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At three-fifteen, the gates of St Maria’s Grammar School for Boys opened and hundreds of students came spilling out onto the street, ready to walk home or catch the bus after a long day of learning. With the start of summer and the end of term, there was always a buzz in the air, an excitement that came with the knowledge that after getting through exams, there would be six long weeks of freedom before school started back up in September.
Jean walked home with Connie every day without fail. They took the route past the girls’ school to meet with Sasha, which left Jean fifteen minutes in the wrong direction, but he didn’t mind much. At the end of the day, Jean was always glad to be out of school so he could finally breathe some fresh air, escaping the old stone buildings that seemed to trap the heat in. With it being so close to the end of term, it was hot, stiflingly so, and having to wear black uniforms all day only made the humidity even worse. Jean walked with his tie pulled down, top button undone, and his blazer slung over his shoulder.
“It’s way too warm,” he complained, as he and Connie made their way down the street. “I really hate this heat.”
“I know you do,” Connie said, looking down at his phone as they walked. “You never stop whining about it.”
“Well, it sucks. If it stays this hot, I’ll have to spend the whole summer at home in front of the fan.”
“Let’s go get ice cream,” Connie suggested. “I want to get one for Sasha anyway.”
“Ooh, I bet you do,” Jean teased, nudging him in the side, playfully bothering him about his crush. He leaned over, and saw that he was texting her. “We’re literally just down the road from her! Can you not wait five minutes before you both start flirting with each other?”
“Shut up, Jean,” Connie said, blushing. “She’s asking for food, not flirting with me.”
“It’s Sasha,” Jean said. “Food is her everything.”
On their route, there was a small corner shop that was usually full to bursting with students. The owner had put in place one in, one out rule that largely went ignored. It was always crowded inside, and Jean wasn’t surprised to see Armin waiting on the pavement outside while presumably, Eren went in. Those two always walked home together. Jean knew because they took the same route past the girls’ school that he and Connie did.
Jean handed Connie a pound coin, deciding against going in. It was rare to see Armin without Eren around, and he didn’t much feel like going in anyway.
“Can you get me a coke?” He asked.
“Sure,” Connie said, pocketing the money as they crossed the street. “See you in a minute!”
Jean watched as Connie disappeared into the shop, and he leaned against the wall where Armin was waiting, engrossed in a book. He wanted to see if he’d notice him, but he seemed lost in what he was reading. After a few moments passed, he huffed and leaned over to steal the book from his hands.
“Hey,” Jean grinned, holding the book up high so Armin couldn’t reach it. Armin looked unimpressed.
“Very funny,” Armin said. Jean felt his stomach tighten up when he looked at his face. “Give it back.”
“Are you not hot?” Jean asked, ignoring his request. Armin was still wearing his blazer, and the top button of his shirt was still done up. He had a pride pin right next to his prefect badge. Jean teased him all the time, but never for that.
“No, it’s nice out,” Armin said. “Can I have my book back now?”
Jean read over the cover; it was some fantasy novel he’d never heard of.
“You must be cold-blooded,” he said as he passed it back to him. “It’s boiling. I hate this weather.”
“I know,” Armin said as he scanned through the book to find the page he was on. He pulled a bookmark out of his blazer pocket and put the book back in his satchel before Jean could steal it again. “You were complaining about it all the way through Biology.”
“Aww, you were listening to me?”
“You’re so loud, it’s hard not to,” Armin murmured, and it made Jean laugh.
Armin was the only openly gay person in their entire year. Jean remembered the confusion he’d felt when Armin came out back in second form, and how he’d noticed him all the time from then on. He never knew how to start a conversation properly without being annoying or teasing him, and it was hard to even get close when Armin stuck to Eren like glue, and Jean and Eren despised each other.
Jean went to say something, but he didn’t even have time to open his mouth before Eren pushed past him. He handed Armin a drink and turned around to glare at Jean.
“Fuck off, Jean,” he snapped. “Leave him alone, he doesn’t want to talk to you.”
“How do you know?” Jean argued. “You never give him a chance to talk! We were having a nice conversation before you got out here.”
