Work Text:
"Why doesn't Henry call you mom?"
Helen blinked, surprised at the question so suddenly out of the blue. Ashley hadn't stopped colouring, but it stole the breath from Helen. She knew why he didn't call her mum, but how to explain to Ashley? Her affection for her foundling was extremely high, but not quite like how she felt with her own child. Perhaps the feeling came because she hadn't set out to save a squalling child, so obviously lost and alone. Perhaps it was how her world turned upside down almost the moment they landed back in her Sanctuary and he wouldn't let go of her hand.
She had felt wanted before, and almost needed too, but his hand would not let go of hers, and she wasn't ready. So Helen did what she did best.
"Henry darling, this is my dear friend." Henry looked up, head tilted all the way back. His grip loosened. "He's going to be looking after you while I work."
His head turned, luminous eyes fixed on hers. "Work?"
She nodded. "Remember Doctor Watson in England? That's what I do here."
"Can I work too?"
Smiling, shaking her head, she replied, "You're not nearly old enough, Henry." His grip tightened. "Henry?"
"Am I going to be left alone again?"
"Never," came her friend's gruff voice. At once Helen felt gratified that she'd made her overseas call to him. To have to explain everything in Henry's presence would have been dire.
His hand fell from hers.
The relief was instant, but the regret slowly and insidiously making its way into her soul was a hundred times worse than the suffocating grip of his hand. He was barely four, and in a new country, with a host of new faces and places. No wonder he held on so tightly.
So why had she wanted that feeling gone? Why had she all but foisted him onto her old friend?
Because I'm not good enough shot through her mind. I'm selfish. I can't love him right. I'm not enough for eith--
"Mommy!" Ashley had moved from her spot by the fireplace, and now all Helen could see was her smile and her blonde pigtails, all awkward and haphazard (Helen still hadn't quite mastered them). "Look at my picture!"
"That's wonderful, sweetheart," she gushed, trying to make heads or tails of the image.
Ashley grinned, when did she lose a tooth? and explained, "It's home! And look, it's you and me and Henry and Big Guy!"
That explained the much larger stick figure closer to the front door of the wonky building.The next biggest, Ashley pointed to, was, "You, mommy! Look, you're holding my hand and Henry's hand and we have to look both ways!"
"Are we crossing a road there?"
Ashley nodded. "We're getting ice cream in all ten million flavours!" She nattered on happily, explaining everything, but Helen could only focus on two little stick arms, stuck together on paper. If only she'd let him hold on.