Archive of Our Own

it is exactly 4:47 pm on an otherwise average thursday when jeongguk gets the first notification.

his current position is less than graceful; he's sprawled awkwardly across the giant, stained couch that takes up a solid third of his, taehyung, and jimin's living room. neither of them are home right now: jimin is at some outdoor yoga class that he attends weekly, and taehyung is still at class. jeongguk only has one class on thursdays, and while he could technically be doing homework right now, he is electing to ignore his responsibilities to scroll aimlessly through his phone.

his thumb swipes over the cracked screen as he peruses a tumblr post that is listing interesting facts about poison dart frogs. he's pretty sure most of them are fake, but he's memorizing them anyway so he can quote them to taehyung. he's midway through a bullet point claiming that poison dart frogs can shift colors to match their environment (which, what the fuck, that's definitely not true), when a notification pops up on the screen, covering up the post he's trying to read. he goes to swipe it away, but his eyes finally land on what it says, and he just - freezes.

soundcloud: new upload from agust d

"what the fuck," he hisses, tapping frantically on the notification. "what the fuck!" the screen finally loads, revealing a square, black and white image with the familiar silhouette of the rapper agust d in the center. he's turned to the side, his face hidden, and the letters D-2 are superimposed in glitchy text over the picture.

below the cover art are listings for new tracks.

ten new tracks.

jeongguk's eyes scan over them quickly, his mind not even processing the words. his brain is absolutely silent at the moment. he's been waiting for this for so long, and it's fucking 4:47 pm on a thursday, and his favorite rapper just dropped an entire new album after four years of silence.

"what the fuck," he murmurs again.

jeongguk first discovered agust d in his last year of high school, a year after agust's original mixtape was released. jeongguk had been going through a phase of searching obscure artists on soundcloud and letting the songs autoplay until he found something he actually liked. it mostly didn't work. soundcloud was a dark place. the best thing he'd found at the time was a semi-decent taeyeon cover, and it was the only thing the artist had posted.

stumbling across agust d was a stroke of good fortune. jeongguk still remembers the very first time he'd listened to the album, lying bored in his childhood bedroom. he was on the verge of falling asleep when the first strains of 'intro: Dt sugA' had pumped through his earbuds. he'd jerked instantly awake and listened to the album all the way through with wide eyes. it had felt a little bit like being punched in the throat.

agust d's songs were raw, almost desperate. some tracks were violent, angry, while others were heartbreakingly gentle. the lyrics swung from cocky to self-deprecating. there was an undercurrent of bitterness, of fear, running under each track. most importantly, it was honest. there was fury in it, towards others and towards the self, and there was longing, and there was fear, and there was confusion, and there was hope. the first tears had started midway through the last, and jeongguk hadn't even had the presence of mind to wipe them away until the album had finished. the rapper was undeniably talented. his rhythm, his breath control, it was all impeccable; but more than any of that, his lyrics made jeongguk feel seen. he couldn't relate to everything the artist wrote about, but it was all so human, so honest it bordered on uncomfortable.

after that first listen, jeongguk was hooked. he listened to the album countless times, looked up the lyrics to confirm what he was hearing. the more he read, the more he realized how genius it all was, clever wordplay and rhyme in every other sentence. he discovered grainy videos of agust's live performances, all dated from close to a year ago. apparently, the rapper hadn't released anything or performed in months.

there also wasn't much to find about him. jeongguk scoured the internet for something: a twitter, an instagram, a website, anything, with no luck. there was only one album, no other albums or singles. so jeongguk settled with following agust's soundcloud page, and searching for every video of his performances that jeongguk could find. even jeongguk's best friend taehyung was a little surprised at his obsession. jeongguk was a huge fan of g-dragon, and like, he would probably die for iu, but he didn't usually obsess like this. especially not with underground artists, even if they had a decent following like agust did.

jeongguk was only 18 at the time, midway through his last year of high school, and he was. well. he was definitely straight. he wasn't homophobic, taehyung was gay and jeongguk had no problem with it, it just...wasn't him. he liked girls, he'd had an array of girlfriends throughout high school and had genuinely liked them, even though their relationships never seemed to work out.

however, a month into his newfound obsession, he began to realize that his feelings for the artist felt uncomfortably close to a crush. felt a little bit like the first time he'd seen park shin-hye in a drama and had subsequently binged her entire filmography while plastering his room with posters of her.

the first time the thought entered his mind, he shoved it out of his mind immediately. listened to only female artists for the rest of the week like it proved anything. again, it's not that he was homophobic, he'd just never considered the possibility that he was anything but straight. he liked girls, he knew that for sure, and anything else would just make things more complicated than he wanted to deal with. he didn't think his parents were hateful or anything, but they were definitely traditional, and so were the kids at his school. besides, he was happy with how things were now: casual relationships with the girls in his school, but nothing too serious. he wasn't sure if a relationship with a boy could ever be casual to him; it was too different. it came with too much judgment from society to ever feel easy or simple.

so he shoved his feelings down and firmly ignored them.

still, he went back to listening to agust d and watching his videos. it felt almost illicit now, the idea of having a crush on a man echoing in the back of his head every time he watched a performance, usually with his earbuds in and curled over his phone. he only watched them in his bed at night now, feeling like anyone who caught him would be able to know. feeling like they'd be able to see it in his eyes, in the way his hands curled around his phone screen.

it had been three months since jeongguk's fateful first listen. he was absently scrolling through his youtube recommendations when a certain thumbnail jumped out at him: an actual high-quality video of agust performing his self-titled track at some bar in seoul. jeongguk tapped on it, letting the video play quietly through his headphones. the crowd was loud and drunk and wild with excitement. the video was crisp, clean, the hand holding it steady.

for the first time, jeongguk could see the details of the rapper's face: his sharp, intense eyes, his round nose, the soft and almost cute corners of his mouth. jeongguk's eyes skipped from the man's hands (pale, big, his fingers almost delicate as they wrapped around the mic) to his face. and then - on the screen, agust pulled back from the mic, a wicked smirk on his face, and ran his tongue over his lips, poking it at the corner of his mouth for a long moment before starting the next verse.

jeongguk was alarmed to feel a hot flush of arousal run through his body involuntarily. on screen, agust continued into the chorus of his song, and jeongguk was abruptly aware of exactly what those lyrics meant. all at once he felt too hot. he closed the video quickly and shut off his phone, chucking it across the room. it landed with a thump on the ground, and jeongguk just. sat there. breathing a little too fast, guilt sitting a little too heavy in the pit of his stomach.

it only progressed from there. it was like that one moment had unlocked something in jeongguk's brain that he had been suppressing for years. he started having realizations: yes, he thought g-dragon's long hair and leather pants were kind of hot. no, he hadn't just idolized the older boy who had lived next door when jeongguk was 13 and who had frequently mowed the lawn shirtless.

and - other boys at his school started to catch his eye as well. he thought they were attractive, sure, he could recognize that objectively, but there were also some (like yugyeom, a boy in his year who was kind and friendly and always smiled wide whenever he saw jeongguk) that jeongguk thought he could maybe have a crush on. like maybe jeongguk wouldn't be opposed to holding his hand, kissing him, maybe going on dates.

that was somehow infinitely scarier than any sexual attraction.

jeongguk spent a few weeks halfway to panicking. he took to avoiding yugyeom, avoiding taehyung (because taehyung was gay, so maybe he could tell?), avoiding his parents. then he just avoided everyone. he wanted to talk to someone, anyone, but every time he thought about saying the words "i like men" out loud, it just sent nausea flooding through his stomach.

still. he had to know. jeongguk had never been one for ignoring truths about himself. he wanted to have a clear view of who he was, and if he didn't like what he found, he would fix it. if he was going to do something about this, accept it or change it or whatever, he had to know.

so one night, well past midnight when he was sure his household was deep asleep, he pulled out his phone and headphones. pulled up that same video. he watched the whole thing, guilt crawling up his stomach and closing off his throat. then he experimentally tried jerking off thinking about that video. (agust d was still a man, but he was as close to safe to think about as a man could get. just the thought of thinking about someone from his school in that way made jeongguk panic.)

and - he'd come embarrassingly fast, and then cried into his pillow for a long while.

then he'd called taehyung.

taehyung had barely gotten out a groggy "hello?" before jeongguk had sobbed into the phone, "taehyung, i think-i think i might be bisexual."

"oh," taehyung had responded. "oh, that's, uh-that's cool. i'm happy you told me."

"you're not mad?" jeongguk had asked, still crying.

"i. i'm gay, jeongguk. why the fuck would i be mad?"

"i don't know, i guess i thought - maybe being gay was your thing and you would be upset?"

taehyung's voice was gentle when he responded. "well, that doesn't make any sense at all," he said softly, and then added, "do you want me to come over?"

"yeah. please."

that had been three years ago. jeongguk was significantly more confident in his sexuality now. he'd come out officially to his family when he'd left for college, which had been a shitshow for a few months until his parents were certain that he wasn't about to recind the announcement. he'd had a string of boyfriends as well as girlfriends throughout his university years. he was still a fan of agust d, too, still adored his music. it had been agust d (and iu) that had inspired him to study vocal performance, and now he was a year away from graduating and had an internship with a prominent entertainment company lined up for the summer.

so yeah, agust d had been the start of a lot of things for him. jeongguk had listened to his music less and less over the years, eventually moving on to new artists, but that album still held a special place in his heart. and now there was a new fucking album.

jeongguk is going to lose his mind.

he quickly takes a screenshot of the album page and sends it to his group chat with taehyung and jimin, along with a simple WHAT THE FUCK. he still doesn't feel prepared to listen to the new tracks; instead he stands up and shoves his phone in his pocket, makes himself some tea, changes to his sweatpants because he's been wearing jeans all day and the denim is starting to grate on his nerves, sits down on the couch, moves to his bedroom.

he doesn't know why he feels almost nervous to listen to the mixtape. he's just wanted new music from agust d for so long that now that it's here, he doesn't feel prepared. he feels like this should be some grand, momentous moment, but instead it's just...

5:07 pm, now, on a thursday afternoon.

well, no time like the present, he thinks, and finally settles in to listen. he's almost copying his position from all those years ago: lying on his back in his bed, earbuds in, hands pillowing his head. this time, however, he's not on the verge of falling asleep. he's tense, alight with nerves and excitement. this time he's lying in his room in the apartment he shares with his closest friends, not in his childhood home. so many things have changed.

agust d has changed, too. his music feels the same as it did four years ago: still raw, still honest. the rapper's skill has only grown with time, though. altogether, the new songs feel more mature; less bitter and more reflective. of course, there are the tracks that hum with fury, just like in the first album. however, the other songs are calmer. agust raps about losing track of your dreams, about the simple pleasure of just living, about the emptiness that comes at the end of a long day.

of course, jeongguk starts crying by the time 'honsool' starts. this, too, is familiar. it's just been so long and he's remembering all over again why he fell in love with this music. there is something indescribably comforting about hearing these things he's felt so strongly put in the words of someone else; someone who is brave enough to voice them, to put them to music and let the rest of the world listen to them.

jeongguk wipes his tears away after the album ends, pauses the music as it automatically loops. takes a moment to just sit and breathe, his brain still whirling. he already can't wait to listen to the album again, now that the first listen is over and he can process enough to focus on each track. at some point during his listen, taehyung had texted him back (jimin had not, probably too busy contorting himself into painful yoga stretches to impress the hot dancer boy who ran the class, the traitor.)

