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“The floor again, huh…” Khun surveyed the tiny room him and Bam were about to be crammed into for the night, hand on his hip.
“It’s kind of nostalgic, isn’t it, Khun?” Bam turned to him with a smile. “We had many nights like this in the past.”
“You know, Bam…” Khun glanced sideways at Bam, pouting. He let out an exasperated sigh, crossing his arms over his chest. “After what you went through today, don’t you think you deserve better? You need to actually rest.”
Bam’s eyes glinted playfully. “Well, unlike you, I can sleep just fine on the floor.”
“Hey.”
“Anyway,” he continued, ignoring Khun’s protests, “Rak has a different room this time, so there should be less disturbances, right?”
“…” Khun scowled, thinking to himself. “I did bring extra blankets in my lighthouse.”
“See? It won’t be so bad.”
A grin snuck its way onto Khun’s face—Bam’s happiness was always contagious. He simply shrugged. “I suppose desperate times call for desperate measures.”
So long as Bam was confident he would get enough rest, Khun didn’t have a reason to worry.
The pair cooperatively transformed the floor into a makeshift nest of blankets in a matter of minutes, with Khun pulling them one by one out of his lighthouse and tossing them over to Bam, who laid them atop each other. Spare clothes, water, and toiletries were also brought out—Khun had prepared for this scenario sufficiently.
“I wonder if I could heat up your water with my fire?” Khun mused with a smirk, watching while Bam picked out a shampoo he liked.
“A hot shower sounds really good right now…” Bam sighed, plucking Khun’s usual shampoo from their limited options. It smelled nice… tea tree was always a calming, therapeutic scent.
“Right? Want to try it, Bam?—Hey, that’s mine.”
“Shouldn’t you conserve that ability? I don’t want you to get a fever again.” Bam stared at the shirt folded beside Khun, raising a brow at his complaint. “But that’s my shirt, Khun…”
“I only packed essentials.” Khun argued, motioning to all the items they’d unpacked over the past thirty minutes. “It’s not my fault when I’m a light bearer doubling as our team’s pack mule, Bam…”
“Then pack more of your own shirts, not mine.” Bam teased. He summoned a small pool of water with his shinsu—Khun observing in wait from the other side of the room, eyeing Bam deviously—and as a display of the countless times he had to do this in the past, Bam effortlessly wet his hair, not spilling a single drop on his clothes.
Just as the water contacted his head, however, Khun snapped his fingers, warming it from afar.
“Khun—!” Bam protested, scowling at Khun through the wet bangs that fell in his eyes.
“Hmmm? What’s wrong, Bam?” Khun hummed innocently, pretending to sort through their next day’s vitamins. “Did something happen?”
“Why do you worry about me overexerting myself when you do things like that?” The remaining water dissipated, and Bam uncapped the shampoo, lathering it in his hair. The combination of heat and aromatherapy from the shampoo admittedly eased his stress away, making him drowsy. “You should take whatever rest you can get, too…”
“Something like this isn’t a big deal, Bam.” Khun smiled at him, readying his firefish again. “Anyway, didn’t it feel good? I’ll do it again when you rinse your hair.”
“There’s really no stopping you, is there?” Bam wouldn’t deny the allegations. The warmth did feel nice and relieved the tension in his shoulders—Khun always seemed to know the right things to do to make him happy.
But really, he should rest too.
“Are you just discovering this now?” Right on time, Khun waved his hand when Bam ran the next pool of water through his hair, and a content sigh escaped Bam’s lips.
“No. I guess not.” They shared a laugh together, the two of them able to forget about the outside world for a minute.
The echoes of the souls he used earlier in the day seemed so distant now. Having this secluded time of self-care with his best friend was sheer catharsis.
After another couple of rinses, Khun threw him a towel to dry his hair with, and soon enough, they tucked themselves into their “bed.” The next day would be long and arduous, and the next point at when they would be able to rest wasn’t yet determined, so they agreed sleeping as soon as possible would be best.
“Help us. Please…”
Ethereal hands reached towards him, ghost-like in appearance, and glowing white.
