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Standing in this makeshift graveyard gets harder each time. Glenn's here. Abraham. Sasha too. Our family, my family. I've failed them all.
I knew it was her before she spoke. I know her footsteps by heart. The way the air feels warmer when she enters a room. She calm that washes over me with just one look from her. She's lost everythig. She's lost herself to the tidal wave of pain she's in. I've failed her repeatedly. Sophia should be here. She shouldn't be buried at that farm. Can't even visit her grave now. I should have been with her when the prison fell. She never should have been put in that position. Lizzie and Mika weren't hers. That didn't matter. She loved them just the same.
Henry, she asked me to watch over him. I tried. I tried my hardest. This world burns has away to burn away the things you hold most dear.
"Please don't hate me!" Carol chokes out. Her words wash over me like a river of freezing water. After everything we've been through together. How could I ever hate her. Yes,She's reckless, self destructive, someone I don't even recognize half the time, but she's still my whole universe. I should have kept her close to me in the cave. None of this would have happened. Connie and Magna would have made it out. I knew she was hellbent on destroying Alpha and her herd. How did I miss her slipping away from the group? From me? Am I angry at her? Hell yes! She put us all in danger. She could have killed us all. I want to yell, scream, Ask her how she could have been so stupid to risk our lives.
Turning towards this beautifully broken woman shatters my heart. The words turn to ash in my mouth. Everything slips away seeing the tears pooling in her eyes. Silently pleading with me to stay. To not walk away from her. It takes everything I have to not wrap her in my arms, tell her everything she needs to hear to be okay even for a few minutes. That won't fix anything though. It wont fix her. How much I want to fix everything for her. How much I want my best friend back. Who am I kidding? She's more than my best friend. I found my soulmate. She's the reason I'm still here. She is the breath in my lungs. She's the one blessing this damn apocalypse had.
I want to tell her everything.How it started in Atlanta, she drove that pickax through that piece of shit of a husband. I had never seen something so beautiful. It was like a bird finally being set free. Taking those first flutters into her new life. It grew from there. Along the way, the CDC, Hershel's farm, the prison, Alexandra, Kingdom and Hilltop. I've never loved her more than I do right in this moment
I know she isn't ready to hear those three words I want to say. She can't accept them. Not yet. She can't love herself let alone make room for me too. I pour every once of unspoken love I have for her into the six words she can hear.
"I'm never going to hate you."