Chapter Text
Ivan Branginsky has kittens.
This was awful for numerous reasons but in order to fully grasp how awful this is; you need to understand Ivan.
Alfred wouldn’t call himself an expert on the Russian, but compared to everyone else in his apartment complex, he knew a fair amount. To put it simply, his neighbor across the hallway is a vampire. He doesn’t leave the house unless his sisters practically wrestle him out the door. Oh, and if he has company over, though that was rare. He only has one friend- the mean Chinese guy with the funny medicine. If those two weren’t together then you’d hardly see Ivan. Alfred theorized it was because the stick up his ass made it difficult for him to get around. Which explained why his friend was always carrying around a box of painkillers.
Other evidence that pointed towards Ivan’s more demonic roots, were the copious amounts of sweaters he has. It’s almost as if he’s allergic to the sun. Think of any color in the world and Alfred guarantees it’s in his closet. From bubblegum pinks to dark depressing greys, Alfred didn’t think he owned a single T-shirt. The Russian was lucky they complimented his figure. In Alfred’s attempt to find flaws in his neighbor he found that Ivan wasn’t hiding anything. There wasn’t a beer belly under all those layers, but rather a secret six-pack. Which was yet another reason Ivan was the worst person on the planet earth. With his devilishly handsome features and exotic eyes, he tricked everyone who came into contact with him.
Finally and worst of all, however, Ivan has kittens. The one thing Alfred could not possibly resist. Adorable, fluffy balls of cuteness. With their tiny feet and their little button noses, they steal the hearts of everyone who dares to even say the word. Especially people who own their older and crazier counterparts, cats. Basically people like Alfred. Once you get your heart stolen by a four-legged being escape is futile. He can’t go a day without spoiling his furry friend and just knowing there were tiny versions of him (from a cat that looked very much like him) out there, made Alfred’s heart flutter.
That’s why he’s standing in front of Ivan’s door at 3am, head to toe in black clothes he found at the bottom of his closet.
Now don’t get him wrong, he didn’t want to end up the victim of a potential Russian mafia member. So he promised himself this small break in would only be a five-minute venture. There was no reason for this to extend longer than it had to. Alfred would be in then out and Ivan would be none the wiser.
Maybe, if he sees the kittens are in danger, he’d stuff them in a bag and smuggle them over- but that’s only if they’re in danger! Or if they exceed expected cuteness levels…
Alfred let out a tiny ‘O’ of surprise as he turned the knob attached to Ivan’s front door, only to find it open.
He felt like he ran a race only two seconds before he walked into the tiny apartment, that’s how fast his heart was beating. Unfortunately, he’s had no experience waltzing into people’s houses so he felt pretty anxious. The only reason he came up with this crazy scheme is because he was sure that Ivan wouldn’t let him in willing. So he had to think of an alternative way to catch a glimpse of the kittens. This just so happened to be the best solution he could come up with.
All of the rooms were bathed in darkness which was both a blessing and a curse. It was only a blessing because what Alfred couldn’t see, which means Ivan couldn’t see either. However, it was also a curse because again, he can’t see a thing. He was blind enough as it is thanks to genetics, he really didn’t need light to impair him as well.
Alfred was stumbling around what he believed was the living room, trying his best not to knock into any of the furniture. He was doing pretty alright until his knee kissed the couch, successfully sending a jolt up his spine. Thanks to this, he basically froze like a deer standing in front of some headlights. He knew one more step and he might piss his pants. So Alfred stood stock still, making sure to blend in with his atmosphere as he tried to regain his thoughts as well as his footing.
In doing so he gave himself the chance to worry- for the first time the entire day, he fretted he was making a mistake.
Alfred probably shouldn’t be standing in his neighbors living room, in an outfit that loosely resembled Kim Possibles. Maybe he should’ve come up with an escape plan before he decided to barge right in. Or maybe he should’ve done a background check on Ivan’s criminal record! Something he also could’ve done was scope out the area to make sure there weren’t any security cameras! Or he could’ve just asked- but really, on what planet would Ivan let him in without killing him first?!
involuntary, he found his hand worming it’s the way towards his heart, trying to calm him down. He pressed his skin as hard as possible but he was unable to quell it. He was afraid standing around any longer without doing something, anything to calm it down would lead to his heart falling out. Thanks to the thousands if not millions of outcomes he suddenly felt like a rooster who found a fox in a hen house. Basically, Alfred recognized it was time to scram.
Before he could get kicked out of the apartment building as a whole, he spun around on the balls of his feet; determined to return to his house. That way Ivan could chalk it up to being a robbery that didn’t involve any robbing! And nobody got hurt.
The second he decided to move, Alfred heard a faint mew, it was soft- barely audible, but the room was deathly silent. So it rang as clear as a bell.
What happened next, was not Alfred’s fault, he was practically forced to change his mind.