Work Text:
Seokjin keeps up with the random string of bible-Latin as the demon before him keeps writhing on the ground in pain. Or maybe the writhing is from the holy water that got in the being’s eyes when Seokjin pelted it at the demon from his water gun. Either way, whatever the reason may be, Seokjin is sending the demon straight back to hell where the damn thing should be.
With one last scream and a puff of smoke the demon is gone. All that’s left is the sulfur stench.
Seokjin wrinkles his nose. “Nasty.”
“Yea, well, comes with the job, you know?”
With a tired, world-weary sigh Seokjin turns around and looks up to find Taehyung hanging upside down from the ceiling support beams. The demon has a bright, almost cheery grin on his face.
“I hate that I can’t banish your ass.” Seokjin aims his water gun at Taehyung and shoots.
Taehyung just swings out of the way. “If not for me then who else would tip you off on the big ones, huh? You gotta keep the deal up, Seokjinnie!” The demon winks and, in a show of amazing agility, crawls away along the walls. Like a cockroach.
Seokjin gags. “Disgusting.”
“I’ll let you know when another pings my radar, if you get my drift! Work on your Latin in the meantime, it suuuucks!” Taehyung is quick to disappear when he wants to, thanks to his demon powers.
With another heavy sigh Seokjin starts to gather his stuff – the randomly colored candles, the herbs and whatever is left of his salt. Clean up is not a part of his package deal, so the owners of the house will have to deal with that on their own. Not that is should be too hard, only the burns might pose some trouble, being of demonic origin and all that. Small problems.
When Seokjin steps out of the house he almost runs into the wide-eyed woman that hired him. She has way too many crosses on her person and looks more like a crazy preacher than the actual crazy preachers that the demon hunter has met. And that’s something.
“Is the wretched being gone? I heard the screams and wasn’t sure if it’s you or the other one.” The woman waves her cross around as if she’s creating some sort of a force field around herself that way.
Seokjin licks his lips and for a moment, just a tiiiiny moment, debates on the possible amusement factor of telling her that crosses do shit to demons. He decides that getting paid is far more better. “That was all your demon’s doing as he was being forced back into hell. My screams are so much more melodious, thank you.”
The woman narrows her eyes at Seokjin. She breathes in. “Youth these days.” She shakes her head and hands him the money.
By the time the woman discovers the black goop that is always left behind after some good old demon banishing Seokjin is already far enough from her home and on his way to getting drunk. All in an honest day’s work as a demon hunter. Blessed by the church (unwillingly) and everything. He has a certificate at home.
…
“I’m home! What’s up my dude Jesus?” Seokjin lets the door slam loudly against the wall of the tiny house. He has one bag of groceries with fresh produce and other food things, and one, bigger, bag of alcohol in hand.
The Jesus statue that Seokjin had pilfered from the same church that had blessed him in his profession doesn’t say a thing.
From the couch, though, Yoongi is judging the demon hunter heavily. As always. “I really don’t think you should call Jesus your man, especially since you are, technically, working for him. Even though he is a being that doesn’t exist.”
Seokjin sticks his tongue out towards Yoongi. “Shut up, you’re just salty that I got Jesus the sparkly crown and forgot to get one for you as well.” He drops both bags in the kitchen before fishing out his sour candies. “By the way, I saw your paramour on my way back from the bar.”
“Please tell me you didn’t drink and drive? You’re a man of church.” Yoongi is very not amused.
“How dare you, of course I didn’t! I slept off my drunkenness in the arms of lovely Hyuna and saved her from that one stalker she has for the evening. Also renewed her demon-be-gone protection. But anyway---” Seokjin takes a deep breath to continue on with his story when he is rudely interrupted.
Yoongi smirks when the pillow that had hit Seokjin straight in the face falls on the floor. “I’ll get Hyuna to come in for a reading then.”
Seokijn narrows his eyes and angrily munches on his sour candies. No respect in his own home.
Pilfered Jesus statue stays serenely quiet.
…
The next morning Yoongi is already gone and pilfered Jesus has one more flower crown wrapped around its neck. Seokjin squints at the overall look for a moment. With a shake of his head the man goes about his usual morning routine, then, slowly starting on breakfast and ignoring the pile of church-issued assignments on the tiny stool by the front door. They keep on rising in numbers and Seokjin’s will to do them lowers accordingly.
Just as Seokjin finishes with his eggs the phone rings.
With pursed lips the man glances at the screen and makes a small hm at Jimin’s cute ID photo that flashes in time with Gee Gee. “Yes, whichever demon child of mine you are?”
Jimin’s giggles are in the background while Taehyung huffs directly in the receiver. “Excuse you, you only have one demon child and that is me. My Jiminie is an angel!”
“He’s passingly human like the rest of us at best.” Seokjin licks his plate clean. “So, what did you want?”
Taehyung blows a raspberry. “Whatever. There was a flare up near the big convention center, pretty big one. I’d say like middle class demon, should probably check it out, I don’t know. Anyway, bye!”
A second later Soekjin gets a text message from Yoongi, which is a rare occurrence. His roommate is notorious for texting only as a last resort and when pressed by need or urgency.
Yoongichi
you either will get your ass kicked today
or meet the love of your life
Seokjinie
what even
Yoongichi
fuck up or romance
or maybe both, sometimes the cards are weird
anyway
Seokjinie
well… you’ve never been too wrong so I’ll be ready?
Yoongichi
k
It doesn’t take too long to get ready, mostly because Seokjin’s demon hunter outfit consists of his favorite sweatpants of the day and whatever shirt he finds - all the equipment stays inside the backpack when not in use, being upgraded or replenished when needed.
On the way out Seokjin, as per ritual, stops by pilfered Jesus and high fives the statue. “Here’s to not being killed by a demon today as well. Keep the place safe, Jesus. I’m counting on you my guy.”
…
Seokjin lowkey wants to find Taehyung and punch that asshole demon in the face. Never mind the fact that Seokjin’s dainty hand would not survive that (which is not the point), if he really were to punch the damn fiend then he’d have an angry Jimin on his ass. An angry Jimin is worse than any demon.
Still, Seokjin wants to find Taehyung and punch that damn demon in the face.
The convention center is overrun with anime fans, many of whom are in cosplay. Many of whom are also, conveniently, not exactly fully human, which in turns means that Seokjin’s supernatural detecting skills are all over the place and are exactly no help at all.
“Fuck me sideways while on a rollercoaster.” Seokjin mutters under his breath as he watches helplessly as a Yu-gi-oh character bends Deadpool over their arm for a fancy anime kiss.
