabriel and this omega just saw me lose it.

I am supposed to be an alpha!

What kind of alpha throws up at the sight of blood?!

I have to be the most pathetic alpha in the entire world.

I am such a failure.

“Hey, Earth to Cassie,” Gabriel calls out, but not unkindly, as he waves a tissue in front of my face to get my attention. “You okay now?”

“No, I am most certainly not,” I say bluntly and honestly as I grab for the tissue, first wiping the tears from my eyes then cleaning my mouth again. “Thank you though.”

“Anytime,” Gabriel says without hesitation with a smile but, even though I know I must be wrong, his smile seems forced and I detect a hint of… anger in his eyes?

What is that about?

Did I do something to make him upset with me?

Is he mad that he has such a failure of an alpha to take care of him?

Before I can spend any more time trying to decipher the flash of anger in his eyes, Gabriel continues in a clipped tone, “Why don’t you go to the kitchen and get him some soup while I clean up this mess?”

Wordlessly, I stand up and shakily exit the bathroom, hating that my hands are trembling so hard that I can barely do the simple task of turning the knob to open the door.

Slowly, I make my way through the dark toward the kitchen, breathing heavily as I try to keep the panic at bay, still feeling the warmth seeping deeper into my jeans at my knees and shins.

My stomach rumbles loudly in protest yet again, feeling like I may throw up despite already emptying myself of all the food I previously ate. 

When I reach the kitchen, I quickly splash water on my face from the sink, the sharp cold helping to ease some of the tumultuous thoughts rampaging my mind.

After rinsing out my mouth as well, feeling the slightest bit cleaner, although my still-bloody jeans make it hard to feel any calmer, I reach toward the cupboard where we keep our canned goods. 

I grab a small can of classic chicken noodle soup and, after a few moments of fumbling uselessly with the can opener, I give up.

“So useless,” I mutter angrily as I sink down to the floor, leaning my back against the bottom cupboards and burying my head in my still-shaking hands.

I wrap my hands in my hair, tugging hard at the strands in hopes to ground myself, to stave off the panic that is steadily consuming me like a rapid and destructive wildfire.

I can’t do this.

I am just too weak.

Just too stupid.

Just too pathetic.

How can anyone stand to be around me?!

Why in the world would anyone even want to be near me?!

I can’t do anything right!

I tug even harder at my hair, the pain bringing tears to my eyes, but I don’t care, needing something to distract me from my thoughts of the dying omega, his own blood still marring my jeans. 

This omega is going to die and there is nothing I can do about it. 

Nothing…

I am just too useless…

I can’t even do a simple task, like open a can, for my omega!

Well, maybe I can do something to help him...

I could help this omega live another day by getting him food.

Even if it is hard, I have to do this.

This omega needs me.

Gabriel needs me.

Slowly, I unclench the fingers in my hair and unsteadily rise to my feet, feeling a little calmer now that I have a clear goal in mind.

Get this omega some nutrients so he can survive another day.

Although my hands are still shaking, I manage to open up the can of soup and pour it into a small, lime green bowl, thankful that the chicken noodle soup is already pre-cooked since our microwave won’t work without electricity.

Hopefully, the omega will be happy to eat, regardless of how cold the soup is. 

While breathing deeply, trying to still the trembling in my fingers as to not spill the soup onto our floor, I begin walking back to the bathroom.

“Finally,” Gabriel mutters in an annoyed tone as I step back into the bathroom, his tone causing my shoulders to hunch involuntarily, feeling like even more of a failure at his clipped word.

“Here,” I mutter embarrassedly as I extend the soup out to Gabriel, noticing that, rather than laying on the floor, the omega is now leaning against Gabriel for support, his side pressed into Gabriel’s chest.

As I watch Gabriel carefully spoon the soup into the omega’s mouth, causing the omega’s eyes to flutter shut and a content sigh to slip from his lips, I feel a strange pang of… jealousy?

What do I have to be jealous of?

Gabriel is an omega, no wonder why this man trusts him to feed him instead of me. 

Why does my inner alpha feel so devastated to see this omega being taken care of by someone else?

I don’t even know his name, yet I want to coddle and feed this omega? 

How illogical!

“Can I assist you in any way?” I ask hesitantly as I stand awkwardly in the doorway, feeling more agitated by the second as I watch the two omegas getting along so well, a twisted part of me wishing I could be in Gabriel’s place and him being the one brooding by the door.

“Why don’t you get out of here and work on getting my bedroom ready for him?” Gabriel asks and, while normally I would be more than happy for an escape from an unpleasant situation such as this one, I can’t help but flinch at his sharp, frustrated tone.

It seems as though he wants me to leave and, despite forming his words as a question, he hopes that I will leave.

But why ?

Did I do something wrong?

Is he upset with me because I couldn’t stop panicking while he was trying to do the stitches?

I hope not…

After all, it isn’t like I wanted to vomit while he was trying to do something important.

It isn’t like I want to be on the brink of a panic attack, even now when the omega seems to be in better shape.

I don’t understand!

“Did I do something wrong?” I ask quietly and hesitantly, my voice shaky, as if I am a small child talking to a furious parent.

How pathetic.

“Yes, you did so many fucking things wrong!” Gabriel shouts, his voice echoing in the small bathroom as the volume behind his outburst causes me to flinch again and take a step back, illogically afraid of him now. “Why the hell would you jus-”

Suddenly, Gabriel stops yelling mid-sentence as the omega makes a low, fearful whine, no doubt hearing the yelling, but not understanding why it is happening.

I feel the same way.

I hear Gabriel yelling, feel his anger directed at me , but I can’t decipher why.

Am I really that dense?

Obviously, I have done something horrible to upset him, but I am too blind to see it, forcing Gabriel to spell it out, no doubt adding to his anger.

Before I can find the courage to respond, through gritted teeth, Gabriel grounds out, “Just get my bedroom ready for him. Then we can talk afterward.”

While trying hard to fight the heat rushing to my eyes, I wordlessly nod my head and dejectedly walk out of the bathroom, not understanding what I did wrong, but wishing I could fix it.

I hate it when Gabriel is mad at me.

I should be used to it by now, after all, he gets angry with me all the time because I am just so stupid and pathetic for an alpha, but I still wish it wouldn’t happen.

I just want him to love me.

Is that too much to ask for?

Why does he have to get mad at me nearly every day?

Can’t he see that I am trying ?

I try so hard to be good for him, but all he ever does is get mad and yell at me.

With a bitter smile, I walk into his bedroom and dwell on the twisted irony of our situation.

I am an alpha, supposedly the strongest of any of the designations.

I am an alpha who, even though I hate to admit it, is terrified of his omega.

Omegas are the ones who should try their best to please their alpha, who cower and shy away from their yelling, afraid of being hurt by them.

If I am an alpha, why is that me?

Why do I try so hard to make Gabriel happy, but he only ever hates me?

Why is the sound of him yelling the worst sound in the entire world to me?

Why does his raised voice make me want to run, irrationally terrified of him hurting me.

He doesn’t hurt me…

Most of the time…

Sometimes when he becomes furious, he takes it out on me and pushes me around a bit.

But that doesn’t really hurt me, right?

He wouldn’t actually hurt me, right?

I… I hope not…

Even if he did hurt me though, I know it would be my fault. 

I am his alpha, which means I should be able to take care of him.

If he hurts me, that shows a discrepancy in my caretaking.

It shows that it is my fault.

After all, if I am the one to have caused his anger, an emotion that omegas aren’t even supposed to have, it only makes sense for him to take it out on his failure of an alpha.

I am such a failure of an alpha.

Angrily, I wipe away the tears that have started to rapidly slip down my cheeks, so sick of crying.

So sick of being so weak.

So sick of being such an omega, even though I am an alpha, as my inner alpha often enjoys taunting me with. 

Knowing that I need to hurry this along so I can make amends with Gabriel, I quickly strip the bed and put on our other set of clean, baby blue sheets, my inner alpha unhelpfully reminding me that this type of housework is reserved for omegas and I should storm into the bathroom to force Gabriel to do this.

“Please, not now,” I say in a choked, barely-there whisper to my inner alpha, my throat tight and my cheeks burning at the thought of talking to myself, but I just can’t take hearing his voice right now.

I can’t take much more of anything right now.

Once I finish changing the sheets, I slowly sit on the comforter, burying my head in my hands and roughly gripping my hair again as I wait for Gabriel to finish with the omega and put him to bed so we can talk.

I just want to know what made him so mad.

I just want to make it up to him.

I hope he isn’t too mad at me.

I hope he doesn’t try to hurt me.

If he does, I don’t know if I can fight back. 

Normally, I ask him not to touch me roughly and, if he still does, sometimes I have to involve my alpha voice to put an end to his violence.

It has only happened twice where he continued hurting me even after I asked him to stop, leaving me no choice but to mind control him against his will with my alpha voice. 

Both those times it happened though were some of the scariest moments of my life.

I hated knowing that my words were not enough to keep him from hurting me, that I had to force him to not cause me pain.

Tonight though, I have already used my alpha voice once, already forced one unwilling omega to submit to me, to feel inferior against me.

I don’t know if I can do it again.

It may break me if I have to strip another person’s freewill tonight, even in self-defense. 

Please, I just want to talk to Gabriel, to apologize to him, without things turning physical.

After the hell we just went through, is that too much to ask for?

Is it wrong to not want to be hurt, even when I have messed up badly?

Unable to stomach the scent of Gabriel's bedroom, his sweet candy-like scent when I know he is furious with me and barely keeping it in check, I flee from his bedroom, a loud, ugly sob tearing from my throat as I rush to my own room. 

Once I am inside, I quickly close the door behind me, swiftly locking it due to the irrational fear of Gabriel storming into my room at any moment to come to beat me. 

Now that I am alone, I slump back against the door, unable to find the strength to even make it to my bed.

Why did I have to even find that omega? 

Saved him, my inner alpha murmurs, very unhelpfully, successfully halting the string of depressing questions I was prepared to ask myself.

“I did,” I whisper sadly as I wipe away more tears, thankful I helped save omega’s life, but still terrified of the consequences of my actions. “At what cost though?”

To this, my inner alpha remains silent for once, descending the room into an atmosphere of melancholy, the only sound being my sobs and sniffles as I try my best to stop the flow of tears, but it is useless.

I just can’t stop crying, no matter how hard I try.

I just want this to be over.

I just want to make up with Gabriel and then get a minuscule amount of sleep before I have school in the morning.

With another heavy sigh, I bring my legs to my chest and hug my knees tightly, feeling like a small child, but drawing some small, twisted comfort from this fetal position.

“Please, let everything be okay,” I whisper as I close my eyes tightly against the stream of tears, not talking to anyone in particular, but hoping there is still someone around to hear it.

Even though hoping and wishing has never helped me in the past, maybe this time will be different.

Is it possible to want something so bad that it can be willed into existence?

It will all be fine…

Everything will be fine…

It will all be fine…

Everything will be fine…

Those thoughts are the last on my mind as I fall into a light, fitful slumber, desperately hoping that all will be fine despite the implausibility of it.

Chapter Text

Gabriel’s pov

“Did you get enough to eat, Omega?” I quietly ask with a soft, tired smile after helping the omega eat about half the bowl of chicken noodle soup that Castiel got for him. 

Castiel…

Oh, Castiel…

Dammit, Castiel…

Okay, wait, I need to stop!

Don’t think about him!

Not right now when a spike of anger in my scent could easily scare this omega and erase what little progress we’re making right now.

I already feel absolutely terrible for yelling earlier and scaring the omega, for making him whine in terror and weakly try to escape my grasp.

I really don’t want a repeat of that…

So, instead of thinking about Castiel and letting my anger build, I turn my attention back to the omega, feeling grateful when he minutely nods his head in reply to my question.

I’m glad he’s gotten enough to eat.

Not only will him having a full stomach help him heal faster, but it also means I don’t have to sit here much longer.

Once he’s all taken care of, all I gotta do is clean the blood off the floor and gather up my supplies, both of which I was hoping Castiel would help me with, but I guess not. 

I guess he has more important things to do than help me clean up this shit that he started.

Okay, I can’t think about that right now, can’t let this omega know how furious I am with Castiel, or else he might think that I’m mad at him, something he doesn’t need while already so hurt and out of sorts.

Focus on the omega.

“You’re such a good omega,” I praise the omega as I set the bowl with the remainder of the soup on the floor beside us. “You’re all done for tonight, so let’s get you to bed, my brave omega.”

Not-so-subtly, the omega leans closer to me, placing his head in the crook of my neck and taking a big sniff.

For a few moments, I freeze in alarm, not expecting this omega to scent me, especially when he seems so hurt that I didn’t think he could even move on his own anymore.

This is weird!

I don’t like this!

Not even Castiel scents me, let alone a complete stranger!

Okay, calm down...

He’s doing this because he’s hurt and scared...

He needs me...

I... should just suck it up and let him do this.

With considerable effort and tremendous willpower, I start to relax and, even though every instinct tells me not to, I bare my throat to this omega, giving him greater access to my scent gland.

“Y-Y-You o-om-meg’ t-to-o-o,” the man chokes out in a hoarse, scratchy whisper, seeing to have trouble forcing the words out, but his voice fills me with hope knowing that, if he is still coherent enough to talk to me, his odds of recovering are much higher. 

“Yeah, I’m an omega too,” I whisper with a soft smile as the man continues scenting me, feeling him steadily relax against me, no longer strung tight like a coil about to snap. “I promise you that you’re safe here. I know we just put you through fucking hell, but it won’t be like that anymore. I want you to rest and recover and, in the meantime, I’ll take care of you. Can you do that for me?”

For a few moments the omega doesn’t respond, just continues scenting me to help calm himself and, even though it’s so fucking uncomfortable to have a stranger breathing down my neck, I let him, knowing that he is a hurting omega and my presence is bringing him comfort that shouldn’t be denied to him.

Finally, the omega slumps fully against my chest, all the tension leaving him as he lets me take control. In addition to relaxing against me, he bares his neck for me to smell in return, but I can’t bring myself to do so, the smell of pained, distressed omega lingering on his skin is already too much for me, so smelling it even closer would be nothing short of agony.

Instead, I gently drag the back of my hand against the exposed part of his throat, showing that I accept his submission and mean him no harm.

When I touch his throat, I expect him to flinch or whimper, scared that I will choke him, but he doesn’t do either of those things. Instead, he leans into my touch, showing me his throat even more as I gently rub my knuckles against the soft, fragile skin on his neck.

With a large smile, I move my hand away from his neck, feeling a surge of happiness and pride at getting this otherwise terrified omega to trust me enough to touch and hold him like this.

Even if he isn’t fully in his right mind and still terribly in pain, he willingly scented me and gave me the opportunity to do the same.

He drew enough comfort from my scent that he willingly allowed me to touch his delicate, collared throat.

Wow…

I don’t even know what to think about that…

I’ve never had someone trust me so quickly and wholeheartedly.

I doubt that he’ll still trust me this much when his entire life doesn’t depend on me anymore, but maybe some of the safety he feels right now will carry over.

Maybe when he’s well again, my omega scent will still help him feel more comfortable.

Damn, he feels comfortable around me right now…

I really don’t wanna fuck this up…

“Hey, let’s get you to bed now, Omega,” I say with another tired smile, wishing I could go to bed now as well, but I still have so much shit I have to take care of, all by myself too.

Without any form of protest from the omega, I carefully grab him by the armpits and slowly rise to my feet.

Now that we’re standing, I gently grab his right arm and start to drape it over his shoulder, but I don’t get very far.

“S-STOP,” the omega wails in a loud, pained voice as I start to move his arm, telling me that he must be hurt there too.

“Fuck, okay, okay, I’m so sorry,” I say in a slightly raised voice, but I make sure to not let any anger or much of my panic seep into my tone, not wanting him to feel afraid again.

“Is your other arm fine?” I ask hesitantly, hating that I have to ask him instead of just thoroughly examining him, but it’s too damn dark and he’s absolutely caked in filth, making it impossible to tell the difference between dirt and blood, between new and old, badly healed wounds.

“Y-Ye’. Pl-please, no-o m-m-more,” the omega whispers brokenly as fresh tears trail down his cheeks, accompanied by pained sniffles and quiet sobs.

Fuck!

I fucking hate this!

Just when I thought he would be fine, that he would get to rest, I fuck up and hurt now, and now he’s fucking terrified of me again.

“No more, Sweet Omega,” I promise as I carefully release his right arm and instead shift him to my other side, then wrap his left arm around my shoulders to better support him. “I promise you that I didn’t know your arm was hurt, or else I wouldn’t have touched it. Now that I know, I’ll help you lay down then quickly treat it if it’s an open wound. After that, it’s time to sleep.”

The omega doesn’t respond, just continues sobbing softly as we slowly walk forward.

Well, saying that we walk forward is a lie.

No, I slowly move forward inch by inch, steadily being crushed by a man who is much taller than me, but way too light for his frame.

I shouldn't even be able to lift this man, let alone walk forward with him, but here we are.

We definitely gotta get some more food into him, and fast.

He’s, quite literally, skin and bones.

Whatever bastard had this omega fed him once a day at the very most, making this man weigh about 90 pounds when he should at least be 50 pounds more than that.

After several minutes of struggling, we finally make it out into the hallway.

Just when I thought this shitty situation couldn’t get any worse, I notice Castiel standing just outside my bedroom door, looking for all the world small, lost, and confused about what he should do.

“Don’t just stand there,” I demand in a tight, exhausted tone, knowing that he can carry this man so much easier than me with his stupid alpha strength. “I’m fucking dying trying to carry him.”

Surprisingly, Castiel jumps, seeming startled at being asked to do something after I sent him away.

Which, if I’m being honest, I do feel guilty about, but I just couldn't stand looking at his sad, confused eyes anymore after the shit he did tonight.

“O-Okay,” Castiel murmurs as he slowly walks toward me, his voice sounding shaky and tight almost as if… he’s been crying.

That can’t be true though!

Everyone knows alphas don’t cry.

Crying is just reserved for weak, pathetic omegas like me.

Castiel has no reason to cry.

It’s so fucking unfair!

I’m standing here, barely holding it together, not wanting to seem like a whiny omega, but Castiel is completely unfazed, his alpha biology making him a thousand times better at handling and expressing his emotions.

For not the first time, I feel pissed that he ended up being the alpha instead of me.

He’s too fucking soft to be an alpha!

He has so much power, all the power in the whole damn world is given to alphas, but he doesn’t take advantage of it at all.

Hell, he lets people walk all over him, when there are laws that allow alphas to literally step on omegas and get away with it.

He lets the kids at school call him awful things, even the omegas, and he doesn’t do a damn thing about it!

What’s the point in having all that power when he doesn’t even use it?

I’d have everyone at the school around my fingertips, all the boys and girls alike hanging on my every word, all of them vying for my attention, wishing that they could be knotted by someone as awesome and powerful as an alpha like me.

Instead, I walk the halls with my head down, trying to simultaneously avoid people’s attention and overcome the desire to punch everyone who bad-mouths Castiel.

I wish that, since he’s too scared to stand up for himself, I could stand up for the both of us.

But I can’t since I’m just a dumb omega who wishes he could be an alpha.

“Gabe?” Castiel asks hesitantly, his voice still weak and scratchy, the sound of my name ripping me from my thoughts. “You can let go now, I will take him to your bedroom.”

Suddenly, I realize that Castiel is trying to help bring the omega into my room, trying to help me, but I’m just standing here, still gripping tightly to the omega as I space out like a fucking weirdo.

“Oh, uh, thanks,” I mutter, ever so eloquently, as I release my hold on the omega, instead carefully wrapping the omega’s left arm around Castiel’s shoulders. 

For a few seconds, I watch the two walk toward my bedroom, still slow, but much quicker than my pitiful, snail’s pace.

As they stand side by side, with a slight smile, I realize that, despite being an omega, this man is tall.

Even taller than Castiel.

I bet that annoys Castiel knowing that, even though he is an alpha, the most biologically superior of anyone else, this omega has an advantage over him.

Well, actually, now that I think about it, Castiel probably doesn’t give a shit about this omega’s height.

After all, there are so many assholes at school who have been mean to Castiel and, even though he towered over them, he never tried to hurt them.

Castiel’s weird like that, not caring about the things, like showing an omega their rightful place in the world, that all other, normal alphas have a strong appreciation for.

He just lets the whole damn world walk over him, not caring if any omega is taller than him, even if that certainly isn’t how it should be.

At least I understand the way the world works.

Castiel is too damn dense to realize it, but I know that there are certain standards expected of every omega.

And one of those universal standards is that the house is clean.

Usually, he helps me clean the house, but I guess not tonight.

Not only does he dump this dying omega on me, but he’s also leaving me to clean up the fucking mess all by myself.

Whatever though!

It’s not like I care!

I’ll just clean our shitty bathroom by myself, patch up whatever wound this omega has on his right arm, then give Castiel a fucking piece of my mind!

I’ll show him how shitty it is to clean up the mess someone else leaves behind!

With a clear plan in mind, I quickly return to the bathroom and use one of the washcloths he wet in our jug to start scrubbing the blood. 

About ten minutes later, the bathroom is as close to sparkling as it will ever get, all traces of blood and medical supplies cleaned or put away, leaving no evidence of what happened in here over the last hour.

Even though there’s no physical evidence of what happened here, I still remember.

The way Castiel called my phone in the middle of the night, waking me up to tell me that he found a fucking stranger in the woods who was dying.

The selfish expectation that I would just drop everything at his word and stick out my neck to save this stranger.

The way he so bluntly told me that the dying man is an omega, uncaring of the way his words would affect me.

Uncaring of the fact that, once I heard the words “dying” and “omega” in the same sentence, I almost dropped to my knees right then and there.

I almost had a panic attack in the fucking living room from all the memories I was overcome by.

Memories that I’ve tried so damn hard to bury deep down.

Memories of people who I once loved, who I once felt safe with, as they grabbed me and pinned me down, using and abusing my body as if it was theirs, as if they had more of a right to my body than I did.

Castiel just brought a young omega home who was dying and didn’t give a damn about how seeing him broken and terrified, lying in a steadily growing pool of blood, would remind me of myself.

This fucking omega, moments away from death when I treated him, reminds me of me .

That’s so fucked up! 

But Castiel doesn’t even give a damn!

Just like every other scummy alpha on this planet, he saw an opportunity and took it, uncaring of who is hurt along the way.

I fucking hate him!

I wish he would just fucking leave me alone, that his stupid desires wouldn’t fuck up my life!

But no, he can’t leave me alone, because he fucking legally owns me like I’m some fucking dog that you can slap some collar on and expect it to obey.

That’s exactly what he did.

Not only do I have to ask for his permission in fucking everything I do but, wherever I go, even to fucking school, I have to wear a shitty fucking dog collar!

I have to wear a collar like a fucking animal, like I’m some goddamn pet !

But I’m not !

I’m a person !

Why can’t anyone see that, even though I’m a stupid omega, I’m still a person ?!

I just want to be a person again!

I’m so fucking sick of being treated less than a person.

I’m so fucking sick of being treated like a pet!

I’m so fucking sick of Castiel treating me like a fucking pet!

“FUCK!” I scream at the top of my lungs as I punch the bathroom door, the force of my punch ratting the door frame, but I want to do more .

If I was an alpha, my punch would have busted a hole through the door.

Instead, since I’m a stupid fucking omega, I was lucky enough to even shake the door a bit, couldn’t even put a dent in the cheap wood.

Feeling even angrier at my weakness, I continue rapidly punching the door, needing something to take out my hatred and frustration on, but it doesn’t provide me much relief. Instead, it only serves to rile me up more because, even though I’ve punched it for what feels like a thousand times, there’s still no dent, not even a scratch on the door, the only sign of my struggle being the splatters of crimson mixing with the oak wood door and the growing throb in my knuckles.

Even though I know I’m just hurting myself, I don’t fucking care, I just want to break something!

I don’t care what it is but I just need something , some way to leave my mark on the world, to show everyone that I have some kind of influence over other things and that I matter .

Dully, I hear the sound of someone shouting and calling my name outside the door, but I tune out the voice and begin punching the door even harder, desperate to break down the fucking door even if it ruins my hands, needing something to show me that I’m not a weak, pathetic omega like everyone else thinks I am.

As I continue pounding on the door, the only sound being the steady thuds and the blood rushing in my ears from my frantic heartbeat, suddenly something changes.

I continue punching, but the door feels... less hard, almost... squishier than it was moments ago. 

Huh, that’s weird…

Oh wait, maybe that means I’m finally breaking the door!

With renewed strength, I punch the door even more furiously and forcefully, feeling satisfied when I hear a snap echo loudly throughout the room, the sickening sound telling me that I’ve finally broken the door.

I open my eyes to look at the damage I’ve done to the door, but everything is blurry, the… sweat? tears? clouding my vision makes it hard to see the progress I have made, but I see on the floor the rough outline of… the door?

But wait, why would the door be on the floor?

I don’t think I tore down the whole door…

Did I?

No, I couldn’t have...

It would’ve made a loud noise…

I should’ve heard that…

Why the hell is there something on the floor?

And why am I on the floor too, still punching something that doesn’t feel hard and dense like wood?!

Instead, it feels soft, like… flesh? 

Oh my fucking God, what am I punching?!

Hearing my heart beating even faster now, I use my hands to wipe my eyes, but all that does is tint the world in red, blood from my cracked and broken knuckles now marring my face.

With a sick, twisted feeling settling in my gut, I quickly jump to my feet, suddenly feeling dizzy and nauseous as I rush to the sink.

While breathing shallowly and rapidly, I fumble with the faucet with trembling hands.

When I finally get a strong enough grip to twist the handle, I quickly splash the frigid tap water on my face, thankful that it clears the blurriness and red tint to my vision, allowing me to see what kind of damage I’ve done.

While biting my tongue against the growing queasiness I feel, I turn back to the door and, to my utter horror, I see a still, unmoving figure laying on his back in the doorway.

“Cassie?!” I exclaim in alarm as I rush toward him, terrified that his lack of movement means I knocked him unconscious or, even worse, he’s fucking dead.

“Oh my fucking God, C-Cassie!” I wail as I sink to my knees beside him, absolutely terrified when I see the blood on his face.

Both his eyes are shut, the left one swollen and already turning an ugly shade of black and purple, making it seem like it is impossible to open it right now. His nose is freely gushing blood, twisted awkwardly to the left side, looking certainly broken. His cheeks are flushed a bright red, the skin seeming raw and tender.

Before I can spend any more time examining his face, Castiel weakly raises both his arms to shield his face. While feeling even sicker, I realize that his forearms are a mess of reds and deep purple, splotches of blood covering them. His left arm has a large, especially nasty bruise the size of my entire fist, blood beginning to bloom underneath the surface from being hit so many times there.

With ever-growing horror, I realize that I must have caught him off guard and landed a few hard punches on his face, then he used his arms to block the rest.

His face is bloody, even his is eye swollen shut and nose is broken, because of me !

I punched him and then I punched him again and again and again and I don’t even know how many times I punched him, I just know that he’s on the fucking floor, bleeding from too many places, because of me .

He hasn’t even said a word either!

Why isn’t he talking?!

Oh my God, did I punch his jaw too?!

Did I knock out some of his teeth?!

Did I hurt him there too?!

What if I hurt him so bad he can’t talk anymore?!

Oh my fucking god, I hurt Cassie, the only person on this fucking planet to ever be nice to me, and now he might not be okay, he might be dying because he’s so fucking quiet and why is he so quiet why isn’t he talking to me is he dead is he so quiet because he’s dead oh god he better not be dead if he dies I’m fucking screwed I’m so fucking screwed I’ll be sold to another alpha or brought back to my family and I don’t want that I just want Cassie but I think he might be fucking dead and that I fucking kill-

“G-Gabe, breathe!” Castiel croaks loudly, his pained, though still stern voice, rips me from my panicked thoughts.

Wait, Cassie just talked!

That means he’s not dead!

He’s alive!

Now that I know he’s alive, that I didn’t kill Cassie, some of the tightness in my chest eases, allowing me to gulp in a large gasp of air that I begin immediately coughing out. 

As I continue slowly trying to catch my breath, I feel a heavy throbbing behind my temple and realize that everything is blurry, suddenly making me realize that, if Castiel hadn’t interrupted my thoughts, I would have passed out from lack of oxygen.

How could I get so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t realize I wasn’t fucking breathing?!

“That’s it, just keep breathing like that,” Castiel says quietly as I feel a soft hand land on my knee, his touch, reminding me that he’s alive and I didn’t fucking kill him, brings me immense comfort, making it easier to continue breathing through the last of my panic. 

It takes a few more moments, but I finally get my breathing under control, allowing me to sit up from my hunched position and open my eyes.

The second I open my eyes though, I want to squeeze them shut and never open them again, run far, far away so I don't have to look at Cassie’s bloody and broken face for another moment longer.

“Help me sit up?” Castiel asks quietly as he keeps his eyes firmly shut, his voice weak, but he’s still able to form full sentences, which I know is a good sign.

He probably doesn’t have a concussion, only a minor one if any.

That’s good.

Small victories.

Focus on the good.

Afterall, he couldn’t be fucking dead, but he’s not.

Instead, he has little to no concussion, which is really good, especially because his eye looks so swollen and his nose is still gushing blood and his cheeks are still inflamed and he still hasn’t opened his eyes so maybe he can’t open either but at least he doesn’t have a concussion that’s really good it almost makes up for the fact that he’s hurt and that he could have fucking die-

“Gabe!” Castiel shouts, his voice much louder than I’ve ever heard before, the sound instantly making me afraid.

Wow, now I’m really afraid, afraid that he’s mad at me and that he’s going to hurt me and that he’s going to punch me and he’s going to punish me because I hurt him and that’s the biggest rule that if omega’s hurt their alpha they can be taken by the state and relocated or they can be killed by their alpha upon proof of injury and oh my god Castiel could kill me because I hurt him and I don’t want to die and I didn’t mean to hurt him but I fucking did and now I’m going to pay because I’m a fucking idiot and a dumb omega fuckup who can’t do fucking anything right and I don’t want t-

“Gabe, pl-please, come back to me,” Castiel whispers, and the worry in his voice is enough to yank me from my panicked thoughts, knowing that this tone is so different from the angered shout I heard moments ago. 

Once again, I realize that I’m breathing heavily, that I can’t seem to get enough oxygen into my lungs no matter how hard I try and I am trying I’m trying to be a good omega but it’s so fucking hard when I know that I hurt my alpha and I could have killed him and I could have fucking kill-

Suddenly, the hand on my knee moves, instead grabbing my arm and yanking me, and the feeling of moving is enough to rip me from my thoughts and roughly slam me back into the present situation.

Castiel is moving me somewhere…

Where am I going?!

Why does it feel like I’m falling?!

Before I can spend any more time panicking, my front hits something hard and boney, the feeling of my chest slamming into something solid steals my breath away, terrified that I’m on the floor now and Castiel is going to kick me because I hurt him and I don’t want to be kicked or hurt at all but I fucked up and now it’s time to take my punishment like a good omega even though I don’t want to be hurt by Castiel but I deserv-

“Breathe in,” a strong, powerful voice says, the sound instantly ripping through the panic surrounding me and demanding to submit, submit, submit .

Without a moment's hesitation, I breathe in deeply and am immediately met by the smell of honey and rainforests, the smell instantly telling me safe, safe, safe . 

After a few moments, I push my nose closer to the crook of Castiel’s neck, discovering that his scent gland is where that sweet, perfect smell is coming from. 

“There you go, Gabe, such a good omega,” Castiel says as an arm snakes around my back, holding me close to his chest as I continue breathing in his soothing scent. 

“I-I’m not,” I whisper sadly and shakily, wishing I could believe his words, but it’s impossible when I feel the top of my head become damp from what I can only assume is blood from his nose, blood from when I punched him. “I’m bad… I-I s-should be… p-p-punished.”

“I will never punish you,” Castiel says adamantly without a moment’s hesitation, but all I can hear is the raspiness and barely concealed pain in his voice from when I hurt him.

He won’t punish me?

But I deserve it!

Wait, if he won’t punish me, does that mean… Oh fuck, does that mean he’s going to have someone else punish me?!

I’ve always thought he was too soft to hurt me, but maybe he wants someone else to do it…

I’ve heard of those omega correctional centers for the especially bad omegas.

They come out well-trained, the epitome of what society wants an omega to be...

A broken, lifeless doll who will take any knot without complaint.

Is that what Castiel wants?

Does he want to send me away so I come back an entirely different person?

Does he want me to be a good little omega who will do whatever he says without question or complaint, let alone without hurting him?

Unable to stomach the thought of being sent to a place so horrible and cruel, I swallow down the last of my pride and beg in a shaky, tearful whisper as I grab his free hand, “N-no, Alpha. Pl-please, don’t send me away. I promise this w-won’t happen again. Please.”

I don’t want to go!

Please!

I know I’m so fucked up and I have so many Goddamn problems, but I want to stay!

I want Cassie to still love me and want to be around me, despite my problems!

I desperately want him to still want me in his life even with how fucked up I am!

Please, please, please, don’t do this to me!

I can’t fucking take it!

“Gabe, that isn’t what I meant,” Castiel says in that same earnest, almost hopeful tone, his words pulling me from my thoughts as I sniffle quietly, trying hard to fight the tears blooming behind my eyes. “I am your alpha, correct?”

While taking another deep breath against the crook of his neck, trying in vain to use his scent to calm my racing and terrified heart, I whisper hesitantly, “Y-Yes, you’re my alpha, Cassie.”

“Good,” Castiel says immediately, a small smile heard in his voice, his response so far confusing me. “Do you trust me?”

Even though I don’t understand this line of questioning, without any trace of hesitation or contemplation, I confidently say, “Yes, Alpha.”

“Clearly you trust me, therefore, you should trust my judgment,” Castiel says bluntly and matter-of-factly, as if he is talking about the weather, not my whole fucking life resting in his hands right now.

Feeling weak and pathetic and so fucking stupid, I say in a small whisper, “I-I don’t understand.”

With a heavy, probably disappointed, sigh, Castiel patiently says, “As your alpha, I am refusing to punish you. Because you trust me, you should trust that I am doing this for your own good. If you deserved to be punished, I would carry it out, not anyone else.”

Even though his words seem kind and genuine and should make me feel relieved, they don’t, instead fueling a small, nagging voice in the back of my mind that tells me this is wrong.

“But you never punish me,” I hear someone say, and, oh shit, that was me who said that…

I didn’t even mean to speak, certainly didn’t mean to contradict my alpha after fucking hurting him, but I accidentally did and now it’s out there and I can’t fucking take it back!

Feeling terrified of what my big mouth just got me into, I cringe, curling in on myself, but there’s nowhere to go, Castiel’s arm remaining loosely wrapped around my back, giving me no choice but to curl around the person I’m terrified of in a sorry attempt to protect myself. 

“Would you like me to punish you?” Castiel asks in that same, much too casual tone, but I detect a small undercurrent of worry in his tone, seeming the slightest bit afraid of my answer.

And fuck, what is my answer?!

If I tell him the truth, he might think I’m some fucking masochist, that I’m one of those fucked up omegas who enjoy being tied up by their alphas and hit by a fucking belt.

And I don’t want that!

Even the thought of Castiel hitting me with a fucking belt is terrifying, I can’t even imagine being tied up and entirely helpless as someone did that to me.

At the same time though…

I just feel so fucking guilty!

Every time I close my eyes, every time I start to feel even the slightest bit calm, I see Castiel’s bloody face in my mind, his trembling arms coming out to weakly shield his face from my attacks.

I remember thinking that he was dead, that I had killed him, and I feel a new wave of panic at knowing what I could have done to that.

Panic at knowing what horrible, fucked up things I’m capable of!

And, God, I didn’t even realize I was hurting him!

I thought I was still punching the fucking door, and instead, I was assaulting my alpha, hurting wonderful Cassie.

How can I just get away with hurting the kindest, most amazing person on this whole fucking planet?! 

Castiel has been nothing but good to me, even when I get mad at him for being such a pushover and so hopelessly dense he never does anything to hurt me.

Never.

Not even once has he hurt me.

Not even a little slap or pinch to teach me not to do something.

Absolutely nothing!

And how do I repay him?!

By always fucking yelling at him and calling him names and even hurting him.

God, I’ve hurt him before this too, haven’t I?

I didn’t mean to, but I know I’ve hurt him before, I’ve gotten so angry that I pushed him away from me or shoved him into a wall, moments away from pulling back my fist and doing so much worse to him.

Fuck, I wish I could just say this was a one-time fuck up, that it has never happened before and will never happen again, but that’s a fucking lie.

I’ve hurt him before.

I could easily hurt him again.

I don’t even know why I stopped hurting him just now, what pulled me from my hatred of everyone and everything to realize that my brother, my alpha, my Cassie, was lying on the floor, bleeding from my fists breaking his skin. 

What if whatever stopped me this time doesn’t happen again?

What if I hurt him again and I just keep going until I fucking kill him?!

Our lives would be over!

He’d be dead and I’d be back with our father and brothers, or some equally fucked up alpha who only wants to cause me pain.

I’m a fucking tragedy.

A liability.

I’m only going to cause him pain.

If he doesn’t do anything about me, I’ll ruin his life.

He should just get rid of me before I fuck up any worse.

Because I know I will fuck up again.

I’m a fucking timebomb, ready to explode at any moment and, whoever's nearby is gonna get caught in the wreckage. 

I desperately want to stay with Cassie, but I know I’ll just wreck his entire future, his entire life .

I don’t want to hurt him anymore.

I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore.

“I want you to kill me,” I whisper brokenly as I squeeze my eyes shut tightly, tears rapidly trailing down my cheeks as I know that this is the only way to keep Castiel safe.

Unless he kills me, there’s no way he can be safe from me.

There’s no way to guarantee that I won’t hurt him again.

The only way to keep me from accidentally killing him is by doing it to me first.

I just hope he’s nice about it.

Just put me out of my misery quickly and painlessly.

“WHAT?!” Castiel exclaims loudly, seeming shocked and appalled by my words, his voice morphed by anger, shock, and disbelief, making him sound like an entirely different person.

While trying hard to keep from bursting into sobs, I whisper in a weak, defeated tone, “I hurt you, Cassie. I-I had no idea that I was hurting you and I don’t know what made me stop, but I think I could do it again. I’m fucking terrified that I’ll hurt you again.”

I pause for several moments, breathing deeply and heavily to try to keep the mounting panic at bay before continuing in a loud, desperate voice, “I thought I fucking k-killed you!”

“Oh, Gabe,” Castiel whispers sadly, his voice choked and quiet, sounding like he’s also fighting back tears. “I’m okay, you didn’t hurt me that badly.”

“But I did!” I yell as the first loud, ugly sob surfaces, hating that I did this to him. “You’re lying on the ground, fucking bleeding and you can’t even open one of your eyes and you probably can’t even stand by yourself! I did that for you! And… I might do it again...”

“You think you’ll hurt me this badly again?” Castiel asks in that same sad tone, but this time I detect a hint of… is that fear?!

Oh my fucking god, is my alpha afraid of me?!

Does Castiel think I’ll hurt him this badly again too?!

Fuck! 

I fucking hate this!

“I don’t know!” I scream in frustration, hating this whole shitty situation. “I don’t know why I hurt you to begin with and I don’t know why I even stopped hurting you and I don’t know if I’ll hurt you again which probably means I’ll hurt you again but I don’t want to so that’s why you have to kill me!”

By the end of my words, I’m gasping for air, feeling like the walls around me are closing in on me, that Castiel’s body is suddenly on top of me, pinning me down and ripping the air from my lungs, slowly suffocating me so I never hurt him again.

“Breathe, Gabe,” Castiel whispers, but his tone is firm, reassuring, the lack of anger or frustration enough to convince my panicked and scattered mind to take a deep breath, my face still firmly pressed into the crook of his neck, allowing me to breathe in his gentle scent some more.

Once I’m breathing slow and steadily, helping me feel slightly less like I might throw up or pass out right now, I whisper sheepishly, “I’m so sorry you have to deal with me.”

“Nonsense,” Castiel immediately says, his tone contradictory, but not in a harsh way that makes me feel worried.

Then, in that same compassionate and earnest tone, Castiel quietly says, “Gabe, you are the most important person in the world to me.”

“W-What?” I ask hesitantly, my voice a breathy whisper, unable to believe what I’m hearing, knowing that I must have misheard him, or this is just the punchline to some cruel joke. 

“I love you with all my heart, Gabriel,” Castiel says in a smooth, deep rumble, none of the earlier pain in his voice surfacing now, just giving me the raw, unfiltered Castiel that I scarcely see anymore. “You are not only the most important person in the world to me, but you are my entire world. I have no friends, no other family, but I wouldn’t trade you for anyone else. I love you and… every day I fear that I am not good enough for you, that one day you will realize how inadequate of an alpha I am. I fear that you will want to leave me, that you will hate being around me, but you are legally bound to me and can’t leave. I could never hurt you, let alone kill you because doing so would mean damaging the only joy I have in life.”

I don’t respond, can’t respond against the tightness in my throat, the only sound in the room once he finishes are my loud, ugly sobs that surface without restraint.

Instead of trying to convey the tsunami of emotions I’m drowning in right now, I just shift slightly, moving so that my left arm is draped over his chest, hugging him tightly as we lay on the bathroom floor together holding each other close, as if the entire world will crumble and shatter if we don’t.

And maybe it will. 

Apparently, I’m Cassie’s entire world, which I can’t even begin to understand why .

Why does he care about me so much?

Why does he love me so much?

Why does he still want to be around me?

And the less selfish question bouncing around my mind:

Why doesn’t Cassie have anyone else in his life?

He’s gotta be the kindest person on the whole planet, yet he doesn’t have a single friend of his own.

God, he really has no one…

At least I have my friend Sam who lets me complain to him about my annoying older brother. 

But Cassie has no one .

