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Ellie sighs heavily as she’s relieved from her watch shift earlier than planned. The cold temperature of Winter means that clouds of her breath forms in front of her.
She carefully walks down the long staircase of the west watchtower, mindful of the areas where the snow has begun to pile up on each step.
She makes a mental note to tell the resources crew about it so they could take of the hazard. The last thing they need was stair related injuries when there are more lethal things to be worried about.
The exit of the watchtower leads into the sparse area of Jackson that surrounds them. The logic is to reduce any collateral damage in case of an attack.
Ellie stretches so much that she bends backwards and sighs deeply in satisfaction. Watch duty is a far less strenuous task than patrol but staying in one location for hours on end takes a lot out of someone.
All complaining aside, if asked if she misses patrol and going beyond the walls of Jackson, her answer is a resounding no. She’s had enough action and adventure to last a lifetime.
Not that her missing fingers were any impediment. She’s still more than capable but she has other things to think about now. Notably JJ and Dina.
Just the thought of the two most important people in her world has her grinning to herself as she begins the walk home.
Life in Jackson is drastically different for her since her return from her ill-advised trip to California to hunt Abby’s ghost.
Life had been somewhat easy at the farmhouse, but grief consumed her more as each day went by. She could say that she didn’t particularly feel any desire to hunt Abby again, but the voices in her head and Tommy’s words had guilt bubbling inside her. She had to try.
It was all for nought, however, as when she made it past the rogue groups, guarded bases and mass of infected, it was too late. She’d arrived at the Santa Barbara beach to find the malnourished bodies of Abby and that boy hanging dead from their polls erected in the sand.
At that moment, everything she had sacrificed and lost for revenge washed over her like turbulent waves. She had walked to the ocean where two boats were docked and collapsed into the shallow water.
The weight of her loss and sacrifice held her back from returning for a long while. Instead, she had spent time focusing on herself and had taken the scenic route back up to Jackson.
Ellie shakes her head to reject the thoughts she knows has the potential to send her spiralling.
She turns the corner and walks past Seth’s bar, The Tipsy Bison, that signifies the start of the commercial district.
Coming onto the residential area, she slows as she reaches the road that would take her towards Joel’s place. Although a new family has been living in the house for a long while now, she always hesitates.
After a deep breath, she pushes on to the next adjacent road and grins once the large house at the end of the street comes into her vision.
She still feels weird about living in Dina’s childhood home but it’s the best setup for them.
Dina’s parents had moved into a smaller home built on a new plot of land in Jackson’s ever-expanding walls. They were insistent on giving them both a stable home with enough room to grow their family further.
She hops up the small number of stairs and takes the time to kick off chunks of mud and snow from the bottom of her boots on the doormat. The lights are on inside the house from what she can see through the windows but signs of Dina on the ground floor is missing.
Hopefully, her early return is a nice surprise for Dina as she’s not expecting Ellie for roughly another three hours.
She still has no idea what possessed Dina in taking her back when she showed up to her doorstep nine months ago, having spent just over a year and a half apart.
What a sight she must have been. By the time she had made it past the main gates and after accepting a dressing down from Maria, she was ready to collapse on the steps on Dina’s doorsteps.
Ellie can only thank every deity she knows for blessing her with a second chance with her family.
She pushes the door open, walks inside and is greeted by the lovely heat from the roaring fireplace in the main living area.
There’s no sign of Dina downstairs as she suspected but she can hear faint steps above her. She turns to the rack of hooks next to the door and removes her thick winter coat.
Ellie thinks a shower is in order and begins the walk to the staircase. Something out the corner of her eye in the part of the living room not visible at the front door grabs her attention. She pauses unbuttoning her flannel and walks closer.
“The hell?” Ellie whispers.
Resting on the sofa is a gorgeous, shiny acoustic guitar. Almost in a trance, she runs her fingers over the top’s finish in awe. It looks brand new or at least very well cared for.
She picks it up and sits down. It’s light in her hands when she turns and twists it at different angles. The body is solid wood – a deep brown, Rosewood she recognises with an eye-catching grain pattern.
She places it flat on her lap. The top is a lovely pale spruce and she notices that the fingerboard is also Rosewood.
What holds her attention is the stunning detail of the position markers on the fingerboard. The first guitar Joel gifted her had an intricate moth design on the third fret. It became one of the things she had loved most about it and missed after the farmhouse had been raided when she returned.
These markers are a thing of beauty. The third fret is marked by a hollow soaring bird. The fifth, seventh and ninth frets are marked by single feathers and the twelfth is marked with by another bird. Then the remaining markers are single feathers again progressively getting smaller.
It’s gorgeous. The most beautiful inanimate object she’s seen.
A wave of sadness rises in her when she eyes the missing fingers of her left hand.
She sighs and leans into the back of the sofa with the guitar still in her lap. She observes painfully that the guitar is strung for a left-handed player.
A creek in the doorway interrupts her spiralling thoughts and she looks up to find a worried Dina illuminated by the glow in the hallway.
“Hey,” Dina says apprehensively. “You’re back early,” she continues with false prep in her voice. She sounds nervous Ellie notes.
“Yeah. I got relieved sooner than planned.”
Dina nods looking at the floor and rubbing her hands.
Ellie motions to the guitar still in her lap, “What’s this?”
Dina huffs, “I believe that’s called a guitar.”
Ellie doesn’t take the bait and keeps her eyes locked onto Dina, “You know why I haven’t played recently. I love that you’re trying to help but you have to understand…”
“It’s mine!” Dina interjects loudly.
Ellie does a double-take, staring at Dina in disbelief with a gaping mouth.
Seconds pass in silence with Dina nervously playing with her fingers. Eventually, she can’t handle the tension and walks over to stand in front of Ellie.
Quietly, she sits next to Ellie, slanted towards her and moves the guitar into her lap with care.
“What?” Ellie finally gets out.
Dina closes her eyes and strums the open strings with her thumb. She takes a few breaths and looks Ellie in the eyes.
“When you left,” she starts and stops.
“When I moved back here, Tommy came to visit begging for forgiveness. Appalled at his behaviour and all. Damn near tried to kneel in front of me with his bad leg.”
Dina shakes her head, “I wanted nothing to do with him, but that man is persistent. I realised that both of us were treating you as though you were already dead. That was a road that I couldn’t go down no matter how disappointed and angry I was with you.”
Ellie rests her left hand on Dina’s thigh and strokes the denim-covered leg with her thumb slowly. “I’m so sorry.”
Dina raises her right hand, “Don’t. We’ve both apologised enough already.”
They take a moment to lean forward for a few soothing kisses.
They separate and Dina rests her right palm against Ellie’s cheek, “We decided to reconcile. Started spending time together, sometimes even with JJ and Maria. I learnt that he had kept Joel’s luthier tools and was continuing to make guitars.”
“He walked in on me messing around with one of his prototypes and offered to teach me. It stays at Tommy’s when I’m not practising which is why you’ve never seen it. I wasn’t expecting you back this early.”
Her hand moves down to press firmly over Ellie’s heart. “I wanted to feel closer to you,” she whispers and kisses Ellie again.
With that confession in her mind and Dina’s lips on hers, Ellie’s entire being feels warm. Partially in disbelief, she sinks into the love on offer.
After a few enjoyable moments, Ellie pulls away to press their foreheads together. “I love you.”
Dina bites her lip and smiles softly, “I love you too.”
Ellie chuckles, wipes under her eyes with the fleshy part of her palm and whispers, “Play me something?”
“Ellie!” Dina groans reluctantly and throws herself back into the sofa.
“Hey! You made me play for you remember?” Ellie defends.
A wry smile is sent her way from her girlfriend and Ellie softens as Dina reaches for a capo on the side table next to her.
“Hidden away in a pile of junk in Tommy’s basement was an ancient cd player he called it. I must have listened to every CD he had but there was this one song I couldn’t get out of my head. I begged him to teach me it even though it was way past my skill level. I practised it over and over until I’m sure the neighbours got sick of hearing it.”
Ellie nods and waits eagerly as Dina adjusts the guitar into the playing position, left-handed, and places the capo on the third fret.
“Don’t expect anything amazing okay? I’m still learning, so be gentle.”
Ellie motions in a zipper manner across her lips cheekily, “I won’t say a word.”
Dina sighs, “It made me think of you. And Joel and Jesse. I think it helped truly start the healing process for Tommy and me.”
Ellie recognises the change in Dina’s aura, “Okay.”
Dina’s fingers move into a C major chord and she starts and simple, slow strumming pattern.
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Dina’s not a singer that’s for certain but there’s something beautiful in the raw emotion of her voice. Her disclaimer is unneeded as the chord changes are smooth, a clear sign of hours on hours of practice.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
I will try to fix you
The lyrics are not lost on Ellie and she feels her throat tighten and eyes well up with memories.
High up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
I will try to fix you
The lyrics take a break for a simple but beautiful instrumental.
The light from the fireplace casts a soft glow over Dina as her strumming picks up in tempo. Her voice begins to crack in certain places, but she keeps her eyes locked on Ellie’s with no signs of embarrassment.
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I
Ellie thinks there’s no point trying to hide how hot tears escape from her eyes as Dina plays the song’s climax. She didn’t think there was a song on earth that could encapsulate the way she feels but here is her girlfriend singing it like a balm to her soul.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
The last note fills the air and leaves a haunting silence in its wake.
Dina sigh’s nervously but also in relief and places the guitar to rest on the outside of the sofa’s arm.
Ellie stares into the fire silently but accepts Dina cuddling into her side and resting her head on her shoulder. She feels naked. Stripped raw with wounds exposed to the winter air.
Dina uses her left hand to reach across and caress the soft skin of her belly underneath her tank top. The touch helps centre Ellie and she soon sinks back into Dina and cushions.
Ellie turns her head to look at Dina with eyes full of emotions she can’t express through words.
“You’re not left-handed?” Ellie questions quietly.
Dina nods in acknowledgement, “I know. I was thinking, it could be our guitar for a little bit. You could relearn to play.”
“When you’re ready,” she whispers breathily into Ellie’s neck.
The pair sits in a comfortable silence long enough for the flames to start to die out and the sky outside to darken further. Her throat constriction has eased but doesn’t seem like it’s going away anytime soon.
Eventually, grudgingly, Dina rises out of their embrace, “I need to go pick up JJ from my parents.”
Ellie stops her as she walks past with a hand on her elbow. She pulls Dina down into a lingering kiss and lets her go with a sigh. “Thank you.”
Dina kisses her forehead, “Of course.” She walks out into the hallway and gets her shoes and coat on.
Ellie listens out for the door and a few moments later, reaches over to the guitar and rests it on her lap again. With a slight effort, she forms a G chord with her right hand and the familiar notes fill the air when she strums with her left.
She grins, “Hello old friend.”