“We died fighting them…” “We died fighting for you.”
I’m sorry, Bam wanted to say. But he couldn’t speak or move. I’m so sorry.
“You used us…”
I had to. You didn’t deserve it, but I had no other choice.
“Help, save us!”
I can’t.
“You’re no different from that monster, are you?!” “You’re just like White!”
…
Bam was speechless. His initial reaction was to reject the accusations, but were they wrong?
Wasn’t he doing the same thing White did? Using the souls of people who died for his own sake? People who were only involved in the first place because he had rallied them here?
“That’s right, slayer candidate.” A familiar deep voice rumbled from behind. Bam couldn’t turn around to face the source, but he already knew its owner. The blue demon called to him, a claw-like hand tightly gripping his shoulder. “I told you. You’re nothing but a selfish glutton who absorbs the powers of others.”
“Bam—” A distant voice spoke his name, warm and familiar.
The demon’s nails dug into Bam’s skin, piercing through his shirt. “You can’t save anyone. For each of your friends you ‘save’ you kill a hundred people in their place.”
No… I don’t want this… I don’t want to be this kind of person…!
“Bam!”
Khun awoke to the sensation of someone shifting beside him, faint whimpers reaching his ears.
For a moment there was only the hazy nothingness that came when he opened his eyes after sleeping, having no recollection of his surroundings or what had happened in his life up until that point.
Khun’s first coherent thought was nothing but a simple name.
Bam.
It quickly clicked in Khun’s mind that Bam was beside him, having a nightmare.
“I’m sorry…” Bam whined in his sleep, tossing to his side so that he faced Khun and curling in on himself. The way Bam’s expression contorted painfully sent a pang through Khun’s heart that not even his firefish could heal, and it immediately moved him into action.
“Bam—” Khun reached for Bam’s hand, holding and squeezing it gently. His eyes burned from his tiredness, but his mind was filled with nothing but concern.
He thought something like this might happen. The souls that Bam had used were coming to haunt his dreams, turning them to nightmares—weren’t they?
He couldn’t let Bam go through this alone.
Holding his hand wasn’t enough to wake him, however. Without a second thought, Khun scooted inwards, tugging Bam flush to his chest.
“Bam…!” Arms circled around Bam’s frame, one sliding underneath him in support, and Khun tucked Bam’s head under his chin, running his fingers through brown locks.
Bam’s writhing ceased as he woke, panting into Khun’s shirt.
“Khun…?”
“Bam—I’m here,” Khun murmured, stroking his hair. “I’m here.”
As shaky arms wound around Khun, returning the embrace, Khun adjusted their position. His hand trailed down from Bam’s hair to his back, rubbing soothing circles, while his other hand took its place at the nape of Bam’s neck, fingers threading into soft roots.
“I don’t want to be like White,” Bam whispered weakly, clutching at the fabric of the back of Khun’s shirt. “Khun—”
“You’ll never be like White.” Khun’s nose buried into Bam’s hair, and the refreshing scent of tea tree mixed with the softness of his locks could have sent him right back to sleep if he weren’t already distracted. “You’re Bam… you follow what you think is right… and you try to protect your friends. You’re not a FUG slayer like White, who kills indiscriminately and without remorse... You never will be.”
“I hope so…” Bam nuzzled tiredly into the crook of Khun’s neck, and Khun’s grip around him tightened in response.
“I know so.”
“… Okay.” Khun wore a faint smile at the notion that Bam’s trust for him outweighed his fears and insecurities, and his eyes slipped shut. Relief washed his anxiety away, leaving nothing but tiredness that felt like a weight on his eyelids, dragging them down.
“Talk more tomorrow, Bam…” he mumbled somewhat coherently. Sleep was pulling Khun back into its clutches, but he wanted to reassure him. “Need to rest…”
“Mmm,” was all he was given in return.
Bam was the first to wake.
The ground was hard, even with the blankets piled beneath them, but Khun was warm and soft. His embrace protectively enveloped Bam throughout the night, like a ward against bad dreams.
