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“You’re sure you don’t want to come home with me?” Bobby’s cheerful voice echoed in from the hallway outside Seiji’s dorm room. “They’d love to have you. My abuelita just adored you last time!”
Nicholas’s reply was too low for Seiji to hear, though from the way Bobby bid him goodbye, it must have been a negative.
Seiji sighed, trying not to focus on the other boys’ conversation and instead on his world history homework assignment. It was the day before fall break started and, from what he could tell, he and Nicholas were two of only three boys on their floor not going home for the school holiday.
Coach Dymtro had said that it was a blessing that Seiji was staying over the four day break. “More training here,” he had noted with a firm nod. “Do your homework early and we’ll train four days straight.”
Seiji had agreed like he always did, anxious for the opportunity to get in more training, especially without all the usual chaos of regular practice. His goal was to finish all his break homework tonight, then have the rest of break to focus on fencing.
The door to the dorm shut loudly, banging against the frame almost hard enough to shake the walls. Nicholas never seemed to understand that their wooden door would close without all the force he could muster. From the enthusiastic way he was always slamming it, Seiji would have thought he was trying to push a car or move a bolder.
Seiji heard a rustling noise behind him, plastic on plastic, and knew without turning around that his roommate was probably peaking around the ridiculous duck curtain that separated their respective sides. “Seiji? You’re staying too, right?”
“Yes.”
Seiji refused to look up from his history worksheet. He was currently trying to decide which country on the unlabeled map was Latvia and which was Lithuania.
“Okay, cool. That’s cool!”
“You’ve used cool twice in the last four words,” Seiji noted, voice more annoyed then he actually was on the inside.
“Hey! Shut up, word boy!”
Seiji rolled his eyes even though he knew Nicholas couldn’t see them. Nicholas’s ability with comebacks was outstanding, he thought sarcastically, but held his tongue. He really did need to do this work and getting into another fight with his roommate would put a wrench in that.
When Seiji didn’t respond to his half hearted insult, Nicholas let the curtain fall back into place. Seiji heard him begin to rustle around his side of the room for about five minutes, before going quiet. He’s probably watching one of his stupid shows, Seiji’s thought. Ever since Bobby had offered Nicholas his Netflix password a few weeks ago (Seiji again unable to not hear as he tried and failed to do actual work), Nicholas seemed to spend most of his free time watching shows on his clunker of a laptop.
Trying to regain his focus, Seiji moved down his list of countries, now trying to find Estonia. It seemed like it’d be a long weekend with just Nicholas and him at Kings Row.
The hours passed steadily and Seiji finished his history and moved on to English, saving math for last. At six, the dinner bell rang and both boys hurried to the dining hall, which was mostly empty. Seiji ate his dinner slowly, choking down the food that seemed unusually bad, even for Kings Row. He heard his coach’s voice in his mind like a mantra, vegetables and protein, vegetables and protein.
After dinner, Seiji started on his geometry homework, again bent over his desk. He’d just stumbled through his first proof when he hear a distinctive rustle that told him that Nicholas was again peaking through.
“What?” Seiji asked, voice probably a little too harsh, but Nicholas brought it out in him.
“Well, I just, um, wanted...” Nicholas trailed off, forcing Seiji to turn around and look at the other boy.
“What?” He repeated, seeing that Nicholas’s face was a bit red, a bit nervous.
“You wanna go do something?”
Seiji blinked, confused. What was his roommate talking about? Surprise catching him off guard, instead of declining he shook his head. “What would we do?”
It was a good question. It was nearly eight on a Friday night and they were stuck in an almost completely empty boarding school with rules as strict as a prison. While Seiji had to admit he wasn’t particularly well-versed in what normal teenagers did in times like these, he couldn’t think of a single slightly enjoyable thing to do.
Well, except fencing, his brain added. But it wasn’t like he was going to practice fencing with Nicholas. If he did, some of his atrocity might rub off on Seiji and then what chance would he ever have at nationals next year?
Taking Seiji’s question as a good sign, Nicholas’s face lit up in a grin. “Well...I was thinking we could maybe sneak out and go to the clubhouse place. I mean, the rest of the team did show us the way.”
Seiji blanched at the other boy’s suggestion. Sneak out? Was Nicholas crazy? (Well, he was pretty sure he knew the answer to that one.) Sure, they’d done it once before, but that had been with the upperclassmen as their guides, in the daylight.
Nicholas took his lack of a no as a yes. “You wanna go!” His grin grew wider.
“Absolutely not.”
“You so do! You’re thinking about it right now.”
“Am not! I’m thinking about would an idiot you are.”
“An idiot that you want to hang out with, which makes you an idiot too.”
Seiji breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth, knowing Nicholas was just trying to rile him. It was working.
“That doesn’t even make sense! Anyway, I have homework.”
Nicholas shrugged his shoulders. “I mean, I do too. It’s not due until break ends, though, and neither is yours.” He paused, moving closer to Seiji. “I bet you’re just chicken to go off campus.”
“No! I’m not afraid.” Nicholas didn’t seem to hear Seiji’s protests because he’d started flapping his arms and making barking noise as he waddled around the room in a movement more reminiscent of a duck than a chicken.
As Nicholas continued his inaccurate chicken interpretation, Seiji glanced down at his geometry workbook. It was a Friday night and this was the last assignment he had for the entire break. It wouldn’t really matter if he just waited and did it sometime tomorrow in between practices. Just to show Nicholas that he wasn’t a chicken, of course.
“Okay, I’ll go.” Seiji said with a sigh.
As if Seiji had flipped a switch, Nicholas shot up from his chicken position. “Alright!”
Twenty minutes later, Seiji followed Nicholas through the darkened yard, avoiding the spotlights, and hopefully their teachers’ gazes.
His jeans were stiff and itchy from disuse and a sweatshirt of Nicholas’s hung baggily from his frame. Even though they must have been about the same size, Nicholas’s clothes rarely seemed to fit him well and thus they didn’t fit Seiji either. If it were his choice, Seiji would still be wearing his normal uniform, but Nicholas had insisted it was too conspicuous and that his black hoodie would help Seiji blend in.
Dodging a last spot of light, the two boys reached the wall. “C’mon,” Nicholas whispered, grabbing hold of a pipe and beginning to shimmer up. Seiji followed him, careful not to misstep, knowing that a fall might put him out for the season.
Once they make it to the other side, both boys paused, as if waiting for a siren to wail, a horn to go off, signaling that students had escaped. There was no such sound, though, only the sound of their breaths, a bit deeper from the climb, and the chirping of bugs.
“Which way was it?” Seiji asked, turning left and right as if there’d be a sign.
“That way,” Nicholas said, pointing off to the left. “That’s where we went before.”
Seiji raised an eyebrow, though he doubted Nicholas could see that in the dark. “Are you sure?”
“ ‘Course I am. I’m an expert navigator.”
“Somehow, I doubt that,” Seiji mumbled, but still followed Nicholas off to the left.
They walked for about a half hour before Seiji decided to speak up. “We should have reached it by now.”
“No, we shouldn’t have! It took a long time last time.”
“It only seemed that way to you because of your distinct lack of coordination and athleticism. We should have hit the log twenty minutes ago.”
“You’re wrong!” Nicholas said, though this time he didn’t try and justify his statement. He glanced around wildly, as if expecting the clubhouse to appear out of thin air. “Hey! I bet it’s over there!”
In the dim light of the moon, Seiji could just barely follow where Nicholas was pointing. Turning, he followed his friend’s arm to a faint light in the distance.
“Why would it be lit up? Nobody’s there.”
Nicholas ignored Seiji’s (rather good, if you ask him) point and took off running, but not before reaching out to grab his roommate's wrist.
Seiji stumbled, trying to keep up with Nicholas as they ran across the uneven ground, hoping he didn’t trip over a tree branch. Nicholas was fast, both on the salle and off and Seiji could barely keep up with him, though he’d never admit it to the other boy. Nicholas was still grasping his arm in a way that Seiji was acutely aware of. He must have been holding down on his veins because Seiji could feel his grip all through his arm, a tingly sensation that wasn’t all together uncomfortable.
The woods cut out into a space that was definitely not the fencing team’s clubhouse. Instead, they were in the parking lot of a rather worn gas station along a rather worn road. It was the type of place Seiji would have doubted their prep school would allow anywhere near all the wealthy students.
Nicholas grinned, as if they’d actually made it to their destination. “Look!”
Seiji looked again. Nothing had changed. “It’s a gas station.”
“We can get food!” Nicholas enthused. “Real, not gross school food!”
Seiji sighed loudly, though privately he agreed with Nicholas about the quality of the Kings Row food.
The two boys cut accros the parking lot and went into the gas station. It was empty except for the counter worker, a boy maybe a few years older than them, who glanced up at them briefly before turning back to his phone.
It’d been a while since Seiji had been in a convenience store and he gravitated toward the wall of granola and protein bars. None were as good a quality as the ones Coach Dymtro had him eat, but he soon found one that might do. He was reading the ingredients on the back when Nicholas knocked the bar out of his hands. It fell to the flow with a quiet thud and skidded off under the shelf.
“What was that for?” Seiji asked, annoyed.
“You’re so not getting that. It’s a Friday night!” Nicholas replied.
Seiji sent him his best glare, but Nicholas was already turning away towards a display of frozen treats.
“Here!” Nicholas called, holding up two SpongeBob popsicles. “We’ll have these! They’re like ducks.”
He started for the front of the store, Seiji trailing after him.
“Have you ever even seen a duck? That looks nothing like a duck.”
Nicholas flashed Seiji a grin bright enough to make something shift in his stomach. “See them everyday!”
Seiji rolled his eyes, wondering if Nicholas had been dropped on his head as a baby multiple times.
The kid at the counter nodded at them when they came up, putting his phone away with a sigh. Nicholas put the two popsicles on the counter and pulled out a handful of bills, mostly ones.
“I can pay for mine,” Seiji said.
Nicholas didn’t look at him, but Seiji could tell his cheeks were faintly pink. “It’s okay. I picked them out so I’ll pay.”
Seiji frowned, but didn’t object anymore. He wondered if the worker thought this was weird. When he looked at him, though, the kid didn’t seem to be paying any attention to their interactions.
After they made their purchase, Nicholas led the way out of the store and took a seat to the left of the door on the curb, leaning up against a dirty looking ice machine. A sign posted on the wall said no loitering and someone had drawn a large smiley face on it. Seiji took a seat on the curb, a few inches from Nicholas, who handed him his popsicle.
They were silent as they each opened their treats, but it was a bit more comfortable then the silences that usually descended between them, more companionable than angry.
“Thank you,” Seiji said finally because once upon a time, he had been taught manners.
“No problem.”
Seiji wondered if that were true, but knew better than to ask. Everyone back at school knew that Nicholas was only at Kings Row on scholarship, that he was a pauper compared to them with their immense wealth and powerful parents.
“You like it, right?” Nicholas asked.
Seiji looked down at the popsicle. SpongeBob’s face was smudged, eyes beginning to drip down to his mouth in a way that hinted at a melting and then refreezing. He was vaguely creepy, but tasted good.
“Yeah.” Seiji took another bite. “I’ve never seen it, though.”
Nicholas blinked at him. “You’ve never seen SpongeBob?”
Seiji shook his head.
“Man, poor you. I used to always go over my neighbor’s house and watch it as a kid. We never got the channel, but they did.”
Seiji tried to picture a young Nicholas, wondering what he would have looked like. “I guess I was busy. With fencing.”
Nicholas nodded as if he understood. “When’d you start fencing?”
“I was four.” Seiji tried to think back, but he couldn’t really remember a time when he didn’t fence, when the sport didn’t dominate his entire life.
“Sheesh, man,” Nicholas said. “That’s a long time.”
Seiji shrugged. He didn’t tell Nicholas that most fencing greats started at that age, or possibly even younger. Jesse Coste probably started as soon as he could walk.
“When did you start?” He asked Nicholas, trying to conceal honest curiosity.
While he hated to admit it even to himself, Nicholas’s fencing intrigued Seiji. He wasn’t great by any means and most times he wasn’t even good, but there was something hidden beneath years of bad technique. Something innate that allowed him to win against opponents with more formal training in a single pinky than in his entire body. It had taken Seiji time to see Jesse Coste in Nicholas, but once he saw it, their resemblance was unmistakable.
Why that was, he couldn’t begin to answer.
“I don’t know. Couple of years ago, maybe?” Nicholas said, voice a bit unsure.
Seiji nodded. It was what he had expected. Nicholas didn’t have the practiced air of the other boys, those who’d done this for years and years. But, if he’d only done it for such a short time, how could he resemble Jessie Coste? Jessie Coste, the boy who’d been trained since birth to live up to an infallible legacy. Jesse Coste, the only one who could beat him at nationals.
“You’re thinking about me and Jesse Coste, aren’t you?” Nicholas’s voice was twinged with a bit of anger.
Seiji said nothing. He wasn’t about to deny it.
“I mean, it’s not like you’re such an open book. You clam up the minute we ask you why you came here.”
Seiji jerked his eyes up so they met Nicholas’s, which sent a thrill he didn’t understand down his spine. He didn’t know what to say. It was true that he didn’t want to tell anyone, Nicholas included, his reasoning for coming to Kings Row.
When Seiji didn’t say anything, Nicholas continued. “I’m the one next to you. Why can’t you see me?”
Seiji had never been the best with emotions, but even he could tell that the other boy’s voice wasn’t just angry. It was hurt, too.
“Of course I see you!” Seiji burst out, not really sure what he was saying. “I see you everyday, at practice, in class, in our room. How could I not see you?”
It was the truth. Even with their room divided, Seiji saw Nicholas almost constantly. They had almost all the same classes and participated on the same team. He couldn’t even escape Nicholas in the showers, a fact that embarrassed him to no end.
Nicholas stared at Seiji for a long time and for all his might, Seiji couldn’t look away. He wasn’t sure what was going on. Finally, Nicholas grabbed Seiji’s wrapper and stick from his hand and went to go throw them and his own out at the dumpster halfway across the parking lot. When he came back, he sat down again next to Seiji, this time flush against him so their sides and thighs were touching.
“I want...” Nicholas started, then stopped. His voice was hesitant and heavy, as if he was about to say something important. “I want you to see me as a fencer and as a... friend or something else, I guess.”
He tilted his head up so their eyes met. Seiji wanted to ask him what something else meant, but didn’t know how. He guessed it had something to do with the way they both seemed to rile each other so easily, the way something deep in his stomach shifted uncomfortably, but not unpleasantly whenever Nicholas stared at him.
Seiji had a guess, sure, for what all this meant, but it was only a guess. A guess he didn’t want to be true. He might not know much about relationships or romance, but he wasn’t an idiot.
“Okay,” he told Nicholas, not sure of what he was trying to convey, not sure of what exactly he was saying was okay.
Nicholas nodded, as if he understood. Seiji wanted to ask him if he did, could he please explain it to him, but didn’t.
Nicholas reached out and placed a hand on Seiji’s leg, right above his knee. It was leaving a mark, Seiji could tell, a yellowish, pinkish mark from the popsicle, but he didn’t tell Nicholas to remove it. He couldn’t. He didn’t want to, even if it meant his only pair of jeans would be stained.
Seiji was looking at Nicholas and Nicholas was looking back and something was happening, Seiji could tell. He was leaning in and Nicholas was leaning and their faces were getting impossibly closer. Seiji thought about closing his eyes, but he didn’t want to. He had to see what was about to happen.
Their lips were just a tiny bit apart when the noise of a car interrupted them. They pulled away quickly just in time to see a pickup truck pull up to one of the gas pumps. Seiji watched as a man with a beard slipped out, wondering if he’d seen. The man’s eyes didn’t give them a second glance, though, and Seiji felt a wave of relief in his chest.
“Crap!” Nicholas exclaimed and Seiji turned to the other boy, who was staring down at his phone, cheeks red. “We’ve got to go. Check in is in fifteen minutes!”
They ran through the woods after that, legs pumping, feet hitting the ground with loud plods that scared away nearby animals. If they didn’t get back in time for check in, they’d get in trouble and possibly get suspended from fencing, a prospect that struck fear into both of their hearts.
All the while, Seiji’s mind raced as fast, if not faster, than his feet. What had just happened back there with Nicholas? They’d almost kissed, his brain told him. You’re not stupid enough not to understand that.
So they almost kissed. What did that mean? Did that mean he liked Nicholas? Did that mean he liked boys?
The questions circled in his head, spinning faster than a tornado, as they made their way back, running through the woods and scaling the wall.
They made it with two minutes to spare, both in and accounted for in the nightly check. The dorm monitor looked strangely at their red faces and tied shoes, but thankfully didn’t ask any questions.
When the man had left, Nicholas stammered something about finishing his TV show and moved to his side of the dorm room. Seiji sat down to try and finish his geometry homework from before with little luck. He couldn’t get past the first step on any of the proofs. In all honesty, the only reason he could get the first step was because it was restating the given information.
Finally, he gave up, shut his book, and decided to get ready for bed. Once he’d brushed his teeth, confirmed his alarm was set for four, and put his familiar blue pajamas on, he couldn’t sleep. He stared at the duck curtain, the faint light given off by Nicholas’s school issued laptop bleeding through.
The smiling yellow ducks reminded him of the SpongeBob popsicles and their melty grins. He remembered how Nicholas had insisted on paying for both their treats.
Wait. Suddenly, a thought popped into his mind, one he couldn’t erase. Had this been a date? Nicholas has paid and they’d almost kissed, which he guessed were pretty reminiscent of a date, though he’d never been on one. Dates weren’t for people like him, people who had important things to focus on and national championships to win.
Unbidden, a phrase popped into his head—if it looks like a duck and talks like a duck, it’s probably a duck.
Seiji sighed and flipped over so his head was buried in his pillow, but sleep didn’t come for a long while.
(When it did, it involved a strange dream about a talking, melting duck trying to kiss him, which was mildly horrifying.)