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"Who would've thought that your fun-sized body would weigh so much?"
Chuuya froze for a solid second before he stepped away from the scale like the object had burnt him. He looked back, surprise morphing into hostility as he glared at the brunet.
"You're an overweight puppy!" His partner exclaimed happily.
"These are all muscles, you lanky piece of shit!" Chuuya retaliated, shoving the 17 years old - a bit harder than necessary - aside to stomp out of the room. Once he's far enough from the infirmary, Chuuya slowed his steps.
You're an overweight puppy .
He rested his back on the nearest wall, fist clenching before he then rounded his arms around his body; hugging himself.
Gnawing on his lower lips, Chuuya tried to put a name to what he was feeling but he couldn't.
Was he feeling anger because Dazai insulted his weight? Because he was called a dog? No, that's not quite it- it was a feeling he had never felt before, one that pricked on his conscience unpleasantly and made him feel.. small and unsure of himself.
Chuuya later learnt the name of that feeling : insecurity. And he didn't like it one bit.
"Boy, why haven't you eaten much?"
Chuuya shrugged. "I don't feel like it." He said, sipping on his wine instead while Kouyou looked at him with scrutinizing eyes. Uncomfortable, he stood up to leave.
"Where are you going?"
"I have a feeling some annoying mummy will pop up at any second." He said simply and made his escape.
True to his words, Dazai came up not long after, claiming that he wanted to take his dog out for a walk to which Kouyou shrugged her shoulders at, bringing her teacup to her lips and telling him that Chuuya had just left.
"Chuuya's so heavy~ Can't he just use his power to fly or something? My arms are gonna break~!" 18 years old Dazai complained, a worn out redhead in his arms, as he was tasked to carry him back to the car. Despite his exhaustion, Chuuya struggled in his hold, using every ounce of energy left to push the brunet away. "Chuuya, bad doggy!"
The ginger ignored him and thankfully, he was still able to summon enough power to lift himself up and into the car, ignoring Dazai's continuous complaints as he followed closely behind. Chuuya lost his consciousness once the door was closed.
It was their last mission together before Dazai defected and Chuuya was left, betrayed and hurt in one way too many. Still, among many others, your body weight so much, overweight, heavy those words etched deep within him; couldn't be ignored nor be rid of no matter how much he tried.
From then on, Chuuya would politely decline any lunch or dinner invitation offered and when he was forced to attend some, he would merely sip on his wine while trying to be as natural as he could, talking loudly and acting drunk to hide the grumbling of his stomach.
Kouyou, of course, was the first one to notice but Chuuya simply waved her off.
It was 4 years later that they reunited, in the underground prison, and Dazai had mentioned : " You haven't changed at all. " And sure, he hadn't shown any kind of reaction that would seem out of character but Chuuya's stomach twisted in distaste. That night, when he got home, Chuuya threw up his modest lunch and didn't bother with dinner.
Things between them started to change after the night where he used Corruption for the first time in forever. He somehow ended in his own flat instead of the office's infirmary, his fluffy blanket tucked under his chin and when he tried to move around, his body ached badly to the point he let out a broken groan.
What Chuuya didn't expect was to find the very person who wasn't supposed to be there.
"Little doggy is awake." Dazai announced, holding in his hand, a tray filled with something; which smells made Chuuya extremely hungry yet nauseous at the same time.
"Why-?"
The brunet shushed him, arranging pillows behind his back and pulling the mafioso up. Chuuya hissed, pain shooting everywhere on his limbs and he glared at Dazai, a silent demand for his question to be answered.
But of course, Dazai was immune to his glare, stirring on the clear soup instead and lifting a spoonful in front of Chuuya's face.
"Open up." He said, blowing on the liquid to cool it down.
The ginger looked at him in shock, eyes darting from Dazai's expectant face to the spoonful of soup offered to him. He gulped.
"Should I act out a train for you to eat it? Chuuya's such a kid, geez." Dazai protested, beginning to make a choo-choo noise.
"Oh, shut up!" Chuuya growled gasping when Dazai pushed the spoon into his mouth, forcing Chuuya to swallow the soup and choking him in the process.
The petite redhead coughed violently, Dazai's apologies fell on deaf ears, and he was offered a glass of water; he chugged it down and glared daggers at the detective with all the malice he could afford.
"If only you'd be a good boy and eat." Dazai reasoned, already showing Chuuya the second spoonful of the clear broth but now, there was a small piece of what looked like a chicken meat in it.
Chuuya glanced at the meat, a bit unsure, but opened his mouth easier this time. The third spoon was filled with more meat and some carrots in it; it took Chuuya awhile but he let himself be fed. He couldn't even look at the fourth without feeling a bile rising. "I'm done." He said, wiggling his way until he's laying on his back again.
"You barely eat half of it."
"I'm full." Chuuya muttered, twisting - despite the pain all over his body - so that his back was facing Dazai.
"How will Chibi grow if he didn't even eat?"
Chuuya scoffed. "I did already, didn't I? Now get out of my house and leave me alone."
The brunet sighed. "Not even a thank you? I'll leave it here and Chuuya can eat it if he feels hungry." If Dazai heard the growling of Chuuya's stomach, he didn't say anything. "I'll be in the living room if you need anything."
"I told you to leave the house!"
"Yeah, yeah. Rest, Chuuya."
As soon as the door clicked shut, Chuuya crawled out of his bed, desperately trying to reach his bathroom quickly so he could empty his stomach.
Like any other day, he felt disgusting.
Chuuya didn't even touch the soup or any other food Dazai brought to him in his 5 days long recovery stage.
Around 8 months later, when Dazai and he had somehow patched and fixed things up -even taking their relationship to the next level- , only then did Dazai brought it up.
The brunet had found Chuuya who was weighing himself in the bathroom. He had creeped behind him to wrap his arms around his lover's body, another attempt of his so many pranks, but he gasped when he saw the digits, an unhealthy 45 kilogrammes. Surprised, Chuuya jumped off the scale and Dazai, looking at the detective with big, alarmed eyes.
"I-" He started unsurely, looking everywhere but at Dazai.
Chuuya flinched when Dazai grabbed a hold of his gloved hands, pulling him out of the bathroom and onto his bed. "Let's have a talk."
The ginger grimaced at that. "Can we not?"
"I think it's time, Chuuya." His lover began to peel Chuuya's gloves off, throwing them onto the floor carelessly and he held up the now free skin onto his lips; kissing them tenderly. "I started to notice something was strange after you passed out post Corruption. I became sure of my suspicions when I took care of you and Ane-san further confirmed it."
The redhead was fidgety, biting on his lower lips.
"You'd only eat a little to nothing when we have lunch or dinner together and whenever you finish eating, you'd excuse yourself to the bathroom to throw it all up."
You also refused to take baths together, even when we made love you are adamant to stay clothed, you never flaunt about the muscles you were so proud about and you didn't drink so much of the wine you love anymore.
But Dazai swallowed everything and said instead : "What I want to know is since when and why?"
Even now, Chuuya felt like he was about to throw up and he tensed when he felt Dazai's lips against his knuckles again. "Tell me, please?" His tone was almost begging and Chuuya was surprised at that. "I'm worried about you, Chuuya."
The redhead inhaled. "When we're 17." He started, breathe shaky.
"That long ago?"
"You.."
Dazai tried to hide his surprise only to fail miserably. " I ?"
"You asked how someone of my size can weigh so much and called me an overweight puppy." The ginger said with his eyes closed, failing to see as horror dawned on Dazai's face. "Then, when you had to carry me after our mission at 18, you told me I was heavy."
Chuuya gasped as he was suddenly pressed against a warm body, Dazai cursing softly into his ear while muttering apologies.
"Fuck, Chibi, I'm sorry. Fuck, I didn't mean to- Oh my god. I swear to God, I didn't mean every of those things I said, it was supposed to be a part of our stupid banter- Dear God, I'm so sorry Chuuya." The brunet whispered those into his ears, holding him tightly. "You're perfect, angel." He added softly but his tone firm as he buried Chuuya's face onto his neck.
Chuuya himself let his arms wrap around Dazai's torso, holding him just as tight.
"I'm sorry." The brunet repeated, mentally punching himself because fuck, he had no idea he is the cause of this. "What can I do for you?" He sighed shakily, pressing his forehead against the bone of Chuuya's shoulders.
The redhead stayed quiet, relishing in the embrace of his lover as he threaded his fingers through Dazai's hair.
"Chuuya." The younger one called after a few moments of silence.
"Hm?"
"Will you.." Dazai seemed unsure of what to say, a very rare moment, but Chuuya didn't mock him or anything instead he waited for him to finish his sentence, though he must say he had an idea of what he's about to say. "Will you get help?"
Chuuya slowly cupped Dazai's face, studying the expression he was making : shame, guilt, sorry and he kissed him slowly. Of course his lover responded, cradling the back of his head as he pressed back against him; pushing Chuuya to lay on his back.
"Are you ashamed?" Chuuya asked quietly when they parted ways.
"Of myself? Yes. Of you? Never." Dazai mouthed his jaw, suckling on the skin there. Never did it occured in his mind that he would be the cause of Chuuya's insecurity. He never thought Chuuya would be so affected by his stupid, playful words that was supposed to be a joke. He realized that Chuuya is not as strong as he looks like, not all unaffected and immune to insults. He's fragile , like any other human beings. Dazai tightened his hold as he kissed down his neck.
"You're beautiful." He sighed, running a hand through Chuuya's clothed waist and, now that he knew the reason behind his distress, almost grimaced at the bones he could feel poking. Dazai let his hand linger on the hem of Chuuya's oversized shirt. "Can I?"
In panic, the redhead held onto his hand before it could travel underneath or lift his shirt up. "No, please." He almost whimpered and Dazai nodded, immediately getting rid of the idea and focused on peppering kisses on the exposed body parts instead, whispering apologies and words of endearments in between.
"I.." Chuuya started and Dazai stopped, looking up from where he was sucking hickies on the smaller one's slender neck. "I will.. get help." And Chuuya could feel his face burning up when he saw the expression Dazai made then; a soft smile so genuine that it made his chest squeeze almost painfully. "But, it probably won't be easy. So you better be patient." He added.
"I know. I'll be with you, okay? Through every single step."
Chuuya nodded, searching for Dazai's hand to hold and the younger one kissed the back of his hand, a silent encouragement that made Chuuya smile, eyes crinkling into crescents and fluttering close when Dazai pressed his lips against his lids.
"I love you." The brunet whispered, he felt the need to say and repeat those words until Chuuya gained back his confidence, until he fell in love with what Dazai fell in love with; give him all the validation and security he craved. "I love you, Chuuya."
"Stop it, it's creeping me out."
"Because it's truly what I feel and I want you to see it, to feel it with every fiber of your being." Chuuya blushed deeply at that, brushing away the hair that had fallen and covered the reddish brown eyes he'd learnt to love over the years. "You're beautiful."
The redhead giggled. " You are beautiful."
Dazai answered with a laugh. "For Chibi to compliment me? How rare."
"I don't say it a lot but I do think you're good looking, shitty Osamu."
"And I say this a lot but I don't think you agree with me so I'll say this over and over until Chuuya thinks so too. You're beautiful."
Chuuya whined softly, embarrassed and overwhelmed at the love and affection showered upon him. He pulled Dazai down enough until he could hide his face on the nook of his neck. "Shut up."
"I love you."
"You're making me feel embarrassed."
"I'm just saying what I'm feeling. I love you."
"Will you stop?"
"Never."
Chuuya groaned, weakly punching the brunet that is his lover. "I love you too, idiot."