Archive of Our Own ^beta

Soobin has experienced a couple of first times.

The first time Soobin realized he was, unquestionably, a hundred percent gay was not when he accidentally stumbled upon gay movies (he vehemently ignored the bubble of giddiness in the pit of his stomach and blamed it on his meal during lunch) nor when he realized that he was having warm feelings towards his classmate (who grew his hair long and convinced himself that he was just confused and mistaken him as a girl) but when he watched Choi Yeonjun perform during their middle school's Foundation day.

The furious blush that could not be willed away as he watched Yeonjun move his hips, growl and smirk with that sharp eyes of his like it was his personal life mission to give Soobin a nearly heart attack was a tell tale. He felt so exposed in the middle of the wild, screaming crowd of rowdy teenagers because of Yeonjun's stare and the need to hide was so strong and the fact that he had to remind himself to take a breath every few seconds rendered him dizzy, he didn't even know the performace had ended already all pointed to one thing.

"Shit." (He is doomed.)

The first time Soobin realized he was indeed crushing on his famous schoolmate slash childhood best friend was when he purposely chose the room directly in front of Yeonjun's room when his family decided to move beside the other Choi's house. Especially when Soobin himself volunteered on receiving the heart warming gift the other Chois gifted them when he knocked on their door that Christmas Eve when Soobin wasn't really the most social kid.

It wasn't in his intention to stalk his crush using a toy telescope through his room's balcony (that was somehow just directly in front of Yeonjun's) but he guessed, the universe was making it up to him for all the times it failed Soobin colossally. He wasn't even being weird, he just liked to watch the older vibe while his headphones were on and dance around the room like a caged tiger.

"Fuck." (Someone else might be doomed.)

The first time Soobin tried to talk to Yeonjun was top tier embarassing (don't even get him started) that every awful moment that he could possibly have is shoved at the very bottom of his list and that's just plain miserable. The fact that something could be so absolutely terrible and shamefully memorable to push I PEED IN MY PANTS IN FRONT OF ALL 4TH GRADERS down from number one spot after all this time is close and may hap synonymous with apocalypse and global warming or any other equally terrible catastrophe.

People said Soobin is a total packaged, handsome features, ideal height, gentleman, smart, he could get anyone really. Except there's one problem, Soobin doesn't want just anyone, he wants Yeonjun but the guy in question won't even bat an eyelash on him. Lucky for him though, Soobin is willing to try over and over again (with feelings).

Soobin pouts as he counts the total number of cars that passed by him for the past hour, his hands gripping the surface of the bus station's seat beside each of his thighs. He's wearing a simple white sweater over a tee and a denim jeans, his black cap keeping his hair tamed from the unusually strong wind and it makes Soobin wonder if it'll rain later today.

Soobin clenches his jaw and peels the banana he's holding aggressively as he too, glares at Yeonjun when he lets the girl beside him whisper something in his ears. They're sitting too close too.

You see, Soobin isn't jealous (not that he have any rights to be), he's just annoyed. It's not really new to him because Yeonjun is a social butterfly, everyone's friend, super famous, crowd's favorite, the life of the party. Boys and girls flock around him naturally because he's charming and friendly, Soobin kinda relates to them too because just like the rest, he's whipped for Yeonjun too. What he envies though was that Yeonjun seemed to notice everyone but him.

It's unfair.

Beomgyu repeatedly slaps his palm on the surface of the table to catch his attention, while still nagging at Kai to stop him from glaring at Yeonjun, "Yah! What's with the long faces, really?"

Soobin pouts, lips tugged downwards as he munches his banana, sulking, "Beomgyu, am I ugly?"

Beomgyu narrows his eyes at him, "Why are you asking a question you know the answer of already?"

Soobin gulps his food down before pouting again, "Am I too much?"

Huening Kai turns to look at him pitifully while Beomgyu just sighs and shakes his head, "Yeah."

Soobin winces, throwing a tissue on the younger's direction, "You're supposed to say no, idiot," he rolls his eyes.

"I mean, if you would just stop moping around and step up your game maybe I'd say yes."

It's Huening Kai's turn to hit Beomgyu on the arm as he snickers, "Why should he? He already did his best. It's Yeonjun hyung who's missing on something if he'll keep this shit up and ignore Soobin, it's not like Soobin would forever chase him."

"No, listen little fucker," Beomgyu turns his body towards Kai who's sitting beside him and points at him using his index finger, "Yeonjun hyung might've been thinking Soobin hyung is weird for all the times he did all those stupid things you know, that's why he's avoiding him. Not everyone approaches him like that, even I, is surprised at times too. Who knows Soobin hyung could do all that!"

"He's just doing all those to make Yeonjun notice him! Not everyone expected Soobin hyung to do all those and you know what that meant? It means Soobin hyung actually makes effort to go outside his comfort zone and go the extra miles for him! And he doesn't," Kai heaves a breathe in as if to calm himself, "Even appreciates that," he concludes slowly.

Beomgyu was about to retort something to argue back when Soobin slammed his hands on the table to stop them, looking at both of them, annoyed.

"Stop that shit, my head is aching."

Soobin massages his temples before getting the sticky notes in his bag to write something on it, sticking it on the front surface of the juice box and standing up.

He walks towards Yeonjun's table and puts the juice there silently before leaving the cafeteria altogether without looking at his reaction.

Yeonjun follows him with his eyes as he pulls the note, not minding his friends' teasing whoops.

Cheer up, today hyung!

It's raining hard by the time afternoon rolled around, the clouds are dark and Soobin thinks it's adjusting to his mood as he stares up at the sky while sitting on the stairs in front of his building.

He can see several students bravely going through the rain without anything to protect them from the harsh pelting of the raindrops and Soobin salutes them for their courage for risking their paperworks inside their bags to get wet. There are also people taking their time waiting under sheds they found, having zero idea how to go home now that it's raining hard and they have nothing to use to protect them and their requirements and Soobin can seriously relate to them.

"I should've brought an umbrella," he repeats again that day as he reaches out an arm to feel the rain.

He sighs before hugging his knees close to his chest. He wonders if Beomgyu would stay in their shared dorm or if he's going home for the weekends too like Soobin, he wonders if Kai was able to get home safely and snickers when he remembers how he probably just used his hoodie instead of an umbrella because it's dumb and something Huening Kai would really do.

He gets startled when there was a loud thud beside him and when he looks, he was surprised to see that a foldable umbrella was dropped there. He stares up at the one who dropped them before widening his eyes when he saw Yeonjun frowning down at him, his brows scrunched together again.

He's always frowning when it's Soobin. He pouts at the thought.

"Hyung? What are you doing?"

Yeonjun glares at him and kicks the umbrella closer to Soobin, putting his hoodie on before placing his hands in the pockets, "Why didn't you bring an umbrella, you idiot."

Soobin gapes up at him, still sitting on the ground, before averting his eyes towards the umbrella, "No, you should use it. It's yours."

Yeonjun looked more pissed by what he said and Soobin mindlessly clamped his mouth shut when he received another pointed look from the older, "Use that, I don't need it."

Soobin snorts and gets the umbrella to hand it to him, "Stupid, you need it of course. It's raining hard, oh, can't you see?"

Yeonjun ignores his outstretched hand, directing his glare to the rain instead of Soobin looking up at him worriedly, "I said I don't need it, are you deaf?"

This time, Soobin feels a little annoyed. He can't understand Yeonjun, it's literally raining hard, so why would he say he doesn't need the umbrella. Do they really have to argue even for the smallest things like this one?

He gets on his feet and glares at Yeonjun, pressing the umbrella more intently on his chest, "I'm not deaf," he emphasizes and meets Yeonjun's sharp stare, "You said you don't need it but you do, incase you haven't noticed. So go home now and let's stop this argument. I don't like arguing with my crush."

Soobin blinks when the older pushes his hand away harshly causing him to drop the umbrella he was holding, looking down on it before glancing back at Yeonjun who's positively annoyed already (positively is a big fuck joke, he looks scary), "I'm giving you the umbrella for you to use in case your thick head can't comprehend that shit. I don't need an umbrella because I have a strong immune system," he mutters, his eyes dark and challenging.

Soobin gulps, opening his mouth to retort when Yeonjun starts turning his back away from him already and zips his hoodie up, "I talked to auntie and she wants you safe and dry that's why I'm giving you that umbrella," he looks back at Soobin for a while, "Don't misunderstand."

Soobin watches him walk away and run through the rain, his green hoodie starting to look a shade darker because of the falling raindrops.

He looks at the umbrella on the ground and sighs before picking it up.

"He won't even let me assume that he's worried," he grumbles.

Soobin shakes the umbrella dry before folding it and putting it on the basket on their porch as soon as he got home.

"I'm home!" He announces his presence as he gently places his bag on the couch before proceeding to go to the kitchen where he can smell his mother cooking for dinner.

His mother was busy stirring something on the pot, her back turned away from him. Soobin hugs him from the back and kisses his cheek as a greeting.

"Hi, mom."

His mother pats his head before pulling away and facing him, "Oh, you're not wet? You forgot your umbrella so I expected you to come home late, least after the rain stop."

Soobin frowns at her and tilts his head, "Didn't you talk to Yeonjun?"

His mother blinks and gives him a questioning look, "I didn't? No, honey, why?"

Soobin scratches his cheek and his mother gently stops him and pries his fingers away (he somehow couldn't get rid of this habit), "He gave me an umbrella and told me it was because you told him I have to get home safe and dry."

His mother shakes her head and affectionately taps his cheek twice, "He's worried about you then, if he lied to you like that."

Soobin snorts and turns away, preparing to go to his room, "Eh," he makes a face, "That's impossible. He made it clear to me so I wouldn't misunderstand. He's so cruel."

Before he left the kitchen, he heard his mother laughed and yelled after him, "Yeonjun cares about you, hun!"

Soobin snickers before pouting.

He wishes.

He did not think about it again not until his back hit the mattress and his eyes were looking up at the ceiling in muted curiosity.

If his mother didn't really talk to Yeonjun, then why did he lie? Why did Yeonjun have to say that it was a direct command from his mother? That's not even the question Soobin was itching to ask the most.

Why did Yeonjun gave him his umbrella?

He's seriously curious, his conscience wouldn't shut up if he doesn't get an answer. Like, right now.

He sits up on his bed and huffs, looking at the toy telescope placed on his bedside and wonders when was the last time he used it.

He shakes his head before thinking Goddamn it and grabbing it before getting up from his bed.

(He trips when his feet gets stuck on the blanket but anyways.)

He stumbles towards his room's balcony, opening the slide door more loudly than he intents and he winces as he closes it back, silently this time.

He tames his hair and takes a few deep breathes before turning around to face Yeonjun's balcony.

Soobin lets out an ugly scream (loud as fuck, embarrassing too) when Yeonjun's blank face welcomed him, the older standing on his balcony too in his IronMan pajamas (cute shit) and bed hair, his arms crossed on his chest.

He redeems himself before pinching the bridge of his nose and pointing at him, "You," he starts awkwardly, "You're there since a while ago?"

Yeonjun shrugs, "Not long ago," he says dismissively and Soobin was just about to drop that subject altogether when he continues, "Just enough to see you fall on your ass when you tripped. Sometimes, I still can't believe how clumsy you are."

Soobin shuts his eyes tightly, feeling the physical ache Yeonjun's words brought, along with something called shame that settled annoyingly in his guts, "Now, don't bring that up," he pouts.

Soobin have long legs, long arms, long limbs. It's not his fault the gravity is extra intent on making him bond more on the ground than the rest of the population.

Yeonjun shakes his head and is just about to go inside his room when Soobin yells after him, "No, wait, hyung!"

Yeonjun looks at him over his shoulders with a raise of a brow, "What?"

Soobin purses his lips and looks at him dead on the eyes, "You lied," he bows his head down, "Why?"

Yeonjun averts his eyes and clears his throat, not answering him right away, it's okay though, Soobin always waits for him. He will always wait for him.

"I didn't."

Soobin opens his mouth, "But you didn't really talk to my mom--"

Yeonjun cuts his sentence off with a dismissive shrug of his shoulders, "I didn't lie about my immune system."

Soobin watches him leave and enter his room without another word, watching him put the lights off and tuck himself to bed through the glass sliding door.

Soobin digs his feet on the ground. Yeonjun didn't even let him ask about that one question.

"Goodnight, hyung," he whispers to no one in particular.

Turned out, Yeonjun lied even about his immune system.

Soobin learns that one Sunday morning when Yeonjun's mother came to their house to get something from them. Soobin was peacefully watching in the living room, chilling since today's his rest day from the constant stress the university seemed intent on giving him to watch him suffer.

Actually, today's more on a cheat day than rest day because there was a bugging thought at the back of his mind that sounds alot like what his piled papers would sound if they have voices. He scratches his neck at the reminder of his unfinished requirements, cases and Taxation he haven't finished reading and he wonders why on the living fucking hell did he decide to take Legal Management when that shit gives him headaches every damn time.

He groans and tips his head back to the head rest, munching his ice cream slowly as the television in front of him plays in the background of his dazed mind, Primal Fear (a law-related movie) still playing while he's not paying any attention. He just blankly stares at the ceiling, having an existential crisis as he drowns himself with his on-going worries.

That's when voices start to seep through his sleep deprived mind and suddenly, he finds himself focusing on those voices instead of what's in front of him. It made him jump in his seat and turn the volume down as he extends his neck to hear his mother talk with Yeonjun's in the kitchen.

He strained his ear to hear them and instantly stopped when he heard his mother-in-law (read: Yeonjun's mother, he's just delusional as fuck) said something about Yeonjun being sick. Soobin gasps and scrambles to get to his room to change clothes before going straight to the door and yelling to his mother, "Mom! I'm going out for a while!"

He was just about to barge into Yeonjun's house before he halts midway and palms his forehead, "Medicines, right."

He changes direction to go to the nearest convenience store, purchasing necessary medicines and patches before going back to their block and stopping in front of the Chois gate to ring the doorbell.

Taehyung, Yeonjun's cousin on his mother's side (the Kims) was the one who opens the gate and lets him in, greeting him warmly (by warmly he meant Taehyung pulling him in a head lock and ruffling his hair aggressively until it's full-on tangled which Soobin's sure he does purposely to annoy him) and pulling him inside the house.

Soobin chokes and repeatedly hits the older on his back to let him go and when he did, he kicked Taehyung on the shin, "Why the fuck are you here, hyung?!"

Taehyung snickers, "Wow, nice to see you too, Soobin."

Soobin only rolls his eyes, "Yeonjun hyung is sick?" He asks.

Taehyung hummed, "Yeah!"

Leaving Soobin in the living room to go to the kitchen and came back to offer Soobin a glass full of ice.

"What's this?" Soobin accepts it.

"Water," Taehyung shrugs.

"It's ice."

"Yeah, wait for it to melt."

Soobin inhales a heavy breathe in and shuts his eyes to calm himself, opening them again to glare at Taehyung, "Wow, you're still so annoying, hyung."

"I'm glad to know my special skill hasn't rusted."

Soobin only snickers before putting the glass down and turning away to go upstairs where Yeonjun's room is.

"Is he asleep?"

Taehyung follows him, "Nope, he just kicked me out of the room when I checked on him, he's stubborn but he's fine, he's just sick and in denial of it and won't eat anything we give him."

Soobin fights a smile and claps Taehyung on the shoulder before stopping in front of Yeonjun's room door, "Okay, I'll take care of him, hyung. You know what he's like when he's sick."

"Yah! Who said I did that to protect you?!" Yeonjun screeches.

Taehyung looks back and forth at the two of them, still awkwardly hunched on Yeonjun's bed side table as he gets mildly torned between stopping them and just watching them.

"They're like cat and dog," Taehyung shakes his head and is about to head out as the two continues to bicker childishly when Yeonjun suddenly throws a slipper at his direction that hits his back accurately.

"Hyung, get him out too," Yeonjun commands, pointing at Soobin with a raise of thumb.

Shaking his head, Soobin glares at him frustratedly, "What did I ever do to you?!"

"Yah! Choi Soobin!"

"Yah, Choi Yeonjun! Why do you hate me so much you have to kick me out when all I really came here for is to take care of you and -"

"You look too good in those jeans so I need you to get out of my sight right now. Get out."

And pin drop silence.

The longest pause in the history of long pauses situates itself cozily in Yeonjun's tiny room. Every single person in the room holds their breathes. Including Taehyung who looks between them amusedly.

Soobin's breathe hitches and he opens and closes his lips several times but words fail him as he watches realization dawns in Yeonjun's face, his ears slowly burning red (not because of his fever this time) and eyes averting everywhere Soobin isn't.

"Wow," Taehyung breaks the silence and points at both of them, "The sexual tension right here is so thick, damn."

Soobin bites his lips, giving up on trying to formulate a proper response as he feels his cheeks blazed. He tries hard to tone down his blush, gulping hard.

Yeonjun is obviously floundering too, failing to figure out a way to take back his words.

In the end, Yeonjun inhales shakily and says, "Get out."

Soobin purses his lips while Taehyung bursts laughing.

"Get out! Both of you!"

It's safe to say that Soobin had no idea what just happened as he stares baffledly at Yeonjun's closed door.

Taehyung, who's behind him, pats his back gingerly, "Your boyfriend quite has a temper."

Soobin blushes hard again and sputters, smacking the older hard on his biceps, "He's not my boyfriend hyung!"

Taehyung rolls his eyes and walks away, waving his hands dismissively in the air.

"You two air heads, what am I gonna do with both of you."

"I have two hypotheses," Beomgyu starts.

Soobin, from where he was hunched on his bed (in their shared dorm room) looks at his direction and miserably utters, "Okay?"

Huening Kai, who's watching cartoons in the living room (which, to be honest, is just a few steps away from where their beds are) barely gives them an ounce of attention, Beomgyu beside him on the sofa, munching a piece of pizza.

"You don't have to believe them."

Soobin buries his face in the mattress again, his response coming off as muffled, "Oykish."

Beomgyu winces at him when he sees him stomping his feet childishly on the bed and proceeds on approaching the older, sitting beside him on the bed as he pulls Soobin in a proper, upright position.

"Listen."

When he said that, even Kai turned to him slightly.

"Hypothesis number one," he raises his thumb and looks back and forth from Soobin to Kai.

"Yeonjun likes him but ignores Soobin to pretend he doesn't."

Soobin pauses, turning his head to narrow his eyes at Beomgyu momentarily, "I dispute that claim," he dismisses.

Somehow interested, Kai scrutinizes Beomgyu, "And may I know what supports that hypothesis?"

Soobin looks at both of them, "Are we practicing adjudication right now? Will we receive recit for this?" He groans, "Stop, my brain cells are fraying."

Snorting, Beomgyu looks away from him and turns his attention to Kai as if their subject doesn't concern the oldest, "I would like to state two evidences, your honor."

"Go on, go on," Kai urges him, turning the television off and giving them his undivided attention.

Soobin frowns deeply at both of them.

"First, is a demonstrative evidence," Beomgyu states simply, "All the times Yeonjun ignored Soobin were all for an act of denying his feelings for the defendant -"

"Why am I the defendant?!"

"Anyways," Beomgyu clears his throat and throws a glare at him before smiling sweetly again, "For reasons unknown, he refuses to let anyone, even the defendant to know about his feelings yet and have no courage to confess and as I see it, that day Yeonjun gave the defendant an umbrella, he was worried about his welfare and hid it by acting aggressive in offering his umbrella to the defendant."

Kai nods at him, hands interlaced and presses his knuckles to his forehead in deep thought, "The second one?"

Soobin looks at both of them mildly concerned before groaning.

"Second is a testimonial evidence, I would like to ask some things to the defendant," Beomgyu grins.

Kai turns to Soobin pointedly, "Would you permit, defendant?"

Soobin scratches his cheek and gestures dismissively, "Yeah, sure sure, go."

He immediately flinches when both Kai and Beomgyu glares at him and quickly surrenders, but not before groaning to express his utter discomfort about this whole ridiculous roleplay, "I concede, your honor."

Kai grins and nods, satisfied, "Proceed."

Beomgyu fisted his hand and places it in front of Soobin's lips to act like a microphone and Soobin wonders what roleplay exactly were they doing, are they supposed to be lawyers or reporters or what.

"Does Yeonjun ever tells you heart fluttering words that directly translates to flirting cleanly without any hints of presuming?"

Soobin caresses his chin as he looks up, taking the question seriously to ponder, his mind transporting himself back to the day he lost Sean when he was a sophomore.

(It was after classes and there's no much students left in their school, most people already went home. But Soobin stays sometimes for extracurricular activities and programs he occasionally partakes and Yeonjun usually goes home late because of practicing nonstop for his dance showcases so it's normal for them meet at that kind of hour.

What made that situation different though was that Soobin was crying hard, which was a very rare thing for him to do since he hates crying publicly where everyone could see him bawling his eyes out. But this time, he can't help it as crouches down on the floor helplessly.

When Yeonjun passed by him, he expected him to just ignore him, since not talking to the younger would save him the trouble but Soobin flinches violently when Yeonjun suddenly pulls him up from his crouch position and makes him stand up on his two feet.

"What the hell are you crying so loud for," Yeonjun huffs, getting his towel from his sling bag and throwing it on Soobin's face, "You're making my ears hurt."

Soobin glares at him through the curtain of tears and sobs louder, "It's none of your business!"

Right at that moment, Soobin couldn't entirely give a fuck even if his crush was standing in front of him, not really thinking when he runs towards Yeonjun with his arms out and latches onto him, hiding his face into the older's shoulder.

"Dad called me and informed me that Sean hasn't come home."

Yeonjun stood there, his arms glued on his side as he ponders whether to push the younger away but for some reason he can't.

First, the kid's crying.

Second, he's crying and not the fake kind either.

Soobin felt him swallowing before sputtering, "Oh, uhh. Okay. Uhm. It'll be alright?"

"Are you asking me?" Soobin sobs.

Yeonjun clears his throat, still not reciprocating the hug back, "No?"

The older puts his hand reluctantly on Soobin's shoulder and creates enough space to see his swollen brown eyes. Goddamnit. Yeonjun groans.

"What's a Sean?"

Soobin sniffles, "A dog."

Yeonjun touches his nape as he lets ouf a silent ah, "It's just some stupid dog, so anyways... right?"

Frowning, Soobin's lips start to wobble, "He's my dog, you dumbass! He's my best friend and not just some stupid dog!"

Yeonjun is so fucking terrible to consoling someone.

"Okay! I didn't mean it," he tries to retract his words, "He's not just a dog, okay. He's... he's a friend and --"

"You're so bad at this!" Soobin hits him on the chest.

Yeonjun must've been startled because he yelled at Soobin, a bit louder than he, himself, anticipated, "Hey!"

Soobin freezes, suprised by the suddenness of it all, eyes slowly widening.

Before he can say anything, really, Yeonjun beats him to it. He reaches out and grabs Soobin by the hand and didn't even let him have a chance to comment on it, "Shut up now and yes, I'm holding your ugly hands! Just fucking come with me."

Soobin wipes his face with the towel Yeonjun threw at him earlier, "Where are we going?"

"We're going to look for Sean, idiot.")

Does that count as flirting? Soobin shrugs before nodding, "Yeah, yeah, I think?"

Beomgyu frowns at his uncertain answer and lightly smacks his arm, "You're not sure?"

Soobin hits him back, "I'm sure," he mouths back angrily.

Huening claps to divert their attention, "Was that all, plaintiff?"

Beomgyu shakes his head and turns sharply on Soobin again, "Second question, you said you and Yeonjun used to be childhood best friends, since when did he start ignoring you and do you have any idea why?"

Soobin blows on his bangs before answering Beomgyu reluctantly, "No, I don't have any idea when it started. It just happened. Like poof, one day he just started ignoring me," he shrugs, pouting, "I have zero idea why though."

Beomgyu claps once and Soobin gets surprise, he jumped lightly.

"That's it, your honor."

Kai nods at him once again and clasps his shoulder, "Good point, that's a Corroborating evidence right there."

Beomgyu beams, pushing his hair back as he poses, "Right? I'm so amazing."

Soobin and Huening Kai simultaneously snicker and turn away from him.

Before Beomgyu goes back to the couch to sit beside Kai, Soobin grabs him by the hem of his shirt.

"What's your second hypothesis?"

"Ah, that," Beomgyu pauses and thinks.

"My second hypothesis is that Yeonjun hyung just plainly doesn't like you and doesn't dare reject you directly because of your family relationship."

Soobin nods, letting him go, "Ahh."

Beomgyu ruffles his hair when he saw him frown, "Hypothesis is an assumption, a theory hyung. Don't think about it too much."

It bothers him for a while.

Given, Soobin is genuinely confused. He doesn't know what he's doing too, let's establish this from the get go.

These sort of things just tend to happen on a normal basis when you're a 189 cm accident-prone like Soobin. There's nothing really special about him, maybe except for one. He is great tier impulsive especially when he's driven with false bravery.

He's just like any student in Seoul, threading blindly at the thin string in front of him as he walks forward one step at a time, hoping that in a few more years, he'll reach the edge of the string and finally step out into the cold, hard ground he likes to think as adulthood, hopefully with a degree that proves to be moderately useful and will help kickstart his career. He's not so different from those typical, struggling college students and just like them, he's prone to mishaps. Especially when sleep deprived.

So when he met Yeonjun at the library that one fateful Wednesday afternoon, he jumped blindly and staggers off the string. He falls and he fucks up, did something greatly dishonoring for the lack of better words.

"What are you doing?" Yeonjun asks Soobin when he stands in front of him even though there are far more vacant seats and he really shouldn't be sitting there because it's a 2-persons table (obviously occupied by the older already) but Soobin, ever so dumbly driven with false bravery and instincts, thick faced too, brought Yeonjun's bag that was placed gingerly on the vacant seat in favor of settling there like he was really invited.

(He's not.)

Soobin beams at him, leaning in to the older to look at him closely, a hand covering his lips on the side as he whispers, "Don't be awkward with me, I'll just pretend I did not hear you say that I look good in my jeans to the point you want me out of your sight, it's okay so don't avoid me," Soobin says, all in one breath.

He can't let shame crack his bubble of courage. He's not ready to get pulled in a gaping hole of embarrassment he, himself, dug. That shit is scary.

And totally unnecessary.

Right now, he just have to make use of this opportunity.

Yeonjun touches his nape, bowing his head down, "Ah, that," he glares at Soobin, "Don't take that seriously, you know, I tend to joke around."

He nods and grins again, "Okay!"

Yeonjun squints his eyes at him, "Why did you sit here? Go away."

"Ey," Soobin bumps his shoulder with his playfully, "I'm here to ask you something."

Yeonjun ignores him.

He bumps him by the shoulder again, harder this time and flashes a smile when Yeonjun glares.

"You're wasting my time."

Soobin winces dismissively at his short replies, slapping his hand lightly on the table as he leans back and crosses his arms, narrowing his eyes at Yeonjun when he raises a brow, "Why are you so mean."

"I'm not-- woah," Yeonjun flinches when Soobin leans close again, bringing his forearm to rest on the surface of the table and the other on the back of Yeonjun's chair as he scans him.

Since when did Choi Yeonjun became a man of few words? Oh, wait, did Soobin just made him tongue-tied? Was he shy? Why would he by shy though? It's just Soobin. Or maybe it's exactly because he's Soobin. Was Yeonjun flustered? Soobin gasps, backing his face away a little (he adamantly ignores Yeonjun's sigh), tilting his head as he looks back at the older curiously. Maybe, Yeonjun does like him and just ignores him so Soobin wouldn't know he's been crushing on him?

Is hypothesis number one right?

Soobin gasps again and Yeonjun looks positively alarmed as he musters Soobin in front of him, looking at him weirdly, "Uhm?"

"Do you like me?"

Yeonjun sighs, rolling his eyes. And then.

Pause.

Soobin snickers when he hears a crack from the way Yeonjun suddenly turned his head to second glance at him when he realizes Soobin's question, looking back at him again with wide eyes and parted lips this time as he raises his hands in front of Soobin as if he have to physically defend himself, "What the fuck?"

Soobin gasps, yet again, inching his seat closer to the older, glaring at him when Yeonjun flinches and backs his seat away as instinct, "What reaction is that? Am I correct? Do you really like me?"

"What are you saying? Are you high on something or what?" Yeonjun leans his face away when Soobin inches his, closer again.

"Why? Isn't that the case?"

Soobin frowns when Yeonjun croaks a dainty, "No, what the fuck."

He's just about to open his mouth to say something when Yeonjun's seat made a louch screeching sound when he abruptly stands up, looking down weirdly at Soobin and he midly looks freaked out when he asks, "Why are you asking nonsense questions? Are you one the members of my FC now?!"

Soobin tilts his head and looks up, brows furrowing as he speaks, "What's FC?"

Yeonjun's forehead creased and he takes a step farther as he seizes Soobin sitting in front of him, innocently flashing him questioning looks, "Are you fucking serious?"

"Stop cursing," the younger huffs and stands up too, other students start to throw them nasty looks when Soobin's chair made a loud noise too when he stood up, "And yes, I'm serious, tell me what's a FC?"

Yeonjun hesitates, clearly wondering if he should answer Soobin or not.

In the end, he starts, "FC is," and gets cut off when several books diligently piled on his table got knocked out when Soobin's elbow hits them when he's about to step closer to the older, thus creating a loud noise that reverberated all throughout the library and people's heads turn to them annoyingly to discern who may be the loving dumbass could be so cocksure to cause a scene in library in all places.

Both Soobin and Yeonjun simultaneously gasped, wide-eyed.

And sure enough, the librarian kicked them out and Soobin makes sure not to replay the scene ever again as shame starts to hit him, punching him straight on the face with a severe force of 687 pounds, enough to break a concrete slab.

Yeonjun seems too shock to say anything else too, still staring wide eyed at the closed door in front of him that has "Library" sign that mocks him on the face.

Soobin bites his lips, shutting his eyes tightly, trying to rationalize his thoughts before shame could take away his ability to speak about the matter altogether. He flounders for what to say before chocking a pained, "Sorry?"

Yeonjun averts his wide eyes to him, mouth opening and closing as if to say something before he visibly gives up, his shoulders going lax and eyes rolling hard, Soobin thinks he should be worried. Yeonjun glares at him for a while before huffing and walking away.

Soobin bites his nails.

"I can't believe you."

Soobin have this strong urge to shove Beomgyu out of their dorm and get him out of his sight even for one night, "You don't always believe me."

"It's your fault, you're not believable enough."

Soobin badly wants to retort something but he doesn't really want fuel the fire of sass burning bright in Beomgyu so he shuts his eyes tightly and evens out his breathing to calm himself because if he doesn't, he might actually throw Beomgyu out of this room.

When Huening Kai entered and flopped himself beside Soobin on his bed while munching gummy bears, he frowns at both of them, "What's with Soobin hyung's ugly face?" He asks as he points flippantly at Soobin's face with his sugar-coated finger.

Soobin hits him with a pillow because he can't really let these bastards disrespect him in the most blatant way, "Fucking gross, Hyuka."

"Tell him what you told me," Beomgyu orders him and Soobin really considered throwing him out before deciding that he doesn't really want to move his ass, sighing out loud.

"I think Yeonjun really likes me," he starts, smile forming on his lips shyly and tugs at the hem of his shirt as he ignores Beomgyu's delusional remark, "We talked at the library earlier and I asked him if he likes me because it seems like he really does and then he suddenly asked if I'm part of his FC in which I couldn't entirely give a fuck because what even is FC in the first place and then I kinda made a mess and," he pauses, "Wegotkickedout."

Kai lets out an ugly snort and laughs at his face, "It's dumb and something you would certainly do but aha, you're kidding on the first part."

Soobin sighs exasperatedly again (he does that a lot given the things he goes through when he's with these two) before face palming, "I'm seriously offended to know that you think so lowly of me."

"No, I am offended that you only realized that now when we've been showing it since the start," Beomgyu replies, rolling his eyes.

Soobin only sighs again. He have to understand that these kids are still going through puberty and they don't know much about life yet. He's an adult and he should understand them to the best of his abilities. He shouldn't be affected by their hormone-induced words and stay. Fucking. Calm.

Easy.

"Listen," he huffs.

They are listening and Soobin realizes that he doesn't really have anything to say so clamped his mouth shut. He doesn't even quite know what he's trying to convice his friends of. He, himself, is having trouble convincing himself of anything that happened. Period. And that's probably the best place to start.

"I didn't expect it too," he starts calmly, "I just went along with it and approached him without thinking."

"You don't think all the time," Kai supplies helpfully and Soobin flashes him a sweet smile.

"Anyways, I might've traumatized him or something and now I'm freaking out because what if he decides to avoid me for good--"

"That's given," Beomgyu rolls his eyes.

"--Don't jinx it!" Soobin glares at him, "I think I should start praying or maybe, I should go visit temples tomorrow to beg the heavens to spare me and help me avoid that from happening because he can't do that! Now how are we going to continue our lovestory if he avoids me? Huh? What about our future?"

"Hold on," Beomgyu looks at him solemly. He folds his hands together, pressing his index fingers against his lips contemplatively, "Go over everything that happened once again because if I recall clearly, you assumed he likes you when he didn't even respond to the second," Beomgyu smiles sweetly at him, "And the third," he punctate his words with his lips in a thin line, "And the fourth time you confessed to him. I'm just having trouble processing it."

It's much too late for this sort of nonsense (atleast that's what his mind says) Soobin can't even tell if this is reality or if this is an extended dream of what he had last night when Yeonjun asked him to be his boyfriend and gave him flowers.

Hope really has its way of manifesting even in the most random shit ever.

"You're going to make me repeat all that?" Soobin frowns and he's starting think that this is their way to annoy him because it's working unquestionably. He tipped his head back to stare at their ceiling, looking at it in muted agony.

He sits upright again when he realizes, "And yah! You were the one who suddenly came up with dumb hypothesis!"

Kai snorts and pats Soobin's shoulder gingerly, "Uh, you know what. I think we should stop talking about this. He humiliated himself enough already," he says, in what Soobin would like to think is for his defense, "Let's try to salvage the little amount of pride he has left, shockingly enough that there's still any to be honest. Let's not crush it into even smaller, more microscopic particle of dusts. That would contribute to pollution."

Soobin needs new set of friends.

He massages his temple as Beomgyu cackles at what Kai said and he muttered a silent, "Just drop it, please."

"Only because you asked so nicely."

Soobin would like to take part on their university's anti-bullying campaign.

There are two things Soobin is hundred percent sure. It's that Yeonjun is avoiding him. Second is that he's avoiding him and not just like the usual either.

Yeonjun is avoiding him. There could only be two explanations too. One, he's annoyed of Soobin and doesn't want to deal with him anymore. Sucks though, Soobin feels like he got ghosted.

Second is that, he's guilty. That maybe, Soobin is right. Yeonjun does like him.

He shakes his head and scratches his cheek. That's probably Soobin's subconscious talking.

He sighs and looks up at the sky, pouting as he checks his watch and sees it's early 8:30 in the morning and he wonders when would Yeonjun get here.

The bus is scheduled to arrive in ten minutes.

He sighs and looks down at the ground, swaying his feet slowly to pass time.

It's a chilly morning and he vaguely remembers that today is the start of winter. He's wearing three layered clothes but he still feels cold seeping through the cashmeres. He shivers in his seat.

"Are you stupid? It's negative degrees, why are you out here?"

Soobin immediately looks up, a grin growing on his lips as Yeonjun sits beside him, his hands tucked in his coat's pockets.

"I'm waiting for you," he excitedly tells him, his hands cupping his cheeks to feel some warmth since he's blushing again.

Yeonjun have that kind of effect on him. It's convenient at times.

Frowning, the older looks at him, "Idiot."

Soobin side eyes him and glares, "Who are you calling idiot," he grumbles and rubs his hands together to warm them again.

Yeonjun flicks his forehead, "You!"

Soobin groans and swats his hand, "Why do you always say things that contradict your actions?!"

Grumbling, the older inches away, "False."

"Hyung," Soobin leans close again, propping his body on Yeonjun's side, his face peaking at the older's, "Are you avoiding me?"

When the older opts not to answer, Soobin pouts, "If you don't answer, I'm just gonna assume I'm right. That you really like me."

Pause.

Soobin waits for Yeonjun to say anything, to tell him no, dream on or that what he said isn't true, anything to contradict him, really but Yeonjun remained silent.

Soobin gasps, hand reaching to cover his mouth, "You--?!"

Yeonjun turns to him lazily and raises a brow.

"Hyung? You like me?"

The older pushes Soobin's worn cap lower, snickering before standing up when the bus arrived just seconds ago, "Dumbass."

Soobin pouts, stomping his feet childishly before standing up to follow the older.

He greeted the driver brightly and beeped his bus card before rushing to sit beside the older. Yeonjun ignores him and shuts his eyes to take a nap but the younger continues to nag at him.

"By the way, what's a FC again?"

Yeonjun groans, tipping his head back, annoyed, before directing a glare at Soobin, who flashes a smile innocently at him, "Why are you so annoying?"

Soobin opens his mouth to answer, to retort something back and argue because he's not annoying, he's just being friendly. That's all. But Yeonjun isn't finished yet, he points at Soobin and continues, "And since when did you start wearing eyeglasses?"

Soobin blinks, suprised by the sudden question. He unconsciously brings a hand up to touch the spec he's wearing, "I don't feel like wearing lenses today so."

He pauses, turns at Yeonjun sharply when he realizes something, squinting his eyes to scan him, "Why? Does it affect you? Do I look too good in glasses you want me out of your sight again?" He teases.

Yeonjun clenches his jaw, averting his eyes, "No."

Soobin scrunches his nose and turns away, "Liar."

Silence settles between them and snowflakes start falling, winter has come. Ruelle's I Get to Love You playing on the radio for the rest of the ride.

I get to love you
It's the best thing that I'll ever do.

When Huening Kai invited him to a party, his initial plan was to decline but Huening Kai have ways of making people say yes to him.

It was stupid really, but it works sometimes, it's annoying.

("Soobin, hyung, go to my party."

"No."

"You said you'll make it up to me."

"I have nothing to make up for."

"You're being forgetful these days, I see. Early dementia?"

"Huening Kamal Kai, I won't go."

"Remember when my parents almost kicked me out of my house when you accidentally gave my bank account number to a stranger you met in black market back in middle school?"

"You're getting back at me for that?"

"Yeah, to make it up to me, go to my party."

"That was 6 years ago!"

"Doesn't matter.")

So that's how Soobin found himself getting dressed with a simple ensemble of navy and green plaid long sleeve shirt with blue ripped skinny jeans and complemented the look with a white high top sneaker to go for a maximum style. Taehyun, who Huening Kai assigned as Soobin's bodyguard for tonight (to make sure he comes to his party), even styled his hair to show a little part of his forehead.

When Soobin complained, Taehyun only grumbles, "Yeonjun hyung will be there, you need to look a little less dumb for tonight."

Soobin hits him because that sounded a lot like an insult.

"Beomgyu will be there too," he mumbles.

Taehyun only nods, "I know."

When they arrived into one of those famous Greek frat houses (a high end bar, in truth), someone took Taehyun away. Soobin vaguely recalls her name as Sihyun, she was Kai's friend who's been crushing hard on his friend.

Soobin shakes his head as he enters, a sharp glare of chandelier lights and pungent scent of alcohol and cologne and luxury welcomes him as Soobin enters the house with such desolation barring on his face. He catches a glimpse of beautiful and handsome faces floating through the crowd.

(No one comes close to Yeonjun though.)

Soobin decides, he may not like parties after all. As much as he likes to rub that fact on his friends' faces, he knew that they would be unstoppable. It's not even past six but the high-end house was already buzzing with strident and uneven laughters of different people. A whole multitude of voices and chatter, strange people crowding this haven under the semi buzz of the never-empty bottles of scotch and vodka.

Soobin personally thinks moping around, watching netflix movies and chilling are a lot more enjoyable than being in a room swarmed with annoying people trying to get into his pants, but technically, Huening Kai and him don't have the same concept of enjoyable as he ended up (eventually) getting pulled in a party inflating one's ego.

It's not that Soobin never attended nor received invites before, when he was--just this gorgeous. In fact, just yesterday, he had a junior named Samuel come up to him and invite him to one of his org party but unsurprisingly he declined them. It's not because he hates parties dead on, it was just--like getting used to something petty.

He likes using his time wisely and getting knock out drunk wasn't really the most creative way to spend his precious time. It's a hassle for him, dealing with all this only to have a big fuck hangover and go around, walking like a goddamn zombie. To simply put it, Soobin thinks parties are a waste of time.

And tonight gives an exception to that uncustomary party-decline routine. The lump in his throat always seemed so concrete everytime someone looks at him in surprise, not really expecting to see Soobin there.

He understands Huening Kai though, the reason he probably dragged Soobin in a party full of stranger is to wind him down and Soobin really appreciates the thought because he's been so stressed the past few weeks and the younger must've knew that very well.

Lee Daehwi is the first one who saw him enter the dimly-lit room, the house is actually located in the modern center of Seoul, Gangnam-gu, where a lot of people go for all-nighter events and stuffs. Bars and clubs stand close and clumped together in this area of the city that Soobin wasn't even surprise to see drunkards and hookers roaming the place in this time of night, but it's not even midnight, Soobin supposes they open early.

"Woah, woah! Our president comes to the party! What a fine evening," Daehwi affirms in lieu of a normal greeting when Soobin finally manages to get to the bar (obscenely forced). He slides over half-empty bottles of scotch and vodka as a greet back of some sort and after Chan handed Soobin a glass of what looks like champagne, he took a shot glass and emptied it in one swig, giving everyone an acknowledging nod, "Shut it, Daehwi. Don't freak me out this early of evening," Soobin pouts.

"Kai told me to make you drink as much as possible," Daehwi filled five shot glasses with vodka and pushed them to Soobin's direction, "So, you need more of this."

Soobin groans loudly, the people on their table laughed at his current predicament as he lightly palmed his face, "He wants me to suffer, Daehwi, you know that," he says in a stage-whisper which Daehwi heard anyway.

"You wouldn't suffer if you'll have fun first," Jin, a senior in law department, singsongs and pushes further the glasses on Soobin.

Soobin eyes it with malice as though the glass would empty itself if he continues glaring at it like a fool.

"Anyways, I heard, Yeonjun's here, incase you're wondering, he's in the vicinity somewhere--"

Before Jin could even finish his sentence, Soobin cuts him with a snap, "I'm not looking for him, hyung! Why would I," Soobin knits his brows and kicks him on the shin under the table, "And what the ever loving fuck are you saying I'm wondering? I'm not wondering, I don't care if he's here, really. I don't even..." Soobin gulps, "Care."

Jin snorts and whistles loudly as the music on the background gets louder too and the crowd on the dance floor roared in approval and everything around them gets more chaotic.

"Oh c'mon, Soobin hyung. There's no harm in admitting! Come, I'll bring you to him," Heeseung yells through the voices and music, Soobin even barely heard him.

Soobin rolls his eyes, drinking a few shots of strong martini. "Kid, shut up!" Soobin's practically yelling now beyond the noises around him.

The younger shrugs, opting on grinning at him instead. Before Soobin had the chance to complain, Heeseung drags him towards the crowd with Soobin groaning loudly behind him.

"Fuck my life," Soobin groans, not even trying to fight Heeseung's hold on him when he have all the strength to do so. Whatever.

(It's always easier to give in when it's about Choi Yeonjun.)

"Didn't expect to see you here, Soobin."

When Soobin turns around to discern who the ever loving fuck have the guts to actually say that, he comes face to face with Huang Renjun. At some point, Soobin rolls his eyes and Heeseung lets him go, leaving him to have a conversation with him.

"Excuse me?" Soobin clenches his jaw.

There has always been something nagging (annoyingly) in Soobin whenever he talk to Huang Renjun. It's like a haze. Even just a mere eye contact could make Soobin's blood to boil.

He doesn't particularly hate Renjun, he doesn't (he does actually) he just hates everything about him, (which technically is the same thing, but anyways). He hates how cocky he is. Renjun liked him, asked him out but Soobin turned him down. He never left Soobin alone ever since.

He herds everything bad inside the room, everytime they meet. Soobin has always reminded himself that Huang Renjun is dangerous. Not the maniac, jackleg, perverted kind of dangerous (it's actually quite close), but in some ways still dangerous.

Renjun smirks at him and he cocks his head to the side, "Wanna have fun with me?"

Soobin blinks, looking around to buy time before responding with an excuse to leave this situation, "Uhm," he scratches his cheek, "I'm actually looking for someone, so I'm sorry I can't."

The other snickers and waves him off, getting closer to Soobin's personal space and he can smell the strong reek of alcohol on him and he frowns.

"Spare me a few minutes, will you?" Renjun puts his lips near his ears even when Soobin flinched, "It won't take long."

Soobin sighs, gnawing at his lips before rolling his eyes.

This guy is annoying. Soobin is not some dull-witted and weak person he can lull like that even when tipsy!

He was about to push Renjun away when someone already pulled the guy off of him.

"What--"

When he looks over his shoulder, he widens his eyes when Yeonjun's stern face welcomed him, his jaw clenched and lips pursed tightly.

"Yeonjun hyung," he whispers in shock.

But Yeonjun only gave him a glance before directing a blank look on Renjun, putting himself between him and Soobin.

"What are you doing?" Yeonjun asks, his eyes serious and piercing. Soobin peaks at him curiously and watches how his adams moved when he swallowed hard.

Soobin scans his face, trying to read him. He looks calm, but his stance is tense, almost like he's angry. Soobin tilts his head, why though?

Renjun laughs, raising his hands up in the air in mock surrender, "Oh, look who we have here," he's obviously drunk out of his mind, stumbling a little when he points at Yeonjun, "Fine, fine, go take your pretty boy somewhere else."

Yeonjun's brows furrowed, looking at Renjun intently.

"Take him far," Renjun whispers to him, smirking, "Before someone else take him."

Soobin frowns as he watches Renjun turned and walked away.

Confused at what happened, he turned to the older because he didn't hear what Renjun said to him, about to ask him when Yeonjun suddenly grips him on the wrist and drags him away from the crowd, not giving him a chance to open his mouth to ask.

Yeonjun brings him to the kitchen, there are far lesser people here, occasionally just going there to get a drink.

"What are we doing here?"

Yeonjun doesn't answer him immediately, going to the cupboard and getting a glass to give him silently and when Soobin accepts it, he pours water into it, "Sober up."

Soobin looks down at the glass he's holding, "I'm not that drunk..." He trails off and when he looks back up at the older again, he saw him wincing.

"Fuck," Yeonjun mumbles, "This isn't water, it's soju," he angrily wipes his lips after putting the bottle down (where he directly drank from).

"Are you drunk?"

Yeonjun turns to him, "Are you?"

Soobin blinks, "I had a few shots of strong vodka from Daehwi so yeah, a little bit?"

The older turns away and nods, stumbling and walking towards the door without another word.

"Hyung! Where are you going?"

Soobin follows him when he exits the kitchen, chasing him until Yeonjun stopped on the living room where people are either playing with cards, dancing, talking with each other or making out.

He grabs him by the arm and when Yeonjun turns, he looks at him worriedly.

The older shakes his hold off him, Soobin's hand falling by his side silently. Yeonjun caresses his own lips for a while before leaning close to Soobin, "I'm drunk."

Soobin bites his lips momentarily, feeling the blush creeps up on his face at the proximity, "I know."

Yeonjun looks at his lips a second longer before meeting his eyes again, blinking several times, "Can I use that as an excuse?"

Tilting his head to the side, Soobin asks, "To what?"

"To do this."

Soobin's breathe instantly hitches when Yeonjun leans closer than ever, his breathe fanning his face warmly, noses touching and he pauses for a while, waiting for Soobin to react or push him but when the younger only continues to look at him in utter surprise, Yeonjun laps his lips with Soobin's.