There is a lot of cheering for the lucky couple and Seokjin really wants to go back home.
But a job must be done, especially if Taehyung sent him out on this chase. So, with a heavy heart and jealously seeping through the annoyed mutters that he makes under his nose, Seokjin starts to make his way through the crowds of people both in and out of cosplays. Finding a demon in this mess of both regulars and supernaturals, plus the people in very realistic said supernatural costumes for added difficulty bonus, will be a right nightmare and Seokjin already feels dead tired.
And ready to just go back home, fuck the demon and whatever the damn thing is here for.
Hopefully for some random DnD sessions – Taehyung says that game is popular down under (as in hell, not Australia).
It’s slow moving, but Seokjin manages to pass the ticket-check undetected, somehow, and then somewhat awkwardly check some of the biggest groups for any sneaky demons. He wants to try to get inside and check out the gaming corners in hopes that the demon is indeed just up here for some good, old D&D, but at this point the hunter has already given up all hope and is merely checking out places for the sake of an alibi for later questioning.
Almost an hour later Seokjin stands with his forehead against the wall in some semi-secluded spot in the convention center. He’s tired, sweaty and grumpy. There are too many people and too many costumes around to find anything.
“I fucking hate this job.” Seokjin would bang his head against the wall as well, but the triangle pose he’s making does not allow for that. “I hate this job and I hate fucking demons.”
“What’s wrong with demons, they’re cool-looking?”
Surprised out of his mind, Seokjin fucks up the triangle pose and manages to fall over despite his frantic flapping about. On the way down his head bangs painfully against the damn wall after all. “Sweet Jesus, my heart almost gave out.”
“That’s what you get for being old and a hater.” The demon apologist laughs.
“Who even uses the word hater anymore? It’s year twenty-twenty of our damn Lord and we, as a society, should move on from that.” Seokjin gets back on his feet and turns around with a huff. He stops when he sees the guy, squints at the other.
It’s a demon. Horns, tail out and everything. The whole bondage dungeon vibe that the guy is going with is very over the top, but, then again, this is a place where that kind of over the top shtick helps to blend in with the crowd so much better. Probably. Seokjin can only presume and then take all the credit for figuring it out – like a real professional that he is.
The demon cocks his head to the side. “Chill out dude, it’s not that deep.”
“I mean, yeah. But also you’re here kind of illegally, or else I wouldn’t have been tipped off.” Seokjin wags his finger at the demon, while his other hand pulls out the water gun filled with holy water. He would have gone for the reused window cleaner bottle, but Yoongi threw that one out.
“Uh, I bought the ticket, what are you even talking about?” The demon guy is now frowning, which magically makes him look way more serious and menacing than before. Demon magic, surely. “Are you allowed to be here? You don’t look like staff.”
Seokjin aims his water bottle at the demon and huffs. “Hmph, I do what I want and go where I want. Except hell, where you now need to get the heck back to.” He doesn’t waste time to spray the demon with the holy water.
Then, nothing happens.
Seokjin stands there blinking at the now wet demon. The demon, meanwhile, curses rather loudly as he shakes off the holy water.
“What the fuck did you just spray me with?” The demon pats down his bondage outfit with quick pats. His voice has a tiny, angry squeak to it.
“Holy water. Why the fuck are you not screaming in agony right now? And twisting around in pain like all normal demons?” Seokjin shakes his water gun to make sure he has more ammunition left, though if the demon is immune it won’t be much of a help.
The demon stops, then brings up his hand and sniffs it. “It smells like vodka, though.”
“Fuck you, everything blessed by a priest is holy water.”
More silence ensues. In the distance someone screams as if they are being murdered. The screams soon grow in numbers. Seokjin has a lightbulb going off in his head moment and then he facepalms hard, all good looks and first impressions be damned.
“Fuck. Wrong demon.”
The fake demon looks super confused and also kind of uneasy, because of the screaming, surely. “Uhm. What the fuck.”
“Shut up and stay here.” Seokjin turns around and runs towards the screams. He has no time for sexy demon cosplayers right now.
…
The actual demon has black blood dripping down one side of her face where the holy water had burned her, the corner of her mouth, which is pulled into a feral grin, seems to be almost splitting. Seokjin is breathing heavily and he knows that he is completely fucked. As Yoongi had so helpfully predicted, today is the day that he gets his ass kicked in, by no one else but a D&D fanatic demon of all the things.
Pilfered Jesus did not bless Seokjin on this fine summer day.
“I hate today with all of my beautiful being.” Seokjin grumbles as he grabs a handful of sage with one hand and a bible with the other. If he’s going to go down, he is going to go down with a pomp. “Come at me, you dick.”
“Excuse you, I’m a lady.” The demon woman scoffs as her blood drips down on the floor and a couple more people scream.
Seokjin nods. “Sorry, my bad. Come at me, you pussy.”
“That’s better, thanks.” The demon lady gets her claws ready as she closes in.
The two circle each other for a bit as someone plays the Mortal Combat battle music in the background. That’s an amazing mood for his final battle of the week, so Seokjin doesn’t mind going with it. At the very least, the setting they are fighting in makes this all seem less like an actual dangerous situation and more of a previously made sketch for the animecon fan gathering.
Just as the demon lady tenses for an attack someone splashes something in her eyes. She shrieks from either surprise or pain, maybe both, and Seokjin decides to use this chance for good. He runs up to her, stuffs the sage down her mouth and whacks her on the head with the bible (cross down, like a good Christian, that he is most certainly not).
“That’s not how you use the bible!” Someone yells from the crowd gathered around the battle.
Seokjin whacks the demon lady with the bible again. “Shut up, it so is!” He swallows a curse and then goes right into mumbling of random bible texts in Latin under his breath in hopes that it works.
It does work and the demon lady shrieks as she gets pulled down to where she came from. People from the crowd cheer and break into applause, despite the sulfur. Seokjin lays down on the ground and grunts when one side of his ribs feels extra not ok.
“That was some wild shit.” The sexy demon cosplay dude crouches next to Seokjin. He has a bunny smile. “Neat show, old dude.”
Seokjin glares. “What did you throw at her?”
“Actual vodka I had in my demon bag.” The cosplayer guy shakes the bottle from side to side above Seokjin’s head. He cackles at whatever face the demon hunter makes in response to that.
