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“Did you puke again?” Kevin barks, incredulous from his spot on the couch, when Neil finally leaves the bathroom that morning, “Go to a fucking doctor before it affects your game.”
Neil simply flipped the other man off on his way into the kitchen. Sidling up to Andrew he accepts the offered donut, hoping to clear out the stomach acid taste. The nausea would go away by practice so why should he?
“Oh my God, your rubbing off on him,” Kevin continues, this time directing his complaint at Andrew.
In a similar fashion to Neil, Andrew also flipped off the health nut.
Neil recalled that mornings interaction with much bitterness now that he was on the exy field. It was only halfway through practice that regretfully, Neil realized Kevin was probably right, not that he'd ever tell the prick.
It happens right after a pass, something about the weight of the stick and strength of the swing sends his vision swimming. In a second he's brought the stick down with a thumb, using it as a support. Blackness creeps around the edges of his vision and he can feel his body swaying.
When the dizziness finally fades, Neil is surprised to see Wymack, standing in his line of sight giving him a look.
“I know it's useless to tell you to see a doctor, but just let Abby take a look at you.” He pronounces, jabbing a thumb in the direction of the exit.
Neil complied with the willingness of a mule, but he did pull himself together and exit the field. He sent a frown in Kevin's direction as he went through the field door and received a scowl in return.
When Neil arrived, Abby was doing whatever it was she did in her office when injured players were not present. She jerked to attention at his soft knock on the door frame.
“Yes, Neil, come in, what's wrong?”
“Got dizzy on the field, Coach sent me back.”
She hummed in sympathy before directing him to the table “Here sit, Is this the first time?”
Neil glanced away and chewed his lip, resisting the urge to say, “I'm fine.” If he did and she sent him back Wymack would keep him out of practice the rest of the day out of spite.
“No.” he finally conceded.
“Anything else?” The steel in her gaze alone could have forced the truth out of him.
“Nausea, in the morning,” and after a moments thought, “and tired.”
Abby frowned, scanning him.
“You are a bit paler than normal. Perhaps you just need more iron...” As she trailed off she turned to her desk and searched around in a drawer only to pull out a syringe.
It was Neil's turn to frown.
“I'm just going to take a little blood to see.”
With much unhappiness Neil allowed her to grasp his arm. Thankfully, she was quick and efficient, she tied on the tourniquet with practiced ease and took the blood in a matter of seconds.
“Now, I will say for now sit out until all dizziness subsides. I will be sending this for testing, and for full discloser, due to this team,” the made an affectionate but exhausted expression, “it will be tested for a number of things and could take a couple of days. Don't push it and I'll let you know.”
And indeed she let him know via a voicemail left during a class a couple of days later. All it said was, “Neil, I need you to schedule a doctors appointment. The blood test indicated the potential of pregnancy. If you need me too I can take you. Please call me back.”
After the doctors visit confirmed Abby's suspicion, she drove him home in silence. Neil could feel her eyes on him, the unspoken words, but she kept quiet until the pulled up next to the dorm. Mid-afternoon sun light up the car's dash.
She didn't unlock the car right away, instead staring intently out the windshield, seemingly chewing on her words as Neil considered why he even consented to her taking him to the hospital. (It was because he'd not have gone otherwise, it was better this way).
“I won't say anything and it's your choice, what to do now.” She gave him a look then, unlocking the door and watched him climb out of the car. The look said “we're here” and “don't run”. Every fiber of his being wanted to run, but there was no escape, and running would for once, only make everything worse. So, he gave her a nod, not trusting words to work at the moment, and headed in.
No one was in the dorm when he arrived, another blessing. Studying was out of the question. So he simply went to the bedroom. Neil considered switching to exercise clothes, pulling out the corresponding drawer of the dresser.
Unconsciously, a hand slipped into his pocket to toy with the edge of the image given to him by the nurse. Eight weeks, nearly nine. A heartbeat, there was a heartbeat.
He shook the sudden trance away, skipped switching clothes, instead ascending to his bed and just laid there.
A baby. A son or daughter. Neil a parent, a mom. Andrew, a dad.
He pressed his palm against his closed eyes. What was he going to do? How was he going to tell Andrew? What was Andrew going to say? What if he never had to tell Andrew, just aborted and called it a day? There was Exy to consider. The deal with the Moriyamas. But what if he kept it? Would he even make a good parent? He never interacted with kids and his childhood was nothing to draw on. Why was he considering this? The answer would be to abort. Its what his mom would do. But she didn't. She had to know what kind of life she was bringing him into, so why?
Neil considered those nights when they were on the run, her arms keeping him close. And his throat tightened, the desire to smell a cigarette like a grip around his heart. She loved him, and there must be some part of him that could do the same. But at the same time, he remembered all the times he was forced to learn from his father, the times he was handed off to Lola to learn to fight, to learn to bleed. At best Neil might be an apathetic parent, leaning towards neither of his parents' behavior.
Andrew, king of apathy, but the definition of safety. He might make a great parent.
