Archive of Our Own ^beta

The first time it happened, Katsuki wasn’t sure what the soft chiming sounds meant. All he could focus on was the pain in his arms, the sense of dread filling his body that maybe he wasn’t good enough, and that he could no longer hold back the tears that had been threatening to fall since he shoved that nerd Deku away in frustration after listening to another stupid tangent about his desire to be a hero.

His eyes had hurt just like his arms. Even after rubbing the tears away and dealing with his mom being mad at him for pushing himself too far again, they stung and his vision seemed off. Katsuki never mentioned it to her however - not about the tinkle of bells he heard, not the weird glint of what looked like glitter in the wetness he wiped away, and definitely not about how it seemed to hurt just as much as his arms from the force of his explosions.

He was 12, he didn’t need to worry about silly things like strained eyes and sparkling tears. Katsuki would become a hero, and if his crying was going to hurt him, he just wouldn’t cry again!

That didn’t stop him from crying as he tried to fall asleep. Doubts about becoming the best hero, one who would never lose, plagued his mind. They were almost always coupled with images of a freckled smiling face watching him, challenging him, those green eyes seeing more than anyone and leaving Katsuki feeling exposed. His heart raced, his eyes burned, and soon the soft, rhythmical and soothing chimes would reach his ears as bright, sparkling tears rolled down his cheeks and stained his pillow.

There was no hiding the strange tears from his parents - before long, they had caught on to Katsuki’s crying and the stars that fell from his eyes. Worried, they’d taken him to see a specialist and had his eyes checked for the disease.

“Yep, it’s star tears,” the doctor proclaimed, confusing a 13 year old Katsuki. “Seems your son is in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same.”

This only confused Katsuki more - love? He felt love for someone? His parents were just as baffled, and Katsuki wracked his brain for who or what was causing this.

“But I only hear the twinkling when I think of stupid Deku,” Katsuki had huffed, crossing his arms and glaring at the doctor. “I don’t love him, he annoys me!”

His dad had placed a hand on Katsuki’s shoulder. “Katsuki… are you certain he annoys--”

“YES!” Katsuki shouted, pushing his dad’s hand away and letting off an explosion. “Deku is annoying and weak and I could never love him!”

The doctor sighed. “Well, either way, your feelings are unrequited. The only cure is to have the person of your affections fall in love with you, otherwise your vision will worsen.”

“Worsen how?” His mom had asked, a strange concern in her tone.

“Color blindness is usually the case, though I’ve heard rumors of complete blindness happening. The other side effect of untreated star tears is memory loss, though it’s not as common as the color blindness.”

“What if I just don’t cry?” The doctor had looked shocked at the suggestion.

“I suppose, i-if you could keep yourself from crying it wouldn’t be a problem, but…”

“Son, you shouldn’t stop yourself from crying,” his dad had said, touching his shoulder again and looking at Katsuki with far too much concern and sympathy.

Katsuki didn’t need sympathy - not then, and definitely not now.

Scoffing, Katsuki had stormed from the doctor’s office and walked a few blocks away. It was stupid to tell him he was in love with someone, much less Deku. His parents never brought it up again, though they would pester him about the eye drops he was later prescribed in case the star tears affected him again.

And they didn’t.

Katsuki made sure of it. Refused to let them ever fall from his eyes again.

Through pain, through frustration, through any anguish he felt, Katsuki refused to allow himself to cry.

Somehow, through it all, he found pride in himself for being able to hold back, to not show this weakness and the disease - especially when watching Deku, the supposed cause of his disease, cry so easily and frequently. The nerd would never be able to live with the disease; he’d be blind within a couple days, tops.

The thought of Deku’s tears never carrying a soft tune, never glinted with bright, sparkling colors… Katsuki didn’t let himself dwell on it though, didn’t let himself think about love and Deku, lest he see the pooling of sparkles in his vision, the beginning of a twinkling chime in his ears.

He managed to keep himself from ever shedding another tear, keep himself away from Deku and the way he made him feel, keep himself focused on the future of a pro hero for an entire year.

And then the sludge villain attacked.

And Deku - shitty nerdy loser Deku - had appeared.

No one had noticed. No one had time to consider what they were seeing. It was just the fire, right? There was too much noise, too many people, not enough time to really see it, to really hear it.

His vision was blurred in the aftermath, sitting and barely hearing the praise from the heroes who’d been trying and failing to help. Katsuki rubbed at his itchy eyes and glared over at Deku being reprimanded. He had wanted to throw up.

His anger boiled over, and his need to be the best had kept him from assessing things properly. Katsuki never thought of Deku beyond the insecurities he placed within Katsuki’s mind - the reminder of weakness, of being nothing, of being… well, human. A regular, simple human. Less than the greats they both admired.

In the moment, he didn’t consider Deku as more than an annoyance, a pesky reminder of what Katsuki lacked and what possible limitations he had in this life. Looking back, months later, there was so much more under the surface level of frustration and anger. So much more aching inside of him, pooling out in his tears as he cried - and damned if he didn’t try to stop them from flowing - and yelled at Deku for daring to try to save him.

He couldn’t stop the flow once it started, and as he walked away and allowed the stars to pour from his eyes, their song of sadness hanging around him, he could already begin to tell what lasting effects it would have.

Katsuki had cried away the color green that day.

The loss of the color was draining on Katsuki - he never knew just how many things were green until they appeared to him as an ugly yellow. The worst of it was looking at who he was slowly becoming more and more aware really was the cause of his disease.

Katsuki had, through all of his fragile pride and issues with self esteem, never once considered Midoriya Izuku as more than the Deku he called him. Useless. A nuisance. Annoying and in Katsuki’s face about how much better he was - a better person, a better friend, a better hero.

He changed that last year of junior high. Deku went from nervously mumbling about heroes and strategies to confidently (Deku and confidence were two words he’d never think would be together) mumbling about a work out routine.

No one else said anything, no one even bothered to try to listen to the murmured mess of words coming out of the nerd. But Katsuki did. Katsuki knew Deku was up to something, figuring out in his own weird hero-nerd way how he could take on the entrance exam as the quirkless optimist he was.

Katsuki had hated the twisted feeling in his gut when he thought of Deku taking on UA’s entrance exams. He chalked it up to disgust, but in the back of his mind he knew what it really was, he acknowledged it, he couldn’t hide it from himself anymore.

A small twinge of fear that Deku wouldn’t manage to even survive, let alone pass.

But those were the days he was still firmly standing in his denial. Before, he was bathing in it, sitting in the center and would happily say Deku annoyed him. But as winter came and went that final year of middle school - as Deku grew further and further away from him - Katsuki’s denial became harder to sit in. It suffocated him, forced tears that shined too bright into his eyes.

The eye drops had to be restocked several times in those last few months, lest he lose sight of another color. Katsuki couldn’t live in a world of gray tones, of dull boring sights. He couldn’t handle the idea of looking at Deku and longing for more of his bright palette to return.

The entrance exam came, and Katsuki felt a surge of his pride again when he managed to speak to Deku, to sit beside him, to be near the other boy and not feel the bright stinging in his eyes as stars tried to pour out of them. Even if it was filled with snapping remarks and cruel words, Katsuki made it through the first half and flew through the second without a passing thought to how well Deku did.

He had waited after the exam. He didn’t want to admit why he did, or what he was even trying to look for. But he knew he was looking for that dull yellow color, the once beautiful green he could no longer see after crying the color away in a flood of stars…

Katsuki never saw what he was looking for. It didn’t sit well with him, and in the days following he did everything he could to avoid looking back in class to where the gross yellow palette sat - couldn’t look and receive an answer to the only thing he wanted to know.

Katsuki ignored the settling of his stomach when he learned Deku did make it out, that the nerd was still around. He just… he couldn’t look back. Not if it meant the stars would return to his eyes and he’d lose another color.

