Chapter Text
they were nineteen. pink cheeked, langly limbed, faces not grown into their noses and ears yet. the music blared too loud, the party took life around them. teens tangled up on the dancefloor, couples making out clogged up the narrow hallways and onlookers littered the staircase, leaning over the handrail with beer bottles in hand.
jeongguk doesn't remember who was hosting the party they were at. there have been too many of them in the past few weeks. he has given up on keeping count. it doesn't matter whose house was getting trashed, people from school would flock at the first opportunity to loosen up and knockback free alcohol.
he didn't want to be here. just like all the other times. but taehyung. taehyung and his big eyes and his pouty mouth and jeongguk's insanely huge crush on taehyung. it was partly his own fault. taehyung would say the word and jeongguk was weak. he would try to resist taehyung's charms but the boy was his best friend, he knew all of jeongguk's weak spots and went straight for them. if only he knew, the biggest one of them all was the boy himself.
jeongguk wants to dip. the party is a replica of the ones they have been to in the past. it's all the same shit. their schoolmates drunk off their asses, couples being wildly affectionate under the thin guise of the dim lights and then there's the other thing.
taehyung drags him up the stairs by his wrist and despite knowing what's coming, jeongguk lets him. he's done this before. he reminds himself. it will be fine. upstairs inside a room taehyung leads him into, the music is muted as the door shuts behind them. taehyung abruptly burps and bursts into giggles. puts a hand to his mouth, his boxy smile peeking out from between the gaps in his fingers. jeongguk's always loved his larger than life smile.
"oops." taehyung slurs.
his hair is sticking up in all directions. jeongguk knows it is a result of jimin's fingers. he knows because he saw them on the dancefloor, close. too close. it is hard to shake off the bitter, thorny feeling tightening and scratching away at him. he clears his throat. directs a slowly growing smile at taehyung, "i think you've had one too many." gently grabs taehyung's arm and somehow despite the other childishly digging his heels into the floor, deposits him onto the bed. it doesn't look like anyone's been in there before them so he figures the bed is clean enough to lay on.
taehyung falls backwards from his sitting position, his calves hanging off the edge. his hair puffs up above and around his head. the apples of his cheeks become prominent as he grins widely, "lay with me, gukkie." he whines.
jeongguk almost chokes but complies and lays down next to his friend, keeping distance between their bodies. it's in vain though. taehyung props up his head on his elbow and lays on his side, looking straight at jeongguk. even under the influence, taehyung looks every bit the lovely boy jeongguk fell in love with. maybe that is part of the reason jeongguk has a hard time denying him.
"what?" jeongguk asks, voice laced with laughter.
"nothing." taehyung replies, "like looking at you."
jeongguk's heart almost falls out of his chest. grab a hold of yourself . he reminds himself. he doesn't mean it.
"you didn't have me to get me alone just to ogle me." jeongguk rolls his eyes, keeping up the pretence of annoyed best friend. "stop checking me out, creepy eyes."
"can't help it. you're so beautiful." taehyung mutters. jeongguk's heart pounds.
jeongguk doesn't dare follow taehyung's gaze which suspiciously seems to be trained below his nose. it has to be his chin. jeongguk convinces himself so. taehyung is drunk. he doesn't know what his bleary eyes are focusing on.
jeongguk shakes off the effect the other boy has on him and manoeuvres taehyung onto his back. taehyung's eyes follow jeongguk's movements silently as he pulls out the t-shirt tucked into taehyung's jeans to make him more comfortable. his fingers softly brush over the exposed skin of knee through the rips in his jeans and jeongguk doesn't notice the shiver that runs up taehyung's spine. jeongguk slowly unties the knots of both of taehyung's converses and takes them off. taehyung quietly stares at the ceiling, wiggling his socked toes when the shoes come off.
"there, better now?" jeongguk looks up at him. he gives taehyung a soft look, kneeling on one knee on the carpeted floor.
taehyung raises his head, nods at jeongguk and lays back down. a moment passes. "do you not believe me?"
i wish i could afford to believe the words you say.
"have i ever doubted you, oh best friend of mine?" jeongguk forces out a snicker. figures taehyung probably won't be able to tell the difference in his current state.
"gukkie, im serious. you're one of the most beautiful people i've seen." taehyung says with a firm look in his eyes.
at the unexpected compliment, jeongguk feels like there's something the size of a golf ball stuck in his throat.
" one of them ?" he jokes instead. "my competitors got nothing on this." he gets to his feet and jokingly flexes his arm causing his biceps to bulge.
jeongguk notices a faint pink colour dusting taehyung's cheeks but writes it off to his tipsiness. "show off." taehyung mutters, his eyes are averted.
it is like something out of one of jeongguk's dreams. taehyung, him and a room to themselves. taehyung laying on the bed the way he is, with his dishevelled appearance and ripped jeans showcasing the golden skin of his thighs, it's all very tempting. and very dangerous - both for their friendship and jeongguk's heart.
jeongguk slowly takes a step backwards in the direction of the door. thoughts in his head running wild. he musters up the courage to look up from his thighs to his face only to find taehyung's eyes already locked onto his. jeongguk gulps. "i'm gonna get you some water. you need to sober up before i drive you home."
taehyung doesn't respond, just watches as jeongguk walks out and pulls the door close behind him. jeongguk sighs, leaning against the door.
taehyung has developed a habit of saying the most flirtatious things to jeongguk when he's drunk. it shouldn't be a problem. friends flirt all the time. it can be passed for platonic flirting. it wouldn't matter except jeongguk wasn completely head over heels for taehyung like a fool. it doesn't help that taehyung is just so sweet and constantly sings praises of him. makes him feel like the only boy in the world.
but jeongguk is probably biased. his feelings are clouding his judgement. he remembers jimin. sweet, angelic jimin. jimin, who is perfect. jimin, who was probably made for taehyung. jimin, who had his arms slipped around taehyung's neck all night, his lips trailing down taehyung's throat, his fingers playing with taehyung's locks.
taehyung has jimin.
and all jeongguk has are taehyung's pretty words.
jeongguk wishes taehyung was sober.
⋆⋆⋆
jeongguk has just finished doing the inventory in the back and making his way to the front of the store to man the cashier when his phone beeps. it's a text from taehyung, he can tell by the custom ringtone. unaware of the smile that blooms immediately, he digs into his jeans pocket and fishes out his phone. with his eyes trained on the screen, he takes his place at the counter. he doesn't have to worry much about customers at this time of the day so he allows himself to check what taehyung's upto.
taehyungie, 5:47:
pspspsps guk
gukkieee is ur shift over yet
helloooo ?? >:(
you, 5:47:
all of that in the same min. ur so impatient
and not yet got a few more mins until i clock out :((
taehyungie, 5:49:
idk what u mean u take ages to text back
jeongguk rolls his eyes at that. if one of them was to blame for ghosting, it was taehyung. ever the easiest to get distracted and forget to reply. many times in the past, jeongguk has gotten a reply hours after sending a text just to be told that one of taehyung's hobbies had him too engrossed to even check his phone.
taehyungie, 5:49:
so :D ok listen to me. ik you need to pencil it into ur calender days and need days in advance to prepare but please hear me out :D
you, 5:49:
tae...
taehyungie, 5:49:
im craving ice cream
can we please satisfy the beast?
you, 5:49:
beg some more :)
taehyungie, 5:49:
you're so annoying.
pretty please ??
you, 5:50:
ok fine
lets put the beast to sleep
taehyungie, 5:49:
ass. come out soon before i melt and form the worlds first human puddle!!
jeongguk eyebrows raise at that and he looks up to glance out of the big window beside the cashier. there he is. taehyung is leaning by a lamp post right outside the storefront. doing something so mundane, he still manages to look like he's posing for instagram. his fingers move rapidly across the screen as he's occupied with his phone. probably texting somebody. his outfit is simple, consisting of a loose blouse tucked into the front of his pants. jeongguk looks down at what he's wearing: a black t-shirt on top of black jeans. choosing to brighten up his dark palette, he grabs the white flannel he had forgotten in the break room the other day and puts it on. it's warm outside but he doesn't want to appear like the modern day grim reaper besides taehyung.
he clocks out when soohyun arrives to take over. bidding her goodbye, he exits with his hands tucked into his front pockets. taehyung immediately looks up and pockets his phone upon hearing the chime as the door closed behind jeongguk. taehyung grins and bounds towards jeongguk. as the other closes the distance, jeongguk's own smile grows seeing the excitement on taehyung's face.