Neil gritted his teeth against the swirling thoughts. Tried to think about running, maybe taking a different path today, away from the foxhole court, up around the class buildings. Classes would for the most part be over, a lull between afternoon and evening classes. Practice would be over soon too.
As the thought drifted past, there was the telltale sound of his teammates return filtered through the dorm walls. The bedroom door itself swung open, causing Neil to bolt up into a sitting position.
His eyes met Andrews.
There was silence, as there often was between them, as Andrew passively observed him for a moment.
“Staring.”
Neil blinked.
Andrew was slow with his approach, but surprised Neil by climbing up the bunk latter. He slid to sit beside Neil, gently leaning against him to force him to share the space.
“Is it bad?”
As promised, Abby hadn't said anything, but it was still common knowledge she forced Neil to the hospital instead of practice.
Neil was at a loss for words. He felt a little light-headed too so he leaned against Andrew, savoring the steadfast, broad shoulders.
He must have let the silence linger too long because Andrew demanded, “Tell me, Josten.”
Neil could not say why he said it, no preamble just condensed truth.
“I'm pregnant.”
“What the fuck kind of doctor told you that?”
What response could Neil provide, but to slip a hand into his pocket for the image, and pass the proof to Andrew. Seeing the picture again made Neil tense. The bean shape, barely starting to take human features. Tiny now, but soon to quickly increase in size.
Andrew for his part took the picture calmly. He held it, and held it, and held it.
“Andrew?”
With a stunning amount of care, the ultrasound was placed on Neil's pillow before Andrew turned. His hand came up to rest against the back of Neil's neck.
“This is your home, and you make your own choices. I am here no matter what.” The intensity of his eyes held Neil in place.
With his piece said, Andrew left. The dorm main door opened and shut as well.
Like his puppet strings had been cut Neil collapsed back to the bed.
His heartfelt too large for his chest because Andrew was all he ever needed and his mind kept playing back Andrew placing the picture down so careful.
He reached above his head to the picture, once again dwelling on its contents. This was his, but also Andrews. This would increase their family, a concept Andrew so fixated on, by one. Andrew had stated he would support whatever decision Neil came to, but what did Neil want?
He wanted Andrew, every piece he was allowed.
Neil felt like he was on the edge of a decision. A decision he couldn't make without Andrew despite the freedom given.
So, Neil got up. He made his way through the empty dorm in search.
Andrew was in the first place he looked, smoking on the roof.
When Neil closed the roof access Andrew spared him a glance and put out the half-done cigarette on the cement roof. He then flicked it to the ground bellow.
“That was fast.”
Neil ignored the unsaid question, opting to take his place beside Andrew.
“What about Exy?” Neil voiced the first of many concerns.
“Fuck stickball, we'll figure it out.” Andrew caught on quickly.
“And my deal?”
Andrew looked him dead in the eye. “I'll figure it out.”
“And...”
The flat look shut him up.
Fingers brushed his own as they both leaned toward each other. “But out promise is canceled?”
“Shut up. It'll be okay.” Andrew breathed before they met in the middle. Andrew's lips tasted like smoke and salt.
Neil woke up, aware of the decision he made, but going over the factors again. Was this a bad idea? Probably, but he was safe now. But would this impact the future he'd been barely granted? He wanted to play Exy forever, which he'd still be able to do, with only a temporary pause. And, he admitted to himself, he wanted a forever with Andrew.
Andrew was so resistant to the word forever but so compliant with the rest that Neil had assumed they would continue as they had, unchanging for fear of pushing too hard. This was a disruption. But they had disruptions before, ones that pushed them to where they were now. Neil tried to consider his future with Andrew. If life taught Neil anything though it was that people die. As he considered this, his hand drifted to his stomach and he frowned to himself as soon as he noticed. This was one more person to keep alive, but it would be a piece of them.
He imagined it then, a kid. A combination of Andrew like features and a couple of Neil's. A kid that he'd get to hold, that would squirm out of his grip to play. Someone that would watch Andrew and Neil on an Exy field, run up to them after games. Was this a future Neil was allowed?
It was just a season he'd be out, but there was one person who'd need convincing of that.
With a clear goal in mind, it was easier to consider at least the immediate future. So with at least enough silence to not wake Nicky or Kevin, Neil slipped out to the roof.
As soon as he sat he was dialing the number. A secretary answered.
“Who's calling?”
“Neil Josten. Ichirou will want to speak with me.” He hoped.
“Yes,” was the calm, grave voice he remembered from the car.
“In a short time, there will be an announcement of my pregnancy. This affects nothing, I will be back to playing with next season.” It was best to rip the band-aid off quickly.
“Be sure of that.” And then the call was cut off.
Telling his teammate would be easier after this.
Week 13
Neil was laying on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. The couch was too lumpy and he'd fall asleep in the bed. Laying down didn't help either, but it was better than standing. So, the floor of the main room it was.
Discomfort, bordering on pain radiated from the small of his back to wrap around his hips. He'd been told to expect this, narrower hips needed to make room. But it had come and gone so inconsistently over the last few weeks and this time it stuck around half the day.