With a groan Seokjin closes his eyes and pretends, just for a tiny moment, that this is not his life right now and he is back home, talking shit about Yoongi and Namjoon to pilfered Jesus, as usual. But no, everything hurts and his phone keeps buzzing with new messages and the cosplayer guy is blinking down at him with big, sparkly deer eyes.
Life is unfair and Seokjin is a big gay demon hunter.
…
When Seokjin gets home he fake pukes on the apparent threesome happening on the poor, abused living room couch. Amid Yoongi’s scandalized yelling, Namjoon’s embarrassed yelps and the third guy’s sunny laughter, the demon hunter walks up to pilfered Jesus, looks the statue straight in the eye and then flips it off.
…
Come morning Seokjin floats out of his room to grace the poor and unfortunate threesome with his magnificent good looks sometime after two in the afternoon. It would have been sooner, but alas - healing ones wounds after a great battle comes with tiredness and energy consumption. Also, Seokjin was just feeling lazy.
He stops dead in his wobbly walk towards the kitchen when the sexy cosplayer guy from yesterday is sitting perched on the third, sunny laughter guy’s lap. While Seokjin is not surprised to see the third party of Yoongi’s little orgy still here, since his roommate is known to be a very affectionate after-sex type, the cosplay guy’s presence is most unexpected.
“Why are you here?”
Sexy cosplay guy, now out of said cosplay and looking extra fresh and suave with his tiny ponytail and oversized t-shirt, giggles. He giggles. “You dropped your business card.”
Seokjin makes a weird face, he just knows it. “I don’t have business cards?”
Yoongi raises his arm where he is basically sinking into their old beanbag. “You do because I made you exactly one. I doubled your chances on getting the love of your life faster. Now, say thank you, Yoongi. I also accept manual labor as gratitude.”
“Do you remember, Yoongichi, that I know all your dirty secrets and there are currently two of your boyfriends in this very room, all in the range of my melodious voice to hear said secrets in high quality, straight from the source?” Seokjin points his finger first at Yoongi, then Namjoon and then to the sunny laughter man. “Who are you anyway?”
“Oh, me? I’m Hoseok! Sorry about yesterday, Yoongi said we’d be alone.” Hoseok laughs yet again and his mouth forms a heart shape.
Namjoon seems to be stuck in a middle state of begrudging acceptance of the situation and mild amusement of everything happening around him. The man sighs and turns towards Seokjin with his big, sad regret eyes. “I’m really sorry for all of this. I did say the card idea was not good to Yoongi.”
“And yet, here we are.” Seokjin shakes his head.
Seokjin decides to ignore everything happening in his living room and go and make breakfast. He’s hungry and when he’s hungry he’s not himself, as per the Snickers commercials. And maybe some strong tea will help with the impeding chaos that is to come when two humans, a seer, a pilfered Jesus statue, a demon hunter and one werewolf get together.
It’s been barely a few minutes but Seokjin is tired.
“Why do you have a Jesus statue covered in tinsel and wearing a tiara in your home?” Sexy cosplay guy asks and he sounds rather confused. “I’m Jungkook, by the way.”
“Well, Jungkook, we have the Jesus because I stole it from the church that blessed me into being a demon hunter. They told me I’m gonna die in three days and to spite them I took the Jesus statue in the middle of the night. Father James asks me for weekly updates of it.” Seokjin dumps a few ingredients for a quick salad in the sink to be washed.
Jungkook is quiet for a moment. “The pastor is cool with it?”
“Does he have a choice to not be cool with it?” Seokjin shoots back over his shoulder.
Jungkook tilts his head to the side and his ponytail bounces. It’s adorable. “I guess. Also, why is the tiny cat man calling me the love of your life? Not that I mind, you’re hot despite your old age and beat people up with vodka.”
“That’s holy water vodka, excuse you.” Soekjin sniffs and promptly ignores everything else that Jungkook said. Even the age bit, which is uncharacteristic of him indeed.
…
“Baby boy, what has brought you to my fine establishment this time?” Hyuna is carefully making tiny braids in Seokjin’s hair as she coos at him.
Seokjin is back at Hyuna’s bar after another demon banishing, this time for the church, so that they keep him in their good-ish graces. While there was no epic bible duel this time, Seokjin did get stabbed in the ass with a sharp demon tail and so sitting hurt.
“I got stabbed in the butt.” Seokjin whines.
Hyuna giggles as she ties off one more tiny braid with a sparkly pink thread. “Sure, your ass troubles are why you are here. And not because of the love of your life, huh? Yoongi told me all about it, you know.”
“The tiny cat man is starting to be really annoying at this point in time. I need to shut him up.” Seokjin grumbles as he straightens up and pouts as Hyuna. “Also, I refuse to believe that some stary-eyed cosplayer is the love of my life.”
“Baby boy, you’re gay, horny and at this point very desperate. Predictions or no, at least try it out with the other baby boy. Think of all the roleplay you two could get into.” Hyuna boops Seokjin’s nose, then immediately turns around to throw two middle fingers at some rude asshole on the other side of the bar.
Seokjin claps. “God, I wish I was a strong, kick-ass woman like you, Hyuna.” He high-fives the woman when she extends her palm.
“Flatterer.” Hyuna purses her lips, before squinting at the crowd. “Oh fuck, is that Leah? Sit tight, baby boy, I need to go and tear her a new one for stealing my damn bras. Those torture devices cost a kidney as is.”
“Kick her ass!” Seokjin calls after Hyuna and the fiery red of her hair part the crowd of people like she is an especially vengeful Moses a la rule 63.
Seokjinie
you little shit stop gossiping about me to everyone
Yoongichi
werent u an attention whore
why so bothered
lol
Seokjinie
one day I will let Jimin go ham on your hair while you’re passed out
and then you will regret
mark my words, tiny cat man
Yoongichi
u wouldnt dare
also wtf im not a cat
Seokjinie
watch me
Yoongichi
I hope Joon uses his powers to give you an existential crisis again
Seokjinie
sure, right after he gets the voice recording of January 14th, 2017
Yoongichi
YOU WOULDNT DARE
Seokjinie
:*
Seokjin lets out his cartoon villain laugh at the next couple of panic texts that come in from Yoongi. There isn’t much that phases his roommate, not after the many years they have lived together. But with the years also comes blackmail ammunition and Yoongi should know better by now. Especially when Seokjin is in the picture and is known for fighting dirty.
“Are you bullying Yoongi again?” Namjoon’s tired voice suddenly cuts through Seokjin’s evil cackling.
“Oh shit!” Seokjin jumps and turns around, wide-eyed from the surprise. “Namjoon! You were supposed to be the good one! Betrayal!”
