Chapter Text
Take me home and don't spare the horses
Away to a gossamer breeze
I don't need to build a house of stone
Wherever you are's where I call home.
When the wind blows over, Shi Qing Xuan is left to pick up the pieces all by himself.
He’s not alone in a literal sense. He’d like to think he never was. He was welcomed by a community who knew nothing about his identity. To them, he was just a lost beggar that spoke of nonsensical, larger-than-life things while walking around on just one pair of working limbs. Still, they took him under their wing in a heartbeat. Nursed him until his mind and body were more at ease, and treated him like he has been with them since the very beginning.
Shi Qing Xuan was thankful, he’ll never deny that. He found himself a family after losing his own, so maybe he wasn’t alone after all, but—
God, he was lonely.
Sitting under the shade of a cherry blossom tree a few feet away from the abandoned temple, he runs his fingers against the intricate carvings on the Wind Master Fan. On the smooth, wooden surface, breeze-like symbols adorn its sides. Just a little lower, tied to the metal that binds everything together, rests a jade tassel attached to a light green thread. When Shi Qing Xuan unfolds it, the character for Wind stares back at him in bold, black ink.
Feng.
Ever since “Hua Cheng” gave him the Wind Master Fan at the Royal Capital, he has always kept it by side. Though a little broken and worse for wear from the last time he used it to ward off the Human Face Disease, he unfolds it every now and then to give it a look. His hand travels down the fan and lets the jade tassel sit on his palm.
He doesn’t have the best memory in the world. Doesn’t remember every single thing that has happened since he ascended, but if there’s one thing he’s certain about, it’s that the jade tassel hasn’t always been there. Still, he clutches it tight and keeps it close.
“Feng-gege! Feng-gege!” He hears children screaming at the top of their lungs. When Shi Qing Xuan looks up, he sees them running quickly towards him. He folds the fan shut and places it on top of his bad leg. Before he can even look back up, a small boy jumps and sits on his one good leg. Behind the boy, more young kids follow suit and surround him.
“Ji Ying,” He smiles and steadies the young boy on his lap. “Be gentle, will ‘ya? This gege only has one working leg left. Keep this up and I’ll have none!”
The boy places his tiny, muddied hands on Shi Qing Xuan’s shoulders and giggles. “Feng-gege, it’s almost sunset! You know what that means, right?”
Shi Qing Xuan hums thoughtfully. “Hm, ah yes! It means this gege can go get rest soon!” The children shake their heads vigorously at this.
“No, Feng-gege!” A young girl standing by Shi Qing Xuan’s foot whines. Her hair is long and everywhere. Her outer robes are faded and look haphazardly patched up. Her eyes are bright and glistening when she pouts at the lame-legged beggar. “We’re going to see the lanterns tonight, right? You promised us!”
The rest of the children echo the young girl’s pleas and Shi Qing Xuan fakes an exasperated sigh. “I guess if Ji Ying and Ji Feng insist that I promised, then I have no choice but to take ‘ya lot.”
Ji Ying bounces on his lap in delight and the young girl, Ji Feng, runs to his other side to wrap her small arms around his waist. She is careful not to move the fan on his leg when she hugs him tight. Behind them, the other children cheer in happiness.
“Oi, wait a minute.” He gently pats Ji Ying off his lap and Ji Feng untangles her arms from around him. “Did you ask your parents if you can go?”
The kids all nod at the same time and Ji Ying pipes up once more. “Mother said as long as you’re with us, we’ll be okay!”
“That’s an awfully big responsibility for someone with only two working limbs!”
“We believe in you, Feng-gege!”
Shi Qing Xuan is slow and careful when he stands up. With his working hand clutching on the fan tightly, he leans on the tree for support. “Well,” The kids lend him a hand until his foot is planted flat on the ground. “Let’s get going then!”
With Ji Ying holding onto the hem of his robe and Ji Feng doing the same at the other side, they make their way back to the abandoned temple. Within the little community they’ve built, he grabs a few things and talks to some people along the way. Although the children assured him that their parents have allowed them to go, he still made it a point to talk to each one of them. It’s no surprise that the parents don’t think twice before leaving their children in Shi Qing Xuan’s care. He’s well-loved and known by these people. If they trust him, then they also trust him with their kids.
Before the sun fully sets, they leave the temple and start their short journey to the hill. Every year, the Royal Capital prepares large banquets and festivities for the highly anticipated Shang Yuan Festival. Marking the 15th and last day of the Lunar New Year, the humans in the mortal realm use this day to worship and celebrate the celestial heavens by letting lanterns fly and light up the skies.
Back when he was the Lord Wind Master, Shi Qing Xuan would always look forward to the celebration held by the Heavenly Kingdom. He remembers the trivial competition the gods would hold to see who gets the most number of lanterns every year. He even remembers the way the Crown Prince of Xian Le stole the show by winning and having 3,000 lanterns dedicated to him last year.
This time though, things are different.
This time, he welcomes the Shang Yuan festival with an open arm, not as an elemental god adored by many, but as a humble mortal who is finally living the fate that was rightfully his from the very beginning.
In order to see the lanterns in the outskirts of the Royal Capital, the locals would hike up a small hill located not that far away from where the beggars live. It’s not too steep for Shi Qing Xuan to climb with his walking stick and the top of the hill is high enough to have a decent view even for kids like Ji Ying and Ji Feng.
By the time the skies started bleeding hues of purple and dark blue, he and the children had already reached their destination. At the top of the hill, quite a number of people are either sitting or walking around restlessly in anticipation for what’s to come. Seeing as it’s a bit too crowded and noisy, Shi Qing Xuan motions for the children to stay closer.
“Alright, listen up.” He says, his tone serious. “There’s five of ‘ya and only one of me, so always hold hands and stick to this gege, okay? No running or wandering around without me, alright?”
The children nod solemnly and move even closer to him. With all of them grabbing onto his outer robes, he tries to squeeze his way to the very front of the hill. He is silently grateful for bringing his walking stick because whenever the people around him notice, they spread apart and make more way for them. They find a free spot a few feet away from the hill’s edge and he asks all of the children to sit down before him. Above them, the skies have turned a darker blue and they take it as a sign that the festival is about to begin.
Once settled down, Shi Qing Xuan pulls out a pouch of boiled peanuts and passes it around for the children to eat while waiting. Around them, the crowd has grown bigger and the noise a bit louder. From a distance, he hears vendors walking around selling all sorts of things to pass the time.
“Feng-gege, have you watched the lanterns before too?” One of the younger girls, Jian Mei, asks from beside him.
An image of a black-robed heavenly official scarfing down the banquet food without a single care for the rest of the people in the room enters Shi Qing Xuan’s mind.
He smiles and, with his good hand, fixes the little girl’s hair. “Of course I have! But I used to see it somewhere else.”
Jian Mei’s eyes glisten in wonder. “Where did you see it before, gege?”
He points up at the sky. “I used to see it from up there! The view is amazing and there’s so much food!”
The little girl gasps. “Gege, can you take me there next time?”
“Ah,” Shi Qing Xuan scratches his head lightly. “I don’t think gege can go there anymore. But if Jian Mei works really hard and promises to always be kind, you will go there eventually!”
“Really, gege?”
He nods and pats her cheek lightly. “Yes! So work really hard, okay?”
Jian Mei nods fervently and looks back at the sky. Shi Qing Xuan rests his hand on top of the Wind Master Fan tucked securely in between his cloth belt and outer robes. He relaxes a little more and leisurely stares up.
Not long after, the crowd stirs when slowly, lanterns from all over the Royal Capital float up and illuminate the sky one by one. The lanterns cast a faint orange glow over them and from this view, they look like little stars finding their way home.
In the background, Shi Qing Xuan hears a faint beat of drums and the clang of metal instruments. Down the hill and even farther away from where they are, the Capital is beaming with colors. Different shades of the rainbow cover houses and market stalls from the different decorations hung carefully.
There are a million different things to take in all at once, but Shi Qing Xuan fixates on the lanterns that continue to float their way up the Heavenly Realm. In the middle of all the celebration, he drowns out all the background noise. Instead, he remembers:
Black robes hugging a slim figure just right. Slender fingers toying with a jade cup gloomily. Another hand wrapped around a small, white vessel. A presence that was always silent but never failed to give him comfort.
Just like that, Shi Qing Xuan’s heart pangs.
Despite not knowing what name to call, he still whispers under his breath.
I wonder if you’re watching this, too.
When he blinks his eyes back to focus, the skies above him shine a luminous orange — the very same shade of the sun whenever it bleeds into the ocean for the moon to rise. Beside him, he hears an excited squeal and a quick set of footsteps. Before he can process what he just heard, he turns around and feels his heart drop to his stomach.
“Jian Mei!” Shi Qing Xuan screams as he frantically tries to get up. He slips a few times but the other children help him up quickly. All the while, his eyes never leave the small, retreating figure in front of him.
“Ji Ying, just stay here, okay?” He tells the little boy and the other children nod as well.
Gripping the walking stick tight, he pushes his way into the crowd as fast as he can. His leg hurts from all the weight he’s forcing on it, but he never stops. Jian Mei is quick on her feet, a few steps away from the edge, and Shi Qing Xuan can’t breathe.
He screams at everyone to move aside and some of them listen. He focuses on Jian Mei’s back, and just as he gets the slightest bit closer—
Shi Qing Xuan loses sight of her.