[taehyung]

oh my fucking god

jeongguk be honest how hard are you losing your mind over this

ok you're probably listening to it try not to die

can't believe i'm going to go through a repeat of the Great Agust D Breakdown of 2016

jeongguk snorts out loud.

[jeongguk]

first of all: shut up, i am no longer 18, i can be calm about this

second of all: have you listened to it yet HOLY FUCK

[taehyung]

you don't seem particularly calm i won't lie

what if he starts performing again?

(and no i have not because i am in class and i don't think professor lee would appreciate me blasting rap in the middle of his class)

(we can listen together when i get home)

[jeongguk]

performing?? fuck oh my god

do you think he'll perform again??

[taehyung]

'calm' my ass

he might [eyes emoji] and you're in seoul now [eyes emoji]

[jeongguk]

OH MY GOD

[taehyung]

lmao

by the time taehyung and jimin arrive home (taehyung: shoulders drooping under his heavy backpack, eyes tired. jimin: sweaty, hair hanging limp in his eyes, flushed but not entirely from the exercise, a pleasant happy glow around him) jeongguk is midway through his third listen of the album. taehyung drops his backpack in the doorway and wanders over to tug the earbuds out of jeongguk's ears before collapsing unceremoniously against jeongguk's side.

jeongguk makes a halfhearted noise of protest but loops his arm around taehyung's shoulders as jimin comes to join them, collapsing on the floor next to the couch. "tough class?" jeongguk asks, and taehyung responds with a strangled groan that jeongguk takes as an affirmative. he laughs and rubs a soothing hand against taehyung's neck.

taehyung stretches and hums contentedly under the touch. "alright," he says after a moment. "play it for me!" jeongguk grins, the buzz of excitement returning now that there's someone here to experience it with him. he unplugs his earbuds, turns his phone volume up to max, and hits play on 'moonlight.'

.

the second notification comes at an equally insignificant time, but is no less world-shaking. it is now 2:48 pm, on a tuesday, five days after the mixtape release. jeongguk isn't at home this time. instead, he's in class, a music analysis class that would be interesting on a day where he wasn't running on four and a half hours of sleep with only a cup of coffee sitting acidic in his stomach.

he's already distracted from the lecture, which is why he checks his phone so quickly when it buzzes in the pocket of his bomber jacket. the notification is a text from taehyung. all he can tell from his lockscreen is that taehyung's sent a picture, which he opens curiously. (he's expecting it to be poison dart frogs. taehyung hasn't sent him anything else since last sunday, when jeongguk had recited all of the fake poison dart frog facts to him.)

it is not poison dart frogs.

what it is is a screenshot of the website for a popular bar in downtown seoul. specifically, a screenshot of their events page.

jeongguk stops breathing for a second. there, at the very end of the list of performers for this saturday, is the name 'agust d' in bold letters (preceded by RM, which, holy shit times two.) jeongguk almost absentmindedly sends back a keysmash, eyes still trained on the image.

[taehyung]

lol so i take that to mean we're going?

[jeongguk]

OBVIOUSLY, are you kidding me? tell jimin he's lost his spot as no. 1 friend, i owe you my life now

oh my fucking god rm is going to be there too !!

[taehyung]

CONSIDER: threesome?

[jeongguk]

i take it back, tell jimin he has his spot again

[taehyung]

jeongguk, look me in the eyes and tell me honestly that you've never thought about it

[jeongguk]

this is a text conversation, hyung

[taehyung]

HAHA I FUCKING KNEW IT

.

taehyung and jimin's gentle ribbing has come to a head now that the day of the show is here. jeongguk's been restless with nerves all day, bouncing his leg through every one of his classes and garnering glares from those sitting near him. he feels bad, he really does, but he physically can't seem to hold himself still. the hours drag on painfully; he feels like screaming every time he glances at his phone just to see that only a few minutes have passed. he just wants to go already, but also.... every time he thinks about actually doing it: walking into the bar and seeing agust motherfucking d performing, his stomach twists with anxiety. he doesn't even know why he's such a mess over this.

luckily, time continues moving. he makes it out of his last class, and throws general societal expectations to the wind as he sprints back to the apartment, hoping the run will burn off some of the nervous energy building in his stomach. it works, partly. he makes it back to the apartment panting, his hair damp with sweat, and stumbles in the door. he drops his backpack (well, sets it down carefully, because his laptop is in there and he really does not have the money to replace it) and collapses on the floor by the couch, hands pressed against the stitch in his side.

"are the cops after you?" jimin asks, glancing up from the textbook open in his lap.

"the gay thoughts are after him," taehyung says from where he sits, his back resting against jimin's shoulder.

"shut up," jeongguk wheezes, but any threat in his words is long gone by the time they make it out of his protesting lungs.

jimin frowns down at him. "you better shower before we go," he says, pointing a threatening finger at jeongguk. "i am going to make you look hot, and i need a clean canvas to work with." jeongguk blinks. "i always look hot," he says. then, "why are you trying to make me look hot?" jimin scoffs. "of course you always look hot. but you look hot in like, a 'disheveled college student who hasn't slept in eight days' way. i'm going to make you look hot in like, a 'i regularly go to rap shows, am super bisexual, and am very into rappers who are highkey twinks' way."

jeongguk presses his hands to his face and groans. "how are you even supposed to express that?" he asks, muffled. jimin laughs. "well, i'm sure your general demeanor will take care of the 'bisexual and into twink rappers' part. i can handle the rest."

"this is bullying." jeongguk drops his hands and looks up at taehyung and jimin. "this is bullying, you know. i could sue you for libel."

"i'm pretty sure spoken acts of defamation of character are slander, actually," taehyung interjects without looking up from his tablet. his glasses are sliding down his nose. jeongguk resists the urge to pull them off and hold them over his head like a middle-schooler. he settles for sticking his tongue out at taehyung, which is clearly the more mature response.

"go! shower!" jimin snaps, and jeongguk sighs heavily as he heaves himself to his feet and heads toward the bathroom.

.

jeongguk showers. he uses up all the hot water, which he tells himself is an act of revenge for jimin and taehyung's teasing, but in actuality is mostly because he's nervous and likes the comfort of hot showers. when he finally steps out out, a towel wrapped around his waist, he stops in front of the bathroom mirror to give himself a firm pep talk. he wipes the condensation from the glass and meets his reflection's eyes firmly.

"you've got this, jeon jeongguk," he says. "there is no reason to be nervous."

his reflection stares back. there is anxiety etched plainly into his features. he abandons the pep talk, instead making his way to his room, where jimin and taehyung are already waiting, sorting through his closet. jimin waves in greeting, tossing him a pair of black boxers, which jeongguk catches and pulls on. the casual nudity doesn't bother him anymore; they've all been living together for a long time. he's walked in on jimin and taehyung in various states of undress more times than he can count, and vice versa. jeongguk flops on his bed, his still-damp hair dripping water onto his pillowcase, and resigns himself to the makeover.

it takes a good twenty minutes before jimin and taehyung decide on an outfit. standing in front of taehyung's full-length mirror, jeongguk has to admit they've done well. they've dressed him in his tightest black jeans, the ones that are ripped in the knees and almost scandalously high up the thighs. there's a chain dangling from his belt loops and a patterned button-up shirt tucked into his jeans. jeongguk reaches to close one of the buttons (it's unbuttoned quite far), but jimin swats his hand away. paired with his favorite (and most expensive) combat boots and ears full of silver and black jewelry...okay, yes, he looks pretty hot. maybe not 'i regularly go to rap shows' hot, but definitely 'feminine vaguely goth boy' hot. jeongguk approves.

jimin adds the finishing touches: concealer dabbed over the bags under his eyes (not fully covering them, because jeongguk is still definitely a college student running on a sleep deficit at all times and no concealer can hide that,) and smoky, shimmery eyeshadow at the corners of his eyes. by the time they've finished fussing over him, jeongguk barely has time to grab a bite to eat and brush his teeth before jimin and taehyung are hurrying him out the door and into the brisk, foggy air of seoul in autumn.

they make it to the bar with a few minutes to spare, and spend the extra time huddled around a tiny table with a few shots of soju, talking and laughing. jimin is in the middle of updating them on how 'project: seduce hot yoga instructor' is going (quite well, apparently, as jimin has been invited to come early to the next class for 'special instruction') when the first performer steps onto the stage. jeongguk's nerves, having abated for a time due to the alcohol and easy conversation, return in full force. it's time.

at this point in his life, jeongguk has seen countless videos of agust d's performances. in video, he finds himself unable to tear his eyes away from the figure. agust d has a palpable presence, even with the barrier of a screen. he commands attention even as he stands on stage in between songs, lights off, not even rapping. jeongguk still can't bring himself to look away from the shadowy lines of his figure.

if that is true in video, it is multiplied infinitely in person. jeongguk is already a little tired and sweaty from the other artists who had performed before agust (including RM, who had delivered a fantastic set), but his skin is still buzzing with excitement as the lights go dark. the crowd stills, anticipation thick in the air. the other performers were good, but everyone knows this is the main attraction. it's agust's first show in four years, since he made waves in seoul's underground scene with his first mixtape, performed a handful of times, and subsequently disappeared. until now. until his new mixtape. until this show. it's the very first time anyone will see him perform his new songs. jeongguk feels like he's about to vibrate out of his skin.

and then - a deep note plays. a hit to a gong. the sound echoes on and on, slowly morphing into the familiar notes of 'daechwita.' a single spotlight illuminates on the stage, and-

he steps out into the light.

jeongguk's breath catches in his throat.

agust d is every bit as captivating in person as he is in video. he's shorter than jeongguk was expecting - probably shorter than jeongguk, period. still. he has an energy to him, before he's even opened his mouth, that makes it feel like he's towering over the crowd. and he's-he's fucking hot. jeongguk knew this, obviously. there was the whole 'bi awakening' thing in high school. still, seeing it in person, up close, feels like a slap to the face.

he has black hair now, unlike the blond that he sported four years ago. it's inky and parted in the middle of his forehead, falling haphazard across his face. he's wearing a paint-splattered, army green coat, the sleeves pushed up to expose his forearms. there's silver everywhere: a silver watch glittering on his wrist, thick silver rings on his long fingers, silver hoops in his ears, a mess of silver chains around his neck. he has a silver mic clutched in one hand. his face is sharp in the harsh spotlight, his eyes dark and intense as he surveys the crowd.

and - the scar. jeongguk feels his heart skip a beat when he sees the red scar over agust's right eye. a new addition to his performances. it's makeup, of course, but. god. it runs red and angry down his eyebrow, over his eyelid, trails down to the top of his cheekbone. it sharpens his features even more, makes his gaze darker, more intimidating. jeongguk swallows. can't look away.

and then agust d lifts his mic to his mouth and begins to rap.

seeing him live is absolutely mesmerizing. he's wild, frenetic on the stage. he moves to the beat of his song, one hand wrapped around the mic, the other gesturing frantically in front of him. his voice is deep, raspy, slipping into a lisp during certain verses. he's loud, voice filling up every part of the room; the noise only lends to the rawness of the music. he spits the lyrics, fire in his eyes and his voice. before jeongguk has time to fully absorb the picture before him, the song is halfway over.

for a moment, the music just stops. jeongguk blinks, confused, glances around. the lights go dark for a long moment, before lighting up again. they illuminate agust's figure on stage, his back turned to the crowd. his mic is slipped into one pocket of his coat, and jeongguk watches as he pulls a scrap of fabric out of the other. he lifts it to his face, covers his eyes and knots it behind his head. the lights go dark once more, and when they come back on, agust is facing the crowd, blindfolded.

jeongguk swallows. he's feeling some sort of conflagration of emotions he's never felt before; intimidation, awe, a deep undercurrent of arousal that's strong enough to verge on embarrassing.

the music starts again. agust stands, blindfolded, swaying slightly on the stage but otherwise still. the next verse is an interlude from the frantic energy of the rest of the song. his voice is low, smooth. almost quiet. jeongguk is hanging onto every word, obsessed with the way the syllables spill from agust's mouth.

the verse ends, and agust rips the blindfold off, letting it drop carelessly to the stage. his eyes are alight as he finishes out the song. jeongguk can only stare. he's not sure he's breathing anymore. then the music fades, and in that quiet period between songs, the lights still on, agust breathing heavily-their eyes lock. agust is staring directly at him, that fucking scar still slashed red across his eye. jeongguk panics, looks away, drops his gaze to the floor like there's anything to look at other than crumbs and dirty footprints. when he looks back up, the music has started for the next song, and the moment is gone. jeongguk feels shaken, feels a bit like he was just kicked in the chest.

the set is fucking fantastic. of course it is. agust performs a mix of old and new songs, the flow between them carefully crafted to turn the mood from anger to contemplation. the performance is flawless throughout. there's never a dull moment, never a moment in which jeongguk's eyes aren't glued to agust's every move. he's buzzing with energy by the time the show finishes, half the crowd dispersing and half going back to their drinks once the music ends.