They narrowed their eyes at each other, and Jean felt jealousy squirming in his gut. They had always been so close, and it was frustrating - he wanted to get to know Armin, but it was impossible when he clung on so tight to Eren. He hated considering the possibility that Armin had a crush on him, but they were always together, and it was hard to not jump to that conclusion.
“Eren,” Armin said, putting his hand on his friend’s shoulder and pulling him back. “Let’s go. Mikasa’s probably waiting for us.”
“Yeah,” Eren huffed, agreeing.
Jean watched them turn off down the street together, feeling bitter and more than a little jealous. What was Eren’s problem with him, anyway? Sure, he was annoying, and rude, and he went out of his way to piss him off, but Eren did the same to him!
“No,” he muttered to himself, rolling his eyes. “That’s exactly why.”
Jean knew his feelings towards Armin weren’t exactly… normal. If he was honest with himself, he knew it was something like a crush. Everything about the way he felt confused him, though, and it became harder to ignore every single day. Why him? Why the one person that hung around his enemy almost constantly, who he barely spoke to, who was quiet and unassuming and everything that was the opposite of him?
“What’s up with you?” Connie asked when he came back outside.
“Just Jaeger being an asshole,” Jean lied as he took the drink. “Thanks.”
“No problem,” Connie grinned. “What was he doing?”
“Being himself,” Jean laughed, and Connie joined in as they walked down the street to the girls’ school a little way behind Eren and Armin.
Jean kept getting distracted by the little things Armin did, like how he let his hand brush across each post of the fence as he walked, or how he looked up at the sky to let the sun touch his face. It made it look like his hair was glowing and Jean couldn’t stop himself from going red as he watched.
The girls were all milling around outside. Jean and Connie saw Sasha straight away; with her dyed hair, she was hard to miss. She was leaning against the wall, chatting to the aloof-looking girl Jean knew as Mikasa, Eren and Armin’s friend. Jean just hoped Eren wasn’t going to be rude to Sasha, because if he was, he’d have to punch him.
“Hey, guys!” Sasha called, grabbing Mikasa by the hand and running over to them. Her eyes lit up when she saw the ice cream Connie was holding, and she took it from him right away. “Aw, is this for me?”
“You would have taken it anyway,” Connie laughed. Jean pretended that he didn’t notice how much he was blushing. “But yeah, it’s for you.”
“Thanks!” Sasha beamed at him. Jean felt a twinge of envy when he watched them together; it was so obvious how they felt about one another. He wanted something like that.
Mikasa was looking over at Eren and Armin, who hadn’t noticed her standing with them yet.
“Armin!” He called loudly. “She’s over here!”
Mikasa looked up at Jean, embarrassed as he called their friends over. Neither of them noticed the way Armin’s eyes widened with shock as they looked at each other.
“Oi!” Eren stormed over, pulling Mikasa back away from Jean and glaring fiercely at him. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“He wasn’t doing anything, Eren,” Armin said quietly. He put his hand on Eren’s shoulder. “He was just letting us know where Mikasa was.”
“Sasha dragged me away,” Mikasa explained quietly.
“Alright, fine,” Eren said, though he was still glaring at Jean, which pissed him off. Why did he always have such a bone to pick with him, always thinking the worst?
“Why do you always assume I’m out to get your friends?” He snapped.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” Eren snapped right back. “You’re always being a dick to Armin, why would Mikasa be any different?”
“Since when am I a dick to Armin?” Jean yelled. “You’re way too overprotective of him! You treat him like a kid!”
“How do I - that makes no sense!” Eren exclaimed, stepping forwards like he was going to lunge at Jean, but Mikasa held him back.
“Stop it,” she told him, “you’re going to get into trouble.”
“I’m not trying to bully him,” Jean glared. “You just think I’m an asshole.”
“You are an asshole!”
“To you , maybe! Not to him!”
“You were just out there trying to pick on him!”
