Work Text:
Ten couldn’t remember the last time he slept, and that was probably bad, but he had just been so busy lately, that it had slipped his mind.
He probably hadn’t eaten in what? 24? 48? hours, but that was fine, he had gone without for even longer before. And besides, he just had a couple of hours of practice left before he would call it quits.
Being put in a supergroup with six other extremely talented people, and being expected to perform at 100% straight from the beginning was terrifying. And those expectations kept getting higher with every new schedule, with every new television appearance. Even on that frankly ridiculous Nickelodeon show, they had been expected to perform better than ever before.
And despite being told constantly that he was the “best of the best” and one of the best dancers in the industry, Ten felt the overwhelming urge that he wasn’t doing enough. That he wasn’t enough. That he needed to be better, to do better. He would rewatch their performances late at night, his phone the sole source of light in the room, and he would note every single mistake he made.
An untucked elbow there, a sloppy transition there, mistakes everywhere. He was surprised fewer people had caught on to it, but he guessed he should be grateful for that. The longer the rest of the group, and inevitably the fans and the company, took to notice his mistakes, the longer he had to fix them.
Maybe, just maybe, if he kept practicing he would be just good enough to stay in the group. And it wasn’t just dancing he practiced, but he also made sure that when he crawled home every night past 2, 3 in the morning, he practiced his English. Even if it meant bags under his eyes that he would have to slather on concealer to cover every morning, Ten would ensure that he was doing everything in his power to keep his place in this group.
And so, here he was, rehearsing his part in Jopping just one more time. After group practice, he had said he was going to stay behind to practice a bit longer.
“Again Ten? Isn’t this the third time this week?” Baekhyun had asked, concern leaking into his voice. But Ten had reassured him that he was fine, and that he would be home later.
He didn’t mention that every night he left their house to go practice again once everyone was asleep, figuring that it didn’t really matter. What’s a couple of extra practices here and there, when they would make him better in the long run? Even if he didn’t get to stay in SuperM, at the very least these practices would help him out as WayV’s center.
Assuming they didn’t switch Lucas to center, because, really, he was better than Ten.
He had fallen several times already tonight, which seemed to just resolidify the fact in his mind that Ten wasn’t worthy of being main dancer. His knee ached like crazy, which it only did after long concerts or when he overworked himself, but he pushed the throbbing pain to the back of his mind to focus on what was important.
Becoming someone worthy of SuperM.
At some point, the song had finally finished, and Ten stood in the middle of the practice room, panting. He tried to catch his breath, and all of a sudden, his legs seemed to fold in on themselves as he fell to the floor. At this point, the pain in his knee was like fire, running up his leg. Ten almost let out a pathetic whimper at the pain, and maybe he did, but he wasn’t too sure.
Water. He just needed some water. Then he would be fine. He tried to pull himself up on his shaky legs, but his brain decided that that was a Very Bad Idea. Taking in a shaky breath, Ten half crawled to the mirrored wall where his bag rested.
By the time he made it there, after what felt like hours, but had probably only been a couple of minutes at most, he propped himself up against the wall. His water bottle, thankfully, wasn’t in his bag but was resting against the mirrored wall next to him.
Ten grabbed it and took a long, grateful drag from it. The water felt amazing to the sandpaper that was his throat, but it rested heavily in his stomach. Ten wanted to take another sip from it, but he felt the open bottle slipping from his fingers as his eyes begin drooping. He felt the water splash on his sweatpants, but he couldn’t care less about them if he was being honest.
For a moment, he thought he heard ringing coming from across the room where his bag was. But Ten ignored it as his eyes fell closed.
It would be okay if he took a little nap.
Right?
---
Waking up at one in the morning to Lucas frantically shaking his shoulder wasn’t how Baekhyun had expected to spend his day off, but the joys of being the leader, he supposed. Still, just because he was a leader didn’t mean he was fully coherent at one in the morning. It took him more than a few moments to rationalize what Lucas was saying, though once he did, his tired eyes widened.
“Wait, wait, slow down. Ten is missing you said??” Lucas seemed near tears at this point, and his Cantonese accent was showing heavily because of his panic.
“Yes hyung! I couldn’t sleep so I went to Ten-hyung’s room, but his bed was empty. And the bedsheets weren’t even messed up, it’s like he was never there,” Lucas said quickly, hands flailing in his panic.
