Work Text:
Are you alright?
Sunlight was painting the Balleater in the pretty colours of the day’s afternoon, warm, comforting, soothing, washing over the events that took place in the past few days, the past few weeks, and, more recently, just a handful of hours before. It was deceptively calm now after the events of last night, the dried bloodstains all over the wood of the ship betraying the peaceful atmosphere. Their hired crew had been busying themselves throughout the day, trying to remove the worst of the aftermath, but it seemed as though the ship had wanted to keep part of the Nein for itself and so some blood would stay. Caduceus didn’t mind. Blood was part of both life and death, neither good nor bad, and if the ship wanted some, so be it. Since it was made of wood, which, at its core, was nature and therefore part of the Wildmother, the cleric had no objections. It still irked him. He had lost his composure, very much so, had finally succumbed to the stress his life had been under just mere hours ago, and even though his countenance wouldn’t betray him, there was just a bit of chaos inside of him. Not the good-natured chaos that Jester so loved to talk about, but the bad, turning one’s head kind of chaos, making one feel strange emotions about the world and oneself and leading to nausea and anxiety if nothing was done.
Which was precisely why Caduceus was doing something about it. After lunch, which he had enjoyed less than he had thought he would, he excused himself, which earned him shrugs from most members of their troupe as they went after their own business, and curious gazes from the more observant ones. He went to his room below deck and found a widdling knife and the small piece of wood he’d been working on. He had taken up the hobby while working on the tree on top of the Xhorhaus, where he’d wanted to find use for branches that had broken off. Yasha had suggested widdling and had even given him a tiny knife with which to try. Unsurprisingly, he’d enjoyed it quite a lot, and had stuck to it. It somehow helped him concentrate on the Wildmother. On his way outside, he passed the desk where Caleb’s book about plants was situated, and, after staring it down for a long moment, Caduceus sighed and took it with him as well.
With some freshly brewed lavender tea, he made his way outside and climbed the mast of the ship, where he had arranged a quiet niche to meditate with pillows and the likes. There, he sat down, poured himself a cup and closed his eyes. He placed his hands into his lap and took a deep breath, closing his eyes, searching for his heartbeat, finding his centre, grounding himself, sinking deep into his meditation. He took a deep breath in, taking in his surroundings, following the flow of the ocean air entering his body, and allowed himself to be present in the moment. Exhaling, he allowed his thoughts to rise up inside of him, noticing them, acknowledging their existence, letting them go and sending them out to Melora.
Feeling the wind on his fur and in his hair, smelling the saltiness of the sea mingling with the lavender notes of his tea and hearing the waves of the ocean helped calm his thoughts, and so it didn’t take long for the firbolg to settle into a trance. The Wildmother’s thoughts washed over him like warm water. He was not alone, even here. He was seen. He was loved. Melora, who reigned over the sea as much as she did over the land, for both were part of nature, was watching over him even here, in the middle of nowhere. He sank into this thought like a warm embrace, the wind caressing him and giving him comfort. It ruffled his sleeves, brushed against his back, played with his hair, meowed and–
Cracking one eye open, Caduceus caught sight of something orange. Fluffy. Fast. Another meow and he simply had to crack a smile, setting down his teacup – it was almost empty by now anyways – and reached out to pet Frumpkin, who had somehow made his way up onto the mast. The cat bumped its head against the outstretched palm and rubbed against it, letting out a content purr before circling around the firbolg’s back, elegantly dodging his tea set, to finally settle in his lap as if it belonged there. Caduceus loved Frumpkin, and it delighted him to be able to spend some time with the cat, even more so because Caleb didn’t send it to him often when compared to the other members of their troupe. Did he mind? No…. yeah, actually, he did. Support animals can help people who seem to be balanced as well, really!
"Hello, sweet... What are you doing up here?", he scratched behind frumpkin's ears, happily accepting the cat as it claimed his lap for a seat "I thank you for joining me! I don't suppose you'd like some tea?" At the small meow the little furball gave, Caduceus chuckled. Being fey-touched himself, he knew that Frumpkin didn't need sustenance on this plane, but he also knew to be polite, and understood that the cat precisely understood his intentions and knew how to politely decline without making any of them uncomfortable. They stayed for a long moment in stillness, Caduceus entering his meditative state while scratching Frumpkin's ears and listening to the soothing rumble of his purr. It took a while before the firbolg wrapped his head around the fact that climbing up the mast of a moving ship wasn't exactly what cats normally did. It took just a bit longer to realize that the purr-machine on his lap was seemingly making sure that Caduceus felt soothed and contented. And after realizing this behaviour, it took only a moment to see the rather non-catlike glint in the familiar's eyes.
Caduceus grinned. Mr Caleb...
Catching himself before revealing his knowledge about the wizard watching him, his grin grew sly with the arrival of an idea. He took Frumpkin in his arms, up to his face, and nuzzled the fey cat's nose, then kissed it.
"You're quite the adorable little thing, you know that? And your cat is too..."
The glint disappeared in the blink of an eye. Instead, Caduceus remarked a sudden commotion on the deck of the ship. He heard the sound of something crashing, and then an "Oh shit, Caleb! What the hell??" from Fjord. He stretched to peek over the railing of the crows' nest and had to hold back a chuckle.
Caleb had apparently fallen over from where he'd sat, and had crashed into some crates standing on deck for one reason or another. His face was quite a remarkable shade of red as he covered his mouth in shame and looked up at the crows' nest - and directly at Caduceus, which caused the colour of his face to darken even more and he looked away in embarrassment. Beau, upon seeing the sorry state the wizard was in, had started laughing and was currently keeling over, trying to regain her bearings and at least pretend to be concerned about Caleb's wellbeing.
When the wizard finally stood up, Caduceus decided to release him from the awkward situation he was currently being held in.
"Would you care to join me for some tea, Mr Caleb?", the firbolg called out, not waiting for an answer before he sank back into his relaxed pose from before, letting Frumpkin settle back into his lap once more, listening to the waves, feeling the wind. He took the piece of wood he brought and the small widdling knife, and continued working on the project he’d started a few days ago, to pass the time on the ship, and to keep his hands occupied in times of unrest. Long moments passed, and Caduceus had almost given up on the idea that the wizard would be joining him, when he heard the creaking of the ropes as Caleb made his way up. He cracked one eye open to look at the human, sitting atop the railing, apparently unsure of what to do next.
Caduceus smiled and shuffled away from where he'd sat, motioning to Caleb to sit down on the pillows, just next to him. Wordlessly, the wizard obliged.
They sat there for a few moments, the firbolg studying the other's face out of the corner of his eye. There seemed to be something on his mind, he could plainly see it on his face, so Caduceus wanted to give Caleb space to begin a conversation, wherever it might lead.
After shifting a few times in his space, which resulted in Frumpkin leaving Caduceus' lap and settling on his master's, after having started to pet his cat, concentration pulled away from apparent anxiety, after opening and closing his mouth twice without letting any sound escape, only after that, Caleb found his words.
"I, ah..." he coughed. "Frumpkin is quite intelligent..."
"He's a good cat, indeed"
"He is something like a... a support animal to me. He feels stress and anxiety and tries to soothe m- ...people when they get anxious or sad..."
Caduceus reached out to scratch Frumpkin's ears again.
"I have noticed that as well, yes"
"..."
Silence again. Caduceus didn't mind. He had time. But first...
"Care for some tea, Mr Caleb? I apologize, it might not be the best temperature anymore, b-"
"Oh, but I could help with that... If...if you'd like?"
The firbolg raised his eyebrows, but then gave an encouraging nod, and so Caleb took the teapot, and, with some softly spoken arcane words, brought heat to his hands, quietly warming up the water in the pot again. A few moments passed, before the wizard set it down again, allowing Caduceus to serve him, and then himself, some reheated lavender tea.
The calming nature of the ingredients the cleric had chosen seemed to help relax the human, and he soon carried on with his thoughts.
"I apologize, Caduceus, if I have been too forward. But I had wondered how you were doing with... all of this, really. I mean... You found your family. Almost lost them. Had to leave them again so soon. Are... Well... Ich... I sent Frumpkin to check on you... But... I...I..ah. I was wondering how you were doing myself, so... I am sorry, I couldn't resist... I know I shouldn't have, but..."
