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If Lance had learned one thing from his Mama growing up, it’s how to carry himself. He’s seen his mom, through hell and high water, hold her chin high. Though his horrible father, through their immigration, her subpar job, through his siblings terrible choices. He was the youngest, a witness to all the horrible things that happened, and his Mama always carried herself with grace.
He remembers her sitting him down one day, after his father was gone for good.
“You must hold yourself up, no one else can, not even me.” She explained, holding his hand, trying not to sound as choked up as she was. “Work hard, mijo, not for me, but for you.”
He didn’t get it then, trying to comfort her as he thought of what she could mean. Did she plan to leave him? He tightened the hug, Lance held himself up. He did what he could to show his mom he was strong, capable, and independent. To make sure she had no reason to leave him. Through elementary, middle, and eventually highschool.
The Garrison was his dream school, Mama knew that, but he had no intention of going. He needed to be here for his mom, he needed to make sure she was okay. That she had someone she could depend on. He knew it was an unhealthy attachment, that it went past being a ‘mama’s boy’ but he needed to be sure.
So when she had applied for him in secret, and he got accepted, he felt bittersweet about the joyous smile on her face.
“Take care of her.” He threatened his siblings before he left, his glare icy. He loved them all to death, but he saw the havoc they caused growing up, and he did not want her going through that heartache again. Luis teased him for being the golden child, earning him a hard kick for it. “I mean it.”
“Take care of her.” He threatened the new boyfriend on their first meeting. He knew he was good, his mom told him all about Rico on their weekly calls, the Garrison policy on phones was too strict. Rico just smiled at him, promising Lance that he would.
“She talks about you a lot.” He hummed, sipping coffee. “Never mentioned how intimidating you could be.” He laughed, not fazed by Lance’s glare, in fact, pleased with it. “Though your siblings did warn me.”
Rico had asked Lance’s permission to marry his Mama. He had walked her down the aisle on their wedding day.
Moving even further away from his mom was like ripping his heart from his chest a third time. The Garrison was far, but he could visit as often as possible, but when he was offered a spot in Altea University space program; a program he only applied to since his friends were, feeling he had no chance of getting in; he was torn. He waited until the last minute to accept because he didn’t want to move further away from her.
“Do you remember what I told you when you were younger?” His mom asked, another late night phone call. She had been spending every minute trying to convince him to go.
“Huh?” He rubbed his eyes, needing to look away from his laptop screen for a few seconds.
“I told you to work hard for yourself.” She reminded him. “I would never forgive you if you pass this up.”
“But, Ma-“
“No buts. Live for yourself Lance.”
Lance was frowning. He didn’t want to move to another country – well, he did, but he didn’t. “It’s so far, mom.”
“And? We have facetime, Rachel showed me how to do it. I can see you whenever I want.”
“But-“
“No buts! Lance Alejandro Ortiz McClain!”
“Okay, alright, Mama. You’re right.” He placated. He hadn’t heard her that angry at him since elementary school and it was scaring him.
“That’s not what I mean, Lance...”
“I know, Mama, I know.” He sighed, both taking a moment to calm down. “Thank you.”
Moving again was even harder. He took a month off before just to spend time with his mom and help on the farm. That might have made it worse, but knowing he couldn’t tell when the next time he saw his family was, he would spend every last second he could with them. But the day drew closer the more anxious he got.
“Is everything okay with Dad, right? He is treating you well?”
“No one’s causing you trouble? I can talk to them before I leave?”
“You aren’t being contacted by your old job, right?”
“Lance, mijo, I can take care of myself.” She sighed, annoyed with all the questions.
“I know.” He replied. “I know, but…I want to make sure.”
She glanced back at him, letting out a soft sigh before taking a seat next to her son. “What’s this about, mijo? I haven’t seen you this anxious in a long time.”
He gripped his mug, staring at the tea sitting in it. “…I can’t be there for you.” He said, sounding pained. “What if you need me and I can’t come? What if something happens and I…” He stopped, feeling himself tear up. He had to be strong, he had to be graceful, he had to be like his mom. He can’t cry.
Rosa scooted closer, wrapping him up into a warm bone crushing hug. “Lance, sweetheart, I know you’ll always be there for me.” She kissed his temple. “I was blessed with you as my son, and I know you’re who I can always count on, but you need to live your life for you, mijo. Not me.”
He sniffled, pressing the balls of his hands to his eyes. “I know, Mama…I know…I love you.”
“I love you too.”
___
“What do you want me to say then, Keith!” He screamed, allowing his tears to fall freely in front of the other for the first time. It’s been months of this quiet relationship, this fear to move forward and now Keith, doing what he did best, was barreling head first in, crashing into Lance carefully crafted walls. Both showing their raw selves, and how emotionally inept they were. “I’m scared! Scared you are going to hate the real me! Scared that when I show you, you’re going to leave! That I’m not good enough and you’ll realize that!” He panted, wiping his nose. He was never supposed to let someone see him like this, he was never supposed to fall in love.
“I won’t.” Keith promised, with the same amount of certainty and determination as he put into everything, even though there was no way he knew that for a fact. “I won’t.” He said again, feeling Lance didn’t believe him. He stepped closer, and when Lance didn’t move away, he took both of his hands. “I love you, and I’ll still love you, no matter what I see…”
“…if you say so.”
___
Two years later is when Lance finally decided to introduce Keith to his family. When he saw the beaming smile Keith had when Lance had asked him to come home with him for Christmas, he felt a little bad. Lance wasn’t ashamed of their relationship, Keith was amazing and honestly, he still didn’t know how he managed to get such a man to love him. That’s probably why he had been so scared, but Keith was patient with him, showed his love, and Lance did the same anyway he could.
He brought Keith home that Christmas, and proudly showed him off.
Everyone was kind to him. Keith did his best, even if he did stumble with his words, especially around the nieces and nephews, but they treated him like part of the family.
Except for Mama. She picked, she questioned, she pursed her lips and left long pauses after each of Keith’s answers.
It hurt him, it hurt them both. Keith said it was fine that she would warm up to him, but as the week went on, the thicker the tension got and Lance had enough. Rico reminded him that she was doing it out of love, she was concerned about her baby. His siblings commented that they never saw her like that towards anything that had to do with Lance, never even questioned their partners like that.That almost made it hurt more
.
“Mama…” He started, holding his tea. He hated this, he didn’t want to do this, to feel any resentment towards his Mama but…he loved Keith just as much as he did her. He took a deep breath. “I need you to stop picking on Keith.”
“What?”
“I don’t know why you are doing it, and I trust you have your reasons, but that’s enough.”
“He doesn’t’ seem-“
“He is more than enough.” Lance cut her off. “He loves me more than anything. He treats me right, he helps me hold myself up. I love him, I want to marry him, I want a family with him.” He looked her in the eyes. “Treat him kindly, because I’m going to be with him for the rest of my life.
She paused, staring back at him, before slowly taking a sip of her coffee.
“Okay.” She hummed, smiling a little to herself. “I’m glad you finally grew some balls.” Lance gasped, face bright as he stuttered out a reminder about her language.