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Jiang Cheng strolled through Cloud Recesses, intent on meeting with Lan Xichen so they could talk about the growing border disputes between the minor sects that were located in their vicinity.
Truthfully, a matter as trivial as this didn’t require an entire visit, but Jiang Cheng missed his husband-and his son of course, but Jingyi lived with him during spring and summer. As they were both two prominent Sect Leaders, Jiang Cheng couldn’t completely abandon his home to live in Gusu, nor could Lan Xichen abandon his home to live in Lotus Pier. But the married couple made it work, and if things went well during the year, then all three of them were able to live together as a family for a couple of months.
This year was not one of those years. With Jiang Cheng frantically running back and forth from Lotus Pier to the Jin Palace, trying to help Jin Ling adjust to life as a Sect Leader, he’d had barely any time to spend with Lan Xichen who was just as busy. On the bright side, he’d spent a lot of time with Jingyi because he and Lan Sizhui stuck to their cousin like glue.
But today, he was excited to spend quality time with his husband.
Jiang Cheng had been so wrapped up in his musings, that he hardly registered two solid figures colliding into him until-
“Father!”
“Uncle!”
Lan Jingyi and Lan Sizhui stood there, pale in the face, eyes darting around as if they were afraid someone would appear.
“We’re sorry for bumping into you, Sect Leader Jiang!” Lan Sizhui bowed, and Lan Jingyi nodded, but both seemed distracted.
Jiang Cheng squinted at them.
“What’s wrong with you two? Are you hurt?” Jiang Cheng asked. He tried to search for any signs of injury on his son and nephew, but nothing caught his eye.
“Physically? No. Mentally? Yes .” Lan Jingyi shuddered.
Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes. “You’re just as dramatic as Wei Wuxian.”
“Father-!” Lan Jingyi exclaimed, offended. Lan Sizhui looked vaguely amused, but his shoulders were still tense. Jiang Cheng wondered what could’ve possibly thrown him off; Lan Sizhui was one of the calmest, most tranquil people he’d ever met, aside from Lan Xichen.
“Anyways, Jingyi, I’m here to see your Father. Is he in the Hanshi?”
“He’s…” Lan Jingyi paused mid-sentence to look at his cousin. They seemed to be communicating with only their eyes. When they were done, he turned back towards Jiang Cheng with a worrying expression on his face. Jiang Cheng had seen that look many times before.
His son was scheming .
“ A-Yi- ” Jiang Cheng growled out as a warning, but Lan Jingyi didn’t even bat an eyelash. He was used to Jiang Cheng’s temper by now. He knew his father was all bark and no bite.
“Uncle, we deeply apologize.” Lan Sizhui bowed, but he didn’t sound sorry at all.
“Father, I’m sorry. And despite what happens next, know that I love you.” Lan Jingyi also bowed. Jiang Cheng gaped at him.
“What the f-”
Lan Jingyi cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted, “A-Ling, your Uncle’s here!!” at the top of his lungs. Jiang Cheng almost covered his ears at the harsh noise. What happened to no yelling in Cloud Recesses .
Just as Jiang Cheng was about to scold him, the boys shot him one last apologetic look and sprinted off. Even Sizhui ran.
Jin Ling appeared from his guest room that was only a few meters away from where a Jiang Cheng stood, still gaping after his son and nephew in confusion.
“Oh, Uncle! You’re here!” Jin Ling pulled Jiang Cheng’s wrist, dragging him into his room before Jiang Cheng could even protest.
I suppose Jiang Cheng thought to himself, Seeing Lan Huan will have to wait...
~~
“A-Ling…?”
“Yes, Uncle?”
“...What’s this?” Jiang Cheng gestured to the small wooden table in the middle of his nephew’s room. There were four cups placed on each side of the table, along with four corresponding mats to sit on. Three of the four mats were unoccupied. “Why is a paper doll sitting at the table?”
Jin Ling huffed as if Jiang Cheng was being the ridiculous one. “That’s Sect Leader Nie of course.”
Jiang Cheng was beginning to understand why Jingyi and Sizhui ran away.
“Look, his robes are painted green and there’s a fan on his seat and everything!” Jin Ling exclaimed, proudly.
Jiang Cheng’s gaze darted back and forth from his nephew and the doll, wondering if the Sect Leader duties had gotten to Jin Ling after all. Should I check his temperature? Does he need a healer?
“Here’s your seat Uncle.” Jin Ling pointed the mat directly across from the doll.
“I-”
“Hurry Uncle.” Jin Ling said, taking an empty seat to the left of the doll...or Nie Huaisang. “Your tea’s getting cold.”
Jiang Cheng reluctantly took a seat across from the doll, feeling it’s lifeless, button eyes track his every single move. He picked up the cup on the table only to find it empty.
“Jin Ling…”
“Yes, Uncle?”
“There’s no tea in the cup.” Jiang Cheng said slowly, wondering if his nephew had truly gone insane. He was already making a mental list of healers they’d have to visit and medicines he’d have to acquire if he wanted to restore Jin Ling’s sanity.
“Did you hear that Sect Leader Nie? Sect Leader Jiang has run out of tea.” Jin Ling whispered to the doll. He paused for a few moments before nodding, “Indeed, I too believe this the best course of action-”
“Jin Ling.” Jiang Cheng snapped. “ What the fuck? ”
“Uncle!” Jin Ling huffed. He crossed his arms over his chest. “Please do not use vulgar language at such an important meeting!”
“ Important meeting?! ” Maybe Jiang Cheng was the one who had lost it. “It’s just you and I sitting at a table, with empty mugs, while I’m forced to listen to you talk to a goddamn paper doll!”
“Well, I think Sect Leader Nie would be very offended by your words-”
“ Jin Ling! ” Jiang Cheng was either going to strangle his nephew or himself with Zidian. “ What is the meaning of this? Have you gone insane? I can help you with some of your sect responsibilities if the stress is too much-”
Jin Ling shook his head, “Uncle, you and I have similar success rates with social interactions. Which is to say not much .”
Jiang Cheng scowled, “You brat-!” But Jin Ling wasn’t exactly wrong . At the last Discussion Conference, he’d broken Sect Leader Yao’s nose. Although it hadn’t been completely on purpose and it was Sect Leader Yao so honestly, Jiang Cheng thought he deserved a break-
“So,” Jin Ling continued, ignoring his Uncle. “I decided it would be a good idea to try to simulate a Sect Leader meeting!”
Jiang Cheng blinked. “What?”
“At first I had Sizhui and Jingyi pretend to be you and Sect Leader Lan, but in the end, they were more useful at serving Sect Leader Nie and I tea instead.”
Jiang Cheng blinked again. He stared one of the empty cups again and then back at his nephew.
“...So this is some glorified tea party?”
Jin Ling frowned. “Uncle-!” But then all of a sudden the doors opened, and in came Hanguang-jun.
“My apologies, Sect Leader Jin. I was looking for A-Yuan-” Lan Wangji froze mid-sentence. He stared at the table, the empty mugs, Jiang Cheng, the doll, and then Jiang Cheng again. “...I see you are busy.” Lan Wangji slowly began to walk away, squinting at the doll.
“Hanguang-jun!” Jin Ling greeted, oblivious to Lan Wangji’s desperate attempts to escape. “Please, have a seat.” He pointed to the mat to the right of the doll.
Lan Wangji opened his mouth, intent on making an excuse to leave, but Jiang Cheng sent him a fierce glare. Hanguang-jun, don’t you dare.
“Please, Hanguang-jun, or else your tea will get cold.” Jin Ling pleaded using his puppy-dog eyes.
Lan Wangji reluctantly acquiesced,and Jin Ling grinned as his other Uncle sat next to Sect Leader Nie and Jiang Cheng.
“Sect Leader Nie and I must search for important documents for this meeting.” Jin Ling picked up the doll and hoisted it over his shoulder, ignoring the incredulous looks he got from the men at the table. “Please excuse us, and enjoy your tea. We will be back very soon. Oh, and Sect Leader Nie says that your tea isn’t spiced, Hanguang-jun. We are aware of the Lan's aversion to spice.”
Lan Wangji narrowed his eyes at the mug, so Jiang Cheng elbowed him in the ribs, eliciting a nasty glare.
Lan Wangji sighed. “...Thank you, Sect Leader Jin...and Sect Leader Nie .”
Jin Ling hummed, satisfied. He and the doll left the room.
“There is no tea.” Lan Wangji muttered once Jin Ling left.
Jiang Cheng groaned, covering his face with his palms.
“Yeah, no shit.” Jiang Cheng sniped.
Lan Wangji didn’t exactly roll his eyes, because that would be improper and very un-Lanlike, but his left eye did twitch significantly.
“I will be leaving now.”
“You can’t leave!” Jiang Cheng hissed. “Don’t you get it? You’re just as trapped as I am!” Lan Wangji silently mused that this was probably where Lan Jingyi got his dramatics from.
Lan Wangji stood up, and raised an eyebrow as if to say Is that so? Watch me.
