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Yoo Joonghyuk found him on the kitchen floor of the industrial complex sometime after midnight.
The only source of light was coming from the window, where blurry traces of the moon were covered behind overcast clouds. A faint silver glow shone over his hunched figure.
It was also raining.
That must have been why no one heard him entering there.
The person on the floor was muttering something under his breath, and it took Yoo Joonghyuk a moment before he could make out the sentence that kept on repeating.
"Allmyfaultallmyfaultallmyfaultallmyfault–"
Joonghyuk blinked. Han Sooyoung's voice suddenly echoed in his head.
–I'm warning you, you idiot. Be careful with him. The Fourth Wall disappeared and his mind's in a fragile state. Don't do anything stupid.
Too bad he had a feeling he was about to do just that.
While controlling his voice, Yoo Joonghyuk parted his lips and called out the person's name.
"Kim Dokja."
The guy trembling on the floor didn't seem to hear him. At the same time, Joonghyuk finally noticed something trailing down his face.
... Tears.
Silent and transparent, they fell one by one in droplets, mirroring the rain outside.
Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip.
Kim Dokja held a kitchen knife in his hand.
"–allmyfaultallmyfaultallmyfaultallmyfault–"
Yoo Joonghyuk grit his teeth. Of course, by some stroke of luck, it had to be him who discovered Kim Dokja in this state.
Despite all his expertise and talents, Joonghyuk couldn't decide how to act. After all, he was probably the only person in Kim Dokja Company who didn't know how to deal with this kind of specific scenario.
If Yoo Sangah was in his place, she could easily comfort him. Shin Yoosung would be able to understand him best as his incarnation. Even Han Sooyoung would probably know what to say.
Lee Gilyoung, Jung Heewon, Lee Hyunsung. Anyone else would have been better.
But they weren't there. Instead, it was him.
Yoo Joonghyuk, the coldest, distant, most apathetic person in the group. Or perhaps even in the entire universe itself.
He was still standing at the doorway. He wondered if he should go back and bring someone else to help, then decided against it. It was too much trouble to wake them in the middle of the night for this. And besides, this kind of thing would probably worry everyone again.
Joonghyuk tried to call out to him again, louder this time.
"Kim Dokja."
This time he had been heard. The person on the floor flinched and finally turned to look at him.
Now that the Star Stream was gone, the 'censorship' around his face had disappeared as well. Before, his facial features used to be like a murky puddle whenever Yoo Joonghyuk tried to make sense of it. In his memories, it was like someone had smudged Kim Dokja's whole face with a thumb.
Now, he could clearly see his expression without needing to focus on one single feature. In this situation, however, it wasn't considered a good thing.
Kim Dokja's eyes were red with tears. His hair was a mess, as if he had dragged himself straight out of bed and staggered the entire way there. Flecks of blood stained the cuffs of his cotton pajamas as the knife trembled weakly in his grasp. His chest heaved. Short, uneven breaths escaped his rattling lungs.
Kim Dokja seemed to be having a breakdown, and he didn't know what to do.
"... Y-Yoo… Joonghyuk..."
He whispered this quietly under his breath as their eyes met. For a second, Joonghyuk thought he had calmed down.
Then, Kim Dokja backed away, shaking his head. He lowered his unfocused gaze. He was muttering to himself again.
"No… no, no, no, no, I… I'm sorry. I'm sorry... I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'm–"
He raised the knife in his hand. Yoo Joonghyuk glanced for a moment at the shallow cut on his arm before realizing what he was trying to do next.
"You fool–!"
He lunged at him without a second thought, trying to grab for the blade. The two of them thrashed around as Kim Dokja struggled to get away, wrestling against him. He swung the knife wildly. Joonghyuk avoided it as much as he could while trying not to hurt him in the process. Overwhelming in both physique and experience, he was finally able to pin Kim Dokja underneath him and the knife skidded away beneath the kitchen table, clattering.
