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All I Want

Summary:

She waited for his move, for him to decide what would happen next, waiting for him to make a decision she was too afraid of making herself. Because her kiss was a silent question, a subtle invitation and it was all up to him now what was going to happen next.

It's my try to fix the almost kiss scene in 02x08.

Notes:

So I might have found another series I fell in love with and because I refuse to acknowledge what had happened in 02x08, I decided to fix it and I regret nothing. So here Nurmi does kiss Karppi back and they make out and he actually decides to talk to her about Henna and doesn't hide it, sooooo... Here you go and I hope you enjoy! <3

Work Text:

How the hell was this damn thing working?

With a frustrated sigh, Karppi pressed another button on the machine and her forehead frowned when it emitted a strange buzzing sound before finally deciding to prepare a coffee. Her lips turned into a triumphant grin when the dark liquid started to pour into the two cups and it widened, even more, when the aroma of fresh coffee reached her nostrils.

Oh, yes... Just what she needed...

She leaned her hand on the counter and turned around, her eyes sweeping across the room, landing on that one sleeping figure, she was looking for.

Nurmi.

He was still sleeping peacefully, tucked under the sheets, finally being able to properly rest after everything they've been through. Karppi moved her gaze across the back of his head and she felt her heart skipped a beat, just at thought of the state she found him in yesterday.

Tied up, his upper body hidden in the depths of the cold water when he was desperately fighting for every breath, his body rioting against this kind of treatment, wanting nothing more than just give up.

But she managed to save him, again , being there just in time, in the last moment saving him from the death. She could still remember the way her hands were shaking when she was desperately pressing the buttons, with her eyes wide opened waiting for the rope to shorten, praying so it would pull him out quicker, faster, silent curses escaping her mouth when in anticipation she was waiting for his head to emerge above the water level.

And finally, it did, his eyes opening wide when he was desperately gasping, hungrily swallowing the air, finally being able to breathe again. And this warm feeling spreading across her chest when she saw him, safe and sound, that terrible weight lifted from her chest when she realized that he was alive, that huge relief filling her whole body, almost surprising her, the feeling too strong to be just the concern for a colleague.

„Could you wake him up?” Karppi asked his son, who happily approached sleeping Nurmi and with no delicacy in his gesture, he started to shake poor man, finally waking him up.

„Mom told me to wake you up. She made coffee.” He declared, adjusting the backpack and heading towards the door. „Bye, mom!”

„Give me a kiss.” Karppi looked after his son who just shook his head.

„No.” He decided stubbornly and Karppi sighed.

„Have fun at school!" She shouted after him, before the door slammed closed when Emil left the apartment.

„Bye, Emil.” Nurmi murmured, with a silent groan straightening and looking around. He scratched the back of his head before his eyes landed on Karppi, still standing in the same place in front of the coffee machine on his counter.

With a sigh he adjusted his shirt, squinting just a little bit at the strange pounding inside his skull and finally he stood up, slowly approaching the woman waiting in his kitchen.

„I learned how to use the espresso machine.” Karppi triumphantly raised both of the cups into the air, the corners of her lips twitching just so slightly, threatening of raising into a true, proud smile when she set them both down, one for her, one for him.

Nurmi looked down at the cups and he smirked, corners of his lips lifting in a smile.

„You both spent the night here?" He asked suddenly, softly, silently, with a hint of surprise, almost like he didn't believe that she truly did stay, but also gratitude in his voice, an unspoken 'thank you' hidden behind this one simple sentence.

She didn't answer. Instead, she just nodded, her eyes still locked on him when she raised the cup to her lips, taking a full sip and for a moment savoring the delicious taste of a dark hot liquid on her tongue.

But her gaze refused to look back from him, her eyes too drawn to his, almost hypnotized, when she could just simply stare at him, his bright eyes looking right into hers when they both took a sip of their coffees. Karppi swallowed, slowly licking her lower lip, not even realizing she did that, when she tried to get rid of the remnants of the coffee taste that stayed there and she blinked, once, twice, not being able to do anything else, the look of Nurmi's bright eyes almost magically casting a spell not letting her look away.

What the hell was happening to her?

She blinked again, her thoughts wandering off when she suddenly started to think about everything they've been through. Every single moment since they met again, after not seeing each other for weeks, the way his familiar figure approached her, almost nonchalantly, corner of his lips lifting in a half-smile when he spoke her name, his playful gaze finding her eyes. And her, smiling as well, barely capable of containing a grin appearing on her face when she spoke his name as well, before leaning down and exchanging polite kisses to their cheeks. Only then she realized just how much she missed him, just how much she lacked his serious gaze, his terrible sense of humour, his unsatisfied hunger, his bright eyes, and those thick hair, just asking to tangle her fingers inside them, brushing her hands across them. And the kiss, the one at the harbour, when he grabbed her face into his hands and pressed an almost desperate kiss to her mouth, a kiss that she didn't reciprocate and now she was wondering why the hell she didn't? Maybe it was the whole situation with Henna, maybe it was just the shock of what was happening, but Karppi regretted the way she handled that moment, pushing him away, running from him, from his proximity, from his kiss, from something none of them could name, yet that something he was offering with his kiss. And then his tries to save her, from Mari, following her steps, desperately doing everything he could to save her from the fate that was meant for her. And then the helicopter, when they fell into the ocean, cold water consuming them, consuming every last will of survival they had when in the small space of a safety dingey they were clinging onto each other, hoping for just a little warmth, smallest amounts they could have. Arms wrapped around each other, her body pressed to his in an almost desperate way, and him, hurt, slowly slipping away from her, from her grip, slipping away from the life and her desperate tries to keep him alive, to keep him safe, to keep him with her.

And now?

Now they were here, standing in front of each other, so many unspoken words, hidden desires, silent questions, unspoken feelings they didn't truly understand. Because what was the thing they had? It was way beyond being just partners from work, it was more than being just friends or co-workers. They cared for each other, maybe too much, but was it actually a bad thing?

She was never good with words, never good with feelings, never truly capable of saying out loud what was inside her head. So if she couldn't put a finger on it, couldn't name a feeling that was threatening of consuming her heart whenever he was around her – how could she even properly define it?

Karppi blinked again, realizing that Nurmi was still looking at her intensively, his coffee untouched, when he seemed to be drawn to her, his eyes refusing to look away.

And that's when she decided it was enough.

They risked too much, almost losing their lives in the process and because she couldn't say what the future had in store for her – why should she be afraid of it? Throwing all the caution to the wind and ignoring every single voice screaming inside her head, Karppi took a step forward, placing her hands on the counter when she lifted herself to her toes, gently pressing a soft kiss to the right corner of his mouth.

And then she drew back.

And waited.

Waited for his move, for him to decide what would happen next, waiting for him to make a decision she was too afraid of making herself. Because her kiss was a silent question, a subtle invitation and it was all up to him now what was going to happen next. Her heart was beating like crazy in her chest, when she was patiently waiting, the anticipation almost too much to handle, when with every passing second she was afraid that the sound of her pounding heart will betray her.

And then he finally moved.

He slowly walked around the counter, approaching her in just a few steps and he leaned down, his face being closer and closer to hers but for a split of a second, right before his lips touched hers, he hesitated. Their breaths were already mingling, his, warm, gentle, caressing her lips and hers, ragged, escaping from her parted lips when she looked up and met the questioning gaze of his bright eyes. It almost felt like he was asking her a silent question, wanting to ensure yet again that he read her intentions properly, giving them both this moment to change their minds if any of them would like to. But in her eyes he found all the answers he was looking for and with no hesitation anymore, he finally closed the gap between their lips.

He kissed her, slowly, sweetly, this kiss being so different from all the others they have exchanged so far. When they shared their first one she was drunk, consumed by her sorrow, the one she was trying to drown in a bottle of vodka, and when he came she just needed him, needed the warmth of another person, needed the reminder that she was still alive. And the other? The one they shared in the harbour? That kiss was desperate, almost like he wanted to cling onto her for some reason that only he knew, needing her back then, the only anchor he could find. But now? He took his time, almost like it'd be their first time, gently pressing his mouth to hers, slowly tasting her lips, savoring the feeling of them moving against his. Her eyelids fluttered close at the feeling and she gave in to him, her mouth parting just so slightly when she started to answer his kiss.

And then it deepened, when he reached out to her, his hands cupping her cheeks when she grabbed her face into his grip, just like he always did, almost like with this simple gesture he was letting her know that at this moment, closed in his arms, she was his, no one's else. His kisses grew more urgent, more desperate, more heated when he clung onto her, almost with desperation, like onto dear life, kissing her again and again and again. She reached out to him, her arms wrapping around his neck, when she pulled him even closer, closing every existing gap between their bodies. She didn't even realize he was pushing her back, not until her legs hit the counter and she realized that she had no way to escape him. Not that she had any plans to. She could only give in to all of this, give in to him, her fingers tangling into his hair, her fingernails scraping the base of his neck and Nurmi moaned softly into her lips, melting under her tender touch. His lips were kissing her over and over again, never wanting to stop, hers responding hungrily when Karppi tightened her hold on him. She couldn't say who started this but soon their hands were everywhere, touching, caressing, learning the curves of each other's bodies for the very first time. Their lips meeting in open-mouthed kisses, their tongues swirling together when with the ferocity they were kissing, almost like their lives depended on it.

They were a mess, a mess of limbs, of kisses, two people denying what they have for way too long when for all this time they were trying to ignore this weird attraction between them. But it was there, always there and there was no denying it. But then he suddenly drew back, almost like he realized something and he took a step back, their lips were swollen, their breaths quickened, their chests heaving with heavy breaths, when they kept on staring at each other, suddenly extremely aware of what has just happened between them. Her eyes were desperately searching for his, wanting to ask if she had done anything wrong if there's a reason why he stopped. Nurmi sighed quietly and pressed his forehead to hers, for a moment closing his eyes.

„I have to tell you something...” He said finally.

Karppi blinked, once, twice, her heart beating like crazy in her chest when her mind kept on swirling around the possibilities of what he could want to tell her. To her surprise, he grabbed her hands, gently, softly, yet strong enough, almost like he was trying to soothe her with his presence, or else, almost like he was trying to make sure that she was really there. His thumbs were drawing circles on the insides of her palms when the rest of his fingers were caressing the top of them, circling patterns she couldn't decipher. She could only focus on him, so close to her, his touch so gentle, his presence making her feel so good, so... safe. And then he finally opened his eyes, looking right into hers, the enormous pain in them, that surprised her, when at that moment Karppi realized that the confession he was about to make wasn't the one she was expecting.

And then he finally opened his mouth.

„It's about Henna.”