Work Text:
"So...what do you think?"
They were in the basement; the tv was in the mute and the only sounds now, after the song was over, were the sounds of his mother's footsteps upstairs, as she walked from the cabinet to the stove while preparing lunch.
They had been doing this for awhile now. Going into the basement every monday after school when everybody else was busy (Donna spending time with her family, Jackie and Kelso being God only knows where and Fez tagging along with them) and just listening to music. Not only listening to it, but analysing it, which Eric never thought he would do.
They invited Hyde to hang out with them at first, but as soon as Buddy put on the album he brought with him that day, he lift up from his chair and went through the door. Apparently Joni Mitchell wasn't in his list of "good rock musicians". "
It's fruity music, man. Who the hell wants to listen to a random white woman sing about a goddamn river? And with the same tune over and over. At least add a guitar solo somewhere, 'cause that shit is boring."
Eric didn't mind tho, he liked it even. He soon found out that Buddy music taste was very different from his and from his friends. Instead of Zeppelin or The Doors he listened to Paul Simon and Janis Ian. He rarely listened to a song solely for the sound ("except for disco" he had said once, which made Eric want to cringe) but instead he listened for the lyrics, which ended up creating a routine between them, where they would present each other with new songs and try to dig a deeper meaning every time.
And Eric craved for this...thing they had all week; although he almost never came up with meanings himself. The way Buddy would create narratives to sentences that somewhat seemed simple to him made Eric feel warmth all over. The quiet tone of his voice and the way he would lower his whole body, moving closer to him, as if his thoughts were a secret that only Eric was allowed to know, made his face heat up and his body go limp where it half layed on the couch. It was such an intimate feeling that Eric didn't even allow himself to think much of it, otherwise he knew he would freak out.
But today it wasn't the case. His day was rough; he hadn't slept well the night before, and his morning was filled with tests and the thought that Red would swoop his ass when he finds out how hard he failed on all of them. So Buddy trying to get him to think wasn't making him feel all sunshines and rainbows. Besides, the song is so painfully obvious that it chocks him that Buddy would try to get philosophical with it.
"There was an affair." He said quite simply.
"And...?" Buddy prompted, seemed quite excited to discuss this particular song. Eric looked at Buddy who was biting down a smile and looking at him intensely, his brown eyes shining, and with that Eric felt his annoyance slightly disappear.
"Hmmm...so his brother had an affair with his wife, and the song is him writing a letter to forgive him."
"Brother?"
"Yeah, isn't that what he says? 'something something my brother something something'..."
"Well yeah, but that's a biblical reference not necessarily..."
Alright, Eric thought and rolled his eyes, his annoyance coming back full force. He really isn't in the mood right now.
But Buddy saw him roll his eyes, and a look of confusion and hurt crossed his own, cutting his sentence short. Eric immediately kicked himself mentally, feeling bad for his friend. They barely saw each other during the week except for a few minutes during recess, and monday's afternoons were the only moments they got together.
It's just that Eric head was really *really* hurting right now.
"Are you feeling well, Eric?" Buddy asked. "I can go if you want..."
Eric thought about it a little bit, which he wished he hadn't because he knew what it made it look like."No, I want you here. It's just...I have a bit of a headache right now, i don't think I'll be able to think much. It's a beautiful song tho." He added quickly, tho he barely remembers it.
Buddy seemed to relax a little bit at that, but now he looked at him with worry. "You know we can do this next monday, i think you should rest."
"No..." Eric said slowly with a lamenting tone. "If I wasn't here with you I would be upstairs with Red who would probably be screaming at me for no reason other than he feels like it. Here is much more pleasant." He said, only half joking, a soft smile appearing on his face as he looked at Buddy.
Buddy returned it a little more brightly before turning his face to the TV, that was silently playing an episode of All In The Family.
"So...?" Eric said after a few minutes of silence.
"So..." Buddy responded, his eyes glued on the TV.
"What is your theory about the song?" Eric asked.
He felt his headache dissipating and his eyes going back to a normal temperature.
Buddy seemed embarrassed as he said "I don't know if I should say it."
Eric frowned slightly. "Why the hell not?."
"I don't know..." he said, and Eric noticed he was blushing a bit. "It's kind of silly and I think it will make things awkward."
"How so?" Eric said, confusion and curiousity sparking his eyes.
Buddy looked at him for a moment, biting his lips before he turned his body fully at him, propping one knee on the couch. His storytelling position Eric thought, letting his back go further into the couch as he looked at his friend.
The annoyance of before had completely disappeared now and, though his headache was still knocking softly in the back of his skull, threatening to come back full force if bothered, he was feeling way lighter.
"You promise you want feel awkward?"
Eric promptly nodded his head.
"So, yeah the story is about an affair right? But I actually think it goes deeper than the "wife cheats on husband with best friend" mentality! The way the narrator writes the letter seem to me like their relationship is much more deeper. Almost like...they are not only in love with jane, but in love with each other too." He paused a bit, and Eric had to fight the urge to squirm, begging his body to be still and his face to be impassive so he wouldn't brake his promise.
He wasn't homophobic, he really wasn't! It's just...talking about it made him feel a bit uncomfortable. But that's normal right? He was straight as straight could go, it's normal to feel weird hearing about this kind of stuff.
And yet, even if it made him want to look away from Buddy's tanned face, he was still eager to listen to his friend's thoughts.
"Like, he clearly loves his wife, maybe they both do, but than he writes 'if you ever come back here, for Jane or for me'...it's a very interesting thing to say. He is putting himself right next to Jane, making them equal in the eyes of the other man. I always paint a picture when I listen to this song, kind of like watching a movie, y'know?" He asked while looking Eric right in the eye, his voice already quiet and soft, and Eric felt himself relax a little bit on the couch, unable to look away from Buddy's eyes.
They stayed like this for a moment. Eric's body was still a little stiff, and he hoped Buddy hadn't noticed it; but he was listening, and thinking. He was trying to wrap his head around it, trying to imagine the scene; the "movie". He didn't know what two men in love looked like, so it was hard for him to imagine. He never saw it on television nor read it on books. Two men or two women being associated with romance and love was something really hard for him to imagine. Sex maybe...cause' that's basically what everybody thinks of gay people. It's all very sexual, right? But thinking about it made him flustered so he didn't allow himself to dive much into it.
Very abruptly, Buddy stood up. Eric lazily followed his body move through the room til he got to the record player and put the nail back on the track.
The soft guitar sound filled the room and Buddy sat down again; Eric closed his eyes.
The song felt annoying and distant ten minutes ago, but now, as his body started to relax again it sounded quite beautiful, and also very sad.
"It's 4 in the morning the end of December..."
"I feel like the man is a longtime friend of the couple." Buddy said after the first 3 verses. "And he and the narrator had a romantic relationship; not necessarily something that was consumed. Like, I'm not saying they were boyfriend and boyfriend or anything..."
"They were lovers of soul." Eric finished for him, surprising himself and also Buddy by how he said those words and how unbothered he was (or seemed to be) by it.
I guess that I miss you, I guess I forgive you...
"But it could be a woman you know..." Eric said as the song was coming to an end. Buddy looked at him confused as to say 'who?'.
"I mean, the supposed "man" that he is writing to. It never really states it's pronouns other than the "my brother, my killer" line...and as you said it's a biblical reference and not necessarily ABOUT a brother or a man even!"
He honestly didn't know where he was coming from; as he was talking it was as if the words flew through his mouth before even passing through his brain. He carefully got into a sitting position, mirroring Buddy's pose as they sat face to face in the couch.
"So the woman is as lesbian?" Buddy asked calmly, but yet sounding slightly confused.
"Maybe, I don't know, maybe not that, I mean..." Eric scratched his head, trying to arrange his thoughts "I mean, how do you explain the line where he thanks the other person from 'taking the trouble off her eyes'? Like...WHAT trouble is that? Maybe Jane was questioning things; questioning herself. Maybe she felt things that her brain couldn't explain-" His eyes flicked, looking at Buddy's lips and then again to his eyes. "Maybe the other woman helped her like that, to see...feel, another...kind of...love."
His voice grew quiet as his babbling came to an end and his brain catched up to what he was saying.
He could question how he could possibly understand that, how he came up with that with no real reference. But he just lowered his eyes to his lap and waited in silence.
Another song had gone by but his brain was still on the first one. He snicked a look at Buddy, who was sitting still, looking at him curiously, as if trying to figure him out. Eric blushed at that, but allowed himself to sat straighter, looking at the other boy fully in the face.
"So...?" He said after awhile, feeling shy out of the sudden, waiting for him to respond.
"...So...?" Was his response, as he opened up a smile. Eric couldn't help but return it through his red cheeks.
"What do you think?" He asked while pushing the other boy's shoulder playfully.
Buddy looked at the ceiling for a few seconds, as if searching for the words, than looked back at him with such a soft expression that Eric felt his breath caught in his throat.
"I think that was lovely." He said with a ghost of a smile on his lips. "I like my version better tho." He said playfully, his smile turning devilish.
Eric felt like squirming again at that, but way less than before, so he simply laughed and threw a pillow at the other boy's face, who catched it and put it on his lap while laughing himself.
From upstairs he heard his mom calling his name.
"I think I should get going." Buddy said while standing up.
"Aren't you staying for lunch?"
"Nah, I really should get going. Maybe next time."
"Alright, then." Eric said awkwardly, shifting the weight of his body from one foot to the other while Buddy put on his caramel jacket before going through the door with a quick 'bye'.
He stood there for a few minutes, looking at the TV before he heard his mother calling his name again.
"I'm coming." He yelled. He looked at the record player and noticed that Buddy's vinyl was still in it. He carefully took it off and put it on the cover, than he just starred at it.
It was all black with big bold white letters occupying most the space. A man's smiling face was on the bottom of it; his hair so dark that it almost disappeared with the background.
"Leonard Cohen Songs of Love and Hate."
He could return it later
He thought as he put it under his arm and went up the stairs, planning on going straight to his room and listening to the song over and over as soon as lunch was over.