The sound of the rain echoed with their strained breaths.
The sharp edge of the blade had nicked Joonghyuk's cheek. He felt a trail of blood slowly run down his face and drop on Kim Dokja's pale face.
The moment it did, Kim Dokja stopped resisting.
His tear-filled eyes were wide as his gaze focused slightly. Some hint of reason seemed to have returned to him.
Yoo Joonghyuk remained still, however. He refused to lower his guard until he was certain Kim Dokja was in a more rational state. They stayed like that for a good few minutes, neither of them moving away or speaking to each other.
Only the rain cut through the suffocating silence between them.
Then… Kim Dokja finally turned his face away.
"... Let me go."
It was a very small whisper. Enough that only the two of them would be able to hear.
Joonghyuk studied his expression.
"Are you going to do something stupid when I do?" he asked.
A moment passed. Then, Kim Dokja shook his head once.
Yoo Joonghyuk wasn't convinced. He noticed the way Kim Dokja trembled under him. His wrists felt so thin and fragile in his grasp. Small trickles of blood oozed from his shallow cut. His clothes were rumpled, and a button had fallen off his shirt, revealing a portion of his chest and shoulder marred with faded battle scars. They were proof of the stories they had experienced together.
A thought immediately passed through Yoo Joonghyuk's head as he looked at the real Kim Dokja like this.
Not as a constellation.
Not as a demon king.
Not as an outer god.
Not even as The Most Ancient Dream.
Right now, he was looking at Kim Dokja, the guy who used to work at a third-rate gaming company. The guy who had followed a shitty webnovel for ten years until its completion. The guy who had cleared all the scenarios alongside his companions and had shown them the 'epilogue' of the story that he promised to fulfill.
That's right. Yoo Joonghyuk was looking at this idiot.
Kim Dokja, the person broken down by the weight of the sins that he hadn't even been aware of.
Yoo Joonghyuk grit his teeth. Harder this time.
Then, very slowly, he moved away from him until they were sitting on the floor. He didn't say anything. Kim Dokja remained still.
Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip.
A small, quiet sigh left the other's lungs.
His head was bowed, face hidden by the dim shadows. He was still refusing to look at Joonghyuk's face.
"I... I'm sorry… I…" Kim Dokja finally trailed off. His voice was hoarse and quiet.
A second passed. The air seemed to be filled with words he was holding back.
"Sometimes…" Kim Dokja was whispering now. "I… get these thoughts… out of nowhere. And… and I…"
He shut his mouth. He gripped his wrist tightly, nails digging into skin.
"Stop talking," Yoo Joonghyuk told him.
He could roughly guess what was going on through Kim Dokja's mind. He knew the kind of person he was, after allーreckless, calculating, loose-tongued, and someone stupid enough to treasure his companions that he would sacrifice himself for them multiple times.
After finding out that the countless deaths and tragedies of the Scenario were caused by no other than himself, Kim Dokja, being the idiot that he was, would have surely hated himself more than anyone else. Enough that he would consider ending himself to atone.
But, as the being who gave life to this 'story', everything would cease the moment Kim Dokja stopped 'dreaming'.
It was a dilemma of wanting to die and needing to live.
Yoo Joonghyuk shook his head and leaned his back on the kitchen table's leg. He stared up at the rain outside the window.
He tried to sympathize how it felt. Of how it would feel like to realize that everything that had happened so far was a result of his own doing. That the enemy of the end they had been searching for had been no one else but himself.
Joonghyuk frowned. It was a pointless comparison. In the same way that Kim Dokja would never be able to understand the suffering he went through in his regressions, he knew he would also never be able to understand Kim Dokja's own pain.
That Kim Dokja seemed to have calmed down now. His breathing was even as he weakly moved back and leaned himself on the cupboard. The two of them were facing each other.
"... It... still feels like... a dream," he said quietly. A slight tremble remained in his hollow voice.
On the other hand, Yoo Joonghyuk said nothing. Even if he tried, he had nothing to say.
"I caused this."
Joonghyuk could hear the blame in his tone.
"... Everything. The scenarios. The deaths. Your regression. It's… it's all my fault."
He held back a sob at the end of his words. The tears that had dried on his face semed about to be replaced with new ones.
Yoo Joonghyuk breathed in and spoke.
"... Kim Dokja."
Kim Dokja flinched and shook his head. Joonghyuk repeated once again.
"Kim Dokja."
"... No."
"Look at me."
"N-No."
"I'm going to hit you."
The threat worked. Kim Dokja looked up and finally met his gaze. In the semidarkness, he looked like a lost, abandoned child. The same child they had met at the station an eternity ago.
"Yoo Joonghyuk… You, of all people, should be the one to hate me the most," he rasped.
"—You, of all people, should be the one who can't forgive me."
Joonghyuk recognized the emotion in his eyes.
Fear.
As someone who knew Kim Dokja and had fought with him in countless battles, he knew where that fear was from.
Yoo Joonghyuk replied.
"There's nothing for me to forgive you for."
He said this because he knew Kim Dokja needed to hear this from him, more than anyone.
The Demon King of Salvation had been busy saving others so many times that people had forgotten that even those who saved needed salvation as well.
"You may have started this tragedy, but it was also you that ended it."
Kim Dokja was silent after hearing that. The rain continued pattering on the glass pane.
Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip.
Then, the tears that he had been holding back finally trickled down his face, this time silently. He opened his mouth, then closed it. He tried again. He couldn't seem to utter anything. He raised his hands to cover his face in a desperate attempt to hide his expression.
Yoo Jonghyuk moved unconsciously. He dragged himself closer and allowed Kim Dokja's head to rest on his shoulder, both as an awkward half-hug and a way for Kim Dokja to continue crying without having to hide himself.
Jonghyuk could feel his body slightly shaking. He felt Kim Dokja tightly gripping the hem of his shirt.
"... I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing, you bastard."
"Still. I'm sorry."
"If you continue crying, the kids will see your ugly face in the morning."
"I know. I'm sorry."
Yoo Joonghyuk sighed quietly. Now that he thought about it, he had never seen Kim Dokja cry before. The child they saw at the station didn't count. The Kim Dokja that he knew had always been someone confidently smiling like an idiot while executing his next plan. Joonghyuk recalled how he had been laughing with the others earlier in the day. Behind his smiles, this was what he had been hiding.
Maybe… Just maybe, Yoo Joonghyuk suddenly thought it was fortunate that it was him who found Kim Dokja in this state after all.
Because if it had been someone else, Kim Dokja wouldn't have been able to cry like this. He would have put up a strong front so that the other person wouldn't worry.
"... You fool."
Yoo Joonghyuk muttered this as he patted Kim Dokja's back. He stared outside the window, listening to the rain and the sound of quiet sobs.
Time passed. Soon, the rain had stopped.
They stayed like that until Kim Dokja eventually fell asleep. Even as Yoo Joonghyuk carried his unconscious body back to his room, he didn't stir. It was a deep sleep. He seemed to have exhausted himself.
Yoo Joonghyuk sat beside his bed. He had already cleaned the shallow cut that Kim Dokja had inflicted. The sleeping face of the pale young man reminded Joonghyuk of the child he had taken as his form before he woke up and returned. Joonghyuk did not know what happened to him in the time he had dissolved into the worldlines, but he was certain it was not a wonderful experience.
Kim Dojka looked so defenseless. Weak.
Yoo Joonghyuk didn’t leave him alone for the rest of the night. He didn't feel like taking any chances in case he would wake up and do something again.
Fatigue washed over him. He remembered he had originally gone to the kitchen to make a midnight snack.
Joonghyuk closed his eyes and decided to rest for a bit.
Eventually, he also drifted off to sleep.