"hi!" taehyung crowds jeongguk, loses his balance and tips forwards, heading for jeongguk's chest but the older quickly halts him by pressing his index finger on taehyung's forehead and pushes him back.
an amused laugh escapes jeongguk. "careful there. wouldn't want your splattered remains to tarnish this beautiful pavement."
taehyung rolls his eyes and pulls his elbow out of jeongguk's light grasp. "ha. ha. if anything, i would be transforming it into the walk of fame. you know why?"
taehyung breaks into a slow jog gaining a few steps on jeongguk and then spins on his feet, jogging backwards only to wink at the older and say, "because i'm a star, baby!"
and taehyung is not wrong. he is a star. jeongguk's star. the one jeongguk turns to when he's down, the one who guides him out of the darkness, the one who burns and burns and burns if only it means the ones he loves can bask in the glow.
taehyung's a star. one out of reach of jeongguk.
jeongguk can only stare, rooted to the spot as taehyung quickly jogs to his car and rounds to the driver's seat. taehyung glances back and finds jeongguk unmoving. "come on, slowpoke! what are you looking at?"
you, always you. he thinks but doesn't say.
he joins taehyung's in the car and they fight over the aux cord. jeongguk wins so they spend the car ride nodding their heads to pop songs and screaming the choruses unnecessarily loud and drowning out taehyung's shitty speakers. taehyung taps his fingers on the steering wheel, managing to serenade jeongguk with dramatic lyrics and also somehow not crash his beat down second hand car. they are carefree, the warm breeze coming in from the rolled down windows ruffling their hair and the sweetness of making another memory taking over them. it's everything jeongguk is going to miss when they go off their separate ways once break ends. who knows how long it will be until the next time they would share a ride or even see each other in person. he shakes off the invasive thoughts creeping in and refuses to indulge in them.
he is going to have a good time with taehyung. hopefully enough to fill up for the taehyung shaped void that will inevitably be left in him.
⋆
jeongguk revels in the sound of taehyung's laughter, feels the warmth seep deep within the crevices of his heart. he watches taehyung put an end to his laughing fit, a few giggles escape nevertheless. he's fond. fond. fond.
"it wasn't even that funny." jeongguk says, thoroughly amused at taehyung's unexpectedly loud reaction.
taehyung sniffs, clears his throat. looks at jeongguk with laughter still pulling at the edges of his mouth, "it was so fucking bad that it was funny. have you considered becoming a comedian?"
before jeongguk can deny - no, contrary to his amazing ability to make people laugh, that is not a career he would choose for himself, taehyung rocks forward on his feet and bursts into another round of laughter. "because you shouldn't . oh god, i have tears in my eyes, gukkie, what have you done. you made me cry."
jeongguk snorts and rolls his eyes, "shut the fuck up. it isn't even my joke. i got it off twitter."
taehyung shakes his head and wipes his eyes, "so you don't just have a bad sense of humor, it's stolen too."
" bad sense of humor?" jeongguk asks incredulously, "says the one completely losing his shit."
jeongguk expects taehyung to quickly retort wittily but something behind jeongguk seems to have caught his attention. his gaze is softer now that it is settled on his subject of interest. all the previous humor seems to have slowly vanished from his face as he continues to have his gaze locked beyond jeongguk.
jeongguk feels trapped. it feels like he has inhaled cigarette smoke, feels it forcibly make his way into his lungs and blacken his insides. before jeongguk can confirm his suspicions, he already knows. taehyung's mannerisms speak the words his mouth doesn't. the mellow look taehyung has adopted, his subtle fingers pulling at his blouse to frame his torso the right way, his fingers quickly raking through his hair to push the strands back. jeongguk can only watch and put bricks upon each other around his heart. taehyung jostles, like he has just come to a realisation and zones in, directs his frantic gaze at jeongguk.
"jeongguk! is my breath okay?" he asks but tests it on his own palm and nods to himself. taehyung wipes his palms on his pants. jeongguk hasn't seen him nervous like this since middle school. "jimin's here."
there it is. like tetris, another brick falls into place.
taehyung looks back at jeongguk, picking up on the silence. "you don't mind, right?" his brows furrow, worriedly. "'m sorry for not mentioning that. are you mad?"
jeongguk locks away his heart behind the wall he's constructed. musters up a smile and chuckles, "no, of course not. your friends are my friends. though, from what i saw at the party -- jimin's not just a friend, huh?" jeongguk hides behind a smirk.
taehyung's eyes widen. like he wasn't aware jeongguk saw them. but how could he have not, the two of them were in plain view. "oh my god, shut up." he hisses . " don't say anything. "
"don't worry, i won't--" jeongguk grins, "say much."
jeongguk looks back and it's easy to spot jimin among the crowd heading their way. clad in his yellow flannel over a white t-shirt, his outfit is bright enough to single him out. jimin's blond hair flops as he bounces on his feet when he spots them by the plaza entrance and waves with a big toothy smile. as he comes closer, the similarity in their outfits becomes apparent. jimin's yellow flannel to jeongguk's identical white one. even on a level playing field, jimin does it better. jeongguk's heart sinks. it is difficult to admit about the boy who's left taehyung googly eyed but, jimin absolutely rocks the casual look. he looks like he was pulled out of the front page of a fashion magazine. like he is not just walking across the cracked grey pavement to reach them but instead strutting down a runway. a dull ache, one he's used to, settles in his chest. why would taehyung ever choose him. he's not even half as pretty as jimin.
jimin joins them and excitedly greets them. "hi guys!" jeongguk notices that his eyes smile before his mouth does. it's cute.
taehyung lets out a choked sound and snickers, "look at the two of you." his gaze softens and travels between jimin and jeongguk. "my sun and moon."
jimin as the sun. jeongguk, the moon. jeongguk knows it’s harmless, something said in passing but he can’t help but compare himself to jimin. the sun who shines so bright and so warm. and the moon who’s nothing on it’s own. he can hear his heart crack.
jeongguk turns to him then. but taehyung is looking at jimin. his gaze is fond. taehyung’s rosebud mouth is blooming into his jimin smile. the crack in his heart travels deeper.
⋆⋆⋆
jeongguk makes faces at himself in the screen as he waits for taehyung to pickup the call. the constant ringing dissolves into a series of beeps and FaceTime Unavailable reads on his phone screen. jeongguk's brows furrow. taehyung rejected his call.
taehyung doesnt give him much time to wonder. a moment a later a notification banner pops up on the top of the screen. it's a text from taehyung. jeongguk could ignore him. just like he was right now. but a part of him wants to know why taehyung declined his call when he almost never does. he wills himself to press on the notification and is led to the messaging app.
taehyungie, 4:15:
sorry hyungie! kinda busy rn,, im out with jimin :D
jeongguks’s heart sinks. but he should have seen it coming. really, jeongguk was the only fool here. still having the slightest hope that there was a space for him in taehyung’s heart. romantically that is. of course to the younger, jeongguk would remain as the slightly older, maybe annoying best friend he grew up with. and jimin would bloom like a flower bud in spring with all the affection and care from one tall and gentle boy who would never reciprocate jeongguk's heart.
jeongguk notices how taehyung has been spending more and time with jimin lately. he would often be shot down with some or the other excuse about how he was sorry but busy to entertain jeongguk at that moment. his rejections went from ' sorry hyung, im with jimin!' to shorter and shorter ones like ' with jimin rn!' with time .
jeongguk resented himself for even noticing the slight change in taehyung's responses. to him it almost felt like it did not matter to taehyung that he was increasingly seeing jeongguk for lesser and lesser time each week. like it did not occur to taehyung that it was their last summer together. but jeongguk shook himself and kept his head on straight. taehyung has every right to spend his time however and with whoever he wishes. if the company he desires is not jeongguk's then that is that and jeongguk should probably stop wallowing in his self-made misery like a pathetic idiot.
jeongguk has lived his life with taehyung by his side. he often joked that they were like parallel lines, running the course of life together. alas it did not occur to him that parallel lines were also doomed to be a tragedy. the two lines would go on forever, side by side, never to meet. jeongguk never did claim he was great at math.
⋆⋆⋆
jeongguk feels spooked. he knows its impossible but he suspects taehyung can read minds. ever since jeongguk had a mini breakdown about losing his importance to his own best friend, in the followings days it felt like the universe was trying to tell him something. slowly, jeongguk noticed, taehyung started to show up on his doorstep uninvited and more frequently. he'd walk in with that big grin of his, always some or the other plan brewing in his mind and drag jeongguk out of the house. often times they'd be hanging out by themselves and sometimes some other friends would tag along.
jeongguk wanted to ask him ' what changed? why are you with me and not jimin?' but he was not brave enough to ask or hear the answer so he kept it to himself. he decided to take everything taehyung was offering him with hopes that the younger was not somehow forcing himself to spend time with jeongguk.
they did enjoy all those days they spent together. every hour spent together, jeongguk would keep within his heart. his inner turmoil settled down and a seed of acceptance took root.
he may never get the chance to call taehyung his but he knew one thing for sure and that was that he would always be able to call him his best friend.
with that thought, jeongguk loosens up. there are only a numbered few days remaining until they eventually take flight on their separate paths.
it is why, jeongguk lets it slip that he wouldn't mind officially meeting jimin. to which taehyung immediately frowns because the two have obviously met before and several times at that. jeongguk clarifies, "not as your boyfriend."
the double meaning of what he had said is not lost on him. he almost turns red with the mistaken implication of calling himself taehyung’s boyfriend but stops himself from clarifying and making it weird. taehyung regards him intently and then looks away and fiddles with the rips in his jeans.
"he’s not my boyfriend. you'd want that?"
"of course, tae. i want to meet the person who has stolen your heart."
"hm," taehyung muses, "you did do a bad job of guarding it."
jeongguk does blush then. the implication of even having taehyung's heart in the way he wants has the butterflies in his stomach causing a rampage. of course, taehyung means it platonically. he punches taehyung's arm lightly. "high security costs more than just sweet words. you should've considered not letting me starve. and anyway, you should be thanking me."
"and why should i?" taehyung snorts.
"if it wasn't for me, you probably wouldn't have fallen for jimin."
taehyung gaze softens then. it almost feels like something in the air shifts. he averts his eyes and zones in on the loose threads again. "i guess a thank you is in order." he looks up. his eyes a little dimmed, sad. but that wouldn't make sense. "thank you, gukkie, for letting my heart go."
jeongguk should have caught onto his words. should have asked him, what about you? are you not returning my heart? but again, he silences his thoughts. there is no need for them to be spoken into the world.
their conversation resolves into banter with promises of hanging out with jimin more and that’s just it.
⋆⋆⋆
jeongguk eyes taehyung's swinging feet warily. taehyung is laying sideways on jeongguk's bed on his belly with a comic book balanced on one palm and the other holding up his chin. from where jeongguk's laying down on the floor beside his bed, with every swing, taehyung's legs stop almost a hair's breadth away from jeongguk's very own nose . he turns his gaze back to his graphic novel and tries to focus on the spread when he suddenly spies a flash of movement in his full length mirror that is on the wall in front of him. he sees taehyung's feet aiming straight for him and instinctively swats them away with a scowl, "dude. get your feet out of my face."
taehyung drops the book and glances back, the start of a smile that tells jeongguk he's up to no good tugs at his lips. he's proven right when taehyung turns on his back and begins to coo. he stretches his leg, wiggling his toes beneath jeongguk's nose, almost touching his mouth, "why? are my feet a bother?" he grins, sliding further down the mattress to reach jeongguk who slowly bends back with a grimace to avoid a mouthful of taehyung's toes. "gukkie hyung, where are you going? y'know when you serenaded me with All of Me , that included my feet too. seems like you forgot. no worries though, i can help you get reacquainted with my bitch stompers."
jeongguk first snorts at the use of bitch stompers for feet which is first of all so disrespectful, since it's jeongguk's coined term for his beautiful chunky boot babies and for taehyung to use it for his feet is not something jeongguk agrees with. when taehyung doesn't seem to be letting up, his one eye squinting like stretching his one leg to reach jeongguk requires as much strength as taehyung seems to be exerting, jeongguk says,"put ur ugly ass feet away, you heathen. " then grabs onto taehyung's foot, wrestling it away from his face. "will you stop? jesus."
taehyung wrinkles his nose, his eyes smiling even before his mouth does, "i much prefer taehyung."
"hilarious." jeongguk remarks, blankly and thinks he succeeds in pushing taehyung's feet away but taehyung retracts his leg midway so jeongguk's strength behind the push ends up landing his face in his mattress. he groans and rubs his nose. he doesn't notice taehyung's gaze softening but looks up when the sheets rustle and taehyung moves closer to the edge of the bed. his legs hang over the edges, caging jeongguk in between him. he begins to wonder but in a flash, taehyung leans down and drops a peck on his nose.
he can feel his cheeks heat up and color climbing up his neck but he wills it to go away before taehyung catches on. he knows it's unfruitful when taehyung snickers so he coughs into a balled up fist and looks away. taehyung's fingers find their way into jeongguk's hair and the light scratch of his neatly cut nails against his scalp is so satisfying that jeongguk leans into his touch.
taehyung tips forward and wraps his arms around jeongguk's shoulders. he pulls him into a hug and lays his head on top of jeongguk's. jeongguk thinks he even hears taehyung mumble nom into his hair. "are you sniffing my hair?"
taehyung pauses, mutters a no but jeongguk hears what sounds like a restrained sniffle like taehyung tried with all his might but couldn't let up and giggles, "fuckin' weirdo. i can feel you digging your nose into my scalp."
taehyung grips his hair a little tightly - it doesn't hurt but jeongguk gets the message, shifts so his lips almost touch jeongguk's earlobe and hisses, "not my fault your shampoo is strawberry scented. you know very well i can't control myself around anything strawberry, fucker."
jeongguk hums in response because he's seen taehyung at his best - salivating over strawberries like a normal strawberry loving person, and his worst - contemplating licking a strawberry scented hand cream, just to satisfy the goblin in his brain that goes HMM STRAWBERRY! whenever the berry is concerned.
for whatever reason, taehyung continues to hover near jeongguk's ear, his breath fanning the skin not covered by hair. he gently knocks his head into jeongguk's and stays there.
"i will miss this," he whispers, "i'll miss you."
jeongguk wasn't aware they were going to do this but he should have seen this coming. it has to happen eventually. he has to face the reality of them. he lets a beat pass as the emotions he buried under a hatch threaten to erupt out.
"i'll miss you too." he mutters quietly, feeling like the room has grown multiple times bigger in size. taehyung's arms tighten their hold, squeezing jeongguk. jeongguk never wants to forget what it feels like to be held like this by taehyung, to be sitting in his room alone with taehyung, spending time mindlessly and having their own type of fun. jeongguk circles his fingers around taehyung's wrist and pulls. he turns over taehyung's palm so it faces upwards and stares at it for a second - it almost feels like an out of body experience, before threading his fingers through taehyung's fingers. he doesn't realise he's squeezing his palm until taehyung squeezes back reassuringly. they will be fine. finally, he clears his throat and asks, "have you decided which offer you're gonna accept?"
taehyung shakes his head. "i'm torn between two choices. can't bring myself to decide on one when both of them have great programs."
"well, you still have time, right?" jeongguk asks.
taehyung nods, "yeah, i got till this thursday to sign on it."
"today's just friday. i'm sure you will figure it out during the week." jeongguk squeezes taehyung's shoulder reassuringly.
taehyung's fingers begin moving in his hair again, sifting through the dark strands. "what about you? have you decided which lucky university's hallways you will be gracing?"
jeongguk chuckles and as a habit, rakes his fingers through his fair but his fingers run into taehyung's. taehyung simply tangles their fingers together and brings them up to his mouth. his thumb strokes jeongguk's knuckles and he drops a peck there. he smiles against his fingers then gently and slowly drops jeongguk's hand.
"yeah, i know where i'll be going."
"and? are you not gonna tell me?"
"i want to but..." jeongguk hesitates, "if i speak it into existence it, it will feel more real. and i...i dont know this probably sounds really dumb but the thought of everything changing in a matter of a few weeks is scaring the shit out of me. there's this fear constantly creeping up on me that by leaving everything and everyone behind, i'm signing up for my own doom or something. college is not even that dramatic but y'know - murphy's law."
"anything that can go wrong, will go wrong." taehyung nods, "i didn't know you were dealing with all this on your own, hyung. why didn't you say anything?"
jeongguk shrugs, "i dont know. my mind just wouldn't stop spewing out these terrible scenarios at me like they're ripped out of a bad movie plot and it was a lot. i didn't want to pile all that onto you. i know you have stuff of your own as well."
taehyung then does something that jeongguk would never have seen coming. he bites jeongguk's earlobe. teeth and all. jeongguk yelps and jerks out of taehyung's grip.
"what the fuck?" jeongguk asks shocked and pinches his ear where it stings. taehyung sits up and glares.
"that's for even entertaining the thought that you would be too much. specially to me. i care about you, dumbass. despite whatever shit you are going through, you should damn well know that i will stand with you no matter what." his angry gaze softens and he sighs, a frown forming and his edges of his mouth turning down. "you're my best friend, idiot. and yeah, yeah i'm gonna sound corny as hell but i love you and i'm not going anywhere even through college. you are stuck with me for life and i will always welcome you with open arms."
taehyung reaches out his arm and squeezes jeongguk's shoulder comfortingly. jeongguk places his palm on taehyung's and meets the younger's gaze with mellow eyes. "bro, are we having a heart to heart right now?"
"i think so, bro." taehyung replies with the same intensity. he takes the chance and shoves jeongguk's shoulder when he's least suspecting it. as a result, jeongguk tumbles backwards confused with wide eyes and lands on his back. he leans up on his elbows to look up at taehyung but the younger is already looking his way, amusement in his eyes. "you're such a dick. we were having a moment."
"that's what i said!" jeongguk complains, "besides, you're the one who pushed me. probably bruised my ass, i should be the one complaining."
taehyung gets a glint in his eye then and the start of a smug smile takes place, "i can give you a lot more to complain about."
jeongguk snorts, "yeah, like what? gonna stomp my foot?"
"nope. i could show you but i'm saving it for jimin." he winks at jeongguk.
and just like that jeongguk remembers why he was hesitant in opening up to taehyung.
because jimin and taehyung have gotten really close in a very short time and taehyung likes jimin. they haven't labelled their relationship so jeongguk knows they're keeping it light and breezy since the end of summer is inevitable. which means the end of their relationship looms over them. taehyung hasn't confided in him regarding that but jeongguk knows his best friend enough to know it will deeply affect him. it is probably weighing heavy on his chest already.
"gross, dude." jeongguk scrunches up his nose.
taehyung shrugs, still having that dopey smile on his face. "i have an idea. how about we countdown and say the name of the city we will most likely be moving to?"
"how is that different from just saying the university?"
"shh, it's like manifesting where you will spend the prime years of your life or some deep shit like that. i cant be bothered to make it sound more convincing." taehyung rolls his eyes. "look, i know you applied to many universities, several of which are based in the same city. so i wouldn't really know even if you reveal the city, right?"
"you're making it sound like i want to keep it from you." jeongguk frowns, "i'm not hiding it, specially not from you."
taehyung huffs, "i know , gukkie." he pats jeongguk's head. "doesn't this make things more interesting though? we can obviously do the big revelation sometime later because i imagine that is inevitable. but for now, i like it, let's do it." he grabs jeongguk's forearm and squeezes in encouragement with a big grin.
jeongguk doesnt get it but if taehyung thinks it's fun then what the hell. he shrugs, "fine. i'll do it."
taehyung cheers with a clap, "on the count of 3!"
3..
jeongguk knows what he's going to say. Seoul . the city has been his dream for as long as he can remember. he has never cared for how he would get there, he's only had his focus on the destination. now with his acceptance offers in the mail from most of the major universities he applied to including two of the SKY universities which are based in Seoul, he has a means of achieving his dream.
2..
he cant imagine himself living like the city people. he wonders if the city would change him. would he become a stone cold passer by who wouldn't bat an eye at someone asking for help? would he learn to not give his trust so easily and to pick apart people's deceptions and lies from their truth? would he become just another person in the metropolitan stampede who have long forgotten their dreams along with their roots?
jeongguk doesn't want to forget but he can't deny that recently he's felt like he can breathe easier with the thought of leaving everything behind to go to Seoul. he has come to use the city as an escape whenever he needs one. just thinking of the future in the city makes him feel lighter and dims his difficulties. at times, he feels guilty. when he finds himself looking off at taehyung and jimin laughing together or acting like how one would expect a couple to and he presses a palm to his sternum, as an attempt to ease the ache and thinks Seoul, Seoul, Seoul. it feels like an out right there. he can imagine himself in his cheap apartment near the campus which would probably have some plumbing problems which would explain the price but jeongguk wouldn't mind because it would be Seoul and it would be him, all alone, by himself. it would be him, missing home and taehyung terribly and learning to live with the even deeper hole in his heart that would only get worse. but at least he wouldn't be looking straight in the eye of what he could have had.
1..
the dam bursts.
"Seoul!"
taehyung's eyes are crescents. his cheeks are risen up like freshly baked bread. his boxy smile is toothy and he looks so happy. jeongguk thinks he wants to immortalise him like this in a picture forever.
it takes a few beats for jeongguk to realise.
it's taehyung practically vibrating on the spot. reaching out his arms, grabbing onto jeongguk's shoulders and jostling him. "oh god, gukkie! i cant believe it – this is so exciting! you've made me so happy!"
and then it strikes him.
they both said Seoul.
“looks like we’ll be seeing alot of each other.” taehyung bumps his shoulder into jeongguk’s with a grin.
not if i can help it – jeongguk thinks.