Chapter Text
sho added 15+ people
sho: hi!!
bigmak:
papitomatsito:
bigmak: >:)
papitomatsito: >:)
Iwaizumi left the chat
toeru added Iwaizumi
Iwaizumi left the chat
toeru added Iwaizumi
Iwaizumi left the chat
toeru: what the fuck iwa-chan :(
kurhoe: chibi-chan you’ve made a mistake
tobio: yes, yes you have
mother: oh no
father daichi: Oh no.
ehnoshitah: maki :0 matsu :0
bigmak: SON
papitomatsito: ENNO
mother: ...son?
tobio added Iwaizumi
Iwaizumi: Jesus fuck.
tobio: using the lords name in vain is a sin
Iwaizumi:
Iwaizumi: We dont believe in Jesus?
jesus: wow
jesus: i am right here
chronicdepression:
chronicdepression: i hate it here
tobio: who are you omg
tobio: W H O A R E Y O U
sho:
sho: im scared
sho: im really scared
yamayama: same
bitch:
bitch: Understandable
teruteru: this brings back...memories
tobio: deep fried
teruteru: shut up
kurhoe: ok ok fellas lets calm down
kurhoe: lets start with brief intros
kurhoe: im kuroo tetsurou nice to meet you
chronicdepression:
chronicdepression: kunimi akira, hi
tobio: are you okay?????
chronicdepression: i wish
tobio: jesus christ kunimi
jesus: im jesus christ
jesus: uh shit i meant asahi sorry
father daichi: You already know who I am.
mother: im kiyoko :)
teruteru: PRETTY MANAGER GIRL :DDD
rollingdepression: >:(
tobio: oh my god
daffodudes: im kiyoko’s husband, tanaka :)
mother:
mother: im dating yachi and michimiya
daffodudes:
daffodudes: im kiyoko’s husband , tanaka :)
mother: thats my husband, tanaka :)
rollingdepression: kiyoko if you’re being held hostage sing fiesta salsa
mother: im alright
rollingdepression: b r o
daffodudes: >:)
toeru: who’s next?
toeru:
toeru: wait no
toeru: DO NOT SAY ANYTHING
toeru: I SEE YOU TYPING DO NOT
Ushijima: What’s this..?
Ushijima: Oh, and hi Oikawa. :)
toeru: chibi-chan why :(
Iwaizumi: LMAO
bigmak changed the chat name to absolute chaos
bigmak: shit is bout to get wildddd
bigmak: oh and im hanamaki takahiro btw
papitomatsito changed their name to bigdaddymatsu
bigdaddymatsu: matsukawa issei here :)
sho: shouyou hinata!!
tobio: tobio kageyama
sugar: what the hell
sugar: why am i here?
father daichi: Because I love you.
father daichi: :)
sugar: awe :)
sugar: sugawara koushi, hello!! <3
Ushijima: I’m Ushijima Wakatoshi.
Iwaizumi: I’m
bigdaddymatsu: papito iwaizumi
Iwaizumi:
Iwaizumi: Iwaizumi Hajime
insomnia:
insomnia: uh kenma kozume
insomnia: there, happy now kuroo?
yamayama: yamagwucci tadashi
tobio: oh lord
toeru: im
tobio: nobody cares.
toeru: wow
toeru: im oikawa tooru
bitch: Tsukishima.
bitch: If you couldn’t tell.
sugar: obviously.
bitch: Slandered by my own mom.
yamayama: good.
sho:
sho: why is yamaguchi so like- confident over text?
yamayama: tsukki cant get me through the screen.
bitch: I can get you at your house though.
yamayama:
yamayama: thats fair
kurhoe: eyyy!! dont be a bitch tsukki :(
kurhoe: oh wait
brokuto: LMAO
kurhoe: BHAHAHAHAHAHAJLIKSNXOSX
bitch:
bitch: Shut up.
Iwaizumi: Well, is that everyone?
yamayama: for reference, teruteru is terushima yuuji. from johzenji
teruteru: oh shit, sorry yeah
sho: are you guys like, matching names?
teruteru: we’re dating.
sho: o
bigmak: damn, so one relationship is already established
sugar: two
father daichi: Two.
bigmak:
bigmak: two
insomnia: eh, 3. akaashi wont join
insomnia: or is he already here?
agaasheh: im already here.
insomnia: ah
insomnia: hello :)
Iwaizumi: I think they’re going to turn this into a matchmaking chat.
Iwaizumi: Just a hunch though, y’know?
bigdaddymatsu: damn iwa, loosen up a bit. correct grammar???
Iwaizumi:
Iwaizumi: fine
Iwaizumi: but dont do anything stupid or i’ll kill you.
bigmak: WOW
chronicdepression: i’d appreciate it
Iwaizumi: jesus
jesus: yeah?
tobio: SEIDCECIMXC<RCO<X
bitch: AHAHAHHAHAAAIMIDMIXCMIC
yamayama: oh shit, tsukki??? laughing???
toeru: glasses-kun, laughing? wow...
tobio: IM SOBBING RN
bitch: I’M NEVER GONNA BE ABLE TO PRACTICE THE SAME-
sho: oh my god what?
tobio: i
tobio: ukai is a furry i ca n ot
sho: HE’s a WH A T
Iwaizumi: LMAO WHAT
toeru: i choked what the fUCK
Ushijima: What’s a furry?
semitruck: tendou.
Ushijima: Oh.
Ushijima: I see.
tentoe: WOW SEMI
tobio: YOU GUYS
bitch: King and I were walking past Coach Ukai’s shop, and we just see a fucking fursuit doing the renegade right?
Iwaizumi: oh god-
tobio: we watch this person finish it off and they take off the fucking head
tobio: AND ITS COACH UKAI
bitch: And we’re just here, staring and trying to stay silent, but King can’t do so.. and he just starts cackling. Coach Ukai looks us dead in the eyes and it’s like his soul left his body
tobio: WE RANNNNN LMAOOO
agaasheh: oh god... that seems.. chaotic
yamayama: BAHAHAHAIRMXIMIMXIMT$VIMTV
teruteru: LMAOOOOO
bigmak: owo!!!
bigdaddymatsu: uwu..
tobio:
tobio: what
bitch: No-
Iwaizumi: please stop.
toeru: ....
sho: ........................
sho added Ukai Watch
Ukai Watch:
Ukai Watch: i cannot believe you saw that.
tobio: IM SORRY BUT WHY
toeru: whats your tiktok?
Iwaizumi: shittykawa.
toeru: im curious ok?
bigmak: you’re a furry too?
yamayama: tsukki arent you technically a furry?
bitch:
tobio:
Ukai Watch:
bitch: shut up, yamaguchi
yamayama: sorry tsukki
sho: stingyshima the furry. not surprised
Ushijima: I still don’t get this whole furry thing.
semitruck: all you need to know is that tendou is a furry.
tentoe: am not :(
bark: what the fuck?
inno: ew
bark: e w?
inno: ew.
bark: you’re ew.
inno: no YOU’RE ew kyoutani
bark: yahaba shut the fuck up you nasty ass rabies infected bitch
inno: me? rabies? you probably gave them to me. you carry rabies.
inno: nah nah, you are rabies
tobio: sexual tension at its finest am i right lads?
kurhoe: yes yes
toeru: EW NO
toeru: thats my most precious kouhai
Iwaizumi: no, i’m a single mother. you are one of the kids.
tobio: LMAO
inno: ah... he’s not wrong.. but i appreciate it oikawa-senpai!! ^^
bark: look at him... being all innocent... gross
inno: ew dont look at me. i’ll get rabies
kurhoe: or you’ll get a
Iwaizumi: kuroo don’t finish that sentence if you cherish your life.
kurhoe: erection
kurhoe: fuck
leviackermen: can we get a you fucking weed dickler in the chat for kuroo
tobio: kuroo you fucking weed dickler
yACK: kuroo you fucking clown
yACK: dick weedler
yACK: fuck
yACK: uhm
leviackermen:
leviackermen: we’ll ignore that for now
bigdaddymatsu: yk i dont even want to know anymore names
bigmak: same dude
kurhoe: at least let me get.. let me get... one last bro smooch..
brokuto: BRO NO
kurhoe: mwah bro.... love you... no homo tho
brokuto: BRO
brokuto: BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
chronicaldepression: i hate you guys
onion: we love you too the love of my life the apple of my eyes the most amazing man to ever slither his way into my life the
chronicaldepression: ok kindaichi i get it
tobio:
onion: shut up.
tobio: ok :(
sho: >:0
sugar: >:(
bigdaddymatsu: moving on, spill some embarrassing shit. go
Iwaizumi: once i walked in on shittykawa beating his dick so hard his desk broke.
toeru: THAT ISNT EVEN EMBARRASSING FOR YOU
tobio: LMAOOOO
sho: OIKAWA-SAN WHAT THE HECK
tobio: oikawa had a hajime hinata body pillow in his gym bag and it fell out once after practice. it made direct eye contact with me i stg.
toeru: WOWWWWW
Ushijima: Oikawa didn’t come to Shiratorizawa.
toeru:
toeru: shut up
Youkai Watch: i got caught dressed up as a furry...
yamayama: i had a minecraft youtube channel called: gameryamz YT
tobio: tsukishima saw me throw it back once
bitch: Not a bad thing.
rollingdepression: thats kinda...homo..guys...
bitch:
bitch: Did
bitch: Did the straggot say something?
rollingdepression: STRA
rollingdepression: I LIKE MY FAIR SHARE OF BOTH THANK U VERY MUCH
Iwaizumi: i had a weird obsession with evanescense during junior high
Iwaizumi: it was really bad
Iwaizumi: i know every lyric to bring me to life
tobio: i dressed up as ebony dark’ness dementia raven way for halloween during junior high
chronicaldepression: AHAHAHA I REMEMBER THATTTT I WENT AS DRACO IT WAS HILARIOUSSS BAHAHDAHDI
onion:
kurhoe: oooo someones jealous~~~
brokuto: oo~~
tobio: don’t worry turnip head, kunimi is yours.
onion: i have a name
sho: ARE WE GONNA IGNORE GAMERYAMZ YT I-
sugar: NO IVE BEEN LAUGHING AT IT FOR 10 MINUTES NOW AHHAHA
yamayama: sigh
yamayama: they found it
sugar: “Howdy ho, it’s your gamer guy, Gamer Yamz Y TEEEEEEEEEE, and today we will be going to the end-”
toeru: one time my mom found a cum filled sock in my room.
