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Kei didn’t like this. He hated it. He watched his boyfriend take the bottle. It was a satisfying pop . Too bad the taste wasn't as satisfying. He hates swallowing pills. He used to avoid medication whenever his doctor prescribed them. He'd secretly thrown them in the trash when his mother wasn't looking. If it was in liquid form, he'd pour it over the sink and use bleach to wipe the scent off.
He winced as Tadashi threw it haphazardly into the back of his mouth. He forgets Tadashi doesn’t count it down. Kei is used to taking a long time to drink his own meds that he forgets not everyone is as cautious as he is. He watched Tadashi chug from his can of soda. It's been out for who knows how long, the flavor and carbonation was long gone. He made a mental note to buy a stash of sparkling water for him and hide it somewhere. The room was barren, save for a futon in a corner and a desk missing a leg. To make up for it, it was being held by a stack of old photo albums and books. Not exactly homely.
Kei only liked Tadashi's house when it was just the two of them. Most of the time, he snuck in through the window. He had his own bag of clothes and shampoo stashed away in the back of Tadashi's drawers. Kei's parents didn't know about Tadashi's living situation, but they didn't think much of it. Tadashi was able to sleep over whenever, so it was only fair Kei was able to do the same. If they knew about what the house was really like, he’d probably be banned from going anymore. Maybe Tadashi would be able to sleep over more. He might have been able to move in with them despite it being illegal. He didn’t care for that. He just wants him in his arms.
Tadashi swallowed hard. His throat felt uncomfortable. It clenched as the pills went down slowly. He should have drank water instead. Maybe the old soda wasn't the best idea but the water wasn't working today. He had nothing else besides glass bottles of beer and an expired orange juice from last month. He shuddered. The last time he drank something expired, it made him sick for a week. He didn't have the strongest stomach in the world, but he sure was able to swallow things he probably shouldn't.
That's not an innuendo. He meant he once drank a mixture of coffee and hot sauce Kei's cousin once made. The toddler called it a 'potion'. Tadashi called it an abomination to coffee. It was an insult. Who lets a toddler play around with hot sauce anyways?
He sighed. He closed the bottle and looked to his side. Kei was on the floor, spread out, tapping the wooden floors to a hidden beat. He smiled as he noticed Kei's harsh glaze on the bottle.
“Don’t look at it like it’s evil.”
“It is.”
“How?” Tadashi questioned, looking back at the bottle. The words Gabapentin echoed in his head. He didn't think he'd drink anything like it. It wasn't normally for anxiety but he took it regardless. If it helps, it helps.
“It hurts you.”
Tadashi set his pill bottle back on his desk. It’s orange tint taunted Kei. He wanted to take the bottle and crush it in his hands.
“I have to take them.” He sighed out. He looked towards the other pill bottles. Some full, some empty. Other words he wasn't too familiar with. Citalopram. Mirtazapine.
“I know.”
“They help.” He looked away from the bottles. The uncomfortable feeling of something stuck in his throat was bothering him. It was normal, he should have been used to it by now. Yet it still lingered like a vine constricting his airway. He needed to breathe before he started panicking again.
“I know.”
“So?”
“I just wish I can do something to help.” Kei’s voice was solemn.
Tadashi shifted over to join Kei. He didn’t have a good view of the window, but he was still able to look at the moon. It was a half moon tonight. He couldn’t see any constellations at this hour. He just wishes he could be outside on the grass, looking up at the stars. He wanted to find Corvus . That was his favorite constellation. He would always ask his mother what each constellation meant. Mythology isn’t his main interest. He actually disliked how messed up it was. Until he learned about the sad tale of the crow.
Corvus means crow in latin.
He learned that through google when he recited the tale to Kei.
“So what’s the deal with Corvus?” Kei already knew the story. He’s heard it as much as his boyfriend calls him ‘Tsukki’, yet he still wanted to hear it again. It’s an excuse to close his eyes and drift off to Tadashi’s voice. When he’s having a tough day, he’d ask Tadashi to talk to him about everything he learned that day. He didn’t care what Tadashi was talking about, he listened no matter what.
“He’s Apollo’s sacred bird.” Tadashi felt fingertips delicately hover his own. He opened his hand and let them weave together. Their hands instantly warmed up. He didn’t care if he was cold everywhere else, at least his hand was warm. Kei’s warmth made his heart flutter.
“It looks like a pot.” Kei sneered at the moon. A few more stars peaked out from the night sky’s curtain.
“You say about every constellation.” Tadashi sighed out a giggle. It was almost silent. Kei has good hearing. He cherished it and played it over and over it in his mind. He pocketed it and urged Tadashi to keep going.
“So?”
“So what?”
“Tell me about Corvus.” Kei whispered. His voice half tired, half wanting.
“Corvus was sent to watch over Coronis, one of Apollo’s lovers.”
“He had more than one?” Kei looked over to see the moonlight hit Tadashi’s face. Oh how beautiful the sight was. He could have sworn that Tadashi was an actual god sent from somewhere up there. He doesn’t know. He’s not religious. But if Tadashi was a religion, he’d be the first to join. His skin glowed, like how the ocean reflects the moon. His eyes absorbed the image, embedding it into his brain. He wanted these types of moments to last forever.
“Don’t all greek gods?”
“Fair enough.” Kei shifted closer to Tadashi.
“Well, this lover was pregnant. Coronis wasn’t really interested in Apollo and fell in love with a mortal man called Itchy.” Tadashi said sincerely.
“I’m sorry. What?” Kei exhaled a laugh. He switched over to lay on his side and dragged an arm over Tadashi’s chest to pull him closer. His chin rested on his boyfriend’s head. It was his favorite cuddling position. But they were on the hardwood floor. It was anything but romantic. They don’t care. As long as it was just them.
“Kei, you know all this already. Have you been paying attention from all the other times I tell this tale?” Tadashi faced Kei and planted a kiss on his neck. It was soft and slightly icky from the chapstick he wore. Kei loved it regardless.
“Kind of.” Kei let go of Tadashi’s hand and fully wrapped both arms around him. I should get him a mattress at least.
“This doesn’t seem comfortable for you. Are you okay?” Tadashi looked up to Kei.
“I’m with you. It’s fine.” Kei chastely kissed his boyfriend’s forehead before rubbing his cheek onto it.
“And they say I’m the cheesy one.” Tadashi planted a kiss to Kei’s cheek and cuddled Kei back. He sighed as he took a few moments to listen to Kei’s heartbeat. It wasn’t fast. It was a calming pace, harder than usual. He smiled into the taller one’s chest. He remembered it like it was yesterday when he first listened to his heart beating so fast he thought he might have burst. Now it’s more lovely and homely to sleep to. “As I was saying, Corvus reported back to Apollo. He became extremely raged for the bird not stopping the affair. So he threw a curse on him and scorched the crow’s feathers from white to black.”
“But he was just a bird.” Kei mumbled into Tadashi’s hair. “Why is this your favorite tale?” Kei asked. He always wanted to know. Tadashi loved this tale since he was a child, so it couldn’t be because Corvus was a crow. The school’s mascot had nothing to do with it. There must be some other reason. It was so sad. He couldn’t correlate the reasons until Tadashi mumbled beneath him.
“That’s why I like it. He was just a bird doing his job, yet he got blamed for something out of control.” Tadashi buried his head, his fingers scratched the back of Kei, digging into the thin shirt.
“Tasashi?” Kei felt his shirt soak.
“He was just a bird. It wasn’t his fault. It’s not my fault.” Tadashi warbled, trembling as his fingers trailed down Kei’s back.
So that’s why.
Kei used a hand to rub Tadashi’s back while the other cradled his head. He wanted to pull Tadashi closer. He wanted to take him away, take him home, a real home. A home where he feels loved and appreciated. A home he really deserves.
Kei shushed and continued to comfort him. He wanted to take all the pain away. He’d do anything to save him from this wretched place. He’d clean up all the stains and dried beer stains from the walls and floors. He’d put all the pictures into better frames and hang them. He’d take more photos of the two of them on dates. He’d put carpets in every room. Hell, he’ll adopt a cat or a dog. Or a bird. Any animal that makes Tadashi’s heart flutter from all the cuteness it provides.
If Kei could give Tadashi the world, he’d give him the universe.
If he wanted a cat, he’d give him 12.
“Sorry.” Tadashi used his sleeve to wipe the runny snot and tears running down his face. He felt gross. He was out of tissues again. He kept forgetting everytime he went to Shimada’s market, buying ‘necessities’. Kei would usually buy him the snacks, no matter how many times Tadashi scolded him. Kei always said he does it to spoil him, but Tadashi knows he does it because he wants him to save up for food whenever he doesn’t have anything to take to school.
“Don’t apologize. I’m here. It’s okay.” Kei kept whispering mushy love words. His arms were warm and welcoming, making it the most loveliest home Tadashi has ever had. Kei couldn’t care less about his shirt, sure it was his favorite but this was Tadashi. Tadashi is the first thing on his all time favorites list.
The house was dead quiet. It was broken down. Everyone in it was broken. Kei swore Tadashi was the only light in this place. He eyed the corner of the window. It had cracks in it. The shy stars earlier had shone brighter. It’s getting late.
“I’m here. It’s okay.” Kei breathed out a whisper. His back hurt a bit. He knows people will raise questions and probably assume things when they see it. He didn’t care what they thought. He just wants to be with Tadashi as close as possible.
“I know. I’m sorry.” Tadashi’s voice was quivering, losing all stability he strained to keep in his voice. He tried hard to seem okay. He really did. Kei always saw through him though. He could never hide anything from him. If soulmates were real, he’s positive they would be able to read each other’s thoughts. Kei didn’t believe in soulmates at first till Tadashi brought him a strawberry shortcake to school one birthday. He fell in love hard right then and there. He even took his hand and went down on a knee to propose. Tadashi blushes at the memory whenever Kei’s mother brings it up. It was her favorite childhood story, a good ‘ice breaker’ was her excuse.
“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Kei brushed his fingers through the other’s hair. It was getting a bit long. He loved the feeling of it run through every finger, savoring every strand as it tickles his fingertips. He’d take some and twirl it around his index finger.
Tadashi sniffled. He rubbed his palms over the scratches he made earlier. He felt guilty for destroying his boyfriend’s pale back. He didn’t mean to.
“I’ll wash your shirt.” He announced, trying to get up, but Kei’s grip tightened and snuggled him.
“M’no. Stay.” Kei’s hot breath brushed the hair that poked out from the top of his head.
Tadashi let out a giggle, “Okay.”
Kei’s mind wandered off between cuddling his boyfriend in their own apartment with all sorts of pets, to cuddling in bed at his house on a saturday evening. He hates going outside, except the garden his mom worked hard on for years. He loved the flowers she planted. Purple lilacs were Tadashi’s favorite.
Purple lilacs represent the beginning of love or a first love.
He didn’t like the idea of soulmates as a kid. Whenever he walked into the garden to practice volleyball, his face would twist with disgust. One day he brought Tadashi over and was surprised when Tadashi rambled on about flowers.
“Purple lilacs are my favorite. They remind me of you, Tsukki!”
He almost let the small confession skip over his head. Tadashi didn’t know he let the words slip out until Kei brought him a bouquet of homegrown flowers. He gave him a sunflower in a single pot.
“It means pure love and adoration. These are my favorite. cause they remind me of you, Tadashi.”
He hasn’t forgotten the euphonic sound Tadashi made. That’s how they confessed. It was through flowers. It was cliche. They were also 10.
Tadashi’s breathing was calm, it stuttered a bit before finally finding a good pace. Kei was on the brink of sleep until he heard the front door open.
“Fuck.” Tadashi gasped out as he reached for his door, locking it and stepping back. The footsteps tortured his poor mind. Kei laid still, too scared to breathe and be caught. The footsteps passed by the door. Tadashi tip-toed back to his spot and laid on top of Kei. His arms fully embracing him as he shuddered. Kei grabbed his cheeks and pulled him into a deep kiss.
He loves the feeling of Tadashi’s lips, velvety and plump. He always wore strawberry chapstick. It was a bit sticky but he didn’t mind. He loved it. Tadashi kissed back, letting their mouths move in tandem. They were a perfect fit. Kei pointed it out one day. They were 12 when they had their first kiss. Well to be fair they were actually younger but didn’t take it seriously since Tadashi did everything so casually, like holding hands and kissing Kei’s cheeks.
Tadashi pulled back. “I love you.” He nuzzled into Kei’s chest as his cheeks flushed a deep red. It still made him feel all mushy inside whenever he said it. Kei smiled fondly.
“I love you too.” He snuggled Tadashi back.
He stayed awake as Tadashi finally drifted off. The only light was from the moon in the middle of the window. He could have sworn he saw Corvus before the stars finally disappeared. The dark blues of the sky slowly turned purple and light blue. He sighed a relief. They got through another night. He didn’t sleep but he didn’t care, for today, he was Tadashi’s home. He’ll be tomorrow’s home. And every day after that.
“I love you so much. I promise we’ll get out of here together. So for now, just hold on.” He closed his eyes before the sky burned his eyes from its brightness. He wore a smile as he dreamed of the two of them, cuddling in a house on a Saturday evening.