The concern and care he was slowly recognizing he had for Deku was outweighed by the years of negative emotions he stirred in Katsuki, however. He may acknowledge that Deku was the cause of his disease, but Katsuki was still insecure - still weak and helpless and while he was the best of his class - his school - hell, the whole neighborhood and then some - Deku was a reminder of everything he lacked.

Deku getting into UA had further pushed Katsuki to that edge, the anger and betrayal he felt towards the nerd quickly flooded his sea of denial and he lashed out without a second thought.

The look in Deku’s eyes as he stood up to Katsuki had shocked him. Katsuki fumbled, felt his eyes burn with stars and tears, and left without another word. It shook him to his core to have the person of his affections look at him so coldly - to have Midoriya Izuku stand up to him, though he was shaking and near tears himself… Katsuki had no idea what to do in that moment, releasing Deku’s collar and leaving him there, holding back the tears and stars and using the last of his newest bottle of eye drops.

Reds were becoming less vibrant now, and Katsuki shuddered to think of what a world without green and red would look like.

Going to UA was always a dream of his, but Katsuki had scowled in the mirror that first day. The pants were more blue than he recalled - damned loss of green - and the tie was this off-red dull color that he couldn’t stand. It was bad enough that looking into his own eyes made him feel sick, he knew he couldn’t handle this stupid tie - he yanked it off after his dad had fixed it and stuffed it into his bag on his way to school, never to be worn again.

His anger and disdain for Deku grew that first day, seeing his quirk and wondering just how long he had it for. Did Deku really lie to him this whole time? How could he possibly have fallen for a useless nerd who wasn’t so useless anymore? Deku was better - Deku was more than Katsuki. He shook with resentment, leaving the school and hurrying home to avoid having to see that liar - that traitor - that piece of shit he’s apparently been in love with for years now!!

Katsuki couldn’t stop the stars that night, their song of sorrow playing in his ears and filling his room with the chimes. He cried away the last of the red, especially when it hit him once more what the star tears meant.

Not only was Izuku a liar, betraying Katsuki for all these years by keeping his quirk a secret, but he was a fake with his supposed admiration of Katsuki, his big shining eyes now dull in Katsuki’s color blindness watching him so closely. That admiration was a lie, a joke to Izuku, to give Katsuki hope for something that the stars remind him of every single time they fall with his tears.

Izuku didn’t love him, and probably never would, because Katsuki was weak. Katsuki was cruel. Katsuki wasn’t meant to become a hero.

He stopped crying with that thought, numb and broken and starting to see patches of grey where the dull yellows had once been. At least he still saw yellow, maybe hints of orange. He definitely saw blue and flecks of purple.

He just has lost all ability to see red and green and he barely recalls when the green had left him, or what green even looked like. Katsuki looked at Izuku that next day at school and couldn’t remember why he felt this longing for a color long gone in his vision.

When All Might had given him the chance to fight it out with Deku, Katsuki channeled all of his anger, resentment, all of his hurt and betrayal into the fight. He didn’t want to kill Deku, but he wanted the other boy to feel his pain.

He hadn’t expected to feel so numb when Deku fell to the floor after their final clash, the need to vomit mixing with the self loathing he’d carried for so long rising in his body. The whole class had seen him and his weakness, the girl with the ponytail called him reckless - stupid practically - and Katsuki couldn’t help but agree. He watched the rest of them move through the challenge, his weaknesses weighing on him so heavily.

Katsuki could barely listen to the other’s after, talking happily amongst themselves and forming quick friendships that Katsuki would never be part of. He’d ruined everything at UA, he’d definitely ruined anything with Deku.

“Hey, Bakugou!” The weird spiked hair guy called - Katuski wondered if he was red or green, he couldn’t tell - had walked up to him after they’d all changed back to their uniforms. “Do you want to wait with us for Midoriya? You guys had a super intense fight, so I thought—“

“Leave me alone,” Katsuki grumbled, shoving the guy’s hand away and leaving the locker room. He could hear the scoffs and dismissal from the others. “He’s just an ass, leave it be, Kirishima” hit far too close to home for Katsuki to be comfortable sticking around much longer.

His resolve to get better, to become better was slowly settling in when he heard the sweet sound of a voice all too familiar calling out to him.

“Kacchan!” Katsuki hated that he stopped. “I can’t explain it, but you should know this…”

He hated that he listened to the bullshit Izuku spouted then. How could it not be his quirk when he so clearly used it? Katsuki stared, listened to the lies and couldn’t help but notice the cast, the bandages, just… how broken Izuku looked as he begged for Katsuki to understand he hadn’t lied.

More lies.

More anger boiling inside of Katsuki.

More stars - stars he thought he was over already, but apparently not.

“From here on, I…!” He shouted, finally realizing he was apparently yelling right back at Izuku, and whatever he was saying before he wasn’t sure. “I’m going to beat you all!”

He turned, hurrying away, shouting more as he rubbed away the glimmering tears and hoped beyond all hope that he didn’t cry away more of his colors.

All Might stopped him, saying something that he supposed was meant to be encouraging and helpful, but only served to fuel the rage inside of Katsuki. He managed to stop the tears, but from the way All Might looked at him after that day, Katsuki is certain he’d seen the stars.

Katsuki doesn’t want to consider when All Might figured out what the stars meant, or even what the man had thought of him and his feelings for Deku. It didn’t matter. It would never matter.

He threw himself into training, trying to catch up with the ever improving Deku and hating every wall he couldn’t break through. He watched Deku soar to new heights, taking on more than Katsuki could even imagine, all while having the undivided attention of the one pro they both admired.

Katsuki was improving too, wasn't he? He was getting stronger, better. The sports festival came and he fought with every ounce of energy he had to win. Deku didn’t matter, not even when he beat Katsuki in the race, or wormed his way to the tournament. Katsuki was focused, determined to beat all other competitors and take home the win.

Todoroki wasn’t supposed to just give in.

He wasn’t supposed to take the blast using only half of his full power.

Damnit, Deku faced that half-and-half asshole at full power - why couldn’t Katsuki do it?!

Katsuki’s win was a bitter one, coming from nothing more than a lazy forfeit. Was Katsuki not good enough for Todoroki to even try? Did he think he was better than Katsuki? That Deku was better than him?

What made Deku so special?

Why couldn’t Katsuki be special too?

He didn’t even get the chance to hear the chimes when the sweet smell hit him, his world blacking out. When he awoke, it was to chains shackling him to the podium of first place, a muzzle keeping him from yelling again. For a moment, he thought he might cry - that more stars would pour from his eyes and burn away another color. But then, fear crept up his spine and he was reminded of being held down by the sludge villain.

The only thing that kept the fear back is the sight of the arena, of Tokoyami and Todoroki at either side of him, and seeing the half-and-half asshole immediately ignited the rage within. He fought against his binds, shouting as much as the muzzle would let him, writhing and frantically trying to set off explosions to get his hands on that piece of shit who didn’t even let Katsuki take his win properly.

All Might is the last person he wanted to see, smiling and removing the muzzle to speak with Katsuki directly. He denied the gold medal, even as All Might moved to hang it around his neck. He spoke softly to Katsuki, explaining victory and the lessons it might bring to him.

Katsuki glared, chewing on the strap the gold medal hangs from, and listened to the cheering of the audience as Midnight closed out the event. He glared at his classmates watching him with weary eyes, until he was met with the only concerned gaze.

Deku’s eyes were grey and Katsuki hated looking into them. He hated how broken he looked, how dull and pale his palette had become with the loss of colors. Not even the blue of his uniform could help brighten his complexion, and Katsuki had to force himself to look away.

The internships came and went with little improvement on Katsuki’s end. Just endless lectures about attitude and being a nicer person. Katsuki was plenty nice, he just didn’t see the point in lying to people about who he was.

Best Jeanist was, however, the most perceptive pro Katsuki had ever met, and even if his advice wasn’t what Katsuki wanted, it was something he found he needed.

“How long have you been color blind?” Jeanist asked him on their final patrol together.

“Haah?”

“You can’t tell the difference between red and green,” he said simply, looking at Katsuki with the patience of a saint. “Were you born color blind or has it been happening gradually?”

Katsuki frowned. “I have a disease and the one cure is impossible.”

No sense in lying, right?

“I imagine you think it’s impossible because you think this person could never love you back,” Best Jeanist hummed, carrying on the patrol and leaving Katsuki behind for a moment. “I think, with time, you can and will put your best self out there, Bakugou. And this person will eventually see you for the good hero you are.”

Katsuki followed after, listening for any other advice. “How did you know I was talking about star tears?”

Best Jeanist looked back only for a moment, his eyes thoughtful. “It’s the only disease I’ve heard of that causes color blindness and only has one cure. Well, two actually.”

Katsuki gaped at him, rushing to his side and stopping the pro from moving on. “What’s the other cure?!”

“Isn't it obvious?” He huffs when Katsuki only frowns. “Stop loving them.”

Katsuki’s hand fell from Best Jeanist’s arm. He had felt the world shift at those words, a disorienting feeling hitting him hard. How could he stop loving Deku when he didn’t even know when it started, let alone why he was in love…?

Best Jeanist cleared his throat, pulling Katsuki back. “Either way, it isn’t easy. My advice is to work on yourself before working to win their heart.”

Katsuki shook his head. “He’ll never love me after what I’ve done to him.”

Best Jeanist didn’t comment. He only patted Katsuki’s shoulder twice and carried on the patrol, the conversation dropping to only being about the perimeter and what to look out for.

Katsuki could barely speak the rest of the day.

He wasn’t sure how to go about falling out of love. Deku infuriated him. Annoyed him. Got under his skin in ways no one else could. Katsuki couldn’t stand him - but he loved him.

Katsuki had watched Izuku grow from a quirkless nobody to ranking amongst the top of the hero course. He was growing stronger, faster, better at such a rapid rate.

And Katsuki could do nothing but watch, recognizing the way Izuku moved, the way he acted, the way he exuded confidence and bravery.

It was the front Katsuki put up. It was all Katsuki.

Only better.

He refused to cry, even when he saw the stars late at night, he just shut his eyes tight and screamed into a pillow until the anger boiled away his frustration, his insecurities, his pain.

Izuku was better than him. It was like everything Katsuki did, Izuku simply laughed at - proved he could do it all too, would do it better and more efficiently. He was mocking Katsuki.

Just like he always did.

Shit - how would Izuku act if he only knew how in love with him Katsuki was? Would he tease him, make him believe he loved Katsuki back despite everything and leave Katsuki with the bitter knowledge it was all fake because the stars would never stop.

He hated it. Why was he in love? How did it happen? What did Izuku do to him to make him love him?

At the time, it didn’t matter - Katsuki needed to clutch onto the last of his colors, the blues and little bits of yellows, purples, and oranges. His greens were nothing but grey splotches now, and his reds were losing their yellow hues - hell, even the oranges were starting to fade.

He couldn’t waste time wondering why he loved someone who made him feel so much loathing in himself.

Katsuki had resolved to focus on himself, to ignore Izuku and his entire being.

Aizawa-sensei had other plans.

The final exam was brutal - pitting Katsuki against his idol alongside the one person he couldn’t stand? Aizawa was truly a cruel man.

His resolve to ignore Izuku, to avoid him at all costs, was pushed aside. Instead, he was forced to work with the person who held his heart, and slowly he began to understand how it all even happened.

Izuku was more of a hero than Katsuki could have ever hoped to be. He was efficient, thinking steps ahead and even when he doubted himself, he seemed certain to find a way around the obstacle - in this case, All Might. Izuku had formulated a plan of attack so quickly, Katsuki had been stunned into silence.

It could work.

It did work.

Mostly - All Might was a greater foe than either had anticipated, even with Katsuki pushing himself beyond what he knew he was capable of. Izuku was doing it, why couldn’t he? So he pushed, and he fought, and he threw himself into every hit, every crushing grip, and broke himself all in the name of saving the boy he resented - the boy he loved - the most conflicting person in his life.

All to make sure Deku’s plan for their success worked.

When it was all over with, once he was alone and healing and listened to a lecture on where he did well and what he needed to work on… Katsuki thought back to the memories that flooded his mind mid-battle, the memories he had long since buried.

Izuku had always followed after him, had always shown a fondness for Katsuki. Even when Katsuki hurt him, pushed him away, bad mouthed him - even after everything, Izuku was always there. At the corner of his vision, wide eyed with wonder and admiration.

Back then, it was hard to say if it was all an act. Maybe, once upon a time, Izuku was genuine in his feelings for Katsuki. Maybe, before Katsuki lashed out more, before he couldn’t take the staring any longer, Izuku had felt for Katsuki what he feels now.

The star tears began when Katsuki was 12. He barely recalls what happened when they were 12 - did he injure Izuku badly then? When did it get easier to tell (to imagine) Izuku was mocking him?

It hits harder than he ever thought possible to realize that maybe, once upon a time, Izuku felt the same way and the disease took Katsuki the day Izuku realized he was better - began to believe it, began to feel it, began to just…

Fall out of love with him.

Katsuki ruined his chances to be with Deku - to be with Izuku - and for what? His pride? His self preservation? He’d fallen for his childhood friend and realized it far too late.

And even then, the love thing just didn’t make sense! How was he in love with Izuku? He hated him, didn’t he?!

No.

No, he knew he didn’t hate him.

He felt a lot of negative things thanks to Izuku, but Katsuki could never hate him.

Is that what love means?

He watched him more after the exam. When he heard about the encounter at the mall, Katsuki felt chills and an overwhelming desire to murder run through his veins at the thought of that villain with his arm around Izuku. He couldn’t believe how stupid the nerd was to have caught himself up in that crazed man’s schemes.

Not as stupid as Katsuki, apparently.

The training camp was supposed to be simple, a chance for Katsuki to catch up and surpass Izuku. But then the villains showed up - looking for him. The second he heard that cat lady in his head alerting everyone that the villains were after ‘Kacchan,’ he knew Izuku had put himself in harm’s way again.

Not wanting to be outmatched, or worse be seen as a weakling for avoiding these villains, Katsuki ran headfirst into a battle he was not prepared for. The stupid half-and-half asshole tried to stop him, and while it was lucky he did, Katsuki did not appreciate it. The crazed man with razor teeth was not going to hold back, and Katsuki refused to do the same.

“If you use any large flames around here and the fire spreads, we’ll be surrounded by fire, and everyone will die! Do you get that?!” Todoroki had explained, as if Katsuki were too stupid to understand that.

Katsuki had spat at him, “shut up! I know!” But he knew how reckless he’d been would have made things worse, and it was better to keep a calm head. Even if Todoroki had been the one to remind him of this, Katsuki knew he was right.

The ice could barely fend off the villain attacking them, but Katsuki figured one of them would find a way to defeat that freak. Despite his disdain for Todoroki, Katsuki knew the guy was a capable hero in training, and the two of them could easily become an unstoppable force if they worked at it.

Except they didn’t need to - the sight of Shouji carrying Deku towards them had nearly made Katsuki’s heart stop, especially when he saw the desperation in his green eyes as he called for him. But he didn’t have the chance to focus on how broken and bruised Izuku was, because Tokoyami and his ridiculously powerful quirk Dark Shadow took on the crazed villain when they could barely gain any traction. Katsuki was happy to let Tokoyami have this win, helping him regain his control with Todoroki after the villain was taken down.

With the villain incapacitated and Tokoyami back in control, Katsuki had the chance to really look at everyone - especially Izuku.