Everything escalated quickly and there's nothing Soobin can do, really, but to give in (it's always easier when it's Yeonjun) and lets his tipsiness take controls because the next minute, he was pinning Yeonjun on the wall, and lips molding over crevices and breathes hitching, and hands curling and really, hearts beating way too fast and that everything suddenly feels suffocating.

There's a whole list of practical things Soobin could have done but apparently, in the moment the most sensible thing to do was to smash his lips with Yeonjun's. Soobin just dives forward, crashes their lips in a searing kiss. He's not even sure if he's still breathing, all he can think is their proximity, this kiss, that heat, those lips, his sanity and Yeonjun.

In an instant, his body is pressed tightly against Yeonjun's, the older's hands resting on the small of his back to pull Soobin in closer as if he wants this too, as if it's his way of telling him that he's been waiting for a long time too. Soobin's fingers knot loosely on his hair as he kisses back impatiently--needily. There's no finesse to it, started with just teeth clashing and clumsy until they manages to find the perfect rhythm. It was zealous and heated, like the tension building up between them is starting to crumble. Yeonjun is hot on his tongue, like fire as he parts his lips to let him taste him.

And then Yeonjun is leading them back towards the center. Soobin pushes him down onto a chair and moves to straddle him. His hands are still pulling through the older's hair, fingers raking against the surface of his scalp and Yeonjun lets out a soft growl into his mouth, his hands move to explore Soobin's body, sliding down the expanse of his back to his hips, nails cut short and sharp digging lightly into his soft curves, and then they settle on his ass, squeezing tightly and pulling the younger even closer to him. The friction he causes from pulling Soobin closer to him elicits a moan from the younger that sends a tingle down his spine, pooling in his guts and he mumbles a soft, low fuck against his plush lips.

When Soobin gets caught up in the moment and nips at Yeonjun's lips, he rolls his hips slowly, unwinding Yeonjun down to the last thread because fuck it he's so good at this.

Breathing almost becomes a conscious thought when all Soobin can focus on is Yeonjun's mouth on his own, tongue stroking its way into his mouth. And he sure as hell can't form coherent thoughts when Yeonjun is running his hands beyond the cashmeres and making contacts directly with his heated skin, fingers hovering dangerously close to the hem of his jeans.

When Yeonjun works his fingers further up, the younger freezes as if being rudely woken up from a hazy dream and slowly pulls away. They just look at each other for a second, all disheveled and red. And then Soobin is getting off of him, grabbing his things and rushing towards the exit, leaving no time for Yeonjun to say something about what had just happened.

When he crashes on Taehyun's and Huening Kai's shared dorm room that night, the only explanation he gave them was;

"There's a situation."

"What situation?" Taehyun asked him when he sees Soobin staring miserably on the ceiling as he lays on Kai's bed (since they doubt the youngest would go home, he's still in the party probably) after he drove Beomgyu home.

"Bad situation," he briefly responds.

Taehyun only shakes his head.

Soobin woke up late the next day, hangover chaining him down to the bed, he can't do anything but groan miserably and repeatedly hit his head.

"Don't be dumb, your headache won't go away if you continue hitting yourself like that," Taehyun says, putting a medicine to relieve his hangover and a glass of water on the bed side.

The high-powered migraine count ups itself by the hundreds and Soobin clamps his eyes shut tightly and appears to be in immense pain like trying to swallow an entire unpeeled lemon when Soobin looks at the younger, narrowing his eyes on the glass.

He winces at the reminder of what transpired last night, simultaneously freaking out and blushing as he kicks the comforter and curls up to cry on the comfort of the mattress and wallow deep in regrets as flashes of their k-worded (read:kiss) hit him strong.

Soobin buries his face on the pillow, groaning and sobbing at the same time as he stomps his feet and hands on the mattress to relieve his frustration at the reminder, Taehyun looking at him weirdly.

"What the fuck?!" He yells, curling up more on the bed until his head almost touches his knee, "What the fuck?!" He repeats, just because.

Taehyun simply shakes his head and leaves him alone, muttering he has lost it that Soobin chose to ignore in favor of drowning himself with regret.

"I'm drunk."

"I know."

"Can I use it as an excuse?"

"To what?"

"To do this."

Soobin screams, pulling the comforter to cover his head, muffling his scream on the pillow.

He can't believe what just happened. Was that a dream last night? Did he hallucinate?

Or if not, does Yeonjun like him? Or is he just playing with Soobin's heart? Was he serious? Was he just driven with alcohol-induced courage and lust? Soobin gasps, sitting up right as he touches his lips, blinking.

"Why did he need an excuse?" He whispers.

Soobin pulls his knees to his chest, hugging them close as he rests his chin there, pouting.

"The confidence I get from alcohol is dangerous."

He sighs, collapsing on the bed again to sob.

"Beomgyu, I miss him," Soobin sighs, burying his face into his lap while sitting on the stairs in front of his building.

It's been two straight weeks since he last saw Yeonjun, the older seemed hell bent on avoiding him that Soobin really had a hard time looking for him everywhere. It's like the older knows where and when he would appear so he can hide from Soobin.

He groans, muffling his frustrated screams, his phone between his ear and neck as he listens at Beomgyu's tired sigh, "Why are you two so emotionally constipated, really?"

"I'm not," he whispers, "I gave him space, fine. I don't even understand why I had to be the one to give him space, he was the one who initiated that kiss, huh! Why do I have to be the one who suffer?" Soobin rants, looking up again and glaring at no one particularly as he grips his phone tightly.

"You said he was drunk," Beomgyu says exasperatedly because they've had this conversation for over a hundred times already but he's a good friend so he'll listen to Soobin a hundred times more if needed anyways.

"He was!" Soobin pouts, his other hand playing with the hem of his sweater, "It was an excuse," he whispers.

"What? I didn't hear what you just said, hyung," Beomgyu says through the line.

The older pouts, jutting his chin in, "It's nothing."

"Hyung, really, don't overthink. Yeonjun hyung is just... uhm. Busy, I think he's busy. Right."

Soobin sits upright and gnaws his lips, "Are you convincing yourself or me?"

"Of course, I'm convincing you!" Soobin puts the phone away, wincing when the younger yelled, continuing calmly this time, "Seriously, hyung, don't stress over it. At least your crush didn't gave you a book and literally just friend zoned you."

Soobin can hear the pout in his best friend's voice so he asks, "The book Taehyun gave you?"

"I've been reading this book for so long! It's even a romance book, can you imagine how much I want to mope around because of this shit. Taehyun..." He trails off and repeats, "This is his way of rejecting me, right, hyung?"

Soobin shuts his eyes and massages his temple as he thinks of how to answer Beomgyu so he won't be able to spill that Taehyun has been moping around too because he thought Beomgyu ignored his confession through that book he just literally called shit.

"It's not like that, Beomgyu," he starts, about to continue when someone suddenly grabs his phone and ended the call.

"Yeonjun hyung," Soobin looks up at him wide-eyed, speechless as he watches the older ruffle his hair, clearly annoyed.

When Yeonjun finally looks down at him, his brows scrunched together, he grumbles, "Why are you sitting there, it's dirty."

Soobin clamps his mouth shut. He's been wanting to talk to Yeonjun for the past weeks but now that he's standing in front of Soobin already, all the words left him and the only thing he's able to say was, "I'm sad."

Yeonjun turns to him sharply, scrutinizing him as he tilts his head, "And why?"

Soobin blinks, turning away and busying himself with tying his shoelaces (he blushes harder the longer he stares at Yeonjun), "My crush is avoiding me..." He trails off when Yeonjun sits in front of him and slaps his hands away to tie his laces, himself, "Hyung, what are you doing?"

Yeonjun doesn't answer him, only huffs a response, "And why is he avoiding you?"

Sighing, Soobin raises a brow at him and snickers, "Right, why do you think?!"

Yeonjun pats his ankle once after he finished tying his laces, sitting beside him instead on the ground, "I think that person is a coward."

"What?"

Yeonjun doesn't bother answering him, only shrugs and silently watches other students walk on their way home, clutching their bags as spring starts to come, the air starting to feel humid.

"I'm sad," Soobin repeats, looking down at his worn shoes, laces tied properly and he feels his heart thumping again. Yeonjun's effect on him is really something, huh.

"Because of your crush?"

"Not really," he whispers, "I'm sad it doesn't rain often anymore," Soobin shrugs, turning to flash a smile on the older's direction.

Confused, Yeonjun asks, "Do you love the rain?"

The younger nods enthusiastically, grinning as he replies a bright, "Hm, do you know why I like that someone?"

Yeonjun stares at him intently, his eyes boring at his side as he mumbles, "Why?"

"Because that person has a strong immune system," Soobin smiles, "Whenever it rains, it gives me an excuse to talk to him because he always approaches first when rain comes."

Soobin looks at him again, smiling when he met Yeonjun's eyes, gazing at him with an unreadable look in them.

People said Soobin could get anyone. Sure, he has seen people titter over him, watched them struggle to get his attention, and eventually give up. Observed the whole changing themselves process in order to lure him to like them back and the constant back-and-forth that comes with trying to muster up the courage to confess.

He's seen everything there is to see in people. He just never felt it himself. The interest to make someone notice his existence, and make an effort to it. As a result, the whole crushing on someone like Yeonjun is a whole lot of different thing altogether for him.

Yeonjun is different since the start. The number of times Soobin has confessed, said the words I like you are uncountable. But at this moment, he feels like he could try again. Over a hundred times.

Because it's Yeonjun.

"I like you."

Yeonjun seemed extra surprise to hear that from him right now, freezing before looking at Soobin again with a questioning stare.

"I know."

Soobin has nothing else to say.

His lips quirk up into a smile and nods, "I'm glad."

Whether that kiss meant something to Yeonjun, whether the older likes him or not, Soobin is just glad he knows about his feelings.

It must've been just a drunk mistake for Yeonjun, Soobin thought.

His smile turns bitter.

Soobin's startled when Yeonjun suddenly grips him by the wrist and pulls him up to stand, looking at Yeonjun with a surprise look etched on his face, "Hyung?"

"I have to show you something," Yeonjun says, his face serious and lips pursed determinedly.

Before he could say anything, the older pulls him somewhere, running past the people they come across, past the buildings until they reached their university's garden, the sun has set that makes their surrounding dark, lamp posts are the only thing giving them light.

Yeonjun stops in front of the  water fountain, letting his wrist go to face him.

Soobin's lips parted when Yeonjun takes a step backwards, getting wet when water splashes out from the holes on the ground.

"I can't will the rain to come today," Yeonjun starts, "So I'll just bring you here."

Soobin takes a step forward, breathe hitching when Yeonjun continues to speak even when he's getting completely wet, "So don't be sad now."

Soobin gulps, taking a step more, then two more, until he's standing directly in front of Yeonjun already, fountain of water splashing out that wets them both but neither of them breaks the eye contact.

He opens his mouth to speak, to say anything. Anything. But Yeonjun beats him to it, he cups Soobin's nape and draws him close, breathing his next words on Soobin's lips, "I like you too."

Soobin opens his mouth to speak, but Yeonjun isn't done talking yet.

"I like you since the start," he heaves out a long exhale, "But I'm a coward. Remember that night I fetched you on our school? I got scared by what you said. That all the times you confessed weren't really sincere. That you're only feeling challenged by me and only wants to get back. I tried hard to convince myself that I'm not attracted to you, that Choi Soobin, I wasn't the right guy for you. But when Renjun," Yeonjun pauses.

"When that fucker got near you, I felt crazy. And mad. And so fucking jealous. Because why can he make a move to you and I can't? And what he said that night, it pushed my buttons, Soobin," Yeonjun licks his lips and tips his head down before gazing back up at him again, "You don't even need a fucking car to drive me crazy."

Soobin gulps, frozen at his spot as Yeonjun's words register in his mind in slow waves, he's having a hard time absorbing them when the only thought running in his mind right now was Is this really happening?

"You make me worry all the time, when you're sick, when you're sad. And I'm not usually someone to stuck up on one person's attention but I like it so much whenever I feel your eyes on me when I'm not looking. I could have everyone's eyes on me but in the end," Soobin covers his face as he sobs, Yeonjun brushing his bangs gently to the side, "Your eyes are the only ones that matter."

Yeonjun slowly pries his hands off his face, replacing them with his own, "I'm not going to hold back now because Choi Soobin, I like you and I mean it."

He feels the air getting knocked out of him when Yeonjun kisses him properly, gentler this time than the one they had back in the party. Yeonjun kisses him sober and Soobin can't seem to move. He feels his eyes tearing so he shuts them close, moving his lips gently against the older's, carefully at first as if to test the waters, until his hands find Yeonjun's collar and he slowly grips them tight as if this moment would end if he lets it go, if he lets Yeonjun go.

When air no longer flows, they both slowly pulled away. They're both panting, not the breathless you get after a marathon, but the lack of air when Soobin opens his eyes and Yeonjun's were the ones that welcomed him. It was breathtaking.

Soobin heaves a breathe in and exhales, "Do you really mean it?"

Warm smile slowly spreads on Yeonjun's lips that erupts into a silent chuckle as caresses the younger's cheeks, "Yeah."

"Really?"

Yeonjun nods again, his one hand trails from his cheek to Soobin's hand on the side, raising it as he looks at Soobin under his wet lashes to kiss each of his knuckles, "I like you, I mean it."

Soobin gasps, biting his lips as he hits Yeonjun hard on the chest with the same hand Yeonjun pecked, "Took you long enough, jerk!"

The older laughs delightedly and they are still getting more wet the longer they stay here on the fountain but Soobin thinks Yeonjun looks so beautiful, smiling wide like that.

When Yeonjun pulls him in a hug, Soobin feels his heart skipped a beat.

It was worth trying once more, again and again for Yeonjun. His feelings no longer unrequited.

Soobin is shivering.

It's raining hard and he completely forgets to bring an umbrella today. It just happened that he was late earlier in the morning, so he rushed to go to his class that even his mother forgot to check his things before she sent him to school.

Soobin scratches his cheek as he thinks of his mother. She's worried about him now, for sure. Soobin never came home late because he hates making her worry. His mother will probably make a fuss once he come home and reprimand him for forgetting to bring an umbrella.

He pouts and counts under his breathe as he waits for time to pass until the rain stop so he could come home already, "One... two... three..."

By the time he reached number nine hundred eighty seven, the rain still hasn't stop, he's already violently shivering. He was all alone, sitting on a shed near their school's gate, cars passing by him every once in a while, splashing water on him as he sits, hunched on a chair.

He's starting to feel scared and paranoid so he puts his feet up and hugs his knees close, burying his face on it as he continues counting, "Nine hundred eighty eight... nine hundred eighty nine... nine hundred ninety..."

Soobin stops when he hears footsteps, getting nearer and nearer and when he looks up, the first thing he sees is a foldable umbrella, the second is Yeonjun.

Soobin scampers and stands up, watching Yeonjun approach as a relieved smile slowly spreads on his face, "Hyung!"

He waves his hands in the air and when the older finally looks at him, he grins.

When Yeonjun got near, the first thing he said was, "Are you stupid? Didn't you hear the news about the storm? Idiot!"

Soobin's grin got replaced with a pout, backing away a little when Yeonjun continues to scold him while glaring at him.

"I didn't know," he whispers.

The older only huffs and pushes the umbrella on him, "Here, use this, let's go home."

Soobin stares at it, accepting it hesitantly when the older shakes it impatiently to urge him to take it.

"Hyung," Soobin mumbles, "What about you?"

"Don't worry about hyung," Yeonjun briefly flashes him a smug smirk, ruffling his hair, "I have a really strong immune system."

Soobin blinks several times, feeling brainless for a second as he mindlessly brings a hand up to touch the area where Yeonjun's hand was seconds ago.

By the time he realizes he's been standing alone in the shed for some minutes now, the older running through the rain ahead of him, he opens the umbrella and yells after him, "Hyung! We can share, wait for me!"

Perhaps that was where it all started.)