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Janus sits up at the kitchen table, wringing their hands and waiting anxiously for Patton to get home. They’ve been debating telling Patton for weeks now before finally deciding to bite the bullet and get it over with. Regardless of how things go, which Janus really can’t imagine will be too bad realistically, at least they’ll have gotten it off their chest. But now Patton’s running a bit late and their heart is pounding in their chest as the nerves come creeping in.
It wouldn’t make sense for Patton to react poorly, really. He’s pansexual, after all, and he’s dated boys, girls and everything in between in the past. And Patton’s been such a positive influence in Janus’s life since they’ve known him, always so caring and gentle. If anything, there’s nothing to worry about. Patton’s a good man, he’ll understand that Janus has been keeping this from him, he’ll get it…right?
Janus hasn’t been keeping a secret per se, at least not for very long, anyhow. The subject of their gender is something that’s always been a bit of a confusing subject, but for much of their life Janus they had merely assumed that they didn’t enjoy much of what was considered traditionally masculine. But things haven’t been sitting right with them lately, especially words like “boyfriend” and certainly not “he.” Patton’s such a sweetheart that he often speaks about Janus with fondness to anyone who’ll listen, but hearing Patton go on and on about his “amazing boyfriend,” is something that’s put a pit in their stomach.
They just want things to go well. The idea, though probably foolish, of Patton leaving is one the worst things Janus can consider. They’re trying not to dwell on unrealistic worst-case scenarios, reminding themself very much of their friend Virgil, but it can’t really be helped.
Janus stiffens when the front door swings open and Patton steps into the apartment, looking a little frazzled but smiling when he sees them nonetheless.
“Hi honey, sorry I’m late,” Patton says as Janus rises to greet him, accepting the hug and quick kiss Patton offers, “traffic was a nightmare. How was your day?”
“Fine,” Janus lies as they pull away, not missing the look of concern that flashes in Patton’s eyes. They try to swallow down their nerves, not wanting to rush into everything right after Patton’s gotten home, “Do you want any help with dinner?”
The offer for assistance seems to distract Patton from any suspicions, putting a bright smile on his face.
“Aw, aren’t you sweet for offering? That sounds exscalent!” Janus chuckles lightly at that, knowing it’s a pun based on the two-headed snake tattoo that’s on their left arm. Patton’s been making puns about it since they met, and Janus can’t imagine it stopping anytime soon. They act like they don’t like Patton’s puns, but Patton knows better. Really, Janus has always found it pretty darn adorable.
The couple prepare dinner together, chatting idly about their days. Patton mentions the dog he saw someone walking on his lunchbreak, claiming it to be, “The fluffiest, cutest puppy I’ve ever seen!” Patton’s been hinting at wanting a dog for some time now, Janus is only waiting for him to ask directly. The idea of having a pet together is so disgustingly domestic that is almost completely distracts Janus from what they’d set out to do. Almost.
A silence falls over the couple as they eat dinner before Janus feels Patton squeezing their hand from under the table, a soft, slightly worried expression on his face.
“Is everything okay, hon? You’ve been really quiet tonight.” God bless Patton’s kindness, Janus really wasn’t sure how they were going to breach the subject.
“Uh, yeah. I’m fine it’s just,” Janus takes a deep breath, still holding Patton’s hand, “Can I talk to you about something?”
“Of course, Jan. What’s on your mind?” Janus bites their lip, mind once again swelling with panic. What if’s and worst-case scenarios swirl and Janus fears they might get caught up in it before Patton offers their hand another gentle squeeze. “Hey,” his voice is soft and reassuring, “whatever it is, I’m here. It’s gonna be okay.”
Janus nods, inhaling and exhaling sharply before speaking.
“Okay. I’ve been thinking a lot lately and I’ve come to the realization that I’m…not a man.” Janus sees a look flash in Patton’s eyes, not one of malice or disgust, but rather mere surprise.
“I see.”
“I’m not a woman though, either,” they clarify quickly, “I think I’m – no, I know I’m nonbinary. I realize gendered-pronouns just don’t really sit right with me. So, uh, yeah.”
Janus’s brings their gaze up from the table to Patton, scanning his face and feeling a wave of relish wash over them as their boyfriend’s lips curled into a proud smile.
“I’m so proud of you for telling me, Jan,” he says, standing up and wrapping Janus in a somewhat awkward hug, “That can’t have been easy.”
“So, you don’t care?” Janus doesn’t mean to sound as awestruck as they do.
“Of course not, honey. Maybe I’m a little surprised, but I love you no matter what. You’re my wonderful –,” Patton pauses hesitantly for a moment, “partner? Is that okay?” Janus breaks out in a bright grin, wrapping their arms around their boyfriend.
“Partner’s perfect, Pat. I love you too. So much.” Janus stands up from their chair, accepting a more comfortable embrace from Patton who’s smiling so bright and pressing kiss after kiss to their face.
Janus feels all of their anxieties draining away, realizing there had never been any reason to doubt him. Patton’s always been amazing, through and through, and this is no exception. How did they ever get this lucky?
The rest of the evening passes regularly with the pair watching a few episodes of She-Ra they’ve already seen before. Janus smiles as Patton points at the character Double-Trouble, saying excitedly: “They’re nonbinary just like you!” Janus is almost positive he chose episodes with the character on purpose, but the small gesture is appreciated. Patton's already being so supportive, and Janus is so incredibly thankful.
Janus sends their friend Remus a quick text explaining that things went well, receiving back an enthusiastic “FUCK YEAH!” that makes them chuckle lightly before they slide into bed with Patton. Janus melts into their boyfriend’s embrace as always, drifting to sleep relieved and so, so happy.
And when Janus finds Patton practicing their pronouns under his breath in the morning? Well Janus is fairly certain their heart is going to burst with love.
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