Work Text:
Callum was rifling through his wardrobe on a brilliantly hot June afternoon, a charity donation bag opened wide on the floor, when something caught his attention. He stopped mid way across the rack, then back two or three shirts. There was another pang in his heart as he looked at the yellow t-shirt, embossed with the rainbow and the perfectly obnoxious pride tagline of GAY AF.
He had a history with this shirt, one of the last times he'd worn it he'd been with Whitney and he'd passed it off as a joke, now, he might have had the chance to wear it and not feel hideously embarrassed by it but he couldn't. It had been a whole year since his last pride, since he'd first had sex with Ben, since he'd known deep down he was gay since he'd ultimately broken down under the pressure of his secret. Then as always happened, his brother barged into his head. It'd been last pride too, when Stewart had brutally beaten Ben, and left him for dead. Callum had been so determined that this year would be different, would be happier and that he could meet more people, so he didn't feel like a baby gay anymore but a fully fledged member of the community. He couldn't even listen to Heather Small's famous song since then. "What had he done today?" well... absolutely nothing, instead he was domesticated, throwing old clothes into a bag!
He'd had so many plans, to finally go out with his boyfriend, to have fun, then a global pandemic came and the whole world shut down, as if it were determined to ruin the anniversary. Frustrated he ripped the hangar from the wardrobe and flung it on the bed, He sat heavily next to it, hearing the springs protest, and felt the whole world suddenly weigh on his shoulders.
Ben came in then, announcing himself with a pat on Callum's back. Callum turned to face him, and smiled sadly.
[Babe, you alright?] Ben signed, before leaning in to kiss him on the cheek.
[I'm fine] Callum reassured him. Only problem was he couldn't disguise his eyes, which were bloodshot and itchy now, or even pass it off as a dust allergy.
Ben definitely wasn't buying it [no you ain't,] he looked at Callum sternly [there's something wrong]
[I'm fine] but his hands were betraying him, he couldn't form his thoughts into gestures quick enough to curb the tide of adrenaline which was coursing through his body. He got more and more flustered trying to sign and think of the vocabulary that he wanted to use, then he, still waggling his arms as if they might help him communicate.
He shifted himself a little further away from the top so that Ben could see it.
[Oh, I get it] Ben signed and seemed to deflate.
"It's supposed to be pride isn't it. My first one ever 'out', when I ain't afraid of what I am-
["what about next year, and the rest of your life?!]
"but-"
[you think there's a time limit on this stuff?]
"No... but I'll know. Y'know? I'll know what happened last year, and I'll know what happened this year. It doesn't feel like anything's moving forward [People come out when they're 40, when they're 60. This is the beginning of your] he put extra emphasis on this by prodding him in the chest [big gay adventure but it ain't a race.]
Ben's face lit up, it was almost possible to see the light bulb flashing over his head. [And, there's other things we can do!]
Callum felt his chest constrict, instantly he thought of the virus, the restrictions on his daily life, the restrictions on hugging Ben, of doing more than that with Ben.
[we can't.. we shouldn't-] he signed unhappily, not able to keep himself from frowning.
For that he got a slap round the head [not that thick head] Ben signed with a cheeky grin.
Ben got up then and disappeared out of the room again. Although he was deaf he still had a set of lungs on him!
"Lexi! Lex!" he called, prompting her to pop her head out from around her bedroom door.
They chatted wordlessly for a few minutes and Callum couldn't help feeling the anxiety building up in his chest again.
When he got downstairs he gasped, it was a wonderland of colours! They'd scattered trays of face-paint, tubs of brightly coloured glitter, and a collection of neon coloured marker pens all over the kitchen table; every colour of the rainbow was present. Not only that, but there were patterned stencils and sponges that had been stood up in the ceramic toast rack in the middle.
"Aren't these yours Lex?" Callum asked, his heart squeezing this time out of the generosity of his would-be (could-be?) daughter.
She only shrugged, and plopped herself down on a chair "We can all play with 'em" and it wasn't long before she'd grabbed a piece of paper and had started doodling herself, starting with a long arc of purple across the middle of the page.
[Come on then] Ben grabbed Callum by the arm and pulled him over to the kitchen table, then he sat down and looked expectantly up at him, he looked like a kid at christmas!
Ben smeared a blob of bright yellow across Callum's cheek, then Callum did the same with the green on Ben's. It was cute, Callum thought, watching the change of expression as he felt the cool liquid spread across his face. It started out as shock, and his mouth dropped open, then as the paint warmed to match the temperature of his boyfriend's skin, a slow, contented smile appeared.
[you're right] Callum signed, then grabbed Ben's hand before he could dip it again [this is fun]
still holding Ben's hand against the table he leaned forward and kissed him.
"Ew" Lexi groaned halfheartedly, still grinning from ear to ear.
Now it was time for Ben to be gross and mushy, it always seemed that Callum's vulnerability made him feel like he could actually be vulnerable [see,] he waslooking for his eyes [Just because we can't go out to a party, don't mean we ain't proud, it don't mean we're letting anyone down. It don't mean we've failed as gays-]
despite his prior mood Callum found himself beaming along.
[you should be proud of yourself, I'm proud of you]
"Me too" Lexi chirped up
[isn't that enough for a bit?]
They went on and on for ages, until the summer sun had started setting and Ben, Callum and the table were all covered in several layers of paint and glitter. They only stopped when there was a loud grumble. It didn't take long for Callum to find the culprit, Lexi.
"you hungry?" He asked.
She gave a furious nod, but responded verbally with only a horrible whinge. It was then that he saw what she'd been drawing all afternoon, it was amazing, what had started as a simple purple stripe had grown into a pride flag which spanned the whole page. There were several hundred colourful streaks of what was probably confetti, and right in the middle were three figures. They were labelled Dad, Callum and Lexi.
Callum was taken aback "Oh wow Lexi, this is amazing!" He tapped Ben on the shoulder [Look what Lexi drew]
[Woah! What a picture Lexi] Ben patted her on the back.
Finally, before they started tidying for tea Callum grabbed the piece of paper, and used two heart shaped magnets to stick it to the fridge. There was so much to be proud of, he thought, his chest swelling with warmth. There was Lexi, there was Ben, there was his work training to be a copper.
There would be so much more, for the rest of his life.