“No I wasn’t! I was just trying to talk to him, but you think I’m some kind of bully -”
“I didn’t say that -”
“Stop it, both of you!” Armin interrupted, getting in between them. “Eren, Mikasa. Why don’t you two go on ahead?”
“And leave you with him?”
“I can handle myself, Eren,” Armin said. He sounded a little hurt and that only made Jean even more annoyed.
A moment passed where Eren looked like he might blow up on them, but eventually, he just rolled his eyes, and sighed.
“Fine,” he relented. He looked at Mikasa’s hand before grabbing it, which caused her to let out a noise of pure surprise. “But if you do anything to him, I’m going to beat the shit out of you.”
“You could try,” Jean muttered under his breath.
“What was that?”
“It was nothing,” Armin said quickly, putting his hand on Eren’s shoulder and shooting a glare at Jean. For someone normally so shy about eye contact, he was looking at him directly, and Jean had to look away to stop himself from blushing so much. Sasha and Connie were bickering over what remained of Connie’s ice cream after Sasha had already finished hers, completely oblivious to the argument going on beside them.
“Whatever,” Eren said, shooting one last glare at Jean before leading Mikasa away.
“Hey!” Sasha said, finally noticing something was going on. “Where are those two lovebirds going?”
“Home, I’m guessing,” Jean said, feeling even more sweaty than he had before, and a little nervous, too. He hated admitting it, but when Armin was around, he always felt his heart speeding up.
“Are you walking back with us, Armin?” Connie asked.
“Sure,” Armin smiled, and Jean felt his mouth go completely dry. Had Armin ever smiled at him like that? How could he make him do that?
They set off, walking their usual route down the street. The pavement was too narrow for more than two people to walk side-by-side, so they walked in pairs, Sasha and Connie going ahead a little, still bickering like an old married couple, while Jean and Armin walked in silence. Jean had no idea what to say, which wasn’t normal for him. He felt incredibly awkward while Armin looked perfectly content with the quiet, walking with his face up to the sky like he did with Eren. Jean stared at his feet so he wouldn’t get caught admiring him.
He didn’t want to fuck up this chance he had at being alone with Armin, didn’t want to be annoying like he normally was. He didn’t really know how to approach Armin without teasing him - anything else felt way too awkward and unnatural. What could he say? Ask him about his hobbies? He knew his hobbies; Armin read all the time, and he also liked to fold little paper cranes at lunchtime. Jean always liked to watch the way his hands moved as they folded the paper. But telling him that would be fucking creepy!
“Are you alright?” Armin asked.
“What?” Jean blurted out. He’d heard him perfectly fine, he was just startled. The blush on his cheeks darkened when he looked at him again.
“I asked if you-”
“I’m fine!” Jean insisted quickly.
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
Another minute of silence went by.
“You know,” Armin said, looking up at him, “you should try being nicer to Eren. He’s not so bad.”
“Not so bad?” Jean asked incredulously. “He threatened to beat me up!”
“He’s just protective, Jean.”
Jean liked the sound of Armin speaking his name far too much.
“He’s overprotective,” he muttered darkly, looking away.
“Maybe a little bit,” Armin laughed, and his voice sounded as soft as ever. “But it’s just because he cares.”
“He’s still annoying as shit.”
“Just give it a try, please? It’s exhausting having to defend you all the time.”
“Why should I try to - wait, what?”
Had he heard that right? Armin defended him? Why on earth would he do that?
“I-” Armin started, going to explain, but he was interrupted as Sasha turned around, walking backwards.
“We’re going to go into town and get food,” she grinned. “Do you guys want to come?”
“I was actually going to go to the park,” Armin smiled, gracefully turning her down. “It’s so nice out, I wanted to make the most of it.”
“That’s too bad, but next time, alright?” Sasha grinned back. “Jean?”
“I’m not about to third wheel with you guys,” Jean said, raising an eyebrow at Sasha, and she almost fell over with embarrassment.
“Jean!” She said, hitting him with her bag. “Shut up! It’s not like that.”
“Sure it’s not,” Jean teased. What he’d said was true - he did feel a little like a third wheel with them sometimes, not that he held it against them. It was obvious that they were going to get together at any moment - Jean just didn’t want to get in the way, that was all.