Iwaizumi:
Iwaizumi: a what?
sho: A CUM SOCK
Ushijima: Actually don’t come to Shiratorizawa, thanks.
tobio: IM SCREAMING
bitch: HE-
sugar: IMIXIMXXIMVMIT%GXMX% SHUUT UPPPP IMSTI L LNOT O VER GAME RYAM Z YT OMG
jesus:
jesus: aha funny story.
jesus: when i was little, my moms and i watched this movie and they fell asleep so i got to see this sex scene. i was like 13 i think
jesus: so as a 13 year old im sitting here with a hard dick like wtf man what was that. and i get this genius idea. “genius” idea to go look for one of my momma’s mannequins. the adjustable ones. yes that fact is very important
rollingdepression: IVE HEARD THISSSS BEFOREEIMX$IMFIFXR
jesus: mind you my moms are still asleep. so i lay this poor mannequin down. pull my stupid ben ten pajama shorts down and whip out the good ol’ donger
tobio: DON G E R
jesus: and i thigh fuck this poor plastic mannequin.
jesus: my moms did come in eventually, but the most interesting part is
jesus: “Awe, frick yeah!! Get it bitch, like a good fuck huh? Fuckkk yeah!!”
toeru: i am at a loss for words
Iwaizumi: does that officially take the cake?
kurhoe: no
brokuto: we have better
tobio: damn it took you guys quite a bit.
kurhoe: we literally swore to never speak of this again. but since this is a competition now... we have to do it.
brokuto: ok so. we’re legal right?
brokuto: as sooooon as i became legal, some old friend of mine was like: “hey!! you should come work at this place for a bit yk? they pay quite a lot.”
brokuto: and damn i regretted it but i also didnt but thats irrelevant rn
brokuto: for reference this place is called “the glory donut” and it is NOT what u think
kurhoe: so fuck it i was bored and horny and yaku was like: “hey stop bothering me idgaf but like here’s some place u can go or whatever”
yACK: oh
yACK: THATS WHAT HAPPENEDD AHAHAAA
tobio: shush
brokuto: so they show me the ropes of this shit right and im like damn why am i here
brokuto: this place is FULL of rooms with glory holes. AND I MEAN FULLLLLL OF THEM
sho: BOKUTO-SAN I-
brokuto: they tell me somebody showed up and that i should get in position
brokuto: and as you know, im trans so i honestly thought this was some straight fuckboy yk just saying
kurhoe: WOW
brokuto: so i get into position right?
brokuto: and as SOON as this dude talks im like: “oh shit. thats KUROO”
brokuto: and shit before i can say ANYTHING my manz is fucking chowing down
brokuto: i literally tried to not speak bc this shit would get hella awkward and i deadass tried to keep my sounds to myself but SHIT i could NOT. nice technique bro
kurhoe: thx bro
brokuto: np bro
kurhoe: anyway timeskip to after all that. i ask mr. juicy puss
tobio: MR JUICY PUSS IM SOBBING
kurhoe: can i finish please?
tobio:
tobio: sorry
kurhoe: so i ask mr. juicy puss (who i thought was a ms.) for their number. and as sOON as they speak im like
kurhoe: damn, i just ate out and fucked my bestfriend
kurhoe: and so i go, “bokuto?”
brokuto: and i go, “oh ahaha, hey kuroo..didnt uh... feel you there?”
kurhoe: and then we just start awkwardly laughing.
tobio: oh my godddd
sho: i thought i was dense
Iwaizumi: just- just take it. i lost my appetite
jesus: WOW
jesus: IM SOBBING WHAT THE HELL
toeru: if only.... ahem iwa-chan ahem
Iwaizumi: no.
bigmak: the king has spoken and he said: no.
toeru: WOW, so know he’s the king?
tobio: why are you so surprised?
toeru: shut up tobio-chan!!
tobio: no u
sho: um
sho: guys
toeru: NO U
tobio: NO Y O U
toeru: NO FUCKING YOU
tobio: yeah dont fuck me thats disgusting
toeru:
toeru: u BITCH
sho: GUYS
tobio:
toeru:
sho: where did kuroo and bokuto-san go?
Iwaizumi:
Iwaizumi: good point, where are they?
tobio: kuroo-san?
toeru: ok so he gets an honorific and i dont?
tobio: yeah. i like kuroo-san more than you.
toeru: WOW
brokuto: im back and i got this
brokuto: oya?
kurhoe: :0
kurhoe: oya oya?
brokuto: bro!
brokuto: we won!!
kurhoe: of course we did!!
agaasheh: You two are the definition of embarrassing.
brokuto: ...
brokuto: ..thanks..?