Old, well-used carpet was kind of itchy. A nap was looking more and more appealing, but he'd need to leave for practice shortly after Andrew got back from class.
He was saved from having to decide by Andrew's arrival. The couch, unfortunately, blocked his view but the unmistakably sound of Andrew and his combat boots came through the door.
Neil watched him come around the couch into the room and drop his backpack on the corresponding desk.
In a moment he was standing over Neil. “What are you doing junkie?”
Neil moved his arms up to slid his hands under his head. “Laying on the floor.” He smiled lazily.
He was rewarded with the usual flat look followed by a not inconspicuous sweeping gaze. Andrew moved to stand over him.
“Yes or no?”
“Yes.”
In a moment, Neil's hips were being straddled as lips met his own. Hands started roaming his sides. Neil's own hands slipped into soft hair.
“We'll have to leave for practice soon,” Neil said between kisses.
“You said yes Junkie.”
Hands were now slipping up his shirt. It was a sufficient distraction from the hip soreness. A hand was roaming the planes of his stomach, before abruptly stopping. Moments passed before Neil noticed and he only did because Andrew broke the kiss, although he continued to hover just above Neil.
“Your showing.”
“No.”
Andrew started to withdraw so Neil continued quickly, “I think I'd have noticed if I was showing.”
A vaguely annoyed tint entered amber eyes. And, Andrew had a point. Neil probably wouldn't have noticed, between his mirror avoidance and ill-fitting clothes. He dropped a hand from blond hair to see for himself. Sure enough, where there was usually a dip there was a raise.
“I'm showing.” It was like the words themselves were the proof. And then Andrew was kissing him again, with renewed vigor.
Week 15
Neil wasn't sure what he specifically said that pissed off the other team's striker, he just knew he didn't regret it. The man was a gorilla and probably about as smart. The whole first half of the game was spent dodging the asshole as much as trying to score. Neil still couldn't bring himself to regret whatever he told the hot-headed asshole.
There were moments he could feel eyes on his back coming from the goal, but Neil could fight his own battles and Andrew couldn't do anything from over there anyway. Neil ignored it as best he could while stepping quickly sideways to avoid a nonsubtle sweep to his legs from the gorilla. He was a tad incensed since he did not even have the ball. But the referee failed to see it and nothing happened. There were also several stick hitting stick incidents that involved more force than required as well.
A frustrating side effect of pregnancy was his diminished stamina and by half time Neil was wearier than usual, further impacted by the brewing conflict. Despite the gorilla's attention on Neil, the other team was steadily pulling ahead. The game was not looking good.
As the team trotted off the field for halftime Wymack turned a look on him, “Think you can go back in?” The obvious implication of his lack of faith in the newer team members went unsaid. The other implication being he was unsure Neil could last rest of the game, concern had laced his words.
Neil just nodded, taking another swallow of sports drink and straightened the unfamiliar and uncomfortable full chest guard. The chest guard had been a compromise of sorts, part of the agreement to let him keep playing in games. Instead of the lighter ones warn by strikers, it was more like the ones worn by goalies.
Andrew glared at Neil before speaking up. “I'll go back in too.” Renee glanced at him but willingly conceded her usual game time to him. Kevin, who'd been giving the scoreboard sour looks seemed to perk up.
A short time later they were all filing back on the field. The other team had all changed out players, but for the gorilla.
It took two minutes. One second Neil had the ball and was running along the plexiglass wall and the next he'd been smashed into it. His chest hurt and it took a long second to catch his breath. The very next second Andrew and Matt were there, Matt throwing a punch and Andrew catching Neil. Neil's sluggish mind could only conjure a, “huh, interesting.”
“Raise your hand, your out.”
Neil gave him a vaguely confused look, “I can still get up.”
Andrew's expression was both bland and annoyed. “I may no longer have a deal with you, but I do have an obligation to them, now let me keep it, by you listening to me.”
Neil's mind finally caught up. “I'm fine, we're fine.” Despite his words, the moron did raise his hand.
Week 17
Realistically, Neil knew there was a point it would become obvious he was pregnant, but he thought he'd been hiding it. Then again, his “mysterious” disappearance from games was suspicious, as was the addition of a full chest/torso guard to his equipment when he was still playing.
He should have seen this day coming from that moment on the dorm floor when Andrew noticed. Or that time he had sat on the floor, next to Andrew's beanbag, and he had felt a once loose shirt tighten across his middle. Nicky had given him a side-eyed look but otherwise didn't comment. Just last Friday he'd refused an Andrew selected shirt for clubbing based on it being too revealing.
So, when Kevin came in, gossip rag in hand, it took a moment to connect the dots when he declared. “Neil you have to make an announcement.”
As usual, Kevin was a storm of frenetic energy that he became when anxious. Kevin stormed to the kitchen where Neil was removing a yogurt from the fridge. The magazine was slammed down on the counter, open to a page titled, “Are these Athletes hiding a Baby Surprise?!?” The title was in nauseating bubble letters.
Neil feigned calm, “And why should I?”