As Bam tilted his head back to catch Khun’s sleeping face, both peaceful and spellbinding, he slowly realized their proximity, and what had happened to put them in this position.
Bam remembered his nightmare, but felt no anxiety in the moment with Khun by his side. He recalled the way Khun had instantly taken him into his arms, just like he had earlier that day on the battlefield, comforting him with affection and words of encouragement.
Except, this time, they fell asleep together.
Bam didn’t question it. Lying with Khun like this… it happened organically, and felt right. Though they were never this intimate in the past, to the point of cuddling in their sleep, Bam wondered how they ever slept any differently up until now.
Part of him felt like their relationship was always destined to be like this.
Khun had always given him the support he needed, even when he didn’t ask for it. Not only last night, but from the very first day they met. He was an endless, unconditional pillar in Bam’s life—one of the only constants he could count on to be there no matter what.
And he was beautiful. Having the ability to look at Khun this closely was a blessing.
A gentle morning light cascaded from the window, illuminating part of Khun’s face. It kissed at his skin, gifting a delicate glow to his cheeks and nose, and shone through long lashes, highlighting their icy hue. Bam’s gaze fell on soft, blue strands, and how wavy they were in the morning before he could straighten his hair. He took in the way Khun’s lips were slightly parted, quiet breaths escaping them as he slept.
Khun—always so independent, rarely asking for anyone’s help, and never letting anyone through the walls he built up to protect himself—appeared at his most vulnerable in this state. And Bam was here to capture it all.
“Khun…” The name escaped his lips in a soft murmur, unable to help himself. The appreciation he felt towards Khun overwhelmed him. Carefully, he snaked a hand up to cup the back of Khun’s head.
“Hm…?” Khun’s lids fluttered open, deep blue irises gazing down at Bam. “Bam…”
Bam smiled at the huskiness of his voice, and the love with which he spoke his name. “Good morning, Khun.”
“Are you okay, Bam…?” Khun mumbled worriedly, giving his back a slow, gentle rub.
“Thanks to you.”
“Mm.” He raised a hand to rub at his eyes, smiling through his sleepiness. “I’m glad. That’s good.”
As Khun made to get up, Bam frowned, realizing his window of opportunity to take the initiative was slim.
Though Khun undoubtedly saw his actions as normal and platonic, Bam knew it was ambiguous.
He was aware Khun hadn’t held him last night because of romantic feelings—his concern for Bam had taken precedent, as always, spurring him to act in the moment and console him. But it was the ways in which he acted that revealed his emotions—and though they had always been this way with each other without fully recognizing it—Bam wanted to confirm his epiphany.
Their feelings were mutual this entire time. Bam had simply been blindsided by the tower’s distractions.
He smoothed a hand over the apple of Khun’s cheek, silently asking him to stay still. Khun paused to watch him, curiosity reflected in his gaze.
And then Bam kissed him.
Soft, brief, chaste. Only long enough to convey a message.
As Bam pulled away, their lips parting, he expected to find a surprised look on Khun’s face. However, what he was instead met with was the most affectionate smile anyone had ever given him—the way Khun’s eyes crinkled with pure adoration turning butterflies in his stomach.
A thumb ran across Bam’s lower lip.
“Do you know how long I’ve waited?” Khun asked simply.
“You don’t have to wait anymore.” Was Bam’s reply, matching Khun’s smile with his own.
They held that position for an undetermined amount of time—limbs tangled together, eyes locked, small tokens of affection shared like the brush of a thumb against a warm cheek, or a gentle pet to the head—an unspoken conversation passing between them.
Khun broke the intimacy with a frown.
“Bam, we have to get up.”
“Huh?” Bam blinked, Khun’s frown contagious. “Already? Khun…”
“Actually—what time is it? Crap, I thought I set an alarm—” Khun moved to disentangle them, reaching for his pocket and muttering something about how the high rankers they were working with would kill him, or how Evankhell would set him on fire for being late—
Bam’s frown turned into a pout, and finally to an understanding smile as he sighed, realizing “the tower’s distractions” didn’t only affect him. No wonder why it took over a decade for this to happen.