Archive of Our Own

“Do I really need to be here?” asked Taehyung, pulling at the sleeves of his improvised zombie costume. The mere prospect of spending the whole evening at the annual Halloween event made him unpleasantly nervous, his palms sweating despite the chill in the air. The festival had always been unbelievably crowded, and he wasn't a fan of big crowds. Or small crowds. Or more than three people in his vicinity really, and even that occasionally seemed too many.

“You’ve asked the same question three times in the last fifteen minutes.” said Jimin, his voice slightly exasperated. The all too familiar expression on his face told Taehyung that he was desperately trying to suppress the urge to roll his eyes.

“Ten minutes.” helpfully corrected Hoseok.

“Three times in the last ten minutes then.” said Jimin. “That’s even worse.”

“It’s what you get when your only response is an eye roll.” retorted Taehyung, taking a quick glance over his shoulder to make sure the path behind him was clear. Walking backwards when surrounded by so many people was not ideal, but it was the only way to continue the conversation with his friends, and their conversation, no matter how unpleasant, was the only thing distracting him from the overbearing amount of people around them.

“Yeah well, I assumed it was rhetorical.” responded Jimin. “You should be grateful. We’ve saved you from a vitamin D deficiency by dragging you out of your room every once in a while.”

“Is that what we’re doing now?” wondered Taehyung, exaggeratedly raising his head to look at the darkening sunless sky.

“No. Right now we’re making sure you won’t end up as one of those cat ladies whose bodies aren’t found until they start to rot.” patiently explained Jimin.

“I prefer dogs.” murmured Taehyung.

“That is beside the point.” Jimin didn’t even attempt to suppress the urge to roll his eyes this time.

“And how exactly is walking around with you guys going to prevent my dog-lady destiny?” wondered Taehyung, ignoring Jimin’s previous remark.

“We’re helping you build up your rusty social skills.” helpfully explained Hoseok. 

“So I’m getting help at improving my social skills from someone whose social skills also suck. Don’t get me wrong, but it sounds like we might come across a few problems.”

“Well that is just rude.” Hoseok tried – and failed – to glare at him. Taehyung covered his mouth with his sleeve and coughed in it, a mostly unsuccessful attempt to hide how desperately he was trying to hold back a snort. There was just something about Hoseok trying to look menacing that always managed to crack him up, and although he wasn’t entirely sure what, he heavily suspected Hoseok looking more like a kicked puppy than actually angry had something to do with. Hoseok narrowed his eyes at him, but before he could either say anything or continue at his pathetic attempts to glare at him, Jimin let out a low chuckle, successfully redirecting his attention.

“Is this about Soojung?” asked Hoseok, not waiting for an answer before confirming; “This is about Soojung.” The only implication he was at all embarrassed was a light shade of red on the tips of his ears.

Jimin cooed and leaned closer to Hoseok, attempting to mess his hair. Hoseok swatted his hand away, sending him a look that Taehyung assumed was supposed to be another glare. Needless to say, it wasn’t actually. “That was… I was tired.” he weakly tried to defend himself.

“Oooohhhh.” responded Jimin “and I’m secretly the pope.” Hoseok gave him another definitely-not-a-glare, and Taehyung had to cover his mouth with his hand to muffle the snort.

“Anyway…” said Hoseok “…how did we get from Taehyung’s miserable social life to my adequate social life?”

“Good question.” Jimin directed his attention back to Taehyung. “Even if our social skills – as you so nicely put it – suck, yours still don’t come anywhere near. And that my friend is a problem.”

Taehyung was going to protest the accusation despite acknowledging it was true, because he couldn’t give in so easily on principle. Unfortunately, his back collided with something hard – and warm - before he could as much as open his mouth, and as a result, he momentarily lost his balance. Once he managed to regain it - with what was probably an embarrassing flailing - and was once again stable on his feet, he turned around, mentally preparing himself to utter an apology to whomever he’d walked into. He didn’t expect that someone would be wearing a black and white mask that could only be described as something out of a nightmare, and it took a while (and a two stumbling steps back) before he realized he was actually looking at a skeleton costume. This was a Halloween festival, duh. He was an idiot.

“Um.” he said intelligently. “Sorry, really sorry. I was not looking where I was going. Well of course not, uh, I was walking backwards and I have no eyes on my back, so I didn’t see you and…” his voice trailed off, and he suddenly felt a strong desire to sink into the ground.

The feeling wasn’t made any better by the stranger’s reaction – the only part of his face Taehyung could actually see were his eyes, but even that was plenty to conclude that he wasn’t particularly impressed.

“He is very sorry.” said Jimin, wrapping his fingers around Taehyung’s wrists and pulling him away while sending an apologetic smile in the stranger’s direction.

They walked in silence for a whole minute before Hoseok finally decided to give his evaluation; “Horrible.” he said.

“Dreadful.” confirmed Jimin.

Taehyung ignored them, too busy praying that he wasn’t going to cross paths with that stranger again.

To his dismay, the universe seemed to have other plans.

It happened around an hour later, after they’d walked a long enough distance that his feet started to hurt, tried pumpkin flavored foods and white wine at the stalls, and went on an abominably orange Ferris wheel.

The festival was a great place for children and adults looking for a relaxing night, but there weren’t that many things most people their age would particularly enjoy doing. Taehyung secretly suspected his friends suggested it purely because they wanted to spent the evening with him, but knew they would never convince him to go somewhere where the majority of people were drunk out of their minds.

There was, however, a hunted house.

“We’re going.” decided Jimin as soon as his eyes landed on the sign.

“We’re not going.” decided Hoseok just as firmly.

“Oh, come on. Why are you always such a sceredy-cat?”

“I’m not, I just don’t like jump scares.”

Taehyung tuned out their bickering, staring at the incredibly well-made costume one of the staff members was wearing instead, while absentmindedly wondering how he could replicate it. He was too distracted to notice the exact moment both of his friends expectantly turned towards him, but once he did, it was easy enough to figure out what they wanted. “Okay, let’s go.” he said, hoping he wasn’t going to regret it.

The entrance to the haunted house was a shabby wooden door decorated with fake spiders and webs, with a huge sign above it that spelled; House of Nightmares. People were let through once every fifteen minutes, but Taehyung, Jimin and Hoseok were spared the waiting due to arriving right before the two employees in witch costumes opened the door.

The haunted house was not particularly big, but – as Taehyung soon found out - it still had more than just one room, and he lost his friends almost immediately. He took a second - a second - to check an impressive antique mirror in the corner, and when he turned around both of them were simply gone. Taking a step towards what he assumed was the exit, he did his best not to panic, and he would have probably succeeded if an employee hadn’t chosen that exact moment to jump out of the darkness, his whole body covered in blood. It was a ghastly sight, and despite clearly expecting something similar to happen, Taehyung responded by violently recoiling, his heart hammering in his chest.

He stumbled two steps back… and stomped onto someone’s foot. Wincing, he quickly moved away and spun around, already opening his mouth to apologize, closing it again as soon as he saw who was his unfortunate victim. The visibility wasn’t particularly good, but he could still recognize the skeleton mask and a pair of very displeased eyes behind it. Yeah. Awkward.

He offered a bitter smile before hastily turning around and almost running in the direction of the exit, his heart trying to escape out of his chest. As soon as he was sure he was out of the stranger’s line of sight, he wiped his clammy hands in his trousers, taking a couple of deep breaths while fighting the strong desire to sink into the ground. Why did these kinds of things always happen to him?

Well, if nothing else, at least it happened inside the haunted house, so he didn’t have to come up with an explanation for his winded state. Jimin took a single glance at him, and reassuringly patted his back, while Hoseok stood at the side, clearly trying to pretend that he wasn’t going to have nightmares about the whole hunting house experience.

“Where to now?” wondered Jimin.

“I don’t know about you, but I need a drink.” responded Hoseok, pointing in the direction of a nearby outside bar.

“Good idea.” said Jimin before he grabbed Hoseok's arm and half dragged him towards the bar. Taehyung slowly followed behind them, knowing he wasn't going to drink, not even to drown the humiliation he was still feeling due to the fiasco with the stranger in the skeleton mask. Why had it have to been the same person twice? If he absolutely needed to make a major fool of himself, couldn’t it at least be in front of different people…? On a second thought, that might have been even worse.

He paused a short distance away from the bar, trying to take up as little space as possible. Unfortunately, it seemed that him not being in the way was approximately as likely as coming across a flying pig. He made a small step backwards to make room for a woman with a stroller, and immediately managed to hit something with his elbow. Considering his action was promptly followed by a quiet splash and a curse, he assumed he hit some sort of a container with some sort of a liquid.

Needles to say, he was terrified at the mere prospect of turning around, but he knew it would only get worse the longer he waited, so he did it anyway, carefully and slowly to make sure he didn’t cause any more damage. What he was met with was a scene out of his nightmare; the stranger in the skeleton costume holding an empty cup of coffee. One that must have been full only a short moment ago, considering there was now a wet brown spot on his chest.

Taehyung felt his eyes go wide as he meet the stranger's very unimpressed look. This was the third time he managed to bump into him – what were the chances?

Apparently, the stranger was having the exact same thoughts, because the very first thing he said was; “Are you following me?”

Taehyung opened his mouth only to realize he had absolutely nothing to say, momentarily closed it and then finally managed to utter an uncertain; “I was just about to ask the same.”

He couldn't see anything other than the stranger's eyes, but he was nevertheless convinced he was frowning. “Why would I be following you?” he wondered, voice giving away his displeasure.

Taehyung swallowed, trying to come up with something to say. “You’re a masochist?” he proposed after a few seconds of silence, trying to stealthily wipe his clammy hands in his jeans.

The stranger gave him a level look, seeming even more unimpressed than a minute before - which was certainly an accomplishment, Taehyung had to say. He wished the ground would open up and swallow him, even more so due to the increasingly unpleasant silence and the fact that he and his rusty social skills had absolutely no idea how to get out of the situation.

Thankfully, the stranger spoke again before Taehyung was forced to come up with something that would have undoubtedly made him feel even more mortified. “Give me your phone number.” he said, his tone not allowing any resistance.

It was not what Taehyung was expecting. Not at all. “Wha… Why?” he barely managed to get out.

The stranger gave him another unimpressed look. “You owe me coffee.” he said in a way Taehyung imagined one would try to explain something simple to a toddler. “Not to mention a compensation for the sustained emotional and physical damage. I’m full of bruises and I can count at least two times I feared for my life in the previous couple of hours.”

Forget the ground opening – Taehyung wished a black hole would wipe out the whole universe. “Sorry.” he more squeaked than said, unable to refuse the smart phone the stranger was pushing in his hands. He momentarily considered giving him a fake number, but then decided against it. He really did owe him coffee, and he would simply die if the stranger tried to call him right now and his phone wouldn't ring.

It turned out to be a good decision, since the stranger did call him immediately after he’d returned the phone. Once he determined the number was real, he simply turned around and walked away, leaving Taehyung to watch after him in a daze, wondering what the hell just happened.

The next morning, he was woken up by an annoying buzzing of his phone. Groaning, he blindly reached towards the nightstand, almost knocking down a half-empty glass of water. He quietly cursed, and then did it again once he actually managed to grab the phone and the light from the screen blinded him. As most mornings, his eyes needed ages to adjust, and he blinked through tears to read the message.

Are you always such a danger hazard around people or am I special?

This is the guy you almost killed yesterday, in case you were wondering.

If there was something in this world that could get through his grogginess and jolt him fully awake in a mere second, this was it. The stranger had been quite determined to get his number, but still… Taehyung hadn’t believed he would actually contact him. Surely, he wouldn’t want to have anything to do with a person who completely destroyed his day? So why…

He bit his lip as he slowly pushed himself into a sitting position. His fingers hovered above the screen as he tried to think of something, anything, to write back. Unsurprisingly, he turned up blank. He was not good at this. He tried to reassure himself by helpfully reminding himself that the real damage had already been done yesterday, when he’d bumped into the stranger twice and then somehow managed to spill coffee all over him. Nothing he wrote now could paint him in any worse light, honestly.

You ’re definitely special

No but srsly, I ’m sorry (again)

He pressed send before he could change his mind, threw his phone on the bed and walked over to the wardrobe to get dressed. He tried to distract himself by focusing on the difficult choice between a white and a blue t-shirt, but predictably, it didn’t work that well. Or at all. If someone needed proof; the phone vibrated while he was still struggling with his jeans, and he immediately stumbled towards the bed to read the message, almost falling on his face in the process.

I think I’ll live. Barely, but still.

Sorry

He quickly finished getting dressed, and as if the person on the other side could somehow tell, he received a new message just as he finished putting on the last sock.

You can stop apologizing now.

Okay

He briefly wondered whether he should add anything else, but ended up deciding against it. The stranger was the one who started this conversation, and the chances he was messaging him randomly were almost nonexistent. He probably wanted something, and Taehyung just had to wait for him to bring it up. 

He slipped the phone into his pocket, and was almost out of the room, his hand already resting on the handle when he changed his mind. He could ask for a name, right? It probably wouldn’t hurt? He fished the phone out of his pocket, and took a deep breath before typing;

Do you have a name?

The reply arrived almost immediately.

Obviously.

Taehyung waited a few more seconds to see whether the stranger was going to elaborate, frowning when he didn’t.

You ’re not going to tell me?

Nope.

Taehyung’s frown deepened, unable to decide if the response was odd or perfectly understandable. On one hand, a first name wouldn’t be of any help at all in identifying the stranger in a city with millions of residents. On the other, he could understand why he would want to keep it to himself regardless, especially considering the horrible first impression Taehyung had made. He probably just wanted a reimbursement for the coffee and then to never have to talk to him again, and honestly, Taehyung couldn’t blame him. Not at all. Still though, if he just wanted coffee, why didn’t he demand it yesterday? Maybe he was in a hurry? But then again, he could just ask for money.

A voice at the back of his head proposed a few considerably darker explanations for his behavior, but Taehyung pointedly ignored it. The stranger probably just forgot it was an option, and Taehyung was the last person who had the right to judge him for that. Not after all the stupid decision he’d made in his life.

But I have a good reason for that.

You ’re worried I might find you and repeat yesterday, just with potentially deadlier consequences?

Ha. Not exactly, but I’m not going to lie - that option concerns me.

You ’re not going to tell me the reason either?

That ’s quite worrying – are you a serial killer or something?

No but seriously, do you at least have a nickname I can use?

Or am I going to have to save your contact under ‘that guy from the festival I almost killed’?

He was probably just going to save his contact under skeleton if the stranger gave him nothing to work with. It was uncreative, but very easy to remember, considering the mask was now deeply connected to the feeling of absolute mortification. Besides, it was only temporary. Once they agreed on the reimbursement, he could delete the number and forget about this whole ordeal.

Or something.

 You can call me J if you really think that ‘that guy from the festival I almost killed’ is too big of a mouthful.

How can I call you?

Taehyung thought for a second, before shrugging his shoulders and giving the stranger his actual name. He didn’t think there was much harm in it - there were hundreds of Taehyungs in Seoul, and there was no way the stranger could clearly remember his face after seeing him altogether three times.

Taehyung

Okay then Taehyung. Nice to meet you.

Two minutes later, Taehyung entered the kitchen. Both Jimin and Hoseok were already there, Jimin sitting at the table with his phone in his hand and Hoseok preparing breakfast behind the counter.

“Slept well?” asked Jimin. The phone appeared to have his undivided attention, and he didn’t as much as glance away from it when he addressed him. Taehyung suspected he knew what had his friend so occupied, and so did Hoseok if the slightly pained expression on his face was any indication.

“Mhm.” hummed Taehyung in reply, opening the fridge and scanning its contents for something edible. He wasn’t particularly surprised when the only things he found were a few cans of beer and some butter. It was Hoseok’s turn to do grocery shopping this week, and he was just as bad at remembering his duties as ever. Taehyung sent him a pointed look over the fridge door, and Hoseok pretended not to notice, his eyes stubbornly fixed on Jimin. Taehyung suppressed a sigh.

Jimin unglued his eyes from the screen for just long enough to notice the look Hoseok was giving him. “What?” he asked, his voice a bit defensive. Hoseok shrugged his shoulders, but didn’t stop staring. 

“What has you so occupied?” asked Taehyung, even though he suspected he knew the answer. Jimin always had a particularly sickening – according to Taehyung and Hoseok at least - expression on his face when he was looking, listening or even thinking about the idol group he had been obsessed with for the past few years. It was incredibly funny to tease him about it, so he and Hoseok participated in that at least once a day.

Despite everything he’d said about it in the past, Taehyung had to admit he understood his infatuation, at least to a certain extent. He couldn't deny BTS were talented, and he certainly enjoyed listening to their music and watching them dance, but he was nowhere near as gone for them as Jimin. He did sneak an occasional picture of Jungkook to his phone here and there, but his reasons for that were entirely different from Jimin’s. He didn’t like thinking about them too much though, and he never said anything to either of his friends. The past was best left in the past.

“Whose pictures are guilty for Jimin’s constant complaining about not having enough space on his phone?” wondered Hoseok, looking at the ceiling as if the answers were hiding there.

“Hey, I do not have that many pictures.” protested Jimin.

“Of course not.” responded Hoseok in a carefully monotone voice.

“Who is it today?” asked Taehyung. The idol group consistent of four members, but Jimin only really thirsted after two of them. According to him the reason for that was; ‘Seokjin and Namjoon are perfect for each other, I would have to be a monster to come in between them.’

“Well, he was obsessing over Yoongi yesterday, so today it’s clearly Jungkook’s turn.” answered Hoseok matter-of-factly as he put the milk back in the fridge. Taehyung wondered whether he should follow his example and prepare himself some cereal, but decided against it almost immediately. Everything they had was way too sugary for his tastes. He’ll just grab something on his way to class.

Instead of getting breakfast he plopped down next to Jimin, leaning closer so he could look at the screen of his phone. “Still not decided who you prefer?” he asked when he noticed his friend was currently staring at the photo of Yoongi and Jungkook standing next to each other, disheveled and sweaty, probably right after a concert. Taehyung tried to avoid looking at Jungkook, but in the end his eyes stopped on him for a few seconds longer than on Yoongi. He swallowed, ignoring the lump in his throat as he teared his gaze away. There were some things it was better not to think about.

Jimin gave him a clearly exaggerated look of hurt. Taehyung was surprised he managed to pry his attention away from the phone for long enough to manage it. “What do you mean prefer? I love both my babies equally.” said Jimin.

“Right.” murmured Taehyung, leaning slightly back and turning his head to share a look with Hoseok. Jimin somehow managed to notice their non-verbal communication, truly quite an accomplishment considering he kept his eyes glued on the screen.

“What? I’m sure there is at least one idol you like.” he said. “And that goes for both of you.”

Taehyung and Hoseok exchanged another look. “I never said there wasn’t.” finally said Taehyung after a few seconds of silence, when it became obvious Hoseok didn't intend to say anything.

“And yet you’re being all judgmental.” said Jimin as he gently bumped his shoulder against Taehyung’s.

“There is a difference between liking something and being obsessed.” politely pointed out Taehyung, standing up and stretching his arms. He had class in an hour, which meant he was going to have to move  if he actually wanted to eat anything before that.

“I am not obsessed.” huffed Jimin.

“Of course not.” said Taehyung in a monotone voice, trying - and probably failing - to imitate Hoseok.

Taehyung couldn’t really remember the time before he met Jeon Jungkook.

Their parents had been next door neighbors even before they were born, and while their families weren’t exactly close friends, they were friendly with each other. Taehyung could still somewhat remember their mothers holding hours long conversations over the fence that separated their properties, and he had vague, barely-there, memories of barbecues in the summer and play dates during the weekends. He knew there had been an occasional sleepover and a few family dinners where he and Jungkook had sat side to side, tuning out the grownups’ conversations.

They had gone to the same daycare, and then to the same school. They had been in the same class, and once they'd been old enough, they’d walked home together, spending most of the afternoons joined at the hip, doing homework or playing in the yard. They had been at all of each other’s birthday parties, and they'd always spent summer vacations together, usually playing in the nook behind their houses where it had been nice and shady. They had been inseparable enough that people had sometimes speculated they were brothers. When they'd got a bit older, they'd spent the weekends at the movies or at the mall, and worked on their homework and studied together after school.

When Taehyung looked back on all the important moments from his childhood and early teenage years, Jungkook was always there.

Until he wasn’t.

His family had moved away when they were 14, and Taehyung hadn’t heard from him since, and not for the lack of trying on his part. He'd sent emails, called, messaged. One time he’d even sent a letter. But he'd never received a reply, and after a while, he had no choice but to come to terms with the possibility that their friendship only ever meant something to him. Looking back, their relationship had been somewhat strained even before that, although he couldn’t really tell why. There had been no obvious fights or disagreements, Jungkook had just… kept him at a distance, and he had done it so masterfully that Taehyung hadn’t even noticed. Not until after he had been completely cut out and had tried to reason with it. 

Sometimes Taehyung played with an idea to try reaching out again, to ask why, to… he didn’t even know what. He always nipped it in the bud before it fully crystallized though, because he knew – he just knew - it wouldn’t end well. He might get away with it if it was a few years earlier and if Jungkook wasn’t… well, famous. Right now, every attempt would probably just seem desperate and insincere. It was better to let it go. It was better to forget.

The stranger didn’t ask for the reimbursement. Or for anything else, really. He just… messaged him. A lot. And usually at very unconventional times, such as 11 in the evening or 5 in the morning. Taehyung was confused about it at first, which was - as he told himself - a very reasonable reaction, especially considering their history. He’d met him after bumping into him twice and then spilling coffee over him, after all. So… why did it actually seem the stranger was trying to get to know him better?

He’d tried asking his friends for an opinion once, but regretted it almost immediately, because they were – surprise, surprise - useless. Hoseok had just suggestively wriggled his eyebrows at him, and Jimin proposed the stranger was gay and interested. So yeah, very very useless.

The mystery of why the stranger was talking to him didn’t stop him from replying, though. He was funny and charming if a little too direct and honest at times, and Taehyung saw no harm in talking to him. He wasn’t sharing his bank information, or his address, or anything the stranger could use to identify him, really, so it was fine. Fine and perfectly safe (his mother might disagree, but she was old).

They talked a little about everything. Music, TV shows they both watched and those they didn’t, books… The stranger’s job, which was apparently very taxing but also rewarding, and Taehyung’s studies, which were very taxing and certainly not rewarding. Weird moments from their every day life. Dogs. Okay, dogs were mostly Taehyung’s fault. He'd seen one that strongly resembled Jimin once, and couldn’t stop himself from snapping a picture. It just so happened that J was right above Jimin in his contact list, and he’d been exhausted enough that day that he’d ended up accidentally sending it to J instead of Jimin. What he'd received in response was a rating of both the dog and his photography skill (dog; 10/10, photography skill; -10/10, which… fair enough). From then on that was just their thing, no matter how cringy.

After a few months of that, it was impossible not to think of J as a friend, a feeling that seemed to be mutual. And really, Taehyung was quite proud of himself for that. He didn’t only make two friends in his twenties. He made three. Hoseok and Jimin could suck it.

The winter was almost over on the evening Jimin somberly sat both him and Hoseok down behind the kitchen table. “I think it’s time we talked.” he said in a serious tone, the corners of his lips twitching and thus more or less giving away that he wasn’t actually serious at all. A strange feeling of foreboding washed over Taehyung, and it only intensified when Hoseok refused to meet his gaze. “I have tickets.” said Jimin. “And I need one of you to make a sacrifice and go with me.”

Hoseok scratched his head, trying - and failing - to seem surprised. “Ah well, here’s the thing.” he said, picking at his nails. “I don’t like loud music.” The way he was talking sounded strangely like he was reading from a script, and that was what fully confirmed Taehyung’s rising suspicion that this was a trap. One he was not getting caught in, thank you very much.

“You always listen to your music with the sound turned all the way up.” he pointed out, giving Hoseok a look that hopefully summarized all of his thoughts on the current situation. To his credit, Hoseok seemed mildly embarrassed, the tips of his ears turning red. Jimin on the other hand…

“You haven’t left your house in almost two months.” he said.

An unfair accusation because; “I go to classes and to work.”

“You go to two classes a week. And then you spend the rest of the day cooped up in your room. You didn’t even want to get coffee with me yesterday.”

“I was busy.” He had been. There had been that dog drawing he’d had to finish. It had been a life or a death situation.

“I haven’t had a proper conversation with you in two weeks.”

“That’s not my fault. My room is right next to yours. You can come talk whenever.”

“Guys, guys.” intercepted Hoseok, holding his hands up in what was probably meant to be a placating gesture, but just looked oddly ridiculous. “Let’s talk about this calmly.”

Taehyung sighed, leaning his back against the wall. He couldn’t deny that he hadn’t been spending as much time with his friends as usual, but in his defense – he now had to divide his attention amongst three people and not only two. And he didn’t have that much energy for social interactions to begin with, so…

Still… a concert was not the way to go. It was loud. It was hot. There was a crowd, which he - as it had already been established - absolutely loathed. People made him nervous. People had got trampled at concerts before. And above all; he harbored an unreasonable fear Jungkook would see him (despite the crowd and bad lighting), recognize him (despite last seeing him 8 years ago), and assume he wanted to rekindle their friendship purely because of his fame. Every separate part of that bordered on impossible and he knew that, but couldn’t help fearing it anyway.

“I’m calm.” said Taehyung. “I’m going to try to be more social, but I’m not going to the concert.” That’s right. Compromise. Compromise was good. Compromise heightened his chances of getting Jimin off his back from 0% to 1%.

“Please.” said Jimin, giving him what could only be described as an angelic smile, his hands clasped together on the table in front of him. “I really need someone to go with me.”

“Don’t you have other friends?”

“No. I have acquaintances.”

“I’m sure one would be happy to go with you. Aren’t tickets for BTS concerts really hard to come by?”

“I don’t want to go with just anyone. I won’t have a good time.”

Taehyung gave him an incredulous look. If that wasn’t hypocritical, he didn’t know what was. “Well, neither will I.” he pointed out.

Jimin had the decency to look mildly embarrassed, giving him a bashful smile and inclining his head in obvious admittance of his mistake. Even so, he obviously wasn’t planning to give up. “Please. I’ll owe you one.” he said.

“You owe me around five by now.” said Taehyung, but he could almost feel his resolve shattering, and he didn’t like it - not even a little bit. He’d always been weak for Jimin’s angelic smiles and puppy eyes, and the bastard knew it and was not afraid to use it against him. He needed better friends, pronto.

“And I’ll owe you one more.” said Jimin, sending him another smile.

Taehyung let out a sigh. “I’ll think about it.” he said. It was as good as a yes, and both he and Jimin knew it. Hoseok knew it, his response to Taehyung’s lack of perseverance a slight shake of his head. The table knew it. The birds outside probably knew it as well. Taehyung let out another sigh.

Jimin’s lips curled into a wide grin. “Thank you!” he exclaimed, his excitement almost palatable.

“I didn’t say yes, I just said…” tried Taehyung, but Jimin wasn’t listening anymore, his eyes glued back on the screen of his phone, lips curled into what was obviously a very happy - and a little smug - smile. Taehyung sighed for the third time.

As soon as he was back in his room with the door closed behind him, he picked up his phone.

My friend is trying to drag me with him to a concert

Throwing himself on the bed, he tried to find a comfortable position lying on his back, while absentmindedly staring at the ceiling. Jimin had said the concert was in a week from now, and he wasn’t entirely sure if he had enough time to mentally prepare himself. Because, well… going to a concert truly required a lot of preparation, and a week was only 7 days long. 

His phone buzzed, and he lazily raised it to his eyes.

Let me guess – you don’t want to go?

Apparently, J knew him well after only a few months of talking.

Am I that predictable?

Hm. Let me think about it…

Yes.

I just don ’t like crowds

I know.

But you still think I should go?

That depends

Do you actually like the artist? Artists?

At that Taehyung had to think for a second. Only a second, because in the end, the answer wasn’t that difficult. He did like the music, he just wasn’t entirely sure if it was because he actually found it good or his brain tricked him into it because of his connection to Jungkook.

I mean I guess I do. I just don ’t know if I like them enough to be putting up with annoying people for the whole evening. I can listen to music at home

I have a feeling you’re missing the point here. It’s not so much about the music as it is about the experience (also supporting artists but that’s beside the point).

Or gawking at hot celebrities.

Are we even talking about hot celebrities here?

My friend is trying to drag me to a concert. Emphasis on my friend. We clearly are talking about hot celebrities

And gawking at celebrities is not my cup of tea. It’s like going shopping without money. I mean, why bother?

How did I fail to make a connection between your friend and hot celebrities?

You’re making him sound perverted.

Not sure everyone would agree with your point of view, but you might be on to something here.

I ’m just realistic – he is perverted

Hm. Whose concert are we talking about exactly?

BTS

In that case I think you should definitely go.

I don ’t think I have much of a choice, honestly

Getting Jimin off my case is practically impossible

Anyway, I didn ’t know you were a fan? Are you a fan?

They had talked about music, but BTS specifically had never came up. Taehyung had never mentioned the group because he didn’t want to be reminded of the whole thing with Jungkook, and J… well, he’d assumed because he either didn’t hear about them yet or didn’t particularly like the music.

I mean, I guess.

Let me know how it’ll go.

Will do

The concert was about as bad as Taehyung had expected. It was hot, and people were packed so tightly together that he couldn’t take more than a step back without accidentally stepping on someone’s toes. On the bright side, at least he and Jimin were far away from the stage and there was absolutely no possibility of Jungkook noticing him, which meant Taehyung could focus on things that actually mattered, such as making sure not to bump into or step on anyone in the vicinity. Oh, and of course avoid looking directly at the big screen above the stage that showcased the idols, because he would be fine – he would be - but only as long as he could pretend he was just another fan who had never actually met Jungkook in person.

It didn’t work, of course. Not at all.

“Are you okay?” asked Jimin when they were waiting on the street corner for their Uber. It was late February, but it was still freezing cold and the ground was slippery. Taehyung, being clumsy as he was, almost introduced his face to the pavement, barely catching himself on Jimin’s shoulders in time.

“I’m fine, I’m fine.” he said, dismissively waving his hand. Jimin gave him a skeptical look, but didn’t push.

Taehyung was not okay. His face was burning, and he felt oddly feverish, his body hot and cold at the same time. His breaths came in quick puffs although he tried to regulate them, and his heart was beating too fast.

He’d made a mistake and looked at the screen, because… of course he had, how could he not. And the moment his eyes had landed on Jungkook… well. It hadn’t been a completely rational decision, but no part of him had actually expected it would affect him quite as much. He’d seen Jungkook’s pictures. He’d watched a few videos. He'd talked about him with Jimin on a semi regular basis. It’d all reminded him of their shared past, of how he clearly hadn’t been enough, yes, but he'd only let it fester for a second or two and then pushed it back down. He had never let it take a hold of him.

Seeing him on that screen and knowing how close he was, almost at the tip of his fingertips, made it feel more real, more present. He couldn’t push it down quite as quickly, and doubts reentered his mind before he could stop them, slowly taking over his thoughts. It wasn’t really purely about Jungkook anymore - it hadn’t been for years - although he’d needed time and effort to realize that. Somehow, he saw his best friend cutting all contact with him as a personal failure. As a sign that he wasn’t and would never be enough. It was the confirmation of what he’d already believed about himself before it had happened, and that made it all the more painful. The truly annoying thing was… he believed he would have no longer associated Jungkook with his darkest fears if he hadn’t constantly been reminded of his existence.

Perhaps that was why he did it. He wasn’t sure, not really. The only thing he knew was that he wasn’t in his right mind. Looking back on it, he probably wanted to prove to himself that he wasn’t the failure he felt he was at the moment, that he was enough. That someone wanted him even if Jungkook didn’t.

He’d locked himself in his room the moment they’d arrived back home, claiming he was tired. Jimin had looked like he wanted to say something, but he’d ended up changing his mind, shaking his head before disappearing in the bathroom.

Taehyung curled into a ball on his bed, and tried not to think. Logically, he knew he shouldn’t be alone right now – his brain forgot what reality was when he got like this, piling on one dark thought after another, all of them at least partly irrational. But Hoseok was already asleep, and Jimin would want to talk about the concert, which was the last thing Taehyung needed. So, he did the next best thing and pulled out his phone.

How ’s your work?

It was late, but even so, Taehyung didn’t doubt J would see the message. By now, it was quite apparent that his schedule was mostly nocturnal. He would send him an occasional message during the day, but usually, they talked in the evenings. Taehyung still wasn’t sure when J slept.

It wasn’t more than a minute later, when his phone buzzed.

Exhausting. But fine.

How is school?

Also exhausting. But not fine. I have so many projects I ’m going to die.

I haven’t slept in two days.

I didn ’t leave my room in a week

He felt a bit guilty about lying, even if it was in a joking manner, but he couldn’t bring himself to mention the concert. Not right now.

Isn’t that a normal occurrence for you?

I hoped you wouldn ’t remember

Touche.

I ’ve been thinking

Should I be worried? Nothing good ever starts with I’ve been thinking…

Rude

I just thought that maybe we should meet?

He hadn’t known he would ask that. Not until he’d already typed the message and pressed send, staring at the screen with odd numbness. He had wanted to meet J again, but the other hadn’t even given him his name, so Taehyung had assumed he probably wouldn’t want to and never tried to ask. If he had been actually capable of rational thought at the moment, he would never have asked now. But as it was, his mind was focused purely on his feelings of inadequacy, and he could not think about anything else when he was trapped in this downward spiral. Nothing really mattered. The only reason he did things at all was because he thought they would make him feel better, the consequences be damned.

He received no reply, waiting for it for 1, 5, 10, 15 minutes before he finally realized it wasn’t coming. J had seen the message, he just didn’t send one back. Taehyung turned off his phone and threw it onto the nightstand, not caring that it knocked over the glass and the water slowly trickled down to the floor.

He felt like the history was repeating itself.

There was no reply waiting for him the next morning, and although he’d expected it, the disappointment was crushing, weighing him down even more. It didn’t help that he hadn’t slept well either. Actually, to be completely honest, he wasn’t entirely sure he’d slept at all. The whole night had felt like a fever dream, the world muted and not quite real. He’d been trapped in the state between wakefulness and dreams for hours, not really crossing over to either.

He let his fingers hover above the screen for a moment, before he typed;

It ’s fine if you don’t

I didn ’t mean

I just thought

It took a while before he finally managed to settle on something, more because the anxiety was already getting to him than because he was genuinely happy with what he wrote.

I ’m sorry

Last night was weird

Please forget I said anything

“What is up with you?” was the first thing Hoseok asked when Taehyung entered the kitchen. His friend was standing behind the counter, putting away the groceries which he'd – surprise, surprise – apparently bought. For once. Taehyung saw him do a double take when he saw him, which was all the confirmation he needed that he probably looked absolutely horrible.

“You look like a zombie.” said Hoseok as he put away the milk, his head momentarily disappearing behind the fridge doors. “So much like a zombie in fact, that you looked considerably less like a zombie in that costume you wore for Halloween.”

“Thanks.” muttered Taehyung dryly. Hoseok quirked his brow, and Taehyung sighed. “I didn’t sleep well.”

“Clearly.” said Hoseok, putting the last box of cereal away before leaning against the counter and giving Taehyung a thoughtful look, one with a pretty clear meaning; ‘I know you’re not telling me everything and you better spill before I make you.’ It didn’t seem to be an empty threat either, and Hoseok could actually be – as Taehyung was finding out – pretty scary when he wasn’t trying to be. Taehyung nervously shifted on his seat and averted his gaze.

For a moment, only for a moment, he contemplated lying. Then he let out a sigh and gave in. He was too tired to fight Hoseok, not to mention his barely functioning brain wasn’t entirely sure why he should in the first place. The reason he hadn’t told his friends about the thing with Jungkook before was pretty simple - he hadn’t wanted to think about it. He'd hoped that all of those dark feeling would go away if he just ignored them. It clearly no longer applied since he was definitely thinking about it now. He couldn’t do anything but think about it in fact, and J not replying to him only made it worse.

“Hypothetically” he started “what would it mean if you were best friends with someone for years and they stopped responding to you?”

Hoseok frowned. It was clear that was not even close to whatever he had been expecting. “You mean like growing apart, or…?” he asked, his voice trailing off.

Taehyung shook his head. “No, I mean like full on ghosting.”

Hoseok’s frown deepened. “Well… I – not an expert on the topic at all – would say they’re either dealing with something or they’re a major asshole.” he paused for a few seconds, scratching the back of his head. “I – again, not an expert - would advise waiting for a while and then trying to contact them again.”

Taehyung rubbed his eyes. They were burning, and the table he was staring at with concentration slightly swayed in front of him. “And what if it happened years ago?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper. People said it helped when you talked about your problems, that the weight was lifted off your shoulders, but Taehyung didn’t feel it. At least not right now. This conversation felt more like walking through a minefield - trying not to get blown up, and fearing what would happen next.

“Did you try contacting them again at any point?” asked Hoseok, clearly done pretending they were talking about a hypothetical situation. It probably couldn’t be any more obvious that this was Taehyung’s personal problem.

Taehyung wasn’t done pretending, though. It was a nice shield you could hide behind, one that made you less nervous about impending doom even when both parties knew it was made out of glass. “It’s a hypothetical problem.”

“Uhuh.” murmured Hoseok, the expression on his face implying Taehyung was lucky he bothered to address the obvious lie at all.

Taehyung sighed. Fine. That was fine. He would let the shield be broken into million tiny pieces, since it truly looked like Hoseok wasn’t going to humor him on this. “Okay fine.” he said. “I had this friend whose family moved away when I was 14, and I haven’t heard from him since.”

Hoseok raised his eyebrow. “And I did try contacting him. Many many times in fact.” quickly added Taehyung, having an unpleasant suspicion Hoseok was about to ask him if he’d tried reaching out at all.

“Are you sure he received your messages.” asked Hoseok.

“Yes.” There was very little doubt, seeing as their mothers still talked occasionally, and Taehyung had asked if Jungkook had changed his phone number or if there had been something wrong with his email address. Needles to say, there hadn’t been.

“Then, I don’t know.” admitted Hoseok, crossing his arms over his chest. “It’s clearly bothering you, so maybe just try again if that’s still an option. Ask what happened or something.”

Taehyung scratched at the chipped paint at the edge of the table. “It’s a bit complicated…” he said.

Hoseok raised his eyebrow. “Complicated how?”

For a moment, Taehyung was tempted to just say it, to just tell him ‘because it’s Jeon Jungkook’, but in the end he couldn’t bring himself to. Hoseok probably wouldn’t believe him anyway. “My efforts to contact him at this point may be misconstrued.” he said. To his defense, that was the least cryptic answer he could come up with without outright telling him the whole truth.

Needless to say, Hoseok was not impressed. “Wow, what a clear answer. I know exactly what you’re talking about.”

Taehyung responded with a faint smile.

Jimin learned about the whole thing a few hours later, after he repeatedly asked him why he had been moping around for the whole morning. Taehyung didn’t want to repeat the conversation he'd had with Hoseok - he was doing his best to distract himself, and although it wasn’t working particularly well, he knew talking about it would only make him feel worse.

It didn’t seem like he had a choice in the matter though, since Jimin gave him constant reminders in the form of asking what was wrong every five minutes. After the tenth - or perhaps twelfth, he didn’t really know anymore – Taehyung finally gave in, and explained the situation in as little words as possible. He told Jimin not to worry, that the only reason he was thinking about it now was probably school related stress, and that it was going to be fine once he managed to write that horrible essay. It was a lie, obviously, but he was prepared to sacrifice his clear conscience for it, since it was possibly also the only way to get Jimin off his back.

Jimin, of course, didn’t buy it, and - what was worse - he looked genuinely upset about the whole thing, telling him his childhood ‘friend’ was an asshole and to forget about him. Thank god that he didn’t follow Hoseok’s example and advise him to reach out to Jungkook, especially as Hoseok still seemed awfully determined that would help. According to him, it was what Taehyung needed to do to get closure or something.

“What brought this on?” asked Jimin, glancing at him over his laptop. He was in the middle of editing the pictures from the concert, something Taehyung only knew because of the combination of a creepy smile on Jimin’s face and a disgusted expression on Hoseok’s.

Taehyung suppressed a sigh as he gave him a look. Hadn’t he just gave him an acceptable excuse earlier? Seriously? “Stress.” he said. “This assignment is kicking my ass.”

“It was the concert, wasn’t it?” asked Jimin, closing his laptop with more force than was probably necessary, and burying his face in his hands. “I knew you didn’t like crowds and I made you go anyway. I’m an awful friend.”

“What?” asked Taehyung, giving Jimin what he hoped was an incredulous look. As it turned out, that was a hard thing to do when you were a shit actor and not really surprised, so it probably came across more like a grimace. Jimin connecting Taehyung’s breakdown with the concert was not unexpected. His friend was incredibly perceptive, and always had been (to Taehyung’s absolute chagrin). “The concert has nothing to do with this. There is no association here.”

Jimin raised his head for just long enough to give him a skeptical look. “Even if that’s true” he said finally, something in his tone implying he didn’t believe it for a second “it certainly didn’t help.”

Taehyung opened his mouth, closed it and then opened it again. He couldn’t deny that, since it would be way too big of a lie to get away with it, so he just helplessly shrugged his shoulders. “I forgive you?”

Jimin let out a sound that was something between a huff and a laugh. “You’re too good for this world.” he said. “Your friend doesn’t deserve you.”

The week passed by in a sort of a daze, brought on by the ever present exhaustion and too much caffeine. He couldn’t sleep at night, and he fretted the moment he would have to close his eyes and try in the evenings, because that was when it began - the spiral of misery as he decided to call it, when one dark thought followed another and it never stopped, no matter how outlandish and unreasonable it got. It was easier to deal with it during the day, because he could distract himself with movies, books, and studying (the assignment was still kicking his ass, now more than ever since staying focused on less than six hours of sleep was very difficult to say the least)… but never music.

He knew it would get better eventually, it always had in the past, but sometimes he had to wonder if he would make it to that point at all.

It was Friday about a week later when his phone suddenly buzzed, surprising him so much that he almost let go of the heavy textbook he was holding in his lap. He glanced at the closed door – he could hear the muffled voices of his friends in the kitchen, so they probably weren’t the ones messaging him and he didn’t know anyone else who could. Which meant…

He tried to push down a small silver of hope as he turned on his phone and slowly opened the message, hands shaking.

It was from J.

Okay, let’s meet.

It was one simple sentence, but it still brought tears to Taehyung’s eyes. He wasn’t sure if they were happy tears or some other type of tears, and he didn’t try to figure it out. It didn’t matter anyway.

You don’t have to if you don’t want to

Chances were J was doing this because he felt pressured, and if that was the case, Taehyung would prefer they didn’t meet after all. He didn’t want to be a thorn in anyone’s side.

I’m sorry I took so long to answer.

I was thinking whether it was a good idea.

Taehyung  blinked before he typed a quick okay. He usually wasn’t the kind of person to send back a single word, but he didn’t know what else to say. J’s response hurt a little, although Taehyung could recognize that was a bit unreasonable. Of course J would have to think about it, they were more or less strangers after all. But… had he had to think about it for the whole week? Had he had to think about it without sending a short message of; I’m thinking about it?’ Was Taehyung truly so difficult to deal with that it was better not to bother and leave him on read for a week instead?

It’s not what you think.

You’ll see.

What was it that Hoseok had said again? ‘…or he's dealing with something.’? It hadn’t been said about this specific situation, but Taehyung guessed it could apply nevertheless. Perhaps J had a good reason for needing a week to think about it? Taehyung should probably give him a chance to explain at least – or show, since apparently Taehyung would see.

Okay…

Now I’m concerned again

Do you swear on your mother’s life you’re not a serial killer?

I’m not a serial killer.

Then why all the secrecy?

Again – you’ll see.

Fine

Where should we meet?

J sent him an address to a restaurant, which… yay, it was a public place, which meant he probably wasn’t a serial killer. Probably (okay, so Taehyung didn’t really believe J had any unsavory motives, but you still had to be careful with strangers). Less yay for the type of a restaurant it was. Taehyung googled it and then proceeded to almost fall out of his chair when he saw the average prices. What the hell?

What the hell?

Sorry.

I’m afraid you’re going to have to trust me on this one.

It’s for privacy reasons.

That’s not an issue

The issue is

I'm a college student

I live in a half rundown apartment with two roommates

Eating in that restaurant will probably bankrupt me

Obviously, I’ll pay.

Taehyung actually had to take a double look at that. What? Did he miss J being extremely rich or something? They hadn’t exactly discussed their financial situations, obviously, but supposedly something like this wouldn’t be that easy to hide? Then again, it was Taehyung, so it probably would be.

He sighed.

I really don’t feel comfortable with that

Like at all

I know.

But privacy is really important, so this is the only way we can meet.

Unless you would feel better not meeting in public?

Privacy is really important? No surprises there, J hadn’t even told him his real name and had pointedly avoided everything else that could give away his identity. Maybe he was just really private? But would that necessarily mean that he didn’t want to be seen in public? And he was – clearly, very clearly – rich. Okay, so there was a conclusion Taehyung was arriving to based on all this evidence, but it seemed really really unbelievable.

Was J famous? Taehyung never saw his face, so maybe... Either that or he was some kind of a mob boss or something. He really hoped it was the former. Then again, he was probably just overreacting – J was most likely just extremely private and Jimin’s constant gossiping about celebrities was frying Taehyung’s brain.

‘What do you wear to an upscale restaurant?’ was the question Taehyung had been trying to find the answer to for the past week – of course, only when he wasn’t busy contemplating how to tell his friends about the meeting. J was a private person and Taehyung had got a strong feeling that he wouldn’t have wanted him to… well, tell anyone anything about him? And although Taehyung had tried his best to respect that, he still had to reveal his existence to Jimin and Hoseok. There was just no way he could have avoided it, considering how incredibly perceptive and downright annoying his friends were. But he had made sure the only thing they actually knew was; ‘I am messaging that stranger from the festival.’ He hadn’t said anything more, not even when Jimin had practically begged him to share the details.

He would have to tell them about the meeting though, there was no way around it, no matter how guilty it made him feel. J didn’t really feel like a stranger, true, and Taehyung didn’t believe he had any unsavory motives, also true, but even so, it was better to be safe than sorry. He had to prioritize his own safety, which meant he had to tell his friends who he was meeting and where, so they could tell that to the cops in case he mysteriously disappeared.

He didn’t want to, though. He truly didn’t. He could already tell that was going to be a wonderful conversation, during which Jimin would purposely misunderstood the nature of their relationship, and Hoseok would go with it because he thought teasing Taehyung was fun. The only silver lining here was that they would hopefully help him figure out what to wear to the restaurant, because he still had no idea. It was what he was repeating to himself like a mantra the whole way to the living room, where his friends were watching something on Netflix.

“Taetae.” said Jimin when he noticed him hesitating at the entrance. “Are you actually going to join us for once?”

Taehyung huffed. “I join you plenty of times.”

Hoseok quirked his brow at him, and Taehyung let out a sigh. He still wasn’t sleeping more than 4 hours a night, so he was definitely too tired for an argument. “Fine, fine. I give up. You win.” He motioned for Jimin to scoot to the side and let him sit on the couch, and after Jimin happily moved away, Taehyung plopped down with a sigh, tucking his legs under him.

“I need to talk to you about something.” he said with what he hoped was a nonchalant voice. It wasn’t, as confirmed by Hoseok who immediately paused the movie and turned towards him, the worry on his face clear as day. Jimin was a bit better at hiding it, but the smile he gave him was still slightly too forceful.

Taehyung returned their gazes, and then looked down at his lap, nervously pulling at his sleeves. He felt… bad ever since the concert, and his friends could tell something wasn’t right. They would have probably been able to even if Taehyung hadn’t told them about Jungkook. He knew as much… but clearly, he didn’t realize just how much he'd made them worry. “Everything is fine.” he said, trying to smother the strong feeling of guilt. “I’m fine.”

“Is this about your friend?” asked Hoseok.

“No.”

“Alright, then what is it? We’re listening.” It looked like Hoseok wanted to say something else, but Jimin hit him in the shoulder before he could make a single sound, giving him a pointed look. Hoseok smiled sheepishly in response.

Okay then, nice to know they had been talking about him behind his back. Truly.

Taehyung sighed, shaking his head. Might as well get this over with as quickly as possible. “Do you remember that stranger from the Halloween festival?” he wondered. He hadn’t been sure where to start, but he guessed this was as good a place as any.

“The one you’re messaging all the time?” asked Jimin, his lips twitching. The sudden sparkle in his eyes told Taehyung that his prediction about Jimin’s reaction had been correct – he was, without a doubt, misunderstanding his relationship with J.

“Yes." said Taehyung, trying not to grit his teeth. “I’m meeting him this Saturday.”

“Oh.” said Jimin, clapping his hands together in front of him.

“Finally.” muttered Hoseok to his right.

“Where are you going?” asked Jimin.

Taehyung sighed as he pulled up his phone and googled the name of the restaurant, turning the screen towards Jimin. Jimin squinted at it, and Taehyung could see the exact moment he realized what type of a restaurant it was, because his eyes got impossibly wide. “Oh my god.” he said. “Taehyung got himself a sugar daddy.”

Yeah, this was exactly what he thought was going to… no, no, actually this was worse. It was much worse. Taehyung was happy he hadn’t been drinking anything when the words left Jimin’s mouth, because if he had, he’d have probably choked on it. “Wha…” he took a deep breath. “It’s not like that at all.” he said.

“Uhuh.” said Jimin distractedly, still staring at the screen. “He’s taking you to a fancy restaurant. It’s clearly a date.”

“It’s not a date.” protested Taehyung, doing his best to sound firm. He wanted to tell Jimin that the only reason they were meeting there was J's need for privacy, but he thought that would probably be going too far. Going too far and giving Jimin some weird ideas. Really, it was clearly better if he kept his mouth shut.

“It does sound like a date.” said Hoseok thoughtfully, flashing him a small smile. “I’m happy for you.”

Taehyung buried his head in his hands. “It’s not a date.” he repeated. “I’m pretty sure he’s straight anyway.” He wasn’t of course, because sexuality was another one of those things they’d never talked about, but he guessed that, statistically, J was most likely straight. And it didn’t bother him. Really, it didn’t.

“Did he tell you that?” asked Jimin.

And why, why did it feel like he was falling into a trap when he admitted; “No.”

Jimin smiled one of his angelic smiles, and that was how Taehyung knew – he just knew – that J would be from now on referred to as his boyfriend. Which… just what did he do wrong in his previous life to deserve this?

Taehyung was nervous. Of course, he was. He was completely out of his depth here, and it showed. It definitely showed. A woman in a business skirt scowled at him – actually scowled – when he entered behind her, and he could feel a few other guests’ judgmental stares at the back of his head. Or at least he thought he did, though he had to admit there was a small possibility he was just projecting his own feeling of not belonging onto others.

He tried to distract himself by looking at the interior of the restaurant, which was traditional with a modern twist that was probably only there to make dining a bit more comfortable. The main door had this unfortunate quality that it led directly to the open part of the restaurant, so Taehyung was in full view of at least 15 people, who were – of course - all dressed much classier than him. He didn’t exactly have money for new clothes, so he’d had to make do with what he had, which was a pair of black jeans and an oversized pullover that was thankfully hidden under his winter coat. So yeah, a fish out of water, truly.

He didn’t take more than five steps inside when he was stopped by a good looking woman in her thirties, wearing a black uniform. “Welcome.” she said, a smile plastered on her face. “Do you have a reservation?”

“I’m meeting someone.” said Taehyung, desperately trying not to stutter. Was this the right thing to say here? J had told him he'd made a reservation and to just introduce himself to the host, but… He suddenly got a paranoid thought that this was a set up, and J had told him to come only to embarrass him.

“Name?” asked the hostess, the smile still firmly on her lips. Taehyung wondered if it was a professional requirement, and then whether her mouth hurt at all. If she had to walk around all day smiling…

“Kim Taehyung.” he said.

The hostess consulted her tablet, nodding as her eyes stopped at what was probably his name. “Please, follow me.” she said.

She took him to the back of the building where the private booths were, and they walked past multiple closed doors before they arrived to the right one. The hostess slowly pulled it aside, motioning for him to enter. Taehyung took a deep breath, his heart hammering in his chest. It was okay, he was going to be okay. He wasn’t going to do anything stupid or clumsy, such as trip over nothing or accidentally spill something on J again. He won’t.

With a final deep breath, he stepped into the small room, the hostess closing the door behind him. And… “You… Seriously?” The words rolled off his tongue without his permission as his eyes landed on Jeon Jungkook, a superstar and an ex-best friend.

He was sitting on the right side, a coffee waiting on the table in front of him, and he looked… insanely good. Yeah, insanely good, with his cheekbones and hair style that really complimented his facial features and… Taehyung shook his head, sternly telling himself to focus, because that was something he desperately needed to do in order to understand his feelings, which were… all over the place, really.

Sadness battled with happiness battled with anger battled with anxiety, and he had no idea which one would win, if any. The only thing he knew for sure was that there was a high possibility he would either start crying, laughing or shouting – or all three at once.

It was Jungkook that ended up deciding it for him. He gave him a sheepish smile (cute), and slightly raised his hands. When he spoke, his voice was calm; “I get why you’re angry, but…” Perhaps that was what did it – the calmness. The fact that Taehyung was here being a complete and utter mess, and Jungkook didn’t seem to be affected at all. It hurt. Badly. And it wasn’t fair.

“Do you? Do you really?” Taehyung said, and it wasn’t until the words were out of his mouth, sarcasm overflowing, that he realized just how incredibly angry he was. Angry and hurt in equal measure, just that the anger was easier to express. So much easier. “I last saw you 8 years ago, since you apparently decided our friendship wasn’t worth anything.”

Jungkook grimaced a little, slightly tilting his head. It was such a familiar movement, and it sent another wave of pain and hurt through Taehyung. “That’s not…” he said, but Taehyung didn’t let him finish.

“And then you messaged me for months, without telling me it was you. So clearly, clearly, you find messing with me incredibly funny.”

Jungkook’s eyes widened a little, like he’d never even imagined that his actions could be seen as mockery. Taehyung noticed it despite the quickness with which Jungkook managed to get his expression under control, and it quenched the anger a little bit, only a very little bit, because he was affected too after all. Jungkook was affected too. “Taehyung…” said Jungkook, his voice still calm, but now Taehyung could detect a trace of sadness in it, barely there but there regardless.

Taehyung took a deep breath, raising his hand. “Don’t.” he said.

“Just… will you let me explain?” asked Jungkook. The look he gave him was closed off, detached, and Taehyung began to doubt again.

“Can you?” Could he? Could he really?

“I can try.” said Jungkook, and for some reason – a reason Taehyung didn’t properly understand – those words made him angry all over again, the fury buzzing under his skin and making him too restless, too hot. Too everything.

“Oh, you can try.” he said, letting sarcasm seep into his voice. “Fine then, go ahead.”

Jungkook sighed, breaking the eye contact for the first time during their conversation to look down at his coffee. A strand of hair fall over his eyes, and he pushed it behind his ear. “I’m really sorry.” he said, and although the eerie calmness was still present, his voice sounded softer, perhaps even sincere. The jury was still out on that one. “I didn’t keep my identity a secret to mess with you or anything, things are just… complicated.” he glanced at Taehyung, and Taehyung returned his gaze with what he hoped was a nonchalant expression, though it probably wasn’t. His face most likely revealed every single thing he was feeling. He’d never been good at hiding his own emotions in the first place, and Jungkook knew him. Really knew him. Or at least, he had. Years ago.

“I’m not supposed to talk to you at all, and if my management found out… let's just say it wouldn’t end well for anyone involved.” Jungkook continued slowly. The way he talked sounded like there might have been a script involved at one point but he wasn’t very good at following it, his tongue acting on its own accord. Taehyung wished that was true, wished there had been a script, because… if Jungkook had planned what he was going to say, then that meant there had been at least a little bit of time and effort put into it.

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, but as you said, we last saw each other 8 years ago. Things have changed.”

“And whose fault is that?” muttered Taehyung dryly, unable to help himself. He said it quietly, voice barely above a whisper, but there was no way Jungkook didn’t hear him. Taehyung saw a corner of his lips twitching, almost like he was fighting back a grimace. He didn’t immediately acknowledge Taehyung’s words though.

“And I was a little worried you wouldn’t want to talk to me at all if you knew. That part was selfish. I’m sorry.” Jungkook said, taking a deep breath, before looking at him again. His expression was more open now, though still pretty closed off, and he was obviously trying to gauge Taehyung’s reaction. Taehyung had no idea what he found on his face if anything, Jungkook’s expression unchanging. After a few seconds, Jungkook looked back at his coffee, absentmindedly stirring it. “I’m sorry for what happened 8 years ago too.” he added quietly.

And that was… Taehyung could feel his eyes burning, and he rubbed them before the tears could start falling. “Why did you do it? Why did you ignore me?” he tried to sound calm and collected, he really did, but failed miserably, his voice breaking before he made it to the end of the sentence.

Jungkook suddenly looked mildly panicked, his eyes slightly widening while his face stayed motionless, which… Taehyung couldn’t really blame him. His emotions even gave him whiplash. “Taehyung…” started Jungkook, his voice softer than before. Taehyung knew he was actually going to start crying if he let him continue, so he didn’t.

“Seriously, why?” he repeated, and his voice thankfully didn’t break this time around.

Jungkook let out a sigh, tapping his finger on the table, suddenly looking uncomfortable in his own skin. The silence stretched, until; “I can’t tell you.” He sounded remorseful about it, looking at Taehyung like he was asking him to understand. Taehyung certainly didn’t. What kind of reason could it be for it to be such a big deal that he couldn’t tell him. Wasn’t it more possible that he had no good reason at all?

“Oh, really? You can’t tell me.” he said, letting the sarcasm flow freely off his tongue.

Jungkook let out another sigh, his eyes fixed on the table. “Not right now.” he said quietly. “I’m not sure…”

He was not sure what? Taehyung turned his head away, pretending to study the painting of a blossoming tree on the wall above the door as he wiped his still burning eyes. He knew what Jungkook wasn’t sure about, and although he would find it perfectly understandable under normal circumstances, it only made him angrier in the moment.

“You’re not sure you can trust me? You think I’ll take the information you give me and go to the media?” he asked, unable to hold back a laugh. It sounded bitter to his ears.

“No, not really. But…” said Jungkook, his voice still quiet. “I’m not sure? I know you would never do it back then, but people can change.”

“Fine. Fine.” said Taehyung. “Don’t tell me then.”

“I’m really sorry.” Jungkook’s voice grew even quieter.

After that, there was silence. Taehyung continued staring at the painting, doing his best to regulate his breathing and get his emotions back under control. It didn’t work particularly well, and for the next few minutes, he wasn’t sure whether he wanted to cry, laugh or throw something at Jungkook.

“Well, I think the least you owe me is a super expensive lunch.” he finally said after what was probably at least 15 minutes of tense silence. He wasn’t sure if it was a good idea – not sure at all – but he already decided he was going to give Jungkook a second chance. He was probably just going to end up hurt again, but he was weak. He wished he was strong - he wished he could walk out of that door without looking back, knowing that he wouldn’t regret not letting Jungkook redeem himself. He couldn’t, though. He couldn’t because not giving Jungkook another chance meant years of regretting, years of wondering what if.

He turned around, meeting Jungkook’s eyes. Jungkook smiled at him, faint and barely visible, but it was still the most genuine thing he had done in the last half an hour.

By the time Taehyung left the restaurant, it was already dark. They'd spent hours talking, both of them wisely avoiding mentioning their shared past, their conversation revolving around insignificant things instead – hobbies, movies, books, what they would do in case of a zombie apocalypse…

(“Obviously, you would want to move from place to place.” said Jungkook. “Get a car, park it in the middle of the wilderness during the night, and loot shops and gas stations during the day.”

Taehyung disagreed. “No, you would want to find a farm.” he said. “Somewhere fire away from everyone else. And then you would want to build a wired fence around the property, and install solar panels and rainwater collection system.”)

At one point in the afternoon, Taehyung drew a caricature of a devil on his napkin, a small goblin looking creature with a tail and two horns, one broken off in the middle. He wasn’t really planning on drawing it - sketching was just something he did because it helped him focus on the conversation or the lecture or whatever it was he needed to be focused on - but the opportunity was too good to pass. He pushed the napkin towards Jungkook. “Look, it’s you.” he said.

Jungkook pulled the napkin to his side of the table, turning it around. He raised his eyebrow when he realized what it was, looking at Taehyung with a slightly amused expression on his face. “Thanks.” he said. “I know exactly what you think of me now.”

Taehyung gave him a wide smile, trying to take back the napkin, and failing because Jungkook held it out of his reach. “I’m keeping it.” he said.

Taehyung made a few more half hearted attempts to get it back, but eventually, he had no choice but to give up. Jungkook’s reflexes were better than his, and he managed to move the napkin away just before Taehyung could grab it every single time. It was highly irritating (and kind of hot). “Suit yourself.” he huffed, crossing his arms over his chest in fake indignation. Jungkook grinned at him in response.

Jimin and Hoseok were in the kitchen when he returned home, Jimin cooking something suspiciously green and foul smelling on the stove, while Hoseok angrily typed on his laptop, muttering something about ‘that sadistic asshole’. Taehyung wisely decided not to ask.

“Oh hi.” said Jimin when he heard him enter, not looking away from whatever it was that he was making (Taehyung didn’t want to ask about that either). “How was your date?”

“It wasn’t a date.” said Taehyung as he collapsed on the nearest chair, leaning his head on the table with a thump. He’d had a good time, yes, but socializing was socializing, and nothing could suck the energy out of him quite as efficiently. It probably didn’t help that he hadn’t had more than 4 hours of sleep either. He was exhausted. Really really exhausted. Would totally fall asleep standing up exhausted.

“So good?” asked Hoseok from the other side of the table, and Taehyung would glare at him if he could muster the energy to raise his head.

“Was he hot?” asked Jimin.

“It wasn’t a date.”

“Not what I asked.”

“It doesn’t matter how he looks like if it isn’t a date.” A second of silence, and then; “No wait, it totally doesn’t matter how he looks like even if it is a date.”

“So you admit it was a date?”

“Stop putting words in my mouth Jimin. I’m too tired for this.”

“You still didn’t answer my question.”

“Fine, he’s hot. Happy?”

“Oh, amazing. If you don’t want him, you can leave him to me.”

“I’d rather roll down a mountain in a barrel than let that happen. I can barely deal with one of you at once. Two at the time…” Taehyung pretended to shiver, and Jimin promptly threw a cloth at him.

For the next few weeks, Taehyung and Jungkook maintained a regular schedule of texting every day. At the beginning they avoided talking about their shared past like the plague, but as time passed on, they started reminiscing about their childhoods. It was Taehyung who brought it up first, and it was completely unplanned. They were in the middle of discussing his clumsiness (‘do you remember how you almost killed me at the festival, Kim Taehyung?), and Taehyung helpfully pointed out he was not the only one with coordination issues (‘do you remember that one time you tripped over nothing and fell directly into a puddle, Jeon Jungkook?’). Jungkook seemed to take it as a permission to mention the past, and from then on, they were not so afraid to talk about it anymore. They still skirted around the topic of Jungkook ignoring him for the past 8 years though, neither of them prepared to talk about it yet.

The trust was broken, there was no doubt about that, and Taehyung didn’t know how long it would take for it to mend, or if it would at all. He tried to think of it as little as possible, to focus on the present instead of worrying about the future and the past. Sometimes it worked, and sometimes it didn’t, but that was life.

Thankfully, thankfully, Taehyung’s mental health slowly improved as well, and he could soon sleep through the whole night again and doubted himself a normal amount instead of every second of every day. He wasn’t sure if it was due to Jungkook apologizing and making an effort to fix things, or due to the progression of time, and to be honest, he didn’t try particularly hard to come to the bottom of it. He was just happy that he was no longer such a big mess as he had been (though he was, of course, still very much a mess).

It was around a month after their meeting when he realized a new problem had appeared. It came into being stealthily, barely noticeably, and then slowly grew until it was big enough Taehyung could no longer ignore it.

At first, he just had a thought here or there that Jungkook was hot. Clearly, he was, so he could dismiss that easily enough by passing it off as an objective observation. Then came the butterflies. Those were harder to dismiss, but Taehyung told himself he was just happy to have his childhood friend back. Obviously his feelings towards him would be different than his feelings for Jimin or Hoseok – their relationship had been through a lot, and that left consequences. It was natural to be happy to receive his messages, giddy even, and if his heartbeat was a bit too fast, it was only because he was excited about his reply. It was a little less natural to wonder how it would be to kiss your friend, not out of misplaced curiosity but because you actually wanted to do it, and that was the moment Taehyung had to give up his efforts to convince himself this was nothing.

It was something. It was a crush. On Jungkook. Who was probably straight, definitely famous, and had hurt him pretty badly in the past. Taehyung wondered what to do for the whole three minutes, before he promptly decided his only option was to pretend this was not happening. What crush? There was no crush, least of all on Jungkook. He couldn’t destroy whatever it was they had with his pesky feelings, he really couldn’t. Not so soon after they’d started talking again.

It was two months after their meeting and about a month after Taehyung’s unwelcome realization, when Jungkook asked him to meet again.

We should meet again.

Taehyung stared at the message for almost five minutes, before he finally forced his fingers to type a reply. The problem was… well, he was afraid that meeting Jungkook in person would make his feelings stronger. He was afraid he would do something he regretted. He was afraid Jungkook would just know. It was why he wanted to say no at first, but… he also really wanted to see him again, and he was weak. Too weak. So weak he dismissed all of the possible consequences, and typed;

Same place than last time?

I think it would be easier if you came to my house, actually.

Well shit. Taehyung bit his lip as he contemplated. Not meeting in public was probably safer for Jungkook’s career (and you know, his wallet), but it also posed a serious danger that Taehyung would do something severely stupid. Sometimes he got so caught up in the moment that he didn’t think about the consequences of his actions at all, and he worried something like that would happen now.

He rubbed his burning eyes – it was around 1am – and let out a sigh. He wasn’t sure he could refuse Jungkook’s request, considering they could only meet in public if they went somewhere expensive and Taehyung had no money. The last thing he needed was to come across as a gold digger… He let out another sigh. It was going to be okay, everything would be okay, he'll just have to make some ground rules for himself.

Wow Jungkook, I had no idea you trusted me that much. Are you sure I won’t email your address to some magazine? Or your fans?

It was meant in a joking way, and Taehyung only realized how it could be misconstrued after he already sent it. He dramatically face palmed after it hit him (despite being in the room alone), hoping Jungkook wouldn’t see it as Taehyung passively aggressively reminding him of how Jungkook had excused his refusal to tell him why he had broken all contact with him by saying he hadn’t been sure he could trust him.

Thankfully, thankfully, it didn’t seem that he did.

Shut up.

Golden rules to prevent a tragedy;

• Think before you speak.
• No staring.
• Keep at least 1m distance at all times.
• No conversations about romantic relationships… or romantic anything.
• No touching!

Jungkook’s place looked like an ordinary apartment complex, just that it was located in a slightly better part of town. Looks could be deceiving though, and that was true in this case as well, which Taehyung realized as soon as he entered and noticed the building had an actual doorman.

There was only one apartment on every floor, and Jungkook's was on the 7^th. The elevator opened into a spacious lobby, separated from the rest of the apartment by the unusually bright white door. Taehyung didn’t take more than a few steps towards it, when it opened, revealing a smiling Jungkook. A smiling Jungkook who was wearing a pair of washed out jeans and an oversized sweater, looking more attractive than he had any right being.

Taehyung swallowed, trying to pretend that his heart didn’t skip a beat when he saw him, and that his breath didn’t catch in his throat like he was a teenage protagonist in a young adult novel. He tried to hide his embarrassing reaction behind a wide smile and an – a bit awkward, he had to admit – wave. Jungkook just raised his eyebrow at him, a glint of amusement in his eyes, before beckoning him to enter.

The apartment wasn’t particularly big, but it was still larger than the one Taehyung shared with Jimin and Hoseok. Larger and much more luxurious, its interior almost entirely modern, with big windows and sleek furniture in white, grey and black. It looked more like a set in a movie or a TV show than a place that was actually lived in, and Taehyung suspected Jungkook probably didn’t spend much time here.

“Impressive.” he remarked after he took a good look at the living room. They knew each other well enough that this shouldn’t feel awkward, but it did, and Taehyung was sure that was entirely his fault. He couldn’t properly relax, not when he had to keep his golden rules to prevent a tragedy in mind.

“Here.” Jungkook threw something at him, and Taehyung automatically caught it, looking down at it in slight confusion. It was a plushy - a kitten wearing a lion costume. What the hell? Before he could voice his thoughts out loud, Jungkook said; “It’s you.” He curled his lips upwards into what could only be described as a mischievous grin.

Taehyung blinked at him. Then blinked again. Then narrowed his eyes. “Are you trying to tell me something?” he asked, and although his voice was serious, he knew Jungkook could tell he was joking. The whole thing probably shouldn’t make him so happy, but it did, and he wasn’t even sure why. Perhaps because it showed Jungkook felt comfortable enough around him to joke like this? Because it showed Jungkook didn’t forget about Taehyung’s (severely lame) joke about the devil from the restaurant, and was actually interacting with it?

“Am I?” wondered Jungkook, the grin effortlessly turning into an innocent smile. “I got one for me as well.” he said after a few seconds of silence, pulling another plushy out of the gift bag. This one was a devil. Not just any devil, but a devil that was without a doubt modeled after his own sketch.

“Oh my god.” said Taehyung, completely forgetting about his golden rules as he pulled the plushy out of Jungkook’s hands, their fingers brushing together. Taehyung tried to ignore the tingling sensation on his skin the touch left as he held the toy closer to his eyes. “Is this custom made?” he asked, slowly turning it around. He already knew the answer, but asked it anyway, mostly to distract himself from their proximity - he realized how close to Jungkook he was standing way too late, and now had no idea how to move away without making it too obvious.

“Yeah.” said Jungkook, observing him with a somewhat careful expression on his face, his smile still there, just that it was now much less innocent and much more... Taehyung wasn’t sure. Once upon a time, he had been able to read him pretty well, but apparently those days were over. Jungkook had definitely learned how to hide his emotions, and Taehyung suspected he didn’t actually know he was doing it about half of the time. “I hope you don’t mind.”

Taehyung shook his head. “It’s awesome.” he said, regretting his proclamation less than a minute later, when Jungkook’s smile turned blinding. Shit, his heart probably wasn’t going to hold up. This had been a bad idea.

“Good." said Jungkook, taking the plushy out of his hand by actually grabbing Taehyung’s fingers and gently prying them off. He hoped Jungkook couldn’t hear his heartbeat, because it was definitely too fast. “What do you want to drink?” asked Jungkook.

“Guess.” murmured Taehyung before he could think it through. After he realized what he’d said, he immediately had to battle the urge to take it back. Needless to say, he didn’t, though only because that would be even more pathetic than outright committing to it. He gave Jungkook a wide smile when their eyes met, and Jungkook’s lips twitched in what seemed to be – but could in fact not be - amusement.

“Oh, are we doing this again?” he asked. Again, because there had been a time in their friendship when they’d answer each other’s questions by saying ‘guess'. Taehyung wasn’t sure how Jungkook would react to him bringing that back, but apparently, he didn’t really mind.

He noncommittally shrugged his shoulders.

“Hmm.” hummed Jungkook. “Orange juice?”

Taehyung pretended to scowl at him. “Why do you know me so well?”

“You barely changed?”

“Rude.”

Jungkook just laughed in response.

After that, things were a bit less awkward. Taehyung still internally freaked out every once in a while when Jungkook came too close or touched him without a warning, but he thought he pretended everything was nice and dandy quite well. Hopefully well enough that Jungkook didn’t notice anything unusual. Hopefully.

They talked about everything and nothing for around an hour, the plushies calmly observing them from the coffee table. Taehyung made a mistake to sit down first, and Jungkook – of course – had to position himself so close they  were almost touching. There were maybe three centimeters between their tights and Taehyung was very aware of it for the whole conversation. Very aware.

That was why he – after an hour or so – suggested watching a movie. It was already dark outside and they would probably turn off the lights, which meant it would be easier to widen the distance between them without Jungkook noticing. In theory. Probably. Most likely… if Taehyung wasn’t stupid enough to agree to watch a horror movie. It was Jungkook that suggested it, and Taehyung said fine because the only thing on his mind was the need to create some distance between them.

It was a bad idea, because Taehyung’s generally wasn’t good with horror movies. Or, he was good with horror movies until there was a jump scare, and then he proceeded to have an over the top reaction to it. Just like that one time in the haunted house when he'd stepped on Jungkook’s foot. Or that other time he’d accidentally hit Hoseok in the face. Or that other other time he’d fallen off the couch and pulled Jimin with him.

This time he didn’t do anything that dramatic, but he did flinch… flinch and then reflexively hide his face in Jungkook’s shoulder. He hadn’t managed to move more than 5 centimeters away by that point, so this was the first thing his brain came up with to save him from the terror. For his part, Jungkook just patted him on the head two times, seemingly not affected at all.

It was… probably one of the most embarrassing moments of his life? Or not probably, definitely. When he finally mustered the courage to move away and thus show his undoubtedly nicely colored face, he wished with all of his being that the ground would open up and swallow him. He sat there for the rest of the movie, barely paying attention due to being so busy soaking in absolute mortification. This had definitely been a bad idea.

Thankfully, Jungkook didn’t say anything about it afterwards, and Taehyung could say his goodbyes without feeling too awkward.

Through the next two months, they made an effort to meet when the time allowed. They were both busy and Jungkook’s schedule was pretty irregular, so there were no set meetings. Sometimes they get together multiple days consecutively, and other times not for weeks, but they always met at Jungkook’s. It made the most sense what with the whole fame issue.

Taehyung did his best to hide his feeling for Jungkook, but it was hard because his friend was touchy. It must have been a recent development as well, because he hadn’t been like that when they were kids. Not at all (if Taehyung was a bit more conceited, he would think the universe was purposely messing with him, because… seriously).

It wasn’t hard to notice - especially not when Taehyung was hyper aware of his friend’s presence - that Jungkook intentionally sat too close to him and took every opportunity to touch him. Taehyung couldn't figure out why Jungkook was doing it, and while a part of him prayed he would stop for his sanity’s sake, the other part wished he wouldn’t.

It was a day after he finished his finals and Taehyung was tired. So, so tired. There was a thick fog in his brain, and he felt like he was floating, nothing seeming quite as real as it should. It was hard to focus too. Even Jungkook’s voice which he usually liked listening to was nothing but background noise at the moment.

“Hey.” Jungkook waved his hand in front of Taehyung’s face, and Taehyung flinched. He had an unpleasant feeling Jungkook had been trying to get his attention for a while.

“Yeah.” he said quickly, sitting up straighter. “Yeah.”

Jungkook raised his eyebrow, a barely noticeable glint of amusement in his eyes. The way he was looking at him seemed more attentive than usual somehow, although Taehyung couldn’t tell why. “You’re really out of it today.” Jungkook remarked.

“Sorry.” murmured Taehyung, rubbing his eyes. “The finals sucked all of my energy. I didn’t think it was going to be that bad.”

Jungkook hummed. “Do you want to take a nap?” he asked.

Taehyung quickly shook his head. A nap at Jungkook’s place? That ought to end well. “Let’s just watch a movie or something.” he said. And then, because he felt a really strong need to clarify; “Anything but a horror movie.”

“Because you’re going to hide your face in my shoulder again?” wondered Jungkook without a pause. Taehyung blinked, his barely functioning brain needing a bit longer than usual to register his words, but once it did, it reacted just as energetically as it would normally. His breath caught in his throat, and his cheeks suddenly felt incredibly hot. They hadn’t talked about that after it happened, so he hoped Jungkook had forgotten about it. He should have known he could always count on him to remember Taehyung’s most embarrassing moments, though. That asshole.

“Wha… no. That…” He awkwardly cleared his throat. Great start Kim Taehyung, he mentally patted himself on the back, you’re amazing, very smooth. “You should be happy that’s the only thing I did.” he said after he managed to collect his thoughts. “I once hit Hoseok in the face.”

“Yeah that…” started Jungkook, obviously trying to hold back his laughter. He clearly found the whole thing much more amusing than he had any right to. Taehyung narrowed his eyes at him. “…doesn’t surprise me at all. You almost maimed me at the Halloween festival.” He gave up on holding back now, laughing freely. Taehyung – who found nothing about the situation even remotely funny – glared at him. A mistake, considering that seemed to crack Jungkook up even more. Was Taehyung secretly like Hoseok? Did he also look like a kicked puppy every time he tried to seem menacing? He sure hoped not. Really hoped not.

Jungkook eventually stopped laughing, wiping the tears from the corners of his eyes. Before Taehyung could passively-aggressively ask him what was so funny, Jungkook remarked; “You still owe me coffee.” Which… yeah, Taehyung did indeed still owe him coffee.

“I do.” he said, and then asked without thinking; “Do you want to go now?” He didn’t think the idea was bad. A walk would probably help with his alertness, and so would coffee. And – which was a huge bonus – they would be in public, so the danger of Taehyung doing something severely stupid was lower. The only problem here was Jungkook’s fame, but… “It’s pretty dark and we can avoid the main streets.”

“Sounds like a good way to get robbed.” commented Jungkook.

Taehyung gave him a look. “It’s that a yes or a no?”

Jungkook contemplated for a second or two, and then nodded. “Yes.” he said. “Let’s go.”

The sun had gone down hours ago, and the night was pretty chilly, despite the heat being almost unbearable during the day. Which was lucky both because it wasn’t hot (duh), and because Jungkook didn’t attract quite as much attention by pulling a hood over his head as he would otherwise.

They stayed in the shadows and avoided the densely populated areas as much as they could. It wasn’t such an easy deed in a city as big as this, but they did manage to find an almost abandoned coffee shop without Jungkook getting recognized. Taehyung ordered coffee to go for both of them, and then they walked a bit more, eventually settling down on a bench at the edge of what seemed to be a park. Taehyung made sure that Jungkook sat down first, so that he could maintain a proper distance between them. It was already bad enough that Jungkook had walked so closely to him that their hands occasionally brushed… Taehyung didn’t think his heart could take any more, and he was thanking every god he knew that it was so dark that Jungkook couldn’t see the color of his face, which was distinctly red.

Taehyung took a small sip of his coffee. “I think my debt is now paid.” he said unnecessary dramatically, hitting his cup against Jungkook’s in a cheer.

Jungkook glanced at him. It was pretty dark, but Taehyung could still see a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “I don’t know.” he said slowly, turning his head towards the sky. “I distinctly remember fearing for my life that day.” he said. “I’m not sure coffee is going to cut it.”

Taehyung immediately narrowed his eyes at him. For a moment, he considered pointing out how he had cut all contact with him 8 years ago, but dismissed it right away. He didn’t think they were at a point where they could joke about that yet. “You’ll never let me live that one down, will you?

“Nope.” said Jungkook in an unnecessarily cheerful voice.

“Asshole.” muttered Taehyung, and Jungkook grinned at him in response.

They sat there in mostly silence for the next few minutes. It was quite pleasant and would be even more so, if he hadn’t been painfully aware of Jungkook still sitting way too close - Taehyung was so far gone by this point that he would probably think he was too close even if he was on the other side of the park. He let out a sigh, burying his head in his hands.

He probably should have thought that one through, because… “Are you okay?” Jungkook’s voice was a mix of amused and worried, but that Taehyung could take. He could. What he couldn’t take was Jungkook’s hand on top of his head, his fingers pressing slightly against his skin. Taehyung froze, unsure whether to jump away and laugh the whole thing off or pretend this was a normal occurrence and he was not affected at all. After around a second of intense inner battle, he went for the latter. Because he was weak and he enjoyed it and wanted it to last despite knowing he shouldn’t.

“I’m just really tired.” he murmured, closing his eyes. The sound of his rapid heartbeat seemed deafening in the silence surrounding them, and he truly hoped Jungkook couldn’t hear it. “Really tired.”

Jungkook hummed, his fingers drawing circles on his skin. He was probably messing up his hair, but Taehyung couldn’t bring himself to care. “I should probably go before the buses stop running.” he said after a few minutes, and then, before he could actually think it through; “Do you want to come with me?” He mentally kicked himself as soon as he realized what just came out of his mouth. Of course Jungkook wouldn’t want to come with him. It was really late, so if he came he would most likely have to… “You could probably stay the night? My friends are at some party, and I’m pretty sure they won’t be home for hours.”

Yeah, good job Taehyung. Truly marvelous. Forget just kicking himself, he should probably invest in a proper torture chamber at this point. He obviously needed it for being a colossal fucking idiot. Why did he feel the need to make things so difficult for himself? He could barely take sitting on the same bench than Jungkook, so how exactly did he imagine sleeping in the same room as him would go. Truly.

Well, on the bright side, not everything was lost just yet – Jungkook might still refuse.

“Okay. Sure.” said Jungkook.

Or not.

“Here we are.” said Taehyung around half an hour later as he unlocked the door to his dingy apartment. He’d had a an opportunity to properly freak out on the bus and had grabbed it with both of his hands - he and Jungkook took different rows, which meant he could lean his head against the window, close his eyes, and internally scream for the whole ride without Jungkook witnessing him panicking. He felt better now. A little bit. A tiny little bit.

“Be prepared for abject poverty and an absolute mess.” he couldn’t help commenting before he pushed the front door open. Jungkook – who lived in a beautiful luxurious apartment – probably deserved a warning as to what exactly was waiting on him inside.

“I’m sure it’s not that bad.” said Jungkook.

“You'd be surprised.”

He kicked his shoes off in the hallway, Jungkook following his example while curiously looking around. There honestly  wasn’t much too see – bare walls in awful yellow, an old carpet beneath their feet, and… “Oh.” said Jungkook, looking at him with a raised eyebrow. To his credit, he seemed more amused than creeped out, which Taehyung was sure couldn’t have been said for him if the places had been reversed.

He grimaced as he quietly closed the door. “Jimin’s room. He’s a huge fan. Clearly.”

“Clearly.” said Jungkook, his lips twitching.

“Anyway.” said Taehyung, promptly grabbing his wrist and practically dragging him down the hallway. He did it completely automatically in his haste to save what was left of Jimin’s dignity, and he naturally regretted it a second later when it was far too late. Just… why did he keep doing this to himself? Was he secretly a masochist? Or just a plain old idiot without no sense of self-preservation?

“Try not to look inside Hoseok’s room, but if you do I better warn you – he has an giant teddy bear. And I mean a truly giant one. I don’t know where the hell he got it, but the thing is a nightmare fuel.” he was rambling now, trying – and most likely failing - to hide how badly he was freaking out over his horrible awful mistake.

Jungkook chuckled. “Your friends sound like fun.” he said.

By this point they thankfully arrived to the kitchen, so Taehyung could finally let go of Jungkook’s wrist without making it weird (he just wanted to get his friends to the kitchen as fast as possible, nothing to see here). Thank God. Don’t get him wrong, he wanted to keep holding him, but thank God all the same because there was no way he could take it for any longer without combusting on the spot.

“That depends from how you define fun.” said Taehyung, opening the fridge, both to cool down and because it served as an excuse to turn away from Jungkook. “I have beer, and…” he let out a sigh. “No, I only have beer. It's Hoseok’s turn to get groceries this week, so – naturally - we're out of everything.”

“Your friends sound very fun.” said Jungkook, accepting the beer and – of course – brushing his fingers against Taehyung’s in the process. Lately, it happened so regularly that Taehyung had to wonder… no. No, definitely not. What was he even thinking…

Before he could reply that no, his friends definitely weren’t very fun, a sound of the front door opening attracted his full attention. Both Taehyung and Jungkook looked in the direction of it, and for a second or two neither of them moved. “Oh shit.” muttered Taehyung, sending Jungkook a half panicked and half apologetic look. “I thought they’d be out longer.” He had. They’d told him not to expect them until morning, and considering their usual habits when it came to parties he’d believed them.

Was Jungkook going to resent him for this? Taehyung knew Jungkook didn’t want his friends to know about his real identity – he’d told him directly once, and honestly, Taehyung would have known it even if he hadn’t. Everything about Jungkook’s behavior screamed that he considered regularly talking and meeting with Taehyung as walking on thin ice.

Jungkook seemed significantly less bothered by the whole thing than Taehyung though, his expression not changing at all. “You trust them?” he asked quietly. Taehyung nodded and Jungkook shrugged his shoulders. “Then it’s fine.”

Taehyung blinked. It was safe to say that he didn’t expect… that. Leaning against the counter next to – but still relatively far away because, well, he could not handle being any closer – where Jungkook was sitting, he pretended that Jungkook’s words had no effect on him whatsoever. What warm, almost giddy feeling? He experienced nothing of the sort, not at all.

Jimin was the first to enter the kitchen, wildly gesticulating while explaining something to Hoseok, who was right behind him. Neither of them seemed even a little bit tipsy, which meant the party was probably a failure. This would have been easier if they’d been a little bit tipsy - Jimin might have been in a good enough mood to not murder him on the spot for not telling him that he was friends with his favorite idol…

Jimin’s eyes found Taehyung and his lips already started to curl up into a welcoming smile, when he looked to the left, eyes immediately settling on Jungkook. He stopped talking, freezing on the spot so suddenly that Hoseok almost bumped into him, his mouth falling open.

Jungkook gave him a polite, reserved smile. “Hi.”

Jimin’s eyes widened. “Hi.” he said. Well, not said. It was more of a squeak, honestly. Oh yeah, Taehyung was so dead. Jimin was going to murder him once he recovered.

“Hello.” said Hoseok, looking from Jungkook to Jimin, his expression a mix of curiosity and confusion. It was obvious that he had no idea who Jungkook was, and that despite seeing at least one of his photographs every day. He probably hadn’t expected an idol to suddenly appear in his kitchen, so once one had, he reasonably assumed it was just someone resembling the idol and not the actual idol. Then again, he should have totally known based on Jimin’s reaction. Someone closely resembling an idol + Jimin freaking out = an actual idol. Wasn’t that a logical conclusion? “Why do I get the feeling that I’m missing something?” Hoseok asked.

“Because you are?” said Taehyung, before quietly muttering; “This day just keeps getting better and better.” Jungkook sent him an amused look.

Hoseok scratched the back of his neck, clearly still having absolutely no idea what was going on. “Okay, I’m really confused, can someone explain?” He turned towards Jimin. “Jim…” he started, before swiftly changing his mind due to a pretty obvious reason of Jimin looking like he’d recently looked medusa in the eye. Or something. He definitely didn’t seem capable of replying, that was for sure. “Taehyung?”

Taehyung let out a slightly exasperated sight before pointing at Jungkook. “Jungkook.” he said. Then he turned towards Jungkook and pointed at his other two friends. “Hoseok and Jimin.”

Jungkook nodded. “Nice to meet you.” he said, offering Hoseok his hand. “I’ve heard a lot of things about you.” The slightly mischievous smile tugging at the corner of his lips implied that he knew exactly how much trouble he just got Taehyung in. Taehyung promptly stopped resisting his urge to facepalm. Forget murdering, the fate that was waiting for him would make Prometheus jealous.

Hoseok accepted the hand, giving Jungkook one of his brilliant smiles. He was obviously still very much clueless, as was further confirmed by the look he sent in Taehyung’s direction. It seemed to say something along the lines of; you explained absolutely nothing, you jerk.

“Go to Jimin’s room.” said Taehyung.

Hoseok raised his eyebrows. “Why?”

“I think everything will be clear once you do.”

Hoseok gave him both a highly distrustful and slightly confused look, but he followed his instructions anyway, walking out of the kitchen while muttering something that sounded suspiciously like; I need better friends. Which… irony. Truly.

The mention of his room seemed to have woken Jimin up from his daze, and he looked up at Taehyung with a clear expression of horror on his face. “My room…” he mumbled, his voice trailing off.

Yeah, oops. Taehyung had no choice but to admit he was the one who screwed up this time. “Yeah, your door was wide open.” he said.

Jungkook, of course, couldn’t stop himself from pouring fuel on to the fire. “Thank you for your support.” he said, giving Jimin another one of his polite smiles.

Jimin looked like he was going to faint, and Taehyung promptly decided he had enough. Grabbing Jungkook’s wrist, he dragged him towards the door, and thankfully –thankfully - Jungkook went along with it. “Yeah, we are going to leave now, I think. Let’s talk more tomorrow.” said Taehyung before practically slamming the kitchen door behind them.

Once they arrived to his room, he first pushed Jungkook inside, then closed the door, and leaned against it. “That was awful.” he said. “Jimin is going to kill me.”

Jungkook just laughed.

Inviting Jungkook over had been a bad idea. Not that Taehyung hadn’t known that before - he had failed to see the whole scope of the problem, though. The main issue here was; where exactly was Jungkook going to sleep? Taehyung's bed was the obvious answer, but… the bed's size was sure as hell not ideal for this situation. It wasn’t large enough to be considered king sized, and it wasn’t small enough to be considered twin sized - instead, it was something in between, and while it could accommodate two people, they would have to lie very close to each other.

Too close for Taehyung’s heart to take it for sure, so… “You can take the bed, and I’ll sleep on the floor.”

Jungkook glanced at the bed. “It’s big enough for both of us.” he said, and Taehyung had to wonder if he knew about his feelings and was torturing him on purpose. He squinted at him, but of course Jungkook’s face told him absolutely nothing. While Jungkook no longer hid his emotions on the same scale he had when they'd met in the restaurant, there were still times Taehyung couldn’t read him at all. It was a phenomena that usually appeared exactly when he needed it the least. The whole thing was truly disconcerting.

“Sure. If we cuddle.” said Taehyung, hoping that, at least, would dissuade Jungkook.

It didn’t.

“Then we’ll cuddle.” Jungkook said, shrugging his shoulders like it was a no brainer. Then he gave Taehyung a somewhat careful look, his eyebrows raised. “Unless you don’t want to?”

And… what could Taehyung said to that, really? On one hand, his brain screamed at him ‘yes please', and on the other ‘you’re going to do something stupid’. The first one won, mostly (but not entirely) because Taehyung had absolutely no idea how to get himself out of this without giving himself away. “It’s fine.” he said.

It wasn’t. It definitely wasn’t. Jungkook was too close, and Taehyung couldn’t breathe. He carefully moved his arm a little to the left, but there was nowhere to escape from Jungkook’s touch. His whole right side was practically pressed against Jungkook and he could feel his breath on his neck. The asshole had fallen asleep almost immediately, while Taehyung lay awake, his face too hot and his heartbeat too rapid.

Most of the night went into analyzing every mistake he had made to end up in this kind of a situation, starting from when they’d first met. He did fall asleep eventually, sometime in the second part of the night, with Jungkook’s arm around him.

That was how he woke up as well, at first pleasantly warm and comfortable, and then, once he realized he was more or less in Jungkook’s embrace, panicked. He took a sharp breath, promptly covering his mouth with his hand before risking a quick glance at Jungkook. He was still asleep. Thank God.

He needed almost five minutes to slowly detangle himself, all the while silently cursing, and, once he was finally out of the bed, had to shut himself in the bathroom for more than ten minutes before his face color and breathing returned back to normal and he no longer felt his heart was going to give up on him at any moment.

“Kim Taehyung,  what the actual fuck?” was the first thing Jimin asked when Taehyung entered the kitchen. He was wearing his best jeans and a denim jacket, his hair perfectly styled, though - despite his tidy appearance - there were dark shadows under his eyes and he looked paler than usual. Hoseok was sitting next to him with the laptop on the table, looking similarly unrested.

“Yes, what the fuck.” repeated Hoseok, his voice dry. “If you’re hanging out with a superstar, I think it’s a common decency to, you know… tell your friends? Maybe?”

Taehyung curled his lips upwards into what was probably a significantly nervous smile. There was a Jeon Jungkook in his bed, so he momentarily forgot about his - doubtlessly furious - friends. “Look, I’m sorry…” he started “… but I couldn’t. He didn’t want you to know.”

Jimin already opened his mouth to argue, but then closed it and nodded, his anger seemingly dissipating at least a little bit. Taehyung breathed out in relief. This was easier than he'd thought it would be. “Oh, okay then…” said Jimin, running his hands through his hair, clearly forgetting he’d styled it. For a moment, the kitchen was silent, and then Jimin’s eyes suddenly widened. “Wait, what did you tell him about us?”

Oh shit. He was going to have a stern conversation with Jungkook about saying that to his friends. A really stern one. “Nothing.” he said. “Much." Jimin’s eyes narrowed, and Taehyung quickly put up his hands. “Nothing bad, I promise.” he said, begging Jimin to believe him with his eyes. He hadn’t said anything bad. Just the truth.

Jimin sighed, although he still regarded him with some mistrust in his eyes. “How did this even happen?” he asked.

“Uh… you know the stranger from the festival?”

Hoseok looked at him with raised eyebrows. “Wow, seriously?” he asked, voice incredulous. “Didn’t you like almost kill him though?”

Taehyung nervously shifted his weight from one leg to another. “Uh, yeah.”

“Wow.” repeated Hoseok.

Jimin snorted. “Only you could score a superstar boyfriend by almost murdering him.” he said.

Now it was Taehyung’s turn to narrow his eyes at Jimin. “How many times do I have to tell you that he is not my boyfriend.”

This was – of course – the exact moment Jungkook chose to enter the kitchen. He smiled at Taehyung, and Taehyung smiled back, albeit a little forcefully. Jimin hadn’t noticed him yet – or had noticed him, but decided this was the perfect opportunity to get back at him. Taehyung wasn’t sure which option was correct, the only thing he knew was that Jimin started to say; “Yes, but you… mph.” ‘Mph' was due to Taehyung jumping at him and covering his mouth with his hand.

Jimin licked him, and Taehyung immediately removed his hand, wiping it in Jimin’s jacket with a grimace. Jungkook watched all of that with a slightly amused expression on his face, quirking his brow at Taehyung as soon as he caught his gaze. Taehyung forced his lips into another smile, this one probably looking a bit bitter.

“Well this is awkward as fuck.” Taehyung muttered fifteen minutes later. All of them were sitting at the table, eating their respective breakfasts in tense silence. The presence of a guest had motivated Hoseok to complete his duty and go grocery shopping early in the morning, so they now had food. Finally. It made Taehyung wonder if it was possible to fix Hoseok’s terrible habit by bringing Jungkook around every time it was his turn to do a food run.

“Whose fault is that?” wondered Hoseok dryly, putting another spoon of cereals into his mouth, chewing a bit more forcefully than was probably necessary.

“Yours. Who was all ‘oh, Tae, we're going out, don’t expect us back until morning’ and then came back before midnight.”

Hoseok coughed. “Uh… okay, fair enough.”

That finally broke the general awkwardness around the table, and although the subsequent conversation was terribly polite, at least there was a conversation. Taehyung called that progress.

“So… Yumi." said Jimin, clasping his hands together in front of him while giving Taehyung a look that was somewhere between curious and concerned. Taehyung glanced at him before fixing his eyes back on the laptop. He and Jungkook were in the middle of an intense game of connect four. It would have been better if they could have met in person, but unfortunately, Jungkook was in Japan.

“Who’s that?” he asked, squinting at the screen while trying to predict Jungkook’s next move. To be honest, he wasn’t entirely sure why he even bothered - Jungkook won almost every time, no matter how much effort Taehyung put into the game. It would have been fine if it was the only thing he won, but to Taehyung’s chagrin, Jungkook was just naturally good at everything. It was absolutely and definitely not fair.

“You don’t know?” asked Jimin, a hint of surprise creeping into his voice. “Do you even follow your boyfriend’s career?”

“Not my boyfriend.” replied Taehyung absentmindedly. He’d repeated those words so many times in the past few weeks that they'd lost all meaning to him. “And no.” No, he didn’t. Before they’d met in the restaurant, he avoided it because he hadn’t wanted to be reminded of his ex-best friend. After… well, Jungkook told him everything about his career he wanted him to know, and Taehyung didn’t want to go snooping for more information behind his back. He felt that would be breaking Jungkook’s trust in a way, although he knew Jungkook probably wouldn’t really mind.

“You want him to be your boyfriend.” said Jimin. It was an accurate assessment, but Taehyung wasn’t going to admit that.

“According to who?”

“Your face every time you receive his message.”

“That’s a baseless accusation.” said Taehyung, and then, in an attempt to change the topic; “Who is this Yumi person?”

Jimin paused for a second, before letting out a sigh. “Jungkook’s girlfriend, according to the press.”

Taehyung almost choked on his spit. What? This was the first time he’d heard about it. Wouldn’t Jungkook told him if he’d got a girlfriend? Yes. Yes, of course he would. This was probably just the media grasping at straws for a story. Probably. Most likely.

He pulled at his sleeves, trying to ignore the increasing feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach. Or was it true? Was Jungkook actually in a secret relationship even he knew nothing about? Don’t be ridiculous, said a small voice at the back of his head. When would he have the time for a girlfriend. He spends all of his free time talking to you. Taehyung shook his head, telling himself to snap out of it. Jungkook didn’t have a girlfriend.

“It’s not confirmed or anything.” said Jimin quickly, probably realizing what kind of an effect his words had on Taehyung. “It’s just speculation. I said it totally wrong. They were just together at this talk show and seemed to have hit it off, so the rumors started. If it was actually anything, you’d definitely know about it.”

“Yeah.” murmured Taehyung. “You’re right.”

The doubt remained though, and when Jimin left the living room a few minutes later, Taehyung promptly picked up his phone. It probably wouldn’t hurt to just ask right? He would feel better if he heard nothing was happening directly from Jungkook, and if it was… then at least he would know for sure.

Is there something going on between you and Yumi?

He pressed send, turned off the phone and threw it on the couch next to him. For the next few seconds, he tried to focus on the game and not think about the message. Needless to say, it absolutely didn’t work, his heart hammering in his chest and his hands sweating enough that he had to wipe them in his jeans twice by the time Jungkook finally replied.

No one ever told you that media isn't the most reliable source of information?

Of course, of course, Jungkook had to answer in a way that told him absolutely nothing. Of course.

Yes, I know. It’s why I’m asking

There is no Yumi and I. If it was, I would tell you.

Well, that was much better. Taehyung let out a deep breath, his heartbeat slowly calming down. He felt pretty stupid for panicking over nothing, and he stared at his phone for a moment or two before typing ‘then why didn’t you say so right away asshole’ and then immediately deleting it. It was better if he didn’t call attention to just how invested he was in the topic.

Do I sense bitterness?

No, you don’t.

Okay, then that was that.

I already like someone else.

Or not. Taehyung’s heartbeat immediately sped up again, and he had to wipe his hands in his jeans for the third time. He tried to ignore the uncomfortable weight in his chest as he typed;

Oh really?

Really? He hadn’t seen that coming at all. As far as he knew Jungkook only hang out with his group members and Taehyung, although it now seemed that was false. There must have been someone else. Maybe someone he only spent time with occasionally?

It doesn’t matter, Taehyung told himself, it’s not guaranteed that they like him back… No, what was he thinking? He shook his head, trying to get rid of the unwelcome thoughts. He was Jungkook’s friend, and as a friend he should wish for the person Jungkook liked to like him back. He shouldn’t selfishly wish Jungkook’s feelings to be unrequited just because he was in love with him. That would make him a pretty shitty person.

Telling you that was a mistake, wasn’t it?

Aha

I won’t rest until I learn who is special enough to enchant the great star

Tell me

Cringe worthy.

You’re not going to tell me, are you?

Nope.

Have you at least told your crush?

No.

Well, are you planning to?

I don’t know.

Why not?

Because it’s risky.

???

Okay.

Think about it.

The other person might like you back, but it’s more likely they only see you as a friend. You of course decide to stay friends – and it might work out, and it might not. The other person might be uncomfortable and you might be uncomfortable, and a longer period of negative feelings towards each other might destroy your friendship.

Do you see where I’m coming from?

Yep, Taehyung knew exactly where he was coming from. That was the reason he hadn’t told Jungkook about his own crush. But… He scratched the tip of his nose, trying to decide on how to reply.

Yes

But won’t you regret it if you never take the chance? If they reject you, than it wasn’t meant to be and you can go on to find someone else, but if you don’t even try then you’ll never know for sure. I don’t know about you, but uncertainty would kill me

Wow. Wow. He was such a hypocrite. How could he give Jungkook this advice if he himself didn’t even attempt to follow it? It was just… once he thought about it in relation to Jungkook’s problem… the results he got were entirely different than when he was thinking about his own situation. He could be a little more objective, a little more realistic, and it certainly helped him realize what a coward he had been. He’d decided not to take the risk because he was too afraid, even when he’d known he would probably regret it at one point.

Hm. I will have to think about it.

Yes, thought Taehyung, I will have to think about it too.

And think he did. For days. He often lay awake during the night, trying to make an informed decision but never getting anywhere. After five days of thinking too much and sleeping too little, he finally decided to ask his friends for advice. They’d actually done this kind of stuff before, so they ought to know more than him.

“If you like someone, is it a good idea to confess your feelings?”

Hoseok let go of Jimin’s phone, barely catching it before it fell on the floor. Jimin gave him a horrified look before snatching it out of his hands. “Don’t you think it’s a bit too early for this?” asked Hoseok, stifling a yawn.

“No.” Yes. It was 6am on a Friday, and Hoseok had to be at work early. Jimin… Jimin just liked getting up at ungodly hours. He also liked other awful things, such as going to the gym and early morning jogging. Taehyung shivered just thinking about it.

Hoseok muttered something unintelligible.

“Are you finally going to tell Jungkook that you like him?” asked Jimin, taking a sip of his smoothie.

“I don’t know. Should I?”

“Ugh…” said Hoseok “Yes.”

“Yes.” agreed Jimin.

“Okay.” said Taehyung. His words were followed by a few moments of silence, occasionally interrupted only by Jimin’s sips, and then; “He told me he likes someone though. Wouldn’t it be kind of… I don’t know… insensitive to tell him now?”

“Is he in a relationship?” asked Jimin.

“No.”

“Then just tell him. It’s probably you he likes anyway.”

“Wha…” Taehyung’s voice trailed off. He hadn’t even thought about the possibility that Jungkook might like him, and now that he had… well, it didn’t seem plausible. Not at all. “I still think he’s straight.” he said.

Jimin rested his forehead on the table. “Oh my God, Kim Taehyung.” he said, clearly exasperated. “Less thinking and more doing, please.”

“Okay.” murmured Taehyung. “Okay.”

“Okay what?”

“Okay, I’ll tell him.”

He would. And he would do it today. He would get it out of the way. It was simple. A simple sequence of steps.

• Say ‘I like you.’
• Wait for him to reject you – he’s your friend so he'll definitely do it gently.
• Then encourage him to confess to the person he likes.
• After that pretend none of it has ever happened. What crush? There is no crush. Make sure things aren’t awkward and you continue being friends.
• And if you don’t stay friends … then it isn’t meant to be.

Taehyung shook his head, trying to get rid of the unwelcome thoughts. It would be fine. Everything would be fine. Probably.

He nervously shifted his weight from one leg to the other as he waited for Jungkook to open the door to his apartment. His heart was beating way too fast, and his hands were clammy, so he pushed them in his pockets. He could totally do this. He could.

Jungkook finally opened the door after what seemed like ages, giving him a small smile before letting him in. “How was Japan?” asked Taehyung because he desperately needed more time to figure out how to do this. Should he slowly build up to it or just say it? He should have asked Jimin. Why hadn’t he asked Jimin?

“Fine.” said Jungkook absentmindedly as he led him into the kitchen. “Want anything to drink?”

“Very detailed.” muttered Taehyung, shaking his head in response to the second question. Jungkook curled his lips upwards, but the smile didn’t really reach his eyes. Actually, he was behaving oddly similarly to that time at the restaurant – detached, distracted. Taehyung frowned. “Is everything okay?” he asked.

Jungkook raised his eyebrows at him in surprise before letting out a sigh. “I need to talk to you about something.” he said, averting his gaze.

Taehyung bit his lip, wrapping his arms around himself due to the sudden chill. He couldn’t help it, but the first thing he thought about when Jungkook said those words was that he no longer wanted to have anything to do with him. Yes, they might have spent a great amount of time talking to each other and hanging out, but they’d done that years ago as well, and Jungkook had still cut him out of his life without a second thought. “Okay?” he said slowly, trying to seem nonchalant and not at all affected.

Jungkook looked at him before averting his gaze again, running his hand through his hair. “So I thought about what you said, and I think you’re probably right.” he said. Taehyung needed a moment to figure out what exactly he was talking about. What a relief.

He slightly tilted his head. “You’re going to confess to your crush?” he asked, forcing his lips into a smile. That was good. It was.

“It’s you.” Jungkook was still looking away from him, and his voice was so quiet that Taehyung wasn’t entirely sure if he heard him correctly. But even if he did… he didn’t understand what exactly Jungkook was trying to tell him?

“Me…?”

Jungkook finally turned towards him, giving him a slightly exasperated look. “I like you.” he said, this time loudly and clearly, his eyes fixed on Taehyung.

Taehyung opened his mouth, closed it, than opened it again. “Huh.” he said finally after a few seconds of tense silence. He had no idea what else to say. How did one properly express his emotions when he didn’t really understand them in the first place? Happiness mixed with worry that he understood wrong mixed with confusion mixed with… he didn’t even know what else. He absentmindedly pressed his hand against his chest, willing his heart to calm down at least a little bit. Breathing was an effort.

Jungkook quirked an eyebrow. He was looking at him with a slightly worried expression on his face, but a hint of amusement nevertheless crept into his eyes. “Huh what?”

“Huh, I contemplated how to say those exact words to you for a week.” said Taehyung, feeling the heat slowly rise up his neck. He wasn’t even the one confessing first, so why was he the one embarrassed?

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

There was silence for a moment or two, and then Jungkook sighed. “So…” he started. “How long?”

Taehyung needed a moment to figure out he was asking him how long he’d liked Jungkook. “Months.” he muttered, averting his gaze. “You?”

He expected something similar to his own answer, but to his surprise, Jungkook let out a bitter laugh. “Years.” he said.

“Yea… what?” What?

Jungkook let out a soft sigh, still not looking at him. “It’s the reason I stopped responding to you.” he said, his voice quiet. “It’s not a very good excuse, but I was scared of those feelings, of what they meant… And I thought that if I ignored them, they would just go away.” He let out another self deprecating laugh. “It didn’t work, obviously. And it took years to accept it, and even now I sometimes still…” He shook his head. “When I recognized you at the festival and you kept bumping into me… well, I thought that must be a sign that I should make an effort to fix my past mistakes, so…” He helplessly shrugged his shoulders. Then sighed. “I’m sorry. But if we do this…”

“It must stay a secret?” asked Taehyung when Jungkook’s voice trailed off. Finishing his thoughts was the only thing he could think of to say, having no idea how to respond directly to what he had just heard. After their conversation in the restaurant, he’d decided to give Jungkook another chance, and soon after, he'd realized he already forgave him for cutting him off. Jungkook had apologized and clearly been trying to make amends, and that was good enough for Taehyung. He'd no longer wanted to carry that heavy burden around.

He hadn’t imagined the reason behind Jungkook ghosting him was… this. He himself had never had trouble accepting who he liked. It was a part of him and if someone had a problem with it, then they could disappear out of his life. He had been luckier than most though.

He wondered whether they should talk about what Jungkook had just told him, but it seemed Jungkook was perfectly fine with the new topic. Later then.

Jungkook gave him a faint smile. “Yes, it must stay a secret.” he said.

Taehyung nodded. “Okay.” he said. It was a no brainer for him – he wanted to be with Jungkook, and thus he was prepared to make the necessary compromises that came with dating an idol.

It didn’t seem to be a no brainer for Jungkook though. He slightly frowned. “Are you sure?” he asked quietly, carefully, like he didn’t really want to hear the answer. “You would be better off with someone else.”

Taehyung grinned at him, and this time it wasn’t forced. “I don’t want anyone else.” he said. He had a privilege of observing how Jungkook's lips slowly curled into a blinding smile. He reached his hand towards Taehyung, and Taehyung walked into his arms without a second of hesitation.

How did it go?

???

Kim Taehyung, answer me!!!

Do I have to go buy ice cream?!

Do I need to break Jungkook’s nose?

Give the man some space

I’m sure it’s fine

Good luck

Also, there’s no way you could break Jungkook’s nose

You can barely even string a sentence together in his presence

Stringing a sentence together and punching are two vastly different things!!

Also, how dare you!

Sure sure, whatever you say

Everything is fine, you can stop panicking

I have a boyfriend now