His arms were broken, and he was bleeding from his head it seemed. The fact that Shouji had to carry him was enough proof that Deku was seriously injured and should not have been out there.

But he was.

For Kacchan.

In the moment, he could only hear the others talking about protecting him, pissing him off enough that he became an easy target for a sneak attack. However, as he sat in the villain’s lair later, he had a moment to reflect on it.

Izuku’s plan made the most sense for returning to safety, and while Katsuki hated the idea of needing to be protected, he knew it was the best option. As they moved through the forest, he stared at Izuku’s head from his vantage point, and tried to wrap his head around this boy who looked down on him going this far to find and protect Katsuki.

He didn’t need his help.

He didn’t need any of them to help him.

But Izuku…

He was suddenly encased, shrunken down and unable to see properly. Katsuki struggled to move, to escape, but whatever had a hold on him would not budge. He felt himself unable to breathe, wondering what had happened and where the others were.

Where Izuku was.

The sound of the world around him was muffled, sounding too loud and too far. Whatever that quirk had been, it seemed like he was placed in a pocket dimension - a literal pocket even. He hated it, he felt his body shudder and the fear take over being bound once again—

And then, just as suddenly, he was back. With a hand around his throat, being pulled back into a portal, and the only thing he could see was the bruised and bloodied and broken body of Izuku hurtling himself towards him, screaming out for him.

“Kacchan!”

He could only think of the sludge villain. Of quirkless Deku trying to save him despite not having the power.

And then, once again, Deku doing everything he can - and Katsuki couldn’t bear it.

“Don’t come,” Katsuki had rasped, his eyes burning at the edges, “Deku...”

The portal had swallowed him up, closing before Izuku could reach, and soon Katsuki was in the lair of the villains.

He had been transported to a shady bar filled with all of the remaining League members, and Shigaraki kept his back to him until the man with scarred flesh wrangled him into a chair. Katsuki had fought against him.

He tried to fight.

The villains merely knocked him out and woke him up, repeatedly asking for Katsuki to join their side.

It was a cycle. He’s awake, treated like a comrade and shown hospitality despite being bound to a chair, asked to join the League of Villains again and again, to which he’d spit in their faces, and soon he was out again. Katsuki never slept, not of his own choice, and his skin was constantly crawling every minute he was awake and forced to endure their endless talking about a new world.

Katsuki could only think of one thing when they asked for him to join - All Might. The Symbol of Peace. The hero he aspired to be.

He knew he was rough around the edges - Best Jeanist was the most vocal person he met to constantly remind him of his bad attitude - but Katsuki was a fucking hero, damn it! He’s made mistakes, he’s doing all he can to be better without losing his sense of self. He’s trying to improve his power, to defeat villains, to become the best and keep the world at ease.

To pretend to know him, to think they knew anything about who he was and what he desired… Katsuki despised these villains. One instance of mistreatment, and suddenly a bad reputation is all he has. Katsuki couldn’t stand being told who he was or what he stood for.

Izuku never stood by and let others tell him he was weak or helpless. Katsuki would and could definitely do the same - he may be harsh, and he may have a bad attitude, but he knows his heart is in the right place.

He is a hero.

They would never change it.

But Katsuki could admit, at the very least to himself, that he feared the rest of the world deciding he couldn’t be a hero, too. His classmates certainly joked about his “villainous” tendencies, did his teachers think the same?

Did All Might?

Did Izuku?

The broadcast came at the perfect time - a reminder that U.A. believed in him, at least a little, and a push for the villains to finally release those shitty binds. Katsuki knew it was a manipulation tactic, even Shigaraki practically admitted it himself, and he would not be swayed. He believed in heroes like All Might - surely All Might believed in him, too.

Aizawa’s words rang the hardest in Katsuki’s head. If he ever thought for a second that the strict teacher didn’t pay attention or care for him and the rest of the class, Katsuki was immediately proved wrong with his speech on Katsuki’s desire to become a hero.

He knew.

U.A. knew.

And Katsuki was ready to fight with all he had to get out of there.

He just hadn’t expected the interruption of a pizza delivery - let alone that the pizza was actually All Might.

Seeing his idol, along with all those other heroes, coming to his aid when he needed it most nearly brought the stars to his eyes. But Katsuki stayed firm, focused on the villains and ready for any direction from All Might.

Only he didn’t get the chance to when he began to choke on some disgusting sludge, or when it enveloped him. He heard All Might shout for him, the smell of the sludge disorienting him enough that the moment he had a chance to breathe fresh air, he couldn’t comprehend where he was.

At least, not until the strange man with an odd helmet spoke to him. Katsuki stared, trying to judge the man’s threat level before more of that black sludge appeared, dropping off the League members.

“You failed again, huh, Tomura?” Katsuki had become rigid as he spoke, realizing this dark man exuding power must have been the real villain pulling the strings - the true leader, Shigaraki’s master.

Katsuki prepares himself for a battle, trying to gauge how powerful this man is when All Might appears and crashes into him.

The man didn’t budge.

And All Might knew him.

Things moved too quickly to keep up, Katsuki could only focus on himself and fending off the villains as they tried to take him again. He wouldn’t allow that, couldn’t do that, knew he needed to leave and give All Might the space he needed to fight this all powerful villain.

The sight of a few of his classmates flying overhead was the last thing he expected to see, and Katsuki knew it was the best opportunity to get out of there alive. He blasted up after them, grabbing Kirishima’s offered hand, and as they flew away from the scene, Katsuki took a moment to try to figure out how they got there.

The ice was enough of a sign that Todoroki was amongst them, though Katsuki didn’t see where, and Kirishima clearly broke through that wall. Iida must have been the speed to get them off the ice ramp and into the sky fast enough, and Deku…

Of course Deku was there, probably assisted with that speed, the push to move, and from how stupidly complex it all was, this had to have been Deku’s plan.

The aftermath of their escape felt overwhelming, watching what they didn’t realize would be All Might’s final battle. Katsuki screamed his heart out for his idol to win, standing beside Izuku and cheering with a crowd, watching and hoping All Might would come out on top again, even after his form shrunk, was shown to be nothing more than a slowly dying man.

Katsuki felt the hope of the crowd, the excitement at witnessing a monumental battle between two powerful beings. All Might’s victory was also his end, proclaiming to the cameras “you’re next” as things were being cleaned up. The people believed he was referring to the villains.

Katsuki looked over and saw the tears in Izuku’s eyes and knew, somehow, some way, All Might was talking to Izuku.

He tried to piece together how - a borrowed quirk, was it from All Might? But when? How? Is that even possible? And beyond that even - what made Izuku so special that All Might picked him?

Pick him. And for what? To battle a great evil like that villain boss? All Might has defeated him, so who would Izuku be going against?

Shigaraki.

But what did it all mean…?

Katsuki’s mind raced in the following days while under house arrest. His mom scolded him, insulted him, hugged him close and cried when she couldn’t even keep up the front anymore. Hit him over the head as an excuse to touch his hair, to pet him and hug him quick. Affection was hard for her, just as it was for Katsuki, but she managed in her own way.

It didn’t help that some of the media was painting him as the reason for All Might’s end.

After hearing it so many times, from the media - from his mother - from his own thoughts, Katsuki eventually broke down and wasn’t at all surprised to see the stars flowing from his eyes.

His dad wasn’t surprised either, and didn’t say anything when he found Katsuki huddled on the floor of his room. He’d been less touchy than his mom, but Katsuki wished he’d say or do something more than just check in on him every few hours and hold back tears.

“How many colors can you see now?” His dad asked, coming into his room to sit beside him.

Katsuki sniffled, pulling his knees closer to himself. “Blue and purple… mostly just blue now.”