Namjoon merely blinks, then looks upwards as if asking for divine help. Too bad for him it will never come. At least, not as long as Seokjin is present and continues his crusade in annoying the church as much as he can without being kicked out completely.
“Stop bullying Yoongi. Please.” Namjoon repeats himself as he sits down and steals Seokjin’s drink to sniff and then put down with a disgusted grimace.
Seokjin purses his lips. “He started it.”
In the background, over the bar’s music, Hyuna’s angry yelling can be heard rather loudly. When Seokjin turns around he manages to catch Hyuna taking down Leah with a move worthy enough to be a part of some WWE highlight reel. Everyone cheers as the woman screams out in victory, something about bras and depts. Lady business, essentially.
Namjoon has managed to get a glass of apple juice from somewhere. “He’s trying to help you in a… roundabout way.”
“Helping and gossiping are two different things, my favorite daddy long legs.” Seokjin bottoms up his drink and burps afterwards. “Tell me about your werewolf boyfriend. Never knew you two were into furries.”
Namjoon chokes on his apple juice and Hyuna pops up from behind the other side of the table, hair ruffled and eyes alight with a dangerous spark. She gins wide at how Namjoon is struggling to breathe.
“I heard furries!” The woman plops her elbows on the table with a rather loud bang and turns her expectant gaze towards Namjoon.
Seokjin mirrors the look, just with a very overexaggerated pout. “Yes, Namjoon. Tell me about your new woof boy. I wanna know whose dick juices stain my carpet and sofa this time around.” He makes his voice a higher pitch than usual, couples it with an obnoxious whine.
The alcohol sure is hitting him right now.
Namjoon thumps his chest. “I regret coming here.” The man wheezes once, twice and then sighs. “Hoseok is a coworker and, uh, we both hit it off. And then he said that the scent of my boyfriend is very nice one day, so we three met up and like… yeah.” He has a bright blush on his cheeks, though the smile Namjoon makes is fond and happy.
Hyuna coos. “How adorable. Now tell me, is it true werewolf dicks inflate? I want to know how true fanfics are!”
Seokjin almost falls off his chair with how hard he laughs.
…
Seokjin is at a gym for the first time in many, many years. He is currently in this sweat kingdom of buff people and grunts all thanks to one Taehyung, as usual. He also very much does not want to be in this, surprisingly, okay smelling place, despite the many, many sweaty bodies that Seokjin is now forced to look at.
One guy squats down with some huge ass weights on his shoulders in front of Seokjin and his pale grey shorts ride up to squeeze his balls and show off the river of sweat that paints the exact location of his butt crack. Seokjin closes his eyes and questions his life choices and the reasons why he is now in a deal with one damned Taehyung.
“Stop looking like death, it’s not that bad.” Jimin slaps Seokjin’s butt when he walks by.
“You’re only saying that because for some delusional reason you actually enjoy this and Taehyung’s nasty demon dick.” Seokjin breathes through his nose before once again cursing his eyeballs with the sight of the gym.
Jimin’s laugh is high and tinkly. There is fairy dust shimmering around him as he continues to shake from laughter. “What can I say, he’s very good with that demon dick of his. Anyway, I’ve done my part and my workout, so I’m leaving. Tae sealed the demon in one of the shower rooms in the back.”
As Jimin flounces out of the gym Seokjin catches Taehyung’s eyes from the other side of the glass wall. The demon grins, shoots finger guns his way and then jumps into his fairy boyfriend’s arms like a three-year-old, not a very old and very powerful demon that he is.
Sometimes, very rarely, Seokjin is jealous of the two. But only for, like, three seconds.
The shower room that the demon is sealed in, of course, stinks. Be it all the sweat, be it the sulfur and whatever else hell gunk that the demon has managed to pull into this level (or maybe it’s all of them), but the stench makes Seokjin gag.
“That shower is closed. Or you have forgotten how to read in your old age, love of my life?”
Seokjin closes his eyes. Breathes.
Jungkook hops in front of him and leans his face very close. His eyes are still very big and sparkly. “Hello! Whatcha up to?”
“About to banish a demon. You know, as per my occupation. Boring office work for me.” Seokjin reaches out to push Jungkook away. His palm meets a very big and firm man-boob. He stops and squeezes.
Jungkook twitches and then giggles quietly. “Stop, that tickles.”
With great reluctance Seokjin pulls his hand away.
“Oh! Wait, you’re here for demon hunting? Can I watch? I want to see what they wear to get my cosplay perfect. Now that I know they are actually real.” Jungkook swivels his head towards the sealed off shower room and his hair does an anime hair-flip.
Seokjin opens his mouth, thinks about it, then decides to change tactics. “Why are you so not freaked out about this? Regulars don’t know about the supernaturals unless someone has told them.”
“Hmm, about what? Ah, my dad’s sister married a supernatural. So, when my cousin one day covered me in halo glitter because I ate the last pudding, they had to spill the beans.” Jungkook rocks back on his heels for a moment. “Didn’t know that demons were a thing, though. That’s kind of cool.”
“I mean, depends. Some of them are okay, some come up to fuck with people’s heads or strip their skin off ribbon by ribbon to get off of human suffering and terror.” Seokjin licks his lips and squints at Jungkook. “Well, I guess I can let you watch if you stand in the corner and burn some church candles. I hate them, so I never bother.”
For the first time Jungkook looks a bit skeptical and kind of afraid. “Strip my skin of ribbon by ribbon?”
“Don’t worry, I’m a certified demon hunter. This demon will have more pressing things to worry about with me in there.” Seokjin says as he pats Jungkook’s shoulder twice. And maybe, if he on accident (not so much accident per se) manages to feel how soft Jungkook’s hair is, then no one needs to know.
…
With one final swing of actual holy water at the demon’s twisting body and a few Latin nonsense the demon is sucked back down in hell. Seokjin lets out a tired breath and wobbles towards one of the wooden stools pushed by the walls. No broken bones this time, but a lot of scrapes and burns.
Jungkook woops in glee as the last smoke slowly disappears. His candle clatters on the floor.
“Glad one of us had fun.” Seokjin doesn’t try to make his tone less dry and sarcastic.
Jungkook ignores that completely. “That was so awesome! Those curly horns? Oh my god! And the acid spit, that was some nice ability. Much better than the claws of that lady you fought curing animecon. I have so many cosplay ideas now, for originals!”
While the enthusiasm is very cute, as is the happy bouncing in place, Seokjin refuses to admit that out loud.