If he has a problem with me, he can’t talk to anyone else about it.

He doesn’t even tell me about his problems!

I thought that he didn’t come to me with them because he didn’t trust me enough, or because he had someone else to talk to, but I was wrong.

I can’t even begin to understand why he doesn’t talk to me, but now that I know, I can’t help but feel sick at that realization.

He must be so lonely…

If his entire world is a fucked up, broken omega like me, he must be so unhappy…

But wait, why did he say that hurting me would be taking away his joy?

Does he really gain anything pleasant from being around me?

Does he really not want to lose that?

And what was that he said about me wanting to leave?

I was literally begging him not to send me away, to let me stay here with him, and he thinks I’m going to get sick of him, that one day I’ll want to leave him behind?

Why the hell does he think that?!

Oh fuck, is it because of me?!

Have all the times I’ve gotten mad and yelled at him, acted on stupid anger and impulse, made him think that I hate him?!

Oh my God, does he really think that I hate him?!

Does he really think that I want to leave him?!

Every damn day I wake up in an empty bed, terrified that Castiel might storm into my room and tell me to pack up my things and go back to our father and brothers. 

I’m terrified that, one of these times when I yell at him, he might snap and force me to leave, throwing me out on my own in the middle of these woods where I’ll surely die.

He thinks that I want to leave?!

The very thought of leaving keeps me up at night for hours, terrified that any day could be my last in this paradise.

I have to make this right!

I have no fucking clue how, but I have to!

While willing myself to calm down, I take deep breaths, wanting my tears to finally end so I can talk to him and fix everything I’ve fucked up.

“Cassie?” I ask hesitantly after a few more moments of crying and sniffling, wracking my brain for the right words, hoping I’ll sound at least the slightest bit eloquent like he did, but I doubt I’ll get anywhere close.

When he hums in acknowledgment to my question, I take a deep breath, trying to steel myself, then say as confidently as I can muster, “Thank you. I-I honestly had no idea you felt that way about me. I… Every damn day I wake up and I’m so scared that, when you open up my door to wake me for school, you’ll tell me that you’re done, that you can’t handle me anymore and want me to go back to our father and brothers. Sometimes I wake up at three in the morning and I start crying because I don’t want to leave here, don’t want to leave you , but I know that it’s bound to happen because I’m so fucked up.”

“Oh, Gabe, I had no idea,” Castiel whispers sadly as he pulls me closer to his chest, holding me tightly as more silent tears slip down my cheeks. “I would NEVER just discard you like that. I love you so much, I don’t ever want you to be hurt by our sorry excuse for a family ever again. Until you find your mate, I will happily be your alpha.”

“Promise?” I ask hesitantly, hating how small and shaky my voice sounds, but I can’t help it, torn between believing his words and not daring to hope that they could actually be true.

“I promise, My Wonderful Omega,” Castiel says without hesitation as he holds me a little tighter.

Immediately, I smile widely, feeling a huge burden lift from my shoulders. 

With a heavy sigh, I finally relax for once, letting myself go as I enjoy Castiel’s touch, for once not wondering if this will be one of the last times I get to feel his gentle caresses as he plays with my hair.

Instead, I can just enjoy it.

After a few moments of just basking in his touch without fear of the end, I smile slightly, realizing how ridiculous this was.

We both thought that the other hated us, but, obviously, that wasn’t the case.

With a small smile, I sigh dramatically before saying softly, “We’re fucking idiots. We could have just talked to each other, but instead, we just assumed that the other person hated us.”

Surprisingly, Castiel laughs softly before, with what sounds like a smirk of his own, saying, “Yes, that would have had much more desirable results.”

While rolling my eyes fondly at his never-ending formal way of talking, I quietly say with a large, genuine smile, “Hey, at least we know now. And, I don’t know if I said this earlier, but I love you too. And I feel the same about all that other nice shit you said too.”

“Thank you,” Castiel says with another soft chuckle, the sound of his laughter further serving to ease some of the heaviness that had settled into my chest ever since I presented as an omega. 

“Anytime,” I say with my smile still in place, truly meaning it.

I know that I’ve screwed up more times than I even want to count, but I’m learning. 

I didn’t realize I was hurting Cassie, both physically and emotionally, but now that I have, I’ll do everything I can to make it up to him.

I had no idea that he wanted me in his life, I merely thought he was tolerating me for the time being.

Now that I know though, and I believe it with all my heart despite only being told once, I want him to know I feel the same.

Clearly, I’ve done a shitty job at making him feel loved by me.

And now that I know that I’m literally the only person he has to comfort him, I have to do better. 

No more being scared.

No more holding back. 

Until he feels and believes it, I’ll tell him every damn day how much I love and appreciate him. 

Until he feels loved, I’ll hug him and cuddle him, something I know he always wants to do, but I pull away from him, always too scared of fucking up with those kind touches and making him want to send me away.

No more though.

Sure, it’s gonna be hard to unlearn this, hard to initiate those types of touches with Cassie, but I can at least try. 

I want him to know how much I love him.

I love him more than anyone else in the world.

I really do.

He’s so amazing and wonderful and he deserves to know it too.

He deserves to know how much I love him. 

Chapter Text

Castiel’s pov

As I lay here in bed, my eyes squeezed tightly shut in hopes of easing some of the ferocious pounding in my head, my mind runs wild.

I… have no idea what just happened…

How can I comprehend, let alone put into words, what Gabriel did to me moments ago?

How are we supposed to move past this when I can barely think, barely even breathe through the pain, panic, and nausea I feel?

I can’t tell what is worse: the pain he caused me that seems to engulf my entire body, slowly burning me alive with each throb of agony, or the pain in my heart knowing that my own little brother, the most important person in the world to me, could attack me so violently.

It wasn’t entirely his fault though.

I have to keep reminding myself of that.

Gabriel didn’t mean to attack me.

He was taking out his frustration on our bathroom door and, like an absolute moron, I decided to place my body in front of his fists.

In hindsight, I definitely deserved to be hurt so badly because of my stupidity.

I just wanted to help him…

As soon as I heard the omega yell, I came rushing from my bedroom to see what went wrong.

Even though Gabriel sent me away, my inner alpha and I were very pleased to find that, when we returned, he actually needed my help.

Despite Gabriel’s callousness toward me, it felt good to gently tuck the omega into bed so he can get a nice, long night of sleep.

Which is something that I wish I could get but, no matter, I will just arrive at school tomorrow as a sleepless, hurt alpha who can’t seem to do anything right.

If people actually liked me, I would be worried about what showing up to school bloody and bruised would do to my reputation.

Instead, the only ones who might give me a concerned glance are my teachers, most of whom won’t even verbally acknowledge my injuries. 

Regardless of everyone’s reactions to my current state, I will deal with that tomorrow.

Tonight, after safely securing the omega in Gabriel’s bed, I retired to my own room to finally sleep, but, only a few moments in, I was startled awake again.

As I laid in bed, my heart pounding viciously, I heard bang, bang, bang! 

For a few moments, I thought that someone was shooting outside our house.

But, considering that we are in desolate woods with no one around for many miles, I quickly overruled that idea as improbable. 

When I moved to investigate, I discovered that, just outside the bathroom door where I knew Gabriel to be, the sound was much more violent and prominent.

Every time I called Gabriel’s name, he didn’t respond, as if he couldn’t hear me over his pounding fists meeting our bathroom door.

I didn’t know what to do and, with each deafening bang of his fists, I began to panic more, knowing that he was hurting himself, but uncertain how to stop it without causing myself any pain.

Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore and, with the intention of holding him steady until he calmed down, I threw open the bathroom door.

For some reason, I wasn’t ready for the strength behind his first punch, or for the punch to even hit me.

One moment, I was standing in the doorway, watching Gabriel as he pulled back his fist, the trajectory heading straight for my face, but I couldn’t seem to move, couldn’t seem to do anything to protect myself. 

The next moment, I was on the ground, Gabriel straddling me and raining fists down on my face, a crazed look in his eyes as he bombarded me with a strength unlike anything I have ever seen before.

I couldn’t think, couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe as his fists rained down on my nose, cheeks, eyes, jaw, and throat, seeming to come from every direction yet none at all, making it impossible for me to detect where the blows would land.

Finally, I managed to wiggle my arms out from underneath his legs and position my forearms in front of my face, blocking most of his assault, but he didn’t stop.

It was like he couldn’t stop.

I must have called his name a thousand times, begged and pleaded for minutes, maybe hours, but he just wouldn’t stop. 

I don’t even know why he stopped. 

One moment he had that angry, power-hungry look in his eyes as he beat me, then the next, his fists disappeared and he was no longer on top of me.

I was shaking, too scared to move my arms from my face, terrified that he was just changing positions so he could hurt me in some other, horrible way.

It took what seemed like forever for me to lower my arms and see him at the sink, splashing his face with water with shaking hands painted in crimson, the sight of the blood, with no way of knowing if it was his or mine, made me feel even more sick and nauseous. 

When I heard his footsteps approach again, despite his frantic calls of my name, I couldn’t bring myself to look anymore and instead covered my face again, hoping that he wouldn’t hurt me anymore, but preparing for the worst in case he decided to continue his onslaught.

I didn’t understand what caused his sudden anger, I still don’t understand why he attacked me, but I was terrified of it happening again.

Honestly, I am still terrified of it happening again.

Even though Gabriel so sweetly helped me walk to my bed so I can rest now, I can’t help but worry that, at any moment, he will throw open my bedroom door and his powerful, angered fists will strike me again. 

Like flipping a switch, transforming from furious to calm and remorseful in the blink of an eye, I can’t help but worry that, even if he is docile at the moment, he may have a sudden transition to anger. 

He could easily just walk into the room to hurt me again and I wouldn’t be able to stop him.

I am already so hurt, so tired, that I don’t think I can fight back.

If he wanted to hurt me again, I don’t think there is anything I can do to stop him.

Please, don’t try to hurt me again.

I don’t want it!

A shiver wracks my body as I curl in on myself under the covers of my bed, trying hard to fight the growing pressure behind my eyes, not wanting to cry again.

I am an alpha.

Alphas don’t cry.

Even when they are hurt and in pain, alphas are strong and never cry.

Good alphas never cry.

But it would appear that I am not a good alpha. 

I close my eyes tightly, hoping that will help keep the onslaught of tears at bay, but it just makes everything a thousand times worse. 

Instead of seeing the darkness behind my eyelids, I am met with Gabriel’s wicked grin, the malice and murderous look in his once-soft eyes as he punched my nose, causing the warm blood to flood from my body, seeming to gush away at a much faster rate than what should be healthy, the blood leaving my body, never to return agai-

“Please, I don’t want to think about that,” I whisper in intense panic as I quickly open my good eye, frantically searching the room to make sure I am alone.

As I breathe heavily, feeling the phantom touch of his fists raining down on my face mercilessly, the tears steadily fall now. 

Instead of wiping away the tears, I slowly move my right hand to cover my smarting eye, wishing that I could ease the pain enough to open that eye, but I know it is useless.

I might not be able to open that eye for the next week...

I hate this!

Instead of sleeping as Gabriel intended I did when he brought me back to my bed, I am alone, safely tucked under the covers, absolutely no danger in sight, yet I am panicking, terrified that Gabriel is going to try to hurt me, maybe even try to kill me again.

That is what it comes down to, isn’t it? 

He hurt me badly, and although I tried my best to reassure him that I am fine, I genuinely thought that he was going to kill me.

I thought that Gabriel, my little brother, my omega, the only one in life who matters to me, would kill me tonight.

The pain was already so powerful, all-encompassing, and I thought that he would just keep going until there was nothing left but that pain.

Until there was nothing left of me even.

I thought that he would punch me for hours, maybe even years, until he broke all the bones in my arms, giving me no way to defend myself and full access to my fragile, already bruised face.

I thought that, once I was entirely defenseless, he would continue, landing blow after blow until finally, a solid hit to the temple would knock me unconscious.

Maybe then he would realize what he had done to me.

Or maybe he would just continue punching my lifeless body until I truly became lifeless. 

Maybe even after the head trauma from his fists caved in my skull, puncturing and crushing my delicate brain, he would still continue punching me. 

Granted, I would be dead and wouldn’t know, but part of me wonders if he would have just kept going.

Could he really have punched me to death in a fit of rage that wasn’t even caused by me? 

I wish I knew.

I wish I knew if I should truly fear for my life around Gabriel.

I wish I knew if it was for my own safety to follow his horrific request to end his life before he kills me. 

I wish I knew that my pleas to Gabriel went unheard, not that he intentionally ignored them in favor of causing me pain. 

That was the scariest part.

I tried so hard to reason with him, to get him to stop hurting me, but he didn’t even acknowledge me.

It seemed as though Gabriel was replaced by… a monster, a crazed fiend who only wanted to cause me tremendous amounts of pain. 

He wanted to hurt another person who was entirely defenseless, begging and pleading to be spared, but no mercy would come.

The worst part is that...

This isn’t the first time something like this happened…

Not to me, but to Gabriel.

Sometimes our father would rain down his fists on Gabriel’s much smaller omega body, uncaring of his own son begging not to be hurt.

Even my pleas went unanswered; in fact, instead of listening to me, Micheal and Lucifer pinned me against the wall, forcing me to watch them use and abuse Gabriel. 

What Gabriel did tonight was… just like... our father and brothers. 

I can’t believe it…

I don’t want to believe it, but there is no denying that the evil smirk Gabriel sported as he hurt me, the way his eyes seemed to glow and shine more vibrantly with each punch that collided with my body, was so like our family.

How could the person I love the most, the one who encompasses my entire world, act so similarly to those who are dead to me, who I would love to kill with my own hands after the hell they put Gabriel and me through? 

I don’t understand…

I don’t think I want to understand though…

I already am so afraid of Gabriel right now; if I spend any more time drawing comparisons between him and our other family members, I won’t be able to stay in the same room as Gabriel any longer. 

Every time I look at Gabriel’s face, I can’t be reminded of our abusive father.

I can’t think of Gabriel and have those thoughts morphed into our twisted older brothers. 

If I think like that, I will lose everything.

Gabriel is my everything, even after this horrible occurrence, and I can’t lose that.

I can’t lose him.

I have to do everything I can to work past this.

Even though I am absolutely terrified still, those blasted tears still leaking continuously from my eyes, I have to try. 

Gabriel said that he doesn’t hate me, that he doesn’t want to leave me, so I have to do everything I can to keep him from changing his mind.

I have to find a way to help him, but also while not driving us apart.

How can I do that though?

All my other attempts to find someone to help him, someone external who he can talk to, have resulted in yelling and pleading not to go there.

Doesn’t he understand that I just want to help him?

Doesn’t he understand that there are people, like our wonderful teacher Mrs. Winchester, who care about him and don’t want to see him hurting like this?

Mrs. Winchester…

I have not thought about her for a while.

Well, actually, that is untrue.

I think about her quite often.

And no, it is not in the way that many alphas fancy the teachers that they deem ‘hot’.

She is just so nice.

She genuinely cares about her students, unlike many of the teachers who simply pretend.

She especially cares about Gabriel and me.

She wants to help us.

She wants to help him especially.

She... was right after all.

She pointed out his violent tendencies, showed me that someone was going to get hurt if I didn’t take action, but I refused.

I refused to believe that my sweet Gabriel, my lovely omega, could be capable of such violence.

How naive!

How stupid of me!

For my denial, I am now paying a hefty price.

Because I only wanted to see the good in Gabriel, I am hurt worse than I ever have been, my entire body aching as I lay in bed, not wanting to be here, but too hurt to move on my own.

As I continue laying here, the tears rapidly trickling down my severely damp cheeks, I remember that dreaded conversation I had with my math teacher, Mrs. Winchester, about a month ago.

**********

It was Friday afternoon, the most coveted time of the week in every adolescents’ life. The afternoon means school is almost over, but the minutes until it actually ends are always agonizingly long. This Friday was no different, myself and so many other students were eager to leave for the day. Although, I had no idea that I wouldn’t be departing alongside my fellow classmates. 

On that Friday, I was particularly anxious to return home. Gabriel said he wasn’t feeling well in the morning, so he stayed home, but insisted that I shouldn’t stay home as well to take care of him. So, I had spent the whole day worrying, sneaking texts to him several times each class to make sure he truly was okay. 

When the bell finally rang, myself and all the other students quickly jumped to our feet and shoved our belongings into backpacks, apathetic to the fact that our teacher was still talking about upcoming homework. After all, the final bell means the end of all school relations, especially on Fridays.

“Have a great weekend, everyone!” Mrs. Winchester called out to the quickly retreating backs of her students, ever kind and chipper even though most people there weren’t paying any attention to her.

“Thank you, Mrs. Winchester. I hope you have a great weekend, as well,” I said with a polite smile as I quickly passed by her desk and headed to the door, happy to be wished a nice weekend, especially since I thought I would spend all of it taking care of a sick, grumpy Gabriel.

Much to my surprise, instead of just showing off her perfectly-white teeth behind soft pink lipstick in a smile, she hesitantly called out to me, “Castiel, can you stay for a few minutes? It’s about Gabriel.” 

I stopped dead in my tracks after hearing that, which, of course, gained some choice words and angry grumbles from the train of students behind me, all trying to leave the room.

As bile rose in my throat, I turned around and slowly walked deeper into the classroom, dreading this conversation but still stammering, “Yeah, I-I can stay.” 

When I stopped in front of her, even though she had been my teacher for several months, I couldn’t help but size her up. She has always been a nice beta teacher, in her late thirties with wavy shoulder-length bleach blonde hair that beautifully frames her petite, oval face. Her piercing blue-green eyes are always surrounded by mascara and a hint of eyeliner that really makes the color in them pop. Her prominent cheekbones are always a slight pink, whether from blush or a natural glow I can’t ever tell, but it makes her look pretty regardless. As subtle as I could, I took a quick sniff, detecting underneath the classroom's smell of sweat and b.o. that she was nervous, her normally sweet meadow scent turned smokey and dangerous, like a wildfire about to tear through the area. Despite how her scent betrayed her nerves, she gave me a large smile, but her eyes didn't crinkle up at the corners, which told me that there was no mirth to be had in this situation. Instead of sizing me up in return like I thought she would, she just continued smiling before motioning me to take a seat at the student desk directly in front of hers.

Feeling mildly relieved, I sat down at the desk in the front row, thankful I wouldn’t have to listen to her while standing on shaky legs.

“Thanks for staying, Castiel,” Mrs. Winchester said with her smile still in place, but the corners downturned slightly, as if she was having trouble keeping the smile on her face. “To start, are you his legal alpha?” 

I instantly felt worried and on-guard, refusing to let some teacher tell me that I am not doing a good job taking care of Gabriel. Even though a small part of me knew that I was not doing very well, I still believed I was the best he had.

“I am” I coldly said as I sat up straight, ready to rise to any challenge to protect Gabriel. “Why do you ask?” 

“I’m sorry if I’m overstepping here, but I’m worried about Gabriel,” Mrs. Winchester said, her tone a mix of gentleness, concern, but also an air of authority that came with being a very skilled teacher.

"Why are you worried?" I asked hesitantly as I sat back in my seat, the need to protect my omega being replaced with worry for his safety.

This can't be good...

"I… I think Gabriel has a lot of anger inside him,” Mrs. Winchester cautiously and slowly said, and her words made the dread in my stomach build. “One moment he’s sitting at his desk, paying attention to the problems on the board, then he's suddenly snapping a pencil or tearing an eraser to shreds. I don't want to sound mean, but most students don't do that, especially the omegas. I'm worried about him and concerned for the students around him.”

In hindsight, I should have taken her words more carefully into consideration. I knew he had some issues with his anger and sometimes he pushed me around, but I told myself it was just because we are brothers. If I hadn’t brushed off her concern like I did, maybe I wouldn’t be having one of the worst nights of my life currently.

“You said that you are concerned for the other students?” I asked hesitantly as warmth spread behind my eyes, hoping that she wasn’t implying what I thought she was. “Do you think they could be in danger?”

I didn’t want to believe that Gabriel could truly hurt anyone.

I wanted him to be my sweet, wonderful Gabriel, not some bully who could strike anyone or anything at the slightest shift in mood.

"Castiel, this conversation is never easy to have with parents or guardians, but we need to,” Mrs. Winchester said in a kind voice as she placed a comforting hand on my left shoulder for support, her sweet gesture giving me the strength to continue listening. “Earlier this week, I didn’t think Gabriel would hurt anyone, even with some of the signs of anger I’ve seen. During class yesterday, one of the alpha boys threw a piece of paper on his desk. I don’t know what it said because, before I could confiscate the note, he lashed out at the student. We all were shocked when he stood up, then shoved that student's desk onto its side. Then Gabriel punched him in the stomach and ran from the room. He was supposed to have detention for it today, but, conveniently, he was absent from my class." 

“Oh my god,” I muttered under my breath as the tears steadily dripped down my cheeks, feeling utterly shocked and betrayed. 

Not only did Gabriel cause a major disruption in class, but he… hurt someone.

The worst part, even to this day, is that I had no idea. If Mrs. Winchester hadn’t talked to me about this, I am certain that I would have thought that he stayed home because he was sick, not because he was avoiding the consequences of his violent outburst.  

It still makes me sick to think that he had the audacity to attack an alpha classmate, then pretended to be unwell to never go to detention for it. 

He still hasn’t told me about this himself, which makes me feel so untrusted by him.

Makes me feel so unloved by him.

Gabriel didn’t trust me enough to tell me about this… but I also didn’t trust Mrs. Winchester enough to take action, so now I am paying the price for our secrets and lack of action.

"Castiel?” Mrs. Winchester hesitantly asked, the concern in her voice growing, “Are you okay? You're shaking." 

Even though it seemed impossible, I slowly lifted my head from my hands and looked her in the eyes, no doubt showing her the storm of emotions I felt.

"Oh, Sweetie, it'll be okay," Mrs. Winchester said in a reassuring tone as she wrapped me in a bone-crushing hug.

Even though part of me wondered whether she was literally trying to squish me into a pancake, I wrapped my arms around her tightly as well, enjoying the hug.

"Is that better?" Mrs. Winchester asked with a large, kind smile a few moments later as she pulled back from the hug.

Even though I was reluctant to untangle my arms from around her back, I whispered with a watery smile, "Very much so, thank you.”

"Anytime, Castiel,” Mrs. Winchester sweetly said, her kind, genuine smile made me feel like she truly meant that and, if I have another problem, I can come to her. “If you ever need anyone to talk to, or you just want a hug, I'm here for you." 

"Thank you, I really appreciate it,” I whispered as I looked her directly in the eyes, wanting her to understand how much this truly means to me. “For months, it has been me and Gabriel against the world. Learning about this is terrifying, but I am grateful that you told me.”

"It's just you two?! What about your parents?" Mrs. Winchester asked, her voice laced with shock and disbelief.

Unable to help myself, I released a bitter laugh at her question.

Our parents.

It is unfit to even consider calling those abusive monsters a word like ‘parents’, so loaded with hope and endearment.

"Our parents are dead to me,” I harshly said while staring at the floor, ignoring the sharp intake of breath she had. “I am certain that Gabriel feels no differently after they took advantage of his omega biology.”

Mrs. Winchester was silent for several moments, though each second felt like an eternity as I waited for her judgment, seeming absolutely stunned by my words.

"Would you be willing to share more about them?” Mrs. Winchester hesitantly asked after several more, agonizingly long moments of silence. “Maybe it can help us find a cause to Gabriel’s anger, then a solution to help him."

"I can, although, our past is highly unpleasant," I said with a heavy sigh, hating the thought of telling someone about our not-so-loving family, especially since the sheriff herself is the only other person who knows what happened in our old home.

But I did, and still do, trust Mrs. Winchester more than any other adult I have ever met.

After several seconds without protest, I quietly and hesitantly began, “I was seventeen and a half when Gabriel presented. We all thought he was going to be a fiery beta, but, as you know, he was unfortunate enough to become an omega. He was devastated, but I promised him we would get through it… He believed me, but I couldn’t have been more wrong..."

At my pause, she reassuringly said while placing a hand on my shoulder again, “Take as much time as you need. There's no rush.”

I just nodded and smiled shakily in response to her reassurance, thinking that, despite desperately not wanting to, I would need to go full-speed ahead to successfully make it through this conversation. 

In a pained, rushed whisper, I continued, "Over the next few months, I watched helplessly as Gabriel pushed everyone away, even me. We were closer to each other than anyone else in our lives, so I knew something was wrong. At first, I just thought he was depressed about being an omega, which made sense to me then because he is so determined and strong-willed. Then one day, he winced while sitting down and the thoughts that went through my mind were some of the scariest I have ever had. I asked why he was hurt and-" 

I couldn't continue as an ugly sob tore its way through my throat, blocking the passage for any more words to tumble from my lips.

"Shhhh, it's okay. I've got you," Mrs. Winchester whispered reassuringly as she pulled me into her arms, holding me as I cried.

During that moment, I realized that no adult had ever held me while I cried. Even as a child, Chuck just told me to ‘stop crying like a little bitch’ while Naomi nodded in agreement. They never cared about me or Gabriel, instead spending their time doting on the older, ‘better’ sons they had.

The tears kept falling, accompanied by obnoxious sobs that caused me to clutch tightly to Mrs. Winchester's back, feeling like a drowning man with her as the only thing keeping me from sinking under those murky blue waves.

“Did they… assault him?” Mrs. Winchester hesitantly asked as my crying lessened a bit, but her words brought on another onslaught. 

Miserably, I nodded my head and choked out between sobs, “M-my little brother’s f-first time was… b-by those f-f-fuckers.”

“I’m so sorry,” Mrs. Winchester adamantly said, her words quiet and choked as well, sounding like she was on the brink of tears. “No one deserves that, but especially not caring, funny Gabriel.”

"Thank you,” I whispered sadly as my sobs turned to sniffles, desperately wishing that I didn’t have more to say. “I-I wish that was the worst of it.”

For as long as I live, even when I am old and gray, barely clinging to what is left of my life, I know that I will never forget what Chuck did to him next.

“Oh, Castiel,” Mrs. Winchester sadly said as she hugged me tighter, making it seem like neither of us was prepared for me to continue.

"I know, it is all just awful," I started in a small, shaky voice, hating every moment of this. "I was horrified when Gabriel told me what they did to him. I burst into our father's room and demanded to know if it was true, that our brothers really… hurt Gabriel like that. I will never forget that twisted smile on his face as I screamed at him, like he was amused that all this upset me so much."

I squeezed my eyes shut tight and buried my face in Mrs. Winchester's shoulder, hoping in vain that she could protect me from what happened next, but the past cannot be undone.

"What happened next?" Mrs. Winchester asked gently, her words, rather than making me feel like she was prying, gave me the strength to continue.

"Micheal and Lucifer, that is our older brothers, grabbed me from behind and held my arms behind my back,” I whispered weakly with a shiver, still remembering the feeling of their hands on me, preventing all my attempts to rescue Gabriel. “I couldn't get away from them. I tried so hard, but they are both older alphas and were too powerful. Our father left the room and… they taunted me, bragging about all the fun they had with Gabriel. When he came back into the room, he was pulling Gabriel behind him. Our brothers pinned me to the wall and made me watch as... our father… h-he shoved Gabriel onto h-his bed. And t-then he fucking ra-”

Before I could continue, another sob broke free, the force of it shaking my entire body, which made Mrs. Winchester grip me tighter.

"Castiel," Mrs. Winchester whispered in a strained tone as she sniffled, telling me that she was crying too. 

Several minutes of crying passed before Mrs. Winchester loudly and adamantly said, "No one should EVER have to go through that. I'm so sorry, Castiel.” 

Even though I knew her words were supposed to help me feel better, they didn’t ease my pain and heartbreak at all. 

How could her words make me feel any sort of relief when, despite knowing what horrors Gabriel was subjected to on the daily, there was nothing I could do until I turned eighteen?

We went through five and a half months of absolute hell but, because we live in a society that perpetuates a broken system, there was no one to save us.

Rather than being rescued, as portrayed by those cheesy, unrealistic movies, we had to save ourselves. 

In a system built upon depravity and destroying the souls of hapless omegas, we had to search for a way out, find our own path to no longer be abused by the people who should have made us feel safe. 

After an eternity passed, my tears finally ran dry, leaving me feeling emotionally spent and dead-inside.

"Thank you for sharing this with me, Castiel,” Mrs. Winchester sincerely said in a kind, but still sad tone as she began rubbing comforting circles across my back. “I can't even imagine how hard all this must have been. Are you okay with me asking you a couple of questions though?"

I just hummed in agreement, feeling too exhausted to verbalize my response.

"Do you still live with your father?" Mrs. Winchester quietly asked, her words shocking me greatly, unable to understand why she thought I would still be anywhere near such a horrible man.

"No, the moment I turned eighteen, I claimed Gabriel as my omega and we left that morning. Our father didn't make it easy, but we made it out regardless," I said with a small smirk as I remembered the shock on his face when we actually left.

It still makes me smile to remember when, with all the confidence in the world, Gabriel poked his head out the car window and shouted at our father, "Bye, dear father ! I hope you die in a fucking fire!" 

He angrily demanded that I punish Gabriel for speaking to him like that. Instead, upon Gabriel’s urging, I raised my middle finger at him as we drove away, both of us grinning wildly at his indignant shouting and cursing as he chased our car down the street.

"What do you mean 'he didn't make it easy'?" Mrs. Winchester asked after a few seconds of silence, a hint of worry and dread in her voice.

"He tried to dissuade me by stating that, if I left with Gabriel, he would disown me, blacklist my name so I couldn't find work, and cut off all my funds," I bitterly said, pausing briefly when I heard her shocked gasp. "His threats didn't stop me, so he tried using his alpha voice to keep Gabriel from leaving. It was early in the morning, so he thought he could stop us before I claimed him. We snuck out late though, and, at 12:13am, Gabriel was officially my omega. He tried to keep us locked inside, but I asked Sheriff Harvelle to come to the door if we weren't out by 1:15pm. She forced him to let us out of the basement because he legally couldn't keep an adult and their omega locked up. She walked us to her car and gave us a home until we got our own place."

"W-Wow, I… I honestly don't even know what to say” Mrs. Winchester said in a shocked and disbelieving whisper, her words causing me to chuckle sadly. “I can’t believe this really happened.”

"Yes, it is very remarkable how horrible some people can be,” I said with a wry smile, sighing heavily at the reminder of everything we survived. “As I said, it is very unpleasant. Thankfully, we have both recovered physically. But, as Gabriel likes to say, I think we are most likely ‘fucked up beyond repair after this shit.’”

"No, that's not true,” Mrs. Winchester adamantly said, her words filling me with surprise, but also hope. “There are people out there who can help you two overcome this.”

"Really?” I asked in a quiet, disbelieving tone, not wanting to get my hopes up too high only for them to be crushed into the dirt. “P-People would help us? Even Gabriel? I know most are not omega-friendly.”

"Yes, I know someone who would be willing to help both of you,” Mrs. Winchester said with a kind, dazzling smile, her words causing a surge of hope and relief to fill every inch of me. “Here, let's stand up and I’ll show you his card.”

"Oh, sorry," I whispered sheepishly as I jumped to my feet, feeling embarrassed that I was clinging to my math teacher like a needy octopus.

"Hey, it's okay, you don't have to apologize,” Mrs. Winchester assured me as she stood up, giving me another kind smile that I tried to shakily return. “I'm very happy I could help you release some of the pain you've been carrying around.”

Even though I didn't realize it at first, ever since that day, I have felt a lot lighter. Granted, nothing is sunshine and rainbows and there are still gray, ominous storm clouds constantly looming over me, but it brings me comfort knowing that Mrs. Winchester is familiar with our past. When she sees me, she smiles at me out of kindness, not pity or sympathy for what I have been through, but because she wants me to be happy. 

I must admit that it is very nice to know that someone wants me to be happy.

"Thank you, for everything," I sincerely said with a small, but genuine smile, grateful that I remained after class to talk to her despite my earlier apprehension.

"You're very welcome, Sweetheart,” Mrs. Winchester said with a large smile that made her eyes sparkle beautifully. “Now, come on so I can tell you about a man I think you'll really like.”

As I smiled in return, I followed her to her desk where she gave me a small business card that made me think maybe, just maybe, things could be okay again.

*********

With a sad smile, I remember the conversation I had with Mrs. Winchester.

Somehow that was only a month ago. It feels like an eternity has gone by since then.

When she first told me about the therapist, Bobby Singer, I fully intended to bring us both to talk to him that weekend, especially since Mrs. Winchester spoke so highly of him.

She told me that he was a seemingly-gruff beta, but that, once you get to know him, he is very caring and passionate about helping his patients.

She also told me that he specializes in therapy and trauma recovery for omegas, but that he would be willing to work with me too if I explained our situation.

When I posed the idea to Gabriel, he screamed, begged, and cried until I promised him that he wouldn’t have to go. He assured me that he was fine, that he didn’t need any outside help, and I was stupid enough to believe him. 

Because I didn’t push him, I am laying in bed, my body throbbing with pain as I try my hardest to fight the second onslaught of tears threatening to spill. 

Even if he argues against therapy like last time, I absolutely can’t let him win.

This time, as any alpha should, I am going to put my foot down and demand that we go.

Tonight has shown me without question that we both need to go to therapy.

I just can't keep living like this. 

I don’t want to spend nearly every moment trapped in our past, or fearing for mine and Gabriel’s futures. 

I am just so tired of it all. 

I can’t ignore our problems anymore, especially after this happened. 

If Gabriel was able to hurt me, his own brother and alpha, this badly, who knows what he might do to a stranger who makes him angry...

He would get kicked out of school if he did this to someone else.

Not only that, but my claim over him would be revoked… And then… He would be taken back to our father.

No, please, anything but that!

I can't lose him!

If seeing Bobby Singer can keep me from losing Gabriel, then we will talk to him every day for the rest of our lives if it comes down to it.

"Cassie?" Gabriel softly asks as the door obnoxiously creaks open, the guilt and worry in his hesitant voice causing me to wince. “Sorry it took me so long, I had to wrap up the omega’s shoulder. The poor guy was stabbed there.”

For a few seconds, my pain seems to fade entirely, instead, my worry for the omega fills the forefront of my mind, my inner alpha whining in alarm at the realization that his omega is hurt worse than we originally thought.

Now isn’t the time to think about that though.

At this moment, I have to focus on Gabriel, who’s nervous scent of burning cinnamon and bread is cloying in the bedroom now, seeming to suffocate me and add to my inner alpha’s nervousness as his natural sweet scent is twisted into something painful to be around.

“You certainly don’t have to apologize for that, Gabe,” I say with a small, shaky smile, hoping that my nervousness at being around him, especially so soon after he hurt me, isn’t broadcasted for him to detect. “I am very glad that you treated his more pressing wound before coming here. Now, will you come lay down with me?”

Once I stop talking, I slowly and gingerly move my arms away from my chest, not wanting him to realize that I was curled in a fetal position, crying my eyes out because of what he did to me.

Even though I bite down on my lip while moving to try to hide my pain, a low, muffled groan escapes at the pounding behind my temple flaring up, rearing its ugly presence at even my minuscule movements. 

"Hey, don't move,” Gabriel demands in a firm, yet still kind voice, his tone reminiscent of what I like to call his: I'm-a-doctor-talking-to-a-small-child-voice. “There’s enough room for us to both lay on that side. So, please, just stay still so you don’t hurt yourself anymore.”

With a frustrated huff, I do as he asks, hating that my upper body is awkwardly twisted away from my legs, my torso frozen halfway through the process of rolling over in bed. 

While chuckling sadly at my predicament, Gabriel cautiously approaches me.

After sitting at the foot of my bed, he slowly and carefully grabs my shoulders, helping me roll back into my original position facing the wall. 

For a few seconds, his hand lingers on my shoulder longer than necessary, a ghost of a smile on my face as his thumb starts tracing small circles across my left shoulder.

Suddenly, something wet and cold is pressed against my forehead, the unexpected contact causing me to flinch and shiver simultaneously, feeling a spike of fear at whatever it is he might have just done to me.

“Shit, sorry for not warning you!” Gabriel exclaims in panic as the circles against my shoulder become faster and more frantic, seeming alarmed by the fear that he must smell radiating off me. “I cleaned a washcloth and soaked it in water. It’ll help your head hurt a little less.”

I just smile slightly in response, hoping my weak little smile will cover up the worry and unease I feel as he scoots closer to me, his hand, one of the hands that repeatedly collided with my skin moments ago, leaving blood and bruises in their wake, now coursing through my tangled strands of hair.

“Cassie?” Gabriel asks hesitantly as the hand in my hair becomes still, his voice filled with worry, guilt, and fear. “Are you afraid of me?”

Even though I tell myself that I should lie to him, protect his feelings because he is already so upset over what he did, I can’t convince myself to even open my mouth to assure him.

Instead, I just slowly open my good eye, showing him the tears threatening to spill once again by way of answering. 

Slowly, Gabriel moves his hand toward my face and it takes all my willpower to stay still and not pull away from him, a small, fearful part of me that shouldn’t even exist hoping that he won’t hurt me again.

"I'm so sorry, Cassie," Gabriel whispers sadly as he gently caresses his thumb across my cheeks, wiping away the now falling tears.

"Come here," I whisper back, hoping that holding him close will help ease both of our fears and worries.

Without hesitation, he carefully lays down beside me and scoots close to my chest.

With his solid weight pressed against me, his steady pounding heartbeat against my own reminding me that we are both still alive, I begin to feel more at ease.

As the last of my tears dry, I slowly and carefully wrap my arms around his back and shoulders. 

Now that he is securely in my arms, my omega safe from harm, I smile softly. Immediately, some of my pain fades into the background as my inner alpha soares at holding him close, happy that my touch helps ease the burning cinnamon stench of fear and guilt still coming from him.

After a few moments, an unexpected, content growl rumbles my chest, the deep, happy sound causing me to blush. 

That’s new...

I usually have much better control over my inner alpha’s instincts, a part of me always afraid of showing Gabriel the alpha’s deeper desires and feelings that, somehow, often parallel my own emotions. 

I would be absolutely devastated if my inner alpha scared him away or reminded him of our knot-head alpha brothers. 

"Calm down, Big Guy," Gabriel mutters playfully with a loud, happy chuckle as he places a hand on my chest, his mirth causing me to smile too.

"Sorry, but the alpha wants what he wants," I reply with a smirk, feeling even more content when Gabriel giggles softly.

It takes a few seconds but, after I realize we are still able to joke around with each other despite what happened, I feel immensely relieved. 

It would appear as though not everything has been horribly ruined, at least. 

After what just happened… I wasn’t sure if either of us would smile around each other again.

My smile fades almost as suddenly as it came, leaving a pronounced frown in its wake. 

How am I supposed to talk about what Gabriel just did to me? 

Thankfully, or maybe unthakfully, Gabriel tenses in my arms, his laughter fading as he notices my sudden change in mood, no doubt my scent souring noticeably. 

"Alright, we need to talk about what just happened,” I say bluntly, deciding to just bite the bullet rather than laying here, stewing in my anxiety any longer. “I know you hate these kinds of conversations, but we have to talk. And, before you say we already talked, we need to discuss how we will move forward.”

The second I finish talking, Gabriel quickly says in a rushed, panicked tone, “Cassie, I'm so sorry! I-I didn't mean it. I don't know what came over me, but that wasn’t me. You know that wasn’t me! I’d never intentionally hurt you, you gotta know that! This was an accident, I swear!”

When finally stops his loud and scared stream of words, I open my mouth to assure him that I know he would never hurt me, but the words die in my throat, only a weary sigh escaping.

Because, even though I love Gabriel with all my heart, there is no way I can truthfully say that I know I am not in danger around him. 

After all, he hurt me so badly that even he thought he had killed me! 

How can I even begin to pretend that I am not afraid of the hand still on my chest, painfully close to my battered face, isn’t bothering me? 

How can I pretend like I know it wasn’t him when those unmistakable brown eyes were so filled with hatred and maliciousness as his fists endlessly rained down on me?

No matter how hard he tries to deny it now, I know what I saw. At that moment, Gabriel, my omega, my little brother, truly wanted to hurt me. 

There is nothing else I can blame it on. 

Even though he was angry and hurting, that is no excuse to turn my face into a bloody mess.

It took nearly being killed by Gabriel to see how toxic he can be but, now that I have seen it, seen the way he hurts me, then cries and begs and pleads until I relent, I can’t unsee it.

I have to stop this! 

I can't let this happen again!

After all, even Gabriel himself doesn’t know why he stopped hurting me…

There is no telling if he will stop in time in the future.

Because, even though I loathe to admit it, I know there will be a next time if this goes untreated. 

He has so much anger and hatred for our brothers and father, but he can’t touch them. 

He can only take out his anger on me. 

And, all this time, I have been stupid enough to let him.

Gabriel is so angry that he is willing to hurt his own brother, the only person who has ever tried to protect him from harm. 

Meanwhile, I am so scared of losing Gabriel that I have become his punching bag, letting him hurt me and then accepting whatever excuse he comes up with afterward.

Even though, after our conversation in the bathroom, I am no longer scared of pushing him away, I fear that the damage has already been done.

In fact, by telling him how much I love him, I may have just made this situation worse for myself.

Granted, I enjoy knowing that he loves me too, but that love may come at a price

After all, now that he knows how much I love him, how much I need him, he might think that he can get away with more.

If he knows that I can’t live my life without him, doesn’t that mean he can hurt me even worse than he did tonight without consequences? 

He could do so much worse to me now that he knows I won’t punish him, even when he does something this awful...

Oh, Bobby Singer, I hope you can help us mend this broken situation!

God knows how badly we need it. 

"Cassie?” Gabriel asks in a loud, panicked voice that rips me from my musings, continuing as he grabs my wrist and clutches it tightly. “I would never hurt you on purpose! I promise!"