His dad had hummed. “I read somewhere that,” he swallows thickly, almost awkwardly, “that there have been cases of star tear disease clearing up when their love is returned and the color blindness is cured as well.”

“It’s impossible,” Katsuki huffed, shaking his head. “Deku will never love me.”

“How can you be so sure?”

Katsuki shrugged, not wanting to get into it. “I just am.”

His dad sighed, patting Katsuki’s shoulder and pulling him into a loose hug. “I’m proud of you, you know?”

Katsuki grunts, rubbing at his eyes.

“And your mother is too—”

“Tch.”

“—even if she doesn’t say it, she cares, Katsuki.”

Katsuki rolled his eyes. “She has a piss poor way of showing me - no wonder Deku doesn’t love me, if she’s my example.”

His dad chuckled, though it sounds sad. “You’ll find a way to show him, and when you do, I’m sure he’ll accept you.”

Katsuki glared. “Deku has more of a spine than you, old man.”

“That’s true,” his dad laughed, “but you never know what can happen when you take a chance.”

He didn’t respond after that, and his dad left him to his thoughts. That evening they received a message from U.A. about dorms and keeping students safe on campus, and Katsuki didn’t even get a chance to put in his two cents.

“You’re going,” his mom had said simply. “If there’s one thing I’m certain of, it’s that they’ll understand you better than I can. You always wanted to be a hero, and I never had a clue what to do with that.” She took a bite of her dinner and mulled over her next sentence. “That Aizawa… he summed you up better than any of your previous teachers or even what I could have said. I’m not about to take you away from the one thing that will give you the potential to be a hero, Katsuki.”

Katsuki nodded. “Thanks…?”

She scowled, pointing her fork at him. “Thanks?! That’s not how you respond to something like that! You better succeed at that school, Katsuki!”

“Honey, please…”

“I am going to succeed, you old hag!”

“Brat, you’re going to excel!”

“No shit!”

“Language…” His dad sighed, but there was no stopping the stupid argument between them.

The next day, Aizawa and All Might showed up to convince his parents to let Katsuki live on campus in person, and his mother was quick to tell them her thoughts. Katsuki hated her need to touch his head, like she needed more reminders he was there, especially when it happened in front of his (admittedly) favorite teachers.

Seeing All Might in the smaller form brought back the accusations of him being the end to All Might, along with the reminder of Deku being his successor.

Only, he didn’t really know it then. It was a theory - a plausible theory, one he was certain of.

“All Might, what is Deku to you?” Katsuki had asked.

All Might hesitated, “he’s… my student. Just like you.”

It was a lie.

Katsuki was nothing like Izuku - not in All Might’s eyes.

“I get it if you don’t wanna tell me,” Katsuki said, turning away when he heard his mom yelling. “Oh, and… thanks.”

The days leading up to move in were slow, filled with doubts in himself and his future.

All Might saw Izuku as a better hero than Katsuki. That was the short and end of it.

It was the only thing Katsuki ringing through his mind leading up to the license exam. He saw the way they interacted, the way other students looked at Katsuki. He found himself drawn closer to Kirishima and even Kaminari, allowing himself to be in their presence more, and somehow they managed to make him feel more like himself.

It was enough that Kirishima had walked in on Katsuki clearing his eyes of the stars and recognized what they meant.

Looking back, he was grateful that Kirishima only focused on the meaning of the tears, and not on why Katsuki was having a breakdown to begin with.

“You don’t gotta tell me anything,” Kirishima had quickly said, shutting the door to Katsuki’s room behind himself, “or even really talk about it, but I’m here if you wanna just… ya know, talk?”

Katsuki sniffled, glaring at his curtains as Kirishima stepped closer into the room. There was an air about his friend, one that told him he knew.

“Who do you think it is?”

“Huh?”

Katsuki glared. “You have to have an idea of who it is, so just say it or get out, Shitty Hair.”

Kirishima gulped, sitting on the edge of his bed with enough space between them. “Well… I mean, it’s probably not a girl since you told Kaminari you hate that stuff when he tried to show you his stash.”

Katsuki rolled his eyes. “Anyone with a shred of decency wouldn’t be into that shit.”

Coughing, Kirishima nodded and continued. “For all the guys, you’re not really close to anyone, so—”

“Just fucking say his name, you idiot,” Katsuki snapped, “I didn’t ask for your deduction!”

Kirishima held his hands up and laughed. “Okay, okay! It’s… it’s Midoriya, isn’t it…?”

Katsuki relaxed, falling back on his bed and sighed. “Was it that obvious?”

Humming, Kirishima shook his head. “Nah, without the star tears I wouldn’t have known. But it sorta makes sense - well, not really, but—”

“Fuck you talk too much.”

“Look, all I’m saying dude is that if you had to love anyone, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was Midoriya. You’ve known him for so long, there’s obviously a history.” Kirishima shrugged, rubbing at his neck and messing with his damp hair. “Actually, the surprising part is that he doesn’t love you back.”

Katsuki scoffed. “Trust me, it’s not surprising.”

“Are you kidding me?” Kirishima gaped at him. At the confused look Katsuki gave him, Kirishima shifted on the bed to face him more. “Dude, Midoriya looks at you like you hung the moon! The way he talks about you, I would have thought he had the disease, not you!”

“Deku would go blind with this disease,” Katsuki rolled his eyes. At the puzzled look on Kirishima’s face, he went on to explain; “Star tears means you have unrequited love, and when you cry the stars take your vision away. It’s usually just colors, but apparently there are some reports of complete blindness.”

Kirishima nodded. “Yeah, but why would Midoriya go blind?”

Katsuki narrowed his eyes. “You’ve met him - he’s a crybaby.”

“Oh yeah,” he laughed, “okay, fair, he probably wouldn’t see anything.” Kirishima frowned. “Hey wait - how bad is your—”

“I can only see blue now.”

Kirishima stared, a look of sadness crossing his eyes. “Oh shit, dude… I didn't know you cried that often.”

“I’ve had the disease since I was 12,” Katsuki admitted, “I lost the ability to see green after that sludge villain when I was 14.”

The heartbroken look on Kirishima’s face was too much. “Shit, dude… Midoriya is all green, that… that must suck!” Something dawns on him. “Wait, did you see red when we—”

“No,” Katsuki sighed, “I figured out you were redheaded when you decided to go with Red Riot as your name… and that Racoon Eyes is apparently pink…”

Kirishima nodded, “and Asui is green too, just like Midoriya.”

“I figured a frog would be green, dumbass.”

Katsuki’s jaw shifted as he considered how bad it would sound to ask. But he already told Kirishima all of this, he could ask one thing of him.

“Kirishima.”

“Hm?”

“... are his eyes still beautiful?”

The look of despair on Kirishima’s face was not worth it, nor was it when he started crying. “Dude...!”

“Fuck, stop crying, forget I asked—”

“They’re the most beautiful shade of green I’ve ever seen,” Kirishima nodded, “trust me! I - I wish I could describe it to you, but how do you even describe green?”

Katsuki shrugged. “I don’t remember what it looks like. I just know Deku looks dull and I hate it.”

Kirishima sniffled, nodding along as he wiped his eyes. “Yeah, I… I can’t imagine.”

Katsuki sighed, “I’m tired and the exam is tomorrow. Get out already…”

“Sure, but uh… Bakugou?”

“What?”

“Star tears disease,” he hesitates, “my grandma told me about it when I was a kid. And, I dunno if it’s actually true, but she said that those afflicted with the disease are usually experiencing the purest form of romantic love that just hasn’t been returned yet.” Kirishima nods to himself. “You seem to hate him, but if you’re just putting on a front—”

“I could never hate him,” Katsuki murmured, surprising Kirishima.

“... well, I believe Midoriya can and will love you back, man. One day.”

Katsuki shook his head. “It’s too late for that.”

Kirishima sighed. “Well, you might believe that, but I don’t.”

He leaves after that, and Katsuki mulls over his words until he falls asleep.

The exam was brutal, filled with talented upperclassmen from other hero institutions and difficult obstacles. Katsuki passed the first round without trouble, though that admittedly was due to the help of Kirishima and Kaminari. Seeing Izuku had passed both set him at ease and set ablaze his resolve to crush him in the second round.

Except, he utterly failed.

Katsuki failed.

Katsuki didn’t receive his provisional hero license.

Upside, neither did Todoroki.

Downside, his entire class passed. Even Mineta.

He would never hear the end of this.

Ever since his kidnapping, the need for heroes to go and rescue him, for classmates to go and rescue him, for being the end of All Might… Katsuki felt the weight of failure crushing him, and this exam was the final crack in his mentality.

Katsuki is weak. Worthless. Everything he ever called Izuku, he knows now it was just him projecting. He could never become a hero, not like this.

All Might didn’t think he was worthy - he picked Izuku to carry on his legacy.

How?

How did he choose him? How did he give it to Izuku?

How is Izuku so much better than him?

He simply was.

Katsuki knew this. He knew Izuku was a good person, is a good person, has always been a good person. He is better than Katsuki. He is meant to be a hero, his drive to protect others around him turns him into a force to be reckoned with, especially now that he has All Might’s quirk.

Katsuki needs to know how it happened.

He waits for the rest of the class to be distracted, going to Deku once he’s alone. The little nerd is on his phone, texting with someone when Katsuki calls out to him.

“Hey.”

He’s startled him, Izuku shaking with surprise and quickly gapes over at Katsuki. It’s almost a relief to see the way he doesn’t tense up, doesn’t instinctively cower when he sees Katsuki anymore.

Katsuki never really noticed the sour taste in his mouth when Izuku did that before until it was suddenly gone. His nerd had grown a lot during their time at U.A.

He doesn’t dwell on this, walking past Izuku to make sure he’s the only one to hear him when he says it.

“Come outside after. It’s about your quirk.”

He heads outside to wait on the porch for the telltale signs for the rest of the class to be heading to bed. Katsuki feels numb, unable to piece together anything more than the simple facts he’s come to accept.

Izuku is better than him - a better hero. All Might knew this. All Might gave Izuku his quirk somehow. Katsuki, who is weak and helpless, has been competing with someone who’s better than him. He had no chance of winning - if the greatest hero is backing Izuku, how could anyone take him on and even think they have a chance.

He needs to know what it is. What made Izuku so special to All Might, made Katsuki so weak compared to him?

Katsuki doesn’t stand a chance. He’ll lose this fight, but not without giving it his all.

Izuku meets him out front of the dorm once the others have all gone to bed, and Katsuki quietly takes him back to their first battle. The fake city was repaired, no longer a disaster zone to reflect on Katsuki’s own failures.

Izuku calls out to him, asking questions and sounding concerned about breaking rules. Katsuki knows he’ll follow anyway - knows Izuku can tell something is off and as someone who so desperately wants to save others, he’ll want to help. On top of that, Katsuki mentioned his borrowed quirk - Izuku can’t ignore that, not if it’s meant to be a secret.

Listening to him try to reason with Katsuki brings him back to childhood, back to when Izuku would follow him without a second thought. It’s odd, how much Katsuki had missed it - missed the praise that never felt hollow, the adoration and genuine care in Izuku’s eyes. He missed the color, long forgotten and yet so fondly sitting deep in his memories.

Once they reach the building that began all of Katsuki’s failures, he begins to speak. He’s been considering his words for this confrontation all day, been working up all of his nerves to speak frankly and lay everything out for Izuku - his frustrations, his weakness, his guilt.

He gets caught up in his words, his anger at not being good enough for his most recent failure, the license exam, and winds up scoffing at the idea that Izuku could get his license when Katsuki could not.

“I - I earned that, though! But demonstrating my abilities and—”

“Shut up and listen!” Katsuki snaps, turning around to properly glare at him. Izuku squeaks out an apology, but the speech he’d prepared has left him. His frustration builds and he can only focus on the issue at hand - the borrowed quirk. “This whole time, it pissed me off,” he continues on, and Izuku’s dull grey eyes focus so heavily on him he nearly forgets to breathe. He looks down at his feet, takes a deep breath. “But with the incident in Kamino, I’ve finally put the pieces together…”

He slowly meets Izuku’s eyes again. It’s obvious he knows what Katsuki will say, has figured out that Katsuki has made his own conclusion about everything and it’s all correct.

“I’ve been thinking about it this whole time,” he admits, watching Izuku swallow thickly. “You got that power from All Might, didn’t you?”

Despite how clear it was that Izuku was expecting this, he cannot hide the shock in his face, though he tries if the trembling of his lower lip is anything to go by.

When Izuku doesn’t immediately answer - no denial either, Katsuki notes - he goes on to explain how he made the connection. The villain boss and his quirk, how All Might seemed to know him, when Izuku began to change after meeting All Might and what the meaning behind a borrowed quirk most likely meant. Izuku doesn’t respond, just listens, and every little flinch of his eyes tells Katsuki more and more how right he is.

“All Might wouldn’t give me a straight answer,” Katsuki says, “it’s the only reason I’m asking you now.”

Izuku’s fists tighten and he finally looks away, the guilt clearly crossing his face. Katsuki figures it must be from the fact that Izuku had given Katsuki the biggest hint to figuring out this secret - who else had Izuku so blatantly told he received his quirk from someone else?

“The fact that you’re not denying it means I’m right, doesn’t it?” Katsuki asks, though he really doesn’t need Izuku to confirm.

There’s a war going on inside his head, and Izuku’s lips tremble as he considers his options. Slowly, he lifts his gaze and meets Katsuki’s eyes again.

“If I tell you, what are you going to do with it?” Izuku asks instead, and Katsuki takes a deep breath to remain calm.

“You and me… we both looked up to All Might and wanted to be like him,” Katsuki starts, narrowing his eyes into a glare as the frustration within him boils to anger. At himself if he’s being honest, more than anything he’s angry at himself. “You were just some quirkless nerd, but you were acknowledged by the person I admire most. So that’s why you’re going to fight me,” he holds out his hand, surprising Izuku, “here and now!”

Izuku gapes at him. “Why?!” He begins to flail, talking a mile a minute, and Katsuki just watches him. With the anger bubbling, he cannot take the time to consider how cute this could be, and instead feels annoyed at Izuku’s hesitation.

He loves the guy, but he’s fucking annoying when he gets like this. Endearing, but so annoying, and right now Katsuki needs action, not hesitation. He needs to punch something, blow something up, to prove something to himself. He needs confirmation that Izuku was worth All Might’s power - that Katsuki truly wasn’t worthy of it.

“There’s no reason we should do this now, is there?!”

“Don’t you get it?” Katsuki mutters, cutting Izuku off from rambling more. “If we try to fight seriously, they’ll just stop us. I wanna know what makes you so great that All Might would go that far for you. If your goals were so much better than mine, then,” he scowls, “does that mean mine were wrong this whole time?!”

“Kacchan…”

He doesn’t wait for more excuses, stretching his arms and preparing himself for the attack. With a final warning, Katsuki sets off an explosion and throws the first punch.

Katsuki blasts him, flings him, shoves him, does everything he can, but Izuku is only on the defensive, begging him to stop and explaining why it wasn’t a good idea. It reminds him too much of their past, of the bullying he put Izuku through for getting too close

Seeing him start to get into the fight pushed Katsuki further along, until a well timed kick sent him back. He stumbles, falling to the ground and staying there for too long.

“A-are you alright—”

“Don’t worry about me!” He snaps, slapping away the hand offered to him. He can’t hold it back anymore, all of his resentment and anger, his guilt over All Might came pouring out of him. Izuku doesn’t move, and Katsuki can’t stop the word vomit of his despair.