“Because rumors become facts.” Kevin paled a bit. “Oh God, what if Ichirou finds out?”
“You grow a damn spine.” Andrew had wandered over to the kitchen from the living room to participate in the confrontation.
“I already told Ichirou and its already a fact.” Neil was half tempted to rest a had on his stomach to prove a point. Instead, he turned to get a spoon.
“Aw, Kevin where did you sniff out this trash? Addicted to tabloids are we?” Andrew taunted, grabbing the magazine and lifting it by a corner like it was poisoned.
Neil turned back around in time to spot the section on himself.
“Neil Josten, Exy Star on his way to the big leagues, detouring to have a baby? Who's is it? Is he gay?” The picture was of him returning from a run, his clothes damp from a brief rain shower, the clothes revealing the soft, outward curve of his stomach. Next to it was a comparison image from a few weeks before, his stomach flat.
Neil exhaled through his nose and dodged the other two men on his way to the couch, to hopefully eat his yogurt in peace.
Week 20
Neil was in a beanbag chair staring bitterly down at his textbook, realizing his back needed more support than plastic beads could provide when Andrew got back. The momentary distraction is a relief as he follows Andrew's path through the dorm to drop off his backpack, head to the bathroom, and return to the main area. There is the crinkling sound of plastic bead against plastic bead as Andrew slid into the beanbag next to him.
“Yes or No?” Andrew asked, perched sideways and facing him.
“Yes.” Neil breathed. It had been a while and belatedly he realized it was because he hadn't initiated anything in more than a month.
However, his train of thought vanished as soon as Andrew's lips were on his. He grabbed the fabric of Andrew's shirt, pulling him a bit closer. Andrews hands started on his hips and began roaming.
There was a nudge and he opened his mouth. Andrew had pushed up his shirt to touch skin to skin. It was being this close that allowed Andrew to feel the minuscule flinch when a thumb-pad brushes the sensitive skin of Neil's stomach, of the increasingly prominent baby bump.
Andrew pulled away within the moment. Intense eyes, narrowed at Neil.
“Is it a no?”
Neil could feel the flush spread on his neck as his eyes darted away.
“It's not a no.”
“Then what is it?”
There was a long moment of silence in which Andrew realized Neil was too much himself to ask for whatever he needed.
“Where can I put my hands?”
Neil's eyes drifted back owlishly. “Arms, head.”
Andrew started with Neil's neck, one hand against the back the other hand up in the hairline. They resume. It's fine, Neil is pliable and open again. Andrew drifts off course, slowly trailing his lips down chin then neck.
Neil's hands thread through blond hair. “Chest.”
Andrew continues his trail down. The hand on the back of Neil's neck slides across shoulder and down an arm, over divets, and scares until hands coming together. Neil's breathing became more ragged.
“Legs.”
It's at this point Andrew slides a leg between Neil's, shifting so he is braced above the other.
“Is this okay?”
“Yeah.” The answer was breathless.
“Is it your stomach?”
“What?” This answer was even more breathless than the last and Andrew continued to work his way across the collar bone.
“That I can't touch.”
“Yes,” Neil breathed out like it was the last of the air his lungs held. Neil often spoke the truth to Andrew but still resisted honesty. Andrew didn't mean to take advantage of this honesty, but he'd been feeling something was off for a while.
“Did you want this?”
“What,” he asked again, less breathless as Andrew had stopped pressing lips to scared skin.
“To have a baby, with me?” Andrew couldn't decide what prompted him to add 'with me', but he needed to know. Was this his fault?
“I don't know, but this is my only chance. I thought I'd try.” There was a hint of anger in his tone.
They were looking at each other now, Neil's eyebrows were knitted together, teeth pulling at the skin of his lips. Andrew wanted to pull those lips between his teeth, but pushed aside the distracting thought.
“Is that the only reason?” It wasn't like him to analyze Neil's emotions like this.
“Do you want a baby with me?” This conversation was happening far too late, and fuck Neil for answering a question with a question.
“I don't want anything.” This was the wrong answer and the twist in Neil's expression was like a punch to the stomach. Also, Neil didn't deserve a lie.
Neil was already pushing him back, bracing himself to get up, grimacing.
“No, stay.”
“Why, Andrew?” Defensive anger threaded through his tone.
“I want what you want.” It was like poison, bitter and true on his tongue.
“I do too.” Neil relaxed, settling back in the beanbag, but expression still hard.
Neither were sure what to say next, instead opting to stay still not sure where to look. As if it were natural, Andrew's eyes fell to Neil's stomach, the baby bump, the already abused skin stretching to make room for an accident.
“Do you not want to be pregnant?” Another question asked far too late.
“No...yes.” Everything in Andrew's stomach curdled.
“I thought I told you I'd support whatever choice you made?”
“Andrew, why are we...” The silence stretched as Neil searched for whatever word he'd say next. “together?”
“You know.”
“I don't, Andrew.” Neil was saying his name too much and it made him grit his teeth.
“Your an asshole, and I hate you, and you are attractive.”
Neil took a breath so deep it stole the breath from Andrew.
“I'm not.” Andrew knew then he'd have to spell it out for the moron.
“You are, and even if you weren't I'd still hate you, you asshole.”
“I look like him, I have scars, I'm pregnant.”
Andrew's knee-jerk reaction would be to say he didn't care, but that wouldn't help. “I would blow you right now and I have scared too even if they aren't as visible as yours. You are, and whatever you want to do, I'm here.”
“Okay.”
It wasn't the reaction that resolved anything, but as long as they had an understanding it'd be fine. Regardless, the mood, if there even had been one, was ruined, so Andrew pulled away, leaving Neil with his thoughts.
Week 21
The first time it happened was during a class. It was such a little feeling Neil couldn't identify it at first. The next time he paid attention and waited, the lecture completely forgotten. It was a flutter, but on the inside of his stomach. Like carbonated bubbles through soda. Neil laid a hand on the spot he thought it came from. He couldn't feel anything, inside or outside.
After a moment's hesitation, he slipped his hand under his shirt and tried again. There was nothing. Experimentally, he pressed the spot. Nothing for a moment but then the fluttering started again. There was no feeling from the outside. Hadn't the doctor mentioned this?
Then, realization struck like lightning. Moving, he could feel the baby moving. And suddenly it was like his heart was in his throat. This was real. It was like the last few months had small realizations, but something about this moment was different. Before, it was a possibility, there was something growing in him that would somehow nebulously impact his future. Now it was a baby he was having with Andrew. It wasn't just that he was pregnant.
Just last week they'd gone for an ultrasound. Even that wasn't quite real, it and the one before, the first one, were like pictures in a textbook. Separate from him and no different from all the other ultrasound pictures that must surely be taken every day. So separate that Andrew had been the one to carry the image back with them, tucked in the pocket of his jeans. Andrew had said he didn't want anything and then corrected himself to wanting whatever Neil wanted.
A boy, the nurse had said. She had asked if they wanted to know and it was Andrew that said yes. Neil had to admit to doubting Andrew, but he didn't doubt that he'd said.
That baby boy was now making himself know to Neil in a way that was just between them. Proof that the rest was real, but this tied him to the reality of it.
Neil had considered the future when he first found out. That there would be a life that he would care about. But that wasn't even new. Had this happened later, it wouldn't have happened. A factor in his choices. But it was only one reason.
More often then not Neil didn't think about his future or being alive. His future was decided, he would play exy until he died, just like his original plan. He had lived through all that shit spring of freshman year, and sure he didn't run anymore, sure he held on to what made him happy, but he and Andrew called there something nothing and he never thought about the details of the future. He looked forward to playing exy and that was it.
Without a doubt, he had something right here. A shared something with Andrew. Andrew had said he would support Neil's choice and he had in action and word, but Neil needed something more.
The flutters started again, like a reminder, and for the first time since he had found out, Neil imagined holding a baby in his arms, with his hair and Andrew's nose. Tiny fingers and toes and forever. He imagined and apartment with an extra room. He imagined a toddler waiting for him after practice. He imagined teaching a kid exy. And he imagined Andrew holding that same baby. So much of the doubt he'd been carrying seemed to fade.
The end of class, removed him from the fantasy, but the rest of the evening, through the parts of practice he joined and dinner, he periodically felt proof of a future.
That evening, after getting ready for bed, but before climbing the ladder to his bunk, Neil turned to Andrew, who was already laying in his bed. Andrew had been watching, like he knew Neil had been wanting to say something. Which, knowing Andrew, he probably did with his ability to read between all Neil's lines.
“Does...Is our 'nothing' forever?” Subconsciously, Neil found he'd placed a had on his stomach.
Amber eyes bored into his naked blue. “You'll never be boring. Come here, Junkie.”
And so Neil joined Andrew in the bottom bunk.
Week 25
Neil had talked Andrew into taking a nap with him. Or, more accurately he crawled into Andrew's bed as soon as he'd gotten back from class. Andrew had found Neil thereafter his classes and decided to blow off afternoon practice.
Naturally, Kevin called, to which Andrew answered with a 'fuck off' and threw the phone across the room in favor of pulling the sheets higher around them.
As soon as he was settled Neil pulled closer.
“Is this okay?” he murmured, burying his face in the crook of Andrew's neck, a hand on his arm.
Andrew hummed.
An indeterminate amount of time later, though before everyone got back, Andrew woke up to Neil leaving. Andrew watched him leave. The once baggy overlarge shirts that Neil preferred no longer concealed his baby bump.
Neil was gone only a few minutes and came back after the flush of a toilet. He slid back into the bed with much less grace than he was formerly capable of and instead of returning to Andrew's arms, he positioned himself sitting against the headboard. Neil closed his eyes but did not relax. Instead, he ran a hand down the curve of his stomach several times.
“Okay?” Andrews asked.
“Yeah,” Neil continued rubbing, occasionally stopping to rest his hand on a particular spot, “just very active.” He slid blue eyes to meet amber, “you want to feel?”
Andrew responded with a flat look and an offering of his hand. Internally though a sense of relief at Neil's slowly changing attitude released him from some less pleasant emotion. Neil just smiled, placing the others hand on the spot his hand had just been on.
There was nothing. Neil frowned.
“C'mon, you were just kicking. Andrew, say something.”
“Hey, kiddo, why you giving your dad a hard time?”
Almost as soon as he spoke the kicking started again, with a vengeance. Andrew's eyes flashed up to Neil's. Then, with care to keep his hand steady Andrew pushed himself up the rest of the way.
“Hey, hey now, keep doing that and you'll be evicted.”
Neil smirked at him. “I think he likes your voice, he always gets excited.”
“Yes or no?”
A true smile blossomed then. “Yes.”
Lips met and hands curled in hair.
It was at this moment the rest of the team got back, as evidenced by Kevin standing in the doorway with an “OMG I caught my parents kissing” sorta look before he turned right back around.
“Can we move somewhere without that asshole as soon as classes are done?” Neil whispered, breaking the kiss for just a moment.
Week 27
Some days were better than others. Today was probably bad. It was hot and Neil had been outside arguing with Kevin.
Neil rubbed a hand across his stomach and was met with the light tapping that meant the baby was awake. He repeated the movement, but continued scowling.
“Let me carry it.” Sweat was making Neil feel unpleasantly sticky.
Kevin scowled in return. “No.”
“Stop being an ass.”
“Your pregnant Neil,” like Neil didn't fucking know. “If you hurt yourself now it'll affect your career in.”
Neil didn't have the patience just then for a Kevin lecture and instead grabbed for the racquet. “It's a stick, my stick, let me have it.”
Matt had arrived in the truck a moment before and was now dragging in boxes when he shouted, “Kevin let him have it. Don't argue with a pregnant person.”
The comment only made Neil grind his teeth. And now he was in a tug of war with the taller asshole.
Andrew came by, not carrying anything the unhelpful bastard, and punched Kevin the shoulder. The momentary distraction allowed Neil to get full control of the stick.
“Fuck you, I didn't need your help.”
Andrew continued, barely acknowledging the comment with a wave. Neil smacked the stick against Kevin's shins as he headed inside after Andrew.
They had found an apartment, a two-bedroom, on campus. A moderate-sized living room/Kitchen combo with three doors, two to bedrooms, and one to a bathroom. Currently, the place was a hub of activity as Foxes went in and out assembling newly bought furniture.
Andrew had sufficiently disappeared already, but Allison caught Neil on his way in anyway.
“Put that down in your room.” She was already directing him that way. “And appreciate my handy work.”
The master bedroom had a kind of bed that took up most of the space, but it was likely for the best seeing as it was the only bed. No need to be close if it was a difficult night. There was a window with a dresser directly bellow, similar to the dorm set up. The theme was black and white, with an expensive art deco looking flair that was Allison's so-called 'handy work'. Neil deposited the stick beside the bed.
“Sit down, sit down. You look overheated.”
For once, Neil obediently followed her direction, settling into the bed. The air conditioning was nice.
The next moment Neil was waking up to a much dimmer sky and much less noise. At some point, the baby had settled enough for some restful sleep, but that was not so now.
No one was around anymore when Neil came out of the room. The door had been kindly shut at some point.
Andrew wasn't anywhere when Neil came out of the bathroom. A bathroom decoration screamed Nicky with the combination of rainbows and a few tasteful items mixed in..
The only other door was the closed bedroom door opposite the master. With steps softened by new carpet, Neil silently approached the door. It wasn't so silent on the other side, there was scuffing and metal clicking against metal. A thump made Neil jolt just as his hand landed on the door handle.
Sticking his head inside revealed Andrew sitting cross-legged on the floor staring unimpressed at the fallen headboard. However, it was the rest of the room that pulled at Neil's attention. It was a nursery. Most relevant furniture already set up, with the notable exception of the crib that Andrew was presently assembling. And everything was orange and white. It made some odd, giddy emotion fill Neil's chest.
The border on the wall was foxed themed and there were even some fox themed items and plushies littering the room. Unopened crib bedsheets carried the theme.
Neil took a step in, taking it all in, hand against his stomach.
“It was Matt and Dan's idea.” Andrew supplied.
With the added weight it was a bit awkward to join Andrew on the floor. “Where did everyone go?”
“I kicked them out. Now hand me the screwdriver.”
Neil found it right by his hand and passed it over.
“Hold this.” It was the fallen over headboard. Their evening proceeded with Andrew and Neil assembling the rest of the nursery while Neil fought off whatever emotion it was that was squeezing his heart.
Week 32
“Andrew.”
Andrew was awake in a moment. Worry subsiding as he took in everything. Neil was still there, in front of him, their shared weight on the bed grounding Andrew. The bedroom seemed normal, no suspicious shadow.
“Sorry, I just...” Neil was looking at him with one of those looks as he started fidgeting. He could feel more than see that Neil was rubbing slow small circles on his stomach.
Andrew hmmed at him, leveling him with a blank look.
“Where are the car keys?”
Andrew kept his look neutral even as a sense of annoyance crept over him. What did the junkie need car keys at, he glanced out the window to gauge the lateness, two in the fucking morning for?
“Why?”
The fidgeting increased. Further annoyance built up. His idiot needed to learn how to ask for things for himself. Idiot seemed to only ask for things others wanted.
“I, uh, need chocolate ice cream...and chips.”
Andrew tried to hold on to his annoyance, but something overly soft and warm was taking its place. A second later he recognized it as amusement, which he promptly redoubled his efforts to banish the feeling. Cravings, Neil was experiencing a craving for junk food. And what was Andrew going to do? Say no to midnight ice cream? Besides that, Neil got into enough trouble in broad daylight.
Outwardly Andrew just sighed and made a hand motion to get Neil moving out of bed. It was a slow process as of late, as Neil tried to accommodate the newly acquired weight as well as trying not to move in a way that would make his back hurt. Andrew waited, only moving to get out of bed once Neil was already fully out.
As they were leaving the apartment, Andrew finally did check the clock, 2:49 in the morning.
They ended up at a 24 hr convenience story, a thankfully common occurrence near Palmetto. The artificial light glaring and ugly at this time of night. Only a bored cashier and one other patron meandered through the store.
Neil had donned an oversized hoodie, but even that now stretched out over his baby bump, only really serving to draw more attention. It bothered Neil, the looks, so different from the ones his scars get. One says, I better not talk to that person, the other look is blind to all his barbs. He had never liked attention, trained to actively deflect it. Andrew could see the now-familiar tension enter Neil's shoulders, but it faded as they continued through the store and saw no other people.
The tension did reappear as soon as they approached the cashier, who gave Neil a less than casual look. Andrew gave them a warning glare.
“When are you due?” The girl asked, like a dumbass.
“None of your business,” Neil muttered.
For once it was a good thing Andrew was the one to carry knives. Neil's words did seem to get the warning across though, because the cashier hurried through the rest of the process.
They returned to the car without further incident, Andrew sliding into the driver's seat and Neil into the passengers with the sack of ice cream. He still wore an unhappy look, but in the dark parking lot with the just street lights, he still looked infuriatingly pretty.
“Yes or no?”
Neil turned, the tension between his eyebrows starting to fade. “Yes.”
They kissed for a long moment and Andrew could sense the moment Neil started smiling into the kiss. Andrew pulled away just enough to break the kiss but still close enough to lean their foreheads together. “What junkie.”
Neil was smiling, one of the goofy ones usually reserved for the Foxes.
“I'm being kicked in the bladder.”
If Andrew had been the type he'd have rolled his eyes. That would not be something he would smile about, not that he smile ever. Andrew pulled away and started the Maserati.
They drove in silence for a moment. “What about a name?”
Andrew glanced over at Neil, who was rubbing a hand along his lower stomach.
“What about a name?”
Neil shot him a half-hearted glare.
“What do you want to name him?” Andrew asked.
“I don't know.” Neil was looking out the side window now.
The silence stretched again.
“Ryan?”
For a moment Andrew heard yelling and remembered sitting on dirty clothes in the back of a closet. He shook his head. “That was one of their names. Micheal?”
It was Neil's turn to stiffen before shaking his head. “That was one of my names. Tyler?”
Andrew scoffed. “No exy names.”
Andrew caught the smirk the spread across Neil's lips before fading.
The back and forth continued even after arriving back at the apartment, through eating Ice Creme, and once they were back in bed. In fact, Andrew distinctly remembers falling asleep not having come to a resolution.
Week 36
Before it had been Neil that always woke up first, usually at some ungodly hour. During recent months it had been Andrew. Even when he was awake, Neil projected a persistent sense of exhaustion and made his face look weary and his body slump. But asleep, across the bed from Andrew, he was stunning. Face relaxed and body lose. And if Andrew took advantage of the difference in time waking up, it was nobody's business.
He absorbed the sight like a man escaping a desert might drink water. Tousled red hair that Andrew would need to cut again soon, freckles and a few moles dotted skin.
Andrew only got up because the craving hit. He smoked less now, not willing to risk doing so with Neil around, but it still made his fingers itch, the desire.
After carefully disentangling himself from the other man Andrew retreated to his car. He sat on the hood of his car to smoke, just two cigarettes, the only two in the last week, before returning to their apartment. In order to not wake Neil any sooner than necessary, he sat out on the couch flipping through channels.
It was only a short time later he heard movement from the bedroom as Neil groggily made his way to the kitchen.
“'drew? You want something?”
Andrew merely grunted as subdued clinking came from behind him. The whump of their fridge opening and the sound of mild being poured into bowls filtered in.
Finally, Neil came around, carrying two cereal bowls, waddling. This far along meant that Neil really only had three shirts that fit him, his feet hurt constantly, and he felt comically round. None-the-less, all it took was a look and question from Andrew for him to put both bowls down on the table and straddle the other's lap.