“You’re awful.”
“Maybe, but you love me,” Jean teased. “Though not as much as you-”
“Shut up!” Sasha squeaked, hitting him again. Connie looked absolutely dumbfounded, and Jean was surprised to see that Armin was laughing.
They reached the end of the street where Connie and Sasha went to turn left.
“Jean, don’t let Eren kill you,” Sasha said, standing on her tiptoes to hug him.
“He couldn’t even if he tried,” Jean said. He lifted her off the ground a little as he hugged her back. “Have fun, guys.”
“I’m going to!” Sasha exclaimed. “Connie’s paying!”
“Wait, what?” Connie said, and Jean laughed as he waved and turned right with Armin, listening to them bicker as they walked away.
“I assumed they were already together,” Armin murmured.
“They basically are,” Jean said.
“I… know how it feels to be a third wheel,” Armin admitted. “Eren and Mikasa have been dancing around each other for years. It’s hard not to feel left out…”
Jean looked at Armin and felt his stomach tighten up. He’d thought so for years, but this was basically confirmation to him that Armin liked Eren as more than just a friend. Seeing the sad look on his face was enough to piss Jean off. It was bad enough when Eren annoyed him, but he was clearly upsetting Armin, someone he was supposed to call a friend. What a hypocrite, he thought; Eren was the one so concerned about Jean hurting Armin when he was doing it himself all along.
“Is that why you told them to go on ahead?” He asked, making a big deal of messing with his tie so he didn’t look at Armin. The insecure part of himself he normally shoved down so he couldn’t hear it was reminding him that he was probably just a replacement. There was no way he wanted Armin to see that side of him.
“Not exactly,” Armin said. “Are you… do you want to come to the park with me?”
“Sure, yeah. It’s not like I’ve got anything better to do,” Jean shrugged, but in truth, he couldn’t think of anything he would have wanted more than to spend time alone with Armin like this.
They turned into the park, which was bustling with people enjoying the sun, and walked for a little while. Armin seemed content enough to look at the flowers and walk along the grass. Jean tried not to focus on him, but it was hard.
What was so special about Eren that he didn’t have? They were just as loud and boisterous as each other. Jean was taller, too, and arguably more handsome. Was it the childhood friends thing? If it was, how was he supposed to compete with that?
“Jean?” Armin’s voice brought Jean out of his thoughts and he realised he had completely zoned out. “You okay?”
“I’m fine!” Jean insisted, moving away from Armin. His face was even redder than it had been before, and he turned away so Armin couldn’t see it.
“You looked a little -”
“I said I was fine,” Jean snapped, and instantly regretted his tone when Armin looked a little taken aback by it. He sighed. “Sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Armin told him.
There was an awkward silence that Jean couldn’t stand for another second - he had to break it.
“So, you won’t get in trouble with Eren for hanging out with me like this?” He asked, sounding a lot more confident than he felt.
“Eren doesn’t control me,” Armin pouted. “I’m not his little sidekick, Jean. I can make my own decisions.”
“You could try telling him that,” Jean muttered, annoyed. “He treats you like a kid.”
“I know,” Armin said. “But that’s just what he’s like. It doesn’t mean he actually wants to control me.”
“Do you go along with it because you like him?” Jean blurted out, and as soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted it.
“What?” Armin exclaimed, stopping dead in his tracks. He looked up at Jean, his eyes shining but narrowed, an expression of total indignance on his face. “No! You - you think I like Eren?”
Jean had never known when to back off.
“You sure as hell act like it!” He doubled down. “You’re always clinging onto him, even when he’s being a dick!”
“Because he’s my friend!” Armin said, his bottom lip sticking out a little because he was angry.
“Yeah, but, you’re - you know, and -”
“What, because I’m gay, you think I can’t have a male friend without wanting to date him?”
“Armin!” Jean hissed, nervous because they were causing a scene and people were looking over. “People can hear you.”
Armin stepped back, hurt on his face. “You have a problem with me being gay, don’t you?”