He can feel it, the tears are coming and the stars will rip away his final color. But Katsuki can’t stop it now, he’s crying and sobbing through his words about being All Might’s end, about his failures and weakness. He lets his tears flow, and his heart is pounding too loudly for him to listen for the chimes that don’t come.

Getting ahold of himself, Katsuki takes Izuku’s moment of shock as an excuse to shoot forward, attacking once more. The light blue-ish glow of crackling energy around Izuku picks up again, and he manages another well timed kick against Katsuki. He doesn’t fall this time, catching himself and looking back to see Izuku in a fighting stance, eyes glowing bright with the same blue-ish tint. There’s more to it, something Katsuki doesn’t recognize, but he’s too fired up to focus on stupid colors.

“I refuse to be your punching bag, Kacchan!” Izuku shouts, and the fight resumes.

Only now, it’s a proper fight. Katsuki is flying at high speeds, attacking with everything he has, doing all that he can to disorient Izuku so he doesn’t have time to think. He flings him around, and while Izuku is getting faster, getting more into sending in a few hits of his own, Katsuki can tell he has Izuku on the defensive.

Despite this, Izuku is smiling, looking excited the more they get into it. Katsuki scoffs, moving to blast that grin off his face.

“Thought you weren’t going to be my punching bag?!”

“I’m not!”

“Whatever, you’re probably scheming something!” Through the blasts, the kicks, the blocks, Katsuki begins to yell at him about the insecurities that Izuku gave him. How Izuku always rubbed him the wrong way, making Katsuki feel looked down upon.

Izuku stops moving, listening to his words with a look of shock. “You thought of me… in that way…?” He manages to say, and Katsuki scowls back. Izuku shakes his head, “that’s… pretty normal. If I was being looked down on and made fun of by someone, I would want nothing to do with that person.”

Katsuki narrows his eyes - if that were the case, why did Izuku still follow Katsuki around even after he treated Izuku the way Katsuki felt Izuku treated him?

“But even still, I had nothing, but that’s why,” Izuku hesitates before looking up to meet Katsuki’s eyes with determination.

In the light of the moon and stars, Katsuki can see a hue in his irises, but it seems to be a dark blue playing with the grey. He couldn’t be seeing green, he knows he isn’t.

“Despite every negative trait you had, I still admired you,” Izuku continues, “your sheer amazingness at everything you do was so brilliant to me, it was blinding! You, who had so many things I never had,” his energy crackles around him again, and he begins to charge forward, “to me, you were an amazing and inspiring person, who was even closer to me than All Might!”

Katsuki gasps, pulling back when he sees how much faster Izuku is becoming.

“And because of that, I always chased after you,” Izuku swings his leg down, so fast Katsuki nearly missed the block. “And now, I’ve finally caught up to you!” Izuku shouts, landing a damned good hit on Katsuki despite his attempt to prepare for it.

Their fight progresses, further and further along, and they both begin to shout trash talk to one another, amping up their speed, their power, the fight getting more and more intense by the second. Just as Katsuki thinks he has the upper hand in the air, he’s surprised by the punch thrown in his face, and for a moment he can do nothing but accept it. Only—

“I refuse to lose!” He screams, grabbing Izuku’s stupid ‘sheets’ print shirt and yanking him around, flipping them to his advantage and blasting them down with one of his larger explosions.

The impact is hard, even for Katsuki who lands on top of Izuku. He’s quick to pin him down, holding his weight over Izuku and declaring it his win as the smoke clears. Izuku coughs, struggling against Katsuki’s hold on his face. His skin is soft, and Katsuki can feel the tickle of his curls against his fingers. Izuku is warm under him, and he feels a mixture of satisfaction from his win, as well as a twist of disappointment in All Might’s successor.

“Even with all that power, All Might’s power,” he rasps, shaking his head, “even if you made it your’s, you still lost to me.” Katsuki gulps, panting through his breathing as he comes down from the intensity of the fight. “Come on, why did you lose?!”

“There’s enough, you two.”

Katsuki pulls back, looking over his shoulder and seeing the man in question.

“All Might,” he and Izuku ask together, surprised he was there.

All Might walks forward, and his thin and frail form would have looked intimidating if Katsuki didn’t know what the man looked like before. He approaches them, and Katsuki slowly removes himself from Izuku. The look on All Might’s face is grave, almost as though he felt guilty for not seeing it all sooner.

And he says as much, apologizing to Katsuki and beginning to explain how none of what happened to All Might was Katsuki’s fault. Katsuki couldn’t stand hearing it, couldn’t believe that All Might looked at Katsuki thought he was anything but weak, that he didn’t need the same help he provided to Izuku.

Katsuki can feel the burning at the edges of his eyes, the tears beginning to pool in his vision. All Might pulls him close, apologizing again. Katsuki nearly allows himself to melt in the embrace, but pulls back when he remembers his anger - his own weaknesses and faults and those being the reasons behind All Might looking past him and towards Izuku.

All Might doesn’t let it bother him, going on to explain his own philosophy on what makes someone a hero. They listen, and as he speaks, Katsuki begins to recognize that there really were two core values to All Might’s heroism.

To save and to win.

Katsuki feels himself begin to calm as this connects, the realization dawning on him that he never was wrong in his beliefs of what made someone a hero.

“If the two of you can recognize each other and honestly raise each other up, you can become the best heroes, who both win and rescue.” All Might says, and Katsuki meets Izuku’s gaze as these words strike through him.

“That’s… not what I wanted to ask about,” Katsuki huffs, collapsing to the ground beside Izuku.

He takes a moment to properly catch his breath, resting his head on his arms. He can tell they’re both waiting for him, and Katsuki wets his lips as he sighs.

“Deku,” he starts, unwilling to look over to him, “if you’ve got the strongest person helping you out, you can’t go losing anymore.”

Izuku doesn’t answer right away, and Katsuki is grateful that he’s taking his words to heart.

“I’ll get stronger,” Izuku finally says, “so that I can beat you.”

Katsuki closes his eyes and relaxes a little more at the promise.

He turns his head a little in All Might’s direction, still not willing to look up. “Who else knows about you and Deku’s relationship?”

“Recovery Girl and the principal. Among the students,” All Might’s voice wavers a little, “only you.”

“You don’t want anyone to find out, right, All Might?” Katsuki asks, sitting up a little and carding his fingers through his hair. “Since you’ve been trying to hide it, I won’t say anything to anyone. I won’t go blabbing like Deku, okay?”

All Might nods, “this secret stays with us.”

He takes a moment to explain it more to Katsuki, allowing him further insight into his quirk - One For All - and about the villain boss - All For One. Katsuki listens, taking in the information and doing his best to memorize and understand it all.

Izuku remains silent at his side, even after All Might finishes. Katsuki turns to him and swears to continue their rivalry, that things would be different from then on and Izuku can expect that Katsuki will surpass him.

As All Might leads them back to the dorm, Izuku swears to go even higher than Katsuki, which makes no sense, and the two of them argue the whole way back. Katsuki notices a change in Izuku as they move, but it’s hard to say for sure what it was, although All Might’s knowing look tells him the man has already figured it out.

Whatever it is.

Aizawa was understandably displeased, ready to rip them to shreds until All Might saved them and explained away their fight as being a failure on the adults’ part. Aizawa seemed to agree and let them off with a more lenient punishment than what he wanted to give them before - house arrest and cleaning duties. Katsuki could do that, and while he’d miss a few days of school, it was better than expulsion.

He leaves to head to bed when All Might stops him in the hall.

“Young Bakugou, wait just a moment,” he touches his shoulder lightly, and Katsuki turns to face him. He was too tired to argue with him, ready to get past whatever All Might had to say. His thin face smiles, and Katsuki isn’t sure what to make of the expression. “It’s good to see your disease was cured, my boy.”

