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Was there a lifetime waiting for us in a world where I was yours?
Tadashi Yamaguchi stands and applauds, as well as the rest of the audience, as Kei Tsukishima-Kuroo and Tetsuro Tsukishima-Kuroo finally takes each other as married husbands. Despite the tears in his eyes, like everyone else’s in the room, his tears were far from joyful. Minutes before the wedding, Tsukishima confronted Yamaguchi at the reception area.
For years, Yamaguchi had helplessly fallen in love with Tsukishima. He couldn’t remember when he started to have feelings for his childhood friend. Was it when he saved him from those bullies? When they watched their first volleyball match together? When he screamed at Tsukishima for not having confidence? Was it joining Karasuno’s volleyball team? Or maybe during all of those moments, all at the same time? Nevertheless, the yearning was there. From their study reviews at school, to their night trips after.
But his timid personality got the best of him. He couldn’t confess his feelings, especially not his Tsukki. It would destroy him and their relationship as friends. So, for years, he kept his pining locked away, silently loving his best friend from afar.
And high school graduation rolled around. And then college. The two childhood friends grew distant, Yamaguchi studying electronic engineering in some university from the city, and Tsukishima continuing volleyball in another. During those years, Tsukishima had met Kuroo, and had somehow started dating. Yet Yamaguchi never herd the news, until years later, where he was invited to their wedding.
“Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima started, his voice heavy with anticipation, and slightly startling the freckled boy. “Yes, Tsukishima?” he replied, shaky as ever. Tsukishima sighs before starting, “Listen, I have something to get off my chest.”
He didn’t know why, but his heart started to beat rapidly. ‘Right now? Before the wedding?’
Tsukishima couldn’t look Yamaguchi in the eye as he confessed, “Thanks, Yamaguchi. For being the best childhood friend, I could ever ask for. And, I want to say, that before I met Kuroo and fell in love… it was actually you who I was in love at first. Ever since high school actually. But I was so scared of losing you at that time. Of losing us. I didn’t want to break our friendship. So, I kept it all away.”
As the words poured out of Tsukishima’s mouth, Yamaguchi was speechless. None of the people in the room couldn’t hear the sound of Yamaguchi’s heart shatter like glass. Before Tsukishima could continue, an assistant called for him in preparation for the wedding. “So yeah, thanks, Tadashi,” and he left the boy, frozen in his spot.
Yamaguchi felt as if a million different feelings rushed into him. Shocked, angry, sad – none of these could interpret the emotions running into him. He wanted to cry, to grasp his hair in rage, to scream. He felt anger, but he didn’t know to whom was it directed, was it at Tsukishima? To himself? To the world? As he felt the tears started to flow, he hurried himself to the closest bathroom, and locked himself in one of the stalls.
If one of them had dared to make a move, a lifetime could have possibly been waiting for both of them. But fate is cruel, Yamaguchi believes.
Was there a lifetime waiting for us in a world where I was yours?
Was it the wrong time, what if we tried giving in a little more?