Suddenly Jungkook turns the demon hunter’s way and bounces up to him with a big bunny grin on his face. “Holy shit, you were so hot with that salt thing there. Also, I saw your stomach and your abs are pretty great. Anyway, gotta go, I have a thing planned! Bye!”
Seokjin is left on the nasty shower room bench alone and confused, maybe blushing as well. He groans when someone curses from the outside about the stench and asks loudly if someone took a shit in the showers again.
…
Once again Seokjin stands in front of the pilfered Jesus statue while Yoongi is in the middle of a very heated make-out session with Hoseok. Namjoon is dead asleep under the table and the room smells like weed anise. The weed explains passed out Namjoon, anise the horny werewolf.
Pilfered Jesus stares in quiet, judgmental silence.
“My dude Jesus, I know you’re not real, but like give me a break. The last time I had sex was when I was foolish enough to agree to Taehyung’s and Jimin’s invitation. Have I not suffered enough for that? Why must I continue suffering?” Seokjin flings the towel covering pilfered Jesus’ eyes away so that he can look the statue dead in the eyes.
Pilfered Jesus stays quiet. That’s not at all helpful.
Hoseok comes up for a breath and giggles into Yoongi’s hair. “Who’re Taehyung and Jimin?”
“Beg to your werewolf gods you never find out.” Seokjin huffs and turns around to head into kitchen and maybe get whatever is left of the weed. “Why is Namjoon out cold so fast?”
“Hoseok sucked his soul through his dick. I saw it with my fifth eyes. Twentieth eyes? Hoseok, how many eyes do I have again?” Yoongi kind of slumps on the couch, already halfway gone to the same euphoria planet as Namjoon.
Hoseok giggles into Yoongi’s stomach. “Only two, kitty cat. But you got hella mind eye power.” The werewolf bites the soft pudge of Yoongi’s pale stomach and nyoms out loud.
“That explains the sparkly shit all around me, hell yeah.” Yoongi slurs, hiccups. He tries to curl into himself to protect his stomach but ends up just flapping his arms around.
Seokjin leaves them to it and checks out the kitchen instead. No weed left, but plenty of his alcoholic beverages that might as well do the trick. He can drink away the horny gay panic and then face a new day bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Act like a normal human, a part of a society and all that, and not have dirty thoughts about rubbing his dick across Jungkook’s chest.
“Begone, gay thoughts.” Seokjin hisses at himself as he violently uncorks a wine bottle.
“Nah, let them in. Be gay, do crimes and seduce the buff human.” Hoseok is suddenly behind Seokjin, grinning wide enough for his pointy dog teeth to show. It’s unfair that Yoongi gets two hot boyfriends. “Be a confident bitch, you can do it.”
Soekijn drinks his wine straight from the bottle as Hoseok does a strange dance that includes a lot of jazz hands and hip thrusts.
“I don’t know shit about the guy.”
Hoseok stops mid-dance and levels Seokjin with such a are you fucking kidding me look that there is a momentary shiver of fear running down the demon hunter’s spine. The werewolf puts his arms on his hips, adopting a very ‘mom about to give you a life lesson’ pose, and his beany twitches. Most likely the ears.
Seokjin is kind of intrigued about how the werewolf hides away his tail, but is too afraid to ask right now.
“Listen here, mister demon hunter schmuck. Getting to know is what dates and casual meetups are all about. Take him along for some cute demon banishing things, agree to cosplay some anime character or whatever, it’s not that hard.” Hoseok even pokes Seokjin’s chest with a very pointy finger. “Besides, you have physical assets you can use to your advantage, you’re just a coward about doing that.”
From the living room Yoongi cheers.
Seokjin slowly lifts his wine bottle up and takes a swing. “Fuck, you’re kind of hot right now.”
“I’m hot always and already taken anyway. But thank you.” Hoseok loses the power pose and then grins very wide and bright. “Namjoon wrote a whole poem about my thighs.”
“Speaking of thighs, what did you do with the tail?” Seokjin burps. Wine always gives him burps.
Hoseok laughs again and turns around to wiggle his butt in Seokjin’s face. “Looks nice, right? There’s a witch working in this tiny teashop, close to the main hospital, that makes potions for supernaturals. I take a swing and poof, my ears and tail are gone.” Just as he says that suddenly there is a puff of smoke and there is a large, furry tail wagging from side to side. “Ooops! Potion wore off!”
Seokjin’s impulse control is fucked, so he reaches out to touch the tail. He ends up with a black eye for that.
…
There is a life-sized anime character laying on the hood of Seokjin’s car.
Correction, there is a Jungkook cosplaying as an anime character (to be precise, Rangiku from Bleach) laying on the hood of Seokjin’s car, making a sexy pin-up girl pose. There is a lot of fake boob involved.
“Hey there, tiger. Fancy seeing you here.” Jungkook winks and throws a lock of the long, orange hair over his shoulder. His fake boobs bounce with the movement a little.
There is a slit in the yukata bottom that accentuates the nice, muscly form for Jungkook’s leg. Seokjin zeroes in on that detail and just stands there, hungrily devouring that flash of skin like some deranged, feral Victorian era man that has seen an ankle for the first time in his life.
With great willpower Seokjin glances away from the leg and onto Jungkook’s very pleased and knowing face. “Why are you a sexy woman on my car?”
“I am a sexy, powerful lady on a mission and you are about to help me.” Jungkook pats one of his fake boobs and does not get off from the hood. “You’ll look great as Gin.”
Seokjin feels that inner feral Victorian man fasten his excited, horny vibrating. “Uh. What.”
“No more questions.” Jungkook jumps down from the hood of the car and sashays to Seokjin. The cosplayer’s hips are swaying, boobs are bouncing slightly, and his lips are very luscious and pink. “Just follow me and do as I say, yeah?”
Seokjin is fucked.
…
Jungkook is very good at makeup, is what Seokjin learns as he sits in the chair and obediently does what he is told to do. Despite the fact that Jungkook’s fake boobs keep pushing against his chest every now and then, everything else is okay. So far it has only been makeup and being forced to wear a hairnet needed for the wig.
Seokijn had made it known very loudly and clearly what he thought about wearing that monstrosity and being forced to look less than his usual beautiful and majestic self. Which was all completely ignored.
“You’re done, now just put on the clothes and I’ll give you the wig and we’re good to go.” Jungkook pats his yukata clean from any stray makeup bits and grins at Seokjin.
“You know, I take it back. You are a demon.” Seokjin sighs.