While taking a long, deep breath to steel myself, channeling some of the anger belonging to my inner alpha, I say as firmly as I can, “Gabe, we both know that you are lying. This isn't the first time you have seriously hurt me, so, for the sake of both of our sanity, stop denying it and just listen to me.”

"I… I don't know what you're talking about, Cassie. I've never hurt you before like this," Gabriel insists, his tone taking on a pleading edge.

"What about when you pushed me down the stairs at school?" I harshly ask, unable to stop myself now that the anger has started coursing through my veins. "I broke my left arm, sprained my ankle, and had a severe concussion. Because you got mad and pushed me. Just like tonight, when you got mad and punched me for who knows how long."

"Cassie-" Gabriel starts in that same loud, panicked tone, but I can't take it.

"Stop!" I demand in a raised voice, instantly cutting off his words. "Please, just let me talk. After what just happened to me, I think I deserve that much from you."

For a few seconds, Gabriel is silent but has his mouth open wide, making me think that he will protest again. 

Thankfully, he finally purses his lips into a firm line before nodding his head in acquiesce.

"Thank you," I whisper with a sad, barely-there smile, grateful that I won't have to fight him over this anymore. 

After releasing a heavy sigh, I quietly continue, "I know we have had this conversation in the past, but this time I refuse to let us brush this off. I apologize in advance for my bluntness, but we both know that you could have killed me. Before I was able to break free enough to block my face, I truly thought you would beat me until I died."

I pause when Gabriel releases a low, pained whine, the sound of it causing me to wrap my arms around him tighter, wanting to reassure him, but knowing that I can’t stop now before I lose my nerve.

"Thankfully, something stopped you," I say slowly and quietly, hating the shaky waver in my voice that is so un-alpha-like. "Neither of us knows why you stopped, but it certainly wasn’t because of anything I said or did as I tried so many times to get you to leave me alone. Because of this, I can't trust that you will catch yourself in time if something similar occurs again. I have no idea what set you off or why you hurt me, but I am terrified that you will do it again."

"W-What are you going to do to me?" Gabriel asks in a fearful whisper, the sound of him so scared causing my heart to ache. “Y-You p-promised me you w-wouldn’t send me away...”

I did this...

I made him this scared...

Wait… no... he did this to himself, didn’t he?

If he hadn't hurt me, we wouldn't be having this conversation...

But if our family hadn't hurt him, we wouldn't be in this mess to begin with... 

If our fathers and brothers hadn’t abused him, he wouldn’t have all this pent up anger…

Who’s fault is it then?

Is it everyone's?

Is it no one's?

And, if there is no clear fault, is there even any way to fix this?

Well, there might be one way…

Bobby Singer.

Please, don’t let me down...

"Gabe, I did promise you that, and I will not break it," I say in a reassuring tone as I move my hand, releasing his tight grip on my wrist to instead hold his shaking hand in my own, not wanting him to ever be afraid of me hurting him or sending him away from here.

Once he nods his head in understanding, but sadly, his trembling has yet to subside, I squeeze his hand and hesitantly continue, "What I am going to do is bring us both to therapy."

When Gabriel loudly and dramatically groans, suddenly seeming to drop all his fear in favor of annoyance, I snap at him, "No, we are not starting this again! You know how much I hate using my authority to coerce you into doing something, but this is important. As your alpha, I am making this decision for us. We are not put off therapy until you kill someone and I lose you forever."

"D-do you really think that?" Gabriel asks sadly, confusion, uncertainty, and betrayal all clouding his quiet words. "You think I'll become a murderer if I don't go to therapy?"

After releasing a heavy sigh, I hesitantly mutter, "Gabe, I love you so much, but I can’t deny that I am scared of you now. I don't know if I will ever forget the feeling of your fists hitting me without relent, the thoughts of ‘this is how I die’ coursing through my mind amidst the panic. If you could easily overpower me in such a way, I worry what you may do to an omega or beta smaller than you. I hate to question if you are capable of murder, but it would be even worse to discover that my suspicions are true."

By the end of my words, Gabriel is quietly sobbing into my arms, the sound of his tears making me feel like an absolute monster.

I did this...

I made him cry...

As he continues crying, I think about calling all this off, but I stop myself.

I have done this before.

After the stair incident, I suggested he get therapy. 

He cried for hours until I finally gave in and said he didn't have to go. 

I can't do that again!

I have to be a strong alpha!

For myself and Gabriel.

Several minutes later, when his crying ceases, I hesitantly begin, "The therapist is named Bobby Singer and he specializes in omega therapy-"

"That's a thing?!" Gabriel asks incredulously, seeming absolutely shocked that someone would want to be a therapist for just omegas.

With a sad chuckle, I quietly say, "Yes, Gabe, some people truly want to help omegas. Bobby is a beta, but he aids so many omegas with trauma recovery. Mrs. Winchester is the one who recommended we see him."

"Wait, our math teacher told you a therapist we should go to? Why the hell would she do that?" Gabriel angrily asks, his words causing me to realize with dread that I never told him how I shared our past with her.

"She is terribly worried about us," I quietly say as I pull back from our embrace to meet his eyes, wanting him to understand the seriousness of this. "She told me that you punched a student in her class and flipped a desk. She is concerned about both of us and recommended we go see Bobby. He doesn't meet with alpha's, but she will talk to him about helping me too. I need to talk to someone about our awful past, and I think you should as well."

For a long time, Gabriel is completely silent, the only sounds in the room are our breaths, each one much too fast and sporadic to be healthy, both of us seeming to be trapped in nerves and anxiety caused by this terrible situation. 

Just when I think Gabriel must have fallen asleep because it has been silent for so long, he quietly whispers, "Okay, I'll go see Bobby."

While smiling widely, I hug him tighter and happily say, "Thank you, Gabe, that truly means a lot to me!"

"Of course, Cassie," Gabriel says with a soft sigh, seeming very reluctant but, thankfully, still agreeing. "You do so much shit for me and never ask for anything in return. I can at least do this for you."

I just smile wider in response, so happy that he actually agreed. I thought that, quite literally, I would need to drag him down to Bobby's office to get him to talk to someone. 

This is a much more pleasant outcome!

Knowing that he is willing to get help takes a huge weight off my shoulders, making me feel like I can finally fall asleep happy for once.

"I love you," I whisper sleepily as I let my eyes drift shut, a soft smile still on my face.

"Love you too, Cassie. Sleep well," Gabriel whispers in return as he snuggles against my chest, seeming like he is ready to drift off to sleep too.

As I hold Gabriel in my arms, my pain nothing more than a dull hum, I begin to feel hope for the future for once. Instead of just trying to survive long enough to get through school, we are actively taking steps to get better. To overcome our horrible past. And, even though I am certain that this will be a long, grueling journey, maybe we will be okay.

Maybe we will all be okay in the end.

Chapter Text

Dean’s pov

Sleeping.

Waking.

Peaceful.

Painful.

Stay.

Leave.

As I seem to drift in and out of worlds, not quite dead but not all their either, those words run through my mind.

Comforted by the fact that I’m sleeping, but knowing that soon I’ll be awake.

Enjoying the peacefulness at the moment, but knowing it will soon become nothing but pain.

Wanting to stay in this blissful world, but feeling a strong, undeniable pull to return, like something calling me back to the land of the living despite knowing what horrors I will soon face.

I don’t want to go though...

I want to stay in the world between worlds, the one in which I’m not dead, but I also don’t feel any of my pain.

It’s such a nice feeling...

To know that I’m alive, but not be consumed by the pain that fills my every waking moment. 

Imagine that…

To really be alive and live each day without feeling like I could die from my pain at any moment…

I quickly push that thought away, knowing that those types of ideas, with no sort of realism to them, will drive me insane.

I might be in pain, but at least I’m still alive.

Wait…

How the hell am I alive?!

The last thing I remember is walking through the woods for what felt like a lifetime, knowing it was useless, but still moving forward.

How can I go from that to slowly waking up, no one yelling at me to stop lazing around?

Suddenly, my pain hits me full-force, the white-hot agony tearing a loud, wounded groan from my throat.

Everything hurts like fucking hell!

My shoulder pulses with agony, each sharp burst of pain making me feel like someone is squeezing my abused shoulder to cause me more pain.

And maybe they are…

Usually, they like to taunt me as they hurt me, but maybe this is the silent type of alpha.

Those ones are always the worst.

They act silent, unthreatening, then they lash out in anger without a word or warning.

Their wicked smile is the only sign of their true feelings as they hurt me, showing me that, just like everyone else, they enjoy making me suffer.

Although, if there really is a silent alpha hurting me, why does the rest of me not hurt as badly.

Of course, I still hurt literally everywhere, but, except for Azazel’s parting gifts, the pain is significantly less.

Instead of a continuous state of agony in every part of my body, it’s now just a dull ache.

Does that mean I’m healing?

Why the hell would I be healing though?

There’s never enough time between beatings for the bruises to even begin to fade, let alone for my muscles to feel less abused and battered.

So, apparently, I’m not dead and I hurt less than usual…

That... sounds too good to be true…

Deciding that I need to get to the bottom of this, I shift slightly and experimentally, finding that, unlike the hard ground that I usually sleep on, this surface is soft and doesn’t scrape painfully against my side as I move.

This surface also has a slight, unmistakable bounce that causes my breath to get caught in my throat, hating being here more than anything else.

I’m on a bed…

And being on a bed can only mean two things: someone is going to fuck me, or someone already fucked me.

I don’t feel as sore down there as I usually do, so that must mean…

This alpha is going to fuck me…

Oh god, I have to get out of here!

Slowly, I try to sit up but, before moving even an inch off the bed, I fall back, crying out in agony as unbearable pain flares through my back and shoulder.

God, I forgot how badly Azazel fucked me up…

There’s no way I can get out of here…

Even if my leg wasn’t broken and I could walk, with a fucking bullet in my back and a knife wound in my dislocated shoulder, there’s no way I can even get out of bed, let alone find somewhere safe.

It’s over…

This alpha is going to fuck me and, with how badly I’m wounded, it’s going to hurt so fucking bad!

No!

I don’t want this!

I can’t take this!

Please!

I have to get out of here!

Slowly, I try to sit up again, gritting my teeth against the onslaught of agony.

Somehow, I get into a sitting position, my vision darkening ruthlessly as my head swims from the pain, intense nausea rising up in me.

Now I just need to stand up…

That should be easier than sitting up, right?

As I try in vain to plan my escape in the least painful way, the bedroom door suddenly creaks open, the sound filling me with cold, bone-chilling dread.

I’m too late!

No!

This alpha is here and he’s going to see sitting up in bed he’ll see that I’m not where he put me and he’ll get even madder than he already is and he’s gonna hurt me so badly and he’s gonna fuck me and I don’t fucking want it and I just don’t want to be hurt but he’s gonn-

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, Little Omega,” a soft, worried voice calls out from the door, the sound of his voice, although it isn’t cold and commanding like most alphas, instantly fills me with fear.

“Let’s get you laying down again,” the alpha says, his kind tone not tricking me for even a second, knowing that he just wants me to lay down so he can fuck me easier.

Even though begging never works, I plead desperately through absolute terror as tears stream down my cheeks, “N-No, Alpha, pl-please, n-not tonight. I… I-I’ll be good, b-b-but please, n-not n-now.”

“Oh, Sweetheart,” the alpha says just as softly... sadness... clearly heard in his tone, the unmistakable sound confusing me.

Why the hell would an alpha feel sad about me begging?!

They usually like it when I cry and beg…

Makes them feel powerful to know that I’m completely at their mercy and can’t do jack shit to protect myself.

Before I can spend any more time dwelling on this strange alpha, I’m met with a sweet, beautiful scent, like a candy store filled with delicious goods just beside a bakery, the two scents mingling together into something delicious, but not horribly potent like alpha’s scents.

Wait…

Does that mean…

This isn’t an alpha…

He’s... an... omega?

“Y-You’re an omega?” I ask softly, hesitantly, knowing that, if this man really is an alpha, I’m gonna get the shit kicked out of me for saying that.

Thankfully, without a moment's hesitation and a smile heard in his kind voice, the man says, “Yeah, I’m an omega too and I’m here to help you. Will you let me lay you down again? I promise that I won’t hurt you.”

“O-Okay,” I shakily whisper, my head spinning over this realization.

This stranger isn’t an alpha like I thought…

He’s an omega…

Just like me…

I’ve never really met another omega…

At Alastair’s estate, I saw them, but they never spoke to me, fearing that they would get in trouble for talking to Alastair’s favorite plaything.

Right now though, there’s another omega here.

And he said that he won’t hurt me…

That he wants to help me…

Damn…

I don’t know what I did to deserve this, but I hope it lasts a long time…

Carefully and tenderly, the omega grabs my unhurt shoulder, seeming to purposefully avoid touching my other one, which immediately fills me with gratitude.

No one has ever gone out of their way to not hurt me… 

Well… at least not since I presented.

God, that feels like a fucking lifetime ago…

I can’t afford to think about that distant time...

Now that he has a firm, yet gentle grip on me, he slowly and carefully helps me lay down again.

Somehow, he’s slow enough that, unlike earlier when I sat up, laying back down doesn’t hurt at all, making me feel even more grateful for this omega.

He easily could have hurt me there…

He could have accidentally touched my battered shoulder, could have just pushed me onto the bed to get it over with, but he didn’t do any of that.

He was careful...

He was kind…

No one ever acts that way toward me...

Damn, is it wrong to already like this omega?

I don’t even know his name, but I already don’t want him to leave.

Suddenly, I’m pulled from my thoughts as a gentle hand lands in my hair and, before I can even tense up in fear of him grabbing and pulling hard, he begins carding his fingers through my hair.

Against my will, a small, shaky whine escapes my throat, preening at the soft, sweet touches that I’ve wanted to feel for so long, but I’ve been taught that omegas don’t deserve to be treated this nicely.

At least, they don’t deserve to be treated this nicely by other alphas.

But… Maybe there’s no rule that omegas can't be kind to each other.

As he continues playing with my hair, I smile softly, the sensations so sweet and beautiful and comforting and they make me feel safe.

Safe…

Safe…… 

Fuck!

This can’t happen!

I can’t afford to feel safe!

Even around this omega…

If I feel safe…

Being hurt by him will be a thousand times more painful.

His touch feels so fucking wonderful, but I can’t do this again.

Alastair used to touch me like this sometimes and it just made his torture sessions so much worse.

As he dragged his favorite long, jagged knife against my thighs, all I could think about was the ways he had touched me so nicely earlier that day.

I can’t deal with those mind games again.

They’ll break me.

Even though it takes considerable effort to not only find my voice, but also to make his amazing caresses come to an end, I shakily ground out, “S-St-Stop, pl-please.”

Without a moment's hesitation, the omega untangles his hand from my hair, the loss of his warm, gentle hand makes me whine pathetically again.

Get a grip, Winchester!

Quit being such a pathetic, needy omega!

“If you want me to touch you like that again, all you have to do is ask,” the omega says in a soft, sincere tone, his words causing a violent shiver to wrack my spine, imaging a world where, simply because I want a nice touch, he’ll give it to me.

God this omega is gonna fuck me up worse than anyone…

“I’m gonna sit by the door, if that’s okay with you,” the omega softly says as his gentle, light footsteps move across the room.

Now that he isn’t right next to me, his sweet, wonderful scent no longer invading my nose, I feel like I can breathe again, that I can think clearly and logically again.

With him safely sitting by the door, at least ten feet between us, in a sudden bout of bravery, I quietly ask the omega, “Why is it so dark in here?”

“It’s super early in the morning,” the omega says bluntly and casually, as if he couldn’t just turn on the lights and make it less dark. “We’re up before the sun even, which is very uncool.”

This omega doesn’t seem to like early mornings, good to know.

That means, when I’m better healed, the early mornings before he wakes up will be a good time to do my chores.

With my bravery still not fading, deciding to test my boundaries with this omega and see how he responds to me wanting something, I ask just as quietly, “Can you turn on a light or something? I have no idea where I am and it’s really dark and I’m kinda freaking out...”

“Sorry, Kiddo, but no can do,” the omega says and, surprisingly, he sounds genuinely remorseful and guilty despite his casual words. “We don’t have any electricity right now and my phone died from using my flashlight earlier to help patch you up.”

What?!

What kind of person doesn’t have electricity?!

I thought everyone in the United States had electricity…

Oh my god, are we not in the United States then?!

“Hey, Omega, take a deep breath, it’s okay,” the omega says in a calm, reassuring tone, his words causing me to realize that my breaths are small, sporadic puffs that make me feel a little lightheaded.

Just like he asked, I take a deep breath, then another, the more rhythmic and regular breathing helping me calm down. 

When I finally feel less like I could pass out at any moment, I ask in a small, timid voice, “W-Where are we?”

Please, don’t say outside the U.S….

I don’t know if I’ll ever find Sammy if we’re in Russia or someplace so far away.

“We’re on the outskirts of Lawrence, Kansas,” the omega informs me without hesitation, his words causing my heart to stop, my breath getting caught in my throat as the reality of his words sink in.

I’m still here…

I’m still close to Sammy…

Oh my god, I could actually find him…

Holy fuck…

Maybe I really will get to see him again…

“Hey, Little Omega, what’s wrong?” the omega asks, his words surprising me for a few moments, but then I feel the dampness on my cheeks.

Oh, I guess I started crying…

“I…” I start off slowly, but then trail off, unsure of how honest I should be with him.

Finally, deciding to just bite the bullet and hope he won’t hurt me with this knowledge, I continue with a sniffle, “I grew up in Lawrence… I… I might be able to see my family again.”

“Oh, Sweetie,” the omega sadly says, his pet name, while normally would make me bristle like Alastair’s mocking ones, causes me to smile softly. “When you’re better healed, we’ll find your family.”

Once again, my heart seems to stop, my whole world no longer spinning upon hearing his words.

The unmistakable confidence…

The unmistakable promise…

Not only is he going to let me heal but, once I do, we’ll find them…

He didn’t say that he will help me find them…

He didn’t say that he will try to find them…

He said that we will find them…

Oh my god, is this real?!

Could this omega really help me find Sammy and mom again?!

That… sounds amazing…

Please, don’t be lying to me, Omega.

I would do anything to see them again…

“T-That would mean the world to me,” I whisper as the tears fall faster, just the thought of seeing mom and Sammy again filling me with immeasurable happiness.

“We’ll do it then,” the omega says with such certainty and confidence that I can’t help but giggle softly and happily, unable to believe how fucking lucky I am.

Even though a small voice in the back of my mind screams at me not to trust him, I can’t help but believe him, believe that, because this man is an omega too, he wouldn’t lie to me or try to hurt me.

“Thank you,” I say with more sincerity than those words have held in so many years combined, feeling so fucking grateful that this omega found me and saved my life.

“You’re welcome,” the omega says without hesitation, a smile heard clearly in his voice.

After a few moments of silence, the omega hesitantly says, “I’m sorry that you feel uncomfortable in the dark here, but there really isn’t anything I can do until the sun comes up. My brother and I are really poor and couldn’t pay for electricity the last couple of months.”

“Shit, I’m sorry,” I whisper sincerely, unable to believe that this kind omega and his brother struggle so badly financially that they can’t even afford electricity. “And I’m okay. I mean, I still think my old alpha might find me at every damn moment, but talking to you helps.”

The second I finish talking, I cringe, hating how needy and helpless that sounded, as if, without this omega’s voice, I’ll be terrified.

And, even if it’s true to some degree, that doesn’t mean he should know that.

“I’m glad,” the omega says with what sounds like a smile, his words instantly filling me with relief that he isn’t laughing at me or judging me. “I could talk for hours , so you’re in luck.”

I smile softly at his words, deciding that I really like this omega. 

Somehow, I like him even more when he continues, “And, if that fucker even dares to show up at my house, I’ll fucking kill him myself for what he did to you.”

For a few seconds, I just stare in the omega’s general direction in shock, unable to believe he just said that.

One, he just addressed an alpha by a curse word.

Two, he threatened an alpha, which is the fastest way to get killed.

Three, he called it my house, as if an omega can own anything, let alone something like a home.

Finally, he said he’d kill him for what he did to me .

He says that like he cares about me.

Like he’s worried about my well-being.

Like it upsets him that Alastair and Azazel were such awful people.

Holy fuck, what if he actually does?!

Oh my god, does this omega actually care about me?

There's no way though...

He doesn't even know me, so how could he care about me?

Unable to think about that any longer, I say in the most joking tone I can manage, “Are you sure you’re an omega?”

“I ask myself that every damn day, Kiddo,” the omega says with a heavy sigh, his words hitting too close to home that I wince softly, remembering all the times I’ve thought that myself. “Wait until you meet my alpha. I swear, he acts more like an omega than I do.”

Even though his last words were said with an easy-going chuckle, I don’t feel any sort of joy, his words suddenly making me feel terrified.

I’m so fucking stupid!

Why didn’t I think of this already?!

Even though this omega is wonderful, he has to have an alpha, one who will no doubt be just as cruel and merciless as the others.

Even though I already know what his response will be to my big question, I hesitantly and shakily ask, “Since you’re an omega, will you please be honest with me when I ask you this?”

“Sure thing!” The omega says in a cheery voice, his endless casual and kind tone a mystery to me, wondering how it could be possible to be so carefree and unafraid of speaking, especially as an omega. “Whatcha got?”

“Will your alpha hurt me?” I ask just as quietly, closing my eyes tightly as I brace myself for his answer, as if his words will hurt just as badly as the blows of his alpha that will surely rain down on me later.

“No, never!” The omega says adamantly, the conviction in his tone, paired with words that I never expected to hear, causes me to open my eyes in shock, wishing that it wasn’t too dark for me to see his face.

He… he has to be wrong…

There’s no way his alpha won’t hurt me…

He’s an alpha, for fuck’s sake!

All they know how to do is make omega’s lives miserable!

There’s no way…

Right?

Even though I know I shouldn’t even consider his words, I can’t help but quietly ask, “Really? He’s not gonna hurt me? Are you sure?”

“Look, I know it’ll be hard to believe, but Castiel isn’t like that,” the omega says with a heavy sigh, but there isn’t any sort of waver or uncertainty in his voice, telling me that he truly believes what he’s saying. “He doesn’t believe in hurting omegas, won’t even punish me when I fuck up.”

“Why?” I ask just as quietly, entirely at loss for why someone would be like that.

That’s always been their favorite part.

Whenever I fucked up, we all knew it, and I knew I would be in for hell.

They loved watching me beg as I tried to fix it, hoping that I could somehow lessen the pain that I knew would come soon.

Why would an alpha not want to punish their omega?!

That’s just the way it works!

If an omega fucks up, they get punished so they don’t make that mistake again…

Why would this alpha be any different?

“I don’t know, because he’s a fucking weirdo?” The omega says with a chuckle, his words shocking me even more than the previous.

I couldn’t believe he called Alastair a ‘fucker’ out loud but talking about his own alpha in such a way…

If I had tried that with Alastair, he would have cut out my tongue...

“Y-You talk about your alpha like that?!” I ask incredulously, unable to believe that it’s possible for an omega to speak like that and face no punishment.

“Oh yeah, all the damn time, he doesn’t do shit to me,” the omega says confidently and without hesitation, his words causing my jaw to drop open, unable to believe what I’m hearing, let alone that this is real . “Sometimes I’ll get mad and tell him to ‘fuck off’ and he just lets me. After I get all my anger out, he just calmly asks, ‘May we talk now?’ and then we do.”

“Is that a turn on for him or something?” I ask quietly after a few moments of thinking, finding that’s the only logical reason I can come up with for why an omega is allowed to yell at their alpha. “Does he like it when you yell like that?”

“Hell no, absolutely nothing turns him on!” The omega adamantly and loudly says with a hearty laugh, each thing he says makes me feel even more lost and confused. “I swear, he has the sex drive of a fucking brick wall.”

“And you’re sure he’s an alpha?” I ask after a few more moments of silence, thinking that that must be the only logical explanation.

Maybe this omega is just confused.

Maybe Castiel is just a beta, but this omega thinks he’s an alpha.

That’s gotta be the case...

There’s no way an alpha like him can exist...

It’s just not possible!

People like him just don’t exist!

“I ask myself that every damn day, Sweetheart,” the omega says with a soft chuckle, but this one sounds a little sad, like he wishes Castiel was different. “I’ve always been the one who acts more like an alpha, so it was quite a shock when he became an alpha and I was the only omega in the family. Even though he doesn’t act like it, just one whiff and you can tell what he is.”

But… How?

And why?

Alphas have all the power in the world, yet Castiel doesn’t hurt his omega even when he deserves it, lets him badmouth him, and doesn’t want to have sex?

What the fuck?!

Am I dead?!

This just can’t be real...

Knowing that I have to make absolutely sure that I understood him correctly, I quietly ask, “So, you’re telling me that I ended up in the home of an alpha who lets his omega yell at him without punishment and has no desire for anything sexual?”

“Well, when you put it like that, it sounds insane,” the omega says with another chuckle, his words suddenly making me angry, knowing that he must be trying to fuck with me.

What an asshole!

He told me I was safe, made me start to trust him, and now he’s lying to me about his alpha!

His alpha must be one cruel bastard for him to make this shit up!

“It is fucking insane!” I yell as loud as my sore throat will allow me to, wanting this omega to understand how fucking pissed I am at him lying to me. “This is all fucking insane! You expect me to believe that I went from nearly dying in the fucking woods to being in a house with an omega who isn’t afraid to speak his mind and an alpha who acts nothing like an alpha?! That just doesn’t happen!”

By the end of my words, I’m breathing heavily and shaking from rage, so angry at this omega for lying to me like this.

Surprisingly, instead of yelling at me in return or even commenting on my angry outburst, the omega calmly says, “No, it doesn’t normally happen but, as Cassie always likes to say, ‘Our universe is filled with many anomalies that we cannot fathom or even begin to explain.’ Castiel is definitely one of those things that can’t be explained. Every damn day I try to wrap my mind around why he’s the way he is, why he’s so damn kind to me even when I treat him like shit, but I can’t explain it.”

This omega… is serious?

He sure sounds like he believes his words…

How could that be possible though?

Alphas like this just don’t exist…

Also, who the fuck talks like that?!

It sounds like this omega is quoting a fucking textbook, not a real person!

Unable to get over the fact that such a strange alpha could speak like that, I hesitantly ask, “Does he really talk like that?”

“Oh yeah, like I said, he’s a fucking weirdo, but I still love him,” the omega says with a soft chuckle his words, coupled with his lack of anger at me yelling, make me smile minutely.

Is this actually real life?

Am I really talking to a fearless omega who can address his strangely-spoken, sex-repulsed alpha in such a way without punishment?

This is fucking insane… 

But, if by some crazy chance this alpha actually exists, I should probably learn more about him...

With all my anger fading by now, I quietly ask, “Am I allowed to ask how old your alpha is?”

“Sure, you can ask whatever the hell you want, Kiddo,” The omega says easily, his words causing me to smile fondly even though I dully wonder if he is calling someone older than him such a nickname. “Cassie loves answering questions, just make sure you never ask about bees, or else he'll try to spend an hour talking your ears off.”

“Bees?! As in the little bugs that fly from flower to flower?!” I ask incredulously, unable to believe the fact that this alpha is getting stranger by the minute.

Who the fuck can talk about bees for hours?!

That’s crazy!

This omega must be fucking with me...

“Yes, those are the ones!” The omega happily says with a loud bark of laughter, seeming genuinely elated to talk about his alpha like this. “And, those aren’t bugs, those are ‘magnificent creatures that dedicate their lives to preserving the ecosystem and granting us food.’”

Oh my god, this is all fucking insane!

“You’re joking!” I exclaim, knowing that that’s the only logical explanation, that, at any moment, the omega will stop this and tell me about his alpha for real.

“Nope, and get this…” The omega starts with a large smile heard in his voice and, once he trails off, I know that this must be the moment that he tells me I caught him and stops this charade.

“What?” I ask smugly, finally knowing what’s coming for once. 

“He’s only eighteen,” the omega says and, instead of cheering ‘I knew it’ like I planned to, my mouth drops open in shock, unable to believe that someone who talks like that could be about my age.

This strange alpha, who talks like a walking dictionary, is only eighteen?!

“Seriously?!” I ask loudly, my voice no doubt filled with disbelief, so shocked that I don’t consider confronting him about this story he’s creating. “I thought that he would be like thirty with the way he talks!”

“I know right?!” The omega asks with a laugh, his voice as loud and shocked as my own, as if he too can't believe that his alpha talks like that. “Nope, he’s just eighteen and a half! I swear, by the time he’s in his seventies he can probably recite the whole dictionary word for word.”

“Hell, he might even make his own dictionary by that time,” I say with a chuckle, the words flying out of my mouth before my brain-to-mouth filter could activate.

Oh, fuck!

I just made fun of an alpha!

I’m so dead!

How could I be so fucking stupid!

“I wouldn’t put anything past him,” the omega says with a sweet, melodic giggle, his words breaking me from my panicked spiral, the lack of anger in his voice instantly making me feel relieved.

He isn’t mad at me…

He really isn't...

Wow...

I’m so fucking glad!

I… I can’t believe this alpha is only eighteen…

He sounds like everything a teenager isn’t, everything an alpha isn’t…

Wait…

He’s a teenager ?

That… that means he’s in high school.

If this alpha really is, he probably gets eaten alive at school.

“He probably has a hell of a time in high school, doesn’t he?” I ask hesitantly, not imagining any type of scenario where someone who talks like that, even if he is an alpha, would be well-liked by his peers.

“Yeah, he really does,” the omega says with a heavy, suffering sigh, seeming genuinely sad and disappointed over the way his alpha’s school life is. “Between talking like a fucking dictionary and not acting like a regular alpha, he gets a lot of shit from everyone, even the few omegas at school bully him…”

Wait, what?!

An alpha is bullied ?!

And… by fucking omegas ?!

I didn’t even know that omegas could go to high school after presenting, but they have the nerve to bully an alpha?!

What kind of backward, fucked up world did I wake up in?!

“Are you fucking serious?!” I ask in a loud, shocked voice, too rooted in disbelief to remember that I shouldn’t curse, even in front of an omega. “Your alpha lets omegas at school bully him?!”

“I wish it wasn’t true, but yeah, he does,” this omega says, his voice is so sad and heartbroken that I want to get out of bed and hug him. “It fucking kills him inside to hear the things they say about him, especially when they talk shit about me, but he doesn’t do shit. He just walks through the hallways, trying not to cry as he pretends to not hear what they say.”

Then, with a sudden ferocity that I didn’t think omegas could be capable of, the omega angrily continues, “It makes me so fucking mad! I just want to give them all a piece of my mind and tell them all to fuck off because Cassie is the most amazing person in the world and doesn’t deserve that shit, but I can’t do anything because I’m his omega! The only times I’ve tried to stand up for him just made everything worse, so I just have to watch him suffer and I fucking hate it!”

Like a sudden epiphany, I realize that this is real.

The thought is shocking and honestly terrifying, but, for the first time, I genuinely take in his words and apply what he’s saying to a real person.

The omega’s reaction couldn’t be faked. 

His anger permeates the air, as though, instead of his scent being filled with warm, freshly baked bread, he is now the fire, roaring, angry, and hot, ready to burn everything that stands in his way to the ground. 

Compared to other designations, it’s harder for omegas to get angry and become so furious that it transforms their scent, so there’s no way he’s faking it.

That means… this is actually real…

Oh my fucking god, this is real!

I really was saved by an omega who’s sweet, funny, and yet so fearless…

I’m really in the house of an alpha who, even though he talks weird, won’t hurt me or try to fuck me…

Oh my god…

“Hey, you okay over there?” The omega suddenly asks, his voice soft and filled with concern, the kindness in his tone bringing tears to my eyes. “I’m sorry if I scared you… I didn’t mean to yell, it just makes me so upset how everyone treats my brother.”

This omega is genuinely concerned about me…

He feels bad because he thinks he scared me…

He’s mad about the way people treat his alpha…

Oh my god, this is actually real!

As the wet, silent tears race down my cheeks, I choke out against the building tightness in my throat, “Y-You’re real . This is all real …”

“Oh, Sweetheart,” the omega says in a soft, sad tone as his footsteps quietly approach me, his term of endearment, knowing there is no malice or ulterior motives behind it, rips the first sob from my chest. “Do you want a hug?”

“Y-Yes,” I whisper without hesitation, something I would never dare to hope or ask for, both before and after I presented, but I want it so badly.

If this makes me weak, I don’t care!

I just realized that, for the first time since I presented, I’m safe.

I’m actually safe…

Moments later, I feel the bed dip slightly beside me, but, for once, it doesn’t scare me, doesn’t fill me with utter terror that someone is going to fuck me.

With this omega’s soft, sweet scent seeming to fill my entire world, how could I possibly be afraid of something like that happening?

Slowly and carefully, the omega reaches out an arm toward my face, but I don’t flinch, just continue watching him, noticing his beautiful, deep brown eyes for the first time in the dark.

With tenderness unlike anything I have ever known, the omega gently wipes away the tears trailing down my cheeks with the pad of his thumbs, his sweet gesture causing me to smile softly as I close my eyes in bliss.

Damn, I never thought that I could feel this good as an omega…

Just when I thought things couldn’t get any better, he drapes an arm over my upper back, pulling me close as he whispers, “You’re safe now, Little Omega.”

As my smile grows larger, I wrap my arms tightly around his back, clutching him for dear life as he holds me close to his chest.

For several moments, he holds me as I continue sobbing loudly and uncontrollably, all the years of hurt suddenly seeming to rush to me all at once, creating a never-ending cascade of tears.

Finally, when my tears run dry, only the occasional sniffle echoing within the bedroom, I release a long, shuddering sigh, feeling much lighter than I have in ages.

“Better?” The omega asks kindly as he continues holding me close, his other hand once again brushing away the last of my tears.

“Yeah, thank you,” I whisper and, even though my voice is weak, watery, and shaky, I hope he knows how much I mean it.

As I press my face more firmly against his chest, I realize how damp his shirt is, the wet cotton making me flush with shame and embarrassment.

I’m so disgusting…

While hoping that this omega doesn’t hate me for being this weak, I quietly and shamefully whisper, “I’m so sorry.”

“No, never apologize for needing a shoulder to cry on,” the omega adamantly says without hesitation, his words causing another onslaught of tears to rush to my eyes. “That’s something Cassie taught me.”

His alpha taught him that not only is it okay to cry, but that it’s okay to cry on someone?

Castiel just keeps getting stranger and stranger…

But… he also sounds really nice...

“You really love him, don’t you?” I ask softly, never picturing an omega loving their alpha so much, especially without being mated to them.

“I love him with all my heart,” the omega whispers without hesitation, a small part of me wishing that, maybe one day, someone will talk about me with such unmistakable fondness. “Every day I wonder what I did to deserve someone as amazing as him. I wonder what we all did to deserve someone as beautiful on the inside and out as my Cassie.”

Then, while cupping the side of my face and lifting my gaze to meet his, our eyes locking in an intense gaze, the omega continues, “Kiddo, I promise you that this isn’t some Stockholm Syndrome shit. He’s a genuinely good person. Hell, he’s probably a better person than anyone else you’ll meet for the rest of your life. He helps people without question, simply because they need it. That’s what he did for you.”

“W-What do you mean?” I ask shakily and hesitantly, still reeling from the obvious love this omega shows so easily for his alpha, my brain hardly able to process that this alpha helped me already.

“He’s the reason you’re alive right now,” the omega says softly and slowly and, despite his gentleness, it feels like a bomb has just gone off, shattering my entire world. “I mean, sure, I’m the one who stitched up your wounds and kept you from bleeding out, but he brought you to me.”

This alpha… saved my life?

He brought me to this omega so I could live?

Why?

“I-I don’t understand,” I whisper quietly as I continue looking the omega in the eyes, so hopelessly lost and confused and unable to think of a single reason why an alpha would save me.

After all, this alpha already has a wonderful omega…

And this omega said that Castiel has no interest in sex, so it can’t be for that either…

What could I possibly offer him?

Why would he save me?

It doesn’t make any sense...

“About one in the morning Cassie woke up because he heard a scream,” the omega says even more gently and, even though I know I’m safe now, I shiver, remembering the pain and agony that caused me to scream as I fell onto the dirt. “He didn’t even think about staying in bed and ignoring it, he just grabbed his shoes and phone for a flashlight and ran out the door. He walked for over an hour to save you.”

“H-He what?!” I ask loudly, shocked that anyone would even want to save me, let alone go through so much trouble to do so.

“Yeah, once he heard you scream, he wasn’t going to give up on you, no matter how long it took,” the omega says, his voice filled with love and pride. “Most people would have called it quits, just said you were dead to ease their mind and go back to sleep. Not Cassie though. He told me he woke up around one, but, when I checked when he called me, it was nearly three in the morning. He was out there for a long time to save you.”

This alpha spent hours trying to save me…

How can this be real?

How can someone as kind as him exist when absolute assholes like Azazel and Alastair roam this Earth.

“But… he doesn’t even know me,” I whisper weakly, still failing to wrap my mind around why he would try so hard to save me .

I can understand Castiel trying so hard to save this wonderful omega, but not me…

I don’t deserve it...

“That doesn’t matter to him,” the omega says simply and dismissively, as if the thought of Castiel saving only someone he knows and loves is absurd. “All he knew is that someone needed help and, as the only people living here for miles, he tried his damndest to find you. He carried you all the way home and, once you both got here, he begged that I helped him.”

Wait…

What the fuck?!

Did he say ‘begged’?!

As in, an alpha begged anyone to do something?!

“An alpha begged you, and omega, to do something?!” I ask incredulously, my words coming out harsher than I intended, but the thought is just so mind-boggling to me.

“Yeah, Cassie really is an alpha only in name, nothing else,” the omega says with a soft chuckle, his eyes sparkling with amusement at my shocked words. “Instead of demanding that I help, or even using his alpha voice to force me, he waited until I agreed, which, I hate to say, really took a lot in me to do.”

“That’s insane,” I whisper in awe, unable to believe that this alpha, who saved my life, waited for this omega to agree before doing anything.

“That’s not even all of it,” the omega says, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes, making it seem like he’s greatly enjoying this right now.

“Of fucking course there’s more!” I shout in annoyance, already feeling so damn guilty and grateful to this alpha, but he has to add on more. “As if he couldn’t sound any more perfect, there just has to be more!”

Suddenly, the omega stiffens in my arms, a sharp, shaky inhale seeming to get caught in his throat.

“Please, don’t call him that,” the omega whispers, his voice tight and forced, like he’s trying hard to conceal… something...

“But…” I start hesitantly, hoping that I don’t regret saying this out loud. “He sounds like every omega’s dream alpha, minus the way he talks.” 

Does this omega not think his alpha is perfect?

He sounds like the most wonderful person in the world to me...

“This might be hard for you to believe, but he’s fucked up in the head,” the omega says in that same tight tone, but this time there’s some sadness in his voice too. “Like, seriously.”

Wait, what?!

His alpha, who sounds kinder and more amazing than any alpha I’ve ever heard of… is fucked up?

How?

I don’t believe it...

“W-What?” I ask hesitantly, unable to understand how the man he described could have any sort of trauma, any reason to not be perfect in this omegas eyes.

“I don’t want to get too deep into it but, to make a long story short, my eldest brothers and father were not happy about me presenting as an omega. Instead of being family, I became the family fucktoy,” the omega quietly says, a faraway look in his eyes, no doubt flooded by so many awful memories.

Oh my god…

This omega’s family , his own flesh and blood, fucked him?

I thought John was the biggest asshole on the planet for selling me to Alastair, but I guess it could have been so much worse...

“Cassie found out and he was so fucking pissed,” the omega says in a slightly firmer tone, his words causing me to laugh bitterly, knowing that anyone in their right mind would be livid to find a family member being treated so horribly. “That’s the only time I’ve ever seen him stand up to our father. After Cassie finished yelling, our father dragged me into the room and threw me onto his bed. Our brothers held Cassie down and forced him to watch as he… well, you can guess what happened.”

“Oh my god…” I whisper under my breath in horror, unable to imagine going through something that traumatic, especially while being forced to watch it happen but unable to do anything.

If that was Sammy…

Oh my fucking god, I would have lost my mind if something like that happened to him…

As if reading my thoughts, the omega curiously asks, “Do you have any siblings?”

Not expecting him to ask me that, my breath gets caught in my throat, forgetting how to breathe at the thought of having to tell him about Sammy.

What if he tries to hurt him?!

I couldn’t live with myself if that happened…

Although…

This omega hasn’t hurt me yet…

He even promised to help me find Sammy someday…

Would it really be that bad to answer his question?

After all, I could just not tell this omega his name…

And… even if he knew Sammy’s name, I don’t think he would hurt him.

While taking a deep breath to steel myself, hoping with all my heart that I don’t regret this, I shakily whisper. “Yeah, I’ve got a little brother.”

“Thank you, I’m sure that was hard to share, but I appreciate it,” the omega beams, his large smile, holding no sort of malice or ill intent, makes me smile softly, feeling a surge of pride at pleasing this omega so much. “Cassie is my older brother and he feels protective over me like I imagine you do for your little brother.”

That’s an understatement.

I’d die to keep Sammy safe.

And, even though it’s hard to believe an alpha would care so much about his omega brother, I can’t help but think that Castiel would probably die for his little brother too.

When I nod in understanding, feeling for the first time like I might actually fully understand something an alpha feels, the omega sadly continues, “Well, for five and a half months he had to watch his little brother get beaten and fucked by his own family. He knew I was hurting, that I was dying inside, but he couldn’t do a damn thing to help me until he turned eighteen.”

“Fuck,” I whisper with a pained sigh, unable to imagine even one day of Sammy suffering like that, let alone 5 months . 

“Yeah,” the omega sadly says, sounding like he’s on the brink of tears, his pain causing me to hold him tighter, wanting to comfort him after the hell he’s been through. “So, like I said earlier, he sure as hell ain’t perfect. We trade off each night, taking turns comforting each other when one of us wakes up screaming from our nightmares. On paper, he might sound amazing, but he’s got more baggage than anyone can handle. We both do.”

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper sincerely as a few silent tears slip down my cheeks, both moved and saddened by this omega’s past.

Sure, my past is shitty as hell, but I know that my family loves me.

Other than John’s initial betrayal of selling me like a fucking animal, I know that mom and Sammy love me.

Without a doubt, they haven’t stopped thinking about me this whole time I’ve been gone.

If, instead of selling me, John had done something like that… I don’t think I could have taken it.

If he did even a fraction of what Alastair had done to me, I would have lost it.

I’d be nothing.

Not only did this omega’s father do that to him, but his brothers too…

I couldn’t even imagine getting angry and punching Sammy, let alone abusing him like this poor omega.

If Sammy did something like that to me…

I’d rather die than be hurt by him like that, to watch the person I’d risk my entire life for turn so cruel.

Is that how this omega feels?

Did he struggle with death, not wanting to be alive because his family hurt him so badly, but staying for Castiel?

This poor omega…

When the omega says nothing in response to my apology, I hesitantly ask, “How old are you?”

“Sixteen,” the omega whispers and, if we were farther away, I wouldn’t have been able to hear him, his words nothing more than a ghost of his pained past.

“Oh my fucking god, you’re sixteen?!” I ask loudly in alarm, knowing that my reaction won’t help anything, but unable to believe how badly this omega has suffered while this young.

I mean, sure, Alastair fucked me when I was sixteen.

But he was just one person.

I could handle him.

I hated him.

I couldn’t imagine being so young and watching my family, the people I loved , turning into abusive monsters who wanted to fucking rape me.

And, maybe they didn’t see it as rape.

Maybe his fucked up father just thought he was taking what was rightfully his, but that’s wrong .

It’s so wrong.

What Alastair did to me, I can’t see it as rape.

Sure, I fucking hated every moment of it, but he owned me.

He could legally do whatever he wanted with me.

But this omega was just a kid .

He was their kid for fuck’s sake!

They had no right to do that to him!

“Yeah, I’m sixteen, sweet sixteen as they say,” the omega says bitterly, his words so filled with sadness that I just want to hold him forever and keep him safe from harm.

Damn…

I’m already feeling so protective of this sweet omega and I literally just met him…

I can’t even imagine what Castiel feels, especially after going through this hell too.

“I don’t even know what to say…” I whisper sadly, closing my eyes against the tears still falling softly, feeling like my heart is shattering for this poor omega.

“Then don’t say anything,” the omega snaps with a harshness that shocks me, wondering how he could be anything but devastated and heartbroken right now over his past. “I didn’t tell you this because I wanted your sympathy. I told you this because I couldn’t stand you thinking of Castiel as perfect.”

The omega pauses when I wince softly, feeling guilty for assuming that about his alpha.

He just sounded so… nice… and amazing… and like the kind of alpha I’ve hardly dared to even think about, one who would rather hold me than fuck me senselessly.

I shouldn’t have assumed anything though.

He sounded too good to be true, and that’s because he really is.

In a firm, but less angry and harsh tone, the omega meets my eyes and continues, “Cassie is the most fucked up person I have ever met, but I still love him with all my heart. He tries to be perfect, tries to be a perfect alpha, but he’s so far from even being an alpha, let alone a perfect one. It destroys him to know how far off from perfect he really is. So, please, don’t think of him like that. I’m not going to ask much of you, but please, do this for me. He’s already so hard on himself and, if you expect perfection from him, he’s gonna fuck up ten times in the first few minutes of knowing you and you’ll be disappointed. He physically can’t handle knowing that he has disappointed another person, especially when he tried so hard to help you live.”

Damn, if I hadn’t already felt guilty, his words sure as hell would have made me feel that way...

“I won’t, I promise,” I adamantly say without hesitation, wanting him to know that I understand, that I won’t unfairly judge them anymore. 

“Thank you,” the omega whispers, a soft, genuine smile on his face, the sight of it causing me to smile back in return. 

After a few moments of silence, my curiosity eating me away, I hesitantly ask, “You said earlier that that’s not all he did for me?”

“Yep, he sure did more,” the omega says with an even larger smile, that same fondness entering his eyes as he speaks of his alpha. “Do you know what hemophobia is?”

Wait, what?

That really isn’t where I thought this conversation was going.

“Isn’t that like the fear of blood or some shit?” I ask uncertainly, knowing that I’ve heard that word before, but unable to remember exactly.

“Exactly!” the omega beams, his excitement over the fear of blood making me feel both confused and slightly concerned for this omega’s overall mental health. “Unlike most phobias though, it stems just beyond the fear and can cause serious physical reactions, such as fainting.”

Oh shit, that sounds awful…

But why the hell is he telling me this?

He certainly doesn’t seem like he’s afraid of blood, especially since he said he stitched my wounds, which I still have to thank him for later.

Wait…

Does that mean…

Castiel is afraid of blood?

No way…

Needing to make sure my thought is correct, I hesitantly ask, “ Is Cas hemophobic?”

“Bingo!” the omega exclaims with false cheeriness. “Also, love the nickname, I’m sure Cassie will like it much more than mine.”

Immediately, I blush and look away from him, not realizing that I gave Castiel a nickname…

Well, at least the omega likes it though…

So, Castiel is hemophobic…

I still don’t really understand why this omega is sharing this with me…

Wait a second…

Oh my god!

“I… must have been covered in blood when he found me,” I say in a horrified whisper, remembering the way the blood seemed to gush endlessly from the bullet wound in my back.

“Oh yeah, you definitely were,” the omega says nonchalantly and matter-of-factly, as if he’s talking about the upcoming weather forecast, not that his brother who’s afraid of blood found me literally bleeding out in the woods. “Cassie still carried you all the way back home and, instead of leaving me alone to deal with you like any other alpha would, he did everything he could to help me. God, he was on the brink of a panic attack three or four times while we worked on you, but he kept it together because he knew that you needed him.”

“He gets panic attacks?” I ask sadly and hesitantly, the thought of an alpha getting a panic attack has never crossed my mind before but, now that it has, I feel sick to my stomach and sad for Castiel.

“All the damn time. We’re lucky if we go a single day without one of us having a panic attack.”

Damn...

I can’t believe this...

Not only is there a kind, sweet alpha in this world, but he’s suffering so badly because of it.

He suffered because of me...

“He really saved my life,” I whisper in awe as I close my eyes tightly, trying to fight the new wave of tears threatening to fall at this alpha’s generosity, so unlike anything I’ve ever heard or seen from an alpha.

“He saved both of our lives,” the omega says with a soft, fond smile, his words filled with unmistakable pride for his alpha. “And I bet he’ll save more lives in the future too.”

Wow…

Despite their awful past, this alpha seems so amazing…

They both do…

How did I get so damn lucky?

“Will I be able to meet him soon?” I ask quietly and cautiously after a few more moments of thinking about my stroke of fortune, for the first time since I presented not feeling scared about the idea of meeting a new alpha.

“Yeah, you want to?” the omega asks, barely concealed hope in his voice as his eager gaze locks onto my own.

“I… I want to thank him for helping me,” I whisper softly, feeling heat rush to my cheeks, part of me embarrassed at the thought of genuinely thanking an alpha, but knowing that he certainly deserves it.

“Okay, great, I’m sure he’d really like that!” the omega beams happily with a soft chuckle, his words causing my smile to grow.

Abruptly, my smile fades when the omega sighs heavily and hesitantly says, “Just… I know thanking alphas usually means sucking them off, but please, for the love of god, don’t even suggest doing that or anything remotely sexual.”

“Why?” I ask quietly, fighting hard to take his words into account, but they go against everything Alastair and Azazel and every damn alpha I’ve ever met taught me.

“He’ll be terrified of you if you do that,” the omega says without hesitation, the conviction in his tone, especially in talking about an alpha being scared , leaves me feeling utterly confused and shaken.

“What?!” I ask loudly, unable to wrap my mind around how an alpha could be afraid of me trying to thank him in the only way I know how to. “Why?!”

“Well, not only does he have the sex drive of a fucking wall, but anything sex-related makes him uncomfortable,” the omega says with another heavy sigh, his words leaving me even more confused and rattled. “He loves being touched and cuddled, but the moment things get any sort of heated, he’s super uncomfortable. Honestly, I think it’s because he’s never seen that sex can be a good thing. His first time ever seeing anything sexual was when our father forced him to watch as he fucked me. Then he watched people force themselves on me for half a year. He doesn’t know that sex can be enjoyed by two fully consenting people. Even if you truly wanted to blow him, it would freak him out because he’d think that he had somehow brainwashed you or forced you to want him in that way.”

“I can’t believe this is real…” I whisper in absolute awe and disbelief, realizing that this omega’s reasoning makes perfect sense, but the fact that it still applies to an alpha seems unbelievable. “An alpha afraid of sex… damn… Usually it’s the omegas who want nothing to do with it while the alphas force them to.”

“Yeah…” the omega softly agrees with a shiver, and, knowing that he must be thinking of the way his family of knot-head alphas repeatedly forced him, I hold him tighter for comfort. “I can say without a doubt in my mind though that Cassie will never force you to do anything.”

“Really?” I ask hesitantly, barely daring to even hope, let alone believe his words, but, I gotta admit, the thought of not being forced to have sex again sounds so damn good.

“Really,” the omega softly says with another kind smile that makes his eyes shine, but they still look sad. “You should have seen how torn up he was when we had to patch you up. I had to force Cassie to straddle you and pin you down on the bathroom floor because you were going to rip out your stitches. He kept apologizing to you over and over for putting you in that position, I think he even started crying when he had to use his alpha voice to tell you to stop struggling.”

What the hell…

An alpha cried because he had to push me up against the floor?!

He didn’t even do anything ! 

Why would he get so upset?!

What is this guy?!

“You’re joking…” I whisper after a few moments of being stunned speechless, suddenly feeling so overwhelmed and exhausted after everything this omega’s told me.

“I wish I was,” the omega says with a wry smile and a bitter laugh, his words causing me to close my eyes in disbelief at this whole situation.

How… can this all be real?

It’s so different from everything I’ve learned since I presented…

I mean… I’ve been hurt so badly by so many alphas! 

And this alpha cried because he pinned me so I wouldn’t hurt myself?!

Alphas love it when I cry while being hurt…

They never cry, especially not over me…

Especially not when they did nothing wrong to me in the first place...

“He didn’t even do anything though,” I whisper with my eyes still firmly shut, feeling pained over this entire, backward situation. 

Then, while suddenly feeling furious, I open my eyes and loudly say, “Do you know how many times alphas have pinned me down and fucked me or hurt me?! Do you know how many times they’ve used their biology to overpower me, to make me beg for their knot inside me?! And Castiel cried when he didn’t do anything like that to me?!”

“I know, he’s so different from other alphas,” the omega says with a bitter smile, seeming both pleased and annoyed by how unique Castiel is. 

Then, while squeezing my shoulder in a kind, reassuring manner, the omega sadly continues, “And I can’t imagine how many times you’ve been in those awful situations, but I don’t have to imagine what it feels like.”

Whoa, what was that?

That was… really fucking poetic.

“Damn,” I whisper in awe at his words, feeling my respect for this omega grow even more with the way he showed me that he understands my pain, but without acting like we’re the exact same.

“Was that pretty deep?” the omega asks with a pleased smirk, his eager question causing me to roll my eyes fondly. “I thought it sounded really philosophical in my mind.”

“Oh, yeah, for sure,” I say with a smirk of my own, deciding to let this omega build his ego a little. 

Then, as my smile fades, I continue with a heavy sigh, “Seriously though, he has no reason to feel bad about that, especially since I would have died without him…”

“Well, he does, and I’m sure he will every time he looks at you,” the omega says matter-of-factly, as if he knows without a doubt that his brother will feel bad about what he had to do to help me.

This is fucking insane...

“Oh my god,” I mutter under my breath in utter shock, disbelief, and even a little bit of guilt for inadvertently putting Castiel through so much pain. “I never thought I would feel bad for an alpha, but damn, I just want to hug him and make him feel better.”

As soon as I say that, I cringe away from the omega, feeling so fucking stupid for saying something like that…

I fucking hate being an omega!

All these stupid instincts make me say mushy shit like that about an alpha I don’t even know . 

Before I can spend any more time loathing my words, the omega adamantly agrees, “I know! He’s like a puppy who’s been left out in the cold and you just wanna cuddle him and make him feel better!”

Even though I hate it, he’s right.

Maybe it’s just my stupid biology, or maybe I feel grateful to him for saving my life, but I want to help him.

Pushing aside my growing embarrassment, hoping that my cheeks aren’t red like an overripe tomato, I softly ask, “Is there anything I can do to make him feel better?”

“You really want to know?” the omega asks hesitantly, his voice once again holding hope that he’s trying to conceal. 

Do I?

Do I really want to make this alpha feel better?

It goes against everything I’ve ever been taught about surviving as an omega…

But...

“Yeah, I do,” I whisper with a shy smile, feeling a strange, warm feeling bubble up in my chest as I fight the urge to purr like a fucking cat.

I want to help him, but I definitely don’t want any of that gross omega shit to come out, even in front of only another omega.

“Okay, first, don’t ever call him ‘master,’” the omega immediately launches into a new conversation, his tone eager and earnest despite what he’s talking about. “One of my brothers forced me to call him that and hearing you say that will definitely give him a panic attack.”

For a few moments, I just blink back the surprise, unable to believe how one word could send an alpha into a panic attack, but deciding to just trust this omega's words.

“Got it,” I say confidently, easily agreeing to not calling anyone that ever again, absolutely hating that word anyway. “Do you want me to call him Alpha?”

“Not really, I think that word might trigger bad memories as well,” the omega says, his words quiet and hesitant, like he’s worried about my reaction. “I think calling him ‘Alpha Castiel’ could be better; hopefully including his name will help keep him grounded. It would be better though if you can just call him by his name though.”

Call an alpha… by just their name?

I… fuck, I don’t know if I can do that…

Last time I tried that… fuck…

But… if this omega really wants me to...

“I can try,” I whisper weakly, fighting back tears as I continue sadly, “My last alpha whipped me and left me outside for days because I used his name… It might be hard, but I’ll try.”

“Hey, no, I don’t want you to force yourself, okay?” the omega immediately says in an understanding tone as he squeezes my shoulder reassuringly, his unwavering kindness causing a few of those tears to slip down my cheeks. “If 'Alpha Castiel' works best for you, by all means, use it.”

“Really?” I ask hopefully as I look him in the eyes, hoping to detect any sign of him lying to me.

“Of course, I want you to feel safe and comfortable here, and forcing yourself to act a certain way won’t help with that,” the omega agrees easily, a large, comforting smile on his face that causes me to smile shakily in return.

“Thanks,” I say softly and sincerely, feeling a little more confident now that I know how to address this strange alpha. “What else?”

“This is probably going to be the hardest part but, if Cassie asks a question, he’s gonna want an honest answer,” the omega says hesitantly, but I just nod easily, very accustomed to honesty as that was one of Alastair’s many rules. “If he asks you if you’re scared, he wants you to be honest. Besides, he’ll probably be able to tell by your scent if you lie, so that’ll only make him feel untrusted by you.”

With a bitter laugh at the absurdity of the last thing he said, I ask challengingly, “But what if I don’t trust him?”

“I don’t expect you to trust him,” the omega immediately says in an adamant tone, his words not only surprising me but also making me respect him a great deal more as I smile slightly. “Hell, I wouldn’t blame you if you never trusted him because he’s an alpha. What I don’t want is for you to be terrified of him.”

Before I can say anything more, the omega swiftly asks in a calm, collected tone, “Are you scared of me right now?”

“No,” I say immediately, for the first time since I presented not feeling afraid of someone.

Maybe I’m a fucking idiot for this, but I trust this omega…

I’m not gonna tell him my deepest, darkest secrets, hell, I don’t even know his name yet, but I really don’t think he’s gonna hurt me.

I’d like to think that maybe Cas won’t hurt me too, especially if he’s anything like this kind omega.

“Great!” the omega happily exclaims, genuine joy and excitement in his voice at my easy reply. “That’s all I’m asking for you to do with Cassie. You don’t have to trust him. You don’t even have to trust him enough to tell him your name if you don’t want to. I just want you to be honest with him. He will never make fun of you or give you a reason to fear him. And, if he does make you afraid with anything, you come to me and I’ll tell him to knock it off.”

“So, to make sure I get this right, I don’t need to trust him enough to tell him shit about my personal life, I just need to be honest with him?” I ask hesitantly, wanting to make sure I understand this, especially since it seems so impossible.

“Exactly!” the omega says in that same, happy tone, his words causing me to smile again, dully realizing that I’ve smiled more while talking to this omega than I have in years . “Sometimes he’ll ask you questions that you don’t want to answer, and you’re allowed to tell him 'no' or that you don’t want to answer. We all have things we want to keep private and, even if you’re an omega, he will respect your boundaries.”

An alpha respecting an omega’s boundaries?!

An alpha allowing an omega to say no ?!

What the fuck is happening...

“I can’t believe a guy like him is fucking real!” I exclaim in shock and disbelief, knowing that I’ve thought this a hundred times, but it still doesn’t make things any clearer.

“Yeah, he really is amazing,” the omega whispers in a soft, awestruck tone, his words once again making me hope that someone will speak of me one day like he talks about his alpha. “I’m sure you’ll be scared out of your mind when he first comes to see you, but I promise that you’ll always be safe with him. You’ll always be safe with both of us.”

“You’re amazing too,” I say quietly and honestly without thinking, immediately blushing at the truth behind my words, but unwilling to take them back.

“Wow, I-” the omega whispers in a tight voice choked with emotion, a blinding smile on his face that causes me to smile widely in return. “Thank you.”

As a tear slips down his cheek, I move one of my hands from his back and use my thumb to wipe the droplet away, much like he did to me earlier.

“I’m Gabe,” the omega whispers as he closes his eyes, more tears streaming down his face that I gently brush away.

“Dean,” I whisper with a large smile, feeling… good… normal to so casually share my name with someone else.

It’s been… a long time since I felt like this…

Since I’ve felt like… a real person.

Alphas and betas take for granted how easy it is to meet new people, to share their names and common interests. 

For years, the only name I’ve had is ‘slut’.

But… now I’m Dean again.

And damn, that thought is fucking terrifying, but… also exciting.

Even though I don’t know what comes next, I can’t help but think that maybe things will be different. 

I’m still an omega and I’m sure that people will still want to hurt me but, right now, laying beside this omega and hurting less than usual, I feel pretty good.

“That’s a really nice name,” the omega says with a gigantic smile, his eyes shining with… some unidentifiable emotion, but it doesn’t make me feel afraid. “Thank you for sharing.”

“Thanks for making me feel safe enough to share it,” I say shyly, ducking my head beneath his chin against the building heat in my cheeks, hating that my brain-to-mouth filter decided to take a rain check on our conversation.

The omega just releases a low, content whine as he pulls me flush against his chest, holding me tightly and securely, yet still being mindful of my injuries.

A long time ago, I would have felt furious about someone trying to coddle me like this, but I just smile happily as he gently rests his chin on top of my head.

Right now, I never want this to end…

Please, don’t let this end.

With a feeling of growing dread, I hold him tighter and whisper shakily, “I’m so fucking terrified that I’ll wake up at any moment and I’ll be tied to a bed, just waiting to be fucked again.”

“No, Dean, never again,” the omega adamantly whispers and, shockingly, a low, possessive growl rubles his chest. “For as long as you want, you have a safe place to stay with me and Cassie. I know it’s a shitty place, we don’t even have electricity for fuck’s sake, but you’ll never be taken advantage of here. You can heal and, maybe one day, your past will just be a distant, bad memory.”

“Thank you,” I whisper sincerely as tears rush to my eyes for the thousandth time. “I… I haven’t been held like this since before I presented.”

“Oh, Dean,” Gabe whispers sadly as he gently nuzzles my hair with his chin in a comforting gesture. “If you want, I can hold you like this whenever you want.”

Wait… really?!

I… god, I would love that…

Does he really mean it?

“R-Really?” I ask hesitantly, hoping that he won’t laugh at me for my neediness, but damn, I just want to be held like this more.

I feel so safe in Gabe’s arms, and I just want to feel safe forever.

“Really,” Gabe adamantly promises with a soft, sweet chuckle, his words causing a burst of hope to fill me.

“You’re fucking amazing, Gabe!” I honestly say with a happy laugh, the sound startling me for a few moments, realizing that I haven’t laughed in forever, but I continue chuckling softly regardless, too fucking happy to stop.

“Right back at ya,” Gabe says with a chuckle of his own, his words causing me to blush further as I smile widely, my jaw starting to hurt from smiling and laughing so much, but I wouldn’t change a thing right now.

Okay, maybe that’s not true…

I’d love it if Sammy was here too and my entire body didn’t hurt badly, but this is amazing.

I haven’t been this happy in… a long time…

Feeling tired, yet satiated and content, I release a loud, hearty yawn that causes Gabe to chuckle softly.

“Rest now, Little Omega,” Gabe says, and damn, if those words don’t fill me with even more happiness and fondness for this sweet omega. “I’ll protect you.”

“I know you will,” I murmur sleepily as I close my eyes, snuggling closer to his chest as I feel the beginnings of sleep tugging me firmly.

As the room fills with the pleasant scent of sweet, caramel apples, just like the ones Sammy always begged to have while at the carnival, I know that Gabe feels extremely happy as well, making me smile softly, not-so-subtly sniffing Gabe’s chest to get closer to the delectable scent.

After a few moments of just breathing in Gabe’s delicious scent and reveling in the safety of his arms, I slowly start to drift off to sleep feeling for the first time since I presented that, once I wake up again, no one will hurt me.

Gabe promised to protect me and I believe him. 

Wholeheartedly.

I don’t know what the future holds, but I know that Gabe will help me through it, maybe even help me find Sammy, which gives me the strength I need to carry on to another day.

Chapter Text

Castiel’s pov

“Castiel, wait for me!” An unfamiliar voice shouts as I quickly walk through the school hallways, cringing at the loud voice and the snickers and whispers accompanying it.

I abruptly stop in my tracks, wanting to keep walking until I reach the bathroom, the only place where I can safely be alone, but a small part of me is terribly curious.

No one at school ever talks to me...

Other than Gabriel and my teachers, no one even says a single word to me.

Even during group work, no one speaks to me. Either I work alone, or the people who I should be able to talk to speak over or around me, acting as if I do not exist, despite sitting no more than a foot away from me.

So, even though this stranger is drawing so much unnecessary attention to me that makes me hunch further in on myself, trying in vain to ignore the sets of eyes I feel boring into me and the occasional pointed finger in my direction, I want to know who this is. 

Finally, a pair of pristine, brand new black and white Converse stop in front of me, telling me that this must be the person who called my name. 

With considerable effort, I lift my head to see a very tall man before me, his height, which is towering nearly an entire head taller than me, makes me take a step back, especially when I catch a strong whiff of cedarwood and the crystalized scent of a running riverbed. The strength behind his scent tells me that, without a doubt, this extremely tall man is an alpha. And he is standing right in front of me…

What does he want from me?

Wait... Is today finally the day when one of the stronger alphas at school shows me how much they truly hate me? 

Is today when, while in the presence of a ‘real’ alpha, everyone here discovers how truly pathetic I am?

Is… Is he going to hurt me?

Does he see the terrible bruising around my eye, my nose that is still twisted painfully, and view that as an invitation to hurt me further?

I can’t do this!

I have to get out of here!

Without further hesitation, I quickly drop the large box of food in my hands, given to us by the school so Gabriel and I don’t starve to death, knowing that we have enough food at home to last until tomorrow, but I can’t survive another beating.

Please, don’t hurt me!

Now that I don’t have the box to slow me down in case this alpha decides to pursue, I take off sprinting down the hallway, knowing that I need to get out of here and find somewhere safe. 

As I run through the hallway as fast as I can, ignoring the indignant shouts and angry curses of students I nearly run into, my breaths come out as shuddering gasps, already feeling winded from only being able to breathe through my mouth.

Even though I already feel terribly out of breath, I keep running, the only sounds I hear over the steady rush of blood pounding through my overworked heart are the steady slaps of my worn sneakers against the floor and the alpha’s occasional loud and frustrated calls of my name.

Knowing that I can’t keep this up much longer, I stop in front of a familiar classroom, throwing open the door without hesitation, knowing that she will be able to keep me safe.

At least, I desperately hope that she will protect me…

Now that the door is open, I quickly rush inside and slam the door shut behind me, leaning back against it in hopes of keeping this alpha from entering.

As tears rush to my eyes, I sink down to the ground in front of the door, hugging my knees close to my chest as I try my hardest not to cry.

While trying in vain to catch my breath, the force of my lungs trying to take in oxygen shaking my whole body, the first few tears slip down my cheeks.

I hate this!

Please, I don’t want to be hurt again!

Last night is still too fresh, I just can’t take it!

Suddenly, the door at the back of the classroom opens and, for a few terrifying seconds, I think that it must be the alpha, that he found me and now he will hurt me.

“Castiel?” Mrs. Winchester asks in a confused and worried voice, seeming surprised to see me in her classroom, breathing heavily as I curl in on myself against the main classroom door. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

I try to respond, but my chest still feels too tight. In fact, it seems to become tighter with each passing moment, as though, even though I am breathing rapidly, I can’t get any of the air to reach my lungs.

“Hey, Castiel, I need you to take a deep breath, okay?” Mrs. Winchester says in a kind, sweet tone, but I also detect poorly concealed concern and worry that fills the room with that slight smoky scent of a fire nearing a hapless meadow. “Can you do that for me? Take a breath in… and out… in…… and out……”

It takes several moments but, with the help of her coaching, I finally get my breathing back under control, helping to ease some of the budding tightness in my chest and the pounding behind my temple.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong now, Sweetheart?” Mrs. Winchester asks kindly as she kneels down on the floor beside me, her nickname causing me to smile slightly despite knowing how un-alpha-like it is.

“Someone is... chasing me, I-I think... they want to... h-hurt me,” I say quietly in between deep breaths, trying hard to stave off the panic I feel building again upon saying those words.  

“I won’t let that happen,” Mrs. Winchester says in a strong, fierce tone as she swiftly stands and walks over to her desk.

When she returns with her key ring in hand, I smile softly, feeling a strong surge of fondness bubble up in me at her unwavering kindness. 

Once she locks the door, keeping that scary and horribly tall alpha from getting inside, I release a sigh of relief.

Slowly, I start to uncurl from my fetal position, feeling much safer with the knowledge that not only the door is locked, but that she wants to keep me out of harm’s way. 

Gingerly, I rise to my feet, biting down on my lip to hold in my wince, but I must do an awful job because, in that same concerned tone, Mrs. Winchester asks, “Castiel, did someone hurt you?”

With a heavy sigh, I nod my head, knowing that there is no point in denying it, especially since, with one look at my face, she can see the damage done.

While smiling shakily, I raise my head, meeting her eyes for the first time and allowing her to see the extent of my visible injuries. 

Immediately, she releases a loud, shocked, and pained gasp, her reaction causing me to wince, knowing that I must look absolutely awful.

As she swiftly closes the distance between us, I take a step back, irrationally fearful of her approach, but my back just meets the door, giving me nowhere to go.

While breathing heavily with panic, I quickly use my arms to block my face, knowing that this exposes my fragile stomach, but my face already hurts too badly for me to leave it unprotected. 

“Hey, Castiel, it’s okay,” Mrs. Winchester says in a low, kind, and cautious tone, talking to me as one would address a spooked animal. “I just want to look at your face so I can see how hurt you are. I promise you that I would never, ever hurt you.”

For a few seconds, I don’t move, can’t move, torn between wanting to trust her and being terrified of yet another person hurting me. 

Finally, I work up the courage to lower my arms from my face, hoping that I am not making a mistake by trusting her.

Thankfully, she simply stands a few feet away, her arms raised at her chest in a placating gesture that, even though I know it shouldn’t, makes me feel a thousand times better.

She really isn’t going to hurt me...

“That’s it, Sweetheart,” Mrs. Winchester says with a large, dazzling smile that causes me to smile shakily in return. “Do you need a hug?”

No, hugs for the weak, for omegas , my inner alpha chimes angrily and unhelpfully, seeming appalled at her question.

“I would love one,” I whisper, my voice small and shaky as I try my hardest to ignore my inner alpha’s loud protests, instead smiling weakly as I approach her.

With an even larger smile, Mrs. Winchester firmly wraps her arms around me, allowing me to rest my head in the crook of her neck as I hug her tightly.

Unashamedly, I take a large sniff, her beta scent less potent than that of an alpha or omega, but her sweet, sunny meadow scent still brings me great comfort. 

“Castiel, I hope you know that I will never hurt you,” Mrs. Winchester promises in a passionate tone as she continues hugging me, her words helping to ease some of the weight on my shoulders.

It’s nice to know that at least one person will never hurt me.

Once upon a time, I thought I had that with Gabriel, but, sadly, I was greatly mistaken. 

“I know, I truly do…” I start to whisper, but I trail off at the end, unsure if I should continue.

Knowing that she won’t ridicule me for my weakness, I softly continue, “I just got so scared. I never thought that Gabriel would hurt me either, but he did this to me last night. And then that alpha chased me and I thought that he was going to hurt me too. When you walked toward me, it was just too much and I felt the need to protect myself, just in case.”

“Oh, Sweetie,” Mrs. Winchester whispers sadly, her voice laced with pain and heartbreak. “Gabe hurt you?”

I open my mouth to respond, but only a low, fearful whine escapes when the doorknob begins to rattle, accompanied by bangs of someone pounding on it. 

“No, no, no, please, I-I can’t,” I beg in a scared, shaky whisper as I cling to her tighter, terrified that she will let this alpha in and he will hurt me. 

“Shhhh, Baby, it’s okay, no one’s gonna hurt you,” Mrs. Winchester promises in a firm and comforting tone, her words helping to ease a little of my panic. “Why don’t you go sit down while I send this person away?”

“C-Can I hide somewhere?” I ask quietly and hesitantly, hating how weak and childish that question makes me sound, but knowing that’s the only way I will feel safe.

“Of course,” Mrs. Winchester says without even a moment of hesitation, as if what I just asked her isn’t weird or outlandish in any way. “Why don’t you hide under my desk?”

Immediately, I nod my head, not caring where, but just needing someplace to go where this alpha won’t see me and try to hurt me.

As the angry bangs continue, I detangle myself from her embrace and rush to her desk.

It is very tight, but I welcome the close quarters, cherish the feeling of having something against my back and side, giving the alpha no chance to sneak up on me.

At the soft jingle of her keys, I bite my lip to keep from sobbing and giving away my position, hating that she even has to open the door, but knowing that it is necessary to keep this alpha from pounding on her door forever. 

The second I hear the creak of the door opening, Mrs. Winchester says in a firm, angry tone, “I suggest you leave that boy alone, or else I’ll make your life a living he- Sam?!”

Oh no, she knows this alpha!

What if she likes him more than me?!

What if she thinks he is a nice alpha who could never hurt me?!

What if she knows him so well that she lets him hurt me?!

Please, I don’t want to be hurt anymore!

“Hey, Mom,” the alpha says and I swear that I forget how to think, how to breathe , how to do anything but sit here and wish that the floor would swallow me so that I don’t have to go through the pain that I will certainly experience now. “Is Castiel in there? I just want to talk to him about Gabriel…”

Gabriel?!

What does this alpha want with him?!

Does he want to hurt him too?!

I would rather die than let this alpha anywhere near my baby brother...

“Don’t ‘Hey, Mom’ me, you gave that poor boy a heart attack!” Mrs. Winchester yells, the anger in her voice giving me hope that maybe she won’t let him hurt me after all. “Why in the world did you think it was a good idea to chase him through the school?! He thought that you were going to beat him up!”

Surprisingly, the alpha winces and, in a guilt-laced voice, he quietly says, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to scare him. I’m just really worried about Gabriel… He wasn’t in History today and he never misses school, so I just wanted to ask Castiel why…”

This tall, frightening alpha has a class with Gabriel?

Why does he want to know about my brother?

If they just have a class together, why should he care about him missing today?

Are they friends?

Alphas and omegas are never just friends though…

Oh god, has this alpha been coercing Gabriel into spending time with him and doing who knows what together?!

Why didn’t he tell me?!

“Then you should have just told him that!” Mrs. Winchester yells, her voice becoming louder and angrier the longer their conversation continues. 

I can hardly pay attention to them though, my thoughts consumed by how this alpha I have never heard of or met knows Gabriel, so many horrific scenarios running from my mind.

“Stay there, and don’t even think about entering my classroom until Castiel isn’t scared out of his mind by you,” Mrs. Winchester demands in a low, dangerous voice as I hear her footsteps start to grow closer.

As she approaches, I hear a loud, violent sob, my entire body shaking as the sound seems to echo throughout the room.

“Oh, Sweetheart, don’t cry,” Mrs. Winchester says in a quiet, sad tone, her words causing me to realize that that ugly sob came from me . 

I am so sick of crying…

I am so sick of feeling so weak, especially when these dreaded tears come…

Even though I desperately wish that I could stop crying, the tears stubbornly continue to fall despite how many times I angrily wipe them away. 

“Come here, Castiel,” Mrs. Winchester quietly pleads and, with a quick glance up, I see through blurry vision that she’s sitting on the ground a few feet away from me.

Without further prompting, I crawl out from under her desk and launch myself into her arms, only feeling safe when she holds me close like this.

Now that she is holding me tightly, protecting me from harm, the tears fall with renewed vigor, my sobs becoming louder and more frequent.

“It’s okay, Castiel, you’re safe,” Mrs. Winchester promises and, even though I know that the alpha is just outside the door, close enough that he could easily storm in and hurt me, I find myself believing her wholeheartedly. “That alpha isn’t going to hurt you, he’s just my idiotic son who doesn’t know how to talk to someone like a normal person.”

Even though I still feel scared of the alpha, I release a watery laugh at her words, my smile growing as the alpha jokingly says from the doorway, “Hey, that’s not fair! I’ll have you know that I’m great at talking to people!”

“Oh yeah, that’s why you have thousands of friends who adore you, Samster,” Mrs. Winchester says in a sarcastic tone, but I don’t laugh this time, knowing that she struck a nerve when the alpha sighs heavily.

“At least I have Gabe…” Sam mutters, the sadness in his voice surprising me, seeming like he genuinely cares about my brother.

“H-How do you know him?” I ask quietly in between sniffles, feeling my curiosity start to outweigh my fear, now feeling safe enough in Mrs. Winchester’s arms to speak to this alpha. 

“He hasn’t talked about me?!” Sam asks in a loud, incredulous tone his scent, much like his mom’s, turns smokey and dangerous with anger.

“No, I have no idea who you are…” I say quietly after a few moments of hesitation, surprised by the hurt and anger in his scent.

He really does care about Gabriel…

“Shit, I’m so sorry, Castiel!” Sam says in an adamant and guilty tone, his words sounding surprisingly sincere. “I thought that you would know who I am. I really didn’t mean to scare you, I just wanted to make sure Gabe was okay since he’s my best friend.”

“Your best friend?!” I ask loudly in disbelief, unable to believe that this alpha, who I have never even heard of, has the audacity to be best friends with my little brother. “I don’t even know you, how could you two be best friends?!”

“I know, that’s why I can’t believe he didn’t tell you about me…” Sam says in a quiet, sad tone, seeming genuinely torn up by the fact that I don’t know who he is. “We met in History class about two weeks into the school year. I’m a Freshman, but I had to be transferred into his class because mine was too easy for me. On my first day in the class the teacher sat me next to Gabe since that was the only open spot. I couldn’t believe it when Gabe told me ‘you smell funny for an alpha.’”

Sam pauses there to laugh and, even though I still feel wary of him, I chuckle as well and softly say, “That does sound like a very Gabriel thing to say.”

“Definitely,” Sam agrees with what sounds like a large smile. “I told him that that’s because I hadn’t presented yet, and he really liked that about me. I wasn’t able to smell scents when I first met him, so I thought that he was a beta like me. When I presented last month, he was so scared. He thought that I would hate him for being an omega or that I would… rape him like his pathetic excuse for a family did bu-”

He pauses when I release a low, pained whine, unable to believe that Sam knows about our past.

I didn’t even know his name , but he knows about all the horrible things our brothers and father did to us?!

“H-he t-told you-u?” I ask in a quiet, shaky whisper, feeling sick to my stomach at the thought of this stranger knowing the hell we went through. 

“Yeah, he told me about a week ago,” Sam whispers sadly, his voice laced with pain as he no doubt recounts what Gabriel said happened to us. “That’s why I was shocked to find out that he hadn’t even mentioned me to you. I mean, he felt safe enough with me to tell me about his shitty past, but he can’t even tell his older brother my name?!”

I don’t say anything in response to his words, equally as shocked and betrayed that Gabriel would go as far as to tell Sam, an alpha nonetheless, about the awful ways our family treated him, but he didn’t even talk about this alpha once to me.

He could have just said, ‘Hey, I met a friend at school today and his name is Sam.’

I would have been so happy for him!

I want him to have friends!

And, maybe it is selfish of me, but I want to know about his friends too. 

I don’t have any friends of my own…

It would be nice to at least hear what it is like to trust someone wholeheartedly…

Slowly, I raise my head from Mrs. Winchester’s shoulder to truly look at the alpha for the first time.

While in front of me, he had towered over me threateningly, but now, while standing in the middle of the large doorway, he looks small, almost… fragile, which is so uncommon for an alpha. In addition to the black and white Converse I saw earlier, he wears blue jeans that are starting to turn white around the knees and thighs, looking faded and well worn. He also wears a blue and white flannel, a beige coat over it that hangs on his lanky frame, seeming like he still needs to grow into the coat despite his already large size. His chestnut-brown hair falls just below his ears, looking wavy and tousled, sticking up in random directions on the sides from him running his hands through it. His sharp jawline is accentuated by a small smile that shows off perfectly-aligned, off-white teeth, the sight of his smile reminding me strongly of Mrs. Winchester’s. Lastly, his hazel eyes meet my good eye and, within moments, they seem to shine less brightly, turning sad as he takes in my black eye and broken nose.

“What happened to you?” Sam asks in a quiet, sad tone, his blunt question causing me to wince, unsure if I should tell the truth.

“Shit, I just keep fucking this up, don’t I?” Sam angrily mutters under his breath, his scent spiking with anger, but I don’t feel afraid this time, knowing that that hatred isn’t directed toward me.

I know the feeling of hating oneself all too well…

Before he can spiral too far, I say hesitatingly, “It is fine, you can ask me that.”

When he meets my eye again, he gives me a soft, hesitant smile that gives me the strength to continue, “Last night was challenging for Gabriel and me. I would prefer to not get into the specifics of it, but I asked too much of him and he was angry with me…”

“He did that to you?!” Sam asks in an incredulous tone, seeming shocked that Gabriel would give me a black eye and break my nose.

I am still shocked as well…

Miserably, I just nod my head, closing my good eye tightly as I try hard to fight back against the tears threatening to spill.

I am just so tired of crying...

“Did you hurt him?” Sam asks in a low, dangerous whisper, barely concealed anger in his voice and flaring in his scent. “Is that why he isn’t at school today?”

His question, along with all the brutal and painful assumptions it comes with, fills me with anger unlike anything I have ever known.

With all my fear leaving me in a rush, I disentangle myself from Mrs. Winchester’s hug and quickly stalk toward him.

“You listen to me and listen well, because I will only say this once,” I demand harshly as I jab my finger against Sam’s chest, getting in his face despite the fact that he is much taller than me. “I love Gabriel. I would never, ever lay a hand on him. He stayed home because he feels guilty that he did this to me, not because I hurt him. If Gabriel has ever told you anything about me, it should be that I have never raised a hand to harm him, that I have never treated him as lesser than me because of his status.”

By the end of my words, I am breathing heavily and shaking from rage, trying my hardest to resist my inner alpha’s urge to growl at Sam, to show him that I am much stronger and better than him. 

“Okay,” Sam says simply with a large smile, his nonchalant tone, especially with me angry and so close to him, surprises me enough to lower my hand from his chest.

“Okay?” I ask hesitantly, unable to believe that he is being so calm about this.

“Yeah, I believe you,” Sam says with his smile still in place, his words causing my shoulders to sag and my anger to leave in a rush, feeling strangely relieved to hear him say that to me. “I didn’t actually think you’d hurt him, I just wanted to make sure since he hasn’t answered my calls all day.”

“Oh,” I whisper quietly as I take a step back and rub my arms self-consciously, smoothing out my trench coat as I feel thoroughly embarrassed. “I apologize for my actions, I have never done that type of thing before.”

“No worries, Castiel, it’s nice to see how much you care about your brother,” Sam says with a large, easy-going smile that makes his eyes shine brightly.

When he places a comforting hand on my shoulder, I don’t flinch, instead, I give him a small smile in return and say, “It is nice that you care about my brother too.”

His smile seems to grow a thousand times wider and brighter, the smell of his pride and happiness, like a tree soaking up the rays of the early morning sun, makes me smile widely in return.

“Thanks, that means a lot to me,” Sam says with his smile still in place as he gives my shoulder a small squeeze in thanks, then puts his hand back in the pocket of his coat. 

Then, as his smile takes on a sad edge, Sam softly continues, “I’m so sorry about how all this started. I really like Gabriel and I hope that I didn’t fuck things up with the way I acted like a possessive alpha chasing you through the school. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

Then, to my absolute shock, Sam tilts his head back, exposing his neck to me in a show of submission that I have only seen omegas do to their alphas. 

For a few seconds, I just stare at Sam’s throat, entirely unsure how to respond to such submission, especially from an alpha I scarcely know.

He must truly love Gabriel to do something so… unorthodox for an alpha…

He must be so uncomfortable.

My suspicion is proved true when he swallows hard, his adam’s apple bobbing audibly as his jaw hardens, no doubt his inner alpha screaming at for submitting in such a way.

“Y-You don’t have to do that,” I whisper shakily, my voice sounding wrecked and raw, as if I have been shouting for hours, his submission affecting me deeply.

“I don’t?” Sam asks in a soft, confused tone as he slowly lowers his chin, no longer stretching out his neck for me to see.

“No, I…” I pause for a few moments, taking a couple deep breaths not only to calm down, but also in hopes of finding the right words. “I am Gabriel’s alpha, but only in the legal sense. I have never wanted the responsibility of being in charge of an omega, but I claimed him without hesitation because he needed me. With that being said, I am not the typical alpha. I don’t control his life, I don’t dictate who he can spend time with and where he can go. He is as independent as I can legally make him. As his alpha and brother, I just want him to be happy. You certainly care about him and, if he feels the same, that is enough for me. If you make him happy, then I want you two to be friends, maybe even partners one day if you want that. Sam, I won't lie; you absolutely scared me when I first saw you, but not anymore. You don’t need my permission, you don’t need my forgiveness, and you definitely don’t need to submit to me because I am Gabriel’s alpha.”

I pause for several moments, hoping that my message got across and that I haven’t been talking for as long as I think I have, remembering all of Gabriel’s comments about how, whenever I become nervous, I tend to ramble. 

A few moments later, when he still doesn’t say anything, I take a step closer to him and say sternly, “With that being said, Gabriel’s safety is the most important thing to me. You know our past and what awful things have been done to him so, I swear to god, if you ever try to hurt him or force hi-”

“I would never!” Sam cuts me off with his loud, adamant words, seeming appalled that I would even insinuate such a thing.

“Good, then we should have no problem,” I state simply and matter-of-factly, truly believing that, even though he is an alpha, Sam won’t turn out like our family.

“Really, that’s it?” Sam asks hesitantly after a few moments of silence, seeming like he wants it to be this simple, but he is afraid to get his hopes up. “I don’t have to woo you or earn your right to love Gabriel?”

“Definitely not,” I mutter with a soft chuckle, hating even the sound of that and how it makes me seem so important that, even if Gabriel loved Sam, he would need to gain my approval first. “If you two really are best friends, then I want you to stay that way. And, if you want to pursue something romantic in the future, then have fun and stay safe.”

“Oh my god, did you just make a condom joke?!” Sam asks loudly as his cheeks turn a bright shade of pink, his reaction causing me and Mrs. Winchester to laugh loudly. 

When my laughter has died down enough to speak again, I say with a smirk, “As I said, Gabriel’s well-being is very important to me. There better be no pregnancies unless you two have thoroughly thought about it.”

Somehow, Sam’s face turns an even brighter shade of red and Mrs. Winchester cackles loudly with laughter from across the room, seeming endlessly amused by her son’s embarrassment. 

“I hate you,” Sam grumbles angrily as he crosses his arms over his chest, but there is no malice in his tone. “Both of you!”

His mom simply laughs harder in response and, through her mirth, chokes out, “Thanks, Castiel, you’re making my job as a parent so much easier.”

“Mom!” Sam shouts in disbelief and anger, his reaction, so much like Gabriel when he gets annoyed, causes me to giggle.

No wonder they’re friends...

“It is my pleasure,” I say to Mrs. Winchester with a smirk, then turn toward Sam and give him a wink.

“That’s it, I’m leaving!” Sam shouts as he storms out of the classroom and, even though his mom only laughs harder at that, I can’t help but feel a twinge of guilt.

I didn’t mean to upset him…

I... I should make sure he is fine…

Quickly, I exit the classroom as well, having to jog to catch up to his much larger strides. 

When I come up beside him, he seems surprised, almost like he didn’t think anyone would bother coming after him. 

“I apologize for upsetting you,” I whisper uncertainly as I look down at our shoes, wanting to make him feel better, but not knowing how to.

“Nah, no worries, it was just embarrassing for me, especially with my mom there,” Sam says nonchalantly, but his words cause me to wince, feeling even more guilty. 

“Hey, can you look at me?” Sam asks as he suddenly stops walking while we are in the middle of the hallway, leaving me no choice but to do the same.

After taking a deep breath to steel myself, I raise my head to meet his gaze with my good eye, looking for any sign of anger on his face, but I can’t find anything.

“Did you really mean that back there?” Sam asks in a quiet and hesitant voice, his words surprising me greatly.

“Pardon?” I ask hesitantly, unsure how to even begin decoding what that vague question could be referring to.

“Did you really mean it when you said that I wouldn’t have to do anything to be with Gabe?” Sam asks quietly, his voice laced with barely-concealed hope. “I don’t have to make you like me first or anything like that? And… you would really be okay with us becoming romantic someday?”

With a soft, sad smile, I promise him, “Yes, Sam, you don’t need to do anything to be with Gabriel. If you two are happy with one another and wish to pursue something romantic, then I will fully support you both. If you decide to just be friends instead, I will support that as well.”

“Thank you!” Sam excitedly says as I suddenly find myself pressed up against the tall man’s chest, his lanky arms wrapped around me and holding me tightly.

With a chuckle, I hug him back, feeling satisfied that I could make him so happy. 

A few moments later, when he pulls back, I softly say with a smile, “And Sam?”

“Yeah?” Sam asks quietly, a nervous twinge in his voice and scent, seeming to think that I might take it back. 

“I already like you, so you certainly don’t need to worry about that,” I say with a large smile, deciding that, even though I don’t know him very well, what I have seen so far has shown me that he is very un-alpha-like.

And, in a world where being an alpha means acting ruthless and uncaring toward everyone, I am glad to see that he isn’t like the typical alpha.

For the first time, I am glad to be un-alpha-like as well. 

As tears rush to his eyes, I just smile wider and say softly, “You certainly don’t have to and in no way should feel obligated but, maybe someday, we could become friends too.”

He opens his mouth and closes it several times, seeming like he is entirely at a loss for words.

Finally, with what appears to take considerable effort, Sam whispers, “Gabe was right, you really aren’t like most alphas.”

My smile fades at his words and I wrap my arms around my chest, trying to push away all the times I have heard similar words hurtled at me.

“Hey, don’t be sad,” Sam whispers as he places a tentative hand on my shoulder, his words surprising me enough that I look up from the floor. “That’s a compliment.”

“It is?” I ask hesitantly as I continue watching his face, trying to find any sign that he will laugh at me and tell me what a horrible alpha I am.

After all, how could something I have heard as an insult a thousand times also be a compliment?

There is no possible way that could be, right?

“Yeah, it is,” Sam says without hesitation, the certainty in his voice surprising me. “I fucking hate alphas, but you’re different.”

For a few moments, I just stand here, looking at Sam, no doubt appearing so lost and confused to him.

I just don’t understand though…

How can he take the biggest, most damaging insult I have heard over the last three years of my life and turn it into something good?

“You mean that?” I ask weakly, hoping with all my heart that he won’t laugh in my face and deny it.

“Yeah, I do,” Sam says with his smile still in place as he squeezes my shoulder reassuringly again. “I’d like to be your friend.”

Upon hearing his words, a loud, ugly sob breaks free, unable to keep the tears at bay after such a beautiful statement.

He… wants to be my friend…

No one has ever said that to me…

Even as a little kid, no one liked me because of the way I talked, the many books I read making me sound much older and more intelligent than the other children.

It only got worse when I was older, especially after I presented. 

But… Sam said he wants to be my friend…

I can’t even begin to understand why, but he does, and that is what truly matters.

Unable to resist, I close the distance between us and hug him tightly, clinging to him as I cry in hopes that he will understand how much this truly means to me.

“Shhh, I’ve got you,” Sam says with a sad smile as he holds me tightly in return, one hand wrapping firmly around my back and the other gently carding through my hair, holding me in the way that I enjoy holding Gabriel, but never dreamed of feeling myself.

And, even though part of me knows that it is stupid, I find myself believing him. 

Maybe it is the fact that he is an alpha, but acts more like an omega than any alpha I have met before.

Maybe it is the fact that Gabriel trusts Sam, even trusts him enough to share about our past plight.

Or maybe it is because I finally have a friend now, leaving me no choice but to trust him wholeheartedly after all my years of soul-crushing loneliness. 

Regardless, I smile sadly and hold him tighter as I continue crying, thankful that, for the first time in my life, I don’t have to be the strong alpha.

Even though I am absolutely awful at it, I try to be strong, I try not to cry, but I seem to never do it right.

Now though, I am in the presence of another alpha and he doesn’t care that I am crying. 

In fact, he is encouraging it, holding me close as I release all the pain and loneliness I have been carrying my whole life.

After a few more moments, with one final sniffle, I slowly pull away from Sam, not wanting to leave his arms, but knowing that people have to be staring by now, their judgmental eyes raking over me, an alpha, as I cry. 

“Better?” Sam asks with a kind smile as I take a step away from him, immediately looking down at the floor to avoid the eyes of students who I know must be there. 

Without hesitation, I nod my head but, deciding that he needs a much nicer response after his kindness, I softly say, “Thank you, Sam. No one has ever wanted to be my friend before, so it means a lot to me.”

“You’ve never had a friend before?” Sam asks in a surprised and sad tone, the judgment in his voice causing me to cringe.

He must think I am so pathetic.

Many people have more friends than they can even remember the names of, but I have never been fortunate to even have one person care about me in such a way. 

Miserably, I shake my head, unable to speak with the tightness in my throat, more blasted tears threatening to spill.

“Well, we’ll just have to do all the usual friend things together then!” Sam happily exclaims, his words shocking me to the point that I meet his eyes, smiling softly at the excited sparkle in them.

“Like what?” I ask softly, having no idea what it is that friends do, but thankful that he is willing to teach me.

Thankful that he is willing to do things with me.

Thankful that he even wants to be my friend in the first place.

“Well, there’s sleepovers, late-night phone calls, going to the movies, playing video games, shit like that,” Sam says with a large smile and, while I feel overwhelmed at the sheer velocity of things that friends do that I had never heard of, I can’t help but smile wide in return, his excitement highly contagious. 

“You would want to do those things with me?” I ask hesitantly, unable to believe that Sam, such a nice, funny, and attractive alpha, would want to spend any time with me, especially while doing things that cost money , something that Gabriel and I can’t afford to spend so frivolously. 

“Of course!” Sam replies without hesitation, his large smile still in place. “Why wouldn’t I?”

With a bitter smile, I quietly say, “I could probably give you a thousand reasons, but, in case you haven’t noticed, most people strongly dislike the way I talk.”

“Yeah, but that’s just because it makes you sound smart; their tiny brains can’t even comprehend the words you use,” Sam says with a smirk, his lack of aversion to my style of speaking makes me smile widely, unused to someone talking so highly of me.

“Yes, I suppose it does make me sound intelligent,” I say with a smile, trying hard to make my voice sound thoughtful, as if I am discussing one of life’s most pondered questions and not my massive brain.

“Totally!” Sam agrees with a giggle, the sound of his laughter causing me to smile wider. “Y’know, my brother used to say to me, ‘You’re never gonna get laid if you spend all day talking about books.”

For a few seconds, I just blink at him, surprised to hear that he has a brother as well.

Once the initial shock wears off, I begin giggling softly at his words, thinking of all the many times Gabriel has told me similar things. 

“I have heard something similar from Gabriel,” I say as our giggles die down, a large smile still on my face as I continue, “He said something along the lines of, no one will want to have sexual intercourse with ‘a walking dictionary.’”

“Oh my god, Castiel, you say it so awkwardly!” Sam exclaims while laughing loudly and, for once, I continue smiling as someone comments on the way I talk, not feeling like he is mocking me.

“What?” I ask with a smirk, hoping to make him laugh harder with what I say next. “That is what it is called, correct? All the alpha’s enjoy bragging about participating in sexual intercourse with their omegas?” 

“No, people just call it sex!” Sam exclaims through his laughter, no doubt drawing the attention of nearby students trying to eat their lunch, but, for once, I ignore them entirely in favor of laughing at his incredulous tone. 

“Really?” I ask with my smirk still in place, enjoying that Sam is laughing so hard that he is now holding onto his stomach as tears of mirth stream from his eyes. “I personally think sexual intercourse is more enjoyable to say.”

“Stop, you’re killing me!” Sam pleads as he doubles over with laughter, being able to make someone laugh so hard fills me with pride, especially since I don’t typically view myself as comedic.

Deciding to be nice, I refrain from saying anything more, instead giggling at his loud laughs that seem to echo and bounce off the walls.

After a few more moments of laughing, Sam slowly stands up and, while wiping away the tears, says with a smile, “I don’t care what anyone else says, you’re funny.”

As my cheeks fill with heat at his kind words, I whisper with a pleased smile, “Thank you. Gabriel says that I am ‘dense’, but I don’t think he realizes that I am often making jokes intentionally.”

“Well, that’s his loss,” Sam says without hesitation, the certainty in his voice causing me to smile wider, my cheeks starting to hurt from smiling more in the last ten minutes than I have in the last ten years. “I can’t wait to hear more of your jokes.”

“I have a whole selection lined up if you think you can handle them,” I joke with a smirk, giggling softly at the flash of surprise that flickers across his face.

“Wow, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re trying to kill me with laughter,” Sam says with a smirk, his words causing me to laugh in surprise, unable to even fathom the absurd thought of someone trying to kill another person by making them laugh too much.

“Only time will tell,” I say with a smirk of my own, hoping my tone is as mischievous as I hope it is. 

“I’m looking forward to that then,” Sam says with a large smile and, for some reason, I feel like our conversation has strayed from our joking banter, instead extending to our future as friends. 

“Me too,” I whisper softly and sincerely, truly looking forward to the time we will spend together, especially if this conversation is any indication of how things will be.

Before we can say anything more, the loud, obnoxious school bell rings, signifying that lunch is over and it is time to return to our classes.

“Where you headed to?” Sam says with a smile, but it looks a little sad and forced.

Does… he want to continue talking as badly as I do?

“I’ve got precalculus with Mrs. Winchester,” I say with a soft smile, thinking of how great it will be to share with her how Sam and I are friends now.

“Ugh, now that we’re friends my mom is probably going to try to tell you so many embarrassing stories about me,” Sam says with a loud groan, but it seems like he is trying hard to keep from smiling at the thought. 

“Oh, lucky me,” I say dryly, but secretly I hope that she will tell me more about Sam; they don’t even have to be embarrassing stories like he suggested, I just want some way to get closer to him since we just met. “If I get really lucky, maybe I will even get to see a few baby pictures.”

“Oh god, she better not!” Sam exclaims in a faux-worried tone, his reaction causing me to giggle.

For a few moments, we giggle alongside each other, until the warning bell rings, telling us that we have two minutes to return to class before we are late.

“I better get to my class,” Sam says with a heavy, reluctant sigh, his desire to not leave filling me with happiness.

No one besides Gabriel has ever liked me this much before.

“Will I see you later?” I ask hesitantly, hoping with all my heart that he will say yes, that we can truly spend time together and become good friends.

“Definitely,” Sam says without hesitation, his certainty causing me to smile widely. “Have Gabe give you my phone number. Also, can you tell him to answer me, just so I know for sure he’s okay?”

“Yes, of course,” I say with a soft smile, knowing that Gabriel definitely shouldn’t make this wonderful alpha worry about him more than necessary.

“See ya later, Castiel,” Sam says with a large smile and a wave, afterward jogging off down the hall before he is marked late by his teacher.

“See you later, Sam,” I whisper softly as I watch him retreat down the hallway, a large smile on my face at the thought of our promise.

Unlike the word ‘goodbye’, ‘see you later’ has hope for the future.

It promises that there will be a future, that this isn’t a goodbye where we will never meet again.

I get to see Sam again later.

Soon I will get his phone number and we will be able to do the things, like late-night conversations, that supposedly all friends get to do.

And maybe we will do the other things he mentioned too.

Maybe we can go to the movie theater, or I can play a video game for the first time.

Or maybe we will just spend time together.

No matter what we do though, I feel excited.

Not only do I feel hopeful for the future for the first time in a long time, but I’m looking forward to it.

For once, I want tomorrow to come.

I want all the tomorrows to come.

There are so many uncertainties surrounding my life, especially regarding Gabriel and the omega we found, but that is okay.

With a friend by my side, I think I can get through it.

With Sam by my side, I know that I can get through it.

Together.

I will most certainly see you later, Sam. 

Chapter Text

Dean’s pov

“Oh, this is unexpected,” a deep, gravelly voice says in a loud, surprised tone, the sound of his unfamiliar voice instantly startling me awake, my breath getting caught in my throat as blind terror consumes me.

Who’s there?!

He doesn’t sound like any of Alastair or Azazel’s friends I’ve met before, but who else could he be?!

His scent of expansive, overwhelming trees closely rooted in a forest, the sun unable to peek through the thousands of leaves, mixed with deep, all-encompassing whiffs of ozone, tells me without a doubt that he’s an alpha.

And an alpha can only mean one thing, especially when I’m on a bed and I already feel a hand wrapped around my upper back, dangerously close to moving a few inches and squeezing my throat or pressing into the nape of my neck until I submit.

“You seem distressed, Omega,” the voice cautiously says, genuine worry and concern in his voice that scares me, not knowing why he would feel anything but lust or hatred for me. “Is everything alright?”

While gasping for air against my budding terror, I quickly open my eyes, but only to find a dark gray t-shirt in my face belonging to a warm body pressed firmly against my front.

Before the feeling of someone laying in bed beside me can make me even more terrified, I catch the sweet scent of assorted candies and pastries, the smell suddenly reminding me of what happened last time I was awake.

Immediately, I shift slightly, pushing my nose against the crook of the omega’s neck, directly on his scent gland, then breathe in deeply.

The moment I breathe in his scent, I release a shaky sigh, already feeling myself calm down. His lovely scent, which screams of kindness and safety, helps relieve the terror I feel at the alpha’s presence.

Finally, several minutes later, I shakily ask the alpha while still keeping my face firmly pressed to Gabe’s scent gland, “Alpha? Are you Castiel?”

“I am,” the alpha softly says, seeming to purposely talk quietly to not scare me again and, if I wasn’t still shaking from residual terror, I would feel angry at his tone, as if he is trying not to spook an animal. “I see that you and Gabriel have already become acquainted. My apologies for startling you, I was just surprised to see the two of you so close already.”

Holy fuck, Gabe wasn’t kidding about this alpha talking so weird...

He actually speaks like a fucking dictionary…

While trying to not smile at his funny way of speaking, I hesitantly say, “I-It’s okay.”

When the alpha doesn’t respond, his silence, something so unnerving while I can’t see him, makes me feel worried again, scared that he’s plotting some way to hurt me despite Gabe’s assurances.

After all, Gabe is asleep right now...

And, since he hasn’t even woken up with my face shoved against his fucking neck, he must be a heavy sleeper.

Which gives Castiel the perfect opportunity to hurt me without Gabe ever knowing.

Oh, fuck, he's going to hurt me, isn't he?!

Fuck, I don't want this!

“Should I leave?” Castiel asks hesitantly, his voice that same quiet tone, but now he sounds… sad too, that emotion, especially on an alpha, leaves me feeling so confused.

Immediately, I open my mouth to agree, but a sudden pressure makes itself known in my groin.

Now that I’ve realized that I need to piss, it’s like the feeling consumes me, taking most of my concentration to hold it in and not wet the bed like a fucking child.

“Alpha, I… I have to go to the bathroom…” I whisper sheepishly, hating to ask an alpha anything, especially since it involves letting my guard down enough to piss, but I don’t think I can wait for Gabe to wake up.

And, after how kind he was to me earlier, I definitely don’t want to be a burden to him and make him lose sleep.

“Oh, of course, my apologies for not thinking of this sooner,” the alpha says in a sheepish tone as well, the fact that he has apologized to me twice within the short time we’ve talked leaves me feeling even more confused. “Would you like me to wake Gabriel, or may I help you?”

For a few moments, I marvel at the feeling of simply being given a choice, so used to being ordered around instead of actively deciding anything.

“Ummm…” I start hesitantly, torn between not wanting this alpha to touch me, but also hating the idea of waking Gabe from his peaceful sleep after the kindness he showed me. 

“Y-You can help me,” I finally say with a heavy sigh, hoping with all my heart that I won’t regret giving this alpha permission to touch me.

After all, I trust Gabe, and he told me I could trust Castiel… 

And, if he’s wrong, it’s always better to find out now instead of later.

“Thank you,” the alpha says with a large smile heard clearly in his voice, his thanks, especially toward me, an omega, makes me feel even more lost and confused. “Are you comfortable with me picking you up and carrying you? I am aware of your most prominent injuries and I promise not to further aggravate them.”

Is... he serious?

Does this guy actually talk like this?!

I thought that Gabe was making a joke about the bees, and the anomalies, and all that shit…

But this is actually fucking real...

“O-Okay, Alpha,” I mutter hesitantly, taking one last sniff against Gabe’s neck, hoping that his lingering scent on my clothes will be enough to help keep me calm while I’m alone with this alpha.

As the alpha steps closer to me, his footsteps surprisingly light and unthreatening, I get a stronger whiff of his scent but, now that I’m not panicking as badly, it smells… pleasant…

Well, at least pleasant for an alpha…

While before I could only smell a vast number of trees in his scent, paired with strong ozone, the trees now smell like pine, reminding me of Christmas time and sitting around a toasty fire, enjoying hot chocolate with marshmallows as I watched Sammy tear into all his many gifts under the tree. 

Before I can dwell on how weird it is for an alpha’s scent to remind me of home, let alone Sammy, we reach the bathroom, the alpha somehow managing to open the door while gently holding onto me still.

“I will give you some privacy,” the alpha says easily, his unprompted willingness to leave me alone, rather than taking advantage of the fact that we are seperated from Gabe, fills me with shock. “I will be just outside the door, so tell me when you have finished and I will help you move to the kitchen so you can eat some soup.”

I open my mouth to tell him that I’m not hungry, not wanting to owe him any favors when I could just ask Gabe for food later, but my stomach has other ideas, deciding to growl loudly and obnoxiously. 

I immediately cringe, curling in on myself as I hope that Castiel won’t hurt me for showing how hungry I am. It’s not like I wanted my stomach to be so loud and annoying, but I can’t control it, and I’ve known him too short of a time to have any tells on what sets him off. 

It’s best to prepare for the worst...

Sadly, that’s something I’m really good at. 

Always preparing for the worst rather than hoping for anything good just makes everything hurt less. 

“Take your time, Omega, I will be right outside,” the alpha softly says, his words pulling me from my thoughts.

Moments later, the door gently clicks shut behind him, leaving me alone.

I’m alone now…

What the fuck just happened?!

Gabe really wasn’t lying…

This alpha is so fucking weird…

Not wanting to take this moment of solace for granted, I unzip my fly and relieve myself, thankful to not have an alpha towering over me and shouting at me to hurry up like usual.

Now that my bladder is no longer screaming in discomfort, I release a heavy sigh of relief, flushing the toilet then hopping over to the sink, taking great care to not put any pressure on my hurt leg or trip and fall onto my ass like an idiot.

As I wash my hands, I appreciate the scent neutral hand soap, not expecting something so… omega friendly.

Castiel and Gabe must share this bathroom…

For once, the thought of being in a place that an alpha regularly visits doesn’t fill me with fear, instead leaving me grateful that I am even allowed to use a real bathroom, which is something that is only ‘a privilege for good omegas’, according to Alastair.

God, I can’t believe I actually made it out of there…

I spent so many hours dreaming of escaping, but I actually did it…

I somehow made it out alive…

And, instead of dying in peace, which was the best I realistically thought I could ever get, I’m… safe?

Sure, Castiel could turn out to be an absolute dick who wants to destroy what little is left of me, but I’m holding onto the hope that Gabe was telling me the truth.

And, if he was wrong about Castiel, then at least I will still have Gabe.

I will have someone to comfort and hold me through the pain, which is so much more than I ever had with Alastair.

With renewed determination, knowing that, no matter how cruel this alpha treats me, there will still be some good, I call out, “I’m all done, Alpha.”

“Perfect,” the alpha says with what sounds like a smile, but I keep my eyes frimly rooted to the tile floor, not stupid enough to look at this alpha, no matter how strange he seems. “Now, I can support your weight and help you walk, or carry you again. If you feel strong enough, I can certainly help you walk, but I advise you not to push yourself and aggravate your leg or shoulder. Which do you prefer?”

Which… do I... prefer?

Is this alpha seriously giving me another choice?!

He’s given me more choices in the last few minutes than I’ve had in months...

After a few moments of struggling to find my voice, I weakly whisper, “I-I think I can walk, Alpha.”

“Of course,” the alpha easily agrees, no sign of anger or annoyance at me deciding something like I’m an actual person. “Remind me, your right shoulder is hurt? Later today Gabriel and I will make a sling so we don’t accidentally hurt it and it can heal better. We can also make a brace for your leg.”

Fear instantly fills my veins, causing me to start shaking in terror, my shoulder throbbing from the phantom pain of the knife, but I manage to whisper hesitantly, “Y-Yeah, it’s that one.”

Then, even though I know begging never works, I quickly and shakily plead, “Pl-please, d-don’t touch it, A-Alpha. D-Don’t h-hurt m-m-me.”

“Of course, Sweetheart, I don’t have any intention of hurting you,” the alpha adamantly says and, rather than mocking me or laughing at my pathetic attempts to protect myself, he speaks so kindly and softly.

Sweetheart…

Gabe called me that too…

And, maybe I should be worried, but I kinda like being called that…

It’s something new, not tainted by memories of my painful past like so many nicknames are.

“May I place your left arm around my shoulder now to help you walk?” The alpha asks, his voice sounding so close to me, close enough to touch me, but, rather than shaking harder at the proximity, I just jerkily nod my head in response.

With much more gentleness than any alpha should be capable of, he grabs my wrist. His thumb gingerly brushes over the bruises there for a few moments, the soft touch causing me to shiver violently.

“My apologies,” the alpha mutters as he stops rubbing my wrist, instead slowly moving my arm to wrap around his shoulders.

For a few seconds, I feel a strange sadness at the loss of his gentle touch, but I forcefully shove that feeling away, knowing that I can't afford to want any kindness from an alpha, no matter how strange he seems.

Surprisingly, rather than my arm having to lay at an awkward upward angle, it rests parallel to the alpha’s shoulders, telling me that we must be relatively the same height.

That realization causes me to shrink in on myself, knowing that Alastair hated how I was taller than him.

I really hope that this alpha doesn’t feel the same, especially since it’s something I can’t control at all…

At a pace that would even put snails to shame, the two of us slowly make our way out of the bathroom, the only indication of this while staring at the floor is the change from creme tile to soft beige carpet.

As we continue trudging along, I can’t help but curl in on myself further, expecting a swift and powerful backhand at any moment from this alpha because I am moving so slowly. I desperately don't want to feel that sharp, throbbing pain of a new blow, but knowing that it will arrive at any moment. 

“Take a deep breath, Omega,” the alpha’s deep, yet gentle voice rumbles from right beside my ear, the ghost of a touch of his hot, minty breath causes me to make myself as small as I can while still resting my weight on him. “I am not going to hurt you or do whatever terrible thing you think will happen. I am just helping you walk to the kitchen and get some food in you. Then you may rest. So, please, try to breathe deeply before you hyperventilate.”

By the end of his words, I suddenly become aware of the fierce tightness in my chest, accompanied by the familiar rush of blood roaring in my ears as my heart works overtime to keep me breathing. 

Even though it is extremely difficult, I manage to take in a large, shuddering breath that sounds more like a wheeze, but the alpha mumbles all the same, “There you go, Sweet Omega. You are doing so wonderful. Just keep breathing like that.”

It takes an unbearably long time to regain control of my breathing. Each time I get close, I'm reminded of the feel of this alpha’s minty breath touching my neck, reminding me how close he is and how easy he could shove me into the wall and lay into me, or simply push me to the floor and kick me until I fall unconscious. 

“Pl-Please,” I choke out in a raspy whisper once I am able to breathe again, albeit still too fast.

“Shhhh, you are safe here, Little Omega,” the alpha whispers in that same soft tone.

The lack of anger, or even irritation, in his tone or scent is what finally lets me start to calm down.

After a few more minutes of struggling to choke down my terror and breathe normally, I finally open my eyes again, finding that everything is blurry from tears that I didn’t realize I had shed. 

“There you go, you did so good, I am so proud,” the alpha softly says and, even though I can’t figure out why, his tone is filled with relief and sincerity, rather than the malice I am so used to.

And, even though it’s so fucking stupid, I feel something warm and pleasent bubble up in my chest, pushing away some of my ever-present fear and loneliness. 

Maybe that’s why, as we continue walking, I lean against him a little more than necessary, wanting to be close to him even though I should run for the nearest exit at the first chance I get. 

Maybe that’s why I don’t panic again despite being so close to an alpha, some of my fear floating away with each moment a new bruise doesn’t add to my vast collection.

“Here we are,” the alpha suddenly says and, even though his voice is still so soft, I jump at the sound of it.

Even though part of me is tempted to see where ‘here’ is, I don’t lift my head from my feet, not daring to anger this alpha, especially since this is the longest I have ever gone without an alpha hurting me.

“Take a seat here, I don’t want you kneeling on the floor with your leg the way it is,” the alpha continues as he slowly reaches across me, the action causing me to flinch violently away from him, but with my arm around his shoulders, there is nowhere for me to go.

After a few seconds of weakly trying to pull away from the alpha, he mutters, “Relax, Omega, I am just pulling out a chair from the table so you can sit. I need to reach here to grab it, but that is all.”

While whimpering in terror, I quickly lift my head, needing to know if he is telling me the truth. 

When I see his hand resting on the back of a normal, dark wooden chair with a light blue cushion for padding, I release a shaky breath and stop struggling entirely, too weak to fight anything anymore.

Because, even though it’s just a chair, anything can be used to hurt someone. 

And I’m just so tired of being hurt, especially by things that no one else would think twice of, like a stupid fucking chair. 

“You can sit down on the chair, Omega,” the alpha states after a few more moments of tense silence, his tone filled with… sadness?

“‘m not allowed a-at the table, Alpha,” I mutter as I shut my eyes tightly, wanting nothing more than to sink into a comfortable chair rather than my knees on the hard tile, but I know that this is a test.

He wants to be sure that I know my place.

And my place is on the floor, no better than a damn dog. 

If he thinks I don’t know my place, he might get rid of me, or send me to be retrained, and I just can’t ! 

“You are allowed to sit on any of the furniture in my house,” the alpha quietly says, his voice seems to be filled with even more sadness than before, but that just can’t be true. “I refuse to make Gabriel kneel on the floor. He may be an omega, but he is human first, so I treat him with the same respect I would those of any other status. The same goes for you; I don’t want you to kneel, especially while your leg is injured. Once you are healed, I hope that you will consent to sit on the furniture with us, but, if you truly are uncomfortable with it, you can go back to kneeling.”

For a few moments, I just stare at the back of the chair, opening and closing my mouth stupidly, feeling absolutely baffled by this alpha.

When I finally find my voice, I whisper “Thank you,” knowing that those words could never be enough, but the sudden tightness in my throat and heat behind my eyes makes it impossible to say anything more.

“You are very welcome, Little Omega,” the alpha whispers as he gently helps guide me into the seat and, as I sit on the cushion, I can’t help but release a content sigh, sinking into the chair in immense relief to be off my feet after the hours I spent walking in the woods to escape. 

“Now, do you prefer chicken noodle soup or tomato?” The alpha casually asks as his soft footsteps echo throughout the kitchen.

Even though I know it’s just a simple question, I’m being asked for my opinion for the first time in… fuck, I don’t know how long…

And god, I really don’t want to fuck this up…

I shouldn’t ask for this, but damn, it’s so nice to be asked a quetion like I’m a fucking person with wants and needs rather than a stupid animal that can’t do anything. 

Please, keep asking me questions.

Please, see that I’m here and that I’m real . 

I know I’m so fucked up, but I’m still here and, after the wonderful conversation I had with Gabe, I want more. 

“Omega, please, just be honest with me, there is no correct answer, I just want your personal preference,” the alpha says in a soft, earnest tone and, fuck, this alpha is actually being serious, he’s really giving me a choice and wants me to answer with my opinion. 

This alpha is gonna fuck me up more than Alastair ever could...

He’s going to dangle being an actual person in front of my face and, once I start to believe that I’m actually worth something, he’s going to take it all away and show me how stupid and usless and insiginifant I really am.

But, just like every other hell I’ve been through, I can’t change a damn thing.

So, until that day comes, fuck it. 

“C-Chicken noodle, pl-please,” I stammer, much more timid and unconfident than I wanted to be but, if I can eat something with actual meat in it, even if he beats me for being greedy and wanting it, that’s a huge fucking win.

“Coming right up,” the alpha easily says, then his light footsteps are met by softly closing cabinet doors and drawers.

Even though I know that this would be a good time to see what he looks like, especially since his back is probably turned toward me, I can’t bring myself to lift my gaze from the oak table, terrified that, the moment I try, he’ll turn around and punish me for disobeying that unspoken rule. 

Instead, I close my eyes, releasing another content sigh at the feeling of sitting on something other than the floor. 

Logically, I know that I should be on high alert, maybe mid panic-attack, but I’m too exhausted to focus on the fact that I don’t deserve this and that, like everything, this luxury will come at a big cost. 

After a few seconds of resting with my eyes closed, I hear heavy breathing. Immediately, I think that it must be coming from me and that I’m panicking more than I thought, but that’s weird because my chest doesn’t feel tight at all and I don’t feel light headed.

When I hear a loud thud of the soup can falling to the floor, I jump in my seat, torn between staying put, dropping to my knees, or approaching the alpha to grab the dropped can.

Deciding that the safest option is to stay in my seat, I hesitantly ask in a timid, shaky tone, “A-Alpha?”

While sighing heavily, sounding deeply weary and disturbed, the alpha quietly approaches me.

When he stops in front of me, my increased height in the chair allows me to see more of his body than I normally would, I realize with alarm that his hands are trembling violently at his sides.

This alpha is… shaking?

Is that why he dropped the soup?

What could possibly make an alpha so afraid that he starts shaking?!

I don’t understand...

None of this makes any fucking sense!

Feeling so shocked and confused that I forget my training of never speaking unless spoken to, I quietly ask, “What’s wrong, Alpha?”

“I’m scared,” the alpha whispers in a low, sad tone, his voice tight, making it sound like he’s on the brink of tears.

Okay, what the actual fuck?!

It’s one level of crazy to think that an alpha is scared, but for him to admit it, to an omega nonetheless, is fucking insane!

“S-Scared?!” I ask much louder than I know I should, my voice filled with absolute disbelief and shock. 

“Of fucking up,” the alpha--no, Castiel--whispers brokenly, the sadness and sincereity in his voice causing my breath to get caught in my throat, not knowing that it was possible for an alpha to be scared of fucking something up.

What is happening…

I’m so fucking confused…

Somehow, things become even more confusing when Castiel suddenly drops to his knees, not only putting his entire body in my field of view, but also making me above him, something that should never, ever happen.

Now that I can easily see him, the first thing I notice is that Castiel is wearing a long, tan trenchcoat, the worn fabric seeming to limply hang down his frame before falling onto the white tile floor, billowing around his knees and his faded and tattered blue-jeans. His shirt is a mix between white and beige, seeming like, maybe at one point, it was a pristine white, but years of wear and grime has changed the color permanently. The collar of his shirt tightly hugs his neck, stopping just below his adam’s apple that bobs up and down nervously as he swallows. His jaw is long and sharply defined, leaving no question that this man is an alpha, even though he might not act entirely like one. The slightest hint of stubble lines his chin and cheeks, making him seem a little older than I originally thought, maybe around 18 or 19. His plush, pale pink lips form a small, tight line, seeming like he is borderning on a frown, probably from me staring at him for so long, but he is trying to keep it from showing. Next, I notice that his nose seems to be a little crooked, almost as though it is shifted slightly to the left from a strong blow. His dark brown hair messily sticks up atop his head, falling down to cover the top of his forehead and the tips of his ears, sometimes spiking up at the top, making it seem like he doesn’t spend much time combing it. Lastly, I look into his open eye, feeling my breath get caught in my throat as I gaze into the pool of blue, reminding me of the rare and special times when Sammy and I used to swim and splash in the ocean, the comforting touch and weight of being surrounded by an ebbing and flowing body of water.

Wait a second…

I’m looking at an alpha…

And making eye contact…

And sitting above him…

Oh, fuck!

I’m so fucking dead !

Before I can slide off the chair and fall to my knees beside Castiel while begging for forgiveness, he gently and reverently grabs my left hand, his open eye locking onto mine yet again, seeming to dance in a dangerous, yet fragile storm of blue and green.

I can’t seem to look away, especially when, in a sad and sincere tone, Castiel says, “I really want to do right by you. You have been horribly abused and I know that it was an alpha who hurt you. I want to show you that I am nothing like that bastard, but I don’t know how to do that. You are clearly terrified of me and I don’t want you to be, but I don’t know how to show you that I just want to help you.”

Oh my god, what in the actual fuck is going on?!

An alpha is on his knees, telling me that he doesn’t want to hurt me, but he’s scared that he’s going to mess up?

As if things couldn’t get any worse, while still tenderly holding my hand, the alpha looks away from me, instead moving his eyes to the ceiling.

Why the hell is he looking at the ceiling?!

It looks really uncomfortable, especially with the way his neck is stretched so far back, exposing the pale skin on the length of his throat.

Wait…

Wait a fucking second…

He’s not looking at the ceiling…

He’s fucking submitting !

Oh my god, this alpha is submitting ?!

And to me?!

What the fuck?!

Oh my fucking god, why is an alpha submitting to me?!

What the fuck am I supposed to do?!

I’m snapped from my panicked thoughts when a low whine escapes Castiel, no doubt all of his instincts screaming at him for submitting, especially to an omega, yet he continues anyway.

His jaw is clenched tightly, his adam’s apple bobs uncomfortably with each strained swallow, yet he still holds that position, his only movement the trembling that has spread from his hands to his entire body.

An alpha is seriously submitting to me…

Castiel is obviously so uncomfortable with it, but he hasn’t moved yet…

Oh my god, is he waiting for me to accept his submission?!

I can’t fucking do this!

“Y-You d-d-don’t hav-ve t-to…” I whisper shaikly as I continue staring at his neck, so fragile and pale, yet he’s showing it to me willingly, even going against his biology to show me that he doesn’t want to hurt me.

Oh my god, he’s actually not going to hurt me…

No one would go through this much effort if it was a trick...

At first, Alastair wanted me to think that he was a kind alpha who would only punish when deserved, but he would never even think of stooping so low, of submitting to an omega.

This is too much…

Somehow, even though I told him he didn’t have to submit to me, he stays like that, his trembling even more violent, a few tears even slipping down his cheeks and sliding down his delicate neck, but he still doesn’t move.

Holy fuck, this alpha is actually waiting for me to accept his submission...

He’s a fucking alpha, he shouldn’t submit to anyone , yet he’s waiting for me to show him that I accept his display.

Fuck…

I have to accept him…

I don’t have any right to, but this alpha is honest to god going to stay here, in this horribly uncomfortable position that he so clearly hates, until I accept him…

Fucking hell, what kind of world did I wake up in?!

Finally, while taking a deep breath, I shakily release Castiel’s hand.

With my own hand trembling violently, I gently rub my knuckles against his throat.

As a shiver wracks his body, the movement making him seem even more vulnerable, I can’t help but think of how easy it would be to instead turn my hand around and squeeze.

From this position, it would be so easy to choke him…

All I would have to do is move my hand a bit and then squeeze until the light leaves his eyes.

With Alastair, I would have taken a chance like this and killed him without hesitation…

That’s… That’s the difference though…

With Alastair, I never would have gotten a chance like this.

He was never vulnerable around me, especially not to the point where I could kill him.

Castiel is purposely putting himself in potential danger…

He’s putting himself in a compromising position to show me that he doesn’t want to hurt me…

I’d be no better than Alastair or Azazel if I took this display of trust, kindness, and submission and used it to hurt him…

I don’t want to be like them…

“Thanks, Cas,” I whisper sincerely as I finally move my hand away, no longer gently brushing my knuckles against his throat to show him that I accept his submission.

Slowly, he lowers his head, no longer bearing his neck to me, instead allowing me to see his tear-stained cheeks.

That must have been so uncomfortable for him…

Not only did he submit to me, but for so long too…

His instincts must have been screaming at him to stop the whole time…

Damn, he has much better control than any alpha I’ve ever seen...

With a heavy sigh, Castiel meets my eyes, the turmoil present in his makes my own instincts demand that I fix it, that I make him feel better. 

Knowing what is expected of me, despite desperately not wanting to, I slowly tilt my head back.

To my absolute relief, only a second after I start, Castiel firmly barks out, “No, don’t submit to me.”

Even though my instincts scream at me that it’s wrong, I slowly lower my chin, having absolutely no idea why he would stop me, but so fucking thankful that he did.

When I meet his eyes again, Castiel says softly, “I didn’t do that because I wanted your submission in return. I don’t want you to ever submit to me unless you and your inner omega are so comfortable with me that you truly believe I will never hurt you. I understand if that doesn’t ever happen though.”

I just nod my head slightly in not only understanding but also agreeance, thinking that will never happen.

“I did this because I want you to know that I will never hurt you,” Cas continues with such sincerity that I can’t help but smile slightly at the thought, finding myself slowly starting to believe him. “That was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, I had to fight against every part of my alpha biology, but I did it because you deserve it. You deserve to know that you are safe here with me and Gabriel, and that is the only way I know how to show it so that you might believe me.”

“I…” I start quietly, but close my mouth again, unsure what to say in the face of such unmistakable kindness, so unlike everything an alpha has ever said to me.

Finally, with a heavy sigh, feeling like I need to say so much more, but not knowing how to, I honestly and sheepishly say, “I-I don’t know what to say… It’s been a long time since someone wanted me to feel safe.”

“You don’t have to say anything, Sweetheart,” Castiel immediately and adamantly says, the sincerity in his tone causing me to shiver, unable to imagine a world where I don’t have to say the right thing all the time, but wanting to believe it’s true. “You don’t have to weigh your words to try to please me or avoid punishment. I… I witnessed Gabriel go through that and I couldn’t live with myself if I forced someone else to experience that. I imagine it will be quite challenging at first, but that is quite alright.”

Then, slowly enough that I can easily pull away, Castiel gently reaches up to cup the side of my face.

Even though, logically, I know that I shouldn’t enjoy the touch of any alpha since it will only cause me more pain later, I can’t help but lean into the hand on my cheek.

When he begins rubbing gentle circles against my cheek with his thumb, I can’t help but whine softly as my eyes shut in bliss at being given such a kind, affectionate touch.

“I am so sorry to hear that no one has kept you safe from the horrors you have experienced,” Castiel softly says as he continues stroking my cheek, his touch, paired with his kind words, causes me to whine softly again. “Things will be different now, I promise. I don’t know how much you and Gabriel talked, but I hope he tried to convince you that I am not like most alphas.”

“I know you’re not,” I whisper without hesitation, knowing that, as he speaks to me so gently and holds me so tenderly, he could never be like most alphas. “I didn’t believe him, but now I do.”

“I am very glad to hear that,” Castiel says with a happy, bubbly giggle, the sound causing me to smile slightly as I move my left hand to rest it on top of his hand still cupping my cheeks. “I know it will take time, but, maybe one day, I hope that you will trust me. I appreciate the trust you have already shown me, and I apologize if I am overstepping any boundaries by touching you right now.”

Slowly, I open my eyes to look at Castiel, shocked by the earnest expression on his face, like he genuinely wants to be sure that I am okay with him touching me.

Not like he would care if I’m not okay with it though…

Or… Would he?

If I told him to stop touching me right now, would he actually?

Or is he simply bluffing to try to gain my trust?

“Please, stop touching me,” I whisper as I drop my hand from his, not actually wanting him to stop, but I need to know if he really is telling the truth. 

“Shit, I am so sorry, I knew I should have asked, you just looked so lost and sad and I ju-” Castiel says in a panicked and worried tone as he immediately moves his hand away from me, holding it out in front of him as if my words burned him.

“It’s okay,” I hurriedly say, cutting off his frantic stream of apologies before he can start to panic. “It was just a test. I… I liked it when you touched my face like that.”

The second I finish talking, I look down at my lap, hating the heat that rushes to my cheeks, feeling like a stupid middle schooler trying to confess my feelings all over again.

Before I can spend any more time wishing that I hadn’t opened my big mouth, Castiel hesitantly asks, “A test? I don’t understand...”

Surprised, I look up at Castiel and, oh my god, he looks so confused, he even has his head tilted to the side like a puppy.

How is this man an alpha?!

Hating that I have to explain how I tried to manipulate him, I hesitantly say, “You made it seem like if I asked you to stop touching me, you actually would. I… I’ve begged people to stop hurting me so many times, but no one ever listened. I-I wanted to see if you were telling the truth, so I asked you to stop even though I didn’t really want you to.”

“Oh, Sweetheart, I am so sorry to hear that,” Castiel says with a large frown, sounding genuinely upset by the way alphas have spent so long ignoring my pleas. 

Then, as his voice hardens from anger, Castiel grounds out through gritted teeth, “Those who hurt you are pathetic excuses for human beings. I hope they experience a truly pitiful life.”

Even though I try so hard to reign in my amusement, I can’t help but smile softly at his words, feeling a surge of joy at someone wanting to protect me, but still so unused to his weird way of saying everything.

“Did I say something humorous?” Castiel asks quietly as he tilts his head in confusion again, his question causing me to smile wider.

“Most people would just say ‘I hope they go to hell’, but your way works too,” I softly say with my smile still in place, marveling at being able to talk and smile, especially with an alpha, without fearing for my life.

“Ah, yes, people always say such mundane things,” Castiel says in a wistful tone and, if I couldn’t see his subtle smirk, I would think that he’s being serious, but... he’s joking… with me…

Feeling a surge of confidence at having an alpha talk to me like I’m a real person, I say with a smirk of my own, “Well, yeah, we can’t all talk as fancy as you do.”

Immediately, I wish I could take back my words, suddenly terrified that I stepped out of line and he’ll feel the need to punish me now.

After only a moment of panicking though, Castiel laughs loudly, the hearty, joyous sound instantly filling me with pride at making someone emanate such a gorgeous sound.

“I am honored to hear that you think I talk ‘fancy’,” Castiel says with another smirk after a few moments of laughing, his words, especially because of the lack of anger, make me feel strangely at ease again. 

I just smile softly in response, unable to bring myself to say 'you’re welcome,' even in a joking way, to an alpha, as if I am entitled to any sort of thanks from someone as powerful as him.

Together, we fall into silence but, for once, being in a quiet room with an alpha doesn’t fill me with blind terror.

Rather than curling in a ball in hopes to protect me when the silence turns into rage, I take this moment of silence to study Castiel and his home.

As I raise my gaze to look at the kitchen, a dark patch of skin on Castiel’s face catches my eye and fills me with shock.

Castiel… has... a black eye?

Oh my god, Gabe was serious…

Kids at their school really bully this alpha for not being like everyone else...

That fucking sucks…

“What sucks?” Castiel asks quietly and hesitantly, his words instantly ripping me from my thoughts and filling me with alarm.

I said that out loud?!

Oh my god, what other stupid shit have I said out loud?!

I must be more out of it than I thought…

I hope this doesn’t fuck up everything…

Please, tell me I didn’t fuck everything up!

Things were so nice for once!

Things were going good , and now I’ve gone and ruine-

“Hey, Omega, it is okay, please, take a deep breath,” Castiel’s soft, worried voice breaks through my panicked thoughts, suddenly making me aware of the building tightness in my chest.

Before my panic can spiral as far as it had earlier, I remind myself that this is Castiel and that he promised that he wouldn’t hurt me and that I’m starting to believe him.

After a few more moments of repeating that to myself, the tightness dissipates, allowing me to open my eyes to see Castiel looking at me with a slight frown, but, thankfully, no traces of anger.

“Are you back with me?” Castiel softly asks with a small, barely-there smile as the worry lines still crease his face.

Sheepishly, I nod my head as I look down at my lap, feeling absolutely mortified that an alpha has helped calmed me down twice in such a short time.

“Good, I am very glad to hear that,” Castiel says and, even though I know I’m wrong, it sounds like he means it, causing that warm feeling to spread through my chest, this time so strong that I bite my bottom lip to keep from giving in and smiling.

Spurred on by this strange new feeling and this strange new alpha, I blurt out the question that has been rattling around in my mind non-stop: “Why do you have a black eye?”

With a heavy sigh, making him sound much older and more troubled than he ever should be, Castiel sadly whispers, “The night we found you was challenging for both Gabriel and myself. He was punching the bathroom door and I knew he was hurting himself, so I opened the door to stop him, but he started punching me instead…”

“W-What did you do to him?” I ask after a few moments of reeling in shock at his words, trying to remember if Gabe had any obvious injuries, but I can’t think of any. 

There absolutely has to be some though, even if I didn’t see them.

No matter how kind Castiel is, omegas are not allowed to hurt their owners. 

Most owners who have been attacked send their omegas to the state, where they become agricultural workers or entertainment for brothels. 

And, even though it’s illegal, a lot also just kill their omegas on the spot, usually in front of the others as a warning.

Someone like Castiel though, who seems very attached to Gabe, must have made arrangements for him to be retrained. After an incident of an omega attacking an alpha or beta is reported, they have to be retrained within a week or else they will be collected by the state.

Gabe sure as hell didn’t seem like he just came from a training center, so he must not have gone yet...

“Omega?” Castiel asks softly, that same sadness in his tone, seeming like he knows why I got lost in my thoughts. 

“Yes, Alpha?” I ask hesitantly, instinctively tensing my body in preparation for a blow, knowing that alphas hate repeating themselves when their dumb omegas don’t listen the first time.

“I know what you are thinking, but none of that is going to happen to Gabriel,” Castiel says adamantly, the fierceness and protectiveness in his tone, especially for an omega, surprises me. “I didn’t report what he did to me, so no one is taking him away. And I definitely won’t send him off to be… punished as he thought I would.”

“But that’s illegal ,” I whisper hesitantly, not wanting to contradict an alpha, but knowing that he has to understand the severity of trying to protect Gabe from this.

Going to such lengths, even breaking the law, for an omega is such an unnecessary risk, one that Castiel probably doesn’t realize he is taking.

“I know it is, but I do not care,” Castiel says flippantly, his casual talk of breaking one of the most important laws pertaining to omegas leaves me feeling absolutely rattled. “I love Gabriel, and I would be willing to break a thousand laws to keep him in my life.”

“He’s an omega…” I whisper weakly, so hopelessly confused as to why an alpha would go through such trouble to protect their omega. 

“He is also my little brother, and I would do anything to keep him safe,” Castiel says in that same adamant tone and suddenly I am flashed back in time, standing up to the biggest bullies at my school because they hurt Sammy; even though I got my ass kicked, I was willing to do it all again to keep them away from him.

For the first time, I think I understand where Castiel is coming from. If Sammy turned out to be an omega, I would do anything I could to protect him from this shitty world, to keep him from experiencing even half of what I have been through. 

I would break every law in the whole damn world to keep Sammy safe. 

“I… I would have done the same for my brother, had our roles been reversed,” I whisper so quietly that I’m unsure if he will even hear me, but feeling compelled to show him that I really do understand him now. “You… You’re a good person, Cas, better than this world deserves.”

“Thank you,” Castiel whispers in a soft, awe-filled voice, sounding truly happy from hearing my words. 

Slowly, I lift my head and shakily smile at Castiel, feeling my stomach flutter at the gigantic grin on his face and the pure fondness and admiration in his gaze. 

“Why do you look at me like that?” I ask quietly and hesitantly, not wanting to press my luck by talking so much, but feeling so lost by the unmistakable fondness I see. 

“Like what?” Castiel asks softly, his smile fading slightly as he tilts his head to the side in confusion. 

“Like I’m not a worthless piece of shit,” I mutter as I lower my gaze to my lap again, not wanting to see the disgust on his face when he realizes that he was looking at me like I mean anything.

When a soft, tentative hand suddenly rests under my chin, I can’t help but flinch and whimper, terrified that the hand will turn harsh and choke me.

“Shhhh, you are safe, I just want to see your face, Sweetheart,” Castiel whispers kindly, and, even though he could easily force my chin up to meet his gaze, he doesn’t, just softly rests his fingers against my chin and jaw.

Encouraged by his words and lack of aggression, I slowly raise my head to look him in his open eye. 

“Omeg-” Castiel starts in a soft and serious tone, that earnest expression on his face again, but I cut him off, wanting to be more than just ‘Omega’ in his eyes.

“Dean,” I whisper shakily, closing my eyes tightly as I tense up once again, afraid of the repercussions of not only speaking out of turn, but also interrupting an alpha to do so.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel rumbles with what sounds like a gigantic smile, my name in that deep voice of his causes me to shiver violently, especially after so long without hearing anyone call me by my name.

Even though I’m still worried, I slowly open my eyes to find Castiel smiling even wider than before, looking at me like I am the most valuable thing in the whole damn world. 

And damn, doesn’t that look make me feel special…

“H-Hi, Cas,” I whisper nervously, feeling heat rush into my cheeks, blushing at someone for the first time in god knows how long.

Before I can berate myself for acting like a damn middle schooler blushing at their crush, Cas giggles softly, the sweet, melodic sound causes me to melt, leaning into his hand on my chin.

“Dean, you are worth so much; I hope one day you will realize that too,” Cas whispers sincerely, once again looking at me with such fondness that I feel like my heart might actually burst. “When I look at you, I see a warrior. You have been through horrors I can’t even imagine, yet you stay so strong. I can’t even fathom how you can stand to be in the same room as me, let alone allow me to touch you because I am like the alphas who hur-”

“You’re not the same, not even close,” I adamantly say, not wanting him to finish that sentence when it is so fucking far from the truth. “Alphas are the biggest assholes in the whole world, you are nothing like them.”

The second I finish, I close my eyes tightly and shiver violently from fear, realizing that I just cursed, something that would have gotten me whipped at Alastair’s. 

“If that is true, why do you seem terrified of me?” Cas asks quietly and hesitantly, the sadness in his voice causing me to wince, hating that I am bringing so much discomfort to the kindest alpha I’ve ever met. 

“I’m used to being whipped for far less than cursing,” I say bluntly as I slowly meet his open eye, hoping that I can make him understand. 

“Jesus, Dean,” Cas mutters under his breath as he begins stroking his thumb across my cheek, the tender feeling, paired with the kindness and horror in his tone, causes me to smile sadly at him.

“I don’t think you will hurt me like that, but it’s hard to remember that people can be kind,” I continue with a heavy sigh, hating that I’m talking so much, but at the same time enjoying the fact that I actually can talk to someone without being punished. “It’s… It’s hard to remember where I am. I keep thinking I’m back with him and it’s the worst feeling ever. I’ll do something, and then I hear his voice yelling at me from when I did that before, and then I get scared because I think I’m back there. It’s not really you that I’m scared of though, Cas. So, yeah, I’ll shut up now, sorry for talki-”

“Hey, no, I like it when you talk,” Cas whispers softly, gently cutting off my words and, instead of flinching, I smile softly at him, not used to someone actually liking it when I speak, but realizing that this is something I could get used to. “Thank you for trying to help me understand, Dean. I know that I will never truly understand what you are going through, but I am starting to. Sometimes Gabriel will flashback to… bad times, and I have to bring him back to the present. For several moments he is terrified and looks at me like I am one of the monsters who harmed him, but I know that he is lost in his memories and doesn’t believe I will hurt him in such a way. Is it like that for you too?”

For a few seconds, I am stunned into silence, shocked by the fact that someone, an alpha nonetheless, could come so close to understanding some of what goes on in my fucked up brain. 

“It’s… Yeah, it’s a lot like that,” I say breathlessly, still reeling over the fact that I am now in the care of an alpha who doesn’t want to hurt me, but is also able to understand me better than I thought could even be possible.

“That is very useful information, thank you, Dean,” Cas says with a large, genuine smile, his words causing me to blush profusely as I look down at my lap in embarrassment, finding it strange yet wonderful to have someone thank me like that. “When you do flashback, is there anything I can do to help you?”

Startled, I look up at Cas, searching his face for any sign of a trap, but he looks earnest and hopeful yet again, like he genuinely wants to help me when I am struggling.

And damn, maybe he actually does want to help me...

I can’t even begin to guess why he would want to, but it would sure as hell be nice if every panic attack didn’t end with me passing out from lack of oxygen, allowing anyone to do anything they want to me, no matter how horrib-

“Dean?” Cas softly asks as moves his hand from my jaw to instead gently card through my hair, bringing me back to the present. “Are you back with me?”

“I like it when you touch me,” I blurt out without thinking as he continues playing with my hair, the calming and gentle sensations helping me feel more at ease. 

The second I speak, I cringe, hating that I sound like a needy and whiny omega craving the attention of an alpha, which is something I have never, ever wanted to be. 

“I am very pleased to hear that,” Cas rumbles with a smile heard in his low, deep voice, his words once again causing me to shiver, but not out of fear for once, my instincts telling me that, whenever Cas speaks, I am safe, but I don’t know how that could be true. “Is there anything else I can do to help you calm down?”

“I-um sometimes I won’t respond well to being touched though…” I start hesitantly, not wanting to make things confusing by contradicting what I just said, but knowing that, if I ever flashback to The Post again, touching me will not go well. “Usually by then I’m so far gone that I can’t really breathe, and then I pass out…”

“So, if you are having trouble breathing, you would like me to help you with that rather than touching you?” Cas asks after a few seconds of silence, seeming like he was deep in thought, mulling over my stupid words as if they mean shit. “Do I understand correctly?”

Slowly, I nod my head, not wanting to ask anything of this kind alpha, especially when it comes to dealing with my bullshit, but he asked me a direct question, and I just can’t avoid answering him.

“That is very helpful, I thank you deeply for sharing that with me, I can’t even imagine how challenging it must have been to trust me with that,” Cas says happily and, if it was anyone else saying that, I would think he’s making fun of me, but he’s actually serious. “I am afraid to admit that I feel very out of my element when it comes to helping you, so any advice you have to offer I will gladly take.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, I think you’re doing a great job so far,” I whisper sheepishly as I slowly lift my head to look at him, unable to take the thought of this absolutely amazing alpha thinking that he isn’t good enough. “Honestly, you’re so amazing, Cas. I owe everything to you and, even though that thought makes me terrified, I don’t think you will use that against me. Fuck, you really are helping me just because you’re a good person, aren’t you?”

“I am, Dean,” Cas says with his soft smile still in place, but it takes on a slightly sad edge as he continues, “You don’t owe me anything. If I was only interested in what I could gain from you, I never would have helped you. It is obvious that the only thing you could offer me is your body, and I refuse to take that from you. Ever . You have nothing to offer me, and that is perfectly fine. So, please, don’t feel like you are obligated to please me or make it up for me helping you. I am doing this because I want to, not because I expect something out of you.”

For a few seconds, I just stare at Cas, trying to find any sign that he’s lying to me to keep this deadly hope from building in my chest, but I can’t find anything.

Fuck, he’s actually telling me the truth…

He’s helping me, for literally nothing in return…

If he wanted to use me, I wouldn’t even think twice. Hell, I might even enjoy it, I’m sure he would be much more gentle than Alastair or his friends. But he doesn’t even want that…

Against my will, a loud, ugly sob tears through my chest, the force of it shaking my entire body. 

“I am so sorry, I said something stupid, didn’t I?” Cas asks in alarm as he quickly scrambles to his feet, his forehead creased with worry as he looks down at me.

And, even though having an alpha standing above me would normally make me terrified, I don’t feel even the slightest twinge of fear, instead, immense relief and gratitude flow through me. 

After shaking my head that he didn’t say anything wrong, I lean forward, resting my forehead against his stomach as I loosely wrap my unhurt arm around his lower back.

“Oh,” Cas mutters softly in understanding as he moves a little closer to me, making it so I don’t have to stretch my neck as far to lean against him. 

“I’ve got you, Dean,” Cas whispers with a soft smile heard in his voice, moving his hand from my hair to instead cradle the back of my head to his stomach, holding me close as I sob, but not confining me in any way. 

“You are so very strong, I hope you know that,” Cas tenderly says as he continues holding me close, seeming to not care that his nice creme-colored t-shirt is being covered in a mess of my snot and tears. “I am immensely glad that I found you.” 

Even though I don’t believe his words, can’t even think about believing them, I smile through my tears, glad that he found me as well. 

After escaping Alastair’s, I thought that the best I could get was a peaceful death, but I’m starting to think that this is much better. 

It takes a few more minutes, but I finally manage to stop sobbing, instead just sniffling occasionally as I keep my face firmly pressed against Cas, not wanting to let go of him. 

“Better?” Cas asks softly and, somehow, there is no judgment in his tone, as if he doesn’t care that I just absolutely ruined his clothing by crying like a baby. 

Even though I feel embarrassed by my outburst, I can’t help but nod, feeling much better after being able to so freely release my emotions, something that I haven’t done… well, ever, I think.

I feel like I really shouldn’t have done that, but I can’t help but feel glad that I did, feeling less like, at any second now, the whole world will suffocate me under its massive weight. 

“Good, I am very glad,” Cas says with a soft smile heard as he releases his hands from my head, but doesn’t force me away from him, instead allowing me to move when I want to, and damn, that makes me even more appreciative of him now. “Now, I imagine you are very hungry. And I did promise you a bowl of chicken noodle soup.”

The second he finishes, my stomach decides to make its presence known, growling loudly and obnoxiously. The horrible sound causes me to flinch, remembering how much Alastair hated when I showed any neediness, but Cas just chuckles softly, seeming not even the least bit bothered by the noise. 

Deciding that I really would like food, I move my hand away from his back and instead pull away from him, using that free hand to wipe the tears from my eyes.

Hesitantly, I look up at Cas and, even though I must look like a disgusting mess covered in snot and dirt, he smiles down at me widely, once again looking at me like I’m so damn important to him, but I just can’t understand how.

“I can’t believe someone so amazing exists…” I mutter under my breath as Cas starts walking toward the kitchen, but he must have heard me still, the room becoming coated in the crisp, sweet scent of a forest after a fresh rain, making it seem like he is absolutely thrilled to hear that. 

Without any more trouble, Castiel returns to the kitchen, opens the can, then pours the soup into a bowl, seeming much calmer and happier after our conversation.

“I apologize that it is cold, our microwave isn’t functioning at the moment,” Cas murmurs as he places the bowl in front of me, afterward running a hand down the back of his neck, seeming embarrassed that he isn’t giving an omega hot food, as if I am entitled to anything at all, let alone something nice enough to have real meat in it. 

“Thank you, Cas,” I whisper sincerely, trying to convey how much this means to me, but that frown stays on his face, seeming like he doesn’t believe me and still wants to do more for me. 

“Seriously, I… fuck, I don’t even know how to express how much this all means to me,” I whisper as more stupid tears rush to my eyes, unable to look at him anymore or else I might start to cry again. “I thought I was going to die, but you saved me. You actually saved me. And you’re so kind to me and I don’t understand why, but I really appreciate it. And you’re worried about giving me cold soup, but the last thing I ate was a few pieces of dog food I managed to steal days ago. I… fuck… I just-”

Even though there’s so much more I want to say, I can’t continue, my throat becoming tight once again from the gratitude I feel, more tears wanting to claw their way free, but I hold them back. 

“Dean,” Cas says, his voice filled with so much sadness that I can’t help but look up at him again, shocked that someone would feel anything but hatred for me so strongly. “I show you this kindness because you deserve it. You deserve so much more than this shitty world can give you. You deserve so much more than my financial situation can give you, but I will try my best, because you deserve it.”

After clearing my throat against the building emotion and tightness, I hesitantly whisper, “Cas, I don’t know how you could say that about me. I… God, I’ve done some seriously awful shit to survive. I don’t deserve anything after what I did.”

When I finish, I shiver violently, remembering the feeling of plunging the knife into Azazel’s stomach, the force I had to use to tear through flesh, muscles, and tissues, all to ensure that he wouldn’t live another day.

“I don’t care,” Cas says adamantly and, once again, I look up at him in surprise, not understanding how he can just accept the fact that I have done awful things without question. “No matter what you’ve done, the horrible things that have been done to you will always be worse.”

“Have you ever killed someone?” I blurt out before I can think better of it, not planning on actually telling him what I did, but some part of me wanting him to know what a monster I am before he showers me with so much undeserved kindness.

Instead of looking at me with confusion, fear, anger, or disgust, none of which I would have been surprised about, Cas says in a strong, firm tone without hesitation, “No, but I have wanted to with every fiber of my being.”

“Really?” I ask just above a whisper, feeling shocked that someone who gives kindness like it is all he knows could ever think about killing someone, let alone actually wanting to do it.

“Yes, I have spent hours imagining the most painful ways I could kill those who hurt Gabriel,” Cas confesses and, even though I expected some kind of shame or remorse, his voice only holds poorly concealed anger, sounding like he is trying hard to hold back a growl. “I would have killed them already, but I know that would mean that Gabriel would be taken from me and given to an alpha no better than those bastards. So, if you have killed someone, I will not judge you. I do not believe you would do that without reason.”

For a few seconds, I am stunned into silence, trying to imagine Cas being moments away from killing someone, but the thought of Gabe in pain being the only thing that stops him. 

And damn, it’s really impossible to think of him like that. 

But... He sounds like he’s telling the truth, especially when he says that he won’t judge me.

Maybe I’m a fucking idiot but, after taking in a shaky breath, I hesitantly whisper, “Part of me regrets it, but I had to do it.”

When Cas doesn’t interject to question me, I feel a little more confident, allowing me to continue, “My alpha was gone for the weekend, so I thought that I would finally be able to rest, but his brother had other ideas. He spent hours… fuck, he strung me up and he…”

I trail off there, shivering at the memory of my wrists dangling from the chains on the ceiling, dislocating my shoulder from the strain of not being able to convince my exhausted legs to hold me upright any longer. 

“Take a deep breath, Dean, you aren’t there anymore,” Cas whispers in a soft, yet firm tone, his voice bringing me back to the present.

Just like he asked, I take a deep breath, that first large breath helping to ease some of the building tightness in my chest, causing me to quickly gulp in more air. 

A few moments later, when I feel calm enough to continue, I shoot him a shaky and grateful smile before looking down at my lap again and whispering, “He came back for me the next day and made me come to his bedroom. He pushed me on the bed and started to kiss me, shoved his whole fucking tongue down my throat.”

“Oh, Dean, I am so sorry this happened,” Cas says in a sad, choked voice, sounding like he is on the brink of tears, but I can’t bring myself to look at him to see if he really is.

Knowing that, if I don’t continue now I will lose my nerve and never finish, I softly continue, “I don’t remember why, but he stabbed me, right in my dislocated shoulder. And it made me so fucking angry. Even though my alpha was cruel, he never did anything to cause irreplaceable damage. I realized that I might never use that arm again because of him, and it made me want to kill him.”

“That bastard deserved it,” Cas says in a low, angry tone, the unmistakable rumble of a growl heard as he speaks.

For a few seconds, I am too shocked to speak.

I have heard an alpha growl a terrifying amount of times, but that was always them growling at me because they were furious at something I did. Cas is growling for me  because he is angry at what’s been done to me , not what I’ve done.

And damn, isn’t that one of the weirdest things I’ve ever thought, yet somehow it’s actually true. 

“He… He told me that he was going to tie me to his bed and spend the whole night fucking me, and I thought that I would break or maybe die if he did that, so I had to kill him,” I whisper while shivering, hating that I have to say this out loud, but not wanting Cas to think that I didn’t have a good reason for doing this. 

After all, Cas could easily report me as a runaway and a murderer. If I thought he would, I never would have told him this, but, if I tell him everything, hopefully he will be even less likely to do so. 

“Please, tell me he didn’t do that to you,” Cas pleads in a choked voice, once again sounding like he is on the brink of tears.

“No, he didn’t get a chance to since I asked him if I could give him a blow job; that way he would be distracted when I tried to kill him,” I continue with a bitter laugh, hating that I had stooped so low that I begged a monster to let me pleasure him. “He was so busy getting off that he didn’t notice me take the knife out of my shoulder and plunge it into his stomach.”

“So he’s dead?” Cas asks with a heavy sigh, sounding immensely relieved that I killed someone. 

“Yeah, but he sure as hell didn’t go down without a fight,” I say with another bitter laugh, feeling a twinge of pain shoot through my back, remembering the blinding pain as the bullet tore through my skin. “As I was trying to climb out the window, he shot me in the back. If he wasn’t so hurt, he would’ve gone for my head and just killed me. He was lining up another shot, so I had to get out through the window, and I broke my leg since we were on the second floor.”

“Jesus, Dean, how are you even alive ?!” Cas asks in a loud, disbelieving tone, seeming truly shocked and appalled at what I went through to escape.

For the first time since I started telling him what happened to me, I look up at him, doing a double-take when I realize that his nose and cheeks are splotched with red as big, fat tears race down his cheeks.

He is actually crying over what happened to me…

Damn, Cas actually cares about me...

How did I get so fucking lucky to be found by him?!

“You’re the reason I’m alive, Cas,” I whisper with a soft smile as I continue looking at him, smiling wider at the surprise that flashes across his face. “I mean sure, I got out by myself, but I would have died in a pool of my own fucking blood and vomit if you hadn’t saved me.”

For several moments, Cas doesn’t say anything, just opens and closes his mouth several times as tears continue trailing down his face, seeming like he is entirely at a loss for words. 

Deciding to help him, I hesitantly start, “You told me that I don’t have to worry about saying the right thing to you, and I really appreciate it. I want you to feel the same way too. I’ve been through a lot of shit and I know I’m so fucked up, but I don’t need any sympathy or apologies for what I’ve gone through. I just want you to understand that I’m not a helpless victim here and that I’ve done my fair share of awful things too. I understand if you want to report me becaus-”

“No, I will not report you,” Cas adamantly says with another growl, his words causing me to smile softly as I release a heavy sigh, so thankful that he really won’t get me into trouble. “Just like with Gabriel, I will never send you anywhere to be hurt or trained or anything . Until you decide that you want to leave, you’re stuck here with hopelessly awkward Castiel.”

With a shy smile, hoping I’m not overstepping here, I softly whisper, “I kinda like ‘hopelessly awkward Castiel’”. 

“I am very glad to hear that,” Cas says with a gigantic smile, the sight of it causing me to smile back happily as well, thankful that he doesn’t seem upset at all by me trying to joke around with him. “I like you too, Dean.”

Once again, his words cause me to blush like a middle schooler as I smile wider than I have in forever, feeling warmth build in my chest after hearing that someone likes me. 

After a few moments of just smiling at each other, my stomach decides to make its presence known once again, the obnoxious noise causes Cas to laugh as I blush harder.

Slowly, I turn away from Cas and the chair he’s in to instead face my bowl of soup. In a black and white checkered ceramic bowl sits my soup, the golden broth complete with long, stringy noodles and chunks of carrots, celery, and chicken.

Hesitantly, I grab the spoon, so tempted to dig into it, but not wanting to make a bad impression by starting to eat without being told that I can.

“Dean, you can go ahead and eat it,” Cas whispers after a few more seconds I spend waiting, his tone sounding sad once again, but I don’t know why, especially since that’s how everything works.

Without being told twice, I softly whisper, “Thank you, Cas,” then begin quickly shoveling the soup in my mouth. 

“Careful, I am worried you will throw up with how quickly you are eating,” Cas hesitantly says after I have practically inhaled several bites of soup, sounding like he doesn’t want to interrupt me, but also that he can’t let me continue in good conscious. 

Immediately, I drop the spoon and mutter, “Sorry, Alpha, I’m so sorry. I promise you I won’t throw up again. I’ll be good, I promise.”

When a hand lands in my hair, I tense instinctively, waiting for them to grab the strands and tug hard, tearing my hair from the roots, but the pain never comes. Instead, the hands gently move from the crown of my head to the back of my neck, coming close to the nape of my neck, but never touching there. 

After a few moments, I finally start to relax and lean into the soft touch, whining softly in bliss as they start to use their nails to scratch my scalp as they continue playing with my hair.

“Are you back with me?” Cas gently asks after a while longer of playing with my hair, the sound of his voice instantly helps me relax further, even though I have no idea why that is. 

While taking care to not dislodge his hands, I slowly nod my head, not wanting to speak yet, scared that doing so will end this nice moment and make him stop playing with my hair. 

“I am glad to have you back, I was worried about you,” Cas whispers as he continues his ministrations and, even though it really shouldn’t be possible, I believe him and that he was genuinely worried about me. “I didn’t mean to set you off, I just didn’t want you to get sick. I deeply apologize for causing you discomfort.”

“Not your fault, Cas,” I murmur as I lean into his touch further, still not wanting to talk yet, but knowing that I need to assure him that he didn’t do anything wrong, especially since his gentle caresses are making me feel so good right now. “‘S my fault. My head’s fucked up.” 

“That is most definitely not your fault, Dean,” Cas says in a stern tone, but there is no heat or anger behind his words, so I don’t even think about feeling afraid of him right now, especially when he touches me so nicely. “The only people who should be blamed are the ones who hurt you. Okay?”

“Okay,” I agree with a soft smile, not really believing him, but willing to agree if it means he will keep touching me like this longer.

After several more minutes of him playing with my hair, I begin to feel more lucid and less like I am floating, torn between the past with Alastair’s cruelty and the present with Cas’ unwavering kindness. 

“Thank you,” I say softly with another heavy sigh, feeling a little embarrassed that he has helped me through who-knows-how-many freakouts now, but he doesn’t seem angry or annoyed, so I count this as a win overall.

“Anytime, Dean,” Cas says with a smile heard in his voice, his words causing me to smile as well, thankful that both him and Gabe are willing to help me through all my bullshit. “Are you ready to resume eating?”

Even though I don’t ever want him to stop, I nod my head, my gnawing hunger winning out my stupid desire to be touched and petted like I’m a fucking animal. 

Without another word, Cas stops playing with my hair, causing me to start eating again, but this time much slower, not wanting to be even more of an inconvenience by throwing up all this nice food.

When my food is almost halfway gone, I quietly and hesitantly ask, “Cas, Why don’t you have electricity?” 

As Cas releases a heavy sigh, I almost want to take the question back, scared of his reaction, but I remind myself that this is Cas and that, so far, he has only ever been good to me.

While sounding sad once again, Cas softly says “My father was furious when I claimed Gabriel and took him away. He blacklisted my name and removed me from our family, so I haven’t been able to find a job. He also cut me off from the family funds, so the only money I have is what I accumulated while still living with them. We were given weekly allowances and, luckily, I saved all of it for now.”

For a few seconds, I am stunned into silence, not even eating my soup as I mull over his words and how much of an impact that must have on his life. 

To his father, it could have been just a split-second decision out of anger, but it has led Cas to a life of poverty to the point that he can’t even pay his electric bill.

“Wow… Fathers fucking suck,” I mutter angrily under my breath, hating how someone who is supposed to be family could be so cruel. “Mine sold me during my first heat.”

“Oh my god, that is horrible!” Cas loudly exclaims in alarm, seeming deeply disturbed by what John did to me. “I am so sorry that happened!”

“Thanks… It’s been rough ever since, but I’m hoping that something good might have come out of it,” I whisper shyly once again, hating that, even after the hellish years I have been through, meeting Cas might make it all worth it.

“I hope so too,” Cas whispers with another smile of his own, a slight pink hue creeping into his cheeks, the sight of it causing me to hold back a smirk, thankful that I’m not the only one who’s a blushing mess.

As I eat the rest of my soup, we fall into silence, but I don’t feel nervous for once. Instead, I enjoy the feeling of being full, sitting someplace comfortable, and not being terrified that at any moment I could suddenly take a beating. 

Once I’m done eating, Cas kindly asks “Would you like to go rest some more now that you have finished?”

“I… Can we go outside?” I ask nervously, knowing that I really shouldn’t ask for anything more of Cas but, with how nice he has been to me, I can’t help but hope that he will let me go in the sun for a bit. “I get it if you don’t want me to, but it’s been such a long time, and I just really want to…” 

I force myself to stop talking by biting my bottom lip, hoping that my request won’t make him mad or think that I’m greedy. 

“I will gladly take you outside, Dean,” Cas says with a large smile in his voice and, even though I know hoping for anything will only lead to disappointment, I quickly look up at him, pleading that he actually lets me do this. “Today is very beautiful and the sunshine will only help with your recovery.”

“Really?” I ask just above a whisper, trying so fucking hard to hold back my hope, but the thought of actually going outside just sounds so amazing.

“Of course, I promise you that things will be different here,” Cas promises and, even though I already knew that things were so different here, hearing him say it almost makes me cry again. “We can go outside whenever you want to, Dean, all you have to do is ask me. I promise you that I will never get mad at you for asking me things, whether it be a question or something you want. Once you can walk on your own, you can spend all the time you want to out there, as long as you don’t travel too far and get lost.”

“Thank you, Cas,” I whisper as tears rush to my eyes, feeling so fucking thankful that he is being so kind to me and even letting me go outside. “I… fuck, it’s been years since I’ve felt the sun and I… thank you, seriously.”

“Oh, Sweetheart, I am so sorry you have been denied that as well,” Cas whispers sincerely as he gently grabs my hand, holding it in his own to comfort me. “I will never do that to you.”

“I know, and I really appreciate that,” I softly say with another shy smile, not really thinking that Cas would do something like that to me, but so fucking glad to hear him confirm it out loud.

“It is my pleasure, Dean,” Cas says with a smile of his own, and damn, hearing that makes me feel so damn special. “Would you rather walk or have me carry you?”

“I… my leg hurts pretty badly…” I mutter sheepishly, too embarrassed to ask him to carry me, instead hoping that this will be enough for him to understand what I want from him.

“Of course, I have no issue with helping you in whatever way I can,” Cas gently says as he squeezes my hand reassuringly, his ability to say exactly what I need to hear makes me feel even more appreciative of him. “I apologize for not having anything to help with your pain; we really can’t afford anything that isn’t essential to survival.”

“It’s okay, I’m used to being in pain,” I say a little sadly, hating how normal pain is within my life, but thankful that it isn’t as bad right now as I thought it would be. “Actually, I feel better right now than I have in a while.”

“I am glad you feel better right now,” Cas says, but his voice sounds a little sad again, as if he wants to do more for me on top of everything else. “You have had several days of rest since I found you, so I am sure that has helped speed up your recovery.”

“Wait, seriously?!” I ask in surprise, a little concerned to know that I have been here for who-knows-how-long while unconscious. “What day is it?!”

“Today is Thursday,” Cas says slowly, seeming to be worried about my reaction, and rightfully so. “I found you very early Monday morning.”

“I’ve been out for days ,” I whisper shakily, feeling a pit settle in my stomach, nausea rising in me as I hope that my soup doesn’t return after all. 

“Dean, I don’t think I understand,” Cas hesitantly says after a few moments of silence, sounding deeply confused and worried. “Isn’t it good that your body was given a chance to heal?”

Deciding to be honest with him after everything I have already shared, I stare down at our interlocked hands and softly say, “Bad things happen when I’m unconscious.”

“Oh, Dean, I promise you that we didn’t do anything like that to you,” Cas says in that same sad tone that I’m starting to get so damn tired of, hating that I’m hurting one of the few people who have been kind to me. “Do you remember when I told you earlier that I won’t take advantage of you or let you use your body to repay me?”

Once I hesitantly nod my head, Cas continues, “I truly meant that, Dean. I stood by that from the first moment I saw how hurt you were. And, after talking to you, I only believe it more firmly. You should be the only one who dictates what is done with your body; it is truly despicable that so many have taken this from you, but I promise that I will never be one of them.”

“Thank you,” I whisper with a heavy sigh of relief, feeling much calmer now that I know that Cas really didn’t do anything to me. 

It’s gonna be difficult to remember that he doesn’t want me the way other alphas have, but I think it will be a nice change from the hell I’ve experienced in Alastair’s bed. 

“You are very welcome; I enjoy helping you,” Cas softly says with another shy smile, a slight blush creeping into his cheeks as he continues, “I enjoy talking to you too.” 

“Never thought I would say this to an alpha, but it’s really nice talking to you too,” I say with a smirk, smiling deeper when I see his blush grow even brighter.

After awkwardly clearing his throat, Cas asks, “Now, are you ready to go outside?”

“Um, yeah?” I hesitantly say, my nervousness making my words sound more like a question.

Even though my leg hurts, I haven’t really been carried since I was a child, not counting earlier with Cas helping me to the bathroom since it was only a few seconds and I was too panicked to really know that was even happening. So, while I believe that Cas won’t try to hurt me, he might accidentally jostle my shoulder or touch my bullet wound, both of which would hurt like hell.

“Try not to worry, I promise I will be as gentle as I can when carrying you,” Cas says with another sad smile, once again seeming to know exactly what to say to help ease my fear.

After taking a deep breath to steel myself, I nod my head, trying to be brave, especially since I have been through so much worse, but it’s hard.

With Alastair, I knew that he was a sick, twisted bastard.

Cas seems so kind and gentle and genuine, and I want him to be good.

I want him to be a genuinely good person so fucking badly. 

If he turns out to be cruel like Alastair, especially if he gains more of my trust, it will break me.

Fuck... Cas is gonna be the one to break me.

All of Alastair’s cruelty couldn’t do it, but, the second I’m shown kindness, I’m ready to fucking shatter. 

“Please, don’t drop me,” I beg as Cas carefully scoops me into his arms, hoping that he will realize how important this is to me and that, if he does hurt me, I just can’t fucking take it.

“Never,” Cas adamantly says as he holds me a little tighter to his chest, but without aggravating my injuries or making me feel trapped. “I’ve got you, Dean, and I promise you that I won’t let you go.”

While smiling softly at his sappy promise, I slowly lift my unhurt arm and wrap it around his shoulders and the back of his neck, feeling safe enough to hold him so it’s even harder for me to fall and shatter like a hapless vase on the harsh tile floor. 

Carefully, Cas opens the front door, the light from outside immediately causing me to wince as I shut my eyes tightly.

“Everything okay?” Cas asks before continuing outside, sounding genuinely concerned and worried about my well-being yet again.

“Bright,” I mutter as I keep my eyes firmly shut against the harsh light.

“Do you still want to go out?” Cas asks hesitantly, the concern and care present in his voice making me feel so fucking appreciative of him again. 

“Please,” I beg breathlessly, unable to take being so close to outside without actually getting to go there.

Without needing any more encouragement, Cas steps outside.

Immediately, I gasp softly at the feeling of warmth wrapping around me and flowing through every inch of my body, the sun’s rays seeming to touch everywhere before seeping into my skin, filling me with so much warmth and happiness that I have been denied for so long. 

“Are you okay?” Cas asks in that same concerned tone, not seeming to realize how amazing this all is for me and instead mistaking my gasp for discomfort.

“I’m fucking amazing!” I exclaim happily with a large smile, chuckling softly at the feeling of a soft breeze brushing the hair back from my forehead. “Thank you, Cas, it’s been so long since I’ve been in the sun, I… You’re so fucking amazing.”