“Okay, okay, calm down first,” Baekhyun said. “Take a couple of deep breaths, that’s it,” he encouraged. Once Lucas’ breathing seemed mostly normal, Baekhyun decided it was time to be proactive. “So, if Ten wasn’t in his bed, did you check the others’ rooms? Maybe he fell asleep with one of them? Or maybe the living room sofa?” And honestly, it wasn’t such a far-fetched suggestion. Ten had a habit of falling asleep by accident, and most of the time, they just left him where he was instead of waking him up.
“I already checked, he’s not in anyone’s room. Hyung, I don’t think he’s in the house!” Lucas said, and Baekhyun quickly brought up his hands in a placating manner. The last thing he needed right now was a panicking maknae while one of their members was potentially missing.
“Have you tried calling him? I know it’s not like him, but he knows English, so maybe he went out for some snacks or something?” Baekhyun suggested, though the idea sounded absurd even to him. Despite being nearly fluent, Ten still wasn’t confident enough in his English skills to just go out without at least telling one of them.
But still, it seemed to make Lucas happy, and honestly, calling him was probably the best thing to do in this situation anyway. Baekhyun gently moved Lucas to the side so he could reach his nightstand and picked up his phone. The numbers 1:38 glared at him, just another reminder of how late it was. He sighed as he went through his contacts until he found Ten’s American number.
He held the phone up to his ear, looking up at Lucas who was quietly fidgeting with the hem of his t-shirt. Ten always picked up right away, but this time the ringing kept going, and after maybe nine rings the phone switched to the automatic voicemail since Ten had never changed it from the default because honestly who did these days?
Baekhyun stared at his contacts screen. Maybe Ten was just in the bathroom? But even then he probably would’ve texted Baekhyun, since they all knew safety was a number one priority here in America.
“He didn’t answer? That’s bad,” said Lucas, and honestly, Baekhyun couldn’t think of a way to console Lucas because he was right. One of their members was now apparently missing. Ten had eaten dinner with them, but he had disappeared again after that, so there was a low chance anyone would know where he was. Still… maybe it would help if he woke up the other members.
“Lucas, you go wake up Mark and Jongin, I’ll go wake up Taeyong and Taemin. We’ll meet up in the living room and discuss what to do okay? It’s probably nothing bad, okay, so don’t worry,” Baekhyun said, and while he was trying to be comforting, he could hear his own anxiety in his words.
But still, Lucas nodded rapidly and headed off in the direction of Mark’s room while Baekhyun headed over to Taeyong’s.
Within minutes, they were all scattered around in the living room in various states of dress, but they were all alert.
“Baekhyun-hyung? Is Ten really missing?” Mark asked, and his voice trembled. Mark and Ten had gotten incredibly close during their time in America, maybe even closer than how Lucas and Ten were. The two often enjoyed late-night talks where Ten could practice his English and Mark could speak without having to worry about translating for a bit.
Taeyong wrapped an arm around Mark, who sunk into the embrace.
“He is,” Baekhyun confirmed, “but don’t worry, we’re going to find him. First course of action, anyone have any idea of where he’d be?”
They were quiet for a moment, thinking before Taemin spoke up.
“Maybe this is farfetched, but he could be in the practice room still? Maybe he just fell asleep there?”
“I mean maybe, but when would he have left?” asked Taeyong. “He was here for dinner, and then he said he was going to sleep right after.”
This made them all pause. Jongin said what everyone was thinking.
“Except he didn’t go to sleep. He went to practice,” he stated. “And now he isn’t answering his phone…” he trailed off.
“Shit,” Mark said in English, and for once, none of the hyungs called him out for his language. It seemed like the only appropriate response to this situation.
“Okay here’s what we’re going to do!” announced Baekhyun. He tried to give his voice an authoritative edge, to make it seem like he knew what he was doing even though he was secretly terrified. “I’ll go with Taeyong and Taemin to the practice room and see if Ten’s there. The rest of you will stay here just in case he comes back while we’re gone. If he isn’t there, we’ll call you guys and figure out what to do from there. Sound good?”
There were sounds of affirmation and Baekhyun grabbed his phone, leaving the room as Taeyong and Taemin followed.
As the trio slipped on their shoes and headed out the door, Baekhyun could tell that they were all thinking the same thing.
Was Ten okay?
---
The throbbing pain in Ten’s head would not go away, no matter how hard he urged it to. It also wasn’t helped by the tapping on his cheeks. He tried to turn his head the other way, but it seemed as though his body wouldn’t cooperate.
He tried to scrunch his face, as though it would help deter the tapping because god it was annoying, but that just seemed to make it more persistent. It took Ten a while, but he realized that the tapping must’ve come from a person since there seemed to be voices in the air.
Either that, or he had left the music going while he napped because honestly, it wasn’t the first time he had done that. But the voices didn’t have any sort of consistent rhythm, and there wasn't the thrumming instrumental that he knew his practice music had.
“Come on Tennie, open your eyes for hyung.”
Who’s voice was that? Ten wanted to open his eyes as they had asked, but they just felt so heavy. But the voice kept repeating itself, and the tapping had somehow become even more annoying, and honestly, everything was telling him to, so shouldn’t he open his eyes?
He slowly forced his eyes open for a second, before slamming them shut again, because bright. The lights in the room seemed to burn at his eyes, and he could practically feel it behind his eyelids. The voice seemed to say something to presumably another person, but it sounded too faraway for Ten to clearly make it out any words. But then suddenly the brightness against his eyelids lowered considerably.
“Okay Tennie, the lights are dimmed, you can open your eyes now.”
Ten braced himself for the assault of light again, but this time when he opened his eyes, there was only a slight glow. He blinked his eyes a few times to get adjusted before trying to recognize his surroundings. The dance room’s familiar four walls came into focus, but why was he here?
“Hey, Ten, how are you?” He heard the same voice again, and this time he recognized it as Baekhyun’s voice. The voice came from above him, and upon another moment of consideration, Ten realized he must be lying on Baekhyun’s legs.
He tried to say something along the lines of being fine, but when he opened his mouth, all that seemed to come out was a groan. The dryness in his throat suddenly made itself present, and Ten coughs deeply. Baekhyun’s hand gently rubs his shoulder, both soothing him and pushing him back down on his lap.
Someone handed Baekhyun Ten’s water bottle, and out of the corner of his eye, Ten can recognize the blur of purple hair. This meant that Taeyong was also there to see him be a failure, great.
Baekhyun gently props Ten up against his chest and puts the mouth of the bottle against Ten’s mouth. “Small, slow sips,” he reminds Ten, and Ten knows that that’s important information, though he wasn’t completely sure why at the moment. He takes the smallest sips, just enough to soothe his throat, and suddenly the water becomes the most amazing, glorious thing to ever exist.
He’s only allowed a couple of more sips, however, before the bottle is pulled away from him. Ten hears a low whine, and he’s embarrassed when he realizes he made the sound, but the water had been so nice.
“Sorry Ten, but we can’t have you throwing up, okay? You can have a bit more in a minute.” And the promise of more water is enough to placate Ten, so he lets himself relax slightly into Baekhyun’s chest.
He’s still fairly out of it, so he doesn’t really comprehend the conversation that’s happening above his head, even though he now can hear it clearly.
“Hyung, what should we do?” And that’s a voice that sounds like Taemin’s, though he sounds more worried than Ten has ever heard him be. Anxiety knots in his stomach, knowing that he had caused that worry, but he tries to quell it down.
“I’m not sure.” Ten hears Baekhyun admit. “I think we should take him back to the dorm, and call the doctor there.”
“That sounds smart,” Taeyong says. “I think we have one of those Gatorade drinks in the fridge here, they should help with his electrolytes.”
“Wouldn’t it be too sweet for him, especially…” Taemin says, but Ten doesn’t hear the rest of his statement as his mind begins to drift off. All Ten had wanted to do was make himself useful to the group, but now all he was doing was causing problems for everyone. They were going to call a doctor and for what? Because he couldn’t even do practicing right, like the pathetic person he was.
Ten hadn’t even realized he had started crying until Baekhyun’s voice interrupted his reverie. “Ten? Tennie, why are you crying? Please don’t cry,” Baekhyun pleaded, and then his hand was on Ten’s face, gently wiping away his tears.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he choked out, his voice raspy from lack of water, and he kept trying to make himself stop crying because it was upsetting the others, but he couldn’t. Why was everything so hard right now?
“Shh, you’re okay,” Baekhyun said, and then Baekhyun’s arms were gently wrapping around Ten, pulling him close. Baekhyun held him close, whispering soothing words in his ear, and Ten tried his best to follow along. He took a deep breath when Baekhyun asked, and while it hurt his chest a bit, he found himself feeling the tiniest bit better.
Taemin was suddenly crouched in front of Ten, and he gently held an open bottle of Gatorade to Ten’s mouth, helping him take a few sips. The tangy taste of Gatorade wasn’t one of Ten’s favorites, but he wasn’t about to complain.
Once Taemin took away the bottle, he screwed on the lid before standing up once again.
“So how are we getting Ten to the car?” Taemin asked. Ten had to wonder for a minute who had driven, but then he remembered that everyone but him, Taeyong, and Mark had international driving licenses.
“I can carry him,” Baekhyun said, and then Ten was being addressed. “Ten, I’m going to lift you to take you the car okay? Just let me know if you feel like you’re going to throw up, alright.” He spoke slowly to Ten, and while Ten usually hated that, the Korean part of his brain wasn’t working so well right now, so it was very appreciated.
He nodded slowly, as to not make himself dizzier before Baekhyun carefully rearranged Ten in his arms and pushing them both off the ground. Taeyong was there to help steady them, and they began walking towards the exit, Ten in Baekhyun’s arms bridal-style. He let his head loll on Baekhyun’s chest, his heartbeat a comforting sound to Ten. He didn’t fall back asleep, but he let his eyes fall closed, trusting Baekhyun.
He shivered slightly when they were exposed to cold night air, and he heard Taeyong swear quietly, saying something about “forgetting his jacket.” Thankfully, they weren’t in the cold for long, and soon Ten was being gently placed into the backseat of a car. He frowned slightly at the loss of Baekhyun’s body heat, but he was soon pulled into Taemin’s arms, with Taeyong taking the other seat next to him and Baekhyun driving.
The drive was quiet, the only sounds coming from Taemin and Taeyong coaxing Ten into taking a sip from either the water bottle or the Gatorade. Ten turned down the Gatorade after the second time, however, the sweet taste lingering in his mouth unpleasantly and making his stomach turn. Neither of his hyungs pushed on the issue, thankfully, and just offered him water instead.
When they got to the villa, Baekhyun parked their car behind a white car Ten had never seen before, but judging by the lack of reaction from any of his hyungs, he figured they knew who it was. Taeyong got out of the car first, but Baekhyun quickly took his place to help Ten out of the car. Taeyong grabbed Ten’s practice bag–when he had grabbed that, Ten had no idea–and walked ahead of them. Taemin stayed behind for a minute, presumably to lock up the car, before following.
When Baekhyun carried Ten into the living room, Ten could see the rest of the SuperM members sitting around the sofa, and one unknown person who was presumably the doctor they had mentioned earlier. Ten noticed how all the members, including Baekhyun, Taemin, and Taeyong, were still in their sleepwear, and how they all looked exhausted yet worried.
Ten felt horrible for causing them all to worry like that. He had meant to help SuperM, be a necessary member rather than become a hindrance.
Guilt churned in his stomach as Baekhyun gently sat him on the couch, several cushions placed around him. He could only hope that the incoming lecture wouldn’t be too long.
Ten just wanted a nap now.
---
“So, how bad was it really?” Jongin asked Baekhyun as the two lounged on the sofa in Ten’s room.
The doctor had said Ten’s collapse was due to both exhaustion and dehydration, most likely due to overworking. They had given some suggestions to treatment, but since Ten hadn’t thrown up the Gatorade, that thankfully meant an IV–and therefore a hospital visit–wasn’t needed.
Thank goodness for small mercies, Baekhyun supposed.
Soon after the doctor had left, Ten had fallen asleep. Baekhyun and Jongin offered to watch him while the others rested. Taemin had fallen asleep on the sofa, and Lucas had fallen asleep alongside him, his head resting in Taemin’s lap. Taeyong had thankfully been able to make Mark sleep; the two of them were probably cuddling right now if Baekhyun was being honest. He hadn’t heard any cooking sounds from the kitchen, so it was a safe bet that Taeyong had actually fallen asleep.
Baekhyun, however, was a different story. He couldn’t sleep, and while he knew how hypocritical he was being, he had to know Ten was going to be okay before he could rest. Jongin had apparently drunk three cups of coffee while the rest of them had been gone, so here they were, sitting vigil by Ten’s bedside.
But Jongin’s question made him pause. The moment he had seen Ten lying on the cold dance floor, panic had been the first thought on his mind. However, leader mode quickly took over and he was able to properly handle the situation. But, now, when it was just him and Jongin, Baekhyun could afford to be more vulnerable.
“It was terrifying,” he admitted. “I always knew Ten was the smallest member, but he looked… so fragile lying on the floor. And the first words that came out of his mouth were apologies. I just wanted to hug him and never let go, to be honest. I just wanted him to know it’d all be okay.”
Jongin patted his shoulder sympathetically, and while the action may seem condescending to an outsider, Baekhyun appreciated the grounding gesture.
“You know, just because you’re the leader doesn’t mean you have to put up this front. It’s okay, I know it was scary at the moment, but now Ten is okay. Though his apologizing worries me... “
“Who collapses and then immediately apologizes upon waking up? It’s as if he thought he was some sort of inconvenience or something,” Baekhyun asked incredulously. “It makes me wonder what he thinks of himself,” he added grimly.
“I wish I could disagree with you, and say you’re worrying about nothing. But I think that maybe, the reason he worked himself so hard, to the point of collapse, was because he felt like a burden on the group. He’s wrong, obviously, but you know how people end up thinking with us,” Jongin said bitterly.
Even without Jongin saying it explicitly, Baekhyun knew what he meant. They were in an industry that valued being the best of the best, and Ten had always been that when it came to his own groups. However, he knew the younger dealt with self-confidence issues and being placed in a group where your everything wasn’t enough at times, it made some sort of twisted sense that he had ended up in this sense. That didn’t mean Baekhyun had to like it though.
“Well, once he wakes up, we’ll just have to help him out,” Baekhyun said determinedly, secretly hoping it would be enough.
It would have to be enough.
---
“How are you feeling Ten?”
Sitting at the kitchen counter, Ten groaned internally at the question. While he appreciated and understood the question, this had been the fifth time he had been asked that since he had woken up an hour ago. However, he knew Taemin wouldn’t know that, and his hyung seemed so sincere, and Ten didn’t want to make him worry, so he would answer the question once again.
“I’m doing fine Taemin-hyung, thanks for asking,” he said. “Sorry for worrying you,” he added at the last minute. Taemin’s brow furrowed slightly at that, but he didn’t say anything as he slid into the chair next to Ten.
“Well, that’s good. How’s your rice?” he asked, nodding at the bowl in front of Ten. Taeyong had said he couldn’t have any heavy food for a few more hours, so he had been presented with some tea and plain rice.
Ten laughed lightly, “It’s about as good as plain rice gets.”
“Well, that’s what happens when you practice too much. Speaking of which, I wanted to talk to you about that,” Taemin said, his voice taking on a serious tone.
Ten frowned at this, staring at his rice. When he had woken up with Baekhyun and Jongin sitting by him, he had been expecting some sort of lecture, but they had just fussed over him before telling him to go get food. Well, they probably didn’t have time to be lecturing Ten about his mistakes, Ten supposed, especially since Baekhyun was the leader.
“What about it, hyung?” Ten asked.
“When I debuted with Shinee, I remember how I was considered by everyone to be the best dancer in SM at the time,” Taemin began, and Ten was confused. This didn’t sound like a lecture, but he chose not to interrupt.
“Both the fans and the company had this huge expectation for me to be an amazing dancer. Even my members held me to a high standard. And I started getting afraid of my position in Shinee, thinking that if I wasn’t dancing my absolute best every single time, I would get kicked out of the group.” And suddenly, this story was sounding hauntingly familiar to Ten. At this point, he had stopped eating his rice and was just picking at the bowl’s contents with his chopsticks.
“I would spend all my time practicing, figuring that if I practiced enough, I wouldn’t ever have to leave. Well, thankfully my hyungs had noticed what I was doing at the time and stopped me before I could do anything dangerous. It took time, but they convinced me that my position in Shinee was my position and not one that someone could take from me. Do you understand what I’m saying,” and all Ten could do was shake his head as he wrapped his head around Taemin’s words. Taemin felt like he wasn’t good enough for Shinee? But he was literally the best dancer in the industry, hands down, and everyone said so.
“Ten, us hyungs were too late when it came to you. We didn’t notice you struggling, and you had to suffer for it. I promise you, whatever mistakes you see, they’re not real. Trust me when I say that you are more than enough to be here, and your place in SuperM is not going away.”
And Taemin sounded so sure, it was hard not to believe him. However, Ten’s doubts were silenced momentarily when Taemin wrapped his arms around Ten, gently hugging him.
Ten carefully returned the hug, appreciating the warm embrace of his hyung. He felt safe in Taemin’s hold, felt protected. Just for a moment, it felt as though all his worries had faded into the air.
“Thank you hyung,” Ten said, choking on his words.
“Just remember, you’re never alone Ten. You always have us,” Taemin said.
Taemin pulled away from the hug and got up from his stool. He playfully ruffled Ten’s hair.
“Now, finish your rice and come to the living room. Lucas and Mark have been waiting to watch a movie with you,” he said.
Placing another bite of rice in his mouth, Ten smiled.
Maybe not today, but one day, he would be okay.
And he knew he’d have everyone in this house with him on that day.