"hyung," jeongguk says as soon as he's recovered from the daze he's been in for the past thirty-five minutes or so. even he's not sure whether he's talking to taehyung or jimin. in any case, taehyung is the one who responds, grinning broadly at jeongguk. "jeonggukkie," he says, his voice filled with awe. "holy shit, jeongguk-ah, that was amazing!" his smile is infectious, and jeongguk feels a smile breaking over his own face. "i know," he says, going boneless in his chair as the anxiety and excitement permeating his body finally drains away. "god, that was so cool," he says. jimin is watching his and taehyung's quiet freak-out with an amused smile.

"that was pretty badass," jimin says. "i see why you fell in love with him in high school." jeongguk can't even rally his wit to retort, head still spinning. he keeps replaying the performance in his head, all the little moments that have engraved themselves into his memory: agust with his back to the crowd, deft fingers knotting a blindfold. agust running a hand through his hair while rapping, his voice low and haunting. the fury spilling through every syllable in the first few songs, the quiet and almost careless questioning of the last few. the pretty, haunting notes of 'set me free' fading away as he finished the set.

and, of course, those few seconds between the first two songs, when they had made eye contact. normally, jeongguk would dismiss the moment as a product of his nerves and admiration for the artist, but, no; he's certain that it had happened. he spends a long minute trying to dissect the expression that had been on agust's face just before jeongguk had looked away. no matter how hard he tries, he can't figure out what emotion had been written there, and it frustrates him to no end.

"tae-hyung, jimin-hyung, did you-" he starts, and then falters.

jimin and taehyung wait. "ah, nevermind," jeongguk finishes, shaking his head. he had almost asked if they'd noticed what had happened, but he doesn't want to be teased about it. he just wants to hold the moment close to his chest, continue picking at it later when he has nothing else to think about, wondering what the look had meant. "you okay, jeongguk-ah?" jimin asks. jeongguk nods. "i'm fine, hyung," he says, smiling to assuage jimin's worries. "just trying to process what just happened." jimin laughs and lets it go. "alright, while you're trying to process, why don't you go get us some more drinks?" he says.

"alright, alright." jeongguk makes his way over to the bar, leaning his hip against the counter while he waits for the bartender to finish up with the others already ordering. he eventually just takes a seat, resting his head against his palm. he's fully zoned out, which is why he doesn't notice the presence approaching him until it speaks:

"uh, hello?"

jeongguk startles violently at the voice. it's deep and raspy and all too familiar. jeongguk looks up, eyes wide, trying to pretend he hadn't just nearly fallen off his stool. he regrets looking up as soon as he does it, because looking up means he is confronted with the surreal sight of agust d standing in front of him, still dressed in his stage outfit, still with that scar drawn over his eye. he looks oddly shy, with his hands shoved into the pockets of his big coat and his shoulders stiff and ever so slightly hunched. jeongguk blinks. "um," he starts, but isn't sure where to end that sentence, because...

because of obvious reasons. what the fuck. over agust d's shoulder, jeongguk can see taehyung and jimin, who have noticed the situation. instead of doing anything helpful, like coming to jeongguk's rescue, they are making lewd gestures at jeongguk from their table. fucking traitors.

"hi?" jeongguk finishes. he thinks this might be a dream. he's pretty sure he's had this dream before, actually.

"i, uh, i saw you during the show," agust says. "i thought-" he cuts off rather abruptly, letting out a frustrated sigh and running his hand through his hair. jeongguk's mouth goes dry. "let me start over. i'm, uh, agust d. but my name is yoongi. i saw you during the show. i was wondering if you'd let me buy you a drink?"

.

jeongguk is...still panicking a little, but less so than he was an hour ago when agust d-sorry, when yoongi had first approached him. he had immediately given up any idea of returning to taehyung and jimin (although he's sure they'll understand.) the first few minutes were excruciatingly awkward; for all that his lyrics and stage-confidence would suggest, yoongi was surprisingly bad at small talk. not that jeongguk could judge. he was equally awful. jeongguk had almost been desperate enough to start discussing the rainstorm supposedly coming late that night, when he had finally blurted, "you were amazing. on stage, i mean." blushing hopelessly, he had added, "i'm so glad you performed '28.' it's my favorite off the album."

yoongi's eyes had lit up, and then they'd been off. they had talked about yoongi's new album, and his old album, and then other music: eyedi's new single and iu's 'palette' album and epik high's entire discography. at one point, jeongguk had shyly mentioned that he was a huge fan of rm as well, and yoongi had revealed that he and rm had been friends for years, and...well. jeongguk had some thoughts on 'mono,' and yoongi seemed happy to let him ramble nervously.

"that's why that line is my favorite-" jeongguk stops. "ah, i'm sorry. i'm talking too much." yoongi shoots him a fond look. "you're fine," he says. "i like hearing you talk." jeongguk looks down at the table, face flushing. "i wouldn't have expected you to say things like that, yoongi-ssi," he murmurs. yoongi laughs quietly. "i'm full of surprises," he rejoins. "and please, call me hyung." jeongguk nods. "i-i expected you to be more...i don't know. cocky, i guess?" he almost says more confident but that feels a little too insulting, even if he doesn't mean it that way. "are you disappointed?" yoongi asks, knotting his fingers together on the bar.

jeongguk shakes his head. "relieved, actually," he says with a laugh. "you're so intimidating on stage, hyung. i would never be able to talk to you if you were always like that." yoongi grins. "you're rather intimidating yourself," he says. jeongguk can't help the surprised snort that forces itself out of his throat. "me?" he asks incredulously. yoongi nods. "seriously!" he says. "you're, uh. tall."

"i'm....tall."

yoongi coughs. his face is suspiciously red. "you're all, like, muscular. and, um. attractive." jeongguk blinks. oh. he had wondered, when yoongi had decided to approach him, but he hadn't let himself think that that was the reason why yoongi had come over. he can feel his ego growing as the seconds pass. "hyung," he says, tone fake-scandalized. "did you come over here with impure intentions?"

"no! i-" yoongi buries his face in his hands. jeongguk bursts into giggles. "i don't mind if you did," he reassures. yoongi looks up, wide-eyed. "...cool," he says. "i wasn't going to talk to you, fuck, you might've been straight for all i know, but namjoon convinced me that i should." jeongguk tilts his head questioningly. "namjoon? like...rm namjoon?" yoongi nods. "the very same. we go way back. we were friends before i even got into the scene." he laughs. "met in high school, actually. he has some terrible pictures of seventeen year old me." jeongguk perks up, interested. "oh, really? maybe you should introduce us. i'd love to see the famous rapper agust d in his high school years," he says. yoongi shakes his head vehemently. "absolutely not, lord. he enjoys embarassing me way too much. i can't have my image ruined." jeongguk snickered. "your image was ruined the moment you came over here stuttering and blushing, hyung."

"hey! you're being awfully rude to the 'famous rapper agust d.'"

jeongguk winks. "you like it," he says, and is gratified when yoongi's face goes red again. "so, what have you been doing since you dropped your first mixtape?" he says, changing the subject. yoongi huffs out a breath, settling more firmly into his chair. he keeps playing with the stem of his glass, and jeongguk finds it immensely distracting. "ah, i never really left the music scene. i just haven't been making my own stuff. i've been producing for some other artists, though." jeongguk blinks. "wait, you have? wait, you've been making music all this time?"

"yeah, but under the name suga," yoongi says, looking confused at jeongguk's reaction. jeongguk groans, dropping his head to his arms. "oh my god. i thought you just stopped making music. i could've been listening to your new stuff this whole time." yoongi laughs. "i thought it was pretty obvious, though," he says. "you know? 'intro: Dt sugA?' i didn't say anything about it, but i thought if people wanted to hear more of my stuff, they'd figure it out pretty quickly."

"i'm so stupid," jeongguk says feelingly. yoongi tries to keep his face straight, but ends up laughing anyway. "you're not stupid, jeongguk. i probably shouldn't have just assumed that people would understand." jeongguk looks up. "so who have you been producing for, anyways?" yoongi hums. "i did some work with suran, heize, lee sora..."

"oh my god. you worked with heize?"

yoongi nods.

"i love heize. i can't believe i missed it."

yoongi shifts in his seat, pressing his fingertips harder into the countertop. "well," he says. "if you wanted, you could come over to my place to listen to it? i have great speakers." jeongguk looks up, but yoongi is staring firmly at his feet. "oh! i would...i would really like that," jeongguk says after a moment. "i should just, um, let my friends know i'm leaving."

"oh, yeah, of course. i have to grab my stuff from backstage, too, and i should tell namjoon i'm heading out." jeongguk grins at yoongi. "alright, then. see you in a bit." yoongi gives an awkward little wave and hurries away.

.

yoongi is panicking, and by god he is going to make it kim namjoon's problem. "namjoon-ah," he hisses as he rounds the stage, entering the tiny backstage area where his backpack is currently sitting. namjoon is leaning against the wall, one knee propped up, foot resting against the brick. he looks far too cool for such a stereotypical pose. yoongi takes a second to glower at him out of pure jealousy; did god play favorites? is that it? did yoongi not deserve to be tall and tanned and ridiculously attractive and smart and confident and have goddamn dimples?

namjoon looks up, rudely cutting off yoongi's spiraling internal monologue, and his entire face brightens. "hey, hyung!" he tucks his phone into his pocket and holds his hand out for a high-five. yoongi returns it reluctantly. "you talked to the hot boy! how'd it go?" namjoon asks. yoongi plunks his head down into his hands and lets out a strangled groan. "wow, that bad, huh?"

"no," yoongi whines. "no, he's fucking perfect, namjoon-ah, that's the problem."

"care to elaborate on that?" namjoon asks, barely contained laughter slipping into his tone.

"thighs," yoongi manages. namjoon hums and nods. "he. he's so pretty namjoon, like his body is perfect and his face is unreal, but he's also cute? and friendly?"

"are you asking me?"

"no, god! he's cute and friendly and we talked about music for so long and he complimented my album and he's funny and i...invited him back to my place?" despite yoongi's best efforts, the sentence trails off into a question.

"aw, hyung, he sounds perfect," namjoon says, patting yoongi's shoulders. "good going. look at you, i told you being a mysterious underground rapper would get you laid someday." yoongi scowls at him. "don't look at me like that! what are you doing back here panicking to me, then?"

"had to get my stuff," yoongi says, gesturing at his backpack, which namjoon promptly grabs and hands to him. "alright, let's go, c'mon, no more stalling back here. get back to him before he thinks you ditched him."

"oh christ, would he think that?"

namjoon finally breaks into laughter. "yes, hyung, your perfectly calm and cool exterior probably tricked him into thinking you're stone-cold and don't actually care about him, so he left in tears. no, i don't think he thinks you ditched him, but he might if you wait around back here any longer. let's go!"

.

jeongguk barely makes it halfway back to the table before taehyung and jimin are launching out of their seats to meet him. "jeongguk!" taehyung exclaims. "oh my god, i told you the makeover would work. look at you, all grown up and getting ass. i'm so proud of you." jeongguk cringes away from taehyung's congratulatory hug. "please shut up, oh my god," he hisses. "i just came over to tell you i'm leaving now. i'm going to yoongi's place." jimin goes, "oh, so it's yoongi now, huh?" at the same time that taehyung crows, "so you are getting ass!"

of course, this is the same time that yoongi returns from backstage, carrying a backpack slung over one shoulder, with kim namjoon/RM in tow. yoongi raises an eyebrow. jeongguk just- shrivels. he's going to kill taehyung, and then move somewhere very very far away, preferably antarctica. taehyung, however, does not seem embarrassed in the slightest. instead, he turns his attention to yoongi and namjoon. "hello, you must be yoongi-ssi!" he chirps. he turns to namjoon, and adds in a significantly more suggestive tone, "and of course i know who you are, RM."

jeongguk resists the urge to bury his face in his hands. namjoon doesn't seem bothered by the attention, though. in fact, he straightens up the slightest bit more. "please, call me namjoon. i'm afraid i don't know you, though," he rejoins. taehyung grins at him. "kim taehyung," he says, and pulls jimin closer to him. "and this is park jimin."

"i'm here too," jeongguk says faintly. yoongi rolls his eyes and steps closer to jeongguk. "there's no use," he says. "namjoon-ah is a terrible flirt. and it looks like your friends are perfectly willing to reciprocate." jeongguk snorts. "that's an understatement, but yes." he chances a glance over at yoongi. he's smiling, a little fond and a little exasperated, at namjoon. "should we just...leave them to it, then?" jeongguk asks.

"we'd better. if i know namjoon, then it won't be long before they start eye-fucking." jeongguk makes a face. "yeah, there's definitely better things we could be doing with our time." he smiles down at yoongi. "like you catching me up on this extensive backlog of music you've apparently been making for the past four years."

yoongi snorts. "it's really not that extensive, but alright." they exit into the night air, a little too brisk for the bomber jacket that jeongguk is wearing. he shivers, tucking his hands further into his pockets. "so what do you do?" yoongi asks, eyeing jeongguk. "i'm in school still," jeongguk says. "third year vocal performance major."

"oh, you're a singer?" jeongguk nods. "yep. your music...your music was actually part of the reason that i decided to pursue vocal performance. i've done some production stuff in class, and i'd really like to produce my own music someday." he chances a glance at yoongi. yoongi looks flushed, but jeongguk can't tell if it's from the cold or not. "that's really cool, jeongguk. i, um, i'm glad i was able to inspire you, even if it was in a small way."

"your first album came out when i was still in high school and hadn't decided yet what i wanted to study," jeongguk says. "really it was mostly that album that made me take the leap. well, like 60% your album and 40% iu." yoongi chuckles. "wow, i'm in the same league with iu? i'm honored."

"no, seriously! the things you wrote about...i guess i couldn't relate to all of them, but it was the way you wrote about them. i didn't know music could be that honest. and besides-" jeongguk closes his mouth abruptly. he had been about to say and besides, you were the reason i realized i was bisexual, but yoongi can never know about that. never. he briefly considers murdering taehyung and jimin, just to get rid of the witnesses.

"besides what?" yoongi prompts curiously.

"nothing," jeongguk says, trying for casual and hitting 'definitely hiding something.' "wait, what is it?" yoongi asks again.

"nothing! ah, you're so nosy, hyung."

"sorry," yoongi replies, not sounding sorry at all. jeongguk scrunches his face up at him. "i'm only letting that slide because you promised good speakers," jeongguk says seriously.

"oh, so you're only using me for my superior technology. got it."

jeongguk gives him a cheeky thumbs up and skips ahead down the street. "how far away is your place, anyways?" he asks. "not that far. like five minutes. why? worried you can't make it?" jeongguk huffs a laugh. "as if. i'm worried about you, hyung, you're so pale and tiny. you look like you might collapse at any moment."

"hey!"

it's a lie, obviously. yoongi is pale, and kind of short, but he his confident stroll projects a strong 'don't-fuck-with-me' vibe. it helps that he's still dressed in his stage clothes, and there's still a scar drawn over his eye. on other people it might look ridiculous, incongruous with the bustling, polished streets of seoul, but yoongi pulls it off well. too well. that isn't even getting into yoongi himself. he might be short, but jeongguk can tell -even with the big coat- that he's not scrawny. he's solid, and broad-shouldered, and....

and jeongguk is getting side-tracked.

they arrive at yoongi's apartment. jeongguk takes his surroundings in as he kicks his shoes off by the door. there are the promised speakers, situated in the corners of the living room and framing a beat-up flat screen tv and a soft-looking couch. when jeongguk sneaks a glance into the kitchen he sees a set of expensive-looking stainless steel frying pans. there's a giant chef's knife lying on the counter.

"you aren't actually bringing me back here to murder me, right?" jeongguk asks as he shrugs off his coat, hanging it up on a hook by the door. "hm?" yoongi glances up and follows jeongguk's line of sight to the knife. he laughs. "oh. no, that's purely for non-human meat, not to worry. besides, you really think i would just leave the knife lying out if i were going to kill you with it? that would tip you off. do you think i'd be that terrible of a murderer?"

jeongguk shrugs. "i mean, you have a kumamon bathrobe on your couch, so i'm going to assume you're not any kind of murderer."

"hey, fuck you! i could murder you in that bathrobe and no one would ever find out," yoongi says, waving a fist seriously at jeongguk. jeongguk nods, fighting down a smile. "sure, hyung. whatever you say." yoongi flips him off and starts setting his speakers up. jeongguk just laughs, turning to run his fingers along yoongi's shelf of cds. he likes yoongi's apartment already, even though he's only seen two rooms. it's the kind of place that's personal; you can look around for a few minutes and immediately tell what's important to yoongi. there's kumamon plushies lined up by height along the top of his bookshelf, which is cluttered with books: cookbooks, philosophy textbooks, books on psychology and music and astronomy. he's got dozens of cds and records. there are fairy lights shaped like stars strung along his walls (although at least half of the strings appear to be out of battery.) an expensive laptop and even more expensive headphones are lying on the coffee table, along with a half-dozen empty cups.

"sorry about the mess," yoongi says, glancing over his shoulder. "i didn't really expect to be having anyone over. I, um, don't really do this often."

"wait, really?" jeongguk can't keep the surprise out of his tone. "i guess i thought...with the whole stage persona thing, you seemed like the type to bring people home a lot."

"are you calling me a slut, jeongguk-ah?" yoongi says, mouth curled up with amusement.

"no! i just-"

"i'm kidding." yoongi turns to face him, arms crossed and back resting against the wall. "it's cute that you get flustered so easily, though."

"like you're one to talk! anyways, play me your music, you promised me music." yoongi snickers. "fine, fine," he says, and hits play.

.

jeongguk has always adored yoongi's music, and the songs he missed over the years are no exception. yoongi's work as suga is just as fantastic as his work as agust d. jeongguk thinks it's a little unfair that one person should be so skilled. he tells yoongi as much, and revels in the blush his words inspire.

they've slowly migrated closer and closer as the time passed. at this point, yoongi's leaning fully into him with his head resting on jeongguk's shoulder. his eyes are closed as he listens intently to the music, long eyelashes fanned over his cheek, but they flutter open as the last song ends. he stands, rolling his neck and cracking his wrists. "i'm sorry, i should've asked earlier. do you want anything to drink?" he asks. jeongguk also stands. "no, i..." he chews nervously on his bottom lip. "hyung. i mean. you did bring me back here for a reason, right? that isn't just...listening to music." yoongi swallows hard. "um. yes. i mean, i did call you attractive within a half hour of meeting you. and you told me you thought i was a slut. so i thought it was pretty obvious." jeongguk glares.

"i did not- okay. so, are we going to do something about that?"

"like..."

"like are you going to suck my dick at any point in the near future?" that startles a laugh out of yoongi. "i thought you'd never ask," he says, smirking. "although i think you're skipping a few steps there. you could start by kissing me, you know." he tilts his head challengingly.

jeongguk is seized with a sudden flush of confidence. it might have something to do with the way yoongi is looking at him, sharp but almost a little shy, or the way yoongi's fingers are curled around each other, picking at his nails. no matter what the inspiration, he still surprises himself when he reaches out, fingers brushing yoongi's chest, and hooks a single finger under one of his heavy silver chains. he gives a slight tug, feels the metal press cool and sharp against his skin.

yoongi swallows visibly, his lips parting. he runs his tongue over them, and jeongguk's eyes drop to his mouth at the movement. "well," jeongguk murmurs, his voice quiet to match the silence around them. "you're going to have to come a little closer if you want me to kiss you."

and yoongi - goes. he lets jeongguk pull him forward, lets the momentum carry him forward and forward until his hands are against jeongguk's face, in jeongguk's hair, their chests pressed flush together, their shoes knocking. jeongguk drops his head, presses his forehead against yoongi's. there's a moment of quiet where they just breathe, faces close together, warm air mingling between them. yoongi smells like cedar, strong enough that jeongguk thinks he might've dabbed cologne behind his ear. jeongguk resists the urge to lean over and sniff his neck to check, because 1: he would really like to be kissing yoongi right now and 2: that might ruin the mood.

"this how you normally kiss people?" yoongi says. his voice is too breathy to be sarcastic. jeongguk just smiles and leans down, finally fitting their lips together. it's a nice kiss, starting out soft, gentle. yoongi's mouth is warm and his lips are slicked with chapstick that tastes like tangerines. he kisses well. he's definitely had plenty of practice; he doesn't rush things, doesn't move too fast. jeongguk's had kisses like that, where it was obvious that the other person was ready to skip straight to sex. yoongi kisses like it's the only thing he wants to be doing, like he could do it for hours. he curls his hands into jeongguk's hair, not pulling, just a nice pressure that jeongguk melts into. jeongguk settles his hands onto yoongi's waist, fingers digging in just a bit as yoongi runs his tongue over jeongguk's bottom lip and pulls back.

"we could've been doing this the whole time? fuck," jeongguk says. yoongi presses his head against jeongguk's chest, groaning. "i know," he laments. "i've been wanting to kiss you since i saw you during the show but you had the audacity to be-" he pokes jeongguk in the chest. "funny and easy to talk to and genuinely very nice and then you wanted to listen to my music!" jeongguk snorts. "you know you could have just leaned over and kissed me while we were listening? i wouldn't have minded."

"well, i didn't know that! you seemed very focused, i didn't want to ruin it for you halfway through by kissing you." jeongguk laughs, his shoulders shaking. "oh my god, yoongi-hyung, don't be humble. i don't think any situation could be ruined by you kissing me." there's a beat of silence, and then, "i can see you making up scenarios in your head that kissing would ruin. stop it, i am exaggerating for effect and you know this."

"but what if we were at a funeral-"

"shut up, god." jeongguk leans down and swallows up yoongi's muttered "brat" with his own mouth. yoongi abandons all further protests, melting back into the easy rhythm of kissing. he's more daring, now, biting at jeongguk's lip with his sharp canine before soothing his tongue over the spot. jeongguk shivers, obvious under yoongi's hands. he slides his hands under yoongi's oversized shirt, rucking the fabric up, scraping his nails over skin. goosebumps rise under his fingertips as he runs his palms over yoongi's ribs.

"fuck, jeongguk," yoongi groans, finally licking into jeongguk's mouth properly, the kiss turning messy and a bit desperate. yoongi's hands tighten in his hair, the sensation bordering on pain. jeongguk likes it still. yoongi pulls away from jeongguk's lips and slides his mouth down jeongguk's jaw to his neck. he presses open-mouthed kisses there, tongue flicking against the skin. then he pulls away properly, and jeongguk barely has a moment to whine in protest before yoongi is pressing him up against the nearest wall. yoongi pulls the collar of his shirt aside so he can suck a hickey into the skin above jeongguk's collarbone. it stings a little, and jeongguk whines, head falling back against the wall to give yoongi better access.

yoongi hums. "like your shirt," he comments, tracing his fingers over the fabric.

jeongguk chuckles, his voice raspy. "special one-time offer, i'll let you take it off me," he says.

"only one-time?" yoongi asks, glancing up at jeongguk, and wow, jeongguk absolutely cannot handle the sight of yoongi with his mouth red and his pupils blown looking up at jeongguk through his lashes like that. he shuts his eyes and takes a moment to just breathe. "we can revisit that, i suppose," he says. "mm. good," yoongi hums, fingers working deftly at the buttons of jeongguk's shirt (which is already unbuttoned quite far, at jimin's insistence. jeongguk will have to thank him later.)

yoongi pulls the fabric out of his jeans where it's tucked in, and pushes the shirt fully off his shoulders. jeongguk lets it drop to the floor. the way yoongi is looking at him is making the blood rush to his cheeks. yoongi's eyes are trained on jeongguk's general torso area, skating from his abs to his pecs to his biceps, just blatantly checking him out.

"what?" jeongguk whines, crossing his arms in an attempt to cover his chest. yoongi shakes his head, snapping out of whatever sort of shirtless-jeongguk induced daze he was in. "do you work out eight times a day or something? what the fuck," yoongi says, stepping back into jeongguk's space to rest his hands on jeongguk's waist. he just kind of stares down at his hands, at how they circle jeongguk's waist, and jeongguk shivers.

yoongi's hands are confident and careful as they run over jeongguk's sides, touch firm enough not to tickle but too soft for jeongguk's liking. he slides his palms up, over jeongguk's shoulders, then finally dropping to thumb at jeongguk's nipples. jeongguk arches at the touch, breath speeding up. the sensations are just - a lot. he admittedly hasn't gotten laid in a while, and that combined with his many high-school fantasies about this exact situation, and yoongi's obvious skill with his hands and his tongue-

it's a lot. it's a lot, and jeongguk is well on his way to getting hard in his jeans, and yoongi is teasing him. "can we, like, move this to your bedroom?" jeongguk gasps. "and also can you take off your shirt," he adds flatly, pulling at the fabric of yoongi's t-shirt. yoongi smirks. "okay, yes, those seem like reasonable requests." he pulls away from jeongguk, but jeongguk whines and drapes himself over yoongi as they make their way down the hallway to yoongi's bedroom. yoongi laughs as he tries to walk with jeongguk's weight on him, bright and carefree, and jeongguk grins in response. "oh my god, it's like, two steps-"

and then they're stumbling into yoongi's bedroom, which is lit up with fairy lights (which just seem to be on permanently. jeongguk now understands why half of the strings in the living room were dead.) jeongguk gets a quick glance around the room, and takes in a cushioned window seat with air plants hung around it, stacks of books on the floor near yoongi's bed, notebooks and crumpled papers on the desk in the corner, and a little lucky cat waving its paw on yoongi's nightstand. that's all that he has the time to notice before yoongi is pushing him down onto the bed and settling in between jeongguk's spread legs. he sits up on his knees make quick work of unhooking his chains and shucking off his shirt, leaving them in a pile at the foot of the bed.

"any more requests?" yoongi inquires, and jeongguk groans, throwing an arm over his eyes. "have we gone through the steps?" he asks. "can you suck my dick now?" yoongi snorts as he leans over jeongguk, hands wandering like he's unable to keep them off jeongguk's skin. "i suppose that could be arranged," he says, experimentally rolling his hips down. jeongguk moans, hands flexing against the blankets. "yoongi-" his voice is choked. yoongi laughs, pulling back. "just teasing," he says, smiling as he slides down the bed. he looks almost intimidating like that, hovering over jeongguk with his eyes dark and his mouth parted. and then yoongi leans down and mouths at the front of jeongguk's jeans, and jeongguk loses all coherent thought entirely.

.

jeongguk wakes to an empty bed and the smell of gyeran bokkeumbap. he groans at the sunlight and at the ache in his neck, sore from sleeping on an unfamiliar pillow. he stretches slowly, rolls his wrists and cracks his knuckles and sits at the edge of the bed trying to make coherent sense of the last eight hours.

what he remembers is this:

yoongi, pretty mouth and dark eyes. a whispered conversation -

should i leave?

you don't have to, it's late and there's a storm coming

are...are you sure?

i'm sure, i don't mind, not kicking you out to get blown away by the wind

hey, how light do you think i am-

shh, c'mere, i'm sleepy

yoongi's cold fingers pressed against his side, warm lips against the back of his neck. sleeping.

and now he's awake, and yoongi apparently woke up early enough to make jeongguk breakfast, and the door is cracked enough that jeongguk can hear yoongi humming to himself over the sizzle of the frying pan. there's a soft rnb song playing, presumably from the very very nice speakers in the living room. yoongi's fairy lights are still turned on.

jeongguk takes a deep, deep breath and buries his face in his hands. then he texts taehyung.

[jeongguk]

taehyung

oh no taehyung

taehyung he's so cute. he let me listen to his music on his fancy speakers that cost more than my college tuition, probably

and he said he didn't kiss me in the middle of it because he didn't want to ruin it for me

he let me stay because of the storm and now he's making me breakfast and he has kumamon plushies in his room and im

im having a crisis

[taehyung]

noted

listen i'm getting breakfast with jimin and namjoon, because we are not emotionally repressed and we've decided we want to date each other like adults

i'm sorry ur having a breakdown over ur crush being nice to u. if it's any consolation he looked absolutely smitten last night. just ask him out

[jeongguk]

you're so mean, hyung :(

he's so nice though. and funny. and so good with his tongue, like, i think i almost passed out last night

[taehyung]

ASK HIM OUT, JEONGGUK

[jeongguk]

happy for u and jimin and namjoon, hyung

[taehyung]

happy for you too, ggukkie. u got this

so jeongguk squares his shoulders and prepares to face yoongi. he's slides out of bed, shivering at the blast of cold air that hits him from one of the vents near yoongi's bed. he's in his boxers and the oversized t-shirt yoongi had lent him last night, and he tries not to feel too self-conscious as he exits the room. he's not entirely used to this; he's stayed over after a hook-up before, but not often. it's really just been a while since any of this has happened, since he's felt comfortable getting this intimate with a stranger. still, yoongi is - nice. he's just nice, and funny, and he treated jeongguk well last night, and jeongguk is trying to figure out how the fuck to say hey, i know we just met yesterday and you're like, kind of famous and definitely richer than me and when you said you wanted this to be more than one time you probably just meant sex, but do you want to go on a date sometime?

he cringes just at the thought. god, he needs to get his shit together. maybe it's time to revisit that 'moving-to-antarctica' plan. but no. he is jeon fucking jeongguk. he's just going to have to suck it up and talk to yoongi. yoongi, who is currently...shimmying his hips in a horribly over-exaggerated dance and humming to himself as he fries eggs. jeongguk is on the verge of about-facing and just hiding in yoongi's room for the rest of time, but it's too late. yoongi has already spotted him.

"oh, jeongguk-ah!" he says, face turning pink as he goes still. "i, uh, didn't realize you were up yet." he coughs awkwardly, and jeongguk watches as yoongi's eyes scan over his body, snagging somewhere in the region of jeongguk's legs. jeongguk glances down and finds an array of dark bruises on the inside of his thighs. yoongi coughs again. "sorry, i didn't mean to, um-" he gestures helplessly at the marks. "no, it's alright, i. um. i liked it," jeongguk replies. god, this is even more awkward than he thought it was going to be.

"oh! oh. okay, that's good." yoongi turns away. "i made you breakfast, by the way. wasn't sure what you liked so i tried to play it safe." he gestures at the two frying pans on the stove. "i'm almost done, if you want to take a seat?"

"yeah, um- do you mind if i take a quick shower first? i'm kind of gross."

"oh, of course! yeah, that's no problem, sorry. i have some spare toothbrushes under the sink if you need one."

jeongguk can't resist. "i thought you didn't do this often?" he asks innocently, blinking at yoongi, who points a spatula threateningly at him. "it's for my friends, you absolute heathen. how dare you insult me, in my own home, when i'm making you food!" yoongi's tone is entirely teasing, no real anger at all, so jeongguk just laughs as he escapes to the bathroom.

jeongguk has always liked taking long showers to clear his head. he still feels the acute awkwardness of being in a stranger's home, that sort of wrongness that settles like an itch he can't quite scratch, but he always feels better after his morning ritual of nearly boiling himself alive. he takes a moment to poke around yoongi's shower, a little nosy but not enough to like, actually go through his cabinets or something weird. yoongi has a nice shower, one of those fancy shower-heads with eighteen different settings. there's a clean towel laid in front of it, like yoongi had put it there before jeongguk woke up. the bath mat is emblazoned with a cat that has its middle finger (claw?) raised, and jeongguk chokes on a laugh as he strips off his clothes.

he takes his time, uses yoongi's fancy organic-raw-honey body wash and shampoo that smells so strongly of strawberry that it makes jeongguk sneeze. halfway through he starts singing the refrain of the song yoongi produced for heize, which has been stuck in his head ever since he listened to it last night. all in all, he feels much better once he's done, more comfortable in his skin now that he's not sweaty in weird places that didn't get wiped down last night and his hair is no longer sticky with product. he gets out of the shower, feels only marginally bad about using up yoongi's hot water, and wraps a towel around his waist before padding back out to the kitchen.

"hey, can i borrow some clothes?" jeongguk asks. "sorry, i can return them, i just really don't want to try to put those jeans back on this early." yoongi looks up from where he's seated at the island in the kitchen, browsing on his phone. there are two heaping plates in front of him, and jeongguk tries his best not to feel endeared by yoongi waiting to eat until he arrived. "oh, that's fine," yoongi says. "you can grab whatever from my dresser, i don't mind." he smirks at jeongguk. "unless you're up for round two. ease of access and all," he adds with a pointed glance at jeongguk's towel.

jeongguk laughs a sort of half-panicked wheeze, and just. steps into yoongi's bedroom. shuts the door. lets his head thunk dramatically against the wood. he...might be an idiot. like, seriously, what is wrong with him? that wasn't even a "no, i'm not interested." that wasn't any sort of response at all. that was like, flight or fight level panic. and it doesn't make any sense.

it's not that he doesn't want to have sex with yoongi again, to be clear. that is a thing he wants. a lot. but also: it is morning. things have been verging on awkward ever since he woke up. taehyung's ASK HIM OUT text is still ringing in his brain. everything is just... a lot. jeongguk thinks he deserves some processing time after hooking up with the person he's been thirsting after since he was 18. he does hope that his panicked refusal (well, not refusal, really, just panicked escape) doesn't make things any more awkward, because he likes yoongi. he likes yoongi a lot; yoongi is funny and kind and gentle and not at all what jeongguk was expecting. jeongguk kind of (definitely) wants to ask him out on a date, find out what his favorite type of coffee is and hold his hand and then go for round two.

but that also seems like a lot: a lot for a hookup, even one that had been preceded by hours of conversation. right now jeongguk kind of feels like a lot, like, as a person. he thunks his head against the door once more, and sets about finding himself some clothes. he can do this. he will eat the breakfast yoongi made, he will make as polite and non-awkward conversation as he can, and then he will escape to think things over and maybe convene with someone who is slightly less invested in his love life than jimin or taehyung.

yoongi has the same basic wardrobe that jeongguk has, only he's shorter. jeongguk is wearing a shirt that he's drowning in and sweatpants that are too short for him and he feels a little ridiculous, like a child that's growing too fast. still, he exits yoongi's bedroom, shuffles over to the kitchen island, and takes a seat. yoongi is no longer on his phone; he's sitting upright, almost rigid. he has a pair of metal chopsticks clutched loosely in his hand, but he's not eating.

"hey, jeongguk-ah, i'm sorry if i made you uncomfortable," he says after a moment. "i didn't mean-i don't want to pressure you or anything. i shouldn't have assumed. i'm sorry." jeongguk stares down at his plate, because yoongi's voice sounds heartbreakingly sincere, and it's making jeongguk's heart ache. "you didn't," he replies. "really, hyung, you didn't, i'm just..." he chances a glance up. yoongi is watching him intently, mouth parted. jeongguk looks back down. "you didn't make me uncomfortable. everything just feels a little weird right now. i really haven't done this in a while either, and-" he breaks off, shaking his head. "if anything, i should be apologizing for invading your house and stealing your clothes." he laughs, but it comes out stilted. yoongi, apparently sensing that he's trying to change the subject, just laughs and shakes his head. "you really should be," he scolds. "i make you breakfast and you steal my clothes. i see how it is."

"i guess we'll see if that's a just reward after i taste this," he rejoins, and yoongi swats his shoulder. "hey, you dick, i'll have you know i'm an excellent cook. gordon ramsay taught me everything i know." jeongguk relaxes a bit, finally taking a bite of his food. "maybe not gordon ramsay level, but i suppose i could eat it." yoongi laughs.

"well, i'm glad it lives up to your exacting standards."

breakfast is nice. everything is still a little awkward, especially when jeongguk leans to grab his glass of water at the same time that yoongi drops his phone and reaches down to pick it up. suddenly yoongi's face is almost pressed into his thigh, and jeongguk is leaning fully over yoongi's head and shoulders. yoongi downright squeaks and pulls back, face red. jeongguk just waves it off. he doesn't really know how to express to yoongi that he doesn't have to treat jeongguk like glass just because he panicked earlier.

oh well. he made his bed, now he has to lie in it. he gets through the breakfast small talk, collects his stuff, and all too soon (not soon enough?) he's standing at the door to yoongi's apartment, hands shoved awkwardly in the pockets of yoongi's sweatpants. "well," he says. "i've got to head out, um, i have class later, so..." yoongi nods. "yeah, of course. i should probably get working, anyways." he lifts a hand and jeongguk waves back as he makes his way out the door. yoongi shuts it behind him, and jeongguk stops, takes a deep breath, and lets himself collapse against the wall outside yoongi's apartment.

"what the fuck."

.

yoongi shuts the door behind jeongguk and latches it. he takes a long, long breath in, blows it out, takes very careful steps back over to the island, sits down, and goes:

"oh, for fuck's sake."

he is an idiot, a class-a idiot, brain cells nonexistent. everything was going so well, and then he had to go and make that stupid joke and make jeongguk uncomfortable, and that had fucked everything up.

well. to be fair, it was awkward before that, but in the usual morning-after awkward when everything feels excruciatingly real. still, despite the awkwardness, jeongguk had cracked jokes, tried to keep their casual banter going. yoongi's mind drifts back to that particular moment, before jeongguk had gone to shower, and his brain helpfully supplies the image of jeongguk in boxers and yoongi's t-shirt, bruises up and down his thighs. yoongi groans and shoves a mouthful of now-cold rice and eggs in his mouth mutinously. he might've gone a bit overboard with the hickies. so maybe he has a thing for marks, and also maybe a thing for jeongguk's thighs in particular.

not the time, he tells himself firmly.

it's just that the walls were a little thin, and he could hear jeongguk singing one of yoongi's songs in the shower. he sings like a fucking angel, because of course he does, because jeon jeongguk apparently exists to make yoongi's life harder. yoongi was giving him the biggest heart-eyes the whole time they were eating, he could feel the dumb little smile on his face and the way he couldn't tear his eyes away from jeongguk. jeongguk's face scrunches up when he eats, kind of like a bunny, and he kept making little happy noises like it was the best thing he'd ever eaten.

yoongi had stared at him like an idiot and thought something along the lines of i want to make him breakfast every day, or something equally sappy and inappropriate for the situation, and he just- needs to calm the fuck down. because he made jeongguk uncomfortable. he was going to suck it up, ask for jeongguk's number, but then he made that stupid joke and made jeongguk uncomfortable and then everything was awkward and-

deep breaths. yoongi takes deep breaths and tries not to curse his general foot-in-mouth tendency.

well, there's only one thing for it.

[yoongi]

hey namjoon-ah

disregard this if ur still having an extended threesome but

what are your thoughts on committing acts of violence with blunt objects?

[namjoon]

strangely enough, this isn't the weirdest thing you've ever texted me, hyung.

i am no longer having an extended threesome! however, i did go out for a breakfast date with taehyung-ah and jimin-ah and it was lovely! we're going to keep seeing each other in the future

of fucking course.

[namjoon]

as for acts of violence, i am generally opposed. why? did jeongguk turn out to be a shithead? because i can make an exception in my pacifism for you, hyung.

[yoongi]

i'm happy for you, namjoon-ah

about jimin and taehyung, i mean

no, jeongguk is not a shithead. he's a fucking angel. i am a shithead. the biggest shithead.

i need you to hit me so hard that i forget the past four hours but not so hard that i die

[namjoon]

i'm not going to give you brain damage, hyung! if you want to talk about what happened we can meet up and talk it out over coffee, though

[yoongi]

oh, fuck you, as if you've never considered blunt trauma as a solution to ur problems

...that would be nice tho, thank you

.

jeongguk does have class, but it doesn't start until much later, which gives jimin and taehyung plenty of time to interrogate him. they barely even let him breathe; he manages to wrangle one shoe off his foot before jimin is tackling him. taehyung appears and joins the group hug, shoving jeongguk's spine uncomfortably hard into the wall.

"ow," he manages.

"okay, okay, tell us what happened! did you take taehyung's excellent advice and ask him out?" jimin asks excitedly, hovering near jeongguk as he pulls off his other combat boot.

"i mean, if you consider 'running away when he asks you to have sex with him again and then leaving very quickly after eating the breakfast he made you' to be 'asking him out,' then yes! i did indeed!"

jimin frowns. "oh, jeongguk-ah," he says, grabbing jeongguk's hand. "i thought he gave you the best blowjob of your life or something?" taehyung adds, wrapping jeongguk in a back hug. "and he made you breakfast! did he turn out to be a douchebag?"

"no," jeongguk groans. "he was lovely, so nice, made me see stars with his tongue, made me breakfast and he's a good cook and he's talented-" he pauses to take a breath. "he might be the perfect man and i panicked like an idiot and ran away and now he's going to hate me forever." he leans back into taehyung and sends an award-winning pout at jimin. "forever, hyung," he repeats.

"now, i feel like that might be a slight exaggeration-" jimin starts, but jeongguk cuts him off. "nope, not an exaggeration, he'll hate me forever and i'll never be able to listen to his music ever again without thinking about how much of an idiot i am." taehyung squeezes him a little tighter than necessary for a hug. possibly he's just trying to stop jeongguk's anxiety spiral by crushing him. jeongguk doesn't really mind; the pressure is actually kind of comforting.

then the pressure lets up. jeongguk glances up to find taehyung and jimin mid eye-conversation. they're glaring so intensely that anyone who didn't know them would think they're angry at each other. jeongguk knows that this is just how they communicate. he's gotten used to it after living with them for so long.

"hyung," he says. neither of them so much as glance at him. it's like he's disappeared completely from the room.

taehyung breaks the eye contact first. "sorry, what?" jeongguk shakes his head. "it's nothing," he says. "can we just-" he motions at the hallway. "i've gotta wash these clothes. and the ones i'm wearing, actually." he looks mournfully down at the shirt he's wearing. "would it be weird to keep this?" he asks, pulling at the hem. taehyung pats his shoulder.

"it would be, yes. c'mon, go get dressed properly. you've got class later, right? we can play overwatch until then if you want."

jeongguk sighs and mopes away to the bedroom. "thanks, tae-hyung."

.

[taehyung]

hey, namjoon-hyung! jimin and i have a favor to ask!

[namjoon]

hi taehyung-ah! i'm having coffee with yoongi-hyung right now, but i'll help you both as best as i can when i'm done

[taehyung]

that's perfect, actually, the favor has to do with yoongi-ssi.

so...jeongguk came home from yoongi's pretty upset with himself. i'm pretty sure it's just a misunderstanding? he's freaking out about it though

but he and yoongi-ssi seemed to get along so well, and i really want jeongguk to be happy

so....could you maybe forward this along? it's jeongguk's number.

xxx-xxx-xxxx

[namjoon]

taehyung, you're an angel

i'm talking yoongi-hyung down from his own anxiety spiral rn actually (they're made for each other)

i'll convince him to talk to jeongguk. this is perfect! thank you

.

jeongguk is not moping. he's not. he is watching ghibli movies, and eating hi-chew by the fistful, but those are just...incidental. absolutely not moping behaviors. he's strong and independent and not moping over a boy. (okay, so he's definitely moping, and the only reason he's getting away with it is because taehyung and jimin are both out and they constitute 80% of his self-control.) he's been mulling it over for the past week, though, and he's got it all figured out: he needs one night to mope, and then he'll be over the whole situation. so he's watching ghibli movies, and eating hi-chew, and then he's going to play animal crossing until the tips of his fingers go numb. maybe he'll text his friend jeonghwa and they can complain about their disastrous love lives together. it's fine. he's fine.

he actually does feel somewhat better (minus his stomach, which is protesting pretty dramatically at the amount of sugar he's consuming.) jeongguk's in the middle of congratulating himself on a genius plan when his phone vibrates. it takes him a minute to dig it out from where it's slowly slipped beneath the couch cushions, but he finally manages it, rolling onto his back and unlocking the screen. he has a new notification from an unknown number, which makes him frown in confusion; did some spam network get his number? he's mentally reviewing the ads he might've clicked on over the past few days as the message loads, so he doesn't fully process the words the first time he reads them.

then he does, and his mouth goes instantly dry. he drops his phone on his chest, heart suddenly picking up speed, and lies there for a full minute.

"i'm being ridiculous," he mutters, and picks the phone back up.

[xxx-xxx-xxxx]

hello, is this jeongguk? it's yoongi

sorry if this is weird, you can block me if you want, but namjoon gave me your number

i think he got it from taehyung or jimin? at least that's what i figured, they've been texting nonstop lately. it's really cute, actually

sorry, i'm rambling. oh god, i hope i got the number right or else this is going to be really awkward. this is jeongguk, right?

[jeongguk]

yeah, it's me

[yoongi???]

oh, thank god. alright then. i am actually texting you for a reason, i guess

i wanted to apologize again. for making that stupid joke and making you uncomfortable. i feel really bad about it, because...i guess things seemed like they were going really well. and i was hoping that maybe we'd see each other again, but then i fucked that up

i don't want to be presumptuous or anything, especially after, well, how everything went. but i really enjoyed spending time with you? not just the sex part, although that was fantastic, no worries, but all the other parts too.

you're really cute when you're focused, you know

[jeongguk]

oh

[yoongi???]

sorry, i'm being weird again. jesus. sorry, i don't do this kind of thing very often. as you can tell

[jeongguk]

no, that was a good 'oh'

wait, to be clear, is this you asking me on a date?

jeongguk takes a deep breath, locks his phone, and shoves it beneath his pillow. "urghh," he groans, resisting the urge to hide his head under the pillows. why is this so fucking awkward? he's asked people out before. he's been asked out before! it's never been this awkward. he thinks that possibly he and yoongi are both awkward people by nature and it's doubled when they're both trying to get their point across without making each other uncomfortable. jeongguk silently curses his natural aversion to bothering others.

his phone buzzes again.

[yoongi???]

jeongguk, i think you're very cute and interesting and i would very much like to take you on a date

if you're

amenable to that

[jeongguk]

OH

yes, i'm amenable to that! extremely amenable! maybe the most amenable??

i think you're also very cute and interesting. although i'm sure you know that, i'm not the most subtle person in the world

also, just like, fyi: the joke really didn't make me that uncomfortable

i was just freaking out because i didn't know how to ask for your number and i was worried you would think i was weird if i did ask

[yoongi-hyung]

oh my god

maybe we're both dumbasses?

i've been stressing over this for days, oh my god, i felt like the biggest douchebag

[jeongguk]

i....have also been stressing

i'm going to go ahead and claim the title of dumbass supreme though, considering that i'm the one who turned down a repeat performance lmao

which i am very up for at pretty much any point, by the way

[yoongi-hyung]

cool cool cool

good to know

i'm going to take you on a date first, though! by god i am going to romance you

[jeongguk]

i mean, i'm not going to complain. do you want me to grade your romancing skills out of ten or do you want a more comprehensive review?

i'm talking authenticity, creativity, individualism...

[yoongi-hyung]

jesus christ that sounds terrifying

maybe start with the 1-10 scale and we'll elaborate from there?

[jeongguk]

👍

so when is this romantic as hell date going to take place?

[yoongi-hyung]

well, i mean, if you're not busy...i'm free tomorrow night?

[jeongguk]

wow, hasty

no important producing work to be done? no sold-out shows?

[yoongi-hyung]

don't be a brat :v

i am extremely diligent and always get everything done by the deadline so no, i don't have any important producing work to do, my schedule is free to romance the hell out of you

[jeongguk]

hmm

idk u have the aura of a procrastinator

so....sounds fake but okay

i suppose i can clear my very busy schedule for you as well

if i must

[yoongi-hyung]

how gracious

i'll try to make it worth it ;)

[jeongguk]

oh my god, is that a winky face

min yoongi-ssi, are you being suggestive??

i'll have you know i have no idea what you could be referencing with that emoticon

[yoongi-hyung]

...sure

you didn't warn me you were this much of a brat before i promised to romance you

[jeongguk]

hmm i think you like it though

[yoongi-hyung]

no comment

ok how does 8 sound. i'll send u the address?

[jeongguk]

cool cool works for me

what should i wear

[yoongi-hyung]

wear something hot ;)

[jeongguk]

EW

oh god the face i just made

stop talking like a fuckboi i beg

[yoongi-hyung]

oh, you will ;)

okay nope that was physically uncomfortable to type i'm done now

see you at 8?

[jeongguk]

see you, yoongi-hyung 💖

[yoongi-hyung]

💖

.

[group: two married men and their sexy friend jeongguk]

[jeongguk]

hey, fuckers

i can't believe you gave my number to namjoon

but also i have date now so...

thanks i guess

assholes

i love you

[jimin]

oh my god, tae, we are geniuses

[taehyung]

IT WORKED

we are so smart

soulmates 💖 have we ever had a bad idea

[jeongguk]

should i make a list??

[jimin]

no we have not, tae

we are so smart 💖

[jeongguk]

why are you LIKE THIS

[jimin]

love you ggukkie!

[taehyung]

love youu

[jeongguk]

....

💖

.

deja vu is kicking in as jeongguk stands in front of taehyung's mirror, jimin and taehyung on either side of him, frowning at his appearance. "do we really need to do this?" he asks. "i mean, we already know he thinks i'm hot." jimin raises an eyebrow at him. "are you doubting my judgment? " he shoots back, and jeongguk can only give a defeated nod. "please put me in anything but those jeans from last time, though," he pleads. "they cut off my circulation. i almost lost my legs below the knees."

"why did you even buy them?" taehyung asks predictably. he is morally opposed to any sort of tight pants.

"because they make my ass look good?"

"listen, we've had this conversation, loose sweatpants emphasize your ass better than any tight jeans, plus you get some dick action in there too."

"okay, but who actually finds it hot to see someone's dick in their sweatpants when they're outside and like, around people? that's bordering on public indecency," jeongguk says, warming to the familiar argument. "plus sweatpants do nothing for your thighs." he nods firmly. "okay, enough," jimin says, inserting himself between jeongguk and taehyung. "you have like twenty minutes before you have to leave for your mysterious date, stay focused here."

that sends a jolt of anxiety through jeongguk's stomach. he and yoongi have texted a few times since their conversation yesterday, but it still feels surreal that yoongi actually asked him out. he's usually not good with surprises, either, but he's hoping yoongi's own anxious tendencies will keep him from doing anything too dramatic. the address yoongi sent him just leads to a park, so jeongguk still doesn't really know what to expect.

as it turns out, he doesn't have to worry. jimin and taehyung help him pick an outfit. it's all black, loose joggers with an unnecessary amount of straps, chunky boots, and layers that will keep out the damp autumn chill. the park is only fifteen minutes away, so he walks; well, he runs for the first five minutes and then realizes he's going to get sweaty fast if he does that, and slows to a power walk. he's just nervous. the last time he and yoongi were together it mostly went well, but he can't help the anxiety sitting in the pit of his stomach.

he's in the middle of a mental pep talk when he nearly crashes into yoongi on the sidewalk. "oh! hyung, sorry, i didn't see you there." yoongi squints suspiciously up at him.

"i'm not that short."

and just like that, jeongguk's nerves melt. he bounces on the balls of his feet, trying and failing to tamp down the smile growing on his face. yoongi looks cold and a bit disgruntled, wrapped up in a thick coat with his hands stuffed in the pockets. he has a plain black mask pulled down to his chin and his hair is poking through the back of his cap in fluffy tufts. jeongguk resists the urge to tug on them.

"so what are we doing?" jeongguk asks as yoongi turns and starts to walk. "well," yoongi starts. "i know i made a whole thing about it being romantic but i also didn't really think it would be your style to do something dramatic, so i actually thought we could just walk around here for a bit and then go to a cat cafe? i love this park, it's so pretty in the evening."

oh my god, jeongguk thinks. he's the perfect man.

the aforementioned man glances up, looking a bit worried as jeongguk's silence stretches on. "wait, did you want me to do something dramatic? oh my god, are you allergic to cats? i'm not sure if i can date you if you're allergic to cats. i'm sorry to have to tell you like this, but i will make you go home."

"no, it's-" jeongguk tries to find his voice. "that's great, hyung. it's perfect." he takes a breath, tries not to look absolutely smitten. yoongi relaxes. "oh, good," he says. "i didn't know if you were more of a dog or cat person, but i go to this cafe all the time, and-" he looks down at the ground, face pinking. "well, i wanted to introduce you to one of the cats there." jeongguk's chest aches, like actually properly aches, at the shy smile on yoongi's face. "oh," jeongguk says. he clears his throat, tries again. "that sounds wonderful, hyung. and the dog person/cat person dichotomy is a social construct anyways," he adds.

"is that so?"

"yeah, because it's really just like, do you like cats and dogs or do you absolutely hate cats? because i've never met a cat person who violently hates dogs the way some dog people hate cats. so i guess you could say i'm a cat person based on societal standards, but really that just means that i like both cats and dogs." he frowns. "well, i guess i like pretty much any animal, actually." yoongi coughs into his sleeve, but it really sounds more like a laugh.

"good to know."

"hey, don't make fun of me," jeongguk complains, swatting yoongi's arm lightly. "wouldn't dream of it," yoongi says, grabbing jeongguk's hand as it slips away from his shoulder and interlacing their fingers. jeongguk falls silent, face heating a little as he tightens his hand around yoongi's. yoongi's hands are dry and cold. jeongguk thinks his hands might be a bit sweaty from nerves, but yoongi doesn't seem to mind, just swings their arms lightly as they walk through the park.

the park really is pretty, delicate cobblestone paths winding through a grove of trees that springs up nearly out of nowhere. it's like stepping into a whole different world. streetlights dot the path, glowing dimly under the canopy of zelkovas and alders. every time the wind blows it sends a shower of leaves fluttering down around them.

their footsteps are silent on the rotting leaves, and they're deep enough into the park that there are only a few other people around. if jeongguk closes his eyes, he can almost imagine they're deep in a forest somewhere in the mountains.

yoongi seems similarly enraptured by the scenery: he walks with his face tilted up, soft white light playing off the curves of his cheekbones, his eyes sparkling. jeongguk tamps down the urge to kiss him, but he can't fight down the smile that grows every time he glances over at yoongi. yoongi notices after a few moments. "what?" he murmurs, not meeting jeongguk's eyes.

"nothing. you're just cute."

yoongi squeezes his hand, still looking away. "don't wanna hear that from you," he finally responds.

"what's that supposed to mean?" jeongguk asks, amusement clear in his tone.

"you're also cute. or whatever."

"or whatever."

"oh my god, shut up," yoongi says, making to pull away from jeongguk. jeongguk grabs his other hand before he can fully pull back, turning yoongi to face him. "you know, i was promised romancing," jeongguk says, taking a tiny step forward. "not very romantic to tell your date to shut up." he pouts at yoongi. "i'll have to take points off the scale."

yoongi looks at him for a long incredulous moment, then shakes his head. "unbelievable," he mutters, and pulls jeongguk forward into a soft kiss. it's a bit awkward at first; yoongi tugs too hard and jeongguk stumbles into him, yoongi's lips hitting the corner of his mouth. then yoongi straightens a bit and tips his head and the kiss turns good very, very fast. yoongi lets go of jeongguk's hands to grab the lapels of his coat. yoongi kisses him for a second longer, soft and lingering, before pulling away, looking determinedly at a bridge in the distance.

"there. that was romantic."

jeongguk notes with delight that his voice has gone high. jeongguk hums, pulling yoongi along the path again. "it was," he agrees. "i suppose i could add a few points back for that. minus two for the teeth in the beginning, though."

"fuck you, i'm a fantastic kisser."

"keep telling yourself that, hyung."

"you brat-" this time jeongguk pulls yoongi into a kiss just to shut him up, grinning against yoongi's lips. yoongi melts against him fast enough to make jeongguk smug.

yoongi makes this disappointed little noise in his throat when jeongguk pulls away. "we're in public, hyung," jeongguk reminds him with a laugh. "and you promised to introduce me to a cat."

they reach the cafe, a quaint little building with corners and doors where they shouldn't be, and order drinks (yoongi: iced pumpkin latte, because he wants to be seasonal but refuses to drink hot coffee. jeongguk: apple pumpkin caramel cinnamon frappuccino, because he wants to be seasonal and it was the drink with the most words in its name.) they've barely gotten their drinks and settled themselves on some cushions before a cat is racing over to greet yoongi. she's tiny and soft-looking, black fur fluffed out against the draft seeping in the window, big yellow eyes wide. she ignores jeongguk's cooing to curl up in yoongi's lap. frankly, jeongguk doesn't remember whether he's cooing at the cat or at yoongi, who is hunched over and petting her softly. his face is all tender and wide-eyed and his hands are heartbreakingly gentle as he scratches behind her ears.

"this is pepper."

"she's adorable," jeongguk murmurs quietly.

yoongi hums in agreement, before taking jeongguk's hand. "here, let her smell your fingers. it'll help her get used to you." jeongguk does as he says, holding his hand out to pepper with a few inches of space between them. she stretches her head out, sniffs him, and turns away disdainfully.

"she doesn't get along with people right away," yoongi says. "but she's clingy once she gets used to you." jeongguk reaches out a cautious hand, running the pads of his fingers over pepper's back. she's tense, but doesn't run away, and he marvels at how soft her fur is.

"i like her," jeongguk says. (doesn't add "she looks just like you," because he doesn't want to spur yoongi to violence while he has a cat in his lap.)

yoongi looks up at him and smiles. "i thought you might. want to try holding her?"

"already?" jeongguk is surprised by the rush of nerves the words send through him.

"sure. i don't think she'll freak out if i'm here." he gently, gently slides his hands under pepper and deposits her in jeongguk's lap. she squirms, making an aggravated little yowling noise, but yoongi is quick to start petting her again. jeongguk stares down at her, afraid to breathe too hard in case it disturbs her.

"jeongguk."

"hm?" he looks up at yoongi, who's laughing quietly into his hand. "you can breathe, it's okay. calm down." jeongguk snorts. "i'm not- i'm calm, thank you very much-" he leans back too far and accidentally jostles pepper "-fuck, sorry, kitty. sorry, it's okay, please don't leave." he scratches at her ears a bit desperately. yoongi is fully giggling now, bent over his drink with his shoulders shaking. jeongguk glares at him.

"sorry, guk-ah, sorry, it's just- you look so scared. she's got you whipped already."

jeongguk likes how easily the nickname slips out. he likes how happy yoongi looks, flushed from laughter, petting pepper with one hand and holding his drink loosely in the other. he likes yoongi in general. possibly it's not just pepper who's got him whipped, but, well. he'll keep that to himself.

yoongi still surprises him. jeongguk had thought about him a lot over the years, wondering what yoongi was like, how he acted when he wasn't performing. sure, he thought yoongi's stage persona was attractive, liked the brash confidence and easy skill of agust d. however, he's finding that he likes min yoongi far more than he ever liked agust d. yoongi is an easy mesh of contradictions; shy one moment and bold the next. he's gentle: gentle with small cats and people's feelings and the way he touches jeongguk.

jeongguk just - likes him. he can't remember the last time he's felt so drawn to someone. every time he learns something new about yoongi it just endears him further. he wants to know more about yoongi: all the embarrassing phases he went through as a teenager, what made him fall in love with music, his worst memory, his best memory. all of the little things you find out when you know someone well. he wants to know yoongi well.

but this is also only their first date, so he shakes himself out of that particular train of thought and focuses back into the present. yoongi is starting a story about his first job as a producer, hands rising as he gestures for emphasis. jeongguk settles in, one hand gently stroking pepper, laughing when yoongi's voice rises in indignation at some past slight. it's just - nice. comfortable. everything about yoongi feels like comfort.

.

they hold hands again, later, when yoongi insists on walking jeongguk home. they hold hands and talk, too loud for the late hour, their breath sending puffs of steam into the air. they talk, and when they reach jeongguk's apartment, they stand there and talk for a while longer. it's not until jeongguk feels his phone buzz and glances down to check it that he realizes how late it is. "shit, hyung, you gotta get home," he says. "it's late." yoongi checks his own phone and makes a face. "oh, you're right," yoongi says, sounding disappointed. "sorry for keeping you out so late, guk-ah." jeongguk shakes his head quickly. "no, i-i had fun. it was really nice."

yoongi smiles at him, and there's an awkward beat where jeongguk doesn't know how they're supposed to say goodbye. he doesn't really know what the right move is for their situation. then yoongi shakes his head, and steps forward, and kisses jeongguk.

when they pull apart, jeongguk grins down at yoongi. "you kissed me twice on the first date," he says. "isn't that some breach of etiquette?"

"i've literally sucked your dick, you brat," yoongi says, rolling his eyes, but there's a fond smile on his face. "ew, don't talk about sucking my dick and call me a brat in the same sentence, gross," jeongguk shoots back.

"i mean, some people are into that."

they're both laughing now. yoongi sort of- half turns away from jeongguk, then looks back, hands shoved awkwardly in his pockets. jeongguk leans down to kiss him one more time, and then steps back. "bye, hyung," he says softly, lifting a hand in farewell.

"bye, jeongguk-ah. i'll, uh, i'll text you later?"

jeongguk nods, drops his hand again. he steps into the lobby of the apartment building, lets himself grin like a lovestruck teenager for a few seconds. then he takes the stairs two at a time, trying to tamp down the giddiness so it doesn't show on his face.

jimin is there as soon as he steps in the door. he gets one good look at jeongguk's face and bursts out laughing. "so how was the date, jeonggukkie?" he sing-songs.

"oh my god, hyung, stop-"

"taehyung!" jimin turns to call over his shoulder. "taehyung-ah, he's in love!"

jeongguk buries his face in his hands and groans.

.

[taehyung]

hey jeongguk

now that u and yoongi-hyung have been dating for a couple weeks....send me his number, will you?

[jeongguk]

no

wait why

[taehyung]

....Reasons

[jeongguk]

why, specifically

[taehyung]

Specific Reasons

[jeongguk]

ugh ok fine

don't say anything weird

.

[group: kookgi enthusiasts united]

[taehyung]

welcome, everyone

i'm sure you're wondering why i've gathered you all here today

we are here to celebrate the union of one jeon jeongguk and one min yoongi

a big shoutout to kookgi for getting their shit together and dating. we are all so proud of u both

[jeongguk]

Taehyung I Will Murder You

[namjoon]

ooh good idea babe! wouldn't yoonkook sound better than kookgi though?

[taehyung]

my boyfriend, everyone. the smartest person alive.

[group: yoonkook enthusiasts united]

[taehyung]

as i was saying, we are gathered here today

etc etc

anyways

yoongi-hyung!

[yoongi-hyung 💖]

....yes

[taehyung]

oh good, you're on your phone!

now that you're jeongguk's boyfriend, i feel like it's my duty as one of jeongguk's best friends to embarrass him

it all started in his senior year of high school

he was absolutely obsessed with you

[jeongguk]

kim fucking taehyung not ANOTHER word

[yoongi-hyung 💖]

wait hold on i'm interested now

[jeongguk]

NOT A WORD

YOU TOO JIMIN

[jimin]

i didn't even say anything and yet i'm being attacked. tragic. how little you trust me

he really was obsessed with you though yoongi-ssi

he wouldn't shut up about how cool agust d was

'agust d is soo cool jimin-hyung, i could listen to him rap forever'

[jeongguk]

traitors, all of you

say whatever slander you want, I'M going to go make out with my boyfriend

[yoongi-hyung 💖]

he's blushing lol

[jeongguk]

i'm going to make YOU blush goddamnit

[taehyung]

aww they're so cute!! namjoon-hyung, quick, say something romantic pls i'm feeling left out

[namjoon]

baby, i can't just say something romantic on command

[taehyung]

💖💖💖

baby!!!

💖💖 baby!!!!! 💖💖

[jimin]

namjoon-hyung :( i want u to call me baby too :(

[namjoon]

you're both my babies 💖

[jimin]

💖💖💖

.

"they're gross," jeongguk mutters, pulling yoongi's phone from his fingers and crawling into his lap. "we're grosser," yoongi informs him, resting his hands on jeongguk's waist.

"false. absolutely false," jeongguk says into yoongi's neck. yoongi shivers at the feeling of his breath against the skin. "don't you have like eight heart emojis after my name in your phone?" yoongi asks pointedly.

"it's only one! anyways, if anyone's sappy, it's you. weren't you the one who sent me like, an entire paragraph gushing after i sent you one of my covers for the first time?"

"you can't use that against me," yoongi whines. "i can't be held responsible, my judgment was skewed by how cute you are." he frowns. "you see! gross! i never used to say things like this!"

jeongguk snickers, hiding his face. "sorry i've ruined your judgment, hyung."

"you should be," yoongi says, but there's no heat to his words. there's a pause, yoongi quietly running his fingers through jeongguk's hair. then: "your boyfriend, huh?"

"oh," jeongguk says, looking up. "sorry, was that not okay?"

yoongi laughs like he can't help it. "baby," he says fondly, "obviously it's okay. really, do you think i mind at this point? it just caught me off guard. first time you've said it."

"wait, really?" jeongguk sits up properly, frowning. "i could've sworn i've said it before now." yoongi shakes his head. "oh. huh. wait, does this have to be an anniversary now?"

"huh?"

"you know. that's what gross couples do, they make anniversaries out of everything." yoongi snorts. "i hope not," he says. "my memory is shit. i'd never remember."

"oh, thank god," jeongguk says. "i thought that sounded like a lot of pressure." he presses a soft kiss to yoongi's neck, enjoying the way yoongi shivers under him. "hey, hyung."

"mm?"

"i like you a lot."

"i mean, i should hope so, being your boyfriend and all."

"hyung-"

"i like you a lot too, jeongguk-ah." yoongi pauses, and jeongguk can see a smile growing on his face, the corners of his mouth turning up. "although apparently you've liked me for a lot longer. high school, huh?"

jeongguk whines. "i can't believe you would do this to me. on this, the five minute anniversary of me calling you my boyfriend for the first time. here you are making fun of me. we have to break up."

"oh no. oh no, that didn't last long. i'll remember you fondly." he taps the end of jeongguk's nose, and laughs when jeongguk's whole face scrunches up. "i'll be heartbroken for months."

"maybe we should just get back together," jeongguk suggests. "you know, to save ourselves the heartbreak."

"i suppose we could do that. wow, i can't believe we had our first fight already. i'll never be able to look at you the same."

jeongguk giggles at his flat tone and presses another soft, open-mouthed kiss to the underside of his jaw. "i could distract you."

"wow, jeon jeongguk. and you gave me all that shit for being suggestive."

"are you complaining?" jeongguk asks, pulling back to give his best puppy eyes at yoongi.

"i guess i could be convinced, god, don't look at me like that." yoongi acquiesces.

jeongguk just giggles and leans in again.

.

[taehyung]

okay okay gotta stay on task

so yoongi-hyung

....wait did they actually leave to make out

jeongguk-ah?

:(