Half an hour later he is decked out in Gin’s clothes, holding a rather cheap plastic sword in hand and fighting hard against his instincts to rip off the itchy wig from his head. Not even his inner Victorian era man would go this far for his slutty ankles and here Seokjin in, seduced by Jungkook’s… Jungkook-ness. And the very nice man chest that the cosplayer has going on under the fake boobs. Can’t forget the legs either.
“Now just dip me and pretend we’re kissing. For the camera. Yeap.” Jungkook fixes his attired to be more on point with his character representation and slinks to stand by Seokjin, ready to be a pretty damsel hanging off from someone’s arm.
With pursed lips Seokjin considers the situation. Thinks. Then he smiles, turns up his charm levels to the max and dips Jungkook low and sensual (thank you demon hunter muscles). He leans in close to the other man’s face. “Jungkookie, if you really wanted to kiss me, all you had to do is ask. Naughty, naughty.”
The camera flashes.
Jungkook blinks his wide eyes, completely taken off guard by the kiss that Seokjin pressed against the corner of his lips.
Seokjin changes their positions, taking over the impromptu photoshoot flawlessly. He switches from suave Gin to goofy Gin, to flirty Gin with no problems. Jungkook doesn’t take long to switch into his cosplayer mood and go along with everything.
“You should cosplay for me more. I’m gonna get so much money from these pics, after I finetune them some.” Jungkook pulls off the fake boobs and puts them gently on the desk with a soft pat on the jiggly mess.
Seokjin snorts, finally free of the wig and the disgusting hairnet. “I am magnificent and the best at everything. There is nothing I can’t do.” He stops when, somehow, he can feel a draft between his legs. Intriguing.
Jungkook’s scrunched-nose, bunny-teeth giggles are adorable as fuck. Seokjin is doomed.
Damn tiny cat man Yoongi and his future visions.
“Want to come demon hunting with me again for our second date?” Seokjin has decided that he doesn’t care anymore and will just roll with it.
Jungkook has gone cute and wide-eyed again. He fumbles a little bit with his wig’s long hair and then ducks his head a little when a soft, pink flush starts to spread across his cheeks. “Yeah. Sure. Cool, cool. Defo down with the date. Yup!”
It’s a good thing that Jungkook is not looking Seokjin’s way, since he is sure that the look of pure gay panic after an unexpectedly suave moment might actually scare the dude away. They need to get, at least, five dates in before Seokjin reveals his everything.
…
There is blood seeping between Seokjin’s fingers, dripping on the dirty ground. The demon before him purses her lips, as if she’s kind of disgusted by the mess that his nasty human body is making. Which, relatable, but also Seokjin is in pain and has a pretty dang large hole in his stomach, so he’d rather get sympathy than disgust.
“You know, the blood all over the place is your own fault.” Seokjin quips as he wobbles in place. The backpack full of demon hunting goodies is somewhere. Helpful.
The demon lady blinks, seems to think about it for a moment. “I claim self-defense. You came at me with cross shurikens, though I’m giving you points for creativity. Last demon hunter I met just blabbed at me in semi-understandable, Americanized version of the Romanian language and waved around a bottle of goat piss as he danced in circles.” She giggles at the memory.
“What century was that in, damn?” Seokjin coughs mid-laugh.
“Like, last week. Poor guy didn’t stand a chance. You church people are getting weaker by the decade, shame.” The demon lady winks. She wags her finger like a displeased mother, as if it’s every day that she gets to lecture demon hunters on their selection process.
The world is starting to get woozy around the edges and all Seokjin can think about is how he will die without seeing a shirtless Jungkook at least once in his life. Now that is a true crime against his very being and whatever. Even more than the time Father James went against his holy work rules, cheated in poker and forced (via promise sworn on pilfered Jesus) Seokjin to attend some high-priest gala where all that the priests and nuns did was drink shitty whiskey and start twerking to Gregorian choir covers of popular pop songs.
“Hey, how about you let me live and I tell you church secrets?” Seokjin tries. He wants to waste some time while he tries to figure out how to maybe get out of this and stay at least kind of alive, but the chances are not looking too good for him.
Demon lady looks very apologetic. “Oh, baby. I wish I could, but you know how it goes. Work is work.”
“Eh, thought so. At least going by the hand of a pretty demon lady will be a memorable death. Can you leave my face unscathed, though? I want people to cry over my worldwide handsomeness even when I’m dead.”
“Since you’re so good about this – sure, why not?” Demon lady laughs as he shakes out her hands for one final strike.
Seokjin closes his eyes and tries to imagine Jungkook as his last thought. He manages to create a Jungkook dressed in a slutty playboy bunny costume which works as well. Just without fake boobs this time, since as lovely as boobs surely are, they are just not Seokjin’s cup of tea.
Next thing Seokjin knows he’s covered head-to-toe in demon blood. It tastes very, very bad and the demon hunter screeches when he feels it sticking to his skin in all the places that both make and don’t make sense. His wound burns. With difficulty he cleans his face off and blinks at the scene before him.
Taehyung stand over the corpse, dressed up in a flimsy Halloween nurse outfit and with pink, fluffy handcuffs around one of his wrists. The demon does not look even remotely impressed by any of this.
“I did not want to see your dick again, what the fuck.” Seokjin says as he cannot seem to pull his eyes away from Taehyung’s very short skirt that covers pretty much nothing.
Taehyung, for his credit, only glares harder. “Well, I didn’t want to be interrupted during my daily sexy times with Jimin, but here we are! I’m being blue balled by you, your almost death and your stupid, tiny cat man roommate. Honestly, I thought you were a pro!”
Even though he is angrily ranting about Seokjin’s uselessness and Yoongi’s shitty timing, the demon is careful as he checks on Seokjin’s wounds and looks for the demon hunter’s backpack. The holy water stings when Taehyung pours it over the wound, but it does clean out whatever demon gunk might have gotten in there and reduces that chances of infection drastically.
“Well, I didn’t know I was gonna maybe die today.” Seokjin knows he’s pouting and that’s ok. He looks adorable when pouting.
Taehyung levels the demon hunter with such a flat stare that for a moment Seokjin remembers that he is one of the strongest demons in all of existence. Even when dressed as a sexy nurse.
“Yeah. I’m gonna shut up now. Okay.”
“Smart choice.”
The jump back home is not comfortable in the slightest and does make Seokjin bleed more. But both Yoongi and Namjoon are already there and armed with enough medical supplies to put a tiny hospital to shame, so Taehyung leaves them to it. He has more important things to deal with (aka Jimin).