“Listen here, Lan Wangji. When you decided to marry my good-for-nothing brother, Jin Ling became your nephew too. So unless you want the wrath of a spoiled teenage brat bestowed upon you, you’ll sit back down and drink your tea!”
“ There is no tea .” Lan Wangji stressed.
Jiang Cheng shook his head, feeling no sympathy for his brother-in-law. If he had to deal with Jin Ling’s new brand of insanity, then so did the great Hanguang-jun. “Drink it.”
Lan Wangji scowled at Jiang Cheng but sat back down. “It’s empty-”
“Drink it.”
“But-”
“ Drink.”
Lan Wangji took a “sip” from the empty mug and then set it back down. Jiang Cheng did the same.
“This one’s spicy.” Lan Wangji muttered, darkly. He switched his cup with Jin Ling’s.
Jiang Cheng gaped at him, feeling his brain melt. Am I being trolled by Lan Wangji-?
Jin Ling finally arrived back, from God knows where, carrying “Nie Huaisang” and a couple of sheets of paper. He sat Nie Huaisang back on his mat and handed everyone a sheet of paper.
They were blank of course.
“Gentleman, let us begin the meeting.”
Lan Wangji nodded, and Jiang Cheng took another “sip” from his cup.
Jin Ling scanned the blank sheet of paper, and then nodded, clearing his throat. “The first order of business is establishing a fair tax rate on market goods.”
Jiang Cheng vaguely wondered if Lan Huan was looking for him. Would his husband save him, or would he be subjected to this for the next few hours? And his traitorous son...Had Jingyi ever really loved him at all?
“Jiujiu what’s your say on the matter?” Jin Ling asked.
“Uhhh, I think it’s a great idea.” He tried to sound as encouraging as possible, but he could feel both Lan Wangji and “Nie Huaisang’s” eyes on him as he spoke, and it was unnerving. He took another “sip”.
“Hanguang-jun?” Jin Ling asked.
“Mn. Taxation in major vs. minor sects should differ.” Jiang Cheng was surprised, yet thankful that Lan Wangji was going along with Jin Ling’s game.
“Hanguang-jun raises a great point!” Jin Ling noted. “Oh, and Sect Leader Nie agrees!”
Lan Wangji inclined his head towards the doll.
Jin Ling waved the paper in his hand, intent on discussing another topic, but when he brought his mug to his mouth he paused, taking a sniff.
“Eh? I was drinking green tea. The spicy tea was supposed to be for you, Uncle. I guess my servants got it mixed up. Here you go.” Jin Ling handed Jiang Cheng the mug, but all Jiang Cheng could do was gawk at it, then at his nephew, and then at Lan Wangji, who was wearing his same impassive face.
“ How-?! ” Jiang Cheng began. Jin Ling hadn’t been in the room when Lan Wangji had swapped the mugs..right? Furthermore these mugs were empty. Jiang Cheng fought the urge to smash the cup over his head in attempts to restart his brain.
“Hanguang-jun, is your tea alright?” Jin Ling asked, sounding genuinely concerned.
“Mn. Yes, thank you.” Lan Wangji replied, and then “Was the Oolong your idea?”
“How did you know?” Jin Ling gasped, “Did Sect Leader Nie tell you?”
“Mn.”
“T-that is just a doll right?” Jiang Cheng asked, borderline hysterical. “Sect Leader Nie isn’t actually here right?!” At this point, he wasn’t exactly sure.
“Uncle!” Jin Ling sounded scandalized.
“It’s quite rude to pretend someone doesn’t exist, Sect Leader Jiang.” Lan Wangji said in a completely even tone. He was s ure Lan Wangji was trolling him at this point.
“I-” Both Jin Ling and Lan Wangji glared at him. Jiang Cheng turned to face the doll. Had the lighting changed, or was it frowning at him?
“...Sect Leader Nie, I apologize for insulting you.” Jiang Cheng muttered, bowing his head.
“And for pretending you don’t exist.” Jin Ling added.
“And for pretending you don’t exist.” Jiang Cheng repeated,
“And for hurting your feelings.” Lan Wangji added, solemnly.
“And for hurting your feelings.” Jiang Cheng felt a migraine coming on. He began to sweat. At the same time, the doll tipped over onto his fan.
“Sect Leader Nie is lending you his fan as a sign that he accepts your apology.” Jin Ling explained. Jiang Cheng could feel even more sweat begin to form on his forehead. Lan Wangji helped “Nie Huaisang” up and handed Jiang Cheng the fan. Jiang Cheng hesitantly took the fan and then waved it across his face, the sweat and heat instantly fading at the cool breeze.
