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There's not much Newt can do whenever he feels the sudden surge of anxiety, when he feels he can't spend another day in the glade. Usually he just walks the perimeter of the glade over and over again until he feels somewhat better. Some nights it takes longer than others. He swears this is the last time when he finds himself doing this.
It's hopeful thinking.
Newt's sneakers kick up some dirt from the path he's walking on. It's a little chilly tonight, but cuddling up to Thomas would warm him right up. He would still feel some anxiety bubbling up inside, but most of it would be pushed down by happiness.
He didn't know how he had become so lucky to have someone like Thomas to love him. Thomas had become Newt's whole life practically. Some days he was the only thing that got Newt through a day. Newt tried not to rely on Thomas so heavily because they didn't know how much time they had together, but it's nice to have someone to lean on in life.
Newt almost felt guilty relying on Thomas because everyone in the glade kind of did. He had so much on his plate that he shouldn't have to worry about Newt. He hoped that Thomas never discovered his late night habit. He didn't want Thomas worrying about him. The boy already had enough to worry about as it was.
Newt's mile minute thoughts abruptly stopped when he saw the homestead in the distance and he started to pick up his pace. As he got closer he could see Thomas sitting up right in his sleeping bag.
Once Newt was close enough, Thomas got up and pulled the blonde into a hug. Newt saw the big smile on Thomas' face when they pulled away.
"Hey, is everything alright?" Thomas asked in a gentle and soothing voice.
Something busted in Newt at that moment, and he found himself start to cry. He pulled Thomas back into a hug, burying his face in the other boy’s neck.
They stayed like that for sometime until Thomas finally pulled away to look Newt in the face.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Thomas asked.
All Newt could do was shake his head no. Thomas led Newt back to their sleeping bag. They tucked themselves tightly against one another
.
Thomas fell asleep almost immediately. Newt stayed up for a little while longer, listening to Thomas' soft breathing next to him. It'll be embarrassing in the morning, having to talk to Thomas about what’s going on. It will be embarrassing, but also a good thing. Thomas deserves to know what’s happening. It'll be freeing.
No matter what's going on, Thomas will always be there for Newt. He is protected, cherished, taken care of, and loved.
Newt may not deserve Thomas, but he definitely needs him.