His eyes widen when he can no longer see her small figure. His heart is pounding rapidly against his chest, ears ringing from the loud cheers all around him. When he gets to the hill’s edge, Jian Mei is nowhere to be found. He looks down past the edge of the cliff, praying to the heavens that the little girl did not slip and fall to the ground.
As he continues looking for her in a distraught manner, he almost misses a familiar squeal from within the crowd.
“Feng-gege! Feng-gege!”
Shi Qing Xuan whips his head around to the sound too fast and he loses his balance. His walking stick doesn’t do much to help him and before he can even process it, he feels his body give out.
He winces and closes his eyes as he prepares himself to fall to the ground on his side, but the collision never comes.
Instead, there’s a vice-like grip on his good arm that steadies him on his foot. His eyes slowly peel open from being squeezed shut and the sight that greets him consists of a boy about a few years younger than him and a crying Jian Mei perched on his hip.
Shi Qing Xuan releases the breath he was holding and immediately steps forward. “Jian Mei! What were you thinking?” His voice is shaky when he wipes away the tears on her face.
“I’m sorry, Feng-gege.” She hiccups in between words. “I wanted to see the lanterns the way you did.”
“What do you mean?” He speaks more gently to console the little girl.
“Gege said,” She starts and pauses in a fit of hiccups. “If I work hard, I can go up and see the lanterns.”
“You silly little girl.” He chokes out a laugh. “You can only do that when you’re much older! For now, seeing it here should be enough.”
He pats her hair softly. “The lanterns are beautiful even from down here, right?”
Jian Mei nods and hides her face in the crook of the boy’s neck.
Throughout their whole conversation, the boy carrying Jian Mei stayed still and quiet, like he wasn’t even there. His expression is blank and when Shi Qing Xuan turns to look at him, his eyes cast downward.
The boy clears his throat and hikes Jian Mei higher. “I saw her just when she got to the edge. She almost fell but I caught her right on time.”
Shi Qing Xuan’s eyes water upon hearing this. Just as the tears threaten to fall, he bows his head as low as he can. “Thank you so much for saving her. I don’t know how to thank you enough for your kindness.”
The boy reaches for Shi Qing Xuan’s arm like it’s the most natural thing to do, worried that he might trip and lose balance again. “It’s nothing. I’m just glad I got to her before things could go wrong.”
Around them, the crowd has begun to disperse. Most of the lanterns have already been released a while ago. If the locals wanted to continue celebrating, they had to go to the Royal Capital.
“Feng-gege,” Jian Mei whines under her breath and looks up. When she makes grabby hands for Shi Qing Xuan, the boy lets her down carefully. The moment she lands on her feet, she runs to hug his good leg.
“I’m sorry again, Feng-gege.” Her voice is muffled by his robes but he laughs anyway.
“I forgive you, Jian Mei.” He ruffles her hair. “Just don’t do that again, okay?” He feels more than sees the little girl nod in agreement.
She takes a step back and reaches her tiny hand out to hold his but hesitates at the last second. Shi Qing Xuan’s only working hand is holding onto the walking stick firmly. His lame arm is strapped in a sling to prevent it from getting hurt. If he held Jian Mei’s hand, he wouldn’t be able to use the walking stick.
Seeing the dilemma the two were in the middle of, the boy cleared his throat. They look up to him at the same time. “Jian Mei, is it?”
Jian Mei nods solemnly.
Without looking at her, the boy extends his hand out. “You can hold my hand so your gege won’t have trouble walking.”
She processes what he just said for a few moments before shyly grabbing his hand. Her eyebrows are creased when she stares at their hands. “Okay.”
If Shi Qing Xuan smiles to himself looking at the scene in front of him, no one else notices.
The other children were standing hand in hand and patiently waiting when Shi Qing Xuan came back to them. His smile grows at the sight and urges them to grab onto his robe. “Look out for each other okay? Make sure no one’s missing.”
Like a bunch of ducklings, the kids all hum in understanding.
Close by, Jian Mei is still clutching onto the boy’s hand tightly as they descend the hill.
The walk back to the abandoned temple usually does not take long, but since Shi Qing Xuan overworked his leg a while ago, they walk much slower to avoid further damage on his limbs. The outskirts of the Royal Capital is quiet save for the few people who opted not to join the festivities and decided to head straight home. The breeze is cold where it hugs Shi Qing Xuan to say hello and the moonlight emits a soft glimmer over them.
Halfway into the walk, Shi Qing Xuan feels a light tug on his robe. “Feng-gege,” He looks down and sees Ji Ying whispering to catch his attention. “Who’s the boy holding MeiMei’s hand?”
He looks at the pair walking in front of them and turns back to Ji Ying. “He saved Jian Mei’s life when she ran a while ago.”
“Oh.” Ji Ying doesn’t take his eyes off of them. “What’s his name?”