“What - no! Of course I don’t have a problem with that!”
“You’re sure acting like it!”
“No, Armin, seriously, I don’t - I don’t have a problem with you being gay, I swear,” Jean said, looking around and lowering his voice.
“Are you embarrassed about being seen with me?” Armin asked. His voice wavered as he spoke, and Jean realised he was holding back tears. “Is that it?”
“No! I wouldn’t be here if I was embarrassed of you,” Jean said, his tone a little softer than it was before.
Armin wiped the tears from his eyes; Jean wished he wasn’t such a coward, or he might have walked to him and done it himself.
“I don’t want Eren to be right about you,” he sniffed.
“I’m not trying to bully you,” Jean said, running his hands through his hair, exasperated. “I’m an asshole, sure, but I’m not a bully, and I don’t have a problem with you being gay. I think… I think it was really cool that you came out like that. It was brave.”
Armin looked up at him, shocked, and more tears fell down his cheeks. Jean wanted to slap himself - why could he never say the right thing? Why did he always -
“Thank you,” Armin said, and it was the last thing Jean had expected to hear. He went and sat down on a nearby bench that overlooked the duck pond. Jean followed him, speechless.
“Why?” He asked, once he regained the ability to speak.
“Why what?”
“Why did you thank me?”
Armin paused, fiddling with his sleeve. “Nobody’s ever told me that before. That it was brave, or cool, or anything. At the time, it… it sucked. Everyone made fun of me for it for a while, until it was just accepted. It really angered Eren, and I guess that’s why… he’s so overprotective.”
Oh.
Oh.
Jean really felt like an asshole.
“He thinks I’m homophobic,” Jean said.
“It’s not just that,” Armin sighed, his shoulders sagging.
“What else is it?”
Armin bit his lip and shook his head.
“You don’t want to say?” Jean asked.
“No,” Armin said, and he almost sounded guilty.
“Alright, I won’t make you,” Jean said, looking out at the baby ducklings as they all followed their mother around the pond. It reminded him of that old story his mum used to read to him as a kid. “I… mean it though. What I said about you being brave.”
“You do?”
Jean swallowed and snuck a look at him. If he thought Armin was so brave, he could be too, couldn’t he?
“Yeah,” he said. He could feel his heart beating in his throat, he was so nervous. “I mean, you’re braver than I am, considering… I’ve not done it.”
Armin gasped, and looked up at him in complete shock. It didn’t surprise Jean at all that it clicked instantly for Armin, and he clenched his fists as he waited for him to say something, anything.
“Are you gay?”
Jean swallowed, trying to push down the urge to yell ‘no!’ and brush him off, and instead, he nodded, knowing he wouldn’t be able to speak around the lump that had formed in his throat.
“O-oh,” Armin said, and he laughed like he was relieved. “I thought you might have liked Mikasa…”
“What?! Mikasa? Eren’s girlfriend? God no! What would even make you think that?”
“It just seemed like it… wait.” Armin looked horrified. “Do you like Eren? Is that why you were so worked up about me liking him?”
Jean couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
“ No, I’m going to be sick!” He exclaimed. “For someone so smart, you really are an absolute idiot, Armin. I was asking about that because I like you.”
Oh, shit.
He didn’t mean to say it. It had just come out.
“Anyway!” Jean yelled, standing up and grabbing his bag. There was no way he was waiting around to see Armin’s reaction, not when he knew how horribly awkward it was going to be. “I’m going home!”
“Jean, wait!”
Armin caught Jean by the wrist and stopped him in his tracks. The feeling in Jean’s chest exploded at the contact, and he turned to look at Armin. He really was gorgeous. Seeing him like this - of course it was him he’d fallen for, even when they were so different.
“Are you making fun of me?” Armin asked.
“Are you making fun of me?” Jean blushed, absolutely mortified that he had come out and confessed in the space of just a few minutes.
“I would never do that,” Armin said, and he let go of Jean’s wrist, seemingly shocked that he was still holding onto it. “Just tell me that wasn’t a joke.”