“You are so welcome, Dean, I am happy that I can bring you this comfort,” Cas replies, the widest smile I’ve ever heard in his voice, sounding like he’s grinning from ear-to-ear and, if it wasn’t so unfairly bright still, I would love to see that smile of his. 

Just when I thought things couldn’t get any better, Cas happily continues, “I also have a bay window in my bedroom so, maybe on the colder days when we can’t actually go outside, you could sit in the sun there and read or something.”

“Y-You’ll let me read?” I ask in shock with my smile still in place, finding it hard to believe how, every time I think that he will run out of new ways to be amazing, he finds another one. 

“Of course, once we go back inside I can show you some of my books and you may pick the ones you like the best,” Cas casually says, as if he doesn’t realize that, within five minutes, he has taken me outside and promised me books, two things I’ve been denied of for years . 

“You’re gonna make me cry again,” I softly say with another chuckle, but heat has rushed to my eyes yet again, threatening to spill if Cas keeps being so damn kind.

“Crying is good, especially tears of joy,” Cas softly says, his words so un-alpha-like that I can’t help but smile widely again, feeling more and more appreciative of Cas with every passing moment. 

After a few more moments of basking in the sun, surrounded by the happy chirps of birds, Cas hesitantly asks, “How would you feel about laying down on the grass. You’re starting to get a little heavy for me…”

“That sounds wonderful,” I say without hesitation before he can change his mind, grass being yet another thing I haven’t felt in years.

With more carefulness than I thought it would be impossible for an alpha to show, Cas sits down on the grass while still carrying me. 

Then, ever-so-gently, he helps me move so that I am laying down, using his thigh as a pillow. 

Once again, Cas begins gently carding his fingers through my hair, scratching my scalp at some points, the sweet feelings causing me to whine in bliss. 

“Thank you,” I whisper as I yawn, the words feeling so inadequate after everything Cas has done for me in such a short time, but wanting him to hear them regardless. 

“Anytime, Dean,” Cas whispers with a smile heard in his voice as he continues playing with my hair.

After a few moments, I yawn again, beginning to feel extremely tired now.

As the sun warms me up and Cas’s hands play with my hair, I smile softly to myself, feeling so fucking thankful that I survived long enough to find this alpha.

And, no matter what comes next, as I drift off to sleep, warm, full, and being comforted by my alpha, I feel hopeful for the first time since I presented that everything could be okay again.

Chapter Text

Castiel's pov

“Gabe?” I ask hesitantly as I enter the kitchen, finding him sleepily eating a granola bar while staring blankly at the table, seeming utterly exhausted. “Why are you awake so early?”

“I don’t want to miss any more school,” Gabriel mutters sadly, his scent sparking with embarrassment, turning his normally sweet honey and pastry scent sour, like bread that has been left out far too long and started to rot, from his nerves. 

“What about Dean?” I ask hesitantly, not wanting to deny Gabriel anything, especially going to school to further his education, but concerned about Dean being here by himself all day. “Are you certain he will be fine without you here?”

Ever since we found Dean on Monday, Gabriel has spent each day at home with him, ensuring that he wouldn’t have any problems without anyone being there to help him. While he seems to be doing much better, even being able to get around by himself by using a cane, I still worry about him being entirely alone. 

It is only Friday, a measly few days certainly isn’t enough time for Dean to recover. Also, since it is so close to the weekend, it would be preferable for Gabriel to miss today under the guise that he is sick. Then, come Monday when Dean is better, Gabriel and I can both go back to school. 

“Yeah, I really think he will be fine,” Gabriel says after a few moments of contemplation. “Obviously he’s still hurt, but you’ve seen him be able to get around the house without much trouble. I left a bowl of soup on the bedside table and my phone, so that way he can call you if he needs to. I know he’ll be fine. Please, Cassie, let me go again. I’ve been so bored here.”

“Alright, get dressed then,” I say with a heavy sigh, the thought of leaving Dean alone all day not sitting well with me but, when Gabriel gives me those puppy-dog eyes, I just can’t resist him. 

“Really?” Gabriel asks hopefully, as if I could ever find it in myself to deny him this, especially since, while I know he will never admit it out loud, school is one of his favorite places to be. “I can actually go today?”

“Yes, Gabe,” I say patiently with a small smile, happy that I don’t need to deny him this, but wishing that he didn’t sound so surprised by me agreeing. “You are the doctor after all, so, if you truly believe that he is fine, who am I to deny you?”

“Thanks, Cassie, I really appreciate it,” Gabriel softly says, his smile wide and excited, making me glad that I could do this for him.

“You are very welcome,” I say with a smile as I grab a granola bar from the box of food that I got from school yesterday.

After my math class with Mrs. Winchester finished yesterday, I went to the front office to see if someone found the box that I dropped in the hallway because I ran from Sam. While it was a little dented from falling onto the ground, none of the food was harmed, nor was any of the contents missing.

All in all, it is as though that event never happened.

Well, except for the fact that I have a new friend now.

Wow, I really have a friend now!

Instead of going to school and having no one to talk to, Sam and I can continue the bonding that we started yesterday. 

Sam, Gabriel, and I can have so many wonderful conversations now!

Wait…

Sam and Gabriel…

I forgot to tell Gabriel that I met Sam…

And I never asked for Gabriel to give me Sam’s number or told him to call Sam back!

Was Sam expecting me to text him?!

Did I mess everything up?!

What if Sam hates me now that I didn’t text him?!

“Hey, Cassie, you okay?” Gabriel asks through a mouthful of his breakfast, sounding a little concerned, but still very tired.

“I just realized that I forgot to do something important,” I say after taking in a shaky breath, really hoping that I didn’t ruin the only friendship I have.

“Okay?” Gabriel asks after a few seconds of hesitation, seeming like he is waiting for me to elaborate, but I don’t even know where to begin. “Whatever it is, I’m sure we can do it together.”

“No, you don’t understand, he hates me now!” I exclaim in frustration, feeling stupid tears welling behind my eyes at the thought of losing Sam. “He told me to text him, but I never did, and now he won’t want to be my friend anymore.”

“Whoa, Cassie, slow down, take a deep breath,” Gabriel calmly says as he carefully wraps up his granola bar and sets it down on the table, now turning his full attention onto me. “Who are you talking about? Did you make a new friend?”

Even though it takes great effort, I take a deep breath like he asked, thankfully feeling some of the budding tightness in my chest dissipate. 

After a few moments of simply focusing on breathing through my panic and worry, I shakily say, “Yes, I finally met a new friend yesterday. Gabe, I really like him, but I think I ruined everything. He asked me to get his phone number from you, but, after everything that happened with Dean, I forgot. He probably hates me now because I didn’t contact him.”

“Wait, what?!” Gabriel asks in a loud, shocked tone, seeming more and more confused with each passing moment. “Why the hell would I have his phone number?”

Suddenly, I realize that I still haven’t told Gabriel who my new friend is, the thought of doing so filling me with dread, worried how he will react,

He purposely kept Sam hidden from me so, now that I know, he might get really mad.

My face is still messed up from the last time he got mad, so I really don’t want him to hurt me again...

Deciding to just ‘bite the bullet’ as they say, I nervously reply, “Gabe, I met Sam yesterday.”

Instantly, all the color drain’s from Gabriel’s face, his eyes widening in shock and fear as his once-rosy cheeks become a ghostly, translucent shade. 

Shakily, Gabriel stands up and rushes to the bathroom, his sudden disappearance leaving me feeling distressed.

I expected anger...

I expected indifference...

I didn’t expect this absolute terror from him...

When I hear Gabriel start retching violently, the decision to follow is made automatically, desiring to comfort him while he is upset with the same ferocity that my lungs crave oxygen to continue functioning.

“Gabe,” I softly murmur as I kneel down beside him, placing a tentative hand on his upper back. 

He continues clutching to the toilet tightly as he dry heaves, the only sign that he noticed me is the way he shivers and whimpers, seeming absolutely terrified. 

Oh, Gabriel…

I wish you knew that I will never harm you...

No matter what, I will never lay a hand on you...

“Sweetheart, there is no need to be scared of me,” I say in that same soft tone, my heart seeming to shatter into a billion fragments from seeing Gabriel this distressed, especially since I am the cause of his fear. “I will never, ever hurt you, I promise.”

“But I lied to you,” Gabriel says in a broken and hoarse tone, as another shiver wracks his body, seemingly beyond terrified right now, despite my assurances to him.

“You did,” I start hesitantly, feeling guilty for my blunt agreeance when Gabriel whimpers and clutches to the sides of the toilet even tighter, seeming like he’s trying to brace himself for a blow. “I understand why you didn’t want to tell me. If you told me that you had an alpha friend, I would have been extremely worried. Sam is very kind though, so I know that I have nothing to fear from him.”

“Really?” Gabriel weakly asks, his voice filled with barely-concealed hope, seeming absolutely shocked by my words, the sound of his surprise making my heart shatter even more. “You’ll still let us be friends?”

“Of course, Gabe,” I adamantly say without hesitation, my words causing his shoulders to slump with relief as he finally stops clutching the toilet like a lifeline. “I have said this before, but all I want is for you to be happy. If Sam makes you happy, I have no right nor desire to keep you from him.”

Slowly, Gabriel turns toward me and gives me an extremely shaky smile but, even though he still looks too pale, his relief and gratitude shine brightly in his eyes, the sight causing me to smile sadly. 

“Thank you so much,” Gabriel whispers as he closes his eyes tightly, seeming to battle against crying, but a few tears make their way past his defenses and race down his cheeks.

“It is my pleasure,” I reply sincerely as I gingerly use my thumbs to wipe away his tears, hating to see him cry. 

When he slowly opens his eyes and gives me another shaky smile, I quietly suggest, “How about you get cleaned up and dressed, and then we can walk to school together?”

Wordlessly, Gabriel just nods his head, his lack of verbal response making me a little worried, but I don’t press when I notice how his hands are still trembling violently from lingering fear and adrenaline.

Even though my inner alpha screams at me not to, I quickly stand up and leave the bathroom, leave my hurting omega, knowing that Gabriel greatly values his privacy, especially when he is upset, but also desperately wanting to be there to comfort him.

Once I am back in the kitchen, I slump down in one of the chairs and bury my head in my hands, berating myself for how poorly I handled all that.

No wonder why Sam hates me now...

I am awkward, socially inept, a terrible excuse for an alpha, and so fucking stupid.

It is truly amazing that Gabriel has been able to tolerate me for so long, and no wonder why Sam wants nothing to do with me. 

It is much better that he realizes what a failure I am now, rather than becoming stuck with me like Gabriel and Dean.

They deserve so much better than me…

“Cassie, cut it out with the brooding, I can smell you from all the way in here,” Gabriel calls out from our now-shared bedroom, his words causing me to chuckle self-deprecatingly.

I can’t even do a good job of keeping my feelings hidden…

I am such a pathetic alpha…

A few moments later, I am pulled from my thoughts when Gabriel stomps into the kitchen, sounding thoroughly irritated with me if his thundering steps are any indication of his emotions.

“Goddammit, not this again,” Gabriel mutters under his breath, sounding thoroughly pissed off at me and my plethora of failures. “Get up, Cassie.”

I don’t make any move to comply, keeping a firm hold of my head, fighting the intense urge to start ripping my hair from its roots. 

“Alright, tell me what’s wrong,” Gabriel demands none-too-gently, but I detect genuine worry and concern beneath his harshness. “Is this about you not getting Sam’s phone number and thinking that he hates you?”

My only response is a heavy sigh, hating to have Gabriel speak my fears aloud, as if doing so makes them more likely to become reality.

Without another word, Gabriel walks away from me, his steps becoming increasingly quieter until the only sounds are my miserable thoughts echoing viciously within my mind.

He left me…

Just like Sam…

Just like Dean will the moment he doesn’t have to depend on me for my survival…

Soon, I won’t have anyone…

And it will be all my fault…

Everyone will be gone because I am such a failure...

“Heya, Samswatch,” Gabriel cheerily says, the sound of his voice startling me from my thoughts. 

“What’s up, Gabe?” Sam asks through a yawn, sounding a little irritated at Gabriel's nickname. “And I’ve told you not to call me that at least a thousand times.”

“And even if you tell me a thousand more times, it’s not gonna happen,” Gabriel teases, seeming incredibly at ease around Sam, even though he is an alpha.

“Whatever,” Sam mutters, his response causing Gabriel to chuckle loudly. “Anyways, why did you call me? Just to use your shitty nicknames and make fun of me?”

“While I do love using my awesome nicknames on you, I didn’t call because of that,” Gabriel cheekily says, his words causing me to roll my eyes fondly at his antics. 

Then, while losing his joking tone entirely, Gabriel continues, “I heard you and my brother and friends now. What do you think about him?”

Instantly, I feel like I have just been punched in the gut, not at all prepared to hear how much Sam hates me now.

Oblivious to my turmoil while on the phone, Sam casually says, “Oh, cool, glad he told you. I think he’s great. You know how much I fucking hate alphas, but he seems cool. I’m excited to hang out and get to know him better.”

With each of Sam’s words, it feels like a massive weight is slowly being lifted from my chest, allowing me to breathe again. 

Sam… doesn’t hate me…

He thinks I’m “great”...

No one has ever said that about me before…

“I’m glad you like him,” Gabriel happily says, sounding a little smug too at being right yet again. “God knows he could use a friend.”

While rolling my eyes, I uncurl from my slouched position to instead flip him the bird, my crude gesture causing him to burst into laughter.

“What’s going on?” Sam asks in a confused tone, his question seeming to only make Gabriel laugh harder.

I stand up and walk toward the still-laughing Gabriel, wanting to fill in Sam after his kind words.

I easily take the phone from Gabriel, his free hand now clutching at his stomach that is becoming sore from laughter.

While squashing down my nervousness, I say into the phone as calmly as I can, “Hello, Sam. Don’t mind Gabriel, he simply enjoys being right way too much.”

“Ugh, tell me about it!” Sam loudly complains, his adamant agreement causing me to chuckle. “I swear, even when he’s dead wrong, he finds a way to feel right.”

“Hey, stop talking shit about me!” Gabriel exclaims, but his threat is nullified by the occasional giggle that still escapes him.

While fighting back a smile, I softly say to Sam, “We better start walking to school now. Will I be seeing you once we get there?”

“Yeah, of course!” Sam agrees without any hesitation, the excitement in his voice causing me to smile widely. “See ya later!”

“See you later,” I echo softly with a large smile, feeling giddy at hearing our parting from yesterday continuing into today.

When he ends the call, I turn toward Gabriel, his brown eyes seeming to twinkle with glee as he smiles smugly at me.

He opens his mouth, no doubt to tell me ‘I told you so’, but he doesn’t get the chance to as I close the distance between us and pull him into a gigantic hug. 

“Wha-” Gabriel starts to ask, sounding horribly confused as to why we are hugging, but he doesn’t finish, seeming to just give in to the hug.

“Thank you for not letting my thoughts ruin my relationship with Sam,” I softly say, my voice filled with pure gratitude, knowing that, if he hadn’t shown me the errors of my thinking, I would have avoided Sam out of fear of him confirming that he hates me.

But, he really doesn’t hate me…

He thinks I am ‘great’...

He really thinks that…

And I will be seeing him soon, something that I am looking forward to immensely. 

“Of course, I’m here to help you, Silly Cassie,” Gabriel says teasingly but, behind the joking tone, I know that he is telling the truth, that he really is willing to help me through my many problems. 

I just hold him a little tighter, unable to express in words how truly grateful I am to have him in my life. 

After a few more moments of hugging, Gabriel loudly and obnoxiously whines, “Come onnnn, we gotta go to school nowwww.” 

As I bite my lip to hold back a smile at his childish humor, I pull away from our hug, albeit a little reluctantly. 

“Lead the way,” I softly say as I grab my backpack, afterward following an extremely eager Gabriel out of the kitchen and toward the front door. 

“Wait, I gotta give my phone to Dean again!” Gabriel exclaims as he skids to a stop while running toward the door.

He quickly runs toward the bedroom, nearly wiping out from his socked feet sliding on the tile floor, the sight causing me to roll my eyes fondly at his antics.

I hope he never grows up…

When he walks back into the entryway, his chest rising and falling rapidly from his unnecessary excursion, I can’t help but smile at him, feeling my heart swell with happiness that, even after all the awful hardships life sent his way, he still remained his goofy self.

“What?” Gabriel asks after a few moments of trying to catch his breath, looking at me with confusion in his gaze, probably because I have been staring at him.

“I love you,” I happily say while still smiling, grinning even wider when a slight hue of pink coats his cheeks. 

“Yeah, yeah, love you too,” Gabriel mutters as he ducks his head in embarrassment, using his untied shoes as an excuse to not look at me. 

“Hearing you say that makes me very happy,” I murmur as I begin tying my shoes too, still smiling widely to myself, feeling happy that, even though it was a bit dismissive, he said that he loves me back. 

“You’re welcome,” Gabriel says even quieter, his words barely even intelligible, his face no doubt a bright shade of red from his embarrassment. 

Deciding to show him mercy, especially after the way he kindly called Sam to reassure me, I let the subject drop, hoping that, even if he doesn’t always like hearing it, he knows that I truly care about him. 

Once we both have our shoes laced and backpacks resting squarely on our shoulders, I open the front door, hoping that, while we’re gone, Dean will be fine without us. 

After double-no, triple-checking to make sure the front door is locked, keeping my omega safe from harm, we begin walking toward our school. 

“It is a really nice day out,” I say with a smile after a few moments of walking in silence, taking in a deep breath of the crisp, cool morning air. 

“I’m so not about to talk about the weather with you, Cassie,” Gabriel adamantly says the moment I finish speaking, his refusal making me sigh heavily. 

Why doesn’t anyone ever want to talk about the weather with me, especially when it is so gorgeous outside?

“And you say that I am the ‘fun-killer’,” I mutter bitterly under my breath, feeling even more irritated when he just laughs loudly in response to my words. 

Before Gabriel can respond, a sleek, black car that looks very old drives past us, the engine seeming to purr as it travels down the asphalt, appearing to be very well taken care of, not even a speck of dirt or scratch in sight. 

Normally I don’t pay much attention to cars, but this one piques my interest, especially when it starts slowing down a short distance in front of us.

Wait a second…

Why is this car slowing down?!

Instantly feeling afraid, I step in front of Gabriel, holding my arm out in front of him protectively as the car stops about ten feet in front of us, not trusting this mysterious car owner for even a second. 

Without conscious thought, a low rumble builds in my chest, willing to fight off whoever this person is.

No one is going to hurt Gabriel.

Never again.

“Cassie, relax,” Gabriel mutters as he tries to push my arm away from his chest, but I don’t move, staying firm in my protective stance, refusing to let anything bad happen to him. 

“Seriously, Cassie, it’s okay,” Gabriel starts again a few seconds later, but I can’t believe him, especially now that the driver’s door is opening. “I think that’s Sam’s car.”

Wait… What?

Sam?

Did he just say Sam?

Sure enough, now that the driver’s door is open, a familiar lanky figure steps out of the car, waving to us excitedly. 

Instantly, I lower my arm and bite my bottom lip to stop the growling emanating from my chest, knowing that Sam isn’t going to hurt us.

He’s our friend.

I better get that into my inner alpha’s thick skull before he takes over and tries to tear Sam to pieces.

After a few moments of battling with my inner alpha’s demands of charge , attack , protect omega , I release a heavy sigh and begin approaching Sam, feeling steady enough to speak to him now.

“Heya, Castiel,” Sam happily greets me as he leans against the side of his car, seeming extremely relaxed in my presence, even though I am certain that my inner alpha must be releasing disgusting pheromones that promise fights and violence. 

“Hello, Sam,” I say with a soft smile, doing my best to fight down the embarrassment I feel from nearly lashing out at my new friend. “You have a lovely vehicle here.”

“Thanks, man,” Sam replies with a gigantic smile, seeming overjoyed to hear my compliment on his car. “It's a 1967 Impala. She’s really old, but I’ve taken good care of her. My brother loved this damned car, even gave her a name, so I try my best to treat her right.”

By the end of his words, his smile has faded, becoming replaced with a faraway look in his eyes and sadness prominent on his features. 

I wonder what happened to his brother...

“That is very thoughtful of you, I am certain he would appreciate your efforts; your car looks very clean and well-functioning,” I softly say, not wanting to over-step, especially since he seems so sad, but also knowing that I can’t stay silent after a confession like that. 

“Thanks,” Sam softly says, his voice choked with emotion, the sound of him so sad causing me to frown as well, wishing I had some way to make him feel better, but I have no idea where I would even start.

“So, since you’re here, wanna drive us to school?” Gabriel blurts out after a few moments of tense and heavy silence, his words causing me to roll my eyes, unable to believe he just asked that, especially with Sam so sad right now.

And people say that I have poor social skills.

Surprisingly, Sam chuckles softly before saying, “Sure, I can take you both to school.”

“Hell yeah!” Gabriel exclaims happily as he runs to the other side of his car and hops into the front passenger seat. 

Even though Gabriel is already inside Sam’s car, I can’t help but say, “You don’t need to take us if you would prefer not to. Gabe and I are used to walking to school; he just enjoys being overdramatic at times.”

“Oh, believe me, I know,” Sam says with a chuckle, his words causing me to smile slightly. “Gabe has gotta be the most overdramatic person I’ve ever met. And besides, we’re all going to the same place, so it’s no trouble for you both to hitch a ride with me.”

“Thank you, Sam, I really appreciate that,” I say with an even larger smile, feeling immensely grateful that not only did I meet Sam, but that he continues to show us kindness. “It will be nice to not have to walk today, especially since Gabriel missed most of this week from being sick.”

“You’re welcome, and hey, that’s what friends are for,” Sam says with a wink as he stops leaning against his car, his words causing my heart to soar with happiness, no doubt a gigantic grin on my face. “Now come on, before we end up being late. I definitely do not want my mom to get pissed at me again for missing my morning class.”

“I would presume that her profession has allowed her to become very proficient at giving stern lectures,” I quip as I open the door to the backseat and clamber inside, feeling a little awkward now that I am in a car for the first time in nearly a year, but relieved for the chance to not make the long trek to school today. 

Sam releases a loud, surprised chuckle as he slides into the driver’s seat. The sound of his joy, especially since my joke created it, makes a warm feeling bubble in my chest, feeling immensely proud of myself. 

When he finally recovers from his laughter, while still smiling, Sam says, “Oh yeah, being a teacher makes her so damn fond of lectures. If you thought her lectures to her students in trouble were scary, you should see the way she rips into me.”

“I would love to see that,” Gabriel says without missing a beat, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Not gonna happen,” Sam mutters in reply, his words causing Gabriel to pout, like a frustrated child who hasn’t gotten their way so many times. 

A few minutes into our drive, Gabriel finally stops pouting and sulking. Instead, he leans closer to the door, quite literally pressing his face up to the glass to better see outside, no doubt getting his germs all over Sam’s gorgeous car.

Our drive passes in silence, Sam concentrating on the road too intently to speak and Gabriel remaining enraptured by the world passing by us so quickly, but I don’t mind the quiet atmosphere. In fact, it is very relaxing, sitting here with my brother and my new friend in close proximity.

The only thing that could make this better was if Dean was here...

Wait, where did that thought come from?

I should be perfectly content with not only being in this lovely car, but also with Gabriel and Sam here…

So why the hell can’t I get Dean off my mind?

Even if I push aside my initial worry of leaving him home by himself, I still want him here beside me, sharing this adventure with me.

I don’t know how old he is, but he can’t be much older than me.

He is much too young to have gone through even a fraction of the hardships he experienced. 

He should be here with us…

He should have the chance to go to school as Alphas and Betas can…

It is highly unfair that he is excluded and mistreated because of something entirely outside of his realm of control...

I fucking hate the way our society works!

I haven’t known Dean for long, but I know enough about him to say with certainty that he doesn’t deserve this. 

Even after everything he did to escape, he doesn’t deserve this.

He should be here right now…

He should be with me right now…

My omega shouldn’t have to go through so much pain…

“Earth to Cassie,” Gabriel loudly says as he snaps his fingers near my face, his words causing me to jolt in my seat, suddenly remembering where I am. “Come on, get out of Sam’s car, we’ve been parked for like a full minute.”

Wait, what?

Did I really get lost in my thoughts for the whole car ride?

Not only that, but I didn’t even realize that we had parked?

Sure enough, a quick glance out the window allows me to see students milling about near the entrance of our school, causing me to realize that, yes, I did get so engrossed in my thoughts that I lost track of my surroundings entirely. 

So engrossed in my thoughts of Dean…

“Oh come on, just get out of the fucking car already,” Gabriel mutters shortly as I am pulled from my thoughts once again, discovering that he has opened the passenger door, undone my seatbelt, and grabbed my backpack from beside me, all without me knowing.

Apparently, I need to become more aware of my surroundings…

Before Gabriel can try to forcefully drag me out of the car, I quickly slide off the seat and step outside the car, my face flushing with embarrassment at the scene I just caused. 

“Sorry about that,” I mutter as I take my backpack from Gabriel, unable to believe how many times I have acted like an absolute moron since I met Sam.

“Nah, no worries,” Sam says easily, his ability to brush off my many fuckups and keep staying my friend makes me even more appreciative of him. “We should probably get to class now though.”

“You two go ahead, I gotta take a wicked piss,” Gabriel says with a smirk as he starts walking toward the school entrance.

“You are so immature,” I mutter under my breath as I roll my eyes at Gabriel’s words, my response causing Sam to chuckle. 

Even though I spoke quietly, Gabriel must have heard me because he raises a hand high above his head, his middle finger on display as he continues walking away from us.

Sam laughs even harder now and, although I try my best not to, I can’t help but smile at Gabriel’s antics, thankful that he enjoys joking around me. 

When Sam’s laughter finally dies out, while still smiling, he says, “So, I’ll see you at lunchtime?”

“Definitely,” I say excitedly and without hesitation, greatly looking forward to spending more time with him later.

“Awesome, I can’t wait,” Sam softly says with his smile still in place, his words filling me with immense joy, causing me to grin madly. 

“Me too,” I happily agree, so excited that Sam and I will be able to see each other again soon. 

Sam gives me a wave that I return, albeit a little awkwardly, then starts to walk away.

When he’s only gone a few feet, I hurriedly call out, “Wait, Sam!”, unable to believe that I almost forgot to share my plan with him.

Immediately, he stops and turns around, shooting me a raised eyebrow that clearly showcases his confusion.

While quickly closing the short distance between us, I nervously ask, “Do you have any plans for tomorrow?”

“Nah, I’m free,” Sam easily says, seeming to be so confident all the time, while I feel like a never-ending social disaster. “What’s up?”

As I begin to play with a stray thread on the left corner of my beloved trench coat, I softly say, “Well, tomorrow marks Gabe’s one-year anniversary of being an omega. I know he hates what he is, but I thought that maybe I could make everything a little better by holding a celebration for him. And, if you are not too busy or don’t think it is super lame, maybe you could come too?”

“Yeah, I’d love to come!” Sam excitedly says without hesitation, his response, so far from what I expected, causes me to look up from the loose thread I was picking at in surprise. “Where’s it gonna be?”

“I was thinking just at our house, but I would put up some old decorations to make it nice for him,” I say with a shy smile, ecstatic that Sam wants to come to our celebration for Gabriel. “I don’t really have any money to spare, so it won’t be anything great, but I know he would love it if you were there too.”

“Hey, no worries about the money part, I’ve got you,” Sam easily says, his words causing my jaw to drop open in shock, unable to believe what I just heard. “Just tell me what you want for the celebration and I’ll get it.”

“I-I can’t ask you to do that,” I sputter in shock, knowing that, after everything Sam has already done for us, there is no way I could ask him to spend money on us. 

“You’re not asking me, I want to do this,” Sam adamantly says, his tone leaving no room for argument, even though I really want to convince him not to waste his money on us. “Gabe is my best friend, so I want to make this a special day for him. His first year as an omega might have been shitty, but we can show him it won’t always be like that.”

“I… Thank you, Sam, from the bottom of my heart,” I softly say, feeling a fierce heat build behind my eyes at this amazing, kind, and selfless man before me. “Gabriel is going to love this so much, and it’ll all be because of you.”

“No, Castiel, it’ll be because of you,” Sam says without hesitation, his words causing me to blush, unsure how to take such a wonderful compliment. “Hell, I wouldn’t have even known tomorrow was the big day if you hadn’t told me. I’m happy to give you some money to make this a great celebration but, in the end, it’ll be great because of your thoughtfulness and care for him.”

With tears streaming down my cheeks, I can’t even think of how to respond to him. Instead, I pull him into a tight hug, the embrace a little awkward with our cumbersome backpacks, but I hope that he will understand how much this means to me regardless.

“You’re welcome, Castiel,” Sam murmurs with a soft chuckle, seeming to understand that this hug is my way of thanking him as best as I can.

After a few more moments of hugging, I reluctantly pull away, wanting to hang onto him forever, but knowing that doing so would be inappropriate, especially since we are both alphas.

I shakily wipe away my tears, afterward giving him a large smile, feeling so happy with how this turned out. 

Thanks to Sam, tomorrow is going to be the best day ever.

I can’t wait to see the look on Gabriel’s face when he sees everything we planned for him. 

I can’t wait for him to see how much we care for him and that we love him deeply, his omega status not changing that at all. 

Before I can properly thank him, the bell rings, the usually shrill sound scarcely reaching the parking lot where we stand.

While hoping that was the two-minute warning bell and not the late bell, I mutter, “We better get to class.”

“Yeah, we should,” Sam agrees, but he sounds reluctant as well, as if he wants to keep talking to me as badly as want to continue with him. “ I can’t wait to see you at the celebration tomorrow. I’ll call you later so we can talk about it more.”

“That sounds delightful,” I happily say, excited by the prospect of Sam not only coming over to our house tomorrow, but being able to chat with him on the phone tonight. “See you at lunch.”

“See ya later!” Sam replies with another wave, afterward, he begins quickly walking toward the entrance of the school. 

While walking toward my first class, physical education, I can’t help but smile widely, unable to believe how amazing this morning has been.

Instead of walking to school by myself like I did earlier this week, Gabriel came with me, Sam drove us to school, and he agreed to not only attend, but also fund, our celebration for Gabriel tomorrow.

Today is a good day.

And I know that tomorrow will be even better. 

Chapter Text

Dean’s pov

This is nice.

Hell, this is really fucking nice.

Right now, it’s just me sitting here at Cas’ bay window, reading the first Harry Potter book.

No demands.

No yelling.

No new pains, cuts, or bruises.

I can just… be.

I hope this feeling never ends…

I hope my time with Cas never ends…

God, I really hope I never have to leave Cas…

I never thought I would be the type of omega to want to settle down with an alpha and start a family, but I do with Cas…

I want to spend the rest of my life with him so fucking badly…

As if summoned by my many thoughts of him, Cas slowly opens the door, greeting me with a dazzling smile that makes his deep blue eyes sparkle, the sight seeming to melt my heart.

Damn, I’ve got it real bad if I’m thinking poetic shit like that…

“Hello, Dean,” Cas says in that deep rumble of his that I’m starting to grow very fond of, his voice and kind way of speaking never failing to make me feel safe and welcomed and, dare I say… loved?

Loved...

“H-Hi, Cas,” I softly say, needing to quickly escape my thoughts before I think about that deadly word any longer. “I-I found this book in Gabe’s room… I hope you don’t mind me reading it.”

Before I can begin to panic over the fact that not only am I reading, something that I have been forbidden to do for years, but also took a book without asking, Cas’ smile grows even wider as he says, “No, I do not mind the slightest bit. I am very happy to see you doing something that you enjoy. Which book did you choose?”

“The first Harry Potter book,” I say softly as I close the book, carefully remembering what page I am on, and fondly look at the cover. “Before… Before I presented, my little brother used to spend hours telling me about this book. I never got the chance to read it, but now that I’m here, I thought maybe I would see why he liked it so much.”

“That is very sweet,” Cas says with a slight frown on his face, no doubt from him being able to smell the sadness that must be radiating off me. “If you would like, I could borrow the other books in the series from the library so you can read those ones too.”

“Thanks, Cas, I really appreciate that,” I say while smiling sadly, unable to believe how, just when I think that Cas can’t get any better, he does even more amazing shit. “God, I appreciate everything you do for me. Thank you so much.”

“You are very welcome, Dean,” Cas happily replies, a gigantic smile on his face that steals my breath away. “I enjoy providing you with nice things.”

I just smile widely in response, my throat becoming too tight with emotion for me to verbalize any of the gratitude I feel for Cas right now. 

After a few moments of trying to fight back tears, Cas clears his throat before nervously saying, “I hope you do not mind me saying this, but, within an hour, a friend of Gabriel’s is coming over to our house.

While fighting down the strong urge to panic, I shakily say, “Okay. Can I ask why?”

“Of course, Dean, you may ask whatever you like at any time,” Cas says without hesitation, his words causing me to smile slightly despite my growing nervousness. “As to why he is coming over, today marks Gabriel’s one-year anniversary of presenting as an omega. So, because of that, we arranged a celebration for him. It’ll just be Sam coming over, but I wanted to warn you in advanc-”

Even though I know that Cas is still talking and, logically, I should keep listening to him, my brain seems to flatline, that one name shattering my entire world.

Sam...

C-Could it be Sammy?

Holy fuck, what if Cas and Gabe have been friends with him this whole time?!

What if I could actually see him again?!

Before I can let my hopes soar too high, Cas pulls me from my thoughts by softly asking, “Dean, are you alright? If this is too soon, we can ask him to come at a later date.”

Instead of answering the question, all I can manage is a broken whisper of, “My brother’s name is Sam.”

“Dean, what is your brother’s last name?” Cas asks as he moves from where he was standing in the doorway, instead quickly approaching me and crouching down before me, seeming to take my words very seriously, which is yet another thing I’m extremely thankful for about Cas. 

“Winchester,” I softly say, the word feeling foreign on my tongue after so many years, but always kept close to my heart regardless. “His name is Sam Winchester.”

For a few seconds Cas is silent, his face and scent entirely blank, as if he is trying hard to keep his emotions from surfacing.

“Is your mother named Mary?” Cas asks so softly that I can barely even hear him but, once the words register in my mind, it feels like my whole world has shattered yet again.

Holy fuck, he knows her name…

That means…

He must really know Sammy…

Oh my fucking god, Cas knows Sammy!

Against my will, a loud, ugly sob rips through my chest, the force of it shaking my entire body. 

“Oh, Dean,” Cas whispers sadly as he carefully helps me move from the window seat to instead sit on his lap, securely held in his arms. 

As he holds me tightly, I continue to sob loudly and uncontrollably, so fucking relieved to know that they’re alive.

Holy fuck, mom and Sammy are alive. 

I-I might even be able to see them again...

"Cas, I... Pl-Please, it's fucking S-Sammy,” I beg in between sobs, hoping with every fiber of my being that he will let me see them. “I-I'll do anything. Please.”

Then, while taking a shaky breath to steel myself and pause in my sobbing, I reluctantly mutter, “You can even fuck me, okay? I-I’ll be good. I… just… please, I need to see him."

"Dean, take a deep breath,” Cas softly says, an incredibly large amount of sadness in his tone. “Do you remember what I told you at the kitchen table a few days ago?"

"That you didn't want to fuck me?" I ask hesitantly, remembering what he said clearly, but scared that, if I don’t give him this, I might not be able to see Sammy again.

"Yes, I refuse to take your body from you in any way, especially within something as invasive as sexual intercourse," Cas says without hesitation and, despite the warring emotions I feel right now, I can’t help but smile ever-so-slightly at Cas’ unusual way of speaking. 

"Thanks, Cas, I appreciate that, but I would be willing to do it,” I say adamantly, needing him to know that, if I get to be with Sammy again, I will be so fucking good to him. “If you let me see Sammy, you can do whatever you want to me. I'll be so good and I won't resist and I won't even screa-"

"Dean, please, stop,” Cas interrupts through gritted teeth, his tone causing me to flinch, terrified that, if I make him mad, he won’t let me see Sammy. “I am not going to do anything to you. I am not going to make you do anything. Okay?"

"He's my brother, Cas, please, it's been years,” I beg as more tears stream down my cheeks, feeling my heart start to break at the impending denial I can feel coming. “God, Cas, it's been so many years."

"I know, Dean, and I deeply apologize that you have been separated from him for so long,” Cas murmurs with a heavy sigh, his voice filled with sadness and pain, but I can barely even pay that any mind, thinking of all the ways I can try to convince him to let me see Sammy until he continues, “I think you misunderstand me though. What I am trying to convey is that you don't need to do anything or repay me in any way for seeing Sam."

"Wait, does that mean you'll let me see him?!" I ask excitedly, trying hard to not let my hope build, but I lose that battle within seconds, wanting to see Sammy again more than anything else in this world.

"Of course I will let you see him!” Cas adamantly says, and god, I don’t think I’ve ever been happier than right now, especially when he continues with a soft, though slightly sad smile, “He is your brother and, with how deeply you care for him, I could never even think of denying you the right to reconnect with him."

"You'll really let me see him?" I ask just above a whisper, needing to make sure that this is real, that I will really get to see Sammy again.

"Yes, Dean, I most certainly will,” Cas says with a smile as he grabs my hand, holding mine loosely in his own, the touch grounding me and keeping me from floating away, like a runaway hot air balloon powered solely on the joy I feel in this moment. “As soon as I explain the situation to him, you two can see each other."

"Thank you, Cas, thank you so fucking much,” I choke out against the building tightness in my throat, trying my best to fight the tears of joy that are threatening to spill. “God, I can never repay you for this."

"You don't need to,” Cas softly says as he takes a tender, gentle thumb and brushes it against my left cheek, wiping away yet another tear that managed to escape my defenses. “I want you to be happy, Dean. Sam is a good man, one who you should never have been separated from in the first place. I am very happy that you two will be reunited soon."

Upon hearing that, the floodgate reopens, another deafening sob wrenching from my chest against my will, so fucking happy that I’m actually getting to see Sammy again.

Jesus, I’m actually gonna see him again…

I’ve barely even let myself think of Sammy these past years, the thoughts of him only surfacing in my darkest moments, when I was on the brink of death, desperately searching for some reason to keep fighting to see another day.

While I couldn’t ever imagine living the rest of my life without Sammy, I thought that I really would.

That day John sold me, I thought I would never see my baby brother again…

But, I really will get to see him…

Not only will I get to see him again but, instead of it being a looming promise that may never be fulfilled, it’s happening today.

Holy fuck, I’m gonna see Sammy today…

That thought causes me to sob even harder, unable to believe that, maybe within just a few hours, I’ll get to see my baby brother again.

With all the fervor of a drowning man clinging to a life preserver, I clutch desperately to Cas as I continue to sob, no doubt smearing my snot and tears all over his beloved trench coat, but he doesn’t seem to mind. Instead of protesting the way I must be ruining his clothes, Cas murmurs reassurances in my ear as he continues to hold me close, allowing me to sob all over him, as if it isn’t disgusting and pathetic. 

Despite knowing that I really shouldn’t be doing this, I can’t seem to stop crying, all the pain and hurt and longing I’ve felt since being sold seems to hit me all at once, making it impossible to not grieve what I lost, yet simultaneously so thankful that I’ll have the opportunity to reconnect with Sammy, maybe mom too. 

Fuck, I’m really gonna see Sammy again today…

After what feels like an eternity, I finally run out of tears, my sobs turning into hiccups and tremors that cause me to shake violently in Cas’ arms, but he still holds me close all the same. 

Finally, when I feel whole enough to speak again, I sheepishly croak, “Sorry, Cas.”

“Never apologize for needing to release your emotions,” Cas firmly says, but he manages to keep any harshness out of his tone, allowing me to take in his reprimand without feeling any fear. “Crying is a natural, healthy response, especially after everything you have overcome. I am simply glad that I may be here to comfort you while you cry.”

“You’re so fucking amazing,” I mutter with a disbelieving chuckle, still unable to understand how I ended up with an alpha who says shit like that, but so fucking thankful that I did.

“As are you, Dean,” Cas says with a bubbly chuckle of his own, the gorgeous sound causing me to smile widely, knowing that I would be so fucking happy if I could hear that laugh every day for the rest of my life.

I don’t say anything in response, unable to even begin thinking of how to respond to his compliment, instead spending my time thinking of his wonderful laugh, and smile, and kindness, and acceptance, and love.

The two of us sit in companionable silence for a long time, long enough for my legs to begin to tingle from my cramped position on Cas’ lap, followed by losing feeling entirely.

We probably would have spent even longer sitting together if the door hadn’t been flung open, the sight causing me to flinch, despite knowing that I’m safe here.

When Gabe pokes his head in, a gigantic smile on his face, I can’t help but smile back shakily, hoping I’m not doing a shitty job at pretending to be fine.

Gabe’s smile falls slightly, his voice filled with concern as he softly asks, “Hey, you okay, Dean? Did Cas tell ya about Samster coming over?”

I can’t help but smile a little at the nickname, knowing without a doubt that Sammy must hate it, but, I have to admit, it’s very fitting…

I might even have to use that one too…

After a few moments of silence, Cas helpfully chimes in, “Yes, I informed him of our guest. I also discovered something very surprising.”

“Oh?” Gabe asks excitedly as he moves from the doorway, instead entering the room and plopping down a few feet in front of us, sitting with his legs crossed on top of each other as he rests his arms on top of his knees, staring at Cas with rapt attention now. “Come on, spill the beans!”

Instead of giving into Gabe’s demand, Cas looks at me questioningly, and his desire to ask for my permission to share this makes me love him even more. 

While smiling ever-so-slightly at his kindness and consideration, I nod my head, then move it back into the crook of his neck, sniffing his scent gland unabashedly as I do so, the crisp and calming forest scent instantly putting me much more at ease. 

“Gabe, this may be hard to believe, but I need you to trust me,” Cas starts hesitantly, sounding a little nervous, as if Gabe might not believe that Sam and I really are brothers.