"Caleb..." Caduceus interrupted softly "I am neither mad nor disappointed. Quite the opposite. You don't need to worry"
"I..."
Caleb's shoulders, which had been getting more and more tense with every phrase slumped down again in relaxation and relief. He took steady, calming breaths, seeming to try and mimic the cleric's meditation practices, or those of Beau, and continued.
"...Caduceus... Are you alright?"
Warmth pooled in his stomach. He hadn't thought it would be so immensely gratifying to have someone ask. He'd dismissed the idea of anyone doing that at all, seeing that he was the emotional caretaker - and those were always fine, or at least pretended to be. He'd believed that having someone ask about his wellbeing in a moment where he projected calmness in dire circumstances was a testimony to his inner peace, at most. Having it be something nourishing to his soul was not what he had expected.
He took a sip from the tea before giving a deep, gentle hum of appreciation. But, how honest could he be? He was the support of the whole party, he couldn't crumble. But maybe, maybe...
"To be honest, Mr Caleb..."
The human didn't turn to face him, but wordlessly signalled Frumpkin, who immediately joined the firbolg again, sitting on his lap. There was no way the cat wasn't enjoying the amount of attention it was given today...
"... I am. Just barely..."
"Hmmm..."
"A lot has happened. It's... Well, a lot. I always felt my mission was to restore the blooming grove, to rid it of its curse. The more I think about it, I think it was just part of it. The Wildmother called me for more than that, it seems. I can't really describe how I feel, I'm sorry. I am not as eloquent as Fjord or yourself... It is hard to describe..."
"...I don't think you need to be particularly eloquent... You are you... But... I think I can kind of understand. You can hardly put it into words... If there are too many emotions at the same time, it's hard to describe what you're feeling... You're ah... torn, and you want to settle on just one of those feelings, but that doesn't work when they all demand equal recognition..."
Caduceus busied himself with petting Frumpkin, grinning.
"You say you can't put it into words, and then go on describing my current state of feeling perfectly... You're a sly one, Mr Caleb..."
"I... Apologize, I di-"
"No, no...", the firbolg chuckled "that was more a statement. A compliment even. Thank you..."
They sat in silence for a while, the waves and wind their steady companions.
"I am glad you decided to come with us, Caduceus", Caleb murmured then.
The firbolg's ears twitched at that in surprise. He was sure he'd heard correctly, but still looked at the wizard for confirmation. The human was leaning on the mast of the ship, staring down at his hands. The tips of his ears had taken on a slightly red hue, starting to grow closer to the colour of his hair than that of his skin. Caduceus found it fascinating. His skin didn't change colour that fast. He wondered if it would be warmer than the parts that weren't this red. He thought better of himself than to reach out, however. That seemed... Unwise. Maybe at a different time, he'd ask.
"Oh, I don't see it as my decision. I think I was led by the Wildmother's power. And still am. I wonder where she'll point to next..."
"Right..."
The wind picked up the longer strands of Caleb’s hair, playing with it.
"Then I suppose I'll have to thank the Wildmother for sending you to us..." He nervously tucked one of the strands behind his ear before he continued: "I just... Wanted you to know that, if... If you need to talk. But, I mean, of course, you don't have to, but- you can talk to me? Ah, or, I'm sure the others will listen as well! Just... I- we like you quite a lot, Herr Clay... So please talk to us if you feel like it could help?"
The cleric's gaze grew soft, even more than it had already been. This awkward ball of anxiety had given him his support cat because he'd felt the firbolg needed it more than himself. Had decided to check up on him through his familiar. Had climbed up to join him in his meditation. Had worked through nervousness to have a heart to heart talk about feelings. AND, to top it all off, had just offered him to be his support.
Caduceus' heart swelled with pride, with happiness, with love for this man before him, who'd simply offered his company.
He'd felt alone and had tried to find comfort in the presence of his goddess. In turn, she'd given him what he'd actually craved.
"How much time do you have, Mr Caleb?"
"...how much time do you need?"
The light painted the ship in the pretty colours of the evening, as the setting sun kissed the surface of the waters. It was still warm. Despite the bloodstains. Still comforting. Despite the chipped wood. Still soothing. Despite what had happened in the past few days.
And Caleb joined Caduceus in his meditation.