Work Text:
Seungkwan looked at the his buzzing phone. It kept flashing Seungcheol's name and he wasn't really in a mood to answer the older. He didn't bother to open the messages that was coming in as well.
Honestly, he was just so tired. He deserved a break
The phone buzzed again.
Ah, so annoying.
'Why aren't you answering me, Boo Seungkwan?! What the fuck are you thinking, taking a leave at this time? People are talking about you in the office. Fucking call me when you see this.'
Pity, Seungkwan had no desire to read any text. He turned off his phone immediately, knowing what would be written in it. He took his car key and drove away.
A day, just one fucking day, let me be free.
***
Seungkwan glanced at the mirror reflecting the back of his car. There, his bag looked so tiny. It seemed like he was bringing too little even though it was filled with almost all of his casual clothes. A brief thought crossed his head, "Where's my laptop?"
Ah, fuck.
"Of course I've to think about that," Seungkwan sighed at himself.
Having work thoughts was almost a habit apparently. Although, he was already leaving Seoul, his mind was still there.
His hand reached to turn up the music volume, a form of distraction. Then, a familiar song played loudly, filling the car with pleasant noises.
Dreams that filled up my room,
Lost meaning page by page,
Now it has faded
A small smirk painted on Seungkwan's face as he heard the lyrics. Reminding him of the old days, the days where there was something called dream. He was too young, too naïve, and too stupid for believing them.
But was it truly a dream?
The things that he was trying to achieve were never something he wanted because of passion. He remained confused when people asked him why did he take this job.
He was just following what was expected of him. Getting in the best university in the country, taking a good major that wouldn't embarrass his family, working in a huge company. Those were vague goals everyone had in their lives.
So, honestly, calling them his dreams would be an insult to people who actually had dream.
"You work so hard every day. What are you trying to achieve?" Seungcheol once asked him. That week, they were working long hours even on the weekend. Seungcheol was clearly annoyed that Seungkwan refused to go home until he finished his tasks.
"It's work. We have to work hard for work."
"You're doing it excessively, you know. I mean it's good quality, but what are you going to get from it?" Seungcheol sighed.
"I like it, Hyung."
"You're not fooling anyone, Seungkwan."
Back then, Seungkwan didn't understand what Seungcheol meant by that. Nobody ever tried to ask him what he wanted, he just kept moving forward without knowing that wanting to move forward was not what you call a dream.
Suddenly, the air inside the car felt so heavy, Seungkwan felt like he needed to stop and breathe outside.
He realized that he was in the middle of nowhere, with his phone battery dying and his destination still far away. If he ever get lost or his car broke down, he would be in a complete mess huh?
"But that would be fun," Seungkwan instantly said out loud. "I haven't had any fun in while."
Call him dumb for wanting to have weird adventure, he still wanted it.
"You some dumbass, huh?" A strange voice greeted him from behind. "Broke your car too?"
Seungkwan whipped his head.
There stood a kind of handsome stranger who looked at him pitifully.
"Uh," Seungkwan managed to say back. "Who are you?"
"Hansol," the stranger put out his hand in a friendly manner. He grabbed Seungkwan's hand forcefully when Seungkwan hesitated to shake his hand. "My car broke down there. I was resting from a long walk when I saw your car broke—"
"It's not broken," Seungkwan cut him. "I am not some dumbass who broke my car in the middle of nowhere."
"Nah, no need to get so riled up." Hansol had to take a step back and put his hand in front of him. Seungkwan didn't realize it himself when he stepped forward threateningly.
"Sorry," Seungkwan looked away.
"Bad day?"
"Not as bad as yours," Seungkwan smiled weakly. He took a deep breath before he looked at the stranger again.
It finally dawned him how extremely handsome the man was, but also had a very bad fashion style. Of course, Seungkwan wouldn't point out how ugly his shirt was. That'd be rude.
"Anyway," Seungkwan forced a smile. "So, you're like deserted right now?"
"Yeah, phone dead, car broken. I know I look like shit too. Just gotta wait for someone to drive by."
"You do realize I have a working car, right? I just told you that."
Hansol didn't answer as he blinked several times in silence.