Shi Qing Xuan stares at the back of the boy walking in front of him. The way he walks is quiet but measured. His hair is a deep, raven black and is pulled to the back of his head in a neat ponytail. Shi Qing Xuan stops looking when he feels a twinge of familiarity blooming in his chest.
“I don’t know but,” He turns to Ji Ying instead and smiles. “He seems like a good guy.”
Ji Ying hums in deep thought. “So he’s a good gege? Just like Feng-gege?”
He laughs and nods. “I think so.”
Shortly after their conversation, the group reaches the abandoned temple. The children who were holding onto Shi Qing Xuan rush to their parents when they see them, each one buzzing with energy from seeing the lanterns for the first time.
Jian Mei almost runs to her mom immediately too but she stops herself abruptly. With her hand still clasped in the young boy’s, she looks up and gives him a small smile. “Thank you for saving me, gege!”
Shi Qing Xuan observes the way the young boy’s eyes widen by a fraction at the term of endearment. Notices the way his ears turn pink under the moonlight. The jade tassel hanging by Shi Qing Xuan’s hip swings when he tries to suppress his laugh.
Before the young boy can come up with an answer, Shi Qing Xuan approaches them. “Jian Mei,” He calls out. “What else do you want to say?”
The little girl looks at her feet and plays with her fingers. “I’m sorry, gege. I’ll be more careful.”
“It’s a relief that a good person saw you, isn’t it?”
At the mention of the young boy, Jian Mei looks up and positively beams at the two of them. She hums in agreement and turns to the one who saved her. “Thank you and I’m sorry, good-gege! I won’t do it again! I promise!” She raises her right pinky finger up to him expectantly. The tips of the boy’s ears turn even redder.
He hesitates for a second before crouching down to Jian Mei’s level and intertwining his pinky finger with hers. “You be more careful, okay? For you and your gege.”
She nods in all seriousness. When she lets go of his finger, she doesn’t stop looking up at him. “Good-gege, will you come back to play with us?”
Shi Qing Xuan fails to hide the giggle that leaves his lips when he hears her question. “Jian Mei, don’t put him on the spot like that.” He beckons her over and she follows.
“Why don’t you go to your mother and get yourself cleaned, huh?” He pushes her hair away from her face. “You must be so tired and hungry. Feng-gege will come right after, okay?”
“Okay.” She smiles. She waves a goodbye to the young boy before running to her mother who was waiting patiently a few feet away.
“I apologize. She must’ve been a handful on the way here.” He says.
The young boy shakes his head. “Nothing to apologize for. She was in no way a handful.”
“I know I already said this but I still want to thank you again for what you did back there.” He leans on his walking stick. “I wouldn’t know what to do if you weren’t there.”
“Well then I’ll say it again, too.” Black hair swings lightly when the young boy turns to him. “You don’t have to thank me for anything. Anyone else would’ve done the same if they were in my position.”
“How else can I repay you for your kindness?”
They stare at each other for some time. There’s an unreadable look in the boy’s eyes that Shi Qing Xuan almost mistakes for hurt but he scraps that thought right away.
“You really don’t have to—”
While saying this, Shi Qing Xuan was looking for the extra pouch of boiled peanuts he saved for the way back but in his haste, the Wind Master Fan tucked between his belt slipped. It almost fell to the ground if not for the boy’s quick reaction. In the blink of an eye, the boy catches the fan with his hand, cradling the jade tassel in his palm before giving it back to Shi Qing Xuan.
He takes the fan back carefully. “Thank you for that.” He laughs awkwardly. “I can be a bit clumsy sometimes.”
The boy just stares at him fixing the fan into a secure position until he breaks the silence. “You wanted to repay me for my kindness, right?”
Shi Qing Xuan gets caught off guard. He pauses in confusion but shakes his head to clear his mind. “Yes, of course! Do you have anything in mind? I know I’m just a beggar, and a lame-legged one too! Haha, I don’t really have much to offer, but if you want anything, I’ll try my b—”
“Take care of yourself.”
What he said makes Shi Qing Xuan speechless. In front of him is a boy who looks just a few years younger than him — someone he’s never even met — and he’s telling him to take care of himself like they’ve known each other for a while. Despite him looking like someone froze him with the way his eyes are unblinking and his lips are partially open, the young boy’s face remained expressionless.
Before Shi Qing Xuan can utter a word in response, the boy walks past him and leaves him in his spot. He’s about to turn the corner when Shi Qing Xuan breaks out of his trance and calls after him.
“Hey!” The boy stops in his tracks and turns only sideways, not even sparing him a glance.
“What’s your name?”
The silence stretches for longer than Shi Qing Xuan deems comfortable. He nearly convinces himself that the boy won’t give him a proper answer, until—
“Jie Heng.”
Without sparing any ample time to respond, Jie Heng disappears into the dark night, and Shi Qing Xuan is left with that familiar twinge in his chest.