Part of Jean wanted to. He wanted to tell Armin it was all a joke, that he was straight and just messing around with him, that he did like Eren’s girlfriend. Not because it was true, but because it would have been so much easier than admitting to them both that Jean really did like Armin, and that he had for a while now.
“No, it wasn’t a joke,” he murmured. He couldn’t look him in the eyes. “Just forget about it.”
“Me?” Armin breathed. “Why me? Is it just because I’m the only one who’s also…”
“No,” Jean said firmly. “God, you need to get some confidence for once! I first noticed you when you came out, but that’s not the only reason why I… feel like that. I think you’re brave. You’re a huge nerd, but that’s kind of cool, because you don’t give a shit what anyone thinks. I don’t have the guts to be like that. I like the way you just seem to really like stuff, like this stupid hot weather, and your books, and you - you’re just cute. I wanted to get to know you for ages but I’m a dick and I piss Eren off before he even lets me get close. So… yeah. That’s it.”
Armin stared at him in complete silence for a moment, an expression of utter disbelief on his face, before he burst into laughter.
“I’m sorry!” He laughed, wiping his eyes, and Jean was panicking internally.
“Are you laughing at me?!”
“No!” Armin said quickly. “No, I’m laughing at how ridiculous this is. Eren… Eren didn’t want you to break my heart. That’s why.”
It took Jean a few seconds to understand what Armin meant.
“You mean…”
“I like you, too,” Armin said.
It felt like a punch to the gut, but in a good way. Jean was reeling. Armin liked him too? All this time, he could have just said something, if only Eren hadn’t -
“That bastard!” Jean yelled. “You mean this - this is all Eren’s fault?!”
“Jean, he was just trying to protect me!” Armin said quickly, trying to calm Jean down. “You don’t look - I would have never expected that you’d feel the same.”
His voice softened and became quiet when he said the last part, and Jean felt like he was burning up from the inside out. He couldn’t believe this was real.
“You can’t tell anyone,” Jean said quickly, suddenly a little panicked. “Not that I - I’m not embarrassed of you, I’m just not -”
“It’s okay if you’re not ready to come out,” Armin said, and just his voice comforted Jean. “I’m not going to force you to.”
“Thanks,” Jean breathed. “You’re the first person I’ve told.”
“Not even Connie and Sasha?”
Jean shook his head no. “I didn’t know how to say it.”
“You… could tell them you’re going on a date with me this weekend?”
“But we’re not-”
“I’m asking you out, Jean.”
“O-oh.”
“Is that a no?” Armin winced.
“No!” Jean corrected himself. “No, it’s a yes. Definitely a yes. I’d… really like to go on a date with you.”
“Perfect. We could go to the library…” Armin smiled, and he burst out laughing when Jean pulled a face.
“How about we go see a film?” Jean suggested. “You choose, I’ll pay.”
“Okay. Just… just me and you.”
That thought filled Jean with equal parts nervousness and excitement. “Yeah. No Eren?”
“No Eren,” Armin chuckled.
They started walking together then, and all of a sudden the hot weather seemed like less of a burden to Jean. He had a spring in his step as he walked Armin home, and his cheeks hurt from how much he was smiling. Armin was smiling too.
“I can’t believe you thought I liked Eren,” Armin said as they walked down his street, and Jean caught the side-eye and slight grin on his face.
“You stick to him all the time!” Jean said in his own defence. “It always seemed that way to me.”
“Thanks for walking me home,” Armin smiled when they reached his house. “You’re more of a gentleman than I thought.”
“Shut up,” Jean mumbled, completely embarrassed.
“And… for the record,” Armin said, looking around and reaching up on his tiptoes, “I think you’re much more handsome than Eren.”
Armin kissed him on the cheek and ran up his front garden then into the house before Jean could even say a word. For a few moments after Armin disappeared, Jean touched his bright red cheek where Armin had kissed it, committing the brief feeling to memory before he could forget it.
“Take that, Jaeger,” he mumbled to himself, still blushing, as he turned to walk back home. “I win.”