Archive of Our Own ^beta

Beomgyu thinks the universe always finds a way to play with his feelings one way or another.

He is by far the most impulsive person he has ever known in his entire life (that speaks volume), he is god tier stupid, borderline desperate.

No one could ever blame him though. He likes to think that he thinks the things he think of (could he get even more vague) because they were really there and it wasn't just overthinking. Alas, the universe always fails him just when he gets his hope high up, it feels like a goddamn fall from a very high cliff when he gets slap by reality.

Crushing on his best friend was a big, fat mistake. He knows it by the first second his eyes linger on the younger's lips, knows it by the first time he feels this unmistakable stab in his heart when he saw him laughing with some other pretty girls, knows it by the way every love songs was the exact replica of how he feels for him.

It's even more comical how Beomgyu was the first one to swear that he'll never fall in love with a friend because he genuinely thought that he'll get pretty fucked up if he ever did and alas, there's a reason why people should never say things like those out loud after all.

Falling in love was a heart thumping, kinda messy and borderline a shitty turn of event. Beomgyu is just that struggling, typical college student so why does crushing on his best friend just have to add a heavier weight on his heart and mind? He wasn't okay about falling in love to begin with, up until now he still isn't and the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes that more than anything, falling in love with Taehyun, practically his soulmate bestfriend, is such a scary experience but he wouldn't trade it with anything anyway.

Confessing doesn't really give any room for a choice. There are no tell tales that Taehyun even feels the same way, it's hard to differentiate his platonic touches and romantic stares. They practically grew up joined by the hip, they do things together always that it's hard to define the lines between brotherly love and romantic love. Taehyun is a pretty hard shell to crack, Beomgyu knows he have no chances.

So in that Friday morning, when Beomgyu wakes up early and actually gets to his 8 am class thirty minutes earlier, he really thinks the universe is making fun of him.

Joke's always on him, it wasn't funny anymore.

He is actually listening and paying attention to his professor when the door of the lecture hall got rudely opened and Huening Kai barges in, bowing once before flashing everyone a grin.

The professor only shakes his head and proceeds to slide on his PowerPoint, barely giving Kai another glance. No one even questioned Kai's tardiness by now as though his appearance and the number of times (read: never) he actually presented himself in this class enough as an explanation.

Beomgyu raises a brow at Kai when he chooses to sit beside him, biting the edge of his ballpen hard before letting it go and facing the younger.

When Kai turns to him brightly, wide grin plastered on his face, Beomgyu immediately gestures for him to stop by waving his hand on his face, "No, shut up, don't talk."

Kai rolls his eyes, "Dude, the only reason I literally showed up in this class was to talk to you," he snorts at Beomgyu, looking back at the professor in front, making sure that their voices aren't being too obtrusive, "So, tonight there's a party."

"No."

Beomgyu adamantly focused his eyes in front and not on the boy looking wide-eyed beside him, he would've laugh if not of the need to stay serious.

Beomgyu oaths to burrow in his bed earlier tonight and maybe binge watch unboxing vids and not get shit drunk on a college party second day after the third semester started. He's better than that, nope.

But temptation has its sneaky way of convincing people and it comes with a big, bright yellow hoodie and a face of the devil as Kai pouts, showing him the best puppy look he could muster, "Stop being such a nerd for once and actually have some fun."

Beomgyu snorts, "I have my own definition of fun, thank you very much."

Beomgyu is ready to tune Kai out and actually listen to their professor now but Kai continues to convince him with a stage whisper of, "Even Taehyun said he'll come."

Beomgyu freezes and he's ready to forfeit Kai's best dongsaeng status in return for a peaceful night but he just has to say that and completely make Beomgyu double guess his life choices.

"Fuck you."

"That won't work," Kai grins cheekily on him and there's this sudden urge in Beomgyu to punch him because of the smug look on his face that knows he got him.

Could people just stop bringing Taehyun's name to convince him to do things? He's seriously getting more and more concern on his blatant adoration to the younger. Was it even normal.

