Work Text:
Yeonjun's pov
With a flavor of perfection, your cheeks would blush in a shade of magnificent reddish-pink only to make my heart and soul flutter. Whenever you look into my bare eyes, it would only fluster me with a question riddling me for why you think the way you think. I knew and read every thought of yours and that became my darkest secret. What I knew, I never said or asked about to you but instead, I took it as my chance to make it up to you, as a chance to make you smile one more time. I gave you everything that you wanted from me Soobin but I still am struck for the reason why you doubt me. With all that I did, in the very corner of my head, I still feared that you would restrain me for being a stalker. But in reality, all I wanted to do was to make you happy because I loved you and so did you.
But what still hits me is that behind your beautiful crescent eyes hid fathomless melancholic emotions. And knowing that time to time you used your tears to wash them away, hurt me to the very core and proximal of my heart. For you, I would be more than willing to exist as your medicine, as a cure when you are hurting. But that was up until I felt hurt for myself for the first time and not for you. After all this time I tried to protect you, gave immense love to your soul so that you won't float away or disappear in thin air like the ice that existed in the dust, you felt like you didn't deserve me and that was quite enough for my heart to rip apart. I felt the fear of losing you. But what about all the love that still lingers in my soul to get to you? He hates me, I concluded.
This was the time my roses began to thorn. The nettles grew over my horns stinging through my growing thoughts. Now I felt what it was to be hurt. But I soon came to a decision. It was time for me to stop reading your thoughts, I decided and it began right from that mere second. For the first time I talked to you without knowing what went through your head and that felt quite right even though I was frightened of hurting you. It finally felt as if I was talking to you. You smiled brighter than ever or maybe you always did and it was me who never gave you my true heed because I was always only focused on trying to acknowledge what you wanted. "I distracted my focus and found a better view". Now I regretted reminiscing all of the time that I had wasted. But still, the truth to be said was that you didn't deserve me but someone else and better. And you felt it yourself so there was no denying in that.
Still, I had to confront my mistake before I let it turn into my biggest guilt. My darkest truth untold had to be revealed. I walked up to you. I felt the mystery with not having a single clue of what you'd think and react like after I turn myself in, with my faults to you. Little did I know what you were up to and vice versa was the situation. You walked up to me as I did to you. My eyes met yours. Your eyes were looking at me with teary eyes for which I didn't know the reason. "Soobin-ah are you crying?" I asked dejectedly. "Yes", you replied while I could only wonder and wait for your answer before I could know the reason. "I want to tell you something but you won't agree with me" and you continued "I don't deserve you Yeonjunie" So this is goodbye, I realized, my heart ached. I looked at you as my eyes glistened. It was a moment before I had started to cry. I spoke, "You're right.. You don't deserve me"
"You deserve someone much better"
I could only cry because that was how I felt and that was the truth. "No... I meant the other way around". He thought I deserved someone better while I thought he did. He wept because he was overwhelmed to have me and it was the same reason from my side of the story. I truly loved him while he did too. So this was the time I had to confront myself and I did. When I did, Soobin at the beginning did not believe me a bit but when he did, he indeed got furious. He had his reasons to be angry about and thereby I do not blame him. But he took his time to forgive me and that proved me once again how beautiful of a soul he was. The fear of losing you still haunted me to the core but I hoped and desired for us to stay eternally as long as time extends.
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end of the story