Work Text:
May 2009
Gavin stirs as the intense pangs of hunger grip his entire body. He rolls over in an attempt to settle his queasy stomach but to no avail. Peeling his eyes open, Gavin spots the clock across the room.
00:07
Anxiety swells in his chest. Where’s mom? She should be home by now. Gavin’s mind begins to swirl with worst case scenarios. A hurricane of what happened? Has she forgotten me? Will she ever come back? Oh god please come back. He pushes the blanket off his legs and crawls off the couch. The floorboards groan as Gavin fumbles through the darkened room. He goes to flick the light switch but nothing happens. Power’s out again. Gavin reaches the doorway and listens intently for any signs of life.
Silence.
Gavin’s stomach growls. He braves the unsettling darkness and cautiously shuffles toward the kitchen. A note sits on the bench.
Gone out again, dunno when I’ll be home. Mom
Gavin’s shoulders droop. Another night alone. Why does everyone always leave? All he ever wanted was a normal family – for someone to love him enough to stay. Gavin recalls the night his Dad left. His parents were arguing over money. They had been struggling to pay rent and keep food on the table ever since Dad lost his job. The company decided it was cheaper to use androids rather than people and within the week the majority of human employees were made redundant. Gavin heard his name among the shouting – something about adoption and extra money – before the front door slammed shut. His Mom tried to keep herself together but became more and more distant each passing day. She would bring home strange men just to feel something. Men that smelt like beer and sweat. Men that would hurt her. Men that would hurt Gavin.
Gavin’s stomach gurgles. Forgetting his Mom’s note, Gavin goes to search the kitchen for food. He opens all the cupboards he can reach before climbing up the bench and sifting through the upper ones. Nothing. Looks like it’s water for dinner again. Gavin slides himself toward the sink, turns the tap on and bends down to catch the flowing water in his mouth. After a few gulps, Gavin turns the tap off and hops down from the bench. He heads back toward the couch still feeling queasy. Maybe getting some sleep will help. Gavin lays on the couch and pulls the blanket up to his shoulders. The trees outside tap on the window, taunting him. Gavin closes his eyes as tears threaten to spill onto his cheeks. Maybe he did something wrong, maybe it was his fault he's alone, maybe he doesn’t deserve love.
August 2020
The afternoon sun perches on the horizon basking the atmosphere in an amber glow. A light breeze dances through the branches of a nearby tree. It falls silent. Watching. Gavin tugs on his hood in an attempt to shield himself from prying eyes. He continues to stride down the footpath, beads of sweat forming on his forehead. His backpack begins to feel heavier with each step. Reaching the front door Gavin inserts his key before slipping into the house.
“Mom, I’m home!”
Gavin closes the door behind him. A faint bubbling can be heard from the kitchen. He slips his shoes off before going to investigate the noise. A saucepan sits on the stovetop. The lid rattles violently as water bounces and sizzles. Ah shit. Gavin’s quick to rush over and twist the knob, reducing the stove’s flame to a timid blue flicker.
“Mom! Ya water boiled!” Where the hell is she?
Glancing at the mess Gavin sighs. God damnit. Turning on his heel, Gavin heads to his bedroom. It can wait. He passes his Mom’s room and peaks inside. She’s laying on the bed as if in a deep slumber. That’s odd. Gavin shrugs his backpack off and dumps it in the hallway. He taps his knuckles on the door.
“Mom? Everything okay?”
No response. Gavin’s heart begins to race. He toes forward. The pungent smell of smoke permeates the entire room.
“Mom?”
His voice is barely above a whisper as he reaches the bedside. Hands clenched in anticipation. A faint glint on the bedside table catches his eye. Red ice. No, no, no, please no. Gavin grasps his Mom’s shoulders and shakes her.
“Mom wake up. Mom!”
Tears begin to cloud Gavin’s vision. This cannot be happening right now. Gavin presses the side of his face against her chest. He can’t hear anything. Oh God, he can’t hear anything.
“Please, Mom, you have to wake up!”
Gavin doesn’t recall many details of the events that followed. A flurry of red and blue lights, bustling uniforms, apologetic murmurs. She overdosed, they said. There’s nothing you could’ve done. It’s not your fault.
Gavin remains motionless as he watches paramedics and police remove his mother. Before he can blink, the front door is closed and he’s left alone. He returns to his bedroom, passing his forgotten backpack in the hallway. The tears continue to fall as Gavin lowers himself onto the bed. His breath catches in his throat, a sob escaping his lips. His head droops, hands catching it and gripping his hair. It’s not your fault. Of course it’s his fault, it has to be. Mom’s been clean for weeks but, albeit unknowingly, has been living with a drug dealer. Gavin glances at the box at the bottom of his wardrobe. It protrudes outward. The hanging clothes normally concealing what lay behind have been pushed aside. The box’s lid gapes wide open, laughing at Gavin. She found his stash.
Flinging himself backward, Gavin rubs his face in attempt to erase the tear tracks that tattoo his skin. They were wrong – this is all his fault. Sob after sob racks Gavin’s entire body. Guilt overwhelms him. How could he be so stupid? He should never have dropped out of school. He should never have involved himself in such a selfish trade. He wanted to help pay bills but at what cost? Gavin rolls over and squeezes his eyes shut, as if willing his Mom back into existence.
~~~
Gavin wakes the next morning with a deep ache settled in his bones. Turning his head, his eyes fall on the backpack still slumped in the hallway. Memories of the previous night flood Gavin’s mind. Tears begin to well. He tries to blink them away but to no avail. He needs a distraction. Gavin forces himself to rise from the bed and out of his room. He hesitates in front of the backpack. Kneeling, Gavin unzips the front. He pushes the textbooks aside. They are of no use to him, anyway, other than as a diversion from the real contents. He fishes around the bottom of the bag before lifting the tiny packets up to his face. God fucking damnit! Scrunching his fist, Gavin throws the Red Ice down the hall, screaming. Gavin’s cries get lost in the empty house, swallowed whole by the shadow of loneliness.
December 2023
“We need you to get some supplies for the next batch.”
Gavin reaches out to retrieve the note presented to him. He unfolds it revealing the words written with sloppy penmanship.
“But-… I know this house. It’s just some old lady.”
Gavin lifts his head to find a pair of piercing eyes burning into his soul. This has to be a joke. Surely he doesn’t have to rob this poor woman. Gavin gulps as he watches a pocketknife twirl in front of him.
“I’m getting awfully tired of you talking back to me, Gavin”
Panic creeps into Gavin’s throat but he swallows it back down, standing his ground. Enough is enough. He’s tired of being pushed around and forced into robbing his neighbours. It’s one thing to steal from the rich, but to take what little this lady has left?
“You can’t be serious. I’m not draining an old lady’s robot just so some hot shot can get high.”
“This is your last warning, Gavin. I’m really not in the mood to fuck around.”
“Fuck you.”
Before he can draw his next breath, Gavin’s arms are grabbed from behind and he’s forced to kneel. A groan escapes his lips as his knees collide with the concrete.
“Do you remember the last time you tried to piss around with me?”
Gavin spat in the man’s face. Of course he remembers. How could he forget all the guilt, all the anger, all the self-hatred. He just couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t be a part of something knowing how much it took from people.
“You thought you could just leave this all behind and forget it ever happened. Y’know, I could’ve fucked you right up for that. But instead, I took you in as one of my own. And this is how you repay me?”
The man waved his hand. A deafening crack echoes around the room. Gavin has hardly any time to react before his vision blurs and blood gushes from his nose. He struggles to remain conscious as pain ripples throughout his face. Willing his eyes to stay open, Gavin glances at his assailant. A woman off to the side wields a baseball bat, she smirks before winking. The man grabs a fistful of Gavin’s hair, forcing him to stare into the eyes of the merciless drug overlord.
“No more chances.”
~~~
Gavin groans as he slowly regains consciousness. Everything hurts. Peeling his blood-soaked eyelids open, Gavin begins to assess the damage. He lifts his shirt. Fresh bruises and deep wounds litter his entire body. Gavin sighs and drops his arm again. He glances around at his surroundings. After passing out he was dumped in a nearby alley, left for dead in the freezing winter snow. The gang must have propped him up against the dumpster, how thoughtful. Gavin goes to stand but his legs fail him. He winces as he falls, adding another bruise to his colourful mosaic. Fuck, this is really gonna hurt tomorrow. Gripping the dumpster for leverage, Gavin attempts to position himself vertically again. His legs wobble momentarily but he remains on his feet. The alley begins to sway and Gavin feels the nausea bubbling in his throat. He wraps his arm around his stomach, the other continues to clasp the dumpster. Thankfully, he maintains his composure. Gavin heads toward the main street at the end of the alley. He pauses at the alley’s entrance. He has nowhere to go. Glancing up and down the street Gavin sighs. Guess I should just start walking.
March 2039
Light beams through Gavin’s bedroom window as he wakes from his deep slumber. His muscles ache – but not a bad ache, a good ache, a satisfied ache. The events of the previous night begin to replay in Gavin’s mind. Sweaty bodies and hot lips and, oh God, what was Gavin thinking? He was just supposed to go out, have fun, and come home again. Nothing more. Instead, his self-hatred and sexual frustration got the better of him. He turns over in the bed. Oh, they’re gone. Gavin feels a pang in his chest. Wait, is he really disappointed that some random hook-up just up and left? No… that’s not it. It’s that he wishes he was laying here with someone else. Someone who wouldn’t just leave when they were done with him. Someone who actually stays for Gavin and not just for some service he can provide. Someone who wouldn’t hate him as much as he hates himself. Gavin lightly snorts at the thought. There are very few people that wouldn’t like to sucker punch him right in the balls given the chance. One person in particular sticks out more than the rest. Blue eyes deeper than the Mariana tre– Gavin’s phone buzzes on the bedside table.