“Namjoon, Yoongi. If I die I want you both to know I bless your threesome with the furry man, all my stuff is now Yoongi’s and also Jungkook needs to put on a strip show at my funeral in my memory.” Seokjin is feeling a little delirious. Must be the blood loss and demon blood he might have eaten on accident.
Namjoon sniffs very loudly. “You’re not going to die.”
Yoongi tears open some kind of a paste. “I don’t need your shit. Now shut up and let us sew you shut. The blood is going to be a bitch to get out of our furniture.”
Seokjin pats Namjoon’s head in a fatherly manner. There is still blood on his palms, but the demon hunter pretends he doesn’t know or see it as it smears all over the human’s hair. “Namjoon, remember to mention in the death speech how smoking sexy I was, I need people to know. And that I had a great ass!”
“You’re high as fuck.” Namjoon says very lovingly and then puts Seokjin to sleep with some good old chloroform.
…
When Seokjin comes to he is in normal amount of pain for having an almost life-ending injury and is also seeing things.
“Oh my god, you were supposed to stay out cold for, like, another day. Namjoon said he drugged you extra hard.” Jungkook sounds less like a possibly concerned romantical something or another and more like a kidnapper (debatable on whether he is willing or unwilling kidnapper).
“You know, out of context that sounds really concerning.” Seokjin kind of wobbles while trying to sit up in his own bed and stops when he can feel the pain. Pain means no hallucinations.
Though, if what he is seeing now really is real, then he has many questions. His body is only interested in one thing and that thing is easy to deduce thanks to the awkward boner situation currently making itself known under the blanket.
After a moment of pause taken for the sake of breathing though his pain, Seokjin coughs. He licks his lips, hesitates. “Ya know, my bro, why are you in a playboy bunny outfit? Not that I might, your legs are something else, but also… Why?”
Jungkook looks around for a moment. He’s pink from his cheeks to what little Seokjin can see of the cosplayer’s chest. Finally, the man sighs and straightens out, pats down his bodysuit and makes sure the bunny ears atop his head are all set. There is even a fluffy, white bunny tail on Jungkook’s ass.
Seokjin can die a happy man, he needs nothing else.
“Thank you, Jesus.”
Jungkook frowns. “Your stolen Jesus statue has got nothing to with this. Tiny cat man Yoongi said that you have been talking in your sleep about macho bunnies and asked me for a favor. He even paid for my time.” He then reaches behind himself to fluff up the tail. “You’re a pervert, huh.”
“Excuse you, I have taste!” If Seokjin could, he would get out of the bed and stab his finger in Jungkook’s chest.
A snort is the only answer that the cosplayer gives. Seokjin watches as Jungkook checks himself out in the floor-to-ceiling mirror that Seokjin had installed the first chance he got, and then nods to himself. Jungkook’s wavy hair bounces slightly and Seokjin swallows. The demon hunter is doomed in the best way possible.
Feral Victorian men have got nothing on him right now.
“As per requests of many, I will be checking out your wound, feeding you and making sure you’re good. And before you ask, I did my mandatory health training when I got my driver’s license and Yoongi gave me a wound crash course as an extra measure.” Jungkook saunters to Seokjin’s bed and bends down slightly. His cleavage is very visible, and his eyes are hooded and sultry.
Seokjin makes a high-pitched wounded animal sound. Jungkook’s sly smirk only makes it rise in pitch.
“Now, relax and let me take care of you, Seokjinie.” Jungkook almost whispers and his fingers work on opening Seokjin’s shirt to check on the wound.
Unable to form any other thoughts other than I’m gonna die and omg I have a boner made of adamantium right now Seokjin lays back and lets himself enjoy the ride. His head goes full white noise as Jungkook works and Seokjin can’t help but zone in on the most random details of the cosplayer’s look and just try and keep everything behind his tightly shut lips.
“Your friends have neat stitching hand; it looks like when I sew my own costumes.” Jungkook notes as he cleans up whatever blood has seeped through and looks around for new bandages. He boops Seokjin’s nose and grins. “You might survive until the second date you promised me after all.”
Brain to mouth filters has already been obliterated, so Seokjin doesn’t bother thinking about consequences as he opens his mouth again. “I want to suck your dick so bad. I can’t believe Yoongi was right about you being my one true love, what the fuck.”
From the living room Yoongi screams. “I fucking told you so, you old shithead! Next time listen to the goddamn seer!”
Jungkook’s nose scrunches up very cutely as he giggles. “Charming.”
…
Seokjin snorts awake and blinks at his dark room. Then he notices Jungkook, who is sleeping over his legs. There is a warm spot of Jungkook’s droll on Seokjin’s leg and the bunny ears have shifted so that they now hang in front of the cosplayer’s eyes and make the man look like a snail.
Seokjin outright awws.
…
“Just ask him on a date.” Yoongi is laying across the sofa, looking like a murder victim rather than a healthy man in his twenties.
Seokjin, now healed enough to be out and about, flounders with his bottle of beer. “How dare you!”
Yoongi covers his face with his palms and screams into them for a long, long moment. After a couple of calming breaths, the man then turns to glare at the demon hunter. “He has seen you almost naked, even knows about the demons, can you, for once, get your fucking shit together and ask him out? What happened to the whole worldwide handsome bullshit you’re always on about?”
“My face is a piece of art – to be admired and not touched, Yoongichi. My beauty and my me-ness are two different things.” Seokjin huffs and raises his nose in the air, like he has seen rich ladies do in the sappy soap operas when they are absolutely sure they are right.
Yoongi looks almost murderous.
“Didn’t you two already have a second date planned, though? Jungkook was telling me about it before he had to run off for that sewing shop clearance sale.” Namjoon, bless his soul, comes in the room to stand between his boyfriend and Seokjin. He has a carrot in one hand and a jar of horseradish in the other.
Seokjin peers around Namjoon to look at Yoongi with his eyebrows raised almost to his hairline. Yoongi, for his part, looks just as confused.
“Stop judging my life choices and judge your own.” Namjoon has an angry furrow between his eyebrows and his usually jovial dimples have turned into dimples of judgement.
Seokjin feels personally attacked by the dimples. “I feel really attacked by the dimples and you two in general right now.” He sniffs again, sips his beer. “And I can’t take him on that date because I’m still trying to grow my new stomach hole shut.”
Namjoon blinks. “Go to your church and get their healer to help?”