"Did I break you or what?" Seungkwan snapped his fingers. Hansol blinked again as he looked like a confused statue.
"You're right." Hansol's voice cracked as if he was in the verge of crying. "I am saved. Fuck, I just realized I no longer have to sleep on those filthy grasses again, I'm just so happy."
"Okay, but don't cry," Seungkwan patted Hansol's shoulder, reassuring the stranger.
What a weird man.
***
As he sat on the seat beside Seungkwan, Hansol wasn't as loud anymore. He was just quietly observing the scenery as Seungkwan drove toward his destination, the nearest hotel that he'd find, and only god knew where that place was. But, Hansol certainly didn't need to know how he was driving and only depending on pure luck.
Which reminded him that he didn't know where Hansol was heading.
"You haven't told me where I should drop you off." Seungkwan asked.
Hansol didn't answer for while which made Seungkwan drifted his attention to the passenger. He raised his eyebrow in a silent question.
"What if I told you that I have no idea?"
Well, so am I.
But, Seungkwan answered something else instead, "I'll say that's weird."
"I know," Hansol pouted, his fingers playing around relentlessly. "But I really have no idea. I was just driving aimlessly."
Oh... is he running away just like me?
"You are really weird," Seungkwan said while smiling widely.
"I know but please don't throw me away-"
"But, I'm not any different either."
They accidentally spoke at the same time that it took a while for both of them to react to each other's statement.
Seungkwan was laughing hard as he looked at the confused Hansol.
"What?" Hansol grabbed Seungkwan's shoulder. "You mean we're both lost with no way to call anyone?"
"Ugh, maybe?"
"Seriously!?"
"At least I know there is something living in a few kilometers from here and there should be a decent hotel as well. We could charge our phone and... I don't know, stay alive?" Seungkwan tried to reassure the stranger with empty words.
Hansol sighed as he finallly let go of Seungkwan's shoulder. Seungkwan thought he looked like he was giving up on life. "I think we'll keep seeing trees till the end of the world. I mean I kinda want to leave the city but only for a while not forever, Damnit."
"You're so fucking dumb."
"You mean," Hansol glared, "We are."
***
After almost an hour on the road, Hansol actually felt bored. Or at least that was what Seungkwan thought. A bored Hansol seemed to be a lot more chatty too, insulting him here and there.
"Do you actually know where that hotel is?" Hansol asked. "We're getting nowhere."
"I know-I know, don't worry!" Seungkwan answered, trying to reassure him again. He kind of forgot the route but he was sure he could solve this.
"Your tone is telling me otherwise," Hansol narrowed his eyes at Seungkwan which made him a little bit embarrassed to be caught lying. "Don't fuck this up. We're going to run out of gas."
"There is still a lot of them, don't worry!"
"I feel like you're the one who is worried right now." Hansol pointed out, rendering Seungkwan speechless. It was true after all.
The navigator wouldn't work in this area, Seungkwan was unprepared enough that he didn't think of saving the route offline, now it truly was a matter of luck whether they would at least find anything living.
"I guess we fucked up," Hansol repeated. As if Seungkwan didn't chant it in his head plenty enough. "At least we're going to die together."
"Ugh," Seungkwan grimaced. "Why are you like this? We'll be fine, I think..." His voice going quieter.
"You think," Seungkwan felt like Hansol mocked him, very rudely. He snapped his head to glare at the stranger. "I don't trust you..."
"Then do you want to get off the car or-"
"Especially after I know that you have awful taste of music," The annoying brat pointed out unnecessarily.
Seungkwan gasped.
My playlist's songs were fucking great, mind you!
"You have no right to insult my taste of music. I bet you are those people who think that Park Hyoshin is boring." Seungkwan then delivered his insult. "Tasteless!"
"Well, you can't listen to IU's Knees in any kind of trip."
"But IU's Knees is great!" Seungkwan shouted.
"It's not for roadtrip!" Hansol shouted back.
"Who cares!"
"You're going to get sleepy!"
If I fall asleep lightly from your nice touch
Just let me stay for a moment
Don’t wake me up, I’m going to sleep tight
The lyrics suddenly felt much more louder than before. It just had to pinpoint how right Hansol was. It'd never make Seungkwan take back his word.
"So, what if I want to sleep? I can just sleep..." Seungkwan mumbled under his breath.
"What? In the middle of the empty road? Some bad guys would mug you if they see." Hansol huffed in annoyance, his arms crossed tightly on his chest.
Ugh, a point was made. Seungkwan had to think for an excuse.
Lucky me, I found one.
"I could sleep at that hotel!" He said cheerfully because he won, he won this argument with a total stranger. Which is very unimportant and not life-changing.
But why does it feel really nice? Weird.
"What fucking hotel?!" Hansol rolled his eyes.
"That hotel, you dumb shit." He pointed at a sign displaying a very nice hotel, his smile faded somehow.
Hansol was awfullly silent for losing. Was Seungkwan too harsh on him? "Hey, why aren't you replying?"
Seconds passed and Seungkwan started to think Hansol wasn't breathing. He turned his head to look at Hansol briefly, he regretted it immediately as he saw a disgusting look. Hansol was sobbing quietly beside him. Did he have to cry just because he lost an argument?
"Fucking wipe you nose," Seungkwan snickered.
"The fuck, we fucking found the hotel! We're safe. Oh my god, I don't have to listen to your awful music anymore!"
Okay, what the fuck.
"You don't have to hit the brake so suddenly like that, Dumbass." Hansol scoffed.
Seungkwan didn't hear any of that as he tried to register that the sign up there was fucking real and he was in fact saved.
***
Hansol gleamed after they finally arrived in front of the hotel. Seungkwan was sure that he mirrored that look as well. They walked side by side as they tried to find the receptionist.
"There isn't going to be any dramatic shit like they only have one room left, right?" Hansol laughed jokingly.
Seungkwan didn't like the joke at all, he stayed silent.
It was already dark outside and finding another place would be bothersome for he was so tired already. He'd also need to fill his gas first.
"Please give me the best room available here." Hansol spoke first to the receptionist, his tone was nothing humble.
Seungkwan looked at the other man who dared to wink at him as if showing how much money he had. He felt irritated somehow.
"Give me another room. Very far from him, Please," Seungkwan smiled as sweet as he possibly could. However, the receptionist looked scared at him instead. Which was not a good sign.
The staff then asked both of them, "How long-"
Seungkwan didn't bother to hear more before he cut her question, "Only for one night."
Hansol studied him after he finished answering. Seungkwan could hear his question in his head even without him speaking out loud.
***
A brief internet search showed Seungkwan where exactly he was stranded. A pretty good place actually, a green tea field with familiar city name. They said it was a popular place. It was fun learning something new around him.
A picture of a pretty beach stopped him from scrolling.
Yulpo Beach?
The place wasn't far from the hotel, he suddenly felt an urge to visit the place. He only had tonight after all.
"Do you know how can I reach Yulpo Beach?" He asked a grumpy young staff who was cleaning outside. There was an evidence that he was smoking and rushed to grab the nearest broom when he saw Seungkwan coming. He didn't feel sorry at all for bothering the staff.
"There is no bus running at this hour. You can rent a car if you want to, you can use the online map," The staff kept fidgeting as he spoke. Seungkwan wanted to leave immediately but another look to the young staff made him unmoving.
"Ahjussi, you aren't leaving?" The staff asked, clearly uncomfortable.
"How old are you?" Seungkwan asked back.
"Old enough to work here," The staff narrowed his eyes at Seungkwan. His feet still couldn't stay still.
"Probably underage then," Seungkwan looked at the boy properly to find his nametag. "Donghyuck-ssi, you can stop being nervous. I already know you just smoked. Just, don't be rude to other people."
Seungkwan was turning around to reach his car when he heard Donghyuck mumbling, "Do you think I'm a bad person?"
A memory from his past flashed really fast. Little Seungkwan asking older people what they thought of him. Pitiful. He shook his head to push it away.
"No," Seungkwan answered. "I don't even know you. I have no idea what you are," he paused, "But, it's bad for your health. I think you already know that."
