Archive of Our Own

Disclaimer - I don't own anything of Gundam Wing.

The story was inspired by the picture of Frozen Teardrop's artbook that I used as a cover for the fanfic. There's a headcanon (I think…?) circulating around, that this scene pictures Heero and Relena's life right after the EW when Heero was recovering in Relena's house. During that time, according to Heero's recorded memories and the story presented in "Preventer 5", Relena told him that she wanted to run for the Presidency of ESUN in three years.

Thank for my amazing betas for re-reading the story: coomassieBlue and JenJenGundamFan! Thank you for all your great tips! Please check their stories too :)

Lonely People

.

After Colony 197

Sanc Kingdom

I

12 th of February.

That day, the heavens weren't crying. They were literally bawling their eyes out.

Leaving the convenience store, Heero Yuy pulled the hood of his jacket over his head and tightly tied his shopping bag. Although everything inside was packed in another layer of waterproof containers, the rain was so intense that he was sure that leaving the bag opened, he'd bring home a small aquarium.

The Perfect Soldier hung back before walking from under the store's awning into the cold torrent of rain, with the quiet hope that the downpour would pass soon. Quite the contrary, the storm intensified, the icy wind blew, and the streets of Sanc Kingdom capital turned into streams. Damn earthly weather. He already missed the artificial colony's climate, prived of any natural disasters - like the one he was witnessing.

When he was buttoning the jacket under his neck, he suddenly heard squeaks. He must have overheard, he thought, looking in the opposite direction, but after a second, squeaks repeated, reminiscing a quiet, pathetic meowing.

Heero glanced down, noticing a soggy cardboard box on the sidewalk and its little inhabitant: a small, black kitten with a white patch on his belly and white-collar. The blurred inscription "Kittens to Adopt" was still only partly visible on the already crumbling box. The kitty scratched a hole in the soaked cardboard and walked out of the box, standing uncertainly on short, thin legs.

Then it looked up at Heero with its green eyes and mewed loudly and profoundly. Repeatedly.

"What?" Heero shrugged at the cat's embittered meowing. "I don't have any food for you."

The kitten meowed again and then walked towards Heero.

"No," Heero muttered, taking a step backward. "Stay here, wait until somebody adopts you."

When the unimpressed kitten stubbornly followed him, Heero realized that running away from an insistent animal is a sufficient reason to stick his nose out into the raging rain. He stepped quickly onto the wet pavement, tightening his hood around his face. I won't get involved, he repeated to himself.

Cold raindrops, torn down by the strong wind, instantly slipped under his hood, his shoes soaked up water. Walking a few steps away from the store, he heard the cat's weeping call again, and he couldn't keep himself from looking back over his shoulder. The black and white kitten continued to follow him, mewing loudly, its ears down and cringing each time a strong, North European wind hit it.

"Go away."

Unwavering to Heero's cold response the cat persisted to meow and followed him.

Then, as if a torrential rain wasn't enough, a limousine of some official drove down the street, splashing water from deep puddles in all directions. Cursing under his breath, Heero turned away, feeling a cold wave hit him, soaking his pants and shoes thoroughly, while a stubborn kitten almost entirely disappeared under the blow of water.

Once the limousine passed them, feeling an icy wind permeate through his clothes, Heero frowned at the soaked, weeping furry ball, crouched in the middle of the pavement and shivering with cold. Kitten curled up in itself, its ears and tail down, and squeaked softly between the waves of intensive trembling that almost tossed its little body around the pavement.

Heero sighed helplessly at this sad and miserable view.

He walked over to the animal and gently grasped it in both hands. The kitten weighed almost nothing, maybe except for the water that soaked in its fur.

"Just look at you, cat," Heero sighed with a harsh reprimand in his voice, then he unbuttoned his coat and tucked the cat under his jacket. "You're probably the saddest citizen of this kingdom."

He felt the chilly, wet ball twist under his coat, snuggling close into his chest. So noisy before, now the cat fell silent as if it had no intention to argue with Heero's statement.

A few minutes later, Heero left the main street and turned into the narrow alley, only a couple hundred meters away from the gates to the Peacecraft's palace. Having entered the old, tall building, he walked up the stairs and into the dark, old corridor. He opened the door to his tiny flat and turned on the light in the hallway. The yellow glow of the cheap, rinky-dink bulb flickered, illuminating the narrow vestibule. Sliding his soaked shoes off his feet, he unbuttoned his jacket and knelt, placing a still wet but no longer shaking, furry ball on the floor.

"Stay here a minute," he muttered, then took off his jacket and walked into the bathroom. When he wiped his wet hair with a towel and pulled another one out of the closet, he surreptitiously caught his gaze in the mirror and asked himself if he was that screwed up… talking to the cat.

When he walked into the hall again, there was only a puddle where he left the animal and traces of wet paw prints leading to the living room… and there towards the couch. Heero stood helplessly over the cat that acted as if it was its apartment. There was something genuinely charming about this creature's feisty behavior.

Heero carelessly dropped the towel on the top of the cat that already nestled itself at the very center of the couch. Water from the kitten's fur already started soaking into the material of the sofa that came with the flat. This is probably covered by my deposit, Heero thought, as he walked into the kitchen to make himself a cup of piping hot coffee.

Waiting for the water to boil, Heero gazed out the window. The rain grew more fierce, spreading around his tiny and almost empty apartment a breath of freshness and the noise of drops hitting the windows. Outside, over the red rooftops of the nearby low buildings, the façade of the grand palace was gray with a curtain of rain, but the lights on the highest floor of the building were still on. He fixed his eyes on a particular light, flickering from behind the glass of his window, smudged over and over by raindrops.

Resting his arms on the windowpane, Heero sighed. Even if she's no longer a minister, she's still a compulsive workaholic.

He tore his gaze off the window at the electric alarm of boiling water. He realized he had one more thing to do this Saturday night: go outside, into the raging rain again, back to the damn store.

Buy cat food.

II

7 th of January

"You must be really bored."

He looked over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow. "Hn?"

"Just look at you, Heero." She reached out and pushed the spine of the book toward him. The open book he held in his hand leaned against his chest, exposing the title. "I would expect anything; war treaties, quantum mechanics, astrophysics, even genetic engineering... but gardening?"

There was not even the slightest trace of irony or nastiness in her voice - there never was when she spoke to him. Relena sat neatly next to him on the chaise longue, gazing at him curiously. Her loose honey hair fell on her slender shoulders, no longer wearing her hair in those girlish braids.

"Stumbled on it," he explained, closing the book. "I figured it is actually something I have no significant clue about."

Relena chuckled cheerfully, clearly amused, her laughter filled the quiet atmosphere of the Peacecraft's library. One of the few moments when he imperceptibly made her laugh.

"Tell me," she suddenly asked, wrapping her hands around her slender knee and bringing it closer to her chest. "What interested the Perfect Soldier in gardening?"

He thought a second and shrugged. "It's all in here: seeds, various types of soil, fertilizers, solar light, parasite and wind protection, watering…," he numbered, flipping the book over, "and time. I didn't fully realize how much effort a single flower needs to blossom. It's a tedious and demanding process."

Relena listened to him in silence and with apparent interest. Surprisingly, that didn't bother him; he felt at ease talking to her as the words came out freely as ever. He let his eyes escape down as he continued. "War, fighting, destroying seems a lot easier. This world that came to be doesn't fit the life I've lived until now."

I don't belong here.

When he looked up again, Relena was gazing at him with slightly dreamy eyes. "What?" he asked, dumbfounded.

"Nothing. I agree with you," Relena said exceedingly solemnly, but never stopped smiling. "Creating something good takes time, commitment, and sometimes sacrifices. But creation isn't everything."

He locked eyes with her, expectantly, in comfortable silence, sensing that she wasn't done yet.

"Heero, do you remember the rose garden, where I twisted my ankle?" He nodded his head in reply. "And what you told me at that time?"

Of course, he remembered. He had only a few such tangible memories that spread a gentle, warm wave across his body.

He remembered the sea of blood-red flower crowns growing all around them, their dense, almost intoxicating smell floating in the warm afternoon air, soft grass under his feet... and her, a young Vice-Minister and formal Queen, weeping alone in the middle of this beautifully maintained flowers' kingdom. He remembered how badly, seeing her like this, he wanted to cheer her up.

"Life will always grow and bloom on the ruins that war leaves behind. Just like those blood-red roses. If we left them alone, perhaps they would still grow there, but do you think it would still be such a beautiful, cared garden?"

He knew she didn't expect an answer from him. Putting the book aside, he immersed himself in his thoughts, not wanting her to interrupt, but the slight movement of his torso made him flinch slightly at the feeling of minor pain in his still-healing wounds.

That moment she reached her hand to him, caressing his shoulder, pulling him closer. "C'mere."

The pressure of her fingers was gentle but firm, and he didn't want to resist her. Slowly, guided by the movement of her delicate hand, he fell like a cut tree until he laid on his side on the chaise-lounge, with his head on her lap.

"You know, Heero," he heard her voice from above, "I think that no beautiful garden can exist without a gardener. Someone who will stand by it and protect it."

