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There’s a difference between ‘light up’ and ‘warm’.
It was the little things that people did that made him light up; seeing people carry around their own handkerchiefs, people bringing sanitizer, small things like that.
It was the little things resident asshole, Miya ‘I think everyone else is trash’ Atsumu did for him in particular that made him warm.
Miya Atsumu was loud, pushy and annoying. The word ‘asshole’ in the dictionary was followed by a picture of the setter. Miya Atsumu was a brat, and Sakusa Kiyoomi couldn’t stand him when they first met.
Sakusa almost walked out upon seeing Atsumu at the MSBY tryouts; he clearly remembered how Atsumu had been at training camps, and he didn’t want to deal with that every day. Instead of leaving, though, Sakusa just sighed and glared at Atsumu when the blonde looked at him.
That was a while ago; now, they were only a slight bit closer. They could tolerate each other when needed, but still sent colourful insults flying every second they had the chance.
Sakusa’s definition of Atsumu was that he was a self-centred brat who liked to boss people around. After weeks and months of playing with Atsumu, his opinion stayed the same.
But that was before Sakusa looked closer.
The MSBY Black Jackals had spent enough time together to know that Sakusa hated being touched; he despised it and avoided it at all costs. After a strong, air-splitting spike, they’d simply raise their fists in the air; it was a silent congratulations. Sakusa returned these gestures, and then they’d start the next rally.
Unfortunately, the fans didn’t know this about Sakusa, and a lot of them (especially children) would try to touch Sakusa. Sometimes it was a pat on the back, other times a kid would grab his hand, and occasionally a fan would sling their arm around Sakusa’s shoulders for a picture.
Sakusa hated meeting fans for this exact reason. He was grateful for their support, but he hated the touching, the gifts and the closeness of them.
Even so, he sucked it up and tried not to panic in front of his supporters.
Atsumu didn’t notice it the first time they’d met fans; he didn’t notice the second or the third time. Actually, it was their fifth fan meet, after a game they’d won, where Atsumu had noticed Sakusa.
Sakusa, who was standing stiffly, arms pressed to his side, mouth in a thin line, eyebrows furrowed. His eyes screamed panic, but apparently nobody else noticed, because the other players kept talking to fans and fans kept going up to Sakusa and touching him and giving him gifts.
Something clicked in Atsumu’s brain; touch. Without thinking, he surged forwards and stood next to Sakusa (keeping about ruler’s length away from the spiker) and interrupted the fans going up. He smiled brightly, answering their questions and accepting their gifts.
Sakusa was confused at first. What was Atsumu doing, and why was he taking away his fans? Self-centred prick.
And then he realised.
Take away his fans. His fan’s attention was on Atsumu now; nobody was touching him, nobody was giving him things. He exhaled shakily and took a few more deep breaths, forcing himself to relax a bit as Atsumu loudly continued talking. Sakusa took a few steps away from the fans, noticing how Atsumu quickly glanced at him and smiled before turning back to the supporters. He was at a safe distance now. The fans still hadn’t noticed him, Atsumu was still keeping him busy, and he was safe.
A minute later, Meian announced their departure, and the fans cleared out. Sakusa breathed a sigh of relief at the crowd finally leaving, and glanced over at Atsumu, who was waving to one of them as they walked away. Atsumu turned towards him, smile still in place, and upon seeing Sakusa, raised his eyebrows and stuck a thumbs-up in the air.
Are you okay?
Sakusa blinked and raised his own thumb. Atsumu smiled a bit wider and turned to talk to Hinata, chatting about gifts.
This continued every fan meet; Atsumu would come over about half way through, and Sakusa would step away for a bit. After they left, Atsumu would always raise a thumb in a silent question, and Sakusa would always answer.
Atsumu started coming over earlier with every fan meet, interrupting sooner and answering questions with Sakusa until he slowly slipped out of the conversation. Atsumu interrupted earlier and earlier until it got to the point where they were together from the very start of the meet; the fans got used to it too. They’d ask both Atsumu and Sakusa questions, and they’d both respond.
In a strange, fleeting moment where he must’ve still been running on adrenaline, Sakusa thought, I’m glad he’s here. He got rid of the thought immediately and answered another question.
The best part about having Atsumu next to him was that Atsumu would discreetly get a fan to stand next to him instead of between the two players, meaning that Sakusa wouldn’t have to touch strangers for a picture. He got used to only having to stand close to Atsumu for pictures, and he was grateful for that.
Although, there was one time when he had delicately placed his hand on the small of Atsumu’s back for a picture. He really wasn’t thinking, and washed his hands three times afterwards, but in a strange, out-of-character way, he hadn’t minded the contact. Atsumu had jumped at the touch and went so red in the face that Sakusa would honestly do it again just for that. A fan even asked why Atsumu’s face was so red, and all he could say was, ‘ah, still coolin’ down from that match’.
They didn’t talk about it afterwards.
Sakusa upgraded his definition of Atsumu to self-centred, but can do other people a favour sometimes.
Being a professional volleyball team, MSBY were always on the move from city to city to play other teams. They were paired up in groups of two sharing a rather expensive room at a well-reviewed hotel. Sakusa had been paired up with both Bokuto and Hinata at least once and vowed to never room with them again.
(Bokuto kicked in his sleep; he never stayed still, even when he wasn’t awake. Hinata was up in the late hours of the night messaging his boyfriend and someone from Brazil who he’d played with a bit; the bright light was distracting.)
This time around, Sakusa was paired with Atsumu, and was nervous about it. He was nervous because he was sure that Atsumu was going to be loud and annoying, like he was the rest of the time.
He was even more nervous when he noticed that Atsumu had left earlier than he had after training one day.
Meian kept him back a little to compliment his spikes and give him a few basic pointers about blocks, and in that time, Atsumu had packed up and left, on his way back to their shared room. Sakusa hurried back, almost running, trying to convince himself that it couldn’t be that bad showering after Atsumu. The thought put him off.
Sakusa always showered first; it was a part of his routine. No matter who he was rooming with, he always made sure to shower first, so that the shower was as clean as possible for him. Sakusa knew he was probably overreacting, but he couldn’t help it. He was worried. He quickened his pace, panicking quite a bit, and slammed open the door of his and Atsumu’s shared room.
Atsumu stood next to his bed, shuffling through his bag. He snapped his head over to Sakusa upon hearing the bang of the door and froze when he saw Sakusa puffing, eyes wide.
“Oh, Omi-Omi, don’t scare me like that!” Atsumu huffed. “Ya nearly gave me a heart attack.”
Sakusa stepped in and closed the door, looking for any signs that Atsumu had used the shower. His skin was damp, but his hair wasn’t wet.
Atsumu stared back, confused, before realising and letting out a puff of laughter.
“I haven’t taken a shower yet. Get yer ass in there, I’m sweatin’ balls over here,” Atsumu says, and Sakusa blinks.
“You haven’t taken a shower?” He says slowly.
“Nah, not yet,” Atsumu responds. “Ya like to take showers and baths first, don’t cha?”
Sakusa’s eyes widen a bit, and he just stares at Atsumu for a minute. “You waited?”
Atsumu nods. “I really want a shower, so hurry the fuck up.”
Sakusa blinks again before walking over to his bed and setting his bag down next to it. He pulls off his jacket and delicately folds it and places it on the end of his bed before making his way to the bathroom.
When he gets inside, he finds that Atsumu was telling the truth; the shower is completely dry, mirror not fogged up. Sakusa stands there for a minute, just thinking about the fact that Atsumu waited for Sakusa so that he could shower first. Atsumu, who normally doesn’t give a fuck about anybody else, had patiently waited for Sakusa.
Sakusa had been panicking so much that the thought hadn’t even crossed his mind; actually, even if Sakusa had a clear head, he still probably wouldn’t have thought that.
His shower is nice; the water is hot and strips away the sweat from training, taking it off his skin and out his hair.
Sakusa steps out five minutes later and grabs his towel, scrubbing it over his mop of black curls before wrapping it around his waist. The door to the bathroom opens and he walks out, clothes in hand, to see Atsumu sitting on the ground in the corner of the room. His towel from training is underneath him. He looks up from his phone, smiles at Sakusa, and rises to his feet. Atsumu takes off his jacket and throws it on his bed, then puts his training towel next to his bag and finally makes his way to the bathroom. Sakusa is still standing at the door. He steps out of the way so that Atsumu can pass him, but he finds himself reaching out and softly grabbing Atsumu’s bicep as he walks past.
“Thanks,” Sakusa mutters, before letting go and taking a step back. Atsumu stands there for a hot minute, staring and trying to form words, before grinning ear to ear.
“Anytime, Omi-Omi!”
Atsumu disappears into the bathroom. As soon as the door is shut, Sakusa reaches for his sanitizer and squirts a small amount into his hands, then rubs it in. He’s again questioning himself on why he suddenly touched Atsumu, but he pushes the thoughts away as fast as possible.
It’s a few hours later, after dinner, when they’ve returned to their room to sleep, that Sakusa finds himself always wanting to room with Atsumu.
Atsumu turned off the lights and got into bed just after Sakusa. There’s a bright light and Sakusa immediately thinks, fuck, he’s just like Hinata, but then Atsumu groans and flips his phone upside down.
“You’re not gonna respond to that?” Sakusa questions.
“The night is for sleeping, not for responding to Samu’s gay panics about Suna.” Atsumu rolls over, facing Sakusa’s bed. “Plus, isn’t havin’ a bright light annoyin’ when yer tryna sleep?”
Sakusa doesn’t respond. He just stares at the outline of Atsumu’s figure underneath the blankets of the bed.
“Night, Miya,” Sakusa settles for, and rolls over. He hears Atsumu chuckle from the other side of the room, hears a bit of shifting, and then a very soft, ‘night, Omi-kun’ and then nothing.
That’s it for the whole night. Atsumu doesn’t say anything else; he just sleeps. It’s so much better than rooming with Bokuto and Hinata, who keep him awake until ass o’clock in the morning. It’s surprising, because he thought that Atsumu would be the worst to room with, but he finds himself thinking that it’s the best. Atsumu waited to shower and doesn’t stay up until three am, and that’s all he could really ask for.
(The bar is on the floor, but Sakusa appreciates Atsumu none the less.)
He finds that his definition changes from doing favours sometimes to being nice when it counts.
Sakusa finds himself watching Atsumu more during practice; he starts noticing how Atsumu sanitizes his hands before and after every practice, and notes that it’s the brand he likes. Atsumu often sits next to Sakusa on the bus or at team dinners, but also makes sure that Sakusa is sitting away from everybody else; when on the bus, he makes sure Sakusa is sitting up front in the window seat, as far away as possible from everyone but Atsumu. At dinners, he makes sure Sakusa is sitting on the end of the table, so that he doesn’t have to go in front of other people to get up.
He notices that Atsumu wears a mask when they go out in public now, when he never used to, and now, when they’re rooming together, Atsumu helps him clean the room before they settle in.
Every time they’re put together to room, Atsumu laughs and says, ‘Looks like you’re stuck with me again, Omi-Omi!’, and Sakusa just rolls his eyes, but never admits that he’s asked Meian every time if he could be so kind as to put Atsumu and him together.
Atsumu’s started waiting for him after training, so now they walk to their room together. Atsumu complains about the weather and about some botched sets and serves he did that day, while Sakusa just listens. When they get back to their room, Atsumu always waits and lets Sakusa shower first.
There are so many little things that Atsumu’s done, and slowly but surely, Sakusa’s feeling more and more comfortable around Atsumu.
In fact, he feels comfortable enough to touch Atsumu more.
It’s actually kinda funny how Atsumu jumps every time Sakusa lays a finger on him; that red spreads across his face and his words get a little jumbled. Even so, they never talk about the touching, they just accept it as another thing that they do.
The touches are light; sometimes, Sakusa pats his back or high-fives him after a good set (to which the rest of the team’s jaws drop), and other times, he knocks his knee against Atsumu’s on the bus. Sakusa starts sitting closer to him at dinner, close enough to learn that Atsumu uses a very strong but very nice smelling honey soap.
If he uses this soap the next time he showers and tries (and fails) to not let Atsumu figure it out, well… that’s not for anyone else to know.
