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Part 1 of Squad Di'kut, Part 1 of It's Always Midday on Florrum
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Open Source Soft Wars
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Published:
2020-07-14
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2020-07-14
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2,346
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2/?
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331
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Temporary Duty Yonder

Summary:

Temporary Duty Yonder: a GAR specialist's travel or other assignment at a location other than the specialist's permanent duty station as authorized by Commanders as needed to fill specialist slots if a permanent replacement cannot be found. This type of secondment is usually of relatively short duration, typically from two days to 189 days in length.

With Squad Miit'nuhun, this is approximately two days to 189 days too long.

Notes:

Chapter 1: Meet The Squad

Notes:

Oh dear lord this was the most enabled of fics. I'm sure every person on the Soft Wars Discord provided something to this craziness. Special thanks to SailorSol for creating the word "miit'nuhun" for the squad, and Lady and whomever else I threw this at to beta. (It's been a while, sorry. Hondo Happened.)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text


The first time specialist Squad Miit'nuhun cycled through Torrent, there had been four of them. A bit rowdy, but specialists were usually... special.


The second time, the squad had seven members, which was a bit... unconventional, though specialist units were different from Cadet squads and not necessarily limited to five. What had struck Rex as odd, though, was the impeccable documentation declaring them all as batchers.


The THIRD time, there were THIRTEEN of them. All with the same flimsiwork declaring them as batchers, including a sworn affidavit from Shaak Ti stating she had been present for said decanting, despite that being completely impossible as Shaak Ti wasn’t even on Kamino back then. Even more suspicious was the line crossing out “twelve” with a delicately written “thirteen” above it on said affidavit. Rex felt his eye twitch as he met the serene grin of the de facto squad lead, CT-4444. Fours. Because Fives wasn't enough, apparently; no, there were a whole bunch of other ridiculous CTs out there being inflicted on whatever hapless battalion needed specialists that tenday.


…A whole bunch of other ridiculous CTs that had their own ship now. Huh. It was an ugly freighter with nose cone art painted in the same garish neon colors that decorated their armor. Freighter number 461375-808, AKA “Handbasket.” According to the datapad in his hands, their pilot, Razor, was a new addition. That explained why they had their own ship now, instead of being dropped off in the dead of night by a pilot who immediately fled back to their own battalion before the unwitting CC was notified of the squad’s arrival. Proudly emblazoned on the nose cone was the pilot’s designation of CT-7734, written upside down above the rest and… oh. Upside down the numbers looked like a word. Hell. Hell Razor’s Handbasket.


Priority Alert


Rex: Can anyone explain why my request for one (1) medic has resulted in Squad Miit’nuhun landing on the Resolute.


Priority Response


Bly: You said you needed a medic. There aren’t any available from Kamino right now and Squad Miit’nuhun has three and were available.


Priority Response


Rex: …Of course there are three now. But BOSS is one of the medics. Kix hates him. There have been four attempts on Boss’ life and Kix once barricaded him in a closet.


Priority Response


Bly: Maybe he’ll get along better with their newest medic, CT-5-8008. Calls himself “Nips.”


Priority Response


Rex: …What is WRONG with this squad.


Priority Response


Gree: They've spent too much time with Torrent


Priority Response


Rex: I've only had them twice, they've spent easily three times that with Star


Priority Response


Bly: Don't drag me into this.


Priority Response


Rex: You sent them here


Priority Response


Bly: You needed a medic!


Priority Response


Neyo: …this sounds interesting.


Priority Response


Bacara: I have never been this grateful to be on the opposite side of a Separatist blockade in my entire life.


Priority Response


Cody: The arrival of Squad Miit’nuhun may be unfortunate but it is not an emergency. All hands stand down.


Priority Alert Deactivated


Rex had a few Opinions about that, but he also had a baker’s dozen of destructive idiots milling about in his hangar so he returned his attention to Fours’ bland smile. Fours was the only one still at parade rest. Razor was arguing with one of 501st engineers about how, exactly, to move the Handbasket into one of the vehicle bays, and how she was “too delicate” for the usual methods. The boxy freighter looked sturdy enough to handle a nuclear blast and Rex’s engineer had come to the same conclusion. The other eleven had quietly spread out in the hangar and several already had their grubby paws all over everything. Rex’s eye twitched again.


“Squad Miit’nuhun,” Rex said, and the entire group sans Razor snapped to attention. One of them quickly dropped a tool back in the tool chest it had come from and another hid something behind his back. “I had requested a medic accompany the reinforcements from Kamino that arrived yesterday, but Commander Bly felt your Squad would be more suited to the task until a permanent replacement can be found.” His brother was going to face repercussions for that. Rex wasn’t sure what yet, but he knew he’d come up with something. “Corporal Boss, you will leave Lt Kix alone.”


“Sergeant,” Fours blithely stated, tapping the datapad Rex was holding. “He’s a Sergeant now.”


Rex glanced down at the datapad and nodded. “My apologies, Sergeant Boss. Same order. Sergeant Boss, Corporals Nips and Sigh,” he bit back a sigh of his own at those names, “the three of you report to Medical to get added to the rotation. As for the rest of you, I wasn’t aware your squad was coming so I don’t have enough bunk space. Can you stay on your ship until something can be arranged?”


“Of course, that won’t be a problem,” Fours said, gesturing at the others, who headed back to the Handbasket. “Mack, put that down,” he added, seeing the object that Rex had noticed being hidden behind his back earlier. “You have plenty of toys on board.” Mack, who had the most carefully sculpted and feathered mullet Rex had ever seen, carefully put it back- Rex still wasn’t entirely sure what it was- and trudged back to the ship with his brothers. The three medics split off from the group, heading for medical. Fours watched their progress a moment before nodding and returning his attention to Rex. “Orders for tomorrow, sir?”


Rex knew he needed to find them something to do. He scanned through their specialties, trying to come up with something, anything. “For now, report for training at the beginning of Aurek shift. I’ll have individual assignments by the end of Besh shift.” A plan was starting to form, but he would also owe a lot of favors by the end of it. So many favors. He was going to have to murder Bly; surely the other Shebse would forgive him.


“Yessir,” Fours said, snapping off a proper salute and turning to herd the rest of his squad on board the Handbasket. The harried engineer who’d been arguing with Razor had given up and stalked off as Razor won the right to pilot the Handbasket into a vehicle bay rather than tow it per standard. The engineer was glaring murderously after the garish freighter and standing far too close to the welding equipment for Rex’s comfort.


...Oh, well, if the rest of the squad ended up welded inside the Handbasket that would also solve several problems. Rex had more important things to do than deal with a lesser degree of Shenanigans than Squad Miit’nuhun were known for. He frantically typed on his comm while power-walking towards squad berthing.


Rex: Cody


Rex: Cody you need to borrow my ARCs right


Cody: ...No?


Rex: Let me rephrase. I am sending you Fives and Echo. I know you’ll return them.


Cody: Rex, no.


Rex: You know Fours has been trying to seduce Fives into his squad since the first time they met.


Cody: ...I think seduce is a bit strong of a word, here.


Rex: He’s managed to collect CT-2222 and CT-7777 since the last time he was here. He already had CT-6666 and CT-3333. He almost has the full set now


Cody: I feel like I should be discouraging this but you might have a point.


Rex: Of course I do, Heavy and Cutup are going to KILL HIM and Droidbait will cry. I don’t even want to know what Echo’s contingency plans are


Cody: Fine. Do NOT let any of the other CCs know


Rex: THANK YOU I will be the soul of discretion


That wrinkle ironed out, Rex burst into Domino’s quarters, flicking on the light as he did so to a chorus of groaning and complaints. “Fives, Echo, you have a mission,” he barked. The two ARCs snapped awake and started armoring up immediately, which set a warm burst of pride through him. The remaining Dominoes were watching their brothers and Rex with varying levels of concern. While the two ARCs got ready, Rex was already sending orders to the hangar deck to have a ship ready to go by the time he escorted the duo there, along with orders to rendezvous with the 212th for the handoff. Even on short notice Rex had little trouble making up some official-sounding nonsense as a cover for this last-minute ‘mission.’ Orders sent through, and both ARCs were already standing at attention in front of him. Perfect.


“Our mission, sir?” Echo asked politely.


“I’ll explain on the way to the hangar,” Rex said, stepping into the hall to give Domino some semblance of privacy for quick well-wishes. Both ARCs joined him in short order, Fives deliberately ignoring the light switch while Echo took pity on their squadmates and turned it off and closed the door. Echo elbowed Fives in the ribs and Rex pretended not to notice.


“So, mission?” Fives was wide awake and far too enthusiastic for this hour. Rex sighed and led the way.


“Instead of a medic being included with the reinforcements that arrived yesterday, as I explicitly requested, Squad Miit’nuhun was assigned to assist until a suitable medic can be located. To prevent fatalities you two are going to the 212th until I get them off my ship.”


“I see why you didn’t mention this in front of the rest of Domino,” Echo murmured.


“Oh, c’mon, Rex, what’s the big deal? It’s not like I can’t handle the seven of them. Besides, they want me. I’m not even playing hard to get!” Fives managed to maintain a smirk even as Echo’s elbow hit him in the ribs again.


“They just want you for your numbers, vod.”


“Details. You know I like the weird stuff.” There was a third crack of plastoid as Echo’s elbow was again introduced to Fives’ side. “You know that doesn’t actually hurt, right?”


“It’s the principle of the thing.”


“Fives, you know Squad Miit’nuhun is a unit of thirteen,” Rex interrupted, voice wry. He gave it a beat to let that sink in. “Shaak Ti states they’re all batchers so they can’t be split up, that’d be cruel.” Echo made a strangled noise that echoed oddly as they stepped into the hangar. Rex glanced in the direction of the Handbasket, relieved to see the hatch closed and no garishly bright armor among the sparse hangar crew at this hour. The ship he’d requested to send Fives and Echo to the 212th was being prepped at the opposite end of the hangar. Rex wondered which of the deck officers needed to be thanked for that as he all but shoved his ARCs in that direction. The sooner they were out of sight, off this ship, the better. “Behave yourselves,” he said firmly. “This is Commander Cody doing me a favor, not you two getting ‘kidnapped.’ No shenanigans.”


“But they’re going to be up to shenanigans,” Fives protested. It was very nearly a whine.


“No, they’re all going to be kept very, very busy while I comb the GAR for another medic.” Rex looked grimly determined. “And tomorrow morning I’m going to let the rest of Domino and whomever else wants in to destroy them in Murderball.”


Echo’s entire mood visibly lightened. “I’m looking forward to hearing about that, sir,” he said cheerfully. “We’ll be on our best behavior.”


“Rex tell Jesse I am putting everything on Domino,” Fives burst out. Echo grabbed his arm and towed him the rest of the way to their ship. Fives twisted in his grip to continue shouting at Rex, much to Echo’s consternation. “And there had better be footage!”


Notes:

Mando'a:

miit'nuhun: pun. Literally "word joke." Created by SailorSol.
vod: brother
di'kut: idiot
Shebse: Asses/Assholes. Rex's cadet squad name. (Soft Wars-specific)

Temporary Duty Yonder (TDY) is actually A Real Thing in the US Armed Forces. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temporary_duty_assignment

Chapter 2: Murderball

Summary:

Exactly what it says on the tin.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text


Priority Alert


Rex: Bly your squad is criminally bad at Murderball.


Priority Response


Bly: They're not my squad


Priority Response


Rex: I looked up the numbers of their ship and it used to be registered to your battalion so they're yours


Priority Response


Rex: and they are so. bad. at Murderball.


Priority Response


Wolffe: Why are they playing Murderball? I thought you needed the specialists?


Priority Response


Rex: I needed a medic and got three medics and ten other assorted idiots


Priority Response


Rex: Which is exactly the number of idiots required for a team in Murderball


Priority Response


Doom: I thought you needed a medic because you are still fighting this war. You know. The one we are in.


Priority Response


Rex: We're between fronts at the moment.


Priority Response


Rex: The 327th is officially demoted to "Worst at Murderball" by association.


Priority Response


Gree: ...Wait they stole a ship from Bly?


Priority Response


Bly: The general assigned them a ship


Priority Response


Bly: It's hideous, Ponds, you'd love it


Priority Response


Rex: The Handbasket really is an ugly ship.


Priority Response


Neyo: They named it THE HANDBASKET


Priority Response


Ponds: Rex I need pictures


Priority Response


Rex: Please stand by.


Priority Response


Neyo: When do I get a turn with this squad?


Priority Response


Bacara: You don’t.


Priority Response


Bly: Rex no don’t send him pictures


Priority Response


Ponds: ...Oh no.


Priority Response


Wolffe: NO.


Priority Response


Bly: Don’t you say it


Priority Response


Cody: Ponds NO


Priority Response


Ponds: It’s CUTE


Priority Response


Ponds: They used my colors!


Priority Response


Bly: Lightning’s color is brown and the Handbasket is definitely not brown.


Priority Response


Ponds: Not Lightning’s colors, my colors


Priority Response


Wolffe: You mean All of the colors


Priority Response


Ponds: Yes, exactly.


Priority Response


Ponds: Cody. I love them. They’re mine now.


Priority Response


Doom: I give up.


Priority Response


Bacara: Unprofessional.


Priority Response


Cody: Ponds. Also, I agree with Rex. The 327th is officially demoted to Worst at Murderball. Now all hands stand down.


Priority Response


Bly: WHAT


Priority Alert Deactivated


General Alert


Bly: Cody WHAT


General Response


Cody: Rex has footage. He’s right- your squad is terrible. As they spend the majority of their time as an attachment to the 327th, that makes the 327th Worst at Murderball.


General Response


Ponds: REX I NEED THAT VIDEO IMMEDIATELY


Notes:

Mando'a:

miit'nuhun: pun. Literally "word joke." Created by SailorSol.
vod: brother
di'kut: idiot
Shebse: Asses/Assholes. Rex's cadet squad name. (Soft Wars-specific)

Series this work belongs to: