Work Text:
“Is that him again?” Jay asked, hearing Ben’s phone beep – a sign of a notification from Ben’s dating app, or, the one he refuses to acknowledge is essentially a dating app.
“It might be.” Ben rolled his eyes, taking his phone from his pocket and smiled. “Yeah, it is.”
Lifesahighway: it’s weird. being so open with you on here, but I couldn’t be like that with people I actually know
BigBen: you don’t actually know me? I’m hurt
It had been like this for a couple of months now, ever since Ben had been told about the forum in passing. It was a place solely for gay men, where they could just talk to people about their experiences in coming out, boyfriends – anything. At first, it was just a bit of fun, Ben going on there occasionally, looking at what people were saying, rolling his eyes at some of the dull stories people told. He was tempted to just splurge his entire life story out on the app, a story that could probably fill pages upon pages in spite of his relatively short life, but hey, he was a Mitchell, and a gay Mitchell at that. It was all fun and games, until he came across the user known as ‘lifesahighway’, and something just struck a chord with him.
You see, Ben’s story was long and complex, so much so that even he didn’t fully understand most of it. It was a long time ago that Ben had decided to boil down his life into pivotal moments. The areas he doesn’t remember at all, those being born, and being diagnosed with meningitis, thus causing him to have hearing loss and forced to don glasses. The traumatic events, those being losing his mum and subsequently flown back to the country he was born in to live with a parent he didn’t even know, watching his dad become even more of a raging alcoholic and on top of all that, dealing with the abuse he suffered at the hands of his step-mum. What didn’t fit into that category, however, were two huge moments in the life of Ben Mitchell. Losing who he lovingly referred to as the love of his life, and the trauma surrounding the horrific way in which that happened, and then the utter confusion of finding out his mum was actually alive, thus meaning that most of what had happened through his childhood, didn’t need to happen at all. The overriding arch in the tale of Ben Mitchell was, of course, that from a young age he wasn’t the most stereotypical of the Mitchells. He didn’t care for boxing or football or fighting. The music he listened to wasn’t the rock of London town past and present. He preferred to dance, and when he saw his family feuding, he was often the one to defuse the situation, throwing his scrawny body in between two or more huge men, knowing from a young age that he wouldn’t get hurt if he did that. When he was old enough to understand, he started to realise that he was different from the rest of his family, and most people around him: because he was attracted to men. It struck fear in him, the terrifying realisation that a Mitchell was gay, and that he was the gay Mitchell, because that didn’t happen. Mitchell’s were meant to get married to women, all long hair and white frocks and a bust up at the wedding, because what was a wedding in Walford without a fist fight? He was meant to create an heir, a legacy to carry on the Mitchell name and the Mitchell bloodline. He wasn’t meant to be gay.
And when he read this anonymous man’s story, he realised it was shockingly similar in some ways.
It was all about how he had struggled his entire life with his sexuality, and his family. His big brother, someone who he was meant to look up to, had struggled himself with substance abuse from a young age. His older brother had a daughter young, and the anonymous man had helped to bring her up initially, before her mum had taken her away. Then he was left with nobody but an abusive alcoholic for a father, his mum nowhere to be seen. All he wanted to do was run away and hide, rather than face the consequences of being around his father when he’d had something to drink. And then in his teen years, whilst all of his friends from school and on the estate were getting girlfriends and having sex and going out to drink on public parks: he worked. He spent all his free time, learning how to cook, working at a corner café, not far from his estate. The pay was shit, but at least he had some income, and now a lifeline, because learning to cook meant that he could apply for more jobs when he left school, with the skills he had learnt. And then his dad found out, and called him all the names under the sun, saying it was a poofs job to learn to cook, saying that his son wasn’t a girl, he wasn’t a jessie. He had been beaten, and then had managed to run for safety, finding solace in his friend’s house. When he was old enough, he signed up for the army and never looked back. Initially his sign up was to prove to his dad that he could be a man, but when he thought about it, really thought about it, he realised he signed up because he knew that he was gay, and he couldn’t be all those things his dad said he was. He just couldn’t. So, he trained and trained and proudly donned his army uniform. It was difficult, cooking for thousands of people each day, especially in the conditions he found himself in, ridiculously hot countries on the other side of the world, places he never even thought about visiting, hearing shouts and bangs and screams. It was whilst he was in the army, whilst trying to prove to himself that he was a man, not a queer, that he met someone important. The first person who he felt something other than hatred towards. Chris. With his bright smile and catchy laughter. At the time, he wasn’t aware of it, but the anonymous man was certainly in love with him, even if he couldn’t admit to himself, let alone anyone else. The real stinker came when they had both left the army, and Chris was involved in a head on collision, dying on impact. In the weeks and months that followed, he’d discovered that the feelings were very much mutual, and Chris had loved him too. Since then he’d moved house to a new part of London, had fit in straight away with the lifestyle there, and even reached out to his brother again, discovering that he was now clean. He’s still not out to a single soul, and even though he knows gay people in the area, he’s too terrified to even think about coming out himself, his past mentally scarring him.
“God, you even light up when he texts you.” Jay grumbled, though secretly he was pleased for Ben.
He had been with him through most of his tumultuous story, and had known Ben this happy before, albeit not recently.
Ben rolled his eyes. “Don’t be stupid.”
“So, go on then,” Jay prompted. “are you not even the slightest bit tempted to find out who he is? Has he given you any hints?”
“Sometimes I wonder who he is, yeah.” Ben shrugged, putting his phone in his pocket. “But no, no hints. It’s just nice to speak to someone who’s had a similar experience to me.”
Jay snorted. “And that doesn’t happen often.”
“Exactly!” Ben threw his hands up in disbelief. “I reckon I like him Jay. Is that weird?”
“Na.” Jay commented. “Personality is a big thing in a relationship innit. That’s what people say: looks fade but personalities don’t. It’s nice seeing you be happy again, and if this bloke does that, well, then I ain't exactly complaining.”
Ben raised his eyebrows and metaphorically cheered to that.
Yeah, it would be easier if he could meet the one locally to him, so he wouldn’t have to move out of the annoying comfort blanket that is the E20 postcode, but that didn’t look like it was destined to happen anytime soon, what with him being the only gay man around.
Routine was important in Callum’s life. It always had been. From a young age, he had always dreamed big, dreaming of escaping the shackles of being a Highway. When he fulfilled that dream, he had the routine of the army, a strict regime of waking up early, working out and cooking for hundreds of people.
Now, after leaving the army, he had the eased routine of daily life in Walford. He still enjoyed early mornings, adoring the near empty streets as the sun rose from beyond tall buildings on his morning jog. It was calm, peaceful. It had taken him a while to get to this point, because after leaving the army he felt as if he was all alone in the world, just him and his thoughts. That was until he remembered the people he grew up with, and remembered that they’d written to him, telling him that they had moved, and that there was always room for him in the future. That letter, plus a few phone calls here and there, led him to Walford. It changed his life.
He stood behind the bar of the Vic, phone in his hand as it buzzed. Callum smiled to himself, unable to stop it from spreading wildly across his face, pressing the notification to read the full message.
BigBen: whats your day like today? busy?
Lifesahighway: not really i’m just working for the most of it. actually at work now : )
BigBen: i’ll leave you to it then? ;)
Lifesahighway: we aint busy, don’t leave me alone! I like talking to you
BigBen: just as well i ain’t going nowhere then
“Callum.” Ben spoke, a laugh in his voice, light and airy – a world away from his hard man image he portrayed for so many years. “Important text was it?”
“Something like that.” Callum spoke, shoving his phone in his pocket, making a mental note to text his mystery man later.
Ben chuckled. “Glad to hear it. Because my pints overflowing mate.”
Callum recoiled, bright red exploding onto his cheeks as he looked down to find that Ben’s pint – the pint he was meant to be pulling before he got distracted by his phone – was indeed overflowing and spilling everywhere. “Shit!” he shouted, flustering about everywhere, trying to work out what to do.
Ben leaned over the bar, stopping the pump from releasing any more alcohol and spoke. “Drain all that out, get a new glass and mop it up.” He spoke. “You won’t be the first person to do that and you won’t be the last. This place has seen a lot worse, trust me.”
“How do you know what to do?” Callum enquired, doing what Ben told him, luckily finding a mop before anyone informed Mick what had happened.
Ben shrugged. “I used to live here, when I was a kid. My gran owned this place.”
“Serious?” he asked, looking around the pub, seeing all the quirks that the Carters had very clearly added to the décor, as well as the more traditional items, the ones that have been there long before them and would more than likely remain there long after them as well.
“Yeah.” Ben nodded. “Hope whichever girl you were chatting up is worth it.”
Callum raised an eyebrow, questioning Ben’s comment silently, as he handed the pint over to Ben. “On the house.”
“Cheers.” Ben responded, smile on his face. “Your phone. You looked like you were chatting someone up.” He explained.
“Oh.” Callum chuckled, raising a hand to the back of his head, awkward. “Yeah. Something like that anyway.
Ben accepted that and nodded. “Hope it works out.”
Callum smiled and wanted the ground to swallow him whole. Ben was one of the only gay people he knew, and Callum knew he prided himself on having an excellent gaydar – he had heard it mentioned many a time – yet it clearly couldn’t be that good, because Ben thought Callum was straight.
In fairness, he’d never given Ben any reason to suspect otherwise. He had never really given anyone any reason to suspect otherwise.
Lifesahighway: omg i was thinking about you and embarrassed myself at work, kinda want the ground to eat me whole
“What’s her name?” Ben asked, taking a sip of his drink, ignoring the buzz from his pocket. He couldn’t possibly answer in front of Callum, especially not after hearing from Jay that he lights up with every text from his mystery man.
Callum stopped in his tracks, not knowing what Ben was talking about. “What?”
“Your bird?” Ben hinted. “It’s a simple question Callum, what’s her name?”
Shit .
“I don’t actually know.” He said, his brain working overdrive as he tried to think of a lie to make this story sound even remotely normal.
“You what?” Ben snorted. “You’re chatting someone up, but you don’t know her name?” That’s ironic, he thought for just a second, before squashing the thought down, repressing it.
“I met her in a club a couple of weekends ago. Got her number, but didn’t get her name.” He lied through his teeth. Apparently, he was quite good at it, because Ben looked like he was believing it – that, or just going along with it, knowing full well that Callum was lying to his face. “It’s gone on too long now, I can hardly ask her for her name now, can I?”
Ben chuckled, shaking his head . Only this could happen to Callum. “So how do you plan on finding out her name then?”
Callum shrugged. “I'll have to think of something. Probably just get her to add me on Facebook or something, then I’ll know who she is.”
“That’s quite clever actually.” Ben laughed, nodding in slight appreciation.
“Thank you!” Callum grinned. “I’m glad someone agrees that I’m clever.”
Ben rolled his eyes, smile never fading from his face. “Although,” he pointed out. “You did just overflow a pint. So, not that clever.”
“He did what?” Mick interrupted, having come downstairs into the bar.
“I paid for it Mick, don’t worry!” Callum said, knowing that he would get away with it with Mick. Their relationship was special, always had been, with Mick being like a dad to Callum, much more so than his father ever was.
Mick lightly hit the back of Callum’s head and walked away; hearing Linda shout his name from upstairs.
“Speaking of nights out.” Ben spoke. “Me and Jay are going to the Albert this weekend, if you fancy it?”
“You sure?” Callum asked. He’d never been on a night out with Ben and Jay before. He wasn’t really the type of person who ever really went on nights out.
Ben nodded. “Yeah, it’ll be fun! Jay always gets chatted up. People think he’s a twink.” He winked, and turned to walk away, having drained his pint.
Callum opened his mouth in shock as Ben walked away. His brain went into overdrive again and he felt as if he was going to pass out. Twink. The Albert. In the closet.
BigBen: any plans for tonight? it is a saturday after all
Callum snorted, reading the notification over and over again. It was like his mystery man knew him, even though Callum knew that even the idea of that was nigh on impossible. He was sat on the end of his bed in just his boxers, trying to decide what to wear. It was a struggle, for him. He didn’t want to turn up looking like a slob, like he hadn’t even attempted to make an effort in anything he was wearing or looked like; but on the other hand, he didn’t want to make it too obvious that he was gay. Being around Ben Mitchell was one thing, especially when he didn’t realise. Going out clubbing with said Ben Mitchell was another thing. But going out with Ben Mitchell to a local gay bar was a whole new ball park. It was a terrifying prospect, and it had come around quicker than Callum had ever expected.
Lifesahighway: i’m actually going out tonight. local gay bar for the first time ever!!
He stood up, taking the two shirts he had managed to choose between, and stood in front of the mirror, trying them both on to see which one looked better. He decided on the second one, a maroon shirt with white buttons, fitting to his form perfectly, allowing his chest to look more prominent. Callum smiled to himself, and sent Ben a text, letting him know that he was ready.
It was barely seconds later when his phone buzzed, and he frowned for a moment, because surely Ben wasn’t that speedy at replying. Nobody was.
His phone illuminated with fluorescent orange, showing him that he had a message from his app.
BigBen: your first gay night is always a memorable one – have fun! don’t forget about me ;)
Callum rolled his eyes, a cheesy grin spread wide across his face.
Lifesahighway: as if i could ever forget about you. anyway, you’re still the only one who knows the truth about me
BigBen: so why are you going to a gay bar?
Lifesahighway: because the guy i’m going with is gay. we’re going with his brother, and he’s straight so it won’t be too bad i hope
Callum sighed. His life really was one big complicated mess. His phone buzzed once again, and he expected it to be his mystery man, but he saw that it was a text from Ben, making Callum aware that himself and Jay were outside his flat and ready to go. He sent Ben an emoji – a thumbs up, just to let him know that he had seen the text – and grabbed his wallet and keys before shutting his door and running downstairs to see them waiting outside. Jay was dressed smartly, rolled up skinny jeans with trainers matching the colour of his t-shirt. Ben wore tight black jeans, his signature black boots and a white shirt, adorned with black buttons.
“You scrub up well.” Ben commented, a shy smile to himself before he turned, walking away in pursuit of their destination.
Callum looked to the floor. “Not too bad yourself.” He replied, softly.
Jay all but groaned, rubbing his eyes. “I’m not dealing with you two flirting all night!”
Ben nudged Jay with his shoulder, sending Jay stumbling for a few moments before he regained his footing. He’d been drinking already , Callum thought.
“I’m not flirting, Jay.” Ben said, adamantly. “Anyway, if I was flirting, I wouldn’t be flirting with someone straight. He’s got a girl on the go.”
“Oh yeah?” Jay asked, wrapping his arm around Callum’s shoulder, best he could, considering Callum towered over Jay. “What’s the lucky girls name then.”
Ben snorted, firing over a wink to Callum, who, by this point, was bright red and completely and utterly grateful that they were in the dark, barely illuminated by the street lights that paved their walk.
“What?” Jay asked, oblivious to the shared inside joke between Ben and Callum. “That’s a normal question to ask!”
Ben grinned and turned to Callum. “You gonna explain it, or am I?” He raised an eyebrow, questioning.
Callum rolled his eyes, pleading with the world to cool his cheeks down because, quite frankly, he knew he was as red as a beetroot. “I met this girl. Got her number so I’ve been speaking to her but I don’t know her name.”
Jay stopped in his tracks for a moment, trying to compute what he had just heard. “So,” he started. “How do you plan on finding out her name?”
Ben cackled. “See that’s exactly what I said!” He exclaimed. “But it seems our Callum is somewhat of a genius, because he’s going to get her to add him on Facebook so-”
Jay interrupted. “So, you can find out her name! Mate that’s actually quite clever, I’m impressed.”
Callum shook his head in disbelief, cut short by the realisation they had made it to the Prince Albert.
Being with Ben meant that they went to the front of the queue and straight in, despite the groans from the people they had pushed in front of. Before they walked in, Callum heard one of the bouncers call out to the group still queuing up: “Sorry folks, son of the owner.”
The music blared and hit them suddenly, the club surprisingly much lighter than it was outside, what with the colourful light beams dancing around the walls, illuminating faces for just a second before moving on to its next face.
“I’ll get them in!” Ben shouted over the music, heading towards the bar.
Callum looked around. He’d been here before, of course he had. Walford was a relatively small place, especially for things to do. He would often find himself going into the Prince Albert during the day, sitting down in the corner with a coffee, watching as Tina worked behind the bar. He wouldn’t admit it, not before he’s ready to come out, but it had become somewhat of a safe space for him. But even he hadn’t stepped foot in here on a night out, knowing that even the thought of it was a step too far ahead of himself, currently firmly rooted in the closet, terrified of having the door open in public.
“You alright?” Jay asked, seeing the nervousness exude from Callum’s demeanour.
“Yeah.” He nodded. “Just getting my bearings.”
Before long, Ben rejoined the group, lager bottles in his hand, releasing them into the grasps of Callum and Jay.
“Is Kathy working tonight?” Jay asked.
Ben shook his head. “Nah. Tina and a few of the lads.”
“Free to roam then.” He laughed, causing Ben to nudge into him again, rolling his eyes in disbelief. "Oh, wait no, I forgot you’re off the market.”
Callum turned his head, looking at Ben. “You’ve got a boyfriend?” He asked, trying to hide his shock. For as long as he’s known Ben, he had heard some of the stories of Ben’s past relationships, and he had also heard Ben say that he was sworn off meeting someone new, because they would never compare.
“No.” Ben said. “I don’t. He’s not got a clue what he’s talking about, ignore him.”
Callum nodded. It wasn’t really any of his business anyway. He felt a pang in his heart, because he wished he could be as open as Ben. He wished he could have a boyfriend. He wished he could be open about his sexuality in front of everyone. But no. He wasn’t ready for any of that. Not yet.
The night went on. Music blared around them. They all danced, swaying to the beat of the bass they could feel from beneath them. Drinks flowed, Tina lining up shots for them on more than one occasion. Jay was probably one drink away from ripping his shirt off and getting on the pole.
Callum leaned against the bar, drink in his hand as he gave himself a breather, a moment to reassemble his thoughts. He didn’t notice the person getting closer to him, sliding his body across the edge of the bar in an attempt to smoothly stand next to Callum.
“You alright?” The stranger asked, grin spread across his face.
Callum turned to face him, confusion and a hint of fear spreading through his body like wildfire. He nodded; lips tight.
“Not seen you around here before.” The man said, resting his hand on Callum’s arm. “I’d have remembered you.”
“First time here.” Callum shrugged, and caught eye contact with Ben. Finally .
“Well aren’t I lucky.” The man commented, trailing his fingers lightly over Callum’s arm. “You here alone?”
Ben walked over, standing by Callum’s side, the heat of his body replicating onto Callum’s own. “He’s not interested.” He said bluntly, not fazed by this man at all.
“Is he yours?” He asked, scowling at Ben.
Ben scoffed. “He’s not anyone’s, because he ain’t an object. He also happens to be straight, so I suggest you back off and stop embarrassing yourself.”
Within seconds, the man had walked off with a tut of his tongue and a roll of his eyes.
“You okay?” Ben asked. “If anyone hassles you, let me know.”
Callum nodded. “Yeah, cheers. Thanks.”
The sun rose and spilled through the curtains of Callum’s bedroom. It shone over him, glistened in the mirror and the reflection bounced off of it to land across Callum’s face, the warmth and the light waking him up from his slumber. The alcohol that was once in his system had left during his sleep, leaving in its wake a painstaking headache. He looked around his room, desperate to find some water from the night before, but winced when his mission was unsuccessful. Callum, albeit slowly, pulled the covers away from his body and managed to get up, swinging his legs around the edge of the bed so his feet could land on the floor. He stood up and walked out of his bedroom and into the kitchen, pulling a clean glass from the cupboard and filling it up with tap water. Within seconds the water was gone, Callum practically dehydrated with a dry throat. Without a word, he rubbed his eyes and returned back to his bed, cocooning himself in his covers with his phone in his hand.
Lifesahighway: never again. ever.
BigBen: hahahaha that good was it?
Callum sighed, scratching at the stubble that had grown coarse overnight.
Lifesahighway: my head is bangin
BigBen: poor you : ( did u meet anyone?
Callum scoffed, bundling his covers further up to his shoulder, hooking it under his chin to keep it in place. It was warm, extremely warm, but he needed the comfort so it was a risk he was willing to take.
Lifesahighway: someone tried chatting me up, he wasn’t my type
BigBen: what is your type then?
He laughed, shaking his head softly. He knew they were flirting, that much was obvious. It had just never happened to Callum before, not with someone who he actually had an interest in.
Lifesahighway: whoever you are
Callum grinned to himself, a pang of fuzziness exploding in his stomach, nerves overtaking his body as he realised what he had just done. He flirted. Like, actually flirted, with someone he had an interest in, but had never met. He didn’t even know what his anonymous stranger looked or sounded like. He threw his phone down on the mattress and pulled the quilt over his head, attempting to go back to sleep for an hour or two, praying that it would make his hangover induced headache disappear.
He woke up to his phone buzzing next to him, the vibrating noise against the mattress grating on him. Callum picked his phone up and looked at the screen through blurry eyes, not recognising the number. As soon as he could register that fact, the call stopped and he was awake. It was now brighter outside, with more noise as people filled the streets, going about their day to day business. He sighed and rubbed his eyes, sitting up straighter, leaning against the headboard. He looked down at his phone, scrolling through his notifications, a few texts from Mick asking if he can work later in the day, until he came to the one he desired the most.
BigBen: well that was unexpected
BigBen: liked it though
BigBen: what scares you about coming out?
He thought about that for a moment, genuinely taken aback by the question. He hadn’t really thought out what necessarily scared him about the idea of coming out to everyone in his life, he just knew that he was scared of doing it. His fingers trembled as his thumbs hovered over the keypad, trying to start the message.
Lifesahighway: everything
Lifesahighway: well not everything. i know loads of gay people in the area i live and my boss has a sister who is gay and his son is gay so i really shouldn’t be that scared because i know people will accept me. i’ve waited years to tell people and the longer i’ve waited the more anxious i get that i’ve waited too long and now i can’t do it
Lifesahighway: i just wish i could go back in time and tell people from the moment i knew myself
Lifesahighway: also i’m terrified that i’ll never meet anyone
He was aware he had gone on a bit of a rant, but he felt all the better for it, as though a metaphorical weight had been lifted from his shoulders, finally releasing all the anguish it had been causing to Callum. He quickly sent a text to Mick, asking what time he should come in, and climbed out of bed, his head not aching anymore.
The clock ticked by and the programmes on television changed over, Callum not taking much notice of what was going on. He was just biding his time, waiting for his shift to start. He twirled his phone around in his hands, watching as the screen illuminated and then turned off. It had been hours since he rambled on to his anonymous man about his sexuality, and the pang of anxiousness that swirled around his body ever since then was unlike anything he had ever known. He opened up his heart and soul, exposing all his feelings about how he wanted to come out more than anything, but how he was bitterly terrified of rejection and being forced to lose everything he has come to know and love. He sighed, rolling his head back to look at the ceiling. It was oddly interesting all of a sudden. Whilst he was staring at it, contemplating counting the marks on it as a pastime, his phone buzzed. He picked it up, believing it would be Mick, probably changing the time of his shift again, but when he saw it was from his mystery man, his head shot back to a natural position so fast it would probably be a cause of whiplash.
BigBen: yeah i get that completely. coming out is a scary thought, but at least you have people around you that are queer themselves. maybe it would be easier if you told them first. that way you would have the experience of telling someone about you, without worrying about how they would react. then when the time is right for you, you can tell the rest of the world and it might not be as scary
Callum smiled and the anxiety he was once filled with, dissipated. Just reading those words relaxed him. As he started to write back a message, his phone buzzed with another notification.
BigBen: and i wouldn’t worry about not meeting someone. you definitely will
Lifesahighway: you’re amazing : )
BigBen: it has been said ;)
Hours later, when Callum had managed to crawl his way out of the enticing comfort of his bed, he made his way over to the café before his shift. It wasn’t busy, just a few of the locals in to catch a cup of tea and a light snack before heading home for the rest of the evening. Mostly, it was just filled with people gossiping.
Ben stood at the till, leaning against it as he spoke to his mum. He looked up, and saw Callum walking towards him. “You look rough.” He laughed, causing Callum to wince. “Go and sit down, I’ll get this for you.”
“Cheers mate.” Callum groaned, rubbing his temples as he walked over to the corner table, needing to sit as far away from humanity as possible.
Moments passed by, and Ben sat down at the table, opposite Callum. He placed two mugs on the table, one closer to Callum and one still in his hands. Callum smiled gratefully, before taking a sip from his mug and gagging on it, spluttering the liquid everywhere.
Ben snorted out a laugh, having to place his own mug down on the table just to stop him from spilling it, his hand was shaking that much from laughter. “What’s wrong with it?”
Callum shook his head, wiping his mouth on a napkin. “Sorry, I just.” He started, pausing to wipe up the liquid that had spilled onto the tabletop. “I don’t like coffee. Or tea.”
“What do you drink in here then? Milkshake?” Ben chuckled. “Do you want me to get you Lexi’s favourite?”
Callum rolled his eyes. “Hot chocolate. Your mum makes great hot chocolate.”
“She does, actually.” Ben noted, standing up.
“W-where are you going?” Callum asked, eyes trailing up to follow Ben.
“Getting you a hot chocolate.” Ben said, as though it was obvious.
“You don’t have to do that!” he said. “I’ll try this!”
Ben chuckled, shaking his head. “You just spat it up. I’m getting you a hot chocolate, no complaints.”
Jay grinned as he slapped Ben on the back, hands snaking around to rest on his shoulders, gripping him in place. “What’s got you grinning like the Cheshire cat then mate?”
Ben quickly locked his phone and pocketed it, shrugging Jay off of him.
It had been like this for weeks now. Someone close to Ben, mainly Jay, or Lola, or even Kathy, on a few occasions, would spot Ben with a smile on his face, as if he’d just been told he was a millionaire thanks to the lottery. It was unsettling, if they were completely honest. It had been a long time since Ben was this happy. Long enough that they had forgotten what it looked like, truth be told. But now, all of a sudden, Ben was happy again, and nobody really knew why. Jay had his suspicions - of course he did. He wouldn’t be Ben’s best friend if he didn’t suspect a reasoning behind Ben’s unnerving, sudden and unrelenting happiness.
“Nothing.” Ben said, folding his arms and sitting back in his seat. “Nothing that’s any of your business anyway.”
Jay raised his arms in faux surrender. “Alright, alright! Calm down.” He laughed. “I was just wondering if all this,” he motioned to Ben, waving his finger around his face, “was all to do with your mystery man.”
“What mystery man?” Ben asked, his lips curving into a smile, telling Jay all he needed to know.
And as if luck would have it, Ben’s phone buzzed in his pocket.
“Not gonna answer that?” Jay asked.
Ben shook his head swiftly. “It’s not important.”
Jay sat forward, resting his head on his hands. “How would you know, if you don’t look?” He enquired.
“Smart arse.” Ben chuckled, digging into his pockets to grab his phone. Instinctively, when he saw the notification flash up on his lockscreen, he smiled.
Lifesahighway: how do you even get out of bed so early? half 6? wouldn’t catch me doin that for anythin! what u doin today?
BigBen: got a kid, early mornings are normal now haha! im at work with my brother, but he’s not working – more just trying to find out why im smiling so much x
“You’re doing it again.” Jay commented, his eyes directed towards Ben over the top of the paperwork he was suddenly reading.
Ben looked up, dragging his eyes away from his phone painstakingly. “Doing what, exactly?”
“Smiling!” Jay shouted, putting the paperwork down on the desk, both of them silently wincing as it scatters everywhere. “Bruv, we ain’t seen you this happy in a long time. Every time you’re on your phone, or you get a text, you can’t help but smile. You ain’t even complaining that you got woke up at the crack of dawn, and normally by now you would’ve bit my ear off about it! Is this that fella?”
“Don’t go saying anything bruv, you know what my mums like.” Ben resigned. “I don’t even know his name. I don’t know what he looks like or anything. We just click. It works.”
Jay leaned back and crossed his arms. “Want to know what I think?”
Ben rolled his eyes but a smiled rose on his face regardless. “Go on then. Hit me with your pearls of wisdom.”
“I reckon, this is as new to him as it is to you. You said he isn’t out yet, yeah?” Ben nodded. “Right, well then think how you felt when you hadn’t come out yet. And then speak to him about it. Tell him how you feel. Ask how he would feel about meeting up with you. Because I haven’t seen you this happy since Paul, mate, and I was wondering if I ever would see it again.”
And so it happened. Later that night, Ben sat down with a pint in one hand, phone in the other, and some old film on the television, illuminating the living room in flashes of technicolour, painting the walls with every change of scene. He twirled his phone around in his hand, his mind racing through his and Jay’s conversation earlier that morning. He knew that Jay was right. He hadn’t been this happy in a long time, not since Paul. And that was all because of a guy who he didn’t even know the name of. With a sigh, he unlocked his phone, and sent a text.
BigBen: hypothetically what would u do if someone told you they had fallen for you on here?
He sighed and threw his phone to the side of him, needing to get it away from him to forget he had ever sent the text. He took a swig of his beer, and rested his feet up on the coffee table in front of him, trying to concentrate on the film that was playing, but he had missed too much of the plot for it to make sense. Not that he minded - it was a welcome distraction from the anxiety that was building up in his stomach.
The phone buzzed at the side of him, vibrating against his thigh, and with a deep intake of breath, he picked it up, hesitantly looking at the notification.
Lifesahighway: idk its not like im gonna experience that am i?
Ben winced, cringing both internally and externally at the fact he even brought this up. He was going to kill Jay. Murder him.
Without a second thought, Ben found himself drafting up a new message.
BigBen: what if i told you i was falling?
Before he could even lock his phone, he noticed that the text had been read, and a bubble with three dots suddenly appeared. No going back now.
Lifesahighway: then i’d say it back
A grin spread across Ben’s face and suddenly felt like he was a blushing school girl texting her first crush. He cleared his throat and replied.
BigBen: and mean it?
A response came quick enough, phone buzzing in Ben’s hand as he was midway through taking a gulp of his pint.
Lifesahighway: and mean it x
It was starting to approach summer now, clear blue skies spread far and wide, the sun out and beaming for most of the day. It was nice, lovely even, and everyone appreciated the world that little bit more, being able to finish a days work when it was still bright outside, going to The Vic with friends and family and work colleagues and hearing the latest gossip of the day.
For Ben, nothing really had changed. He was still working every day, still looking after Lexi, and still checking his phone every minute of every day and smiling uncontrollably when he saw the notifications he was waiting for. It had been months now, since he had first started speaking to his anonymous man, both of them opening up about ordeals they had faced in the past. It scared Ben – although he would never admit it – that they both knew so much about each other, but had never exposed their true identity. For days now, he had been thinking about what it would be like if he was to meet his mystery man, but the fear of the unknown terrified him. What if he wasn’t the same in real life? What if he was a crazed axe murderer? What if Ben knew him, somehow? But overwhelmingly, Ben was happy. He was the happiest he had been for a very long time, and that was almost shocking to him, how someone who he had never even met had managed to put a smile on his face, and kept it there. It was intriguing. His anonymous man was intriguing. Which is exactly why Ben sat outside in the early evening sun, a slight breeze cooling him down in stark comparison to the afternoon when the heat had gotten too much, and sent a text with shaky hands and bated breath.
BigBen: what do you think about meeting me?
He sighed and looked up, watching as clouds appeared, hiding the sun behind them before it reappeared again. Ben closed his eyes and breathed out deeply. Noise surrounded him, laughter from the Queen Vic when the doors opened, chatter as people walked home across the square, and the last few workers from the market shutting their stalls for the night. In his hand, his phone buzzed, and when he looked down, he saw that it was Jay ringing up.
“You alright?” Ben asked, putting his phone to his ear.
“Yeah. What are you doing sat on your own?” Jay asked, a laugh in his voice.
Ben looked around, trying to find out where Jay was. “Where are you?”
“Vic. Callum’s just said you’re on your own. Come over for a pint.” Jay insisted, and Ben agreed, and disconnected the call, checking his phone for any notifications one last time before walking the short distance to the pub.
“Yes mate!” Jay shouted above the noise as Ben walked through the doors. “Callum’s got you one in, come and sit with us.”
Ben walked towards them, picking up his pint and taking a sip. “Cheers.” He directed to Callum, firing him a wink at the same time.
Callum nodded back in response. “No bother. I was getting myself one anyway.”
Ben sat down, forcing Jay to slide over in the booth. Callum sat opposite Ben, and underneath the table, their knees knocked together for just a moment before he stood up, announcing that he was just nipping to the toilet.
“What’s up with you?” Jay asked, flicking Ben’s chin.
Ben shook his head. “Nothing.” He defended, before taking a sip of his pint.
“Oh, sorry, yeah course.” Jay nodded. “Forgot I didn’t know you inside out.”
“Nothing’s wrong with me.” Ben rolled his eyes. “I just texted the guy, asking about the idea of us meeting up, and I’m just waiting to hear back.”
Jay nodded. “That’s huge though. You think he’ll say yeah?”
“Hopefully.” Ben smiled.
Callum sat back down again, this time with a few bags of nuts. “Mick just threw these at me. Said they’re going out of date soon so we could have them for free.”
Ben opened a packet up, leaving it on the table facing his direction. “Are you not working tonight?”
“Nope.” Callum shook his head. “Been given the weekend off, starting from tonight. Reckon it’s because they’re having that do in here next weekend and they’ll want me to work that.”
“Meant to be boiling then as well.” Jay said.
Ben nodded, throwing peanuts into his mouth. “Yeah, Lo was saying something about taking Lexi to Margate, but I reckon it’ll be heaving.” He suddenly remembered the weight of his phone in his pocket, and felt the sudden urge to check it. He pulled it out of his pockets as Jay and Callum spoke about the party that was happening at the weekend, and read his notifications.
Lifesahighway: i think…when and where? i’ll be there x
He smiled shyly, recognising that he was in public and he was Ben Mitchell, so grinning massively would be an odd concept for many of the people that surrounded him. He nudged Jay in the side, holding his phone out for him to see.
“Yes bruv! Knew it!” Jay shouted, slapping Ben’s back in excitement.
Callum watched on, confused as to what just happened, laughing at Ben as he winced at Jay’s slap, all three of them somehow surprised that Jay could produce a slap that would injure Ben.
“What’s going on?” Callum asked, laughing over his pint glass.
“Ben’s got a date!” Jay announced happily, as though it was him himself who had gotten the date. “Finally!”
Ben looked in the mirror, a white shirt in one hand, burgundy shirt in the other. He alternated between them, placing them over his chest, trying to work out which one he looked the best in. It had been a few weeks since he had gotten his date with his mystery man, both of them being busy at the weekend until now, and the overall excitement of the situation was slightly overshadowed by the wave of anxiety that Ben had been feeling with every moment it had gotten closer. They had both decided to meet at the Prince Albert, and Ben was shocked because his mystery man knew Ben’s local gay bar well. He wasn’t expecting that, and since that moment he was slightly terrified that he would know the man that he was meeting. He sighed, and decided on the white shirt, shrugging it on over his body and tucking it into his jeans.
Eventually, when he made his way to the Prince Albert, he sent a text, sitting down at a table.
BigBen: hey, i’m sat at the table on the left, wearing white x
BigBen: i got you a hot chocolate as well x
He took a sip of his own coffee and smiled to himself, in an attempt to calm himself down. Music played softly from the speakers, a far cry from the pulsating music that played at night when it was transformed form a daytime café to a nightclub. It was a relaxing atmosphere, though Ben couldn’t relax with his heart beating tenfold and his brain working overtime, thinking of all the different eventualities. His phone buzzed from its place on the table, the vibration of it causing it to dance along the wooden platform.
Lifesahighway: that’s perfect – hot chocolate is the only hot drink i like! i’m not far away x
Ben smiled, excitement overriding his anxiety completely now. Butterflies practically erupted in his stomach, as if he were a cliché. He typed back a message – probably the last one before he finally met his mystery man.
BigBen: thats like my friend. he’s the only other person i know who doesn’t like tea or coffee but loves hot choc x
Callum breathed out a sigh, his shoulders rising and then deflating. His heart beat a million miles an hour and his head felt weighty upon his shoulders. He felt as if his heart would leap out of his chest any second, if that was at all possible. Callum was nervous. Of course he was. For months now, he had been building up the courage to finally admit to the people in his life that he was gay, and today was the first step in the new direction he hoped his life would take. Today, Callum would be meeting the anonymous man he had been talking to, for months. Anxiety flooded through him as he made his way over to the Prince Albert, his legs feeling like jelly and his hands shaking. He knew where his mystery man would be sitting, thankfully he had told Callum that. Callum turned the corner, his destination finally within his sight, and he paused in his movements for a moment. With another deep breath, he looked to his feet as they started moving again, picking up momentum to carry him to the door of the Prince Albert. Something clicked in his brain, and told him to look into the building, so that’s what he did. He shut his eyes for a moment, prolonging his nervous anticipation even longer, until it got too much for him and he peered inside, looking in the exact direction his anonymous man was sat.
“What the fuck?” Callum gasped out, falling backwards a few steps, his hand quickly coming up to his face in shock.
Inside, on the exact table Callum was looking at, Ben was sat with his phone in hand, smile on his face.
Surely not? Surely the man Callum had opened his heart up to was not Ben bloody Mitchell.
Without a second thought, Callum turned on his heels, too terrified to even walk through the doors. He couldn’t do this. All of the courage that he once had about telling people who he truly was, evaporated within seconds. He couldn’t deal with this at all. He turned the corner once again, and headed in the direction of the Minute Mart, with two goals in mind: getting drunk, and forgetting this ever happened.
The clocked ticked by as songs transitioned into another, and then another, and then another. Ben looked around, anxiety swimming around his body, a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach. He checked his phone, just in case he had missed any messages, but it was empty, apart from a text from Jay, saying he hopes the date goes to plan.
He groaned, and slammed his hands to the table.
The date had to show up for it to fucking go to plan.
Ben rose from his seat, pocketing his phone and started to walk back home, intent on not seeing a single person along his journey. He was angry. Upset, mainly, but angry too. The second he got back into his house, he kicked his shoes off, not caring one bit where they landed, and walked straight into the kitchen to open up a can of lager, a secondary can already lined up in his other hand. He got stood up, so he was drowning his sorrows. Ben rubbed his eyes, pressing down hard until he saw lines of pink and red and his eyes started to tingle. His phone buzzed in his pocket, and, without checking his notifications, he turned the device off and threw it onto the coffee table with a clatter, not caring if it smashed to pieces.
Days passed in a blur. Callum hadn’t left the house that much in that time, or even barely at all. The only times he plucked up the courage to escape the confines of his own house were in the dead of the night, with only the moon and stars and streetlights for company. Each walk would result in him picking up more alcohol, only to go back home and consume it all in a matter of hours. He ignored every knock at the door, every ring of his bell, and especially every buzz of his phone.
He knew he should have been to work, multiple times, in fact. But he just couldn’t. The thought terrified him. He knew it was impossible, because he knew that he managed to move away from the entrance of the Prince Albert without Ben seeing him, but Callum was petrified of Ben finding out the true identity of his mystery man, and subsequently discovering Callum’s deepest secret. He knew, in his heart of hearts that nothing bad would happen to him, if Ben knew the truth. He couldn’t hate Callum for being gay, because Ben himself, was gay. But Callum had really fallen for his mystery man, and with that meant – he had fallen for Ben . All the courage he had managed to build up, wilted away within a matter of days, and he relied on the alcohol to keep himself from falling to pieces.
So, he rang Mick. He apologised for everything, and just said that he had been going through some stuff, and had a bad few days. He confirmed that he would be in work the following day, as per his usual shift hours, and the second he put his phone down, he picked up another can of cider, one that was camouflaged by all of the others that he had emptied and squashed over the past few days.
His brain ached inside his skull as the alcohol made its way through his body, sending him light headed and in his daze. Callum had no idea why he was getting so drunk, alone, on a Thursday, once he had made his way through the remainder of the cans in his flat, but he thought it might be something to do with the horrible guilty feeling that weighed down his stomach.
And then he remembered.
Ben .
He pulled out his phone, and started to compose a text message to him. Half of the words he wrote probably didn’t make much sense at all, but he just needed to get it all out.
Ben had zero idea what he had done wrong. His mystery man had been just as excited about meeting up as he was. It wasn’t just his mystery man that was avoiding him. It was Callum as well, but it seemed as though he was avoiding everyone, because when he asked Jay and even Mick if they had heard anything from him, they just shook their heads. Ben had even gone around to Callum’s flat, one evening, and there was nothing in response. The door was left unanswered, the curtains drawn to a close, and Ben wondered what was going on to the people in his life.
Since then, he’d just been stuck in the same old boring routine. Waking up, checking his phone through its cracked screen, being disappointed when he didn’t find a text from the person he wanted one from. Then he’d go to work, make an appearance in the Vic with a fake smile spread across his face, not quite reaching his eyes like it usually would, had it been real. By the end of the night, he’d be spread out across the sofa, can of lager in his hand, waiting for his head to go fuzzy enough so that he’d be able to get a few hours sleep, at least.
His phone rested on his chest as he watched the news - the mundane life he burdens, heavy now. It wasn’t even late, yet he was tired. Tired of it all. Ben just wanted some sort of closure, an answer as to why he was stood up, and was now being ignored. He stood up and drained over half of his pint down the sink, and walked upstairs to his bedroom, the alcohol that he had consumed nowhere near enough to send him to sleep. He stared at the ceiling, contemplating on counting how many bumps he could find when his phone buzzed beside him. He picked it up, smiling – properly, this time – when he just about made out Callum’s name through the cracks that littered his screen.
I really need a new phone , he thought, but clicked the notification open anyway.
Callum: it wass me. lifesahighway thats me ! sorry i didnt meet u i got scared when i saw you beacause i thought u would hate me. i didnt know i was talking to u
What?
Ben shifted in his bed and sat upright, his phone in his hands, reading over the words again and again, just to check he had read them right.
Callum was gay? Callum was the guy he had fallen for? Callum?
He pressed his number, trying to ring him, but it wouldn’t go through. He tried again a second time, and still, Callum didn’t pick up. He didn’t know what to do, but he knew he couldn’t go over there. It was getting late now, and judging by the state of the text, Callum was probably drunk. Neither of them were in any fit state to have a discussion that deep.
He peered at the clock besides him, and knew that he was in for a long night. He had to be up early in the morning to take Lexi to school, but after that revelation, there was no chance that he was sleeping anytime soon.
Ben’s eyes ached as the morning came around, the sky outside shifting from black, to navy, and then brightening up with flashes of oranges and pink. His head pounded, the lack of sleep evident from black bags hung underneath his eyes. All he wanted to do was fall asleep, but he could hear Lexi watching morning TV downstairs, and that was enough to make him climb out of his unslept in bed. He trudged downstairs and made some coffee in a vain attempt to wake himself up.
It was barely half nine in the morning when a vigorous knocking at the door woke Callum up. He rubbed his eyes and walked over to the phone, placing it to his ear, thinking it would be Mick.
“It’s Ben.” He spoke. “Let me in.”
Callum sighed, but conceded anyway, pressing the buzzer.
He stood there shirtless, grateful for the joggers that covered the bottom half of his body up, at least. Looking around the room, he searched for a jacket, or at least a shirt, but couldn’t find one, and then the door to the flat opened, and Ben walked in.
“Did I wake you up?” He asked, nodding his head in the direction of Callum’s appearance.
Callum ran his fingers through his hair, suddenly shy. “Yeah.” He admitted. “I had a few last night, so I slept in this morning.”
“Oh, I know.” Ben pointed out, perching on the arm of the sofa.
“You what?” Callum asked, confused now. How could Ben know that he had been drinking the night before?
Ben huffed out a smile, looking down at his hands. “You might want to check your phone.”
Callum patted his jogger pockets, and felt his phone in one of them. He pulled it out, and held it up to Ben. “There’s nothing on it.”
“Check your messages.” Ben instructed.
He unlocked the phone, and clicked onto his messaging app, and blood drained from his head the second he realised what Ben was talking about. He had told him everything. Callum looked up at Ben, tears forming in his eyes as he panicked. Ben stood up quickly, getting to his feet and striding over to Callum, his right hand already extended as he placed it to Callum’s cheek. Warmth hit warmth, and Callum almost melted under the barely there embrace. He had never been this close to a man before. Not really.
“It’s fine.” Ben whispered out, softly. “Why didn’t you meet me?”
Callum shrugged, thinking it over for a second. “I was scared. I went, and I saw you sitting there where you told me you’d be and I just didn’t expect it. I’ve been terrified about coming out, and I just thought that if I met up with the guy I’d been speaking to, and actually go on a date, it’d help me. Like, it’d be the first step in being able to tell people. So, when I saw you, I got scared and ran away, because I wasn’t expecting it to be someone I already knew.”
“And how do you feel, knowing that it’s me you were talking to?” Ben asked shyly, running his thumb over Callum’s skin.
“Same as I’ve always felt.” Callum shrugged. “I wasn’t lying about how I felt about you. Somehow, it just makes a lot more sense now. It’s scary. But you’re attractive, I’ve always liked you, and then I found out that you were this mystery person I was falling for, and it made sense, but I was still terrified because it would mean walking in there and telling you that it was me, and I don’t think you want that.”
Ben cocked an eyebrow, smirk appearing on his face. “What, you think I don’t want you?”
Callum nodded his head, and looked down. Ben moved his hand from the side of Callum’s face, hooking his forefinger underneath his chin, his thumb just on it, below his lip. “I’ve wanted you from the day I met you. When you were stood in the Vic, and you tripped over your own feet and threw a pint all down Shirley.” Both of them laughed at that, remembering how Shirley wiped her eyes clear of the alcohol and quickly started to chase Callum around the pub. “But you were straight, so I didn’t think I had a chance with you.”
“And now?” Callum asked, biting his lip. Ben pulled at it, releasing his skin from the hold of his teeth.
“Well, now, you’re apparently not straight at all, and you’ve just said I’m attractive, so I’d like to think I’m in with a shot.” Ben grinned.
Callum extended his arm, placing his hand on Ben’s waist, pulling him in slightly. “I’d say you are. If that’s what you want?”
Ben stared up into Callum’s eyes, admiring the darker blue shades that wove in to the lighter blue shades, like waves in the ocean crashing onto the shore. “Can I kiss you?” He asked, voice quiet.
A smile rose on Callum’s lips, and for the first time in days he felt like the dark clouds that shrouded his head finally lifted. He nodded, gently, and ran his thumb up and down Ben’s waist, clinging onto him for dear life, terrified that this was all just a dream. Ben reached up, standing on the ball of his feet as he decimated the height difference between them. His hand had run back around Callum’s face, now hooking on to the back of his head, fingers threading through his hair. His other hand was pressed to Callum’s bare chest, and he could feel the thumps of his heart with every second that passed, getting louder and louder. Finally, their lips collided, and Callum relaxed. His free hand joined the other, on the opposite side of Ben’s waist, cradling him. Their bodies were pressed together, Ben still stretching, and Callum hunching over just a little bit, as they worked out how to kiss each other. It was a long time coming, even though neither of them really knew that. Callum smiled into the kiss, and wrapped his arms further around Ben, his hand pulling at the back of his shirt, untucking it from his jeans and pressing his hand to the skin of Ben’s back, thumb running circles over it, comfortingly. Ben deepened the kiss, biting down at Callum’s lip and grinning in response when Callum allowed him to do so. Within seconds, Ben’s back was pressed against the wall, Callum up against him, their bodies pressed together. Ben’s arms curled their way around Callum’s shoulders, and somehow, not long after that, Callum managed to lift Ben up, causing him to wrap his legs around Callum’s waist, completely encircling him now.
“You alright?” Callum asked, hooking his hands under Ben’s thighs.
Ben just nodded, and whispered out a “Yeah” in a husky, deep voice, waiting in anticipation for Callum to press their lips together once more.
Callum smiled at Ben, lazily drawing patterns over his bare chest with his finger. They were lying in bed, only a few hours since they had confessed everything. It had been a whirlwind of emotions in such a short amount of time, Callum finally admitting his feelings, Ben listening to every single word. Ben finally had some closure as to why he was being ignored, and now he was happy, with Callum by his side.
Ben yawned, and grabbed hold of Callum’s hand, locking their fingers together and resting them on his chest.
“Tired?” Callum asked, turning his body even further and pressing a soft kiss to Ben’s lips.
“Hmm.” He hummed out in agreement. “Couldn’t sleep last night.”
Ben ran his thumb over Callum’s knuckles, both of them enjoying the serenity of Callum’s bedroom on a Friday morning.
Callum sighed. “Because of me?”
Ben chuckled, and lifted their connected hands to his lips. “That text stressed me out, babe.”
“I’m sorry.” He whispered, cuddling into Ben’s body.
“It’s fine.” Ben admitted, smiling up at Callum. “I reckon you’ve more than made up for it.”
Callum nudged Ben, shaking his head in disbelief, though the smile on his face showed just how happy he was. Ben leaned up, his hand to the back of Callum’s head, and kissed him again, taking him in. He couldn’t believe he finally got to do this – finally kiss Callum.
The older man was the same. All his life, he had been forced into kissing girls, and he grimaced at the thought of it. Sticky lips full of make up was not appealing in the slightest for him. But for some reason, kissing Ben, was perfect. It was all harsh, dry lips, and stubble rubbing against stubble that would probably cause some discomfort in the coming days, but he didn’t care at all. There was something entrancing about Ben, and Callum loved it.
“Will you come to the Vic with me?” Callum asked, lips barely centimetres away from Ben’s. “I’ve got a shift for the rest of the day.”
Ben smiled, running his hand down the spine of Callum’s back, fingers lightly tracing his bones. “Yeah. But I’ve got to pick Lexi up in a bit, so I won’t be able to stay all afternoon.” He explained. “I can come back though, later tonight. If that’s what you want?”
Callum nodded, and pressed a gentle kiss to Ben’s shoulder, looking up at him through his fluttery eyelashes and catching sight of the marks he had left along Ben’s collarbone, scattering all the way to his neck. “I want to tell Mick.”
“Are you sure?” Ben asked. He knows it’s a huge step, especially for Callum. They had spoken about how difficult it was, for Callum to tell anyone that he’s gay. They both knew that Mick would be accepting, as would so many others in Callum’s life. And if people didn’t accept his sexuality, then Callum doesn’t need them in his life.
It was a difficult thought – to finally open up to everyone about his sexuality - but now that Callum has taken that first step, he just wanted to carry on. He nods, chin resting on Ben’s shoulder. “That’s why I want you there. I can do it, if you’re next to me.”
“Then I’ll be there. We’ll take this,” he pointed his finger between himself and Callum, “at your pace. Whatever you want.”
Callum smiled, pressing a kiss to Ben’s lips as his fingers explored his body. “I want you.” He grinned, wrapping one leg around Ben’s waist and hitching himself up, his body now hovering over Ben’s.
“The wanderer returns!” Mick announced, the second the door swung to a shut behind Callum and Ben.
Callum huffed out a laugh, looking down at his shoes as he smiled and shook his head. His heart raced tenfold, and only really eased down ever so slightly when he felt Ben’s hand on his shoulder, giving him a comforting squeeze. It was a silent confirmation of ‘you can do this!’ He walked forward, Ben hot on his heels, and reached the bar.
“Sorry I went missing, I’ve just had a few things to come to terms with.” Callum spoke, his hands pressed to the bar, knuckles going white he was holding on that strongly.
“Can I speak to you?”
“Course!” Mick said, ushering them over to the far end of the bar, where the late afternoon crowd of customers didn’t seem to be around. He knew from Callum’s face, just how anxious and nervous he was. Callum wouldn’t like to admit it, but he knew that Mick could read him like a book, having seen all the emotions he had gone through since being a child.
Callum paused for a minute, trying to think of how to say it. Those words . Ben noticed that he was struggling, so he sneakily placed his hand on the small of Callum’s back, reassuring him. “I’m gay. And I’ve known it for a while, but I’ve been terrified of telling people because I don’t know what they’ll think, but yeah I met someone an-”
Mick interrupted Callum’s ramblings by pulling him in for a hug, wrapping his arms entirely around Callum’s frame as Callum nudged his nose into Mick’s shoulder, folding down to fit into the embrace. They remained there for a few moments, before Mick pulled back with a cough to clear his throat. Callum wiped his eyes dry.
“I’m proud of you son.” Mick responded, resting his hand on Callum’s shoulder. “So proud.”
“Thank you, Mick.” Callum smiled.
A weight had finally been lifted from Callum’s shoulders, relief overcoming him. Now two people knew his truth, and that was two more than the day before. It was a slow process, coming out, but there was no going back now. Not that he wanted to change any of this.
“And you.” Mick pointed his finger towards Ben. “You better look after him. Treat him right.”
Ben laughed, eyes connected with Callum’s, neither of them daring to look away. “I will.” He grinned.
Callum unzipped his jacket and shrugged it off, walking behind the bar. “Anyway, I’m back now, so I can make up for the hours.”
“And I,” Ben looked at his watch, “have a daughter to pick up before the school start to think I’ve forgotten about her.” He winked at Callum, and started to turn, before a hand clasping onto his arm stopped him.
“Come here.” Callum whispered, half leaning over the bar, waiting for Ben to do the same. Within seconds, Ben followed, and Callum pressed a quick, fleeting kiss to his lips, not caring if people saw it. “Come and see me later, yeah?”
Ben nodded. “Yeah.” And with that – plus a tingle on his lips from where Callum had kissed him – Ben left the Vic.
Mick grinned and nudged Callum’s shoulder. “You like him, yeah?” Mick asked.
Callum rolled his eyes, but the blush upon his cheeks told a different story. A very different story.
Three years later
Moonlight glazed over them as they laid sated in bed. A lot had changed, since they had first started their relationship, but this ? This will always be the same. It will always be Ben and Callum and fiery passion that had been hidden away for so long, erupting to the surface and deciding it needed to be shown. It will always be slow, deep thrusts and the biting of lips and the teeth clashing through moans and gasps. It will always be them, in love, and not ashamed of it. In fact, quite the opposite. Callum pulled out with a groan, looking down at Ben’s body and witnessed it painted in his seed, dick now spent and softening against his skin. Ben’s hair was stuck to his forehead, sweat droplets still on his skin, falling into his eyes. His lips were full, and red, and glossy, and Callum grinned, leaning down on shaky arms to lap up another round of kissing from his boyfriend. He never got tired of it, being able to kiss Ben whenever and wherever he wanted. Ben’s fingers fell back into Callum’s hair, threading through it at the nape of his neck, holding him there, taking the kiss in. The rest of the world was silent, but all that mattered was the soft moans that escaped their mouths as they moved in time, like a passionate dance, but with more fireworks and eagerness. Ben bit down on Callum’s bottom lip, and released him best he could, sinking further and further into the mattress, head dizzy. Callum pushed back up on his arms, and Ben watched with a suddenly dry throat as his muscles contracted, looking more and more defined as the seconds passed by. Neither of them spoke – they didn’t need to. They just watched as their chests rise and then fell, heavy breathing still in the air. Callum lifted an arm, and ran his fingers through his hair, flopping it back in an attempt to get his hair out of his eyes. Within seconds though, it fell back down, curling back into his eyes, so he moved from above Ben, to his side, sinking into the mattress alongside him, every bone in his body aching. His arm was spread across their pillows, allowing Ben to cuddle into Callum’s body, and he did so immediately. It was something that they both loved: having someone to hold, and being held themselves. Callum held his hand out, patiently waiting for Ben to hold onto it, but instead, Ben traced Callum’s fingers with his own, running his index finger up and down, before residing it on Callum’s palm, gently tracing the creases of his hands, tickling him. Eventually, their fingers become entwined, and rested on Ben’s chest.
“That was still as good as the first time.” Ben absentmindedly commented.
Callum chuckled out a laugh, turning his head to look at his boyfriend. “What?” He asked. “The first time we had sex? Was I not awful?”
“No!” Ben laughed, shifting to get ever closer to Callum. “You were amazing. And gentle. I loved it.”
Callum blushed, tilting his head into Ben’s. “Remember our first date?”
Ben chuckled at that, resting his chin on Callum’s chest, looking up at him. “I was that nervous I texted you on the app, asking if you were ready, and then got stressed out when you didn’t respond.”
“But I’d deleted it already because I started to come out to everyone. Didn’t need it anymore.” Callum smiled, brushing Ben’s hair back.
“I was genuinely terrified.” Ben admitted. “I knew how much I liked you, and I just kept thinking that I’d embarrass myself, and you wouldn’t want to be with me.”
It was a terrifying thought, their first date. It happened just a week after their first kiss, a week after they both first admitted their feelings and true identity, and in that week, Callum had started the journey into coming out. The more people that found out, the scarier it got, and there was a point where they both thought it wouldn’t work, but they got through it, and had a romantic first date, with suits and meals and flowers. They spoke about everything, from films, to falling in love, and by the end of the night they both knew for definite how they felt. It was a feeling that had only blossomed more and more each day since.
Callum grinned, looking down at Ben. He wrapped his arms further around him, their bodies well and truly connected.
“What’s that look for?” Ben asked.
Callum shook his head slightly, pulling himself out of a daydream. “I’m just remembering everything. The first time you told me you love me, and how nervous I was about being introduced to Lexi as your boyfriend. It’s weird, you know? So much has happened since then, but we still have this. Us .”
“And now you’re her dad.” Ben replied, heart fluttering even at the thought of it. They both nearly cried, the first time Lexi called Callum that.
“Yeah.” Callum chuckled, bright grin spread right across his face. “Never thought I would have a family. Not a proper one, anyway. But you’ve given me that.”
Ben leaned up, and caught Callum’s lips between his own. “I love you.” He admitted, not for the first time today. “So much.”
“I love you too.” Callum replied, resting his hand on Ben’s chest.
When they pulled back from the embrace, Ben looked down at his stomach, and suddenly felt uncomfortable with the mixture of dried come and sweat mingling on his body. “Better go and have a shower. Want a cuppa when I come back?”
“Hot chocolate?” Callum asked, raising an eyebrow.
Ben kneeled back, picking up Callum’s t-shirt that had long since been strewn across the room, dangling precariously off of the bed. He placed it over his body, knowing that it was long enough to cover most of him up – not that anyone cared – he was in the comfort of his own home, shared solely with his boyfriend. “How did I fall in love with you, after you spat coffee at me?”
Callum laughed, and picked up a pillow, throwing it at Ben. “Go and have a shower.”
“I’m going, I’m going!” He responded, throwing it back at Callum, who grabbed hold of it and cuddled it to his chest.
It was ten minutes later, when Ben walked back into the bedroom, towel wrapped around his waist, water dripping over his shoulders, two mugs in his hands, that Callum knew. He passed one to Callum, and then got back into bed, careful to not spill anything, and Callum felt this overwhelming need to just have this forever.
“Marry me.”
Ben’s head turned abruptly, and his careful attempts at not spilling his cup of tea on the bed were all in vain, because at the shock of Callum’s words, Ben managed to spill it everywhere. “You what? Are you serious?”
Callum blushed, but grinned nonetheless. “Yeah.”
Ben placed his mug down on the bedside table, cringing as he caught sight of the tea pooling at the bottom of it, knowing that it would form a stain on the woodwork.
“What do you say?” Callum asked, terrified that he’d just ruined everything, that Ben wouldn’t want to marry him.
“I say.” Ben started, rocking forward as he got ever closer to Callum’s lips, and when he was barely centimetres away, feeling Callum’s shaky breath staining his skin, he spoke again. “You can do better than that.”
Callum huffed as Ben pulled away, and flung the sheets that had been covering him off his legs, climbing out of bed without another word spoken.
“Callum don’t be in a huff, I was just kidding!” Ben moaned, watching as Callum walked around the perimeter of the bed, looking like he was going to walk out of the bedroom, until he turned at the last moment, and stood on Ben’s side of the bed.
He reached out, and grabbed Ben’s hands, pulling him up. “Stand up.” He commanded softly. “Come on.”
Ben did as he was told, rolling his eyes as he stood in front of Callum. The elder man took a deep breath, and then stepped back, giving himself some space, before he dropped down onto one knee, still holding Ben’s hands.
“I love you.” Callum said. “I love you so much, but I can’t put into words just how much that is. I always fancied ya, and I thought that nothing would ever come of it, because I wouldn’t be brave enough to ever come out, but the funny thing is – it was you who gave me the strength to come out. You changed my life, and I can’t thank you enough for that. You are amazing. You’ve given me a family, a home, stability, happiness. They aren’t something I experienced before I met you, but I want them for the rest of my life, and I want them with you. I want everything with you Ben. I want you to be my husband. I want to be able to talk about you to other people, and say ‘that’s my husband, how beautiful is he?’. So, please Ben, will you marry me?”
“Only you would get engaged wearing just boxers. They aren’t even yours.” Ben laughed.
Callum rolled his eyes, but smiled all the same. “Is that a yeah?”
Ben nodded his head, grinning wholeheartedly. “Course I’ll marry you. I want all that too.”
So that was it.
Everything that Ben and Callum had been through, all the turmoil and the anguish and the pain of their lives, all suddenly disappeared. It was worthless, because none of the bad moments could even outweigh how perfect this was. It was them, in love. Finally.