Seungkwan smiled when he walked away. That kid probably didn't even know what he meant by saying those things. But it was still better than saying something else.
"What was that?" Hansol appeared before his eyes.
Seungkwan didn't want to answer. "Why are you here?" He asked instead.
"I miss you." Hansol smiled. That annoyingly handsome face shouldn't be his. "I saw you walking outside, so, I had to follow."
"Well, you don't have to." Seungkwan sighed as he tried to move past Hansol.
"I insist." Hansol kept his charming smiled as he pointed at the car, ordering Seungkwan to open it. Seungkwan did, and it didn't feel so bad after all.
"Where are you going at this hour? It's late," Hansol asked casually. The way he was sitting comfortably and disregard any formality between them would be mistaken with something else if anyone saw it.
"I was browsing and found there is a beach near here," Seungkwan still answered despite keep showing how annoyed he was with Hansol presence.
"So, you were just playing with your phone the whole time?" Hansol was in disbelief.
Seungkwan then jokingly asked, "What? Were you waiting for me to come out?"
"Do you think I have anything else to do?" Hansol answered unexpectedly. "Nothing is interesting."
"Waiting for me is not interesting either," Seungkwan said, tone as flat as possible. Not wanting to give away how much Hansol just shocked him.
"I know that," Hansol moved closer towards Seungkwan. "Experienced it first-hand."
"What's wrong with you?" Seungkwan pushed him away. "A sudden change in your personality is confusing."
"Was I rude?" Hansol asked. "Well, I thought you were going to kidnap me, honestly. Now that I know you don't, I can go full on crushing you."
"What if I am kidnapping you right now? Will you still like me?"
"Of course, I won't," Hansol still smiled but it looked serious to Seungkwan this time. "Why do you expect people to love you unconditionally. It's not healthy."
It sounded too personal that Seungkwan didn't dare to keep asking and open an old wound. Hansol must had something on his mind as well.
He is running away from reality just like me after all.
Beach looked strange to Seungkwan's eyes. In his whole life, he could count the amount of time he went to a beach with one hand. His life is just that boring and empty.
"Really?" Hansol asked in his drunken state, he sounded like an alien. "Boring and empty?"
Seungkwan nodded, obviously he wasn't in a better state.
"Bullshit," Hansol snarked. It shocked Seungkwan a little. "You still have your friend, your colleague who like you so much. I think it's not empty and boring."
"But, that's what you think!"
"Exactly," Hansol gestured at Seungkwan to look at two empty beer can in front of them. "This red can is you and the other red is me. So this red guy has a good life but he told the red guy he was having a shitty life, now the red guy who wants to life like the red-wait it got confusing-anyway I'd rather have your life than mine. So, I think your life is not shitty, it's good. You are happy too, don't you? When you went to your family gathering and talked with your parents, you were happy they looked proud. When you saw your colleague gesturing a thumbs up at you in front of your boss, you were happy as well."
"That's true..."
Sadly, it was true. Those little things happening around him was the source of happiness that push him through emptiness. But now it was no longer enough.
"That's why it's not shitty. It's a good life, but it's not something for you because it's not what you want." Hansol then looked at the two cans on his hands and threw it away. "But it's not what we want anyway, so it's shit. I don't want it."
"What?" Seungkwan judgingly looked at Hansol. "So, is it shitty or not?" He asked again.
"Why do you ask me?!" Hansol got annoyed. "Go figure it out yourself!"
"What an unreliable friend," Seungkwan mumbled under his breath.
"Who cares if it's shitty or not?" Hansol folded his hands in front of him and buried his face inside it. "I don't want it, I want to be free."
Let me be free.
It rang loudly in his head. Chanting, screaming, crying to be free.
"Do you think we can do it?" Seungkwan asked to the air. Not expecting any answer. Yet, Hansol screamed a loud yes anyway.
That loud and brave voice brought Seungkwan to his feet, and he ran as far as he could towards the water, he screamed just as loud, so maybe the god would hear him. "I, Boo Seungkwan, want my own life!"
It felt relieving to let them out. Everything became clearer, he finally understood that he ran away because he was tired living a life that's not his own. He wanted to find his.
Hansol breathed harshly when he reached Seungkwan, he looked awful. It wasn't even that far, what would happen if he had to go further away all by himself? Maybe they should run together?
Seungkwan patted Hansol messy hair fondly, trying to tame it, as he said, "Will you go with me to the end of the world? Let's find our lives."
He wouldn't understand what brought him to say that to a stranger. Someone whose full name he didn't even know and only glimpses of his life known to him. Why did he say it? A sense of companionship?
But it didn't matter anymore as Seungkwan looked at that stranger who had a wide smile on his face, moonlight on his eyes, and happy wrinkles painting his expression. "Take me with you to wherever," He said.
***
"Seungkwan-ah," Seungkwan didn't like that tone. Not at all. Because, he saw how Seungcheol-hyung went out of the office sad when he was called by the boss with that tone. Because, he saw Mingyu not coming to work for days as well. Because, he himself got upset everytime he received it.
"What is it, Boss?" He tried to keep a mask, a strong one, to sound fine.
"You know I can't do anything about the promotion, right?" Seungkwan didn't think so but he nodded. "I was asked to promote Kang Donghyun instead of you. I hope you'll be fine with that. You know I'm really fond of you."
Or just my work?
He wanted to ask. But he stayed silent, he stayed silent even when his name was called again. Because his mask would break when he made any sound.
"You know he's the son of the CEO. I can't do anything about it."
Useless, all those excuses were useless. He gave up his life to be treated like trash. Why did he live like this?
*7 DAYS LATER*
Seungcheol stayed silent on his chair as he read through an email he just received. A fucking email in this economy. It would be fine if it was work related stuff, but the fact that it was just from a Boo Seungkwan just pissed him off.
"Seungcheol-hyung, did you hear about it?" Mingyu asked him, completely blind of the seething expression that his senior was wearing. "Seungkwan is resigning!"
"What did you say?" Seungcheol asked eventhough he wasn't interested in hearing the story.
Why would he? When he just read the whole novel in this annoying email.
"Jeonghan said he just received a resignation letter from him today. He said Seungkwan looked uncharacteristically happy when he gave the letter," Mingyu continued as he invited himself to sit at the chair across Seungcheol. "This is a huge loss for us though, he's the only one among us who actually can finish something properly. They should have promoted him instead of that..." Mingyu sighed, afraid of saying the name.
"Yeah, a huge loss. We are doomed." Seungcheol replied, face locked on the computer in front of him.
"Hyung," Mingyu called, his voice sounded strange that Seungcheol had to look at him. "Why are you smiling like... Like Joker? You looked scary."
"Am I?" Seungcheol asked, knowing so well what was the answer. "Now tell me, what should I write to a dumbass who replied to my text a week late, not visiting me when he dropped by the building, and decided to leave me in this shitty company alone?"
"Hyung," Mingyu scrambled to move far, far away from Seungcheol as he called the other senior around him. "I think Seungcheol-hyung need a rest. "
"Don't worry he's just missing his favorite dongsaeng. Now, leave him alone, hush, hush," Joshua smiled angelically as he shooed Mingyu away.
He glanced at his friend and gave him a tap. Somehow he could understand what was on his mind as he tried to reassure that him everything was for the better.
"I know, I know," Seungcheol sighed at himself. "I always told him to pursue what he wants but seeing him leaving is still hard apparently."
"He'd better off somewhere else where he'll be praised for his talent."
"What about us? Don't you think we deserve that too?" Seungcheol asked out of nowhere.
"Of course," Jeonghan said without any hint of smile on his face. "We do."
To. Seungcheol Sunbaenim
Seungcheol-hyung, I'm sorry that I didn't reply your texts earlier. I needed time to sort out my thoughts. After taking my leave suddenly like that, I found out it's best for me to finally pursue something that I want. A new acquaintance of me asked me to work for him. I don't know if I'll accept it or not but in the mean time I'll take a rest. Maybe, I'll try travelling? I want do something my heart desires from now on. It's still not too late to start over for me. I'm a genius in this area, I'll be fine, don't worry about me.
Boo Seungkwan