Jiang Cheng wasn’t even going to begin to question what the hell was going on anymore. He instead just said, “Thank you, Sect Leader Nie.”
The doll seemed to be wearing a smile once again.
Jiang Cheng just sighed and “drank” his tea. It was spicy, just how he liked it. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was wondering if he’d gone insane as well.
They spent the next hour “drinking tea” and discussing important matters outlined on Jin Ling’s blank papers. Jiang Cheng found himself impressed by his nephew’s depth of knowledge on various political issues. He truly conducted himself as an exceptional Sect Leader. Despite all of this insanity, Jiang Cheng was proud of his nephew.
“Before we continue this meeting, let me go and find my peasants.” Jin Ling excused himself from the table and left the room again. Jiang Cheng could hear a shrill “A-Yuan! A-Yi! I swear if you don’t get back here-!” in the distance. All that remained at the table was him, Lan Wangji and ... Nie Huaisang.
“Have you run out of tea?” Jiang Cheng pointed at Lan Wangji’s cup.
“Mn.”
Jiang Cheng turned towards the doll, “And you, Sect Leader Nie?”
Lan Wangji peered into Nie Huaisang’s empty cup. “There’s still some left.” He reported, in his normal, flat tone.
“Is he drinking green tea like A-Ling?”
Lan Wangji sniffed the cup. He shook his head.“I believe it’s Oolong.”
Lan Wangji turned towards the doll and then back to Jiang Cheng. “Sect Leader Nie would like to try the spicy tea.” He confirmed.
Jiang Cheng handed the doll his mug.
“Is it good?” Lan Wangji sounded curious. Jiang Cheng had no idea whether Lan Wangji was talking to him or the doll, but at this point, his mind was too muddled to care.
“Yeah, actually. I can’t stand bland teas. Um..no offense, Lan Wangji.”
“Mn.”
They were in the middle of discussing their favorite types of teas when they were interrupted by Jin Ling bursting into the room, pulling a shaken Lan Jingyi and a startled Lan Sizhui by their wrists.
“I’ve brought back my peasants!” Jin Ling announced to the table.
“Hey!” Lan Jingyi cried out in outrage. “We’re your cousins ! Not your peasants !” Lan Sizhui nodded, scandalized. They looked to Hanguang-jun and Sect Leader Jiang for help but the men seemed unphased.
“Uncles? Sect Leader Nie?” Jin Ling addressed the table. Jingyi and Sizhui shot either a look. Was that doll supposed to be Nie Huaisang? “Have you run out of tea?”
Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji nodded, in unison.
“What the hell?” Lan Jingyi hissed, ignoring the scowls he got for his language.
“B-but A-Ling...the cups are empty…” Lan Sizhui tried to reason.
Jin Ling huffed, “That’s the point! They’re empty, hence we need more tea.”
“...They’ve been empty from the start! They’ve never had any tea-”
“Peasants should not talk back.” Lan Wangji interjected, looking completely serene.
“Father!” Lan Sizhui gasped at the same time as Lan Jingyi’s choked “Uncle!”
Jiang Cheng nodded. “Make sure Hanguang-jun’s tea isn’t spicy, we know you Lans don’t like spice. He prefers the Oolong, but wouldn’t be opposed to black tea if you run out. Personally, I want more spicy tea...” Jiang Cheng looked at the doll for confirmation before continuing, “And Nie Huaisang would like to try more spicy tea as well.”
“Mn.” Lan Wangji agreed.
“Father?!” Lan Jingyi sounded horrified. “Uncle?!” Lan Sizhui also sounded horrified.
“Hurry up, we don’t like to be kept waiting.” Jiang Cheng snapped, “Especially not Nie Huaisang.”
“Mn.” Lan Wangji said, with more feeling.
“B-but t-that’s...That’s a doll !” Lan Jingyi whipped his head to stare at his cousin. “That is a doll right?!” He hissed under his breath.
Lan Sizhui couldn’t answer. He looked like he was about to faint and whether it was because Hanguang-jun and Sect Leader Jiang were getting along so well, or because they were all talking to a paper doll ...Lan Sizhui didn’t know.
“Make haste.” Lan Wangji said, breaking his son and his nephew out of their stupor.
Lan Jingyi and Lan Sizhui looked at each other, nodded, and plastered on the biggest and fakest smiles they could muster.
“Of course! Right away!” Lan Jingyi’s voice enthusiastic but neither boy could hide the fear in their eyes. Once he and Sizhui were a few meters from the guest room, they sprinted away as far away as they could.