“Hah…?”

All Might chuckles, the sound soft and sincere. “There were no stars in your eyes when I tried to comfort you before - when did it clear up? I’ve been concerned since the first time, especially since you don’t cry often enough to see if it’s still there. I hope the world is beautiful to you once again.”

Katsuki blinks, trying to comprehend what he means. “What…?”

All Might looks just as confused now. “Your tears? Earlier this year, after the battle trial, I swore I saw the star tears in your eyes after young Midoriya told you about his quirk, but tonight they were gone. Was I wrong?”

Slowly, he begins to see it. It’s subtle, but there are colors he hadn’t seen around himself. All Might’s hair was blonde rather than white again, and there’s a light hue of red in his features. From down the hall where Aizawa helped them get patched up, he can see the yellow of the light pouring out of the room and the weird tint of yellow-green on the walls within.

Katsuki looks at his hands and can’t recall the last time he saw anything but grey. His heart is pounding, and he takes a moment to just stare before he’s running back to his room. All Might calls after, but he doesn’t pursue him or try to stop him.

Making it back to his room, he flips on the light and is overwhelmed with color. He nearly falls to his knees, tears already pooling from his eyes. Only there wasn’t a single chime, or a sparkling light. He could see it all properly again, but when did he…?

He thinks back. He cried the night before the exam because he was overwhelmed with his self-hatred, convinced he was weak and unworthy of becoming a hero. There were stars then, it’s how Kirishima found out. He didn’t cry during the exam, so who knows if there were any stars then. He did cry while fighting Izuku though, and—

Wait.

He didn’t hear a twinkling chime, did he? When he was sobbing, he hadn’t wiped away any glittering tears. They were… normal.

Did he fall out of love with Izuku?

No. No, he knows he still loves him. Fuck, he loved him even more if it really was all a misunderstanding brought on by Katsuki lack of self confidence, if it was just him projecting his own insecurities onto Izuku! This whole time, he admired Katsuki and looked at him with so much care and…

Did…

Did Izuku fall in love with him in the middle of their fight?

What the fuck is wrong with that stupid nerd?! Who falls in love while they’re fighting?!

Katsuki’s voice cracks on a laugh, sounding pathetic as he cries a little more. He pulls himself over to his bed, collapsing on it and curling in on himself.

What was he supposed to do now? Ask him? Did Izuku even realize what he’s done?

But what if he has it all wrong - what if he did fall out of love? But why would he? Izuku has never once looked down on him, so why would Katsuki stop loving him just because he found out Izuku didn’t hate him?

Maybe he was a masochist.

Katsuki takes a shaking breath, sitting up and grabbing his phone to search the internet for information on star tears. As he searched, he could not find anything reliable - mostly theories and opinion articles that had little to no research. Somewhere along the way, he managed to stop crying because of how frustrating it was that no one could give him a straight answer.

Before he gets any angrier, Katsuki decides to search for the color of his dreams - a color he’s long since forgotten but longed to see again. Image search brought him multiple shades of green, and slowly he begins to remember what it all had looked like.

Only...

These weren’t the right shades. He knows they weren’t. He needed to see him, needed to look into Izuku’s eyes with proper lighting and see the beautiful shade he lost so long ago. His sleep is restless, anxious, and he tosses and turns the whole night. Probably didn’t help that he left his light on, but it was nice to open his eyes and still be able to see the red and oranges and blues of his room again.

Waking up hours later, feeling like he had no sleep, he prepares himself for his day of cleaning and heads downstairs before anyone else. Izuku is there already, but Katsuki can’t bring himself to look at him. He isn't ready. Not yet.

For all he knows, it wasn’t cured by any feelings being returned.

But no - his own feelings aren’t gone. Izuku’s voice as he greets him with a cheerful good morning makes his heart stutter, his stomach twisting when he thinks about what shade of green his eyes are. Katsuki wants so badly to turn, to look, to stare and fall in love all over again.

Izuku is saying goodbye to their classmates, returning to his cleaning on the other side of the room. Katsuki slows his own movements, preparing to turn and look.

He’s ready to see those beautiful green eyes again, to properly memorize their shade and how bright they are. He just… needs to turn. Turn around. Turn around you idiot—

“Hey,” Izuku calls out quietly, a gentle sound that fills the air between them. Katsuki closes his eyes, breathing deeply to calm his rapid heartbeat. “About my shoot style… what do you think?”

Katsuki considers the question - what does he think? Damn it, does Izuku really need his approval? Has he always been so admiring, so willing to learn from those around him? Katsuki scowls at himself, disappointed that he ever allowed himself to think these kind gestures from Izuku were anything but genuine.

“Your windup motions are too big. Even with your speed up, I was just barely able to react in time. It’s not suited for a slug fest.”

“Is that so…?” Izuku asks, and Katsuki holds back his grin. He can hear it now, without the underlying mocking he projected into Izuku’s voice - the genuine interest, the actual care he has for others.

Damn, no wonder he fell for Izuku. The guy is amazing.

“It doesn’t mix well with punches,” he adds with a huff, “it pisses me off.”

Amazing, and he can throw a decent punch, considering how sore Katsuki’s face still is.

“... I see…!”

Katsuki stops moving, biting back the grin now pulling at his sore cheeks. “Hey.”

“Hm?”

“Green,” he starts, stopping when he realizes he isn’t sure what he wanted to say.

“Green…?”

Katsuki decides to start from the beginning instead. “I haven’t been able to see green since the sludge villain.”

He can hear Izuku’s movements stop, can practically feel his gaze on Katsuki’s back. “W-what…?”

“I have a disease,” Katsuki admits. “It makes me go colorblind over time.”

Izuku is silent, but the air is thick with concern. A sharp inhale, then, “d-does it hurt? How did you get it? Is - there is a cure, isn’t there?”

Katsuki turns, but he keeps his gaze low. He’s still not ready, not yet.

“You’ve never heard of star tear disease?”

“No! It sounds… bad? How did it happen? What does it do exactly?”

Katsuki huffs a laugh. “It goes like this - when I cry, stars will flow from my eyes and take the color with them. The more I cry, the less color I see.”

“Kacchan, I—”

“But there’s a cure.” Katsuki says, dropping the vacuum against the back of the couch to move closer to him. “It’s hard to get—”

“I’ll help! Anything! Tell me what to do!”

“Deku,” Katsuki stops before him, looking at the stupid shirt Izuku has on. “It’s already been cured.”

Izuku makes an odd sound, almost like he was shocked to know Katsuki would share any of this. “R-really? That’s great! How did you do it?”

Katsuki finally looks up. Izuku’s eyes are on him, wide with wonder and brighter than ever. The dull grey is finally gone, and his heart leaps into his throat when he finally sees the green shade.

“Anyone with star tear disease are those with unrequited love,” Katsuki explains, watching Izuku’s expression.

His eyes seem to widen before they grow dark. “O-oh…! So you… you love someone?”

“Yeah,” he shrugs, “and the cure is for them to love me back.”

Izuku’s eyes shift, looking away before finally focusing on Katsuki’s face. “I… I didn’t know you were dating, Kacchan…”

There’s a sad tone to his voice, and Katsuki smiles.

“I’m not - it was cured last night.”

It takes a moment, but Katsuki can see the moment it clicks for him. The brief dark shade of green grows bright again, and a soft red hue rises on Izuku’s cheeks. His freckles stand out more, and Katsuki couldn’t be happier to see these colors again.

“W-wait, you don’t mean…”

Katsuki snickers. “You stupid nerd,” he mocks, causing Izuku to stutter through a flustered confusion. Katsuki doesn’t wait for him to figure it out, doesn’t wait for the fountain of words that are sure to come from Izuku’s lips, doesn’t - can’t wait anymore, before he leans in and kisses Izuku.