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was it all just a way to pass time to you? something you indulge in for a short while, only to let it go after it became irrelevant to you.
was that all i was?
maybe you don't remember the times we spent together, i'm also to blame though. we never did spend much time together. our sole communication was via text and that's also at different times, for we live far away from the other. too far apart but what can i do? what can we do?
we're just kids.
then maybe it's only right if this thing we call 'feelings' were just a momentary infatuation. they were just an excuse to find some comfort in each other for we had no one else to rely on. not our own friends, not our own family, not on ourselves.
the only thing we did have in common, was each other.
i don't mind if it was just some silly excuse to stop us from being lonely, in fact, this silly thing that we had put a label on did make me a little bit happier, a little less lonely and a little more loving of others. by others, i mean you specifically.
i'm sure after we part our ways, we won't be talking much anymore. we won't be texting. we won't be depending on each other. we're just each other's history.
for all we talk about are us, you and me. there was not much to it rather than the fact that we're together. the fact that we have mutual feelings. the fact that we don't really know how and why it happened.
we connect by the fragments we find suitable for each other, which end up as a different version of ourselves. a version we never knew existed. the fragments that we chose were projected onto the others head, so now that's all we're viewed as. now that's all we try to see in the other.
maybe it's not love. maybe it's just a dependency on one another, each trying their best to live on and helping each other out. there is some love in there, to have a care for another requires us to have love for them, right? so, it's okay.
i like how things are anyway...or do i?
sometimes i wish i can know more, i wish we could spend time more, i wish we can be open. we're always in a world of our own, just us two, being in there comfortably, not knowing what's to come or what to expect.
but truthfully, i want to let everyone know you're mine. to not be afraid of people's judgment. to not be afraid of being ourselves. i would love it if we could be in our own world right where everyone can see it.
we both know that's impossible. we have our own reputation to uphold, our own shares of the burden of hopes and dreams that we need to live up to. the mountain of risks would just keep piling up on each other as we continue this secret and sacred relationship.
therefore, i have come to terms with the fact that i will let you go one day. i will have to let you go when it's time. i don't count the days, there's no need to. all i want to do right now is enjoy every single moment left of being with you. we never know what the future might hold, it could end nicely just as much as it could end terribly.
so for now, i'll hold on to you as well as i can until our moments together comes to an end.
when that happens, please know you were one of the best chapters in my book, and know that i have been able to craft it with such magnificence just because you were there.
thank you for being a part of my life. you will forever exist in me.
one step and the other.
- park jimin, 25th december 2012