While running they bumped into Zewu-jun. Lan Jingyi was beginning to experience deja-vu from earlier.
“Father!” Lan Jingyi bowed, but he couldn’t stop his arms from shaking because apparently Sect Leader Jiang and Hanguang-jun had tea parties with dolls now-
“Uncle!” Lan Sizhui was still pale.
Lan Xichen gave them a warm smile, “Are you two alright? You seemed a bit startled.”
Lan Jingyi had already lost one father to Jin Ling’s insanity, he wasn’t about to lose another.
“We’re fine, Father! But please, for the love of God, do not go into Jin Ling’s guest room.”
“Pardon?” Lan Xichen’s raised an eyebrow at his son’s dramatics. “And Jingyi have you seen your Father-?”
“It’s already too late. A-Ling’s already gotten to him!” Lan Jingyi grabbed Lan Sizhui’s hand and they started running away again. “ You can’t save him! You have to save yourself!”
Lan Xichen frowned, scratching his head in confusion, but he was used to his son’s antics.
“Ah! Zewu-jun!” Wei Wuxian approached Lan Xichen and slung an arm over his brother-in-law’s shoulder. Lan Xichen actually let him keep his arm there, unlike Jiang Cheng- “Have you seen my husband?”
Lan Xichen shook his head, “I was actually looking for mine as well. I haven’t seen Wanyin all morning. I’m a bit worried.” He explained.
“Hmmm..” Wei Wuxian tapped his nose. “Do you have any idea where either of them could be?”
“Well, Jingyi said something about Wanyin spending time with A-Ling, which isn’t unusual persay, however I doubt Wangji would be there too.”
Wei Wuxian threw his head back and laughed, “Could you imagine Lan Zhan and Jiang Cheng actually spending time together, without getting into a fight?”
Even Lan Xichen smiled at that. “It would indeed be quite the sight.”
“Ah, well why don’t we look for Jiang Cheng together and then afterwards you can help me look for your brother?”
Lan Xichen agreed, and together they made their way towards Jin Ling’s room. They could hear muffled voices from the inside as they approached.
“What if we diluted the tea?” He and Wei Wuxian immediately recognized it as Jin Ling’s voice.
“But that would just take away the flavor.” That was Jiang Cheng’s voice. “Sect Leader Nie, don’t you agree?”
Since when had Nie Huaisang been in Cloud Recesses? Surely Lan Xichen would’ve known, he was the Sect Leader after all. There was no verbal response from Nie Huaisang.
“Mn. Sect Leader Nie’s idea is good.” And that was Lan Wangji’s voice . He looked at Wei Wuxian who had choked upon hearing his husband.
“What the hell?” Wei Wuxian mouthed to Lan Xichen, who just shrugged, completely baffled.
“You should try the green tea next, Lan Wangji.” It was Jiang Cheng’s voice again.
“Mn. Perhaps you should try the Oolong afterwards, Jiang Wanyin.”
“Of course,. A-Ling, do you want some Oolong as well?”
Curiosity got the better of them, and Lan Xichen and Wei Wuxian peeked inside Jin Ling’s room intent on seeing what the hell was going on. The scene they saw made both of them freeze in place.
Lan Xichen was met with the sight of Jiang Cheng, Lan Wangji, Jin Ling, and a paper doll all sitting around a small table, unfilled and unused mugs laid in front of each of them. Even the doll.
“What was that?” Jiang Cheng leaned in towards the doll, and cupped his hands around his ear as if the doll was going to whisper something into his ear. “Ohhhh, I see. Sect Leader Nie says that our brothers are near.”
“They will join us for tea.” Jin Ling stated, leaving no room for arguments.
“Mn. Can your servants prepare two more cups?” Lan Wangji asked.
“Of course. I’ll have to find them first. In the meanwhile, I’ll go get more mats.”
“...Xichen-ge?” Wei Wuxian hissed.
“Yes, Wei Ying?” Lan Xichen’s eyes were wide as he stared at the bizarre... gathering? Meeting? Tea party ?
“Maybe we should...maybe we should go …” Wei Wuxian grabbed Lan Xichen’s shoulder and they started slowly backing away. Lan Xichen accidentally stepped on a fallen twig, and there was a loud snap that startled everyone inside Jin Ling’s room.
“What was that?” Jin Ling asked from inside.
Wei Wuxian and Lan Xichen took one look at each other and bolted away, faster than Sizhui or Jingyi ever could.
Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji shrugged at each other, and went back to “drinking their tea”.