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After a few months of living in the city, Matthew finally began to feel comfortable enough to call his new environment home. Moving to a new city all on your own was a difficult endeavor, but his new friend Miguel made the transition much easier. Matthew was shy, soft spoken and sometimes had a difficult time asserting himself while Miguel, in contrast, was intense, assertive, very confident and had no difficulty making friends or asking for what he wanted. Matthew was thankful that he met someone like Miguel so early in the new life he was making for himself because sometimes it helped to have someone that would come to his defense or encourage him when needed. Matthew returned the favor by listening to Miguel complain about anything and everything and calming the hot-headed man down when needed.
Matthew reflected on all of this while looking out of his apartment window and onto the city street below. In his hands, Matthew was gripping two mugs filled with hot liquid that he had just prepared. The sun was beginning to set behind the brick buildings outside and the moon was beginning to faintly appear in the sky. Matthew found himself becoming more and more at ease and sinking deeper into his thoughts while he gazed out of the window. However, his thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the deep voice of Miguel coming from behind him.
“So, are we going to get into this hot chocolate or are you just going to stand there spacing out?” Miguel called from the couch with a smirk on his face.
Snapping out of his trance, Matthew surprisedly raised his eyebrows and quickly turned to walk over to his friend.
“Sorry about that I just was thinking about something” Matthew said as he set the hot beverage down on the coffee table in front of Miguel.
“You apologize too much you know that?” Miguel questioned and then patted the portion of the sofa next to him inviting Matthew to sit down.
Matthew sighed and smirked a bit as he sat down. “Yeah, you tell me that a lot, sorr…” Matthew, realizing that he was about to apologize once more, quickly cut himself off. His ears turned a faint shade of pink from the realization. “It’s a habit”
Miguel picked up the mug of hot chocolate and took a small sip of the beverage. He raised an eyebrow at his friend’s response. “A habit that you need to break” He sipped again and grinned. “See, you’re like this hot chocolate, you’re sweet, and damn good to boot but too much sweetness can give you some trouble you don’t need to deal with” Miguel chuckled and lightly patted his stomach. Miguel was a large heavyset and muscular man. While he was diligent about his exercise routine, his love of sweets did manage to make him thicker around the middle than he intended.
Matthew playfully glared at Miguel. “Your body is fine stop it.”
“I could stand to lose a few pounds still” Miguel replied
“You’re literally built like a truck” Matthew said
“The ladies don’t like it” Miguel retorted
“You’d be surprised! Thick and strong is in style!” Matthew exclaimed
Miguel chuckled. “We go through this every-time I poke fun at myself around you…and you’re changing the subject.”
Matthew, realizing they had indeed strayed from the original subject sighed. “I just want to keep the peace, I just see it this way, yeah I may not tackle things right away but sometimes things need time or just need to be thought about a different way.” Matthew then picked up his drink and sipped it and raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Wow this is really tasty!”
“Told you” Miguel said
“Thanks for bringing it” Matthew said smiling at Miguel.
“No problem, thanks for making it” Miguel said after taking another sip. “So what happens when you don’t handle something right away and it gets away from you?” Miguel crossed his arms. “If someone says something disrespectful and you decide you’re being dramatic for being offended. What happens when that spirals out of control and then someone starts taking advantage of you? Or worse hurting you?”
Matthew sighed and looked down into his mug somberly. “I know exactly who you’re talking about and that was a one-time thing, most of my patients don’t act that way.”
“Standing up for yourself would have saved you a lot of time, and a bruised chin.” Miguel said
Matthew instinctively rubbed at his chin. “Maybe I shouldn’t have had that vase on the table like that.”
Miguel’s eyebrow began to twitch with irritation at that statement, “No maybe you should have set boundaries and rules with your patients. Therapists need to do that don’t you think?! You can't blame yourself!”
“Miguel please” Matthew looked over to his friend hoping he would calm down.
“Sorry” Miguel huffed.
“It’s okay, we’ve had this discussion before” Matthew said softly.
“And you’re still stubborn as fuck about it.” Miguel calmed himself and then slid closer to Matthew and placed his arm around him. “Look, I know you want to help people with their issues, I know you think keeping the peace with people is good enough to get by. But you’ve got to take care of yourself too.”
“Yeah” Matthew whispered.
“Think about your therapist, doesn’t she set boundaries? I mean, it’s not like you’re going to chuck a vase at her, but you feel that energy she has that says ‘don’t mess with me’ right? Miguel asked.
“Right” Matthew whispered again leaning into his friend. “But she makes it look easy.”
Miguel chuckled and gently patted Matthew’s shoulder. “Yeah she’s a tough one, I’ve never seen someone be so calming yet so tough at the same time.”
Matthew adjusted himself, attempting to get more comfortable on Miguel’s chest. “You got all of that from that one session you sat in on?”
“Yeah, I felt it from when she had you sign the release form” Miguel said and then laughed. “Calm but intense, I like it…you sure she’s taken?”
“Miguel stop it she’s like 10 years older than you” Matthew groaned.
“That’s a good and fine 10 years! Come on, you’re telling me that you haven’t eyed her just a bit?” Miguel asked.
Matthew’s cheeks changed to a faint pink. “No…”
“Are you sure?” Miguel teased.
“Yes…” Matthew replied.
“Are you sure you’re sure?” Miguel prodded.
“…patients and health care providers are not allowed to engage in such things” Matthew sighed. “…but yes, I’ve looked.”
“I knew it!” Miguel chuckled.
“You can’t say anything! Especially not during my sessions with Irunya!” Matthew pleaded.
Miguel pulled Matthew in tighter and grinned at him. “Come on, you know I would never do that! Friend to friend confidentiality or something like that.” Using his free hand, he downed the rest of his drink.
Matthew sighed “Thank God. Besides, even if I weren’t her patient, I think her brother is really really overprotective. Its honestly unsettling. I think his name is Ivan or something like that.”
“That sounds like someone who would bash you over the head with a metal pipe for shits and giggles if you got too close or said something remotely out of line.” Miguel said checking his phone.
“Yeah” Matthew said.
A few more minutes passed in comfortable silence, with the two snuggled up on the sofa. Miguel checked his phone and scrolled through his email while sleepy Matthew made himself fully cozy in Miguel’s warm embrace. Matthew spent this quiet time thinking about what Miguel had said to him about assertiveness. He knew he was right, but he just couldn’t bring himself to act on it. Yes, he has had to have difficult conversations with patients and tell them about their own issues, but that was different from being protective of himself. He didn’t want to become standoffish, but he did need to set boundaries, he couldn’t think of what to do, but he supposed life is a series of thinking about what to do. Deep in thought, he began to unconsciously use his finger to trace the patterns on Miguel’s shirt. He started on the chest, which was met with a raised eyebrow form the larger man, and then ended on his stomach with caused Miguel to erupt into a fit of laughter that interrupted Matthew’s thoughts.
“HA what? You making fun of me or something!?” Miguel questioned through his laughter.
Matthew quickly snatched his hand away and pulled himself away from Miguel. Sitting up fully, he tried his best to find the words, but he couldn’t in time. “S-Sor…”
Miguel grinned a bit mischievously “Nope not accepting that! I’ve told you before about tickling my stomach.” Miguel inched closer to Matthew.
Matthew laughed nervously and looked around for a way out, but it was too late. “W-wait! I didn’t mean to...” Before Matthew could finish his sentence, Miguel had all but tackled him and began to gently poke at his sides. Matthew, who was a very ticklish person burst out into a fit of hysterical laughter.
Miguel smirked and playfully sighed. “Now I’ve told you many times about how I am about tickling right? You should be more careful!” Miguel continued.
“Please HAHA stop OH GEEZ!!” Matthew’s laughter soon gave way to a few coughs and once he began to cough louder Miguel stopped.
“You okay? Miguel asked amused by his friend’s reaction but concerned as well.
Matthew was breathing heavily. “Yeah…just give me a minute” Matthew pulled out his Asthma inhaler and took a few deep puffs before putting it away. He waited a few minutes and then looked to Miguel “Okay better.”
“Sorry about that” Miguel apologized “My family is a little intense so that’s what I’m used to.”
“Look who’s apologizing now.” Matthew chuckled and smirked at Miguel.
“Wha?” Miguel chuckled too “Ah touche, guess you got me but that was warranted.” Miguel looked concerned “Is it hard dealing with Asthma like that? Seems rough.”
Matthew waved his hand dismissively “no no it’s under control now! I just can’t get too worked up or overexert myself. It used to be much worse when I was younger.”
“How so?” Miguel asked
Matthew sighed “Well before my body got stronger, I really couldn’t do too much physical activity. There were sometimes when I would wake up not being to breathe well. It felt like there was a piece of cloth stuck deep in my lungs or something. Honestly, it’s hard to explain. That happened quite a few times… it’s scary honestly but it doesn’t happen anymore.”
Miguel took a moment before responding. “So that’s why you don’t like getting yourself worked up?”
“Huh?” asked Matthew
“I mean, maybe that’s why you try to keep things peaceful, because you don’t want to feel that way again.” Miguel scratched at his head “I mean isn’t there some Psychology stuff about internalizing things as a child and it effecting how you act as an adult?”
Matthew chuckled “That’s really insightful, not saying you usually aren’t or anything. I suppose maybe that could be part of it, but honestly I just dislike inconveniencing people.”
“Damn you’re admirable” Miguel said
“What? What do you mean?” Matthew asked
Miguel sighed “You deal with that kind of stuff as a kid and you still only worry about others.”
Matthew tilted his head in slight confusion “well…that stuff is hardly trauma.”
“Look I’m losing my words, basically, all my critiques aside, I admire how you can deal with shit and still keep your head on your shoulders.” Miguel sighed “I mean, if something goes wrong in my life, I spiral and nearly want to start breaking shit. You take adversity and let it roll off of your back. You just say it’s no big deal and keep moving. You’re stronger than I give you credit for…I just worry about people walking all over you” Miguel looked away and scratched at his head a tad embarrassed “Wow that came out of no where, guess I needed to get that off of my chest.
Surprised by Miguel’s words of admiration, Matthew found himself lost for words. It felt amazing to be not only appreciated but admired. It was a feeling unfamiliar to him. Finally, his initial shock subsided. “Well… I really admire you too.”
“What?” Miguel asked turning back around.
“Yeah, as stubborn as I am, I can admit that somethings wouldn’t have gotten resolved in my life if you didn’t speak up for me or encourage me to speak up for myself. You’re bold and confident, I wish I could borrow some of that. I think it’s neat that you are able to say what you want and how you feel about things.” Matthew blushed “Where I’m going with this is…you’ve taught me a lot and I appreciate you as well.”
“No lying? You’re not just saying that right?” Miguel asked
“Of course, I mean it!” Matthew said.
“…Damn” Miguel paused to collect his thoughts. His eyes began to water a bit but no tears ran down his face. He shifted to rest his forearms on his thighs and leaned over. “I’m not really used to this whole admiration thing”
Matthew slid over and placed his hand on Miguel’s back. “What do you mean by that?”
“Well…I’ve always been underestimated and stuff.” Miguel paused “Wow man I don’t want to make this heavy or anything…don’t worry about it.”
With a concerned expression Matthew patted his friend’s back and decided to press for more information. “No no, it’s okay we can discuss it if you want, don’t worry about it.”
“I don’t know man, wont that feel like work for you?” Miguel asked.
“It’s my job, Miguel, on the clock and off the clock, especially for a friend.” Matthew said.
Miguel took a deep breath. “Okay… well in my family, I was always the odd one out. I’ve always been the ugly duckling, the screw up, the one no one really thought much of. All of my brothers are pretty boys and I’m the only one whose a bit rough around the edges.” Miguel felt a few small tears running down his cheeks. “It’s hard man, being the odd one out, I mean I didn’t get the loose wavy hair or the olive toned skin. Don’t get me wrong, I love every bit of myself, but getting treated like crap or having assumptions made about you by your own damn family because you don’t fit the mold hits hard.”
Matthew passed Miguel a box of tissues. “I’m sure it took a while to get to that point where you’re comfortable in your own skin.”
Miguel sighed and wiped his eyes. “Yeah, I mean I know I have all this confidence and attitude but it didn’t drop out of the sky one day. It’s like that rough ground made for some strong roots. But, I just wish people could see that I can bring something to the table.”
Matthew nodded “Well if It counts for anything, I think you’re great.”
Miguel turns and pulls Matthew into a tight hug. “It counts more than you know…I love you bud, seriously”
Matthew smiles “I love you too Miguel”
“Thanks” Miguel says after pulling away and managing a smile “You know for letting me get all mushy”
Matthew chuckles “It’s my job, literally and figuratively”
As if working as a way to break the mood, Miguel’s stomach growls loudly. He then looks to Matthew. “Can we order food?” Miguel then also checks his phone “Oh and I think that movie you wanted to watch is coming on in a bit”
“Sweet!” exclaimed Matthew “and yeah totally I’ll go put in the order”
“Get me the usual!”
The rest of the evening was spent in relative peace. The duo enjoyed the food, movie and most of all, each-other’s company. Moving to a new place can be difficult, but when you make new friends and form strong bonds, it makes everything that much easier.