Once Gabe eagerly nods, seeming exactly like an excited child about to be gifted candy by their parents, Cas continues with a heavy sigh, “Dean and Sam are brothers.”

The deafening stillness following Cas’ words causes me to poke my head out of the crook of Cas’ neck, allowing me to see that Gabe’s face is terribly blank, as if his brain has completely flatlined, entirely unable to process Cas’ words.

“Holy shit, you’re really Sam’s older brother?” Gabe asks quietly as he looks at me appraisingly, his face filled with awe. 

Unable to find the right words to say, I just nod my head, afterward looking away from him to again press my nose into Cas’ scent gland to help keep calm.

“This is fucking amazing!” Gabe happily exclaims, his words causing me to smile softly, thankful that he’s taking this well. “Sam is gonna be so happy to see you again! He talks about you all the damn time.”

For a few seconds, I can’t think of how to respond, rattled by the idea that Sammy talks about me to Gabe.

Does Sammy really talk about me?

He… He might actually miss me…

“H-He does?” I ask shakily, trying hard to not get my hopes up, not wanting to believe that Sammy has missed me even a fraction of how much I’ve missed him.

“Yeah, he really talks about you a lot,” Gabe says with a fond chuckle. “Just yesterday he was talking about his car and how much his older brother loved it. If only he’d told me your name, I probably would’ve put two and two together.”

Wait…

Does he mean Baby?

Sammy kept her?

He hated that car, but he might have kept her…

For me…

Wow, he really must still care…

Seeming to understand how deeply this has affected me, Cas calmly diverts attention from me and asks Gabe, “Is that what you will be wearing when Sam arrives, Gabe?”

“Nah, I gotta look nice for when he comes over, can’t wear this wrinkled shit,” Gabe says with a smirk as he rises to his feet, fanning out his creased, plain white t-shirt. “See you again in a few.”

Gabe practically sprints to the door, seeming ecstatic that Sam is coming over soon, his arms moving wildly with each step he takes.

Once the door closes behind him, Cas softly says, “Dean, would you be okay with staying in Gabriel’s room with him until I explain the situation? After that, both of you can come out to see Sam together.”

“Yeah, sure, that sounds great,” I mutter in awe, hardly able to wrap my mind around the fact that I will actually get to see Sammy again.

Cas gives me a final squeeze, then pulls back from our hug to look me in the eyes and quietly ask, “Are you nervous about seeing him?”

“I’m fucking terrified,” I admit with a bitter laugh, part of me desperately wanting to see Sammy, but I’m also so afraid of what might happen.

Sammy was still just a child when I saw him, only 11-years-old. 

What if he’s changed?

What if he’s presented?

What if he hates me for leaving him behind?

Even though I didn’t have any choice in leaving, he might not have known that… 

How much did John actually tell him?

How do you tell a kid that his older brother was sold like a fucking animal?

What if Sammy just thinks that I ran away from home?

What if he thinks that I didn’t want to be with him anymore?

Before I can ask myself any more questions, Cas moves one of his hands off my back to instead cup the left side of my face. Despite my fear and nervousness regarding Sammy, I can’t help but lean into his touch, instantly feeling better and safer now that he’s holding me so tenderly. 

“Dean, I promise you that there is nothing to fear,” Cas whispers as he continues looking into my eyes and holding me close, his words seeming to lift a weight off my chest. “Sam is a good man. He is an alpha, but, much like myself, he doesn’t behave the way the vast majority of alphas do. Nothing bad is going to happen while he is here, okay?”

“Okay,” I breathe out with a heavy sigh, hoping with all my heart that he’s right and I will simply get to see Sammy again today. “Thanks, Cas.”

“You are very welcome,” Cas says with a smile as he tenderly brushes his thumb against my cheek, then slowly moves his hand away as I do my best to not chase after the kind touch. “Now, I assume Gabriel has finished getting dressed. Sam will be here any minute now; can you go wait in Gabriel’s bedroom? I promise you that I will come to get you the moment I have explained everything to Sam.”

Without another word, I carefully climb off of Cas, wincing at the sharp twinge of pain in my hurt leg.

After hearing that pained noise, Cas quickly stands up, then reaches out a hand to help me to my feet, allowing me to rise without putting any more pressure on my leg. 

I shoot him a shaky, yet grateful smile as he slowly hands me the cane, taking great care to make his movements non-threatening, which is yet another amazing thing that Cas does.

Slowly, the two of us leave his bedroom and move toward Gabe’s, Cas not seeming to mind the slightest bit how slow we have to go because of my cane.

Cas gives me a reassuring smile, then turns away from me to knock on Gabe’s bedroom door. The door flies open immediately, allowing me to see the whirlwind of clothes currently on the floor. There are at least six shirts and five pairs of jeans scattered throughout the room, making it seem like Gabe tried on several different outfits and, after not liking them, quite literally, threw them off. 

“Dean-Bean, come on in!” Gabe happily declares as he creates a sweeping motion with his hand toward his room, welcoming me inside.

While rolling my eyes at the nickname, I say with a smirk, “Thanks, Gabey-Baby.”

“Touché, no more nicknames for you then,” Gabe replies with a grimace, his reaction to my nickname for him causes me to laugh loudly in surprise. 

“Good,” I say through my laughter as I make my way into the room and sit at the foot of the bed, the only place that isn’t covered in clothes. 

When I glance up at the doorway where Cas is, I find him looking at me, his eyes shining with unmistakable fondness as he smiles widely at me.

“What?” I can’t help but ask him, not understanding why he’s looking at me like I’m so damn important.

“It is very nice to hear you laugh,” Cas says without hesitation, his words causing me to blush, only now realizing that I haven’t laughed that hard since I was a child.

It… It feels good to laugh again…

“Alright, enough with the sappy moment, get out there to see Samswatch!” Gabe exclaims as he all but shoos Cas out the door, all the while the alpha tries to keep his gaze locked onto mine. 

“I will see you both very soon,” Cas softly says as he stands in the hallway, seeming like he doesn’t want to leave, but Gabe has, quite literally, forced him away from the room.

“Yeah, yeah, see you soon,” Gabe mutters fondly, then closes the bedroom door, cutting off my view of Cas. 

While sighing heavily, Gabe approaches the bed. Once he reaches it, he plops down on it hard, shifting the mattress slightly from where I sit at the foot of the bed. 

“He’s got it so bad,” Gabe groans as he buries his face in his hands, sounding like a petulant and whiny child. 

“Got what?” I ask hesitantly, not understanding what he’s talking about. 

Abruptly, Gabe bolts upright, no longer laying down so he can fix me with his startled gaze.

“You haven’t seen it?!” Gabe demands, seeming absolutely shocked that I haven’t noticed… whatever this is.

“No?” I ask quietly, not really even understanding what’s happening right now.

“Dean, Cassie is madly in love with you,” Gabe says with another heavy sigh, those words not holding any of his usual joking tones, his words causing me to flinch in surprise, definitely not expecting him to say that. “Every time he looks at you, he can’t help but smile, and his eyes get all fond-looking. He’s got the hots for you for sure.”

“But…” I start to say, but I don’t even know how to begin responding to that.

Knowing that I need to say something, I settle with, “But we barely even know each other.”

“We both know that’s a lie,” Gabe bluntly says, his words causing me to grimace, knowing that, yeah, he’s right. “Sure, you’ve only known each other for about a week, but you’ve created a profound bond already. Whether you believe it or not, he loves you. Honestly, I think he loves you so much that it hurts him. He’s never been good at expressing his emotions. I thought that all the hugging and face touching made it clear that he like-likes you, but I guess not.”

“I-I don’t understand how anyone could love me,” I mutter under my breath as I look at the baby blue comforter beneath me, wanting to look at anything but Gabe as I admit this. “I don’t deserve to be loved by someone like him.”

“And yet he loves you all the same,” Gabe softly says as he rests his hand on my shoulder. “Dean, you’re kind, funny, trusting, and just a great guy. I really care about you, even though we haven’t known each other that long. And you’ve spent even more time with Cassie, so it makes sense that he cares about you even more deeply. It’s hard to not love you.”

I don’t say anything in response, my throat much too tight and choked with emotion to speak.

Together, we fall into silence, my attention becoming consumed by thoughts of Sammy and Cas, two people that I love so fucking much. 

I’ll get to see them both soon.

I can’t wait to see Sammy again.

And, with Cas there too, I feel hopeful that nothing bad will happen. 

See you soon, Sammy.

XxXxXxXx

Sam’s pov

While feeling a little nervous, I pull up in front of the old, run-down cabin in the woods, checking my text messages for the tenth time to make sure that this is the right house.

This place isn’t at all what I expected…

Gabe told me that they live out in the middle of nowhere, but I just thought that that meant they were a little far from people.

I definitely didn’t expect them to live in a cabin in the woods, surrounded by nothing but trees for miles.

This is some serious horror movie shit…

Aside from the location, the cabin is small, but sturdy-looking. The oak wood is a solid mass, but there are a few indentations in it, maybe from some type of insect eating away at it. 

While trying not to think of all those horror movies I’ve seen take place at a cabin like this, I take the key out of Baby’s ignition and step outside, armed with a box of pizza and a few decorations. 

As I balance my things, I lock the car doors, then lock it again, just to be sure that no one is able to break into it, definitely not wanting to be stranded in a place like this.

After taking a deep breath to steel myself, I ring the doorbell, the classic ding dong doing nothing to help ease my nerves.

I can’t help but sigh with relief when Castiel opens the front door, a large smile on his face.

“Gabe wasn’t kidding about your house being far from people,” I say by way of greeting, my words causing Castiel to laugh.

“Yes, we quite like it that way,” Castiel says with a smile, but his face turns much more serious when he continues, “Living far from people is the best way to ensure that I may treat Gabriel the way he deserves to be, not as societal pressures demand that I do. I would much rather have a long walk to school than spend my time fearing that Gabriel will be taken from me by neighbors who don’t think I treat him the proper way.” 

“Wow, you’ve really thought about this a lot,” I mutter in awe, now wondering how much thought Castil puts into every decision, no matter how insignificant it might seem. “I’m really glad Gabe’s got you as his alpha.”

“Thank you, Sam,” Castiel murmurs with a large smile, his cheeks turning a pale shade of pink, seeming a little embarrassed by my compliment. “Come inside, it is very chilly today.”

Without needing to be told twice, I move out of the doorway and into their house, feeling a little disappointed by the fact that it isn’t much warmer inside, but at least there isn’t a sharp breeze cutting through my clothes. 

Once Castiel closes the door behind me and slides a chain bolt into place, locks the deadbolt, and the doorknob lock, I can’t help but raise a questioning eyebrow at him.

While flushing even darker, Castiel sheepishly says, “I like knowing that our house is safe at all times and that no one will be able to enter and harm Gabriel.”

“Safety is nothing to be embarrassed about,” I say with a reassuring smile, but I can’t help but wonder why he feels the need to use so many locks, especially while we’re literally out in the middle of nowhere. 

Once I look away from Castiel, I realize that, now that there’s no light streaming through the front door, it’s pretty dark in here. Even though the sun has started to set, casting the room in partial darkness, there aren’t any lights on.

It’s… creepy how dark it is here…

“Here, let me take those,” Castiel says, his words causing me to realize that I’m still holding the pizza box and balloon packets.

Wordlessly, I hand him the box, busying myself with looking for a light switch. 

It takes a few seconds, but I spot one a few feet away from where I’m standing, this light probably connecting to the tall, dark gray torchiere lamp in the kitchen.

I flick the light switch, but nothing happens.

Huh…

Maybe this bulb burnt out? 

Beside that light switch are two other ones but, upon pressing the other two, nothing happens.

Does he really need to replace three lightbulbs?

Why won’t any of the lights come on?

“Can we get some light in here?” I ask hesitantly after a few more moments of uselessly flicking the switches on and off. 

“My apologies,” Castiel calls out from a little deeper in the kitchen, but I can’t see where he is.

Suddenly, a small, bright flashlight appears from within the kitchen, allowing me to see Castiel standing in front of a counter, setting the pizza down on it. 

Through the light of his phone flashlight, I realize that the kitchen is small. Really small. There is one countertop, which has just enough space to hold a microwave and the pizza box. Beside the counter is a 3/4 length refrigerator, the small appliance only reaching my chin in height, allowing me to see the thick layer of dust and spiderwebs coating the top of it. On the other side of the counter, which is made of cheap, reddish-brown material, is a small sink. One side of the sink is piled with dishes, all of them seeming to be clean, but how clean can they really be just laying in the sink? The other side is obscured by Castiel’s back, the alpha now washing his hands, his phone propped up against the microwave to allow him to see what he’s doing.

Underneath the sink and countertop are two cupboards, one of which the door is completely gone, allowing me to see the many cans of soup, beans, and ramen stored under there.

Hesitantly, I turn my gaze away from the kitchen, instead looking into the rest of the room. There’s no couch. No tv. Just an old wooden table, complete with four chairs, one of which is tilted to the left side, seeming like one of the legs broke off.

Feeling shocked and a little numb, I turn back to Castiel. The alpha just watches me silently, his head tilted to the side in confusion, his eyes squinted slightly as he regards me.

“Is something wrong?” Castiel hesitantly asks, seeming to have no idea how wrong this is. 

“Gabe never told me how you two didn’t have…” I start to say, but trail off at the end, unsure how to put to words everything wrong with this situation. 

“Yes, we are very poor,” Castiel says curtly, jutting out his chin defiantly, as if he expects me to laugh at him because he doesn’t have as much as most people do. “It took a lot of courage to let you see our home. I know it is not much, but this is all we have. So, if you do not like it, please, just leave.”

I open my mouth to assure him that it’s nothing like that, but no sound comes out, feeling so rattled by the fact that my best friend has been living like this, and I had absolutely no idea.

I’m so sorry, Gabe…

I should have asked more questions…

I could have helped sooner…

“If you ever need anyth-” I start to offer, but Castiel abruptly cuts me off.

While taking a step toward me, leaving only a few feet between us, Castiel says through gritted teeth, “We are not a fucking charity case.”

“No, you aren’t,” I agree without hesitation. “You and Gabe are my friends, and I want to help you however I can. Just like with offering to drive you both to school. I know you’re both perfectly capable of walking there but, since I’m here, I can help you two.”

For several tense moments, Castiel just glares at me, his blue eyes filled with a fire that I’ve never seen before, his jaw clenched, hands balled into fists at his sides, seeming like he’s ready for a fight. 

Suddenly, that spark dissipates, all his resolve seeming to leave him with one large, shaky sigh.

“Thank you,” Castiel softly says as he looks down at the old, cracked linoleum beneath us. 

“Hey, that’s what friends are for,” I say with a smile as I close the distance between us to place my hand on his shoulder and give it a reassuring squeeze.

Instead of simply embracing the shoulder touch, Castiel shakes off my hold and wraps his arms around my torso in a hug.

I can’t help but chuckle as I hug him back, noticing that he and Gabe both seem to be very fond of being held by someone. 

After a few more moments, I pull back from the hug, wanting to get Gabe’s celebration started.

Wait, speaking of Gabe...

“Where’s Gabe?” I ask as I look around the kitchen and dining room, but there’s no sign of the omega anywhere.

That’s strange…

I expected him to be all over me the second I got here, trying to show me all the cool things he has. 

“He is currently getting dressed,” Castiel casually says as he grabs his phone from where it rests against the microwave, bringing it toward the table.

I can’t help but blink in surprise as he climbs on top of the table, a little worried that the old piece of furniture won’t be able to hold his weight. Now that he’s standing on top of the table, he reaches up toward the chandelier, the light fixture is a simple black rod that melds into a beige-colored bowl where the lightbulb rests. Instead of a lightbulb, Castiel places his phone with the flashlight still on inside the bowl of the chandelier, creating the effect of a lightbulb shining inside the light fixture.

Damn…

I… Wasn’t expecting that.

Castiel jumps down from the table, then sits down at one of the chairs, waving his hand in invitation at the chairs across from him. 

Slowly, I sink into one of the chairs, feeling extremely overwhelmed by this whole situation.

This… Wow, this really isn’t what I was expecting from today… 

“Sam, before Gabriel comes down, I wish to speak to you regarding a very important matter,” Castiel says once I’m sitting down, his words instantly making me feel nervous.

This doesn’t sound like it’ll be good...

“Okay?” I ask hesitantly, not knowing where this is going, but hoping it won’t be bad.

“Good,” Castiel easily replies, his tone and scent not betraying anything other than the fact that he’s nervous. “A little over a week ago, I was woken up in the middle of the night by a scream. I left the house and followed that sound in hopes of finding and helping the person. When I finally found the person, I discovered that he was a badly wounded omega.”

“Why are you telling me this?” I can’t help but ask, entirely at a loss for why Castiel is sharing this with me, especially since today is supposed to be about having fun and celebrating Gabe.

“I will get to that in a few moments, but I would prefer to tell you the whole story first,” Castiel continues in that same calm tone, his crypticness starting to irritate me. “I wanted to help the omega, so I took him home and asked Gabe to use his medical expertise to save the man. Together, we bandaged his most life-threatening wounds. What I hadn’t realized is that seeing another hurt omega would set Gabriel off and remind him of the own trauma he experienced.”

“Is that why he hurt you?” I hesitantly ask, slowly starting to understand why he’s sharing this with me.

I couldn’t think of a single reason why Gabe would attack Castiel, unless Castiel hurt him first, but this is starting to make sense.

If Gabe saw a physical reminder of some of the awful shit he went through, it’s no wonder why he lashed out at Castiel.

I can’t even imagine how awful that would be, to see another person who has been abused similarly to the way he has...

“Exactly,” Castiel says with a heavy sigh, seeming to be reliving that night as he speaks. “I don’t think he intentionally meant to hurt me, but he did. He was punching the bathroom door and I didn’t want him to hurt his hands. When I opened the door, he started punching me instead. I honestly thought that he would kill me that night, but, thankfully, that was not the case. We talked for a while after, I explained to him that I wasn’t mad and wouldn’t hurt him in any way, then we went to bed together.”

Before I can even think of what to say to that, Castiel barrels forward, “You and I met the next day. Gabriel stayed home ‘sick’, so he would be able to tend to the omega. The omega was unresponsive from Monday to Thursday. When he woke up again, he and Gabriel spoke for the first time. I don’t know what they spoke about, nor will I ever pry. But, he gained the omega’s trust and told him enough about me that the omega wasn’t as terrified of me. I hope you know, Sam, that I would never hurt anyone, let alone a wounded omega.”

“I know,” I say without hesitation, truly believing that this hurt omega couldn’t have ended up with a better alpha to take care of him. “You’re not like other alphas. Not even close.”

“Thank you,” Castiel says with another sigh, this one sounding relieved, especially with that small smile on his face now. “It means a lot to me to hear you say that.”

Almost as quickly as it had appeared, that smile disappears as he continues in a rush, “Sadly, the omega didn’t know that. It took a lot of coaxing, but I finally gained his trust. Gabriel and I both have. And neither of us have ever done anything to hurt him, nor will we ever.”

“I’m glad, but I still don’t get why you’re telling me this,” I hedge carefully, hoping that Castiel will finally get to the main point behind this story.

“I need you to understand that we have not hurt the omega living with us or taken advantage of him in any way,” Castiel reiterates, his voice hard and firm, for the first time since I’ve met him sounding like a strong, powerful alpha.

“I believe you,” I say without hesitation, knowing that, after everything Gabe has told me about Castiel, there is no way he could hurt anyone, let alone an already wounded omega.

“Good,” Castiel mutters with another relieved sigh, sounding deeply grateful that I believe him. 

After a few moments of tense, awkward silence, Castiel hesitantly says, “I suppose it is time I tell you who the omega is…”

“Yeah, that would definitely help clear things up,” I say a little forcefully, trying hard to not let my irritation grow because of the way he’s dragging out, well, whatever this is, for so long.

“Sam, the omega we found is named Dean. Dean Winchester,” Castiel says with another sigh, his voice small and timid, but he might as well have shouted through a mega horn, his words echoing within my mind relentlessly.

The omega we found is named Dean. Dean Winchester.

The omega we found is named Dean. Dean Winchester.

Dean Winchester.

Dean Winchester.

Dean Winchester.

Dean.

Castiel has Dean.

He has my brother.

I need to find him!

Now !

“Where the fuck is he?!” I demand as I jump to my feet, looking around the small kitchen for any sign of Dean, but all I see is red, fury pumping through my veins, my body getting ready to fight this alpha in order to protect Dean. 

The alpha slowly stands up, raising his hands level with his chest as he does so, but I don’t believe the display of meekness for even a second, knowing that this alpha has Dean, that this alpha has probably hurt Dean.

This alpha hurt Dean…

A low, guttural sound escapes my throat as I lunge at the alpha, my hands gripping his shoulders roughly as we fly across the room.

The alpha’s back slams against the refrigerator, hard enough for the man to wince.

Good…

This alpha deserves to pay for hurting Dean…

No one gets away with hurting my brother.

While shaking from rage, I slam the alpha back against the fridge again, his head tilting back and smacking the freezer door hard, the force of it causing a sickening crack to echo throughout the room.

“Sam I-” The alpha starts to say, but I don’t want to hear his pathetic excuses for why he hurt Dean, only needing him to pay for his actions. 

While smiling at the rush of power I feel, I release his shoulder with my right hand, instead pressing my forearm against the soft, delicate front of his throat.

Instantly, the alpha gags, his blue eyes going wide as he struggles to breathe through my hold.

The alpha grabs my wrist and tries to pry my arm away from his throat, but he doesn’t make any progress, my height allowing me to tower over him and keep a firm hold on the weaker alpha.

“What have you done to my brother?!” I growl in his ear, putting even more pressure on the alpha’s throat, causing tears to spring into those blue eyes.

“S-” the alpha tries to beg, but nothing more than a weak, breathless croak escapes him.

This alpha is entirely powerless right now.

And I’m going to enjoy every moment of it.

As the alpha’s eyes start darting everywhere frantically, his struggles increasing in frequency, I hear loud thuds behind me.

Before I can question what the noise was, a new, very familiar voice shouts, “Sammy, stop! Let him go!” 

Without thought, I take a step back from the alpha, growling in warning at the man as he man sinks to his knees, one hand clutching his throat as he coughs and gasps for air, the other hand bracing himself on the floor, putting him on his hands and knees before me.

While still growling, I turn around to find my omega staring at me, his body trembling and an arm raised level with his chest in a placating manner. 

The stench of fear, like burnt and ruined apple pie, something that was once so sweet but is now ugly, fills my nose instantly, the smell causing me to wince. 

The omega must be scared of this other alpha…

I will make him pay for hurting this omega.

For hurting my omega.

I turn toward the alpha again, the man still on his hands and knees as he fights for air, leaving him entirely defenseless to my next attack.

“No, don’t even look at him,” the omega demands in a firm, harsh tone, the sound of his voice causing me to spin around to watch the omega instead.

“Good. Do you know who I am, Sammy?” The omega asks, the name causing a new rumbling to spread through my chest, but this one is softer and less angry than the growling I was doing before. 

“My omega,” I mutter, my voice sounding deep and very threatening, especially if the low, pathetic whine I hear from the alpha behind me is anything to go by.

“My name is Dean,” the omega says, the sound of his name instantly making me feel lighter and happier, the words pack and home racing through my mind. “I’m your older brother.”

“Dean,” I repeat as I open my arms to hug him.

Slowly, the omega walks toward me, his approach making me feel happier and happier, not knowing exactly why I need him to hug me so badly, but knowing that I do.

Just when he is within arms reach, the omega walks past me, ignoring my open arms in favor of going to the alpha on the floor.

He… He’s choosing that alpha instead of me.

Feeling hurt and rejected beyond belief, I let my arms drop to my side, the rumbling in my chest instantly dying as I’m filled with deep sadness. 

The omega kneels beside the alpha, wincing as he does so, the sound causing both me and the other alpha to look at him with worry

“D-Dean, you should-dn’t be kne-eeling on your l-leg,” the alpha chokes out as he still fights to regain his breath, the sound of his voice seeming a little familiar, but I don’t know why. 

“You almost fucking died, so stop worrying about me for a goddamn second and let me make sure you’re okay,” the omega demands harshly, his words causing the alpha to flinch, their interaction seeming very strange to me. 

“Of c-course, m-m-my ap-pologies,” the alpha grounds out as he continues rubbing his throat, his eyes firmly rooted to the floor instead of looking at the omega.

The omega just rolls his eyes in response.

Carefully, the omega reaches out toward the alpha’s throat, prying the alpha’s hands away to touch him instead.

“Does it hurt when I touch your throat?” The omega asks softly as he lightly trails his fingers up and down the alpha’s throat, the movements causing the alpha to shiver violently. 

“A-A little,” the alpha says, his voice shaky and even deeper than it had been when he spoke earlier.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, I won’t touch you anymore,” the omega says in alarm as he quickly pulls his hand away from the alpha, holding it out in front of him like he was just burned.

With more tenderness than any alpha should ever be capable of, the alpha grabs the omega’s hand and places it on his throat again while whispering, “No, I like it when you touch me.”

Suddenly, I am unable to watch the two any longer as a hand grabs my wrist and forcefully drags me from the room.

I stare blankly ahead of me as this new person moves me along, not seeing where we are going or trying to resist, too lost in the heartbreak of the omega choosing another alpha instead of me.

A door closes somewhere around me, but I can’t bring myself to care, just wanting to hold the omega close and convince him to choose me instead.

Smack.

Pain explodes across the left side of my face, a loud ringing entering my ears as I clutch my stinging cheek.

Smack.

I stumble back against the wall when another sharp sting enters the right side of my face, not understanding where this pain is coming from, but not wanting it to continue.

I can’t help but whine as I let go of my cheek, instead raising my hands to block my face from my attacker.

“Come on, snap out of it!” A new voice angrily demands as hands grab my shoulders, shaking me roughly.

Wait…

That sounded like Gabe…

Slowly, I lower my hands to see that Gabe is standing in front of me, his hands on his hips and a deep scowl on his face.

Suddenly, Gabe’s right hand leaves his hip, instead smacking my left cheek in a rough slap, the force of it whipping my head to the side. 

“Ow, what the fuck, Gabe?!” I demand as I clutch my cheek tightly, not understanding where we are or why he just slapped me.

“Oh, you’re gonna ask me ‘what the fuck’?!” Gabe roars, his anger causing me to press closer to the wall for protection, not understanding what I did to make him so mad, but knowing that it must be bad for him to hit me. “You just went all alpha mode and nearly killed my fucking brother!”

Oh shit…

I attacked Castiel…

D-Didn’t I start choking him?

I… Did I hurt him?

What if I almost killed him?

No, he’s my friend, I wouldn’t do that to him!

Gabe must be wrong!

There’s no way I could hurt someone bad enough that they nearly died, but especially not a friend…

Gabe has to be wrong...

Realizing that Gabe is probably just being over-dramatic, like usual, I calmly say, “Come on, Gabe, he wasn’t actually in any danger.”

“Really?!” Gabe exclaims in shock as he takes another threatening step toward me. “About ten seconds after I heard you slam Cassie against the fridge, we came into the room to find you choking him.”

Oh fuck, I really started choking him then…

While taking another step, putting us face to face, Gabe jabs an angry finger against my chest and says in a steely tone, “If you were choking him that whole time, he would have fallen unconscious within a few seconds. And, had you kept choking him after that, he’d have serious brain damage or be dead. So, do you want to try telling me again that he wasn’t in any danger?”

I-I could have killed him…

I-I almost killed him…

W-Why?

Why don’t I remember what happened?!

G-Gabe said I went “alpha mode” on him…

I-I hurt him and I don’t even know why or how or anything...

“I’m so sorry…” I whisper brokenly as tears rush to my eyes, wanting so desperately to fix this, but I don’t have the slightest clue how to, especially since I can’t even remember what I did wrong.

“You better be fucking sorry!” Gabe shouts, the loud tone, especially with him directly in my face, causes me to flinch back away from him, but there’s nowhere to go, the wall behind me preventing me from getting away from his fury. “You have no idea what Dean’s been through while you two were apart! I don’t know the whole story, but I do know that alphas who acted on impulse and with violence made his life hell. So, if you give a damn about your brother, you’ll stop being an irrational prick and think with your head, not your biology, Sam Winchester.”

“God, I really fucked up, didn’t I?” I mutter hopelessly, hating the fact that not only did I hurt Castiel, but Dean too.

I haven’t seen Dean in three years, and now his first impression of me after so long is that I’m an alpha who can’t control himself and hurts others.

That’s not me though!

It’s not!

I-I wouldn’t hurt anyone like that…

But…

But I did, didn’t I?

I really fucked this up… 

“Yeah, you did,” Gabe agrees hotly, each of his words feeling like a punch to the gut.

I’ve ruined everything…

Fuck!

Before I can spiral too deep into dark thoughts, Gabe moves his finger from my chest, instead placing a comforting hand on my shoulder as he softly says, “But, you can fix it. Go out there and apologize. To both of them. And then ask to sit down at the table and have a rational conversation like civilized human beings, not animals.”

“Okay…” I agree with a heavy sigh, having no idea if I can actually fix this, but hoping that I’ll be able to. “Thanks, Gabe. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You’d probably be wolfing out on your alpha hormones more often,” Gabe says with a chuckle, but I can’t bring myself to smile, knowing that he’s right.

Seeming to realize that his joke didn’t land, Gabe sighs before squeezing my shoulder and saying in a reassuring tone, “Sam, it’s okay. This shit happens sometimes. You’ve been an alpha for barely even a month now. It’ll be hard to control your urges. This is a normal reaction to a high-stress situation. And discovering that your brother who’s been missing for years is alive and with some other alpha is definitely considered high-stress. It doesn’t excuse your actions, but I get it. I promise they will understand too.”

“I hope you’re right,” I mutter with a heavy sigh as I wipe away a few tears that started to spill, hoping that I didn’t ruin my chance to have Dean back in my life again.

“Oh, I’m always right,” Gabe teases with a wink and, despite all my worry and trepidation about this upcoming conversation with Dean and Castiel, I can’t help but chuckle at his words. 

“That you are,” I mutter fondly as I pull him into a hug, sniffing his scent gland without any trace of shame, knowing that, without fail, that sweet bakery and pastry scent of his comforts me and helps me feel like I belong by his side. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Gabe softly replies as he holds me tightly in return, his words and touches causing me to feel so at peace, as though he has always meant to be wrapped within my embrace. 

“Now, quit stalling and get out there!” Gabe exclaims as he releases the hug and playfully pushes me toward the door. “I know Dean will be so happy to see you again.”

I just nod my head and smile weakly, unable to speak against the lump in my throat, wanting more than anything for Dean to be happy to see me again, even after the shit I just pulled.

Slowly, I exit the bedroom Gabe and I were in and instead approach the kitchen, my nervousness and regret increasing with every step I take. 

When I reach the kitchen, I can’t help but stand in the doorway for a few moments, just taking in the sight of Dean and Castiel sitting at the kitchen table together. Instead of sitting across from each other, they sit side by side, their chairs close enough that Dean leans against Castiel’s side for support, one of Castiel’s arms firmly wrapped around Dean’s torso, holding the omega close.

In addition to their sitting positions, I notice that Dean looks happy. He really does. As he leans against Castiel, a small smile rests on his dusty pink lips. His eyes are closed, his head resting against Castiel’s chest as the alpha holds him close. Dean’s pale green shirt rides up a bit as he breathes in and out, allowing me to see bandage wrap clinging to his lower back, no doubt hiding some kind of wound that I definitely don’t want to see. One of Dean’s legs rests flush with his and Castiel’s chest, seeming like he’s trying hard to curl up into a small ball. Meanwhile, his other leg is propped up on a small, wooden stool underneath the table. A brace rests from his shin to well above his knee, telling me that he must have some kind of bad break. Lastly, I realize that the arm that isn’t resting against Castiel is fastened in a sling, bandage wrap poking out from underneath the short sleeve of his shirt. 

Dean’s been hurt.

It’s so blatantly obvious, and I should have known that this would happen after John sold him into fucking slavery, but it hurts to see him like this.

He’s my big brother…

He’s always been so strong…

Hell, he’s the strongest person I know…

But right now, he looks so… vulnerable…

Dean never relied on anyone, never took shit from anyone else.

But right now, it seems like, if Castiel weren’t holding him so gently, Dean might shatter.

And god, that’s such a terrible thought…

Dean has been hurt…

More than I could even imagine…

And... I hurt him too…

I almost killed Castiel and, by how it looks with them sitting together right now, doing so could have killed Dean too…

Dean needs Castiel…

He doesn’t need me to fuck up what they have…

While trying hard to fight back tears, I take a step backward, intending to just leave them alone before I can ruin anything else.

Instead of being able to make a silent getaway, I slam into something sturdy and nearly lose my balance; if it weren’t for a pair of hands grabbing my arm to help steady me, I would have fallen onto the dirty linoleum below.

I can’t help but roll my eyes when I see Gabe staring down at me, a shit-eating grin on his face as he releases my arm. 

“We’re back!” Gabe announces in a sing-song tone as he saunters into the room and plops down into a chair across the table from Dean and Castiel.

Instead of looking at Gabe, Castiel’s eyes instantly meet mine, the sight of the deep concern in his eyes causes me to wince as I look away, knowing that I don’t deserve his worry after I hurt him.

After taking a deep breath to steel myself, I turn my gaze to the ceiling, submitting to both Dean and Castiel as I whisper, “I’m so sorry. I… I won’t waste time giving excuses or trying to justify my aggression. It was wrong of me to get angry at you and think that you would hurt Dean. I’m sorry for hurting you. Both of you. I hope that one day you all will forgive me.”

“Of course, Sam,” Castiel softly says, his words surprising me so much that I drop my submission stance to instead look into his eyes. “While we have not been friends for very long, I know that your reaction was not usual for you. Your inner alpha wanted to protect Dean from invisible threats and, since he wasn’t in sight, that protectiveness turned into aggression against me because of my alpha designation.”

“That doesn’t excuse what I did,” I mutter bitterly, knowing that, even if logic and biology can give reason to my uncalled for aggression, that doesn’t justify the fact that I nearly killed Castiel.

“It’s okay, Sammy, we forgive you,” Dean easily says, the sound of his rumbling voice like a soothing balm on a painful ache that I’ve had for years now.

“Dean,” I whisper breathlessly, having so much I want to say, but all the words seem to get twisted into a jumbled, incoherent mess inside my mind.

“H-Hey,” Dean softly says, his greeting causing me to grin, so happy to see him again, to hear his voice, after what feels like a lifetime without my brother.

“It’s so great to see you again,” I say with a bubbly chuckle as I take a step toward him, desperately needing to hold him, to feel that he really is alive and safe again. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“Me too,” Dean says with a large smile of his own, but that smile turns into a smirk when he tacks on, “Bitch.”

“Jerk,” I whisper as tears rush to my eyes, feeling another lump enter my throat, once again making it difficult to say everything I want to.

Unable to find the right words, I just close the distance between us and kneel before Dean, refusing to tower over him while he’s sitting. 

The second I hold out my arms in invitation, Dean launches himself at me, his arms wrapping around me in a crushing grip that causes me to chuckle as a few tears slide down my cheeks.

“I missed you so fucking much,” Dean murmurs into my chest as I hug him back, being mindful of the bandages I saw on his lower back, but still holding him tightly.

I open my mouth to tell him how much I missed him too, but the only noise that escapes is a strangled sob.

“Oh, Sammy,” Dean whispers as he clings to me for dear life, moving his head from my chest to sniff my scent gland. “So good to have you back. You smell nice too. Like home.”

I can’t even think of how to respond to that, causing me to just clutch desperately to his back as I continue bawling.

After a few more moments of sobbing violently, I finally start to calm down, allowing me to shakily say to Castiel and Gabe, “Thank you for protecting him and bringing us together. I-I don’t know what I would have done if I never found him.”

“Sammy, I’m right here,” Dean mutters with a huff as he nuzzles against my chest, his actions cause me to release a watery chuckle.

“I know you are, and I won’t ever let you go again,” I promise vehemently as I hold him just a little tighter, needing him to know that, whatever he went through, will never happen again.

“I’m very glad you two are together again,” Castiel softly says, a large smile clearly heard in his voice.

“Thanks, Cas,” Dean says with a smile of his own, no longer holding me as tightly, but still keeping me firmly within his grasp. “None of this would be possible without you. Hell, I wouldn’t even be alive without you. Thank you, for everything.”

“You are very welcome, Dean,” Castiel replies with a sniffle, sounding like he might start crying too. “It has been my pleasure to help you on your road to recovery.”

Before anyone can respond to Castiel’s words, a deafening ding dong echoes throughout the kitchen and dining room, the sound instantly causing me to look toward the door, feeling a jolt of nervousness when Dean stiffens from fear in my arms.

“Did you invite anyone else?” I ask Castiel hesitantly, unable to see his face from here, but, if his sharp intake of breath is anything to go by, he doesn’t know who’s outside the door. 

Castiel doesn’t say anything in response to my question. Instead, he slides off his seat and crouches down low, moving toward the door without being tall enough to be seen through the gaps in the blinds. 

After a few moments, he reaches one of the windows and, while still crouching low, peers outside.

“Oh, fuck,” Castiel mutters under his breath, pure terror in his tone, the sound causing me to hold Dean tighter.

“Cas?” Dean asks shakily, sounding like he’s on the brink of panic. 

“Gabe, get Dean upstairs, now,” Castiel demands as he stands up fully, forgoing all pretense of hiding now that he knows who it is. “Hide him in your closet. Make sure he is covered up well. Do whatever you can to neutralize his scent. Then, come down here in your traditional omega attire.”

“Cas?” Dean asks again, his voice even weaker than before, but his grip on me is stronger than ever.

“There is a police car here,” Castiel says with a heavy sigh, his words causing me to feel confused as to why this is such a big deal, but Dean pales considerably. “I do not know for sure, but I think they are looking for you, Dean. No matter what, we will not let them get you, okay? Remember what I said about breaking every damn law to protect my omegas?”

When Dean gives a jerky nod, Castiel continues in a fiercely protective tone, “Nothing bad will happen to you, Dean, I swear. I would rather die than let anyone else hurt you. I promise you will be safe.”

Shakily, Dean gives another nod, then wordlessly stands up. While clutching his cane in a white-knuckled grip, Dean walks toward Gabe. With violently trembling fingers, Dean uses his free hand to tightly grab Gabe’s hand, their fingers interlocking together as the two disappear toward Gabe’s bedroom.

“Why would the police be looking for him?” I can’t help but ask as I jump to my feet, grabbing a can of air freshener from the kitchen and beginning to spray the area, hoping this will mask Dean’s smell. 

“Sam, I found him after he escaped his owner,” Castiel says with a heavy sigh as he also starts spraying the place down. “I don’t have any legal right to Dean. So, if the police find him, they have every authority to take him away and return him to the sick bastard that hurt Dean all this time. We absolutely cannot let them find him.”

“O-Okay,” I stammer shakily, unable to believe that not only Dean escaped his prior owner, but that, if this officer finds him, we could lose him for good.

A loud, impatient knock bangs on the front door, followed by the nasally voice of a man shouting, “I see your car outside, I know you’re in there! I’m with the Lawrence Police Department!”

Seeming entirely unphased by the man’s yelling, Castiel takes his can of air freshener and staches it inside the kitchen cupboard without a door on it, causing me to do the same.

Just when I think he’s going to open the door, he pulls me into a tight hug and mutters, “I know this is very invasive, but we need to scent each other to help mask Dean’s smell.”

I can’t help but blush profusely as Castiel’s nose nuzzles my scent gland on my neck, feeling strange about being scented by someone I haven’t known very long, even though I would consider him my friend. 

As I begin scenting him back, Castiel says in a rush, “I will have to act like a traditional alpha toward Gabriel while this officer is here. We have spoken in-depth about this, in case a situation like this arised. I know his boundaries, and I promise you that I will not do anything that Gabriel isn’t okay with, though some of this may be unpleasant for him. While this officer is here, I need you to know that I don’t mean anything I say about Gabriel. Also, do not mention your relation to Dean. Don’t show any sign of recognizing him. If this officer really is here for Dean, we can’t give him any sign of our omega.”

I just nod my head while pulling back from him, feeling extremely overwhelmed and inadequate to be dealing with this insanity. 

Right when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, Gabe returns. Instead of wearing the beige t-shirt and torn blue jeans he had on before, the man is clothed in nothing but a tight, sequin gold skirt. The high-waisted fabric leaves nothing to the imagination as to what is underneath the skirt, also while showing off his strong, muscular thighs and lean legs. 

As Gabe walks toward us, he sways his hips suggestively, giving me a flirtatious wink that definitely does not make me feel any type of way toward him. 

Gracefully, Gabe kneels down beside the chair at the kitchen table that he had sat in earlier, his skirt billowing out around him before settling down again. 

“You remember how to get out of this, right?” Castiel asks Gabe, the sound of his voice snapping me out of my stupor, causing me to realize that my jaw had dropped open like a moron. 

As Gabe nods, I realize that Castiel has used duct tape to bind Gabe’s hands together out in front of him, making Gabe seem defenseless, but apparently, he knows how to escape if necessary. 

“Good,” Castiel mutters as he makes sure the binding isn’t too tight, then fastens a leash to Gabe’s gold-colored lace collar, the fabric seeming comfortable, though demeaning.

For a few seconds, Castiel just stares down at Gabe, a deep frown on his face as he seems to contemplate doing something. 

“Sam, I want you to take my leash and step on it,” Gabe abruptly says, his words causing me to balk in absolute shock.

“Excuse me?” I ask just above a whisper, unable to believe what I just heard.

“The officer will want to know why we took so long to open the door, so just say that I was misbehaving, step on my leash for good measure, shit like that,” Gabe says nonchalantly, as if what he’s saying isn’t cruel and dehumanizing and so fucking wrong.