It was an awkward position, but Neil buried his face on Andrew's neck and breathed.
“You were smoking.”
Andrew hummed, rubbing a hand along the others back.
“Is this okay?” Neil asked as he sank into Andrews lap, no longer holding his weight.
“Kiss me.” Was Andrew's only response.
Week 38
The room was dark when Neil woke up. Silent too, no birds chirped outside the window so it must still be early. Andrew was still there, eyes closed, breathing even, face so close that even in the dark Neil could count blond eyelashes. Neil could feel an arm under his pillow, another on his side. His arms similarly placed near Andrew. Safe, warm, but uncomfortable. Pressure on his bladder slowly increasing.
Fucking great, he needed to pee again. He shifted, trying to alleviate the feeling, buying time before he inevitably needed to get up. It didn't help.
“Just get up,” grumbled a soft voice. Arms were removed from around Neil as Andrew moved away, giving Neil room to get up.
Blue eyes met amber.
“Don't wanna.”
Andrew gave him a flat look, before sitting up. A hand was proffered to Neil, who took it, accepting the bit of help getting up. Chapped lips found his own before Neil finally pushed himself out of the bed.
Standing made the pressure worse, prompting Neil to shuffle quickly out of the room. He pressed one hand to his back, trying to minimize the radiating pain from there, the other hand against the wall as he made his way through the dark hall.
Peeing did help, but he was awake, awake now and the discomfort was still present. Therefore he did not return to the bedroom, opting to sit on the couch instead.
He sank into the soft cloth, pillow supporting his back. Both hands went to rest on his very pregnant stomach. Tilting his head to rest against the back of the couch, Neil finally closed his eyes, hoping to get just a bit of sleep.
It couldn't have been very much longer before he was awake again. Until he needed to pee again.
After another trip to and from the restroom, Neil found Andrew also on the couch, obviously waiting for him.
He sat down beside him, returning to his vaguely comfortable position. A warm hand slipped into his own.
“You didn't come back.” It was a statement more than a question, but Neil answered anyway.
“Can't get comfortable. Sides and back hurt, feels like my insides are being squashed.”
Andrew hummed in response and slid to lean shoulder to shoulder.
The silence stretched out peacefully as time side by. Except, the feeling of pressure and discomfort increase steadily, it was beginning to feel like muscle cramps. He unconsciously started rubbing small circles into his stomach with his free hand.
Reality snapped into place.
“Andrew, I think it's time.” Shock might have made his words wound a little panicked.
“What?” Andrew stared at him, like the phrase “it's time” coming from a pregnant person who did not have an obvious and immediate meaning.
“I think I'm having contractions,” Neil clarified, as what was now very clearly a contraction hit.
Andrew was up in a moment, turning on lights. “How far apart are they?”
“I don't know.”
“Do you have your phone?”
“I don't sleep with it.”
Andrew scoffed, before pressing his phone into Neil's hand. “Time them.” Then he left the room in search of the hospital bag, the car keys, and Neil's cell phone. Meanwhile, Neil found the phone timer and waited.
Once Andrew returned he asked, “Have you felt another contraction?”
Neil shook his head 'no'. He hadn't realized Andrew was tense until his shoulders relaxed. He set what he had collected down on the coffee table and sat next to Neil again. Their hands joined again.
“We were told to go when the contractions are 5 minutes apart, a minute long, and have been for an hour,” Andrew supplied.
“I guess we wait then?”
“I guess so.”
And so they waited.
That was the last truly peaceful moment they had for the next thirty-six hours, not that Neil minded. That was A)not the worst he had suffered through, and B)he'd never been so rewarded for his efforts. It was early afternoon the next day when the nurse finally handed him his son.
An equally impatient Andrew had stood at the head of the bed glaring at all the doctors and nurses that had the misfortune of catching his eyes. In particular, the poor nurse that had to weigh and measure the baby seemed genuinely nervous by the time she laid the baby in Neil's arms.
There were wisps of red hair and tiny fingers and toes to count. Perfect, unblemished skin rested against Neil's own lined and fucked up arms. He was smiling, he could feel it on his face as a distant thought, the rest of him absorbed in the weight in his arms.
For so long family had only meant Mary, then it grew to mean the foxes, and now it had expanded again. Neil was delighted once again when his son opened his eyes and leveled the blandest look imaginable for a baby to directly at him. The look was so violently reminiscent of Andrew, Neil almost laughed. Not even the baby blues bothered him, though deep down he hoped they might turn hazel.
“Andrew.” Neil tore his eyes away long enough to confirm Andrew was still right there. “Here.”
He only felt a slight twinge of regret has he handed their son over to Andrew.
Andrew held him like he might break as he slowly sank into the chair behind him. For his part, the baby seemed merely disgruntled by the change of hands. Despite his willingness to share their son, Neil still felt the need to keep a hand closer. Minuscule fingers wrapped around his pointer finger.
Careful not to jostle the baby, Andrew leaned in to kiss Neil and it tasted awful, like two days without brushing teeth.
“How much?”
“1000% you ass.”