Chapter Text
David Budd shoved his hands deeper into his pockets as he strolled along the Parisian laneway. The bitter wind blew past his cheeks and underneath his jacket. He shivered slightly as the cold cut through him, and he cursed under his breath at his inability to pack adequately for his short trip to France. He sighed. It wasn’t like it mattered, he guessed. He was going home this afternoon, not having found what he was looking for… who he was looking for. He had instead spent the last week chasing a shadow around an unfamiliar city. Perhaps he should have just stayed at home with the kids, and forgotten the rumors he had heard.
He didn't really know why he had been expecting another outcome. It had been five years, after all.
He checked his watch quickly, his hand finding shelter in his pocket again as quickly as he had pulled it out. He had only a few hours until he was due at the station to catch his train back to London, and he would leave, knowing no more than he did when he arrived. He gives a small sigh of relief as he notices a tiny patisserie in the distance. At least he has time for one last croissant and a cup of coffee. If anything, the coffee will serve to warm his freezing limbs.
The bell on the door jingles as he enters the small space, and the older blonde woman behind the counter smiles brightly. “Bonjour,” she says as she moves to stand behind the register. David smiles back and, with his most basic French language skills, orders his coffee and a croissant and then steps to the side.
He moves his gaze slowly around the room. There are families eating lunch, couples sipping on drinks and laughing… His gaze finally settles on a little girl playing in the corner. If he had to guess, he would say she is about four, and as he stares, he thinks that she reminds him a bit of Ella at that age. The longer he stares, the more he realizes there is something oddly familiar about her as David regards her carefully. She has wild, dark brunette curls and a cherubic round face. She has a small brown bear in her hand as she plays, and David smiles as he notices the bear is wearing a T-shirt with an image of the Scottish flag on the front. The bear was dancing between her hands as ‘he’ climbed up the wall of the patisserie next to an empty table. As if she realised David had been watching her, she looked up at him carefully, blinking at him with round cerulean eyes.
“Hello there,” David said with a kind smile, nodding towards her. The little girl blinks at him once and then twice, but she does not respond before she scampers away, as if David has startled her. Instantly, he feels terrible, assuming he must have scared her. His gaze follows her as she ducks under another patrons legs and races back to her table, her bear still held tightly in one of her little hands, her fingers clenched around one of his ears.
David grabs his to-go cup of coffee and stuffs the pastry bag with his croissant into his pocket. He takes a step toward where the girl disappeared to, hoping against hope that he possesses enough French skills to apologise to the parent he is sure she has raced back to. His heart thunders in his chest as he takes in the sight of the woman at the corner table. She had been sitting quietly in the corner, a red beret perched upon her long, brunette curls, leafing through a newspaper and drinking from a tea cup slowly. She looks up as the girl runs to her side.
“Mama,” the little girl said, tugging on her sweater, obviously unnerved by David.
“Mon Petit Chou,” the woman muttered affectionately as the little girl attached herself to her side. “Charlotte, what’s the matter?” she questioned as she raised her head from her daughter’s face and stared out in the direction where the little girl had come from.
David can barely believe his eyes as she lifts her gaze to meet his, and their eyes lock from across the room, blue catching sight of a familiar hazel.
“Julia,” he whispers under his breath and, as if by their own ability, his feet take him to her.
The little girl, Charlotte , David is sure he heard her say, has climbed into Julia’s lap now and is holding onto her neck tightly as David approaches the table. “He talked to me, Mama.” The little girl is explaining quickly as she turns to eye David warily. “He’s a stranger.”
Julia shakes her head as she kisses the crown of Charlotte’s head, holding her there for just a moment longer than necessary, as she breathes in the scent of French baby shampoo. David stares at them both wordlessly, desperately trying to make his brain function properly. A multitude of thoughts cloud his brain; this small girl... calling Julia her mother... her wild brunette curls and her blue eyes... the age he thought she might be... could it be?
“It’s okay, darling,” Julia reassured her, letting the little girl loose as she strokes one of her hands down the back of Charlotte’s blue checkered dress, patting her softly. “You’re okay. Mama knows this man. He’s not a stranger.”
“You do?” Charlotte whispers as she tilts her head to one side, still regarding David with a puzzled look.
Julia nods.
“Hello, David." She pauses, looking down at the little girl. "Charlotte,” she begins, “why don’t you say hello?”
David watches as she shakes her head from side to side, frowning slightly with a furrowed brow. He decides he needs to take it upon himself to speak first, hoping to put the little girl at ease. He’s always been good with kids. Even before Ella and Charlie came along.
"Hi, Charlotte,” he said. “I'm David."
Charlotte looks him up and down, before she turns her head to look back at Julia unsurely, who nods her head slightly in encouragement.
“Hi, Mon-- Monsi--” she stumbles over the greeting, her little accent unable to make the full word she wants to say. David assumes she is trying to say ‘monsieur.’
Julia strokes her cheek gently.
“It’s okay, Little Love. David isn’t French,” she explains. “You can just call him Mr.”
Charlotte considers her mother’s suggestion for a moment, before she turns back to David and says, "Hi, Mr. David. I'm Charlotte," obviously feeling a bit more confident than she had been a moment before.
Julia smiles proudly as she leans forward, placing a kiss on the tip of Charlotte’s nose.
“Bonne fille,” she praises, before adding, “Why don’t you go and play with Mr. Bear again? I am sure he is still hungry. Mama needs to talk to Mr. David.”
“Okay, Mama,” Charlotte replies as she climbs out of her mother’s lap and down onto the floor, scrambling to her feet. “We will have cake later?” she questions, turning back to look at her mother, and Julia nods in response before she watches the little girl head back to where she had been happily playing earlier.
Julia and David are quietly both watching her. Neither have them have had the courage to speak without the small girl as a distraction from the real conversation they desperately need to have. David turns to look at Julia, and she won't meet his eyes. She knows he's looking at her, she can feel her cheeks heat under his gaze, but she isn't ready to face him yet.
"Stop looking at me like that, David."
Her words are quiet, but they sound enormous in the space between them.
“Stop looking at you like what, Julia?” David scoffs, then softens instantly. Even just saying her name feels strange. “You’re alive. You have a child . And if my math is correct, she could be our child.”
"There's no could be , David. She is ours," her admission takes the wind out of her. She wasn’t sure she would ever be able to say those words to him.
“And you didn’t think I should know this?” He asks, a little sharper than he intended. He sighs, running a palm over his head. He doesn’t want to fight with her, but seeing her again … and seeing their child, he’s suddenly feeling even more overwhelmed than he had expected to be if he found her here in France.
"I wanted to tell you…,” Julia insisted, finally turning to look at him. Pleading with him to believe her. “I did, David, but it was a risk I couldn't take... We live a quiet life here on our own.”
She lowers her voice to almost a whisper, so that David has to move a bit closer to hear her speak.
“I am supposed to be dead,” she reminds him. “ Everyone is supposed to think I'm dead." She gives him a pointed look as if to remind him that he is the last person who should be standing in front of her now.
David doesn't say anything as Charlotte approaches their table again. She speaks directly to David this time, looking up at him curiously.
"Mama has a picture of a man that looks like you," she says after a minute, her eyes narrowed as if David looks familiar to her. Julia's eyes grow wide as she looks from Charlotte to David, being caught red-handed as her daughter spills one of her most precious secrets.
"It’s a picture of my Papa,” Charlotte said, looking over at Julia and then down at the ground. “But he had to go away, and it made her very sad. Sometimes, when she really misses him, she’ll look at his picture and wish he was here with us.”
Julia chewed at her bottom lip, turning to look out the window to avoid David’s gaze. She’s unsure of what she’ll find there.
“What else do you know about your Papa?” David asks curiously, noticing that Julia is avoiding his stare as he kneels down to meet his daughter's eyes.
Charlotte thinks for a moment, toying with the teddy bear in her arms before answering. “That Mama loved him. And he was very brave.”
Julia sucked in a breath in the corner, unable to reign in her emotions as she pressed her fingers to her lips to try to stop the tears from flowing.
"She told me she hopes she'll get to see him again,” Charlotte continues, “but she doesn't know if she can. Isn't that sad?" Julia still won't look at David. She's looking anywhere but at him as Charlotte breaks her serious tone and begins to babble on about something to her teddy bear.
"Look at me," David whispers, still kneeling next to the booth, and she shakes her head stubbornly. "I can't," she finally says, and David can hear the way her voice trembles. He can tell she's crying without even seeing her face.
“Mama?” Charlotte questions, staring at her peculiarly. “Are you okay? Do you need a hug?”
Before Julia can say anything to reassure her daughter, Charlotte has squeezed around the table and climbed into Julia's lap again. She wraps her arms tightly around her neck, and Julia can't help but smile as she brings her arms to hold the girl tightly to her. She leans her nose against Charlotte's head, breathing in her scent and closes her eyes.
"I don't like it when you're sad, Mama," the little voice says in her ear and Julia's eyes meet David's, the tears now flowing freely.
"Don't worry, baby, Mama isn't sad anymore," she tells her, her eyes softening as she stares at David face-to-face for the first time in almost five years.
“I have magic hugs, right, Mama?” Charlotte asks, her tone serious. Julia can’t help but laugh. She had been telling Charlotte that since she was very small. That she had magic hugs that could fix all of Julia’s problems.
Julia’s eyes are still on David as she smiles at the memory. "You do have magic hugs, Little Love," she reassures the little girl. "The best hugs... Just like your Papa. He always knew how to make me feel better, too."
David looks at the empty chair beside Julia and takes his opportunity to sit down next to her, watching Julia speak to their daughter in wonderment. At her mention of him, he feels his heart begin to beat a little faster. He can’t believe he’s here with her. With them. After all this time.
“I have my Papa’s hugs?” Charlotte questions, pulling away from Julia’s neck in surprise. “You never told me that before.”
"You sure do," Julia said, smiling and brushing the little girl's cheek as she beamed up at her Mama brightly. "Why don't you go give Mr. David a hug?" she suggested softly in Charlotte's ear. "I'm sure he could use a magic hug, don't you think?"
Charlotte wrinkled her nose slightly. Her Mama usually kept her well away from other people. But Charlotte gave her a silly little shrug as she sloppily kissed Julia on the chin and climbed from her lap. Moving to stand in front of David, she looked at him carefully.
“Do you need a hug Mr. David?” She questioned suspiciously. “Mama thinks you might…”
Julia giggled as she wiped the slobber off of her chin as she watched Charlotte approach David cautiously. She waited with bated breath, her eyes meeting David's as she gave him another slight nod to encourage him. At her question, David's eyes widened. He couldn't believe this little person in front of him was his daughter. He smiled brightly.
"I would love a hug from you, Miss Charlotte!" He said, somewhat startled by the pair of blue eyes that stared back at him. His eyes. "But only if you want to give me one," he added quickly, not realizing he was holding his breath for the girl's answer.
Charlotte raised one shoulder, as if to indicate it was alright. “You seem nice,” she said happily as she reached out for a handful of David’s shirt, using it to help her climb into his lap. She then threw her arms around his neck and snuggled her head underneath his chin, much like she had with Julia only a few minutes before.
David shifted, helping her up, and his eyes widened as he was taken back to another time of similar hugs from Ella and Charlie.
“Mr. David,” Charlotte said as she tilted her head up to look at him. “You smell nice.”
Julia stifled a laugh at her daughter's compliment. If she remembered correctly, Charlotte was probably right. David probably did smell good.
Watching the two of them together, Julia felt herself soften. There were days she had thought that Charlotte would never even be able to meet David, much less hug him like she was now. She felt herself growing weepy again, and cursed her hormones for how they had changed in the years since she had had a baby. She used to be serious and stoic. Though it seemed appropriate that David Budd's daughter would be the one to change that forever. Just like her Daddy had.
David chuckled, as he tried to think of an appropriate response to the little girl’s comment. “Thank you,” he finally said with a smile. “You do, too.”
Charlotte nodded her head, as if this was the obvious answer.
“Mama washed my hair this morning,” she told him, clutching her bear to her chest. “But she also complained because we are going to the park. And it will get dirty again.”
David nodded solemnly. "Your Mama is probably right," he agreed with a chuckle. "When I used to take my little girl to the park ..." he paused. "Well, she's not so little anymore. Not little like you," he said with a bright smile. "She's 15 now! But when I used to take her to the park, she and her brother would both get very dirty. I would have to give them baths as soon as we got home!" He leaned forward, as if to whisper conspiratorially to Charlotte, but kept his voice where Julia could hear it.
"I bet she's going to have to give you another bath..." he said with a smirk. "But don't tell her I said she was right."
Charlotte giggled and nodded her head. “Okay, Mr. David. I won’t tell. But you should know that my Mama is very clever.” She told him as she wriggled from his lap and back down onto the floor before she reached out for her cup from beside Julia, sipping her juice. And staring curiously between the two adults once more.
Julia laughed at that, unable to stop the edge of her mouth from turning up into a smirk.
“Trust me, baby, Mr. David knows Mama well.” She gave him a sidelong glance, her smirk fading as she grew serious. “Maybe too well, sometimes,” she murmured under her breath. She still couldn’t believe he was really here.
“How do you know, Mr. David, Mama?” Charlotte finally asked, looking between them and noticing the way they were staring at each other, not saying anything. “You look at each other funny.”
“You are very clever, too, I think,” David replied as Charlotte kept moving her head between him and Julia. He didn’t really know what he should say to her. He couldn’t lie to her. She was his daughter... even though he’d only known of her existence for less than fifteen minutes. He was about to try to change the subject when he noticed Julia reach out for Charlotte’s hand, her long fingers closing around the little girls tightly.
“Mama,” Julia began quietly, “knew Mr. David before you were born. When she lived in London.”
Charlotte looked at David. “Is that right?”
For a girl of four, it was obvious that she was very smart. And the more he watched her, the more he recognized Julia’s influence on her. In the way she spoke, in the way she acted … all of it. There was no denying she was the former Home Secretary's child.
David couldn’t help but laugh at the way Charlotte examined him closely, and he recognized the same look he had seen in Julia on many occasions. “Aye,” he said softly. “Your mama was my boss, Charlotte!” He said, his eyes wide. “Can you believe that?”
Julia smirked as she looked up at David as Charlotte climbed into her lap again, leaning back against Julia, her head resting on her chest. Her eyes were beginning to droop slightly. “Mr. David was a very difficult employee,” she said lowly, not missing the spark of something she thought that might have passed between them in that moment.
Charlotte giggled as she held tightly onto Julia’s hand. “I see,” she said proudly and she sounded far more grown up than she could ever possibly be.
“Your mama was also difficult,” David explained as he met Julia’s gaze. “She did not make things easy for me.”
Julia couldn’t help but laugh, feeling her cheeks flush under David's gaze. “We worked it out though,” she finally said, smiling at David. “It’s good to see you, David,” she said, resting her cheek against Charlotte’s head as the little girl yawned loudly.
“Mama... can Mr. David come to the park with us?” Charlotte asked, blinking sleepily up at Julia.
“ May he come to the park with us,” Julia corrected. Charlotte sighed dramatically, reminding Julia so much of David that she had to cover her laