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Alex Standall isn’t someone that wears color. He wears faded band t-shirts. With jeans. Or dark jackets with white long sleeved shirts underneath. Even his shoes are black. Black Converse. Not even the traditional red. That’s just how he is. He prefers to show color with what he does. What he says. But even Charlie St. George, his boyfriend, thinks it’s bullshit.
‘Everyone needs a little color in their life, Alex!’ Charlie would always say, pulling at his own blue sweater. Alex thinks about that now as he rifles through his clothing drawer. He pulls out a yellow and blue flannel that he does not remember owning. It’s big and bright. And ugly. But he pulls it on anyway. It drapes over his shoulders, the arms falling at least three inches past his own hands. Alex opens the closet and stares at himself in the mirror. He presses his face to the soft fabric and breathes in. Fuck. Cinnamon. Flour. Pinetree air freshener. It’s Charlie’s.
Alex makes his way down the stairs, trying to ignore the burning in his cheeks. He knows he looks ridiculous, but he likes it. It’s soft and it smells good. His fingers grip the end of the sleeves, holding it over his hands, like paws. Jessica looks up from her chair in the kitchen and raises an eyebrow.
“Who are you? And what have you done with Alex Standall?” He rolls his eyes and drops onto the beanbag in the corner of the room. She shakes her head and smiles at him before turning back to her laptop. “Charlie’s going home tomorrow, right?” Alex shrugs, shoving his hands into the pockets of the shirt.
“I guess so. Why?”
“Um, you’re wearing his shirt. And you look sad. He went to get coffee by the way.” Alex shrugs again and buries himself down into the flannel.
“Ok,” Jess rolls her eyes and shakes her head, fingers tapping once again on the laptop. Alex crosses his arms. He isn’t that sad about Charlie leaving. He visits often enough. But, there is a different, unfamiliar sting. Ok, so, maybe he wants Charlie to stay a little longer. But that’s not why he’s gotten all sad and is wearing his shirt. It’s not.
An hour has gone by and Alex is getting restless. Jessica has taken her keys and gone out, so he’s all alone. And bored. And contemplating whether he’s actually maybe (very) heartbroken that Charlie’s leaving the next day. He rubs his eyes and sighs, pressing his fingers against his forehead. And all he can think about is soft brown hair and soft skin. And long legs and a handsome grin. He lets out a shaky breath through his nose and leans back, letting his head hit the wall behind him.
“Alex?” The boy sits up abruptly, hearing Charlie enter the room. He leaps up and flings his arms around Charlie’s neck, sighing. “Wha-“ Alex cuts him off.
“Fuck, Charlie, I love you.”
“I love you too, Alex. What is this? Are you sick? Oh my god, Alex, why didn’t you tell me?” Charlie’s eyes are wide and he leads Alex to the kitchen table.
“Charles, I’m fine. I just missed you.” The smaller boy crosses his arms over his chest, as if to show off the shirt he’s wearing. His boyfriend raises an eyebrow and pulls at one of his sleeves.
“Is this mine?” Alex nods tentatively, watching his face carefully. Charlie flushes, the slight sprinkle of freckles over his cheeks, standing out bright against the red. “Alex,” he mutters softly, rubbing the back of his neck. It’s too much, and soon, Alex has surged forward, pressing their lips together. And Charlie is so in love with this boy. So he threads a gentle hand into Alex’s hair and kisses him back.
It’s everything Alex needs but also too much for him. Because Charlie can’t stay forever and Alex wants him to. He wants to wake up next to him every morning. Wants to go on walks to get coffee every weekend. Wants kisses on the kitchen counter. Wants giggly and awkward movie nights. Needs Charlie to stay with him forever. But he can’t and as Alex pulls away, he feels himself start to cry. But he holds the tears back and puts on a shaky smile. Just for Charlie. But his boyfriend sees through the mask and sighs, pushing Alex’s hair away from his face.
“You know I want to stay with you forever, right?” Alex narrows his eyes. “I do, Alex. I do. And we will, if you want. After I graduate. And after college. Which does seem far away! But! I will visit every fucking day, Alex. I love you and you aren’t getting rid of me that fast.” Alex sniffs before laughing and covering his face with one of the flannel sleeves.
“Can’t you stay a little longer? Please?” Charlie presses his face into the side of Alex’s neck.
“I’ll see what I can do.”