(His excuse is that he ‘forgot’ his soap, which is ridiculous; this is Sakusa Kiyoomi, king of ‘not sharing anything because yours has germs on it’. Atsumu doesn’t believe it for a second, but he’s so flustered that he simply lets it slide.)
And that happens almost every time they room, now; it’s gotten to the point where Sakusa doesn’t even bring his own soap, because he knows that he’ll be using Atsumu’s.
It’s a month after Sakusa stops bringing his own soap that he realises with fear that he actually likes Atsumu, and not in the way of a friend, or a teammate, but rather as a romantic interest whom he’d like to… hug.
And if he was being honest, a kiss from Atsumu didn’t sound that bad either.
Sakusa was confused and a bit scared upon realising his feelings, but it only made him stare at Atsumu more. He spent too much time looking and trying to figure out why he liked Atsumu, so much time that he almost missed a set from Atsumu because he was staring at the setter’s face instead of the ball.
He realised that his feelings were in the careful, perfect sets Atsumu sent up for him.
Were in the way Atsumu waited for Sakusa after training.
In the way Atsumu let Sakusa shower first.
The way Atsumu stood with him during fan meets.
The way Atsumu helped with cleaning.
The way Atsumu smiled upon Sakusa’s gentle touches.
Sakusa realises that Atsumu has never touched him back; he’s always just sat, or stood, and let Sakusa place a hand on his back, or press a knee against his own.
And he realises then that he wants Atsumu to touch him back, which leads him to his current state.
Atsumu had finished showering; his hair had just started to dry, and he was sitting on his bed, phone in hand. Sakusa took a deep breath and told himself that everything was okay, and for once, he believed it.
He rose to his feet and took the few careful steps over to Atsumu’s bed; he stopped right in front of the setter, standing so that his legs just barely made contact with Atsumu’s knees. Atsumu looked up at Sakusa, meeting his gaze, and shut off his phone and put it to the side. Sakusa’s chest got a little warmer just watching the way Atsumu immediately made Sakusa the priority, over whoever he was messaging just now.
“Ya all good?” Atsumu questioned. Sakusa stared back down.
“Hug me,” Sakusa responded. His tone was flat, as per usual, and it thankfully hid the nervousness that filled his body. Atsumu blinked twice, eyes wide as saucepans.
“Huh?!”
“Hug me.”
“Ya want me to… hug ya?” Atsumu repeated, uncertainty in his voice.
“If you don’t want to, you should have said—”
“Wait, wait, wait, I do, I do!” Atsumu interrupted. “’S just… ya don’t like touch. Are ya sure yer okay with this?”
Atsumu was giving him an out.
Sakusa added another thing to his ever-growing list of reasons why he had fallen for Atsumu; he seemed like a prickly bastard who didn’t care about him, but in reality, Atsumu was always looking out for him, and it had only become more evident in recent weeks.
Sakusa knew that he could easily say ‘actually, no, I don’t want to’, but he felt himself not wanting to walk away. He found himself wanting to go closer.
“Hug me,” Sakusa said again. “I’m okay with it.”
Atsumu paused for a moment, face blank, and then his face lit up in the biggest smile Sakusa had ever seen.
“Alright!” Atsumu said happily. He raised his arms slowly, keeping his eyes trained on Sakusa’s face. Sakusa took a deep breath in, and Atsumu paused, raising an eyebrow. Sakusa simply nodded, and Atsumu’s arms finally wrapped around his middle, hands meeting around Sakusa’s back, fingers interlocked. Atsumu’s arms are only just touching him; it’s feather-light, barely there, and Sakusa is fine with it so far. Sakusa wants more.
He steps forward, closer to Atsumu, close enough that now he’s standing between Atsumu’s legs. He raises his own arms and softly places his hands on Atsumu’s shoulders. Atsumu just sits there and breathes in time with Sakusa, watching, wanting to do more but not daring to go further.
Sakusa’s hands slide down Atsumu’s arms to his elbows which rest on his hips; he presses them harder into his skin, and Atsumu takes that as a sign to hug him tighter, so he does.
Sakusa feels many things as he stands there in Atsumu’s arms, but there are two that stand out; one, he feels warm, and two, he feels safe.
He feels the warmth from Atsumu’s arms through the fabric of his clothes, and it’s welcome; it feels nice, and it makes him feel safe. Right here, right now, he doesn’t feel dirty, he doesn’t feel like he needs to get away as soon as possible; he feels comfortable with being touched.
Sakusa trusts Atsumu.
Sakusa leans forward, which startles Atsumu a bit. He leans forward and brings his left knee to the outside of Atsumu’s right leg, then does the same with his other leg. Sakusa drops himself forwards, moving his arms up from his own hips so that they wrap around Atsumu’s neck, and he seats himself in the setter’s lap and just breathes.
Nothing has ever felt so right, nothing has ever made him feel so at peace. He drops his head to Atsumu’s shoulder and hugs him tighter; Atsumu’s grip tightens around him.
Keeping his grip firm, Atsumu leans back slowly, making sure Sakusa was leaning on his chest, and lies down on the bed. Both keep their arms around each other. They roll so that they’re on their side, chest to chest, and Atsumu feels Sakusa smile against his neck.
He’s selfish for what he’s saying and he knows it, but Atsumu says it anyway.
“I like ya, Omi-Omi,” Atsumu mumbles. “For a while. Sorry I didn’t tell ya sooner.”
Sakusa remains still for a split second before moving his head backwards and resting it against the bed; they’re eye-to-eye now, and all of Atsumu’s nerves come rushing up.
“You like me?” Sakusa whispers. Atsumu can’t seem to get his voice to work, so he just nods.
“For a while?”
Atsumu nods again, then closes his eyes.
There’s a warmth against his forehead. Atsumu opens his eyes almost as fast as he closed them, and resists the urge to jerk away upon seeing how close Sakusa is. Their foreheads are touching, noses brushing, and all Atsumu can see is Sakusa’s inky black eyes staring back at him.
There’s a softness in those eyes, and then Sakusa moves his chin up. His lips brush against Atsumu’s as he mumbles, “Me too.”
Sakusa closes the gap and kisses Atsumu softly, a sweet, short kiss that leaves Sakusa with a smile on his lips.
Atsumu’s smiling, too, and he laughs quietly as he pulls Sakusa in for another one.
And then another two.
They’ve lost count by the time Atsumu pulls back and asks, “And you’re okay with this?”
“Yeah,” Sakusa replies. “I’m getting better. With you. Other people I’m still unsure of, though. But with you, I’m fine. I trust you.”
Atsumu’s smile could power all of Tokyo as he tugs Sakusa in for another one.
In the morning, when Sakusa wakes up in Atsumu’s arms, in Atsumu’s bed, he still feels safe. He eases himself up and has his morning shower, and Atsumu’s waiting for him when he gets out. Atsumu asks for a kiss, and Sakusa is more than happy to comply, leaning down to join their lips.
They go to training and bicker like normal, but there’s a few more smiles, a few more touches, and a few more knowing glances from their team.
Atsumu lets Sakusa shower first and gives him a kiss on the cheek as he walks by.
At dinner, they sit closer than before, and Sakusa intertwines their pinky fingers underneath the table.
In their own room, Atsumu runs his hands through Sakusa’s hair, excitedly commenting about how it was just as soft as he’d thought. Sakusa puts his hands on Atsumu’s cheeks and kisses him. Atsumu laughs against his lips.
They become known as the dynamic duo of the professional volleyball world; Sakusa and Atsumu, setter and spiker, almost never apart anymore. They stick together during fan meets, and slowly, Sakusa allows the fan to stand in between him and Atsumu with minimal complaints. Their quick attack evolves, their trust gets stronger, and they grow together.
Sakusa happily finds his definition of Atsumu changing one last time. Miya Atsumu, upon first glance, seems like a self-centred prick, and in some ways, he is. But upon closer inspection, Miya Atsumu is a caring person who helps in the best moments. He’s a person who will always be there, a person who is reliable and trustworthy. He’s considerate, even though he may not seem it at times. He’s the love of Sakusa Kiyoomi’s life, and that’s all that Sakusa really cares about. Atsumu is warmth, is safety and is a home; Sakusa couldn’t stand him at first, but now, he’d do anything to keep him.
Miya Atsumu is Sakusa Kiyoomi’s.