Thanks for last night, call me sometime ;)
He deletes the message. His mind wanders back to the blue eyes. He could gaze into them for hours. And those lips… goddamn. What he would give to smother those lips with his own. To map out inch after inch of skin with his tongue. To marvel at the absolute perfection that is– shit. Gavin has a thing for Nines. He feels like a high school girl giggling over some crush. He groans as he pulls last night’s dirty sheets up to his chest. Hank would have a field trip knowing Gavin has fallen for an android. He tries to shake the thoughts from his mind. He can’t possibly like one of those plastic assholes. Besides, there’s nothing some robot can give him that a real person can’t. He shifts his gaze downward and sighs. Looks like someone else disagrees.
October 2039
Gavin kneels in front of his former boss. Blood gushing from his nose, his eyebrow, his lip. Someone grips his hair and forces him to stare into the eyes of his attacker. Gavin gurgles, silently pleading for the torture to end.
No more chances.
Suddenly, he’s sat against a dumpster in a cramped alley. The snow underneath him becomes more and more soaked in a vibrant red each passing minute. Gavin whimpers as he attempts to stand. He can’t move. It’s as though he’s superglued to the ground. Gavin opens his mouth to call for help but nothing comes out. He’s choking on his own blood. Panic rises in his chest. Oh God no, please, not like this. Someone help me! Plea-
~~~
Gavin bolts upright. He’s coated in a thick layer of sweat as he gasps for air. His hands clench the bed sheets, fuck. Gavin brings his hands up to his face trying to rub the images from his eyelids. Great, another sleepless night. He tries to lean back into the headboard and catch his breath but his heart won’t stop pounding. His hand tap, tap, taps his leg. Might as well get some work done if he’s just going to sit here.
Pushing the sheet off himself and swinging his legs to the floor, Gavin picks up his tablet and heads to the living room. Fucking Lazzo and his goddamn black-market bullshit.
February 2040
Nines? Nines!
Gavin rushes up the alley and crouches next to Nines. Nines’ skin texture glitches and wavers in patches exposing the white plastic underneath. The LED on his temple flashes an angry red.
A… Gavin…
Hey, don’t fall asleep, don’t fall asleep
Holding Nines’ face in his hands, Gavin watches as his eyes close and head drops. Gavin pulls Nines into his lap, cradling him. He calls for help but no one’s around to hear him. Tears begin to well in his eyes. This is not happening right now. Nines’ LED continues to flash red. Then Gavin notices it flicker. No, no, no. It flickers again and again before finally fading. A sob escapes Gavin’s lips. He lowers his forehead to rest against Nines’, rocking back and forth; hoping, praying that this is just some sick joke and Nines will wake up any second. But this isn’t a joke – he really is gone… and Gavin is all alone again.
~~~
Gavin is ripped from the nightmare by Nines anxiously shaking his shoulders.
“Gavin wake up, it’s not real.”
He looks around the room trying to orient himself before he focuses on Nines. Deep blue eyes stare back at him. They’re on the couch in the living room, legs draped over one another. Nines’ hand rests on Gavin’s knee, the other lightly rubs his shoulder, grounding him. That’s right, they were watching a movie together, Gavin must have fallen asleep.
“What were you dreaming about?”
“Nothing… don’t worry about it.”
Of course it isn’t nothing, but Gavin isn’t going to tell Nines that. Gavin turns to bury his face in Nines’ chest. Nines’ LED burns red before switching to a warm yellow. He wraps his arms around Gavin, continuing to stroke his back and bring him back into reality. Nines is too good for him. Gavin doesn’t deserve all this after what he put him through.
“Gavin, it’s been months. Perhaps it would be wise to consult a professional regarding your nightmares.”
Gavin pulls back from Nines’ chest and stares at him briefly. Gavin frowns. He almost seems… offended.
“I don’t need a fucking shrink to tell me how fucked up I am, okay? I tell myself enough already, thanks.”
“I understand, Gavin, but-”
“No. No you don’t. Now will you just shut up and cuddle me? Fuck!”
Nines sighs and pulls Gavin back onto his chest. It’s no use arguing over this now. They’ll talk about it later. Gavin’s breath hitches in his throat.
“I just… I can’t lose anyone else.”
Gavin spoke barely above a whisper. Tears threaten to spill on to his cheeks. Nines attempts to soothe Gavin’s troubled mind by rubbing circles on his back.
“I’m not going anywhere, Gavin.”