“I refuse to go into the gentle care of Gertrude, she is more demon than the real demons. Or did you forget the one and only time you were there, huh?” Seokjin points at Namjoon with his beer bottle.
Namjoon zones out looking at the distance, as if he is living through a war memory. He shivers. “Yeah, forget I said that.”
“One day you will tell me about Gertrude and her soft hands.” Yoongi huffs.
With the television droning on in the background, Seokjin pretends that he is very invested in the day’s financial news and reports, although everyone in the room are aware that he knows next to nothing about finances and stocks. Boring himself to death is better than admitting to everyone involved that he is nervous about a date with Jungkook.
The door to their tiny house bangs open suddenly, making Namjoon jump hard enough to drop his horseradish jar and make it spill everywhere. Hoseok skips into the living room, gives pilfered Jesus a high-five and then looks over the massacre of Namjoon’s choice of dip for the day. Now Hoseok as well is judging them all, especially Namjoon.
Seokjing is gleeful for this turn of events.
“Either you message the kid, or I will do it in your stead and send him your ugly selfies.” Yoongi says from the sofa. He’s curled up on one side, like a cat, and has his cheek squished into a cute dumpling form.
“You are the true evil.”
“Nah, just your best friend.”
…
Jungkook is wearing skinny jeans. Seokjin needs a moment. Then he notices the nice, fitted button-down and Seokjin needs a couple more moments.
“What, is this not a good look for demon hunting? You were okay with post-gym clothes.” Jungkook is talking in pout. His hair looks extra soft thanks to the slight wave that is going on.
Seokjin takes a deep breath and then looks at pilfered Jesus for guidance. “Jesus my dude, my buddy, my pal, I am indeed a weak man. Guide me.” Then, as if nothing happened, the demon hunter turns to Jungkook and takes the man’s hands in his own. “You’re fucking sexy and I say this after I have seen you in the bunny costume. I have had so many boners because of you.”
The pout transforms into a blush and then into a teasing grin. Jungkook swings their hands from side to side. “You totally checked out my pecs when you were almost dying. I knew it.”
Seokjin makes a dying whale sound. But like, sexy.
Despite the dying whale sounds of embarrassment, Seokjin does feel some very fond feelings about the way Jungkook sways from the power of his laughter. The cosplayer sounds like a baby, or maybe Elmo. Either way Jungkook is very cute and Seokjin is feeling many things because of that.
“Whatever. Want to come and watch me hunt down a low-level demon that the church is making me go after? If I don’t do at least three of their issued assignments, they won’t pay me for the month.” Seokjin wobbles behind Jungkook as the man leads him towards the car. He’d follow Jungkook almost everywhere, probably.
Jungkook just glances over his shoulder and his hair sways with the movement. His eyes are sparkling. “I mean, you did promise me another demon hunting date.”
“You must never fall into the greedy hands of Taehyung and Jimin, they will corrupt you and leave me powerless.” Seokjin mumbles to himself, more of a loud thought than anything else.
If the demon and fairy couple ever get the wind of, and more importantly, their hands on this kid it will be the end of Seokjin’s sanity as he knows it. All his secrets and weaknesses will be in Jungkook’s hands, ready to be abused. And the couple will be there, watching from the sidelines with popcorn and recording the whole thing as it goes on, heading towards the crashing of Seokjin’s carefully cultivated suave persona.
Sometimes, sometimes Seokjin regrets the deal he has with Taehyung. Just a little bit.
“Hmm? Jiminie and Taetae? You know them? They are so cool! Though Jimin’s fairy sparkles are very annoying.” Jungkook leans against the opened car door, his hips positioned in a way that is very admiring-friendly. Especially in those jeans. “How do you know them?”
It takes a couple of seconds for Seokjin to process the new information. “Wait. How do you know them?”
“Jimin’s my cousin, I told you about him.” Jungkook’s eyes are very big and very full of fake innocence, but Seokjin falls for them anyway.
…
Seokjinie
you sparkly dong, what’s this I hear about you having a cousin
Jwimin
lol
Seokjinie
no, not lol
Jimin what the fuck
your demon bf I understand, but you????
the betrayal
Jwimin
I mean… it’s not like you ever asked
also, me and Tae had a bet going on
I won by the way. Thanks <3
Seokjinie
you are cute and evil
im both annoyed and impressed
Jwimin
lol <3
…
There are some random fires around them, the demon’s leg is sizzling thanks to some actual holy water (applied via some good water gun shooting thanks to Jungkook) and Seokjin has his bible open. As usual the place is completely random and he has no idea what the Latin actually means, but it does the job and that’s all that really matters.
From behind Seokjin Jungkook stands in the protective circle of some church candles, salt and sage as he squirts more holy water the demon’s way.
“Real nice. So, this is your idea of a fucking romantic date? Dude.” The demon hisses as a holy water dose flies past his ear.
Jungkook blinks. “Oops! Sorry about that, I’ll aim for the torso next time.” He salutes the demon’s way and changes his stance for something better.
Seokjin messes up his Latin. The demon surges forward, but the demon hunter is much faster and hits the creature from hell in the face with the bible. Jungkook woops in glee as he steps out of the protective circle to make grabby hands towards the book of God.
“I wanna!” Jungkook laughs as he gets a proper hold of the bible and then hits the demon full strength.
Jungkook’s muscles bulge, his laugh is loud and gleeful. Seokjin is very much in love.
“I need you to smack me with a bible as well.” Seokjin wraps his arm around Jungkook’s waist and pulls the cosplayer close to himself.
The two share a moment. The abandoned building is eerie, there is fire crackling around them, and the demon guy is screaming obscenities in his wacky demon tongue. It cannot get any more romantic than this, so Seokjin uses the chance to lean in for a kiss. A kiss that Jungkook eagerly reciprocates. And the man does so with a lot of tongue and pleased moans.
The demon, now forgotten as he lays on the ground in pain, groans. “Fucking humans. Ew! Do you mind?”
Jungkook pulls away from Soekjin and glares down at the demon. “Uh, do you?” He sounds very annoyed by the interruption.
The cosplayer then throws the bible, which hits the demon in the middle of the forehead, and then follows up with a jumble of, what sounds like, anime Latin. Seokjin doesn’t give a single flying fuck because that is so hot. The demon disappears with a puff of smoke and some residue sulfur, but Seokjin doesn’t pay that any mid since all he cares about is kissing Jungkook some more.
…
Meanwhile, while covered in glitter and wearing a sparkly tutu on its head, the pilfered Jesus statue winks at an amazed Namjoon. It knows that true love achievement has been unlocked.