Beomgyu groans, leaning heavily on his seat, "What do I get from this?"

Kai throws him a pointed look, "Nothing, what do you expect," Kai dodges expertly when Beomgyu almost punched him in the arms, "And maybe a little heartbreak or so..." he trails off.

Beomgyu squints his eyes at him, stopping mid way.

"Uhm. You see, well. Uh," Kai starts to fidget on his seat and Beomgyu actually glares at him this time, "I have this friend, Sihyun, she's been crushing on Taehyun and practically begged me to let her meet him so I agreed and uh. I told Taehyun and he told me he'll only go if you will."

Beomgyu mutters a silent 'ah' under his breath, directing his gaze back on the PowerPoint being flashed before side-eyeing Kai, "You do know that that would only convince me more not to come, right?"

"You said you don't like him?" Kai asks, he is mustering Beomgyu seriously, ready to take his words back but Beomgyu only pursed his lips and lets out a dainty, "I don't."

I do.

"You know what, I don't care."

Kai raised a brow at him, "Really?"

Beomgyu is sure he'll regret saying this now but his bones are practically composed of impulsive decisions that he just got to say one more thing.

"It's free food so whatever."

He'll come for free food.

---

There's no free food.

In that same Friday evening, Huening Kai, the host of the party, even fetches him from his dorm just to make sure he'll attend. There was a moment of hesitation for Beomgyu but before he could ponder about his life choices again, Kai nudges him by putting his arms around the older's shoulders, taking advantage of his height.

Beomgyu snorts.

Huening Kai drags the unenthusiastic Beomgyu down to one of those Greek frat houses that he could never for the life of him pronounce.

College parties aren't really that different from those back in High School except amplified tenfold. Beomgyu had an inkling that Kai would bail on him in the middle of the party and the younger didn't even failed him when Kai got lost by his side the second they entered.

Beomgyu sighs as he scans the room disturbingly swarmed with people in various state of undress and unruliness. He even saw Yeonjun, a senior and if he recalls correctly, Taehyun's orgmate, making out with Soobin on the couch and Beomgyu can't help but snicker.

Soobin gets the jackpot tonight then from the way several girls and guys keep throwing nasty glances on their direction.

Beomgyu ponders dragging Soobin away from that situation for a moment before shaking his head, thinking that he's old enough. Now, finding Taehyun proves to be kind of a difficult task as bodies of various degree of drunken states serve as a big fuckass obstacle for him and the colored lights aren't really helping him see clearly too.

He couldn't even fathom why there were so many people at the party anyways. There are classes the next day and walking in with a hangover wasn't really Beomgyu's idea of a good state to be writing notes faster than you were reading them off a projector. Was this their kind of distressing? Did people purposely get shitfaced the night before the classes and just not show up to piss off the professors? It seems like something Huening Kai would really do.

Maybe he wasn't one to be judging though because by 11, he was already tipsy, barely holding a conversation with a senior, cropping off the conversation entirely when Jungkook starts clinging into one of the other frat boys in the vicinity (Taehyung is the name if he recalls correctly) and finding the nerve to finally walk away.

He met an acquaintance from the dance studio-- Hoseok, who was quite easily an intimidating person if you ever saw him dance, who had led him to his group of friends when Kai had all but ditched him after practically dragging him here against his will. His friend, Jimin, offered him a cup of beer and he easily accepted it even though his first reaction should be I have classes tomorrow, this is a bad idea instead of succumbing into peer pressure.

He is scanning the crowd again in hopes of spotting even a strand of Huening Kai's hair and convince him to take him home already when sees Taehyun in the corner of the room and it has always been so easy for him to make Beomgyu's heart beat just a tad faster. Alas, it has always been so easy for him to break Beomgyu's heart too because he felt it shattering into hundred pieces when he saw a girl standing too close to be friendly with Taehyun, whispering on him with the latter laughing brightly at whatever she told him about.

Beomgyu found it easier to gulp down the third and fouth cup this time, ready to get shitfaced.

Kai actually finds him by his seventh cup, though Beomgyu had no idea it was his seventh at first because he thought he could get away with lying to the younger how buzzed he really was.

And Huening Kai, God bless his soul, decided that the older has had enough and dragged him out of the door before he could take another swig of his drink.

His friend drags him to a car and he vaguely acknowledges that he shouldn't easily get himself dragged from places to places but he's finding it harder to care as seconds pass because his head ridiculously feels light and the jitters on his body hadn't completely left him, the sight of Taehyun letting the girl flirt with him makes his stomach churn and he thinks he really shouldn't have drunk with an empty stomach.

Beomgyu groans incoherently when Kai pushes him into the backseat. He opens his eyes slightly when he hears a voice in front of him, Kai talking to someone as he hovers on the window.

"Kai, shut up, I'll bring him home," he hears that voice said over the fog in Beomgyu's head, "Don't worry 'bout it."

"Who the fuck are you?" Beomgyu groggily asks, sitting up from his position on the backseat and taking a peek of the driver before scampering backwards when Taehyun's frown welcomed him.

"It's me, hyung," Taehyun quietly responds when Kai left them alone already.

Beomgyu narrows his eyes on him, taking a closer look, "Where's the girl you were flirting with a while ago?"

There's something in his voice that sounds a lot like accusation that makes him clamp his mouth shut as Taehyun throws a confused look over his shoulder, "What?"

He knows he should shut up and actually stay quiet already because Beomgyu is extra stupid when he's shit drunk but he can't really stop himself from feeding his stupidity more by succumbing into it, "That girl. Kai's friend," he gestures with his hands wildly as if finding the right words to say, "Ugly fucking eyesmiles and uh. Taehyun!" He kicks his seat when Taehyun snorts at him, "That fucking girl you were flirting with earlier!"

"We weren't flirting," the younger says calmly and Beomgyu hates the way his heart thumped when Taehyun looks at him through the rareview mirror, "Stop being cranky over it."

"Stop denying it, stupidface," Beomgyu sounds a lot like a petulant child now but it's hard to really care when there's a fire of something akin to jealousy ignited in his chest.

Taehyun doesn't repond anymore.

He drove Beomgyu back to his dorm (thank heavens he didn't have a roommate to witness the monstrosity because the said roommate was busy making out with someone back in the party) and threw him ungracefully unto his bed and Beomgyu forgot the words he said the moment they left his mouth but he does remember the words I'm going to disown your annoying ass one day.

He heard Taehyun snickered and he thought the younger's going to leave already when he felt fingers gently taking off his shoes and socks. The younger forced him to change his clothes and brush his teeth before sleeping, giving him two glasses of water before leaving him alone.

He covers his eyes with his arms as he heard the door closes.

"I am so, so, so fucked."

---

Beomgyu decides to ditch his Saturday classes and stay inside him room the whole day. His roommate of an ass didn't come home, Beomgyu actually feels a wave of concern washes over him as he wonders where did the older got to. He decided to leave Soobin a text message, asking where he has been before going back to sleep to rid the looming headache waiting to crush him.

He woke up again around four in the afternoon when someone knocked softly on the door.

He wore a hoodie to hide his bedhair, scratching his eyes gently as he opens the door.

Taehyun's stern face welcomed him, walking straight inside the room while holding two plastics on each of his hands.

"Hey," Beomgyu awkwardly greets, closing the door behind him and staying standing there as he watches Taehyun drop his things on Beomgyu's bed.

"Hey," he greets back casually, face flat.

Beomgyu gnaws at his lips, looking down, he grips the doorhandle tightly behind him as he thinks of possible reasons why the younger looks slightly upset.

"Why..." Beomgyu's voice sounds so small so he clears his throat before continuing, "Why are you here?"

"I have something to give you," Taehyun shrugs.

"What is it?"

"Eat first," Taehyun points to the packed lunch on his table, "I'll give it to you after you eat."

Beomgyu hates how Taehyun knows him too much. He grambles under his breath before following what the younger told him.

The room was quiet as he eats, Taehyun silently fixing Beomgyu's bed. When he finishes, he cleaned his table before sitting beside the younger, peeking at him curiously.

"What is it?"

Taehyun licks his lips, a flicker of hesitance reflected in his eyes, "I. Uhm. I have something to give you."

Beomgyu scrunches his brows together as he looks down on Taehyun's outstretched hand, offering him a book.

"You're giving me a book?" He raises a brow.

Taehyun clears his throat and looks away. Beomgyu wonders why the younger looks so nervous.

"Just read it."

Beomgyu rolls his eyes, "You, of all people, should know how much I hate reading," he pouts.

Taehyun flicked his forehead and Beomgyu slaps his hand away.

"It's time to change that."

Beomgyu whines.

"Just try, see if you'll find something to hate."

Beomgyu surrenders, putting the book on his bed side table before asking Taehyun to watch a movie with him.

"Can you hand me the remote?"

---

It was a boring afternoon that spurred him to actually read the book Taehyun gave him and he finds that it's not that bad and the story is actually interesting.

It was, however, a romance book and Beomgyu wonders since when did Taehyun ever read this kind of book since Taehyun is very far from being a romanticist, not really a big fan of it either.

The book is not really that long, pages not really too thick for Beomgyu to get lazy just by looking at it. The cover is aesthetically pleasing to the eyes too, colors blended enough to not come out as too bright and too pale.

In the midst of the pile of works his professors dump on him, he always find time to open the book and read even just small number of pages and he finds it in himself to actually enjoy the flow of the story, the constant push and pull between the two struggling characters.

What doesn't sit right to him however, is the reminder of his unrequited feelings for his best friend in every cheesy as fuck lines he comes across onna daily basis. Phrases of she's so beautiful when she's sleeping and I won't stop thinking about it and the constant reminders of I love you and I won't ever get tired of you and well written love confessions by the end of every chapter.

It makes him wonder how would they be if Taehyun and him actually end up together and there are times he lets himself hope, lets himself dream and imagine. Beomgyu is not delusional but there are times when he indulges in his innermost desire. Sometimes, it aches just wanting and wanting and never actually having it.

Especially when Taehyun seemed too keen on making Beomgyu drown in his own fantasies whenever he shows up in front of the younger more often than most. Beomgyu is genuinely wondering what exactly made Taehyun appear anywhere he is and it doesn't really help Beomgyu's case whenever Taehyun touches him just a second longer and it seemed like Taehyun has made it his daily task to make Beomgyu fall for him just a little bit more each day.

It was two weeks after Taehyun gave him the book that Beomgyu actually finished it, eyes tearing as he flips to the last page.

His eyes relentlessly reads until the last line and he lets out an ugly scream as he hugs the book closer.

"What the fuck, this was so good," Beomgyu mutters to himself.

He opens it again to read the last paragraph again when something on the edge of that same page caught his attention.

There are words handwritten on it, every word was punctuated neatly and Beomgyu holds his breath as his eyes flip from one line to another.

Huening Kai looks between them, staring back and forth to Taehyun and then to Beomgyu, his eyes accusing as he narrows them to the couple standing in front of him, "What's this? Why are you holding hands, why is Beomgyu hyung blushing. Taehyun? What's this?"

Soobin, who is eating deliciously beside Kai, snickers at him, rolling his eyes as he hits Kai by the arm, "Are you stupid. Can't you see signs. Are you blind."

Huening Kai gaped at Soobin, his eyes widening comically, "What the fuck so you're seeing this too? I'm not imagining things?" Kai gasps dramatically, pointing at both of them, "Holy fuck, Taehyun has finally had balls to confess! It was a torture watching all that pinning."

Beomgyu throws a tissue on the younger, "You're so dramatic."

"No, really. I've had enough," Kai declares.

Taehyun rolls his eyes before looking at Beomgyu and when the latter looked back at him, he grins.

"Yeah, I've had enough of Beomgyu hyung's heart eyes so I finally confessed."

Beomgyu hits him on the arm.)