Her delicate fingers combed his hair, gently massaging the back of his head. "You're no longer anyone's war machine. You can find a garden that you will care for. And once it blooms and gets flooded with cascades of your favorite, most beautiful flowers… Then you'll find your peace. Maybe it's closer than you think?"

My peace…

Heero rolled over onto his back with a low grunt, replacing his head comfortably on her lap. Relena looked down at him, still smiling softly, her fingers skimming lazily through his hair. There was no hesitation in her eyes - she truly believed what she was saying. He wished to be as sure as she was.

He reached out and brushed a strand of honey hair from her cheek.

"…I thought you were dead."

He felt relief, being able to say these words to her. The pain he felt in still unhealed wounds intensified with every memory, with every step he made into those dark moments. As if he was climbing down to the bottom of this ruined bunker again, through frost and distorted metal parts. To find her corpse - and end his own life on the spot too. He hardly could forget the mixture of fear and hope that tore him apart for those several terrifying and miserable minutes of his life.

Relena's eyes sparkled, she gently grasped his hand that brushed her cheek. "We're alive, Heero," she whispered. "Thanks to you."

She realized what he was talking about. Heero sighed and slipped his hand from her grip, letting it land on his chest. "Zero System showed me nothing but death - yours, or mine - no matter the choice I would have made to stop Dekim and the war. But I missed my target. On purpose. I couldn't consciously fire a shot that would surely kill you."

Relena listened to his confession with sad, compassionate eyes. The same look she gave him as he fell into her arms, exhausted, ending his life of a soldier. He remembered she had told him then that he had fallen to her from the stars again.

"According to Zero, I should have died back then. Now when I think about it," Heero continued with a low voice, still tormented by the memories of that cold, Christmas night, "though it seems incredible… Zero System somehow didn't foresee such an outcome of this battle..."

"It's just a machine," Relena said. "Perhaps one of the most brilliant in the story of humanity, but still a machine. The human heart is much more complicated. Our emotions can never sum up into an algorithm."

Heero looked up and fixed his eyes on her, once again amazed by her extraordinary ability to express the right words that he only instinctively sensed. "Yeah," he sighed, gazing reverently at her when she suddenly looked away, her cheeks charmingly reddened.

"Oh, that reminds me… since we are talking about books…," Relena said, turning slightly around without getting up and reaching with her hand for the bookshelf just behind the chaise longue, pulling out a small book with a white cover. "That's the one I adored when I was a little girl. Do you know it?"

Just a glance was enough, and Heero recognized the title. Every colonial child knew this old fairy tale; even he wasn't an exception. He smiled knowingly, nodding his head ever so slightly.

"You remember it?" Relena asked, smiling and running her palm over the cover with tenderness. "In his conversation with the fox, the Little Prince learns one universal truth that actually seems very familiar since I met you. Namely: the fox tells the Little Prince to follow his heart because what is most important isn't visible to the eyes…*."

The only way to live a good life is to act on your emotions…

He realized. Acting according to one's emotion, his ideological compass, was the soldier's worst credo. Though his heart shuddered, disturbed by the torrent of emotions that Relena's words caused in him, Heero didn't let it show that she had just brought him back the Little Prince's innocence, which he should have lost many years ago.

He shouldn't have called himself a soldier. Not anymore, not ever… He wanted so badly to believe that he was finally in a place that he never wanted to leave.

III

24 th of February

"What the hell is THIS?!"

Heero's gaze followed in the direction of his friend's pointed finger, as he targeted something inside the flat, then shrugged. "And what does it look like to you?"

Duo Maxwell snorted impatiently, then stormed the entrance to Heero's apartment.

"I can see it's a cat…," he hissed at the cat, while Heero allowed himself to sigh in a somewhat relieved manner behind his back. Duo, however, seemed utterly immune to this sarcastic reaction. "Of all the people in the world and space, you would be the last person I would expect to own a cat..."

Heero closed the door behind Duo, then crossed his arms over his chest. "What do you want? I'm busy."

"Phew, big deal, you're always busy," Duo murmured, letting go of his shoes and walking inside Heero's kitchen without any further invitation or permission. "If I had to wait with a friendly visit until you are NOT busy… Man, that wasn't an easy task to find you here, to start from. I'd rather expect you to hide somewhere in the depths of a black hole. I didn't expect you to live here."

Heero dropped his arms in resignation and followed his uninvited guest.

"So, how have you been? And what's this story…" Duo asked, opening the fridge, serving himself a bottle of coke, then pointed to the cat that was sitting on the windowsill, gazing curiously at the newcomer, "…about this buddy? You never mentioned you liked animals."

"I don't. It's a stray," Heero sighed. He took another bottle from the fridge and walked to sit on the couch. He opened his top and passed the opener to Duo, but his friend already unfastened the cap with his teeth. Heero rose a brow at the sight. "I feel sorry for your teeth."

"Look who's talking?! You blew yourself up in your Gundam, bro!" Duo smirked at his joke and lifted the glass bottle to his mouth, taking a sip, he slumped on the other end of the couch, getting cozier. "You didn't answer my messages, but I know you got them."

"I don't want company," Heero muttered, taking his laptop from the coffee table and blocking all sessions, then flipped it closed.

"It's getting boring, man. After everything we've been through…" Duo sighed. "Anyway, maybe you'd at least listen to me. I got this idea…"

Heero kept his eyes on Duo throughout his ranting. Despite the passage of years, he still couldn't get used to this playboy and the relaxed manner Duo handled his missions. 'The mission' review was about getting a quota of parts for a scrapyard he led with Hilde on L-2. Of course, with no money. Heero was amazed that this talkative American wasn't on anyone's hit list yet...

"…and, of course, you're my first choice as a partner. I'm planning for this gig to start in the first half of April. Are you in?"

"No," Heero looked away. "I'm not moving from here. At least for now."

Duo fell silent and Heero felt his eyes on him, staring at him curiously, then the long-haired man shouted with joy so loudly that he frightened the cat off the window sill. "Ah, yes! How could I forget! It's the Princess's birthday!"

Heero glanced briefly at the swiftness of the cat exiting the room at Duo's outburst, then shot an annoyed glance at his friend. "I have neighbors. Stop yelling."

"I should have predicted that you already have plans," Duo continued, sinking to the couch, then grabbed the TV remote and turned it on, of course, without asking the host for permission. "But, I suppose you're going as her boyfriend, not just as a bodyguard of sorts?"

Heero ignored the braided-haired man, wanting to remain silent, but Duo wouldn't let him. "Did you confess to her already?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. Plus, it's none of your business."

"Man, do you really think that she'll be waiting for you like forever…?" Duo sighed, then drew another sip of his coke, switching channels way too fast and chaotically. "I'll tell you what, buddy… Relationships are difficult, they have a lot of disadvantages, but they have one great advantage. Do you know what that is? The physical aspect called 'sex' by such untamed peasants as us-"

"You're seriously pushing it right now," Heero muttered menacingly, not trying to mask his annoyance anymore, then snatched the remote from Duo's hand.

"How long are you going to deceive yourself and everyone around you? And her?!" Duo threw his hands in the air, "You're crazy about her! You have always been crazy about her, although I must admit that the fact that SHE has been crazy about you from the beginning always puzzled me…"

Heero pursed his lips, only half-listening to what Duo was gabbing, as he kept switching through channels.

"Let me tell you, man," Duo continued, "we missed a lot in our youth when we focused on the war and saving the world. If we hadn't been Gundam pilots, we would have been normal people, we would have had a lot of girls long ago, and the only thing we would have been interested in would be a weekend off after the whole week's work..."

"Provided there would have been no global war, and we would have been still alive," Heero noted.

His remark surprised Duo so much that he fell silent for a moment as if seriously thinking about these words. "…Do you think it's really over?" Duo eventually asked. "Fighting? Wars?"

Heero decided it would be better if he stayed silent. He stopped on the news channel.

…this would be the first time in modern history when the trade fair for the heirloom of an official starts so soon after the previous election. The current ESUN President remains three years until the end of his term, while the deputies begin to gossip about possible successors. With the departure of ESUN's young, but extremely talented Vice Foreign Minister Relena Peacecraft-Darlian questions arose about her future as a politician at the end of last year. Ii is increasingly heard of in the corridors about whether she will again head the organization she had initially created as the Queen of the World…

Duo listened in silence for a moment, glancing at the TV screen, then tilted his head at Heero. "Is it true? Do you know anything about that?"

"That's her idea," Heero muttered indifferently, "and I backed her up."

"You did?" Duo raised his eyebrow, then clicked his tongue. "Did she really think it over?"

"She can run for it only if she'll act as a Darlian. That's the only way for her to act on her own will," Heero took a sip before continuing. "Without being bound by the destiny and tragic history of the Peacecraft name."

The TV screen changed, showing a short material with Relena as she walked up the wide, white stairs to the Sanc Kingdom castle, chased by an army of journalists. Suddenly, she turned around and smiled at the journalists; with a cold but studied smile.

"I will not comment on rumors," she announced. "I would like to ask for peace and privacy due to me, as I have been off my post as a Vice Foreign Minister for several weeks already. I repeat, I will not comment on the issue of coming up for election, which will take place in three years."

Apparently this wasn't enough for journalists as their voices raised with even further questions. "But you do not deny it, ma'am?"

"That's all for now, thank you very much," Relena announced, bowing slightly, then walked briskly towards the doors to the castle. A crowd of journalists and her many supporters waved, stopped by the protection of her residence. There was further announcer commentary in the background as the camera slid across the gathering.

Let 's recall . Vice Foreign Minister Relena Peacecraft-Darlian stepped down after the events of December 196 AC, also known as the Marimaia Barton coup d' é tat. Since then, the sixteen-year-old has removed herself from public life, residing in the Sanc Kingdom again...

At that moment, when Relena disappeared behind the doors to the castle, Duo froze when he noticed the familiar male figure threading his way in the crowd: a man with chocolate-brown, messy hair, dressed in grey clothes.

He looked sideways at Heero, but the Japanese man wouldn't look back at him. "So that's the reason why you had holed yourself up here," Duo grunted. "So close… yet so far away from her. Watching her from the crowd. Unnoticed."

Heero clenched his jaw involuntarily. The kitten came back into the room and jumped on the armrest of the couch, walking around both men. Eventually, it sat down on the backrest, purring calmly.

"Wouldn't it have been easier to just be with her all the time?" Duo asked.

"I can't be by her side right now," Heero said with a cold voice as he stared at the television screen, where the material about Relena Peacecraft-Darlian's political biography was displayed. "Especially now."

Duo sighed. "It's frustrating listening to you, man. You're stubborn as a mule. You take this nonsense of not being able to be with her and stick to it… while there's literally no excuse not to be. Why not give it a try?"

Heero tilted his head, looking at Duo questioningly.

"I mean…" Duo continued in an uncertain voice as if he wasn't expecting that these particular words would finally get him the interest of his silent interlocutor. "The war is over. You're a pair of normal young adults now. Look at Hilde and me. Maybe Relena should think this whole presidency thing through again? Why not throw it all in hell? Live normally, you and her. Leave this world alone; let it cope."

Heero turned away from Duo and sighed. Duo's eyes almost popped out of his skull. "…did you just sigh?" the braided man gasped. "I had no idea you were so human."

"Relena made a decision to continue fighting," Heero ignored his remark and gazed at the TV screen again, where a silhouette of Relena displayed as she gave her farewell exposé, ending her career as the Vice Foreign Minister. "So I can't stop either. I owe it to her."

Duo slumped against the back of the couch, gazing silently at his friend - still a soldier, though now unarmed, fighting alongside his princess. Staying close to her, to be ready at her any call…

"You're a pair of lonely people. Soooo lonely," Duo sighed before taking the last sip of his drink. He reached out and scratched the cat's ear. The cat shot him a wary look but eventually started purring loudly. "But the thing is… you two sure work hard at being lonely."

IV

31 st of January

"Mr. Yuy, can I be of any help to you?"

He heard heavy, slow footsteps long before the old butler peeked into the kitchen, but he didn't rise from under the counter, never stopping searching through one of the cabinets. "Mr. Yuy…?"

No other thing annoyed him in the castle as much as this courtliness. This endless spinning around the ass: bed made, ironed clothes (underwear included), sumptuous meals, and afternoon teas… Although Pagan was polite and harmless to the limit, his constant readiness to provide all sorts of help and honors was aggravating for Heero. He wasn't disabled, after all, yet he had a feeling that soon he won't be able to roll over in his bed without being offered assistance. However, his annoyance couldn't change the fact that in any of thousands of cabinets in the large as a stable kitchen, he couldn't find what he was looking for.

"…we're out of coffee," Heero muttered, more to himself than to the butler, hoping the old man wouldn't hear him, but…

"Certainly, I apologize for this inconvenience, Mr. Yuy," Pagan bowed slightly. "I'll have it ordered for you right away."

That's it. Heero let out an annoyed breath, closing the cabinet and straightening himself up. "You don't have to, Pagan. I'll simply go to the store to get it."

"But sir… perhaps you would kindly consider changing your mind," Pagan was now visibly stressed. "We have an unexceptionally great coffee supplier. Your order will be delivered tomorrow morning. There's hardly any need for you to go by yourself."

But Heero already lowered his head and passed taciturnly the older man in the corridor to the kitchen, then walked quickly towards the exit from the castle. Indifference seemed to him the only right reaction to almost intrusive, yet at the same time so harmless courtesy he was coping with throughout his days in the castle.

He already realized something, though couldn't name it: some restlessness had sprouted in him for some time… a stubborn thought that inevitably kept returning every day, repeatedly shattering his mind's tranquility, no matter that he tried to ignore it.

Fastening his khaki coat loosely over his black turtleneck, he hurried outside the castle into the refreshingly cold winter air that slightly bit the skin on his cheeks. The day was a bit cloudy, and the last winter snow fell slowly, thawing soon after landing on the ground. Taking a deep breath and sensing the almost tangible freshness of earthly air, he truly enjoyed being outside.

Passing through quiet, clean, and well-maintained streets of the Sanc Kingdom capital, Heero watched the citizens as they kept running their errands. Some simply strolled around enjoying the last moments of the sun, which, by its winter custom, was quickly disappearing. One would say it was a typical winter afternoon in this peaceful era.

Over a month had passed since the world stood on the verge of war again, and only three weeks ago, all the other pilots had destroyed their Gundams.

Walking the street, Heero stopped by the wall with hanging posters and LCD screens. The headlines, written in bold, capital, angular letters, shouted great and terrifying appeals, awakening worst connotations and demons. They were stirring up anger and hatred again. Peace had always been more difficult than war because it ruled with more complex rules. During the war, no one cared for such fantasies as the unemployment rate, compensation, economic crash, and population crisis skyrocketed. That's why, after a momentary excitement, lasting perhaps a week from Christmas to New Year, political arguments flared up again.

It was clear. The world hadn't changed; expecting policies to improve in a day was asking a lot. The Christmas miracle was already losing its power.

Upon the entrance to the convenience store, Heero let through a young couple. They were holding hands and didn't stop their conversation even for a moment; the girl spoke with extreme enthusiasm about some movie she had seen, and the boy seemed to listen to her with undisguised interest. Though the talk seemed about nothing, it gave them a distinct joy. Heero discretely traced the couple with his sight as they walked along the sidewalk into the city park.

So, this is what adolescence looks like. Perhaps, if he had never become a Gundam pilot, he would have also been interested in the latest movie of his favorite series. But he was different from these teenagers, and he realized it perfectly. His fate was marked by war and chaos. Until now, it seemed pointless to convince - himself and the world - that it was different.

But maybe it was possible to try... Now, when he wasn't a Gundam pilot anymore, he had no significant power. He didn't have to obey anyone's orders. The world's problems weren't his business anymore. Relena gave up her life as a politician, and he, without his weapon, wasn't a soldier anymore. They're done fighting.

They should let the world cope with its problems by itself.

Immersed in his thoughts, he caught himself hanging around the store, aimlessly putting off his return to the castle. He tried to get used to these thoughts that suddenly surprised him. Passing between the last row of shelves, he stopped at the one stacked with colorful packages, and after a short reflection, he chose one of the boxes. He paid for the coffee and the box and leisurely strolled back towards the Peacecraft's castle.

Maybe Relena's decision about leaving the Vice Foreign Minister's position so soon after the Marimaia coup wasn't right. However, she was stubborn, and when she informed him of her choice, Heero didn't even try to drive her away from it. Since she had made that decision, he had to trust her. He couldn't stop her either way. He never could.

That was something he always admired in her.

Entering the castle grounds from behind, through the garden, he met Relena, almost as if he had pulled her with his thoughts.

"There you are," she smiled at him the very moment she saw him. She nervously put the rolled-up newspaper onto a wooden bench, as if to hide it from him, the one with the same ominous headlines that shouted at him on the street. "How was your walk?"

"Pleasant."

She rose from the bench and approached him, pulling leather gloves on her small hands. She was wearing a black, elegant coat girdled with a silver buckle and high collar. "I had to listen to Pagan's extensive self-criticism. You could have let him handle the coffee business. You made the old man worry."

"Sorry for that," Heero muttered. "I wanted to go out."

Relena shook her head with a smile. "That's all right. Would you mind taking a little walk with me?"

Heero didn't mind.

They walked side by side the narrow and intimate garden cobblestone path. Winter was already letting go - small drifts of darkening snow were only piling under the large, adequately trimmed trees, and the winter sun was slowly disappearing behind them. The evening air started cooling down significantly, as the shadows of dusk stretched beyond the horizon.

"You've regained your strength, Heero," Relena said, smiling without looking up at him. "I'm so happy about that."

He thought for a long moment, unsure of what to say. "I brought you nothing but trouble all this time. You didn't have to take me in here."

"Of course. But that was my wish."

She stepped closer to him, slipping her hand around his arm. When she cuddled up to him, he felt a pleasant warmth and a spring scent of bergamot and jasmine. "You know you can stay here as long as you want?"

He didn't look down at her, continuing walking and staring into the distance. "I don't belong here."

He felt her slipping her hand out of one glove and then slid down his arm, to join his hand that he kept in his coat pocket. Her delicate fingers were so gentle and pleasantly warm.

"It's a matter of your choice, not a twist of fate, to where you belong," Relena whispered, cuddling closer to him, leaning her head against the solid frame of his shoulder. "Look at these old trees around us... couldn't you take root here, like them? Grow your roots deep into the ground and then grow higher, stronger... These trees are so big and strong because they are in their place on earth."

The low whoosh of wind in the grand majestic treetops answered them. Heero sighed, unable to hold back the slight, involuntary smile that crept across his face. The way she spoke always acted on his imagination; she saw the world in a completely different way than him.

Maybe…

"Heero, there's something I wanted to talk to you about..."

As he listened to her in silence, never thinking of interrupting her, he had that stubborn feeling that he had heard those words of hers before. What she was saying was so natural, he had expected her to tell him that, eventually.

Relena Peacecraft-Darlian had that unique and inspiring way of speaking about the problems of the world. Solely by listening to her, one felt that these distant dilemmas and issues were suddenly more close and personal. Heero listened to her intently. She said that she doesn't want to stare idly... She said everything the way he would have expected from her, in a genuine, emphatic way for which he had always admired her, and Heero subconsciously knew what he should say to her confession. As if it was a theatre, a prepared scene, and he had learned his role by heart.

The light that Relena had inside her never stopped getting brighter. He didn't want to stop her - he couldn't. But this realization made his heart slowly, though painfully, drop.

"What you're saying is right. You shouldn't hesitate, Relena."

He controlled his voice, preventing even a spark of uncertainty sound through his words. Relena gazed at him with an uneasy look though utterly unaware of the struggle he was fighting behind those supportive words.

"Heero, I want you to be honest with me," she addressed him solemnly, as she tightened her grip around his hand, still hidden inside the pocket of his coat. "Doesn't vanity and arrogance speak through me? I'm not asking you whether it is right for me to run for the presidency... but whether it is necessary."

They stopped in one of the lanes, and Heero turned, staring at her expectantly. "Your point is?"

"I was already a daughter of a diplomat, heiress of a murdered royal family, head of state, Queen of the World, politician and Vice Foreign Minister…" Relena said with a low, serious tone. "I'm almost seventeen, I will be twenty if I win, and I feel that my life doesn't belong to me. I feel that my life served a constant fight, not me. My point is that… I don't want another war that I will personally make up and declare to myself."

He gazed intensely at her, patiently listening to every word she said, already understanding her doubt.

"I'm asking you because I trust you, Heero. I know that you wouldn't lie to me. If... if you think that there is even the slightest chance that peace will survive and the world will manage all by itself…" Relena looked up, her eyes again linked with his, as she pulled his hand out from his pocket and squeezed it between both her hands in an entreating gesture, "…tell me to stop."

Once again, he was hanged in the sky over Brussels, torn between what he should do, what his reason and Zero System told him, and what he wanted. As a man. The memory was so strong, tensing his body painfully as if he had had her on target of his buster rifle again.

He almost protested. His silent 'don't do it' almost crossed his mouth.

…almost.

"Peace had been given to the people, but they're still unable to cope with it. The world has been tormented by war and hatred for too long," Heero said, turning his gaze away from her, ashamed of the battle that he just lost. "It's too soon to declare the final victory. You are still needed - your charisma, your ideas, your devotion. To guide people the right way."

When he looked back at her, a flash of pain lingered through her eyes as if she hadn't expected these words from him. Then she bowed her head, reflecting on them. "You really think so…?"

"There's something else."

Relena lifted her eyes on him, expectantly. "What is it?"

"You should give up the Peacecraft name. Only this way, you won't be bound by the pursuit of pacifistic ideals at all costs - including your life," he explained. "Without letting go of this burden, you won't be able to reach the ordinary people's hearts. People need to feel that peace isn't something of upper philosophy, something to constantly make new and greater sacrifices, but something tangible, natural, within their reach. Only as an independent politician, you'll get the right kind of angle to achieve a powerful influence."

Relena thought for a long moment as if what he had said made her doubt even more. However, Heero had no longer any doubts and was ready to deal the final blow to the dreams of their ordinary lives. He took this hit without hesitation, realizing that Relena, though she was much stronger than him, would never agree to take this step.

He set the old trees on fire.

"If anyone can do it, it's you," he whispered, pushing the black hood of her winter coat over her head and leaned down towards her.

Although her body beamed with reassuring warmth, the touch of their lips chilled Heero's heart with a fateful, sorrowful vision of their reciprocal loneliness, an inevitability of which he alone realized. He watched surreptitiously as Relena slowly closed her anxious eyes and surrendered to his touch, paradoxically sparing him her strength and her unshakeable faith in him - in them. Before his mind was enveloped in a feeling of guilt at the thought of him enjoying this he sensed her smile against his lips halfway through his kiss. When he pulled back, she already smiled at him with her charming beam.

"Thank you, Heero," Relena whispered, nestling up to him. "I will definitely succeed with you by my side."

He didn't say anything more as he walked with her through the darkening garden back to the castle. At that moment he knew that he needed to leave her.

The lighter she was becoming, the darker his soul was turning. He didn't see a place for himself as a politician, and he shouldn't be with her when she was going to fix the whole world; for the sake of her safety and the sake of her dreams about peace. The only thing he knew to do was to stand back and admire her as she blossoms.

It was one of those quiet, long winter evenings. Relena dropped off on the couch in front of her large fireplace in her room. He soundlessly crouched down beside her, gently sliding a heavy, warm blanket up to her neck. He brushed her hair away, catching a glance of her for the last moment, then stood up, leaving a box of chocolates on the table. With a short note:

You're on the right track. Don't give up.

H.

Leaving the castle, the Perfect Soldier slipped into the darkness of the bitterly cold winter night, unnoticed and in utter silence. He couldn't chase away that feeling that a part of him was torn apart. He felt the restless fury of having destroyed with his own hands what his heart was already timidly craving for.

Where should he go? How far, this time?

V

15 th of March

Long before he unlocked the door, he already heard a loud, angry meowing.

He slipped through the ajar door inside without switching on the light. Then shut the door by merely leaning with his back against it. His trained eyes quickly adjusted to the darkness, and he immediately noticed the angry resident, who kept meowing at him heatedly, as if scolding him for coming home late.

"I'm back," Heero sighed, slipping off his shoes and taking off his jacket with a painful grunt, negligently letting the piece of clothing fall to the floor. The closer he was getting to the kitchen, the cat was more and more nervously running under his feet, meowing like crazy. "…Wait a sec."

Lumbering, he eventually poured clean water and put cat food into the bowls, which wasn't at all painless and effortless with two freshly broken ribs. He stopped in the kitchen for a moment, leaning against the sink, then staggered into the living room, and slowly sank onto his couch since every move hurt like hell. Once settled Heero closed his eyes for a moment, trying as best as he could to rest, and when he opened them again, a pair of green eyes stared straight at him. The cat sat on the coffee table in front of him, wagging its tail, eyeing him with curiosity, but suspiciously close.

"Relax, I'm already here," Heero sighed, reaching out, but the cat dodged his hand, ran away from under it, then sat down on the other side of the table and frowned reproachfully at him again. Heero eyed the cat up, then shrugged and snorted. "Somehow, I'm not impressed that you're angry. There wasn't anything else I could do. …I don't have to excuse myself before you anyway."

Suddenly his cellphone vibrated in his pocket. He wasn't in a mood to talk. With a slight grunt, Heero reached into his pocket and looked at the device's screen; seeing the caller's familiar number and tag name, he unfalteringly rejected the call and dropped the phone next to him on the couch.

"That idiot…," he sighed as if to justify himself before the cat, why he hadn't answered the call. He frowned up, only to notice that the cat's eyes were still drilling a hole in his stomach. The cat sat on the table again, straight, almost tense… as if outraged by Heero's actions.

"Forget it," Heero muttered angrily. "I'm not gonna answer it."

That same moment, the phone started ringing loudly again. Heero glanced at the screen, then reached out and rejected the call, this time with an automatic message, Do not disturb.

Heero tilted his head back, his arms limp by his sides; every deep breath brought sharp pain in his ribs. The cat started climbing on top of his knees, making careful, studied steps. Feeling that, Heero raised his head up again in discomfort, and then the cat slipped off its lap and started nudging the cellphone with its paw. It started vibrating back, with the significant inscription #02 バカ repeatedly flashing on the screen.

"Son of…" Heero hissed with chafe. That's it. He grabbed the phone a moment before the cat threw it off the couch, then hit the green receiver icon with too much force. "One more call and I swear I'll kill you."

"…That figures. I missed that, Heero."

Every muscle in his body tightened. He would recognize the melody of her voice anywhere.

He glanced at the phone screen again to make sure, then brought it back to his ear.

"…I didn't think that one day these words would bring me such relief," he heard the familiar, soft voice again, still a little breathless as if upon making this call all the tension had drained from her.

"Relena... What happened? Why are you calling from Duo's number?"

"Would you answer if I called from mine?" she asked him a rhetorical question. When he didn't reply, Relena chuckled. "After the assault, he came by to the castle with Hilde, I could use this opportunity to call you… in disguise.."

She was right, as she always was: he wouldn't want to worry her with his condition, he certainly wouldn't answer the call from her tonight. He knew she had seen what happened today in the crowd, and she noticed him in the middle of the turmoil, but thankfully, her security team hadn't allowed her to come close to him. Relena Peacecraft-Darlian didn't need any more media coverage with her ties to a former Gundam pilot, even if he was fighting off her assassin in the crowd as the whole world intensely watched.

"I didn't know you're in Sanc," Relena started again, her voice sounding concerned and restrained. "Why did you leave the hospital? When I came, you weren't there already…"

"I'm fine. There was no point in sitting there any longer," Heero muttered, slumping against the backrest. The cat walked over to the other side of the couch, then turned back and leaned his front paws on Heero's thigh, looking deep into his eyes.

"…You saved me again. How did you track this assassin? I found out from the security that until you jumped at him, absolutely no one saw anything coming."

Heero gazed at the furry companion at his side, then lifted his hand, and the cat immediately stretched out its head and cuddled with its silk forehead in the hollow of his hand.

"I just happened to be around. I did what was necessary."

"You're amazing. You never cease to amaze me, Heero."

The cat narrowed his green eyes, then scaled him again and settled comfortably on his lap. It was warm and purred gently. Heero mindlessly started scratching the cat behind its ears.

"…your speech."

"Pardon?"

"Your speech today," Heero continued. "I watched the crowd as you were speaking. I think you took the right angle on this. Your words inspire people."

Relena was silent for a moment as if he had surprised her, and she didn't know what to say. "You've never complimented my speeches before. Thank you… It's a pity I couldn't say the conclusion line, though."

"Tell me."

He was actually surprised that he said that out loud. For a moment, it seemed to him that it was improper, but the cat on his lap was still lounging calmly, rhythmically, and steadily purring with satisfaction. His hand started stroking his head on its own accord. He heard Relena's soft and gentle chuckle on the other end of the line.

"Granted. I will tell it only to you," Relena said. "But I want to say it to you in person. Rest, for now, Heero. And when you get better, I want to meet with you."

He let himself grin but didn't say anything.

"Goodnight, Heero," she whispered gently. "Please, don't run away anymore. No matter where you go, I'll always find you."

Then she hung up.

He dropped his arm to the couch, then slowly lowered himself until he laid himself down on his right side on the couch, letting a low groan. His movement caused the cat to slide off his knees onto the mattress and to shake off with dissatisfaction. After a while, however, Heero felt a warm touch of fur just over his chest, under his chin. Slowly falling asleep, he scratched a fluffy ball of silk fur.

The cellphone lightened up again, and a text message from #02 バカ showed up: Sry bro. Y'know the girls… they talk.

VI

26 th of March

"That's funny. You don't seem surprised."

There she stood in front of him, on the opposite side of his apartment's threshold, wearing a navy blue dress and nude pumps. In the dark, old corridor, she resembled the fresh breeze of spring, which already reigned in the world.

"…I'm not," he admitted, according to the truth. It wasn't the first time she'd found him, after all. It was only a matter of time.

"May I come in?"

He stepped back, opening the door wider for her to step inside. "I can't forbid you. It's your country, after all."

Relena's face was full of surprise as if she had that déjà vu feeling too. Then she grew serious. "Would you like me to come in?"

He locked eyes with her, gazing at her intently. "Yes."

She smiled again, then crossed the threshold of his apartment with a small, firm step, stopping in a dark, cramped hall, or rather a mudroom. Closing the door behind her, he accidentally nudged her with his arm. "'Scuse me," he muttered.

"Little space here," Relena noticed, slipping off her shoes and walking inside the narrow kitchen, without any further invitation from him. "Have you lived here long?"

He followed her into the kitchen, his eyes tracking her as she walked around the little table and stepped into the living room. "About two months. Do you want something to drink? Coffee, tea?"

"I prefer water if it's no problem for you." Without turning around to face him, Relena passed by the couch in the middle of the room, the TV, then stopped at a working desk filled with three laptops and several cables that led to four central units standing by the wall.

He couldn't help staring at her. Her slender silhouette lit up the gloomy apartment as if she was a stray firefly. She carelessly violated his private space, looking around and touching all his belongings, and he felt a strange tingle in the back of his head. As if he just realized how many times he had been thinking about this moment. Having her here.

"You're not curious how I found you?" she asked him, as he passed her a glass.

"Duo told you." He simply stated, refraining from adding the words this long-haired half-head. He knew she would eventually reach him ever since she had called him from his phone.

Relena smirked triumphantly, her oceanic eyes gleamed happily, and then widened when she saw something behind him. "Oh, Heero, you've got a cat?"

The black and white creature finally came out of its secret hiding place, where it stayed all morning, stopping between Heero's feet. The cat and Relena looked into each other's eyes, utterly curious about each other.

"It's a stray."

The animal had been shy when it had met Duo, but it suddenly began to warm up to Relena immediately as it approached her without hesitation. As Relena sat down on the chair at the desk with computers, the cat deftly jumped on her knees with one big leap and purred loudly.

"Well, aren't you a cutie?" Relena sighed merrily, stroking the cat behind its ear.

Heero retreated into the other end of the room, having a seat on the couch. He took a sip of his water as he watched her: barefoot, sitting with one leg tucked under the other, giggling while clutching the furry animal in her arms. The Queen of the World, heir to the Peacecraft, Vice Foreign Minister... maybe he was looking at the future President of ESUN. But above all, she was a young woman. Free, joyful, pretty. He loved those little moments when she was throwing off that armor of rules and savoir-vivre.

"So," she suddenly started, glancing at Heero's computers, "what have you been doing, all this time, since you've been away?"

He sipped his water before answering. "I'm finishing school. I do a bit of computer engineering for a living. Security check-ups, monitoring in search of terrorist groups, countering digital attacks."

Relena raised her eyebrows, then sent him a smile. A somber one.

"Still fighting, aren't you? On a bloodless battlefield, but you're still fighting."

So do you. Heero debated for a moment what to answer. "I'm trying to use my skills the right way."

"I see. I'm happy that you manage," Relena sighed. "To be honest, it surprised me more when I found out that you stayed in the Sanc Kingdom than when I discovered you had run away from the castle."

Heero looked up at her in silence, realizing the sad tension of her voice.

"You didn't leave Earth," she pointed out, gazing down at a restless furry ball that clearly demanded her attention and stroking. "You didn't even leave the Sanc Kingdom. You rented a flat, you're working, and you got yourself a cat…"

But… you left me.

Although she didn't verbally accuse him of anything, Heero felt as if she had pointed her finger at him. But when he thought that she would reproach him, her eyes softened again.

"I missed you," Relena sighed softly, as she let the restless cat jump off her lap. "Actually, it spoiled me, having you by my side for so long. But I'm happy knowing you're close."

And yet so far… The look in her eyes was showing him the exact opposite of her words. This ambiguity in her behavior was becoming unbearable.

"You never ask…" Heero muttered under his breath, his eyes never leaving hers, "why I left."

"I think I already know why."

His heart thundered as she stood from her chair. "What I don't know, though… is why you stayed here. If you wanted to leave like you usually did, why didn't you leave Earth?"

She turned away from him, stopping at the window, from which she could see her castle. And the windows to her private rooms on the top floor. She stood there, staring at the view as if she was seeing it for the first time.

"It's the same reason," Heero eventually said, rising to his feet and making a step in her direction. She didn't turn to face him, nor did she interrupt him. "Who I was. Whom I'll never stop being, and because of who you are."

Still standing with her back to him, she crossed her arms on her chest, as if she felt cold.

"The war is over, Heero," she whispered. "I want you to live on. I don't want you to stay caught in the middle."

He darted a glance at her and walked up even closer to her, stopping abruptly.

"Do you want me to leave Sanc?" he bowed his head. "If so, say one word, and I'll go."

She finally turned to face him, the light of the setting sun lingered with a glow of thousand nuggets in her golden hair. He couldn't read the emotions in her eyes. She clenched her hand in front of her.

"I want you to live your life the way you want. I want you to be happy, as much as it is possible. I wish you can experience the happiness that'll make you shed tears of joy," she changed her voice as if she hesitated. "I wish you to be at peace. If you can achieve it somewhere else… I can't, and I won't stand in your way."

He was starting to feel irritated by now.

"And what if…" he said, clenching his fists, "this is the closest I can get to be at peace?"

She narrowed her eyes back at him in a somewhat hostile way. "What's stopping you? What are you so afraid of, Heero?"

"I'm not. It's my choice, Relena," Heero muttered, lying to her. It's the choice you made for us both, but I accepted it. He made another step in her direction, glowering at her. "You can bring peace to the World, but that doesn't mean you can make everyone happy."

That was a straight shot, and after the fact, Heero realized he could have said it in a softer tone. Relena sighed, turning away from him again. Her loose hair fluttered in the spring wind that rushed into the room through the open window.

"You're right," she whispered. "One, who is miserable himself, can't make the other person happy."

He hadn't expected those words from her; she surprised him. He was silent for a long moment, loathing himself for saying what he had said.

"What makes you suffer?" he eventually asked in a low voice. If he only knew why… he would do anything to release her of any pain.

Relena raised her chin, looking in the distance.

"One sunny afternoon, very similar to today's… Almost exactly two years ago…," Relena started, her voice silent and thin, "…I found a soldier at the beach, right after he fell from the stars."

He swallowed hard, but stood still, allowing her to continue.

"That soldier, merely a boy at that time, had a brave, sincere, but inaccessible heart. I should have died at his hand, and my death became his mission, yet... he never hurt me. He repeatedly kept compromising his attempts to kill me. When the Zero System told him to protect me, he did so. But then, when on the sky above Brussels, the fate of the world depended on one accurate shot. All the scenarios Zero System predicted were death, either mine, his, or both. However, the soldier resisted the system… this one, last time."

Memories returned with redoubled power, he could almost feel the breeze of icy winter air that had reached his skin as Zero had crumbled to pieces, and he had lost all communication with the Presidential bunker. He remembered the darkness, the dark tunnel deep into the earth, full of pungent smoke, descending lower and lower…

"That soldier perished that night, high on the sky above Brussels," Relena continued, wrapping her arms around her chest. "And the boy that fell into my arms became a man. A man whom I loved. But he keeps slipping away… locking himself behind a wall, through which I can't reach him…"

Heero silently stepped even closer and reached out his hand to her honey blonde hair. Running his fingers through golden locks, he gently brushed the loose strands from her shoulder. He observed how the long, sparkling threads tangled around her dress's neckline, then slipped down her back, exposing the creamy skin of her neck. Gently tracing the flawless contour of her body, he felt her tremble, but she didn't look back at him. His touch brought her soft goosebumps that he effortlessly sensed under his fingertips and the realization made his chest tighten. He closed his eyes, and let his hand slide over her shoulder, down her bare arm. When he carefully reached her fingers, he interlocked his with hers in a tight and tender embrace. She was just a perfect height to him, only a few centimeters shorter, and he drew nearer to her, nearer than he had ever been, his torso brushing her back.

"You keep breaking these walls," he whispered.

Standing right behind her, Heero rested his forehead on the back of her head, his nose nuzzling in her silky hair. He drew into his lungs her tantalizing smell that intoxicated him and awakened emotions and chemical reactions in his body that he had never experienced in his life. Soon he felt Relena's body relax under his touch and reacted to even the slightest feathering of his fingers. He never imagined that he could touch another person this way.

"What do you want, Heero?" When he didn't answer, she continued. "What is your wish?"

…I want to be close to you.

In silence, Relena slowly turned to face him, looking up.

"I'm right here," she cupped his face, gently brushing his bangs away from his eyes. The look in her oceanic orbs was fierce and courageous as she miraculously continued to read his mind. "…is that what you want? Not because it's an order, not because Zero System or a reason tells you that... but because you want it?"

The look in her eyes was so powerful and stabbing as if she was challenging him. He bowed his head, stopping his gaze on her lips.

"It's…" his fingers traced the soft line of her jaw and cheek, his mouth a breath away from hers, "…not enough."

"Heero…" she shuddered as her eyes clouded with tears, and her eyelids fluttered.

It wasn't a hurried kiss; it was so different from all the moments he kissed her before.

He was kissing the girl he adored, to whom he will be thankful for the rest of his life. He was kissing his savior, out of respect and humbleness, with longing and admiration. And she eagerly responded, unfalteringly letting him deepen the kiss and stepping nearer, putting her arms around his neck, clinging to him as if he could disappear anytime. Her skin was burning, and her heart was beating loudly as if it was him who saved her, brought her back to life, with this longing kiss.

The sun poked itself from behind the clouds and pierced right through his eyelids. Without breaking the kiss, he realized that she was too visible standing right next to his window. With his eyes still partly closed, Heero swiftly but gently snaked his arm around Relena's shoulders, hugging her closer to his body. With her in his arms he leaned back them against the wall, hiding them in the shadow of his apartment.

So that nobody would see them.

The shudder in Relena's body made him realize she noticed his movements.

"Why?" She asked against his lips, but when he remained silent, she looked up and narrowed her eyes at him. "You're already behind that wall again, aren't you?"

He gazed at her in silence from behind his unruly bangs when she pulled abruptly back, breathing air nervously. She shed a tear that drained down her perfect cheek, and the cold expression on her face proved that it finally reached her.

"Did you leave because of me? Because I decided to run for presidency…?"

Although Heero didn't say a single word, she read the answer in the clouded, dimmed blueness of his eyes. Once she did, Relena clenched her fists, and her gaze burned with fire so intense and furious that he was sure that she would hit him. But when she lifted her fisted hands, she rested them on his chest.

"Please, stop me," she whispered in a begging tone. "Tell me not to do it… I beg you…"

Heero looked down at her, feeling the expression in his eyes growing darker and harsher. He felt his heart shudder under the torrent of her emotions and the hits that her delicate hands inflicted against his torso.

"Don't make me do this alone. I won't succeed without you by my side," Relena continued, her eyes still downcast. "Just say you don't want me to do it... and I will call this whole candidacy off."

Heero gripped her by her arms, leveling her gaze with his. "You're looking for an easy way out, Relena," he said silently, admonishingly, "there isn't any."

"I'm not... It's because you think I'm strong. That's so not true," Relena lifted her eyes at him. Fear was lingering in her eyes, consuming her, he could feel it even through her skin. "I'm so lonely in all this, Heero… I need you. I need you to stop me if I'm going in the wrong direction...!"

He grasped her wrists in his hands, and she suddenly fell silent. This time he saw pain flickering across her face.

"Don't you realize? Relena, you can't ask me to do that… I'm not going to do anything to stop you."

I adore you. I truly admire you for who you are.

She looked up at him with a petrified gaze, another tear streaming down her cheek. Heero tore his eyes away from her and bowed his head to rest his forehead against her shoulder. He inhaled her delicate and most favorite fragrance of bergamot and jasmine… "Whatever you decide, I know you're right," Heero whispered, bringing his lips right next to her ear. "And I will be there anytime you need me."

She slid her arms up his back, pulling him closer into a warm embrace. He felt her chest shuddering from her sobs.

"I need you all the time," she whispered against the side of his neck, tangling her fingers in his hair. "I'm so tired of constantly missing you, Heero. Please, stay by my side."

He felt the blood drain from his face at her helpless, begging plea. Fighting to regain his composure, he dropped his head to her shoulder again with a sigh. He felt guilty for making her cry so badly, but at the same time, he didn't intend to back down.

He couldn't, for her sake.

"I don't deserve you," he muttered, feeling her body tighten in his arms in protest, but he held her tight. "But I'll protect you. To be able to do this, I must stay in your shadow. I can't be with you and protect you simultaneously. That would be dangerous to you… and would only disappoint you."

He felt her fingers gently clench at the material of his shirt. Crying silently, Relena snuggled into him as if her life depended on it, and Heero couldn't stop the smoldering question in his head: Why? Why did she care so much about him? Of all the people in the world… why him? An orphaned, deprived of emotions murderer… A nobody with a debt to the world that he was never going to pay off.

"You need to stay strong, Relena," he continued, feeling her body finally calming under his touch, while he allowed his gaze to wander outside the window. Relena didn't protest anymore; Heero figured there was hardly anything more left for her to say. In the far distance, bathed in the light of the setting sun, he noticed the dark tips of tall, old trees in the palace gardens.

Maybe… someday…

"I will stay strong," Relena eventually declared, looking up at him. With every second, her gaze filled anew with trust and fearless determination that he knew so very well. "I won't leave this path. Promise me you'll be waiting at the end of it."

Then he kissed her again, leaving his answer sealed in his kiss, closing the gap between them and pulling her close. They couldn't be interrupted even by the stray cat that wrapped its tail around their legs, rubbing against them and stubbornly demanding attention.

The sun was bleeding with its red light all over the world, slowly fading beyond the horizon, until it was gone entirely. The sky slowly filled with a night's shade of navy blue.

"Your driver is waiting?" Heero eventually asked, pulling back, but the look on her face immediately showed him the answer. "I'll walk you."

Although the day was warm when the evening came, it quickly turned cold. They walked along the main avenue in silence; Heero with hands in his pockets, Relena with joined hands in front of her. He admonished her for going out of the castle only with a cardigan, so he gave her his khaki coat. The city around them was utterly calm, there were almost no people on the streets, so the kingdom's princess stroll didn't arouse the slightest interest.

"Do you still want to hear the end of my speech?" Relena asked him when they reached the gates of the castle.

Heero nodded silently, then studied her as Relena took a deep breath and recited the remembered text.

"I want to stress that peace is within reach of each and every one of us, and we all can contribute to the peaceful world. Everyday. It can be a small, insignificant gesture or a smile, giving a helping hand to a neighbor or a stranger but also sharing our own happiness. Although it may seem that each of us means as little as a distant star in the black sky, together we are a galaxy, that's even brighter than the sun. We should never forget that our bonds with others are the only way to peace."

He stood still with his hands in his pockets, listening to the last part of her interrupted speech, that no one else had heard. When she finished, he said nothing more but smiled gently, feeling his heart swell with pride.

When they already said their goodbyes, Relena turned around to face him once more.

"I almost forgot. Two years ago, you tore my invitation. Now, I want to try this again," Relena said, taking an envelope in her both hands. "Heero Yuy, would you do me this honor…"

VII

5 th of April

The air in Heero's tiny apartment held itself with high temperatures. The hot, stuffy metallic odor permeated the small space with burning metal and plastic aroma. Four CPUs stored under his desk worked full computational and processing power for the fourth day. They were already so red-hot that the cat lost any form of interest in sitting on them.

When the screen in front of him filled with a numerical cryptogram, he let out a breath he had held for the last few seconds. He raised a mug to his mouth with the already icy-cold, thickened, most repulsive coffee he had ever drunk, then immersed himself again in the coordinates and fragments of codes, from which, piece by piece, he was breaking the ciphers and reading what was behind them.

After days of tracking in the depths of the dark networking system, Heero was finally close to what he was looking for. Too close to stop. Every muscle in his body was painfully tense as if he was fighting a fistfight. When he keypunched rows of codes at lightning speed, the four processors resonated loudly as the fans tried desperately to keep them from overheating.

Finally, the processor died down when the program launched the data file that was just downloaded. Now all he needed to do was to decipher the location.

"Yess…!" he hissed, clenching a fist in a triumphal gesture. He had them.

According to the coordinates, the group Heero had scouted for days, acting under the strange-sounding name Epyon de Telos, had scattered throughout the globe over the past hour. A repetitive sequence of logins, which Heero already knew by heart, indicated that they had started some coordinated action. However, they weren't very careful - all the logs, though thoroughly camouflaged along the way, ended on one and the same private server, which alone wasn't sufficiently protected. That way, it was possible to determine its location - and the group's presumed base. Close to the center of the Atlantic Ocean.

What the group was threatening to do through the dark web's forums was more than enough for Heero to catch and destroy them personally. So he turned off the computers, then turned on his heel, reaching for the keys on the table.

His gaze stopped at the elegant card tied with a navy-blue ribbon.

Would you do me this honor…

Taking the card in his hand, he realized that he probably wouldn't make it on time.

For the shortest moment, for the first time in Heero's life, he thought that maybe he was overreacting - overinterpreting into the threat that he had seen in this suspicious screening. Perhaps, the only reason he was irrationally looking for danger, was for an excuse to stay away. Again.

Suddenly, the cat rubbed against his calf, purring loudly, pulling him out of his ridiculous thoughts and returning him to reality. Heero squatted and scratched the cat's back then under its chin.

"I have to go," he muttered to his companion. "I left you water and food. The window will be left open, and I'll also leave a message for someone to come here to check on you."

He rose from his knees, leaving his room. In the hallway, he slipped on his shoes and began to twist the key in the lock when he heard a long, persistent meowing behind him. He looked over his shoulder. "And now, what has gotten into you?"

The cat stood at the threshold of the entrance to the room and kept on meowing. Its glittering eyes fixated on Heero. "I can't take you with me. I'll be back in a week or so."

The cat didn't calm down at all. Entering the hallway, it continued loudly meowing as if it wanted to keep Heero at home.

"…I don't have time," Heero growled.

Then he left the apartment. The cat ran to the shut door, scratching it nervously, almost frantically, but its master's fast tread already reverberated on the stairs.

VIII

13 th of April

"Everything is ready. We should go now."

An older man in a white, laboratory coat said as he stepped away from his subject, the boy stood up, wincing, on unsteady legs but didn't obey his request. The man looked back over his shoulder. "…you're going?"

"…In a moment."

Dr. J. nodded his head silently and minced across the gloomy room, leaving the boy alone - ending another encounter, again on the crossroads of the boy's life… or maybe that time it was a dead-end - however, this time, the decision between the choices the boy had to choose from was not complicated.

The skin of his wounded, bruised hands almost instantly froze to the glassy surface of the icy casket cover on which he leaned. At first, the intense cold soothed his throbbing knuckles after taking his helpless rage out countless times earlier. Shortly, an icy chill ran through every vein of his body. Just a few days ago, he wouldn't hesitate to stay this close to this capsule and freeze beside her like an ice guard; plunge into the same icy trance as her, except his would be a fatal one.

Now things were different and Heero reluctantly withdrew his hand.

Clenching and unclenching his frozen fist, he walked a few steps away from the capsule, his head dropped to his chest, but finally feeling his tormented mind clearing up. He felt almost deaf because of the stable machine's murmur keeping Relena in eternal sleep, except he knew better than that; she was on the edge of death, and this capsule kept her from it.

Little Prince. That code name of the capsule seemed more than a cruel joke. Even more like a cruel joke from her beloved book. The detail of a carved blood-red rose suited her so very well… Like a momentous and wicked accusation: You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed.*

Heero turned around and stood in front of a tall, glassy capsule of the only person in the world, who, having broken all his barriers, left him here, locking herself behind the icy wall. Who told him to live his life, and contemporaneously robbed him of it.

This time, Heero stood before Relena Peacecraft-Darlian like a soldier he was when they had first met: straight and rigid, his chin up, clenching his bruised fists. Reconciled anew with himself, with reality and with the future, but not with the past. He never intended to forgive himself that he hadn't been with her in the castle that day.

Looking at her calm face behind the several thick centimeters of glass, he rebuked himself inwardly for the thought that she had never been as beautiful as she was in eternal sleep.

"…Relena."

His sigh was low, and his chin dropped to his chest again as another wave of guilt tormented him. He breathed air hurriedly as if something dragged him under the surface of icy water.

Everything went wrong from the moment he decided to go solely, to neutralize the threat. But he wasn't wrong: he discovered the Epyon de Telos group and their plans long before anyone did, even the Preventers. Although his impeccable ability to track and decode, he was too quick to react to his findings. He made a terrible mistake, chasing them on the opposite side of the globe, in the Atlantic Ocean. It was just a decoy. And by the time the group attacked the Sanc Kingdom... he was already late. Too late. It was apparent now: if he hadn't left the Sanc Kingdom... if he had arrived at her birthday party... if he had been by her side…

Everything that happened after that happened by her decisions. It was her wish. To return to being a Peacecraft, to save everybody, to save him... although he wanted so badly to stop her.

If you're going to give up your life so easily, then it means that there's absolutely nothing you've learned since you've blown yourself up. Was I mistaken, Heero?

He cursed with helpless despair at the memory of her words. Her implacable stubbornness and determination that he couldn't tame nor understand... and which he hadn't resisted, even when her life was at stake.

Maybe the soldier in you never died?

"You were right. I'll never stop being a soldier."

His slightly hoarse voice echoed in the high hangar below the Sanc Kingdom castle. Once, not so long ago, his Gundam, along with other mobile suits Noin gathered to protect the kingdom, were stored down here. Now it looked like an icy cave, or rather a tomb, a death zone - with Relena's capsule glowing with metallic light.

Convinced that she could hear him, somehow, he uttered, "As long as you continue to cast your light around the world, I must follow you. I'm your shadow. I can't exist… without you."

He swallowed, feeling a sudden shiver take his breath away, as the memory of that spring afternoon returned with doubled strength; when she stood before him, with tears welling in her eyes.

"This time, I won't let you go alone, Relena," he muttered, clenching his fists. "I'll follow you even to the depths of hell."

It could be a difficult decision for anybody else, but for him, it would be a retreat to who he was before. To what he was before. He had followed her to the collapsed bunker to die beside her. Now he will follow her into the unknown.

"…Goodnight, Relena," he whispered a silent farewell under his breath, turning away from her.

Never looking back.

IX

Summer

The engine's roared down, echoing off the walls of the buildings on the empty street a few more times. The weather was boiling. Leaving the air-conditioned interior of the car seemed like suicide.

"Well, here we are," Duo Maxwell sighed loudly, slumping in the driver's car seat. "It's here."

He uncertainly stole a glance at the raven-haired girl sitting in the front passenger's seat. The girl's eyes were fixed somewhere outside the passenger window, her arms were tense and her fists squeezed on top of her thighs. He was afraid that saying anything more would make her burst into tears again. After a moment, he pulled the key out of the ignition and opened up the door.

"Do you want to stay in the car?" he asked gently, silently, but then continued to not sound pushy. "Or do you just want me to go alone?"

The girl sniffed, then left the vehicle without a word, slamming the door behind her as if he had just offended her.

"Hilde…" Duo jumped out of the car and caught up with her on the street.

They walked the rest of the way silently through the narrow lane's pavement to the old, three-storied building. When they arrived at the right number, Duo knocked on the ground floor apartment window.

After a moment, an elderly man's face with a visible stubble appeared in the window. "What is it?"

"Good afternoon, sir. I spoke with you on the phone this morning about my friend's apartment."

The word friend barely crossed his throat while he felt Hilde's trembling hand in his.

"Oh, right, almost forgot. I'll be right there," the man said, then disappeared from Duo's sight. After a moment, they heard the sound of a turning key on the other side of the door, and the landlord opened the door for them. "Good that you are here. I was about to leave and we would have passed each other."

"Terribly sorry for the inconvenience," Duo shook the man's hand and nodded at Hilde. "This is my girlfriend. We came here together, can we...?"

"Makes no difference to me," the man shrugged and smiled wearily. "Follow me. It's the third floor."

They entered a dark but pleasantly cold corridor into a winding staircase and started their slow scramble to the third floor.

"So… you're saying that Duo Maxwell's not going back to this apartment?" the man asked, shooting a glance at Duo over his shoulder.

Duo swore in his mind, for the hundredth time today, since he realized that the bastard had stolen his identity. Again.

"Not any time soon."

"Well... there's this thing… Maxwell paid a year in advance when he moved in," the man continued. "To whom should I return the money for overpayment?"

"Keep the money," Duo said, following the man up the stairs. He held Hilde's hand, who followed him in silence with her head bowed. "To cover damage, other expenses-"

"But what if Maxwell comes back and demands a refund…?"

"I said: keep the money," Duo growled, feeling irritated, then sighed and gasped under his breath. "…It doesn't matter anymore."

"You're a mysterious gentleman," the landlord said, then stopped at the door with the number 4. "Here we are," he sighed and started turning the key in the keyhole. "Ah, I don't know if you're aware… Maxwell had a cat."

"Yeah, I know."

"The last time he left, he asked me to look after it. The cat could go out for walks through the balcony's escape route. Maxwell asked me to feed him..."

"Well, guess you already have a purpose for the rest of the money," Duo smirked. "Compensation for caring for a cat."

The man shrugged. "Apparently so. But I liked that animal. I would even look after him selflessly... I have a few more animals myself."

As soon as the door opened, they heard a patter of paws from the interior and loud meowing. Then a black and white cat jumped off and stopped abruptly in the doorway, looking at the newcomers. It froze for a moment, then did a rather strange thing for a cat: dropped his tail and returned to the interior of the house. As if it had suddenly lost any interest with the people that came to the apartment.

"Here's the key," the landlord passed the key to Duo. "When you're through packing everything up, please put it in the mailbox."

"And what about the cat?"

"The cat? It lives here for now. Don't worry about it."

Duo looked at Hilde, after which they both said goodbye to the host and entered the apartment.

When they closed the door, they emerged themself into a silence that almost deafened them. Only after a moment, they heard the sounds of water flowing in the pipes and the street noise from behind the windows. Despite the sunny weather outside, the apartment plunged in darkness.

"I will open the blinds," Duo offered.

Without taking off his shoes, Duo entered the tiny kitchen, then into the living room, opening the windows and letting the light and hot summer air in. The incoming sunbeams lit up dust particles floating in the air, which flared up like stardust. The cat nervously ran across the room and jumped on the chair at the desk. Sitting down, it turned to the guests as if they seemed suspicious and wanted to keep an eye on them.

The creaking of the floor behind him made Duo realize that Hilde had just entered the room. He turned to her and smiled sadly.

"He didn't have much stuff in here. We should be able to pack it all in a few boxes."

Hilde said nothing. She didn't even look at him. She walked around the room, her footsteps careful as if she was passing through a minefield. Duo sighed deeply. It hurt him to see her despair. It was no better in the Sanc Kingdom castle, where together with a larger group of Preventer agents, secured the assets of the abandoned kingdom. There, they decided to acquire Heero's personal belongings, and Duo and Hilde volunteered.

Gazing at the old-fashioned paper calendar that hanged on the wall (must have come with the house, Heero probably didn't use it much), Duo quickly calculated that Heero had to be in this apartment for the last time about two months ago. Just before the attack on the Sanc Kingdom castle.

After that, he didn't come back here anymore.

Duo leaned on the windowpane. The view of the royal, palace's building stood above all the roofs of the surrounding houses, and it was a lovely, almost postcard-like image. Duo wasn't surprised that Heero wanted to stay here. The very picture worth paying for the whole year in advance... for someone who didn't fit the palace, but would like to be as close to the castle as possible… I wonder how many times he gazed through this window, just like I am right now, Duo thought.

Hearing a rustle behind him, Duo turned and leaned against the window, studying Hilde in silence, as she stood by the desk. Her fingertips touched Heero's things, gently, as if they were about to fall apart under her touch.

"...It's all left so randomly… It's like he left for a moment would be returning soon," Hilde whispered, running her hand over Heero's things. The keyboard of the turned-off laptop. Mug with dried up coffee residue. A pile of books whose titles didn't match Heero at all: one about gardening and an old copy of "The Little Prince."

"I can't stop thinking about it..." Hilde continued with a weak voice, taking the tiny white book into her hands. "How horrifying what happened to them… Their bodies turned to ice. They can't move, they're locked in caskets... As if they died… but they're actually asleep. But it's not up to them to decide when they would wake up. They can stay like this… forever."

Duo swallowed hard. He no longer knew what to think and how to comfort her; even he personally was losing hope that it would make any sense. He started to think that maybe it would be better to assume that there was no hope; that this could be the end.

It was obvious that Heero Yuy wouldn't return to this apartment for a long time. If at all, he would ever... come back. And so Relena...

"Duo..."

The long-haired man turned at the sound of his girlfriend's breaking voice. His heart tightened, he knew the tone all too well, hearing it endlessly in recent days. He knew that it meant that his beloved would despair again.

Hilde stood with her back to him, her hands holding a piece of paper with a navy blue ribbon tied around. "Oh God, Duo… It's for Relena's birthday…!"

Her sob turned into blubber, and she slumped onto the floor. Duo ran up to her immediately. "Hilde…"

"I'm so sorry! I'm so, so sorry!" Hilde sobbed. "Duo, I can't stand it... I can't stand the thought that they... they…"

"Baby, stop it, I'm begging you," Duo whispered in a comforting way as he kneeled beside her and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. With his own heart hurting, he desperately wanted to make her stop crying. "Listen to me, remember… they're not dead-"

"Really? Are they? That is far worse than death!" Hilde cried between sobs. "It's a nightmare! They can last like that for many decades and never wake up... and we may never see them again…!"

Duo gently placed both his hands on either side of his sobbing girlfriend's face, looking deep into her blotchy cornflower blue eyes. He brushed away the flowing tears with his thumbs. "Hilde, it was their decision… and there was no other way-"

"Duo, don't you understand?! They're separated!" Hilde whimpered, shaking her head and causing Duo's hands to fall from her cheeks. "And they may be separated like that forever-"

"You know it isn't true," Duo said with a serious tone, although he felt bad for lying to her. Of course, they were separated - and it didn't mean only separate caskets. It meant a lot more because nobody knew how they would wake up if they ever were to wake up or when… and what would they remember? Duo forced himself to shrug those thoughts away, feeling his own heartache. "Relena did it to save the others… and Heero… he followed her," Duo whispered, holding his girlfriend in his arms. "I'd do the same. I would go after you. I wouldn't let you go by yourself..."

Hilde clenched her fingers on his clothes. "Duo, I love you," she sobbed. "I love you so much…"

"…I love you too, baby girl."

They sat still for several more minutes, mourning their friends.

The black and white cat sat in Heero's chair, watching them curiously.

They didn't finish packing until the late hours of the afternoon. As a result, they carried out only six boxes. All of Heero's items were going to the Preventer's arsenal for now. It was unknown if and when he would recover them... but that decision seemed reasonable, and all the remaining Gundam pilots agreed on that. Throwing the things away would be unacceptable and they would have felt as if they were cleaning up after the dead…

When Duo took the last box and walked in the direction of the exit from the apartment, the black and white cat slipped unnoticed between his legs. Although the cat usually used the escape door, this time it ran down the stairs and went out through the main entrance into the street. It stopped in front of the house as if wondering if it had forgotten something.

After a while, however, the cat turned around and took off into a sprint. Soon it stumbled out of the narrow street and ran along with the wide avenue bathing in the setting sun, where at the end, the empty castle still stood.

X

Thirty years later

.

"Can you kill this woman?"

The screen in front of him lit up with a giant photograph of a young, golden-haired woman. Dressed in white, she wore a wide-brimmed white hat on her head and smiled with a charming, Mona-Lisa-like smile.

As if incredulous that such a frail creature could be number one on Preventer's hitlist, he asked:

"Is that a mission?"

"Yes."

Heero Yuy gazed at the screen again, suddenly realizing the conflicting emotions swelling in the deep shade of her oceanic eyes, despite the serene expression on her face, was filled with silent longing, distant like an inaccessible galaxy. Despite holes in his memory, he couldn't resist the stubborn impression that this woman's identity wasn't everything he knew about her...

But the mission always meant an order. And he was a soldier carrying out orders.

"I understand. I will kill Relena Peacecraft."

The END

* - quotes from the book "The Little Prince" by Antoine de Saint-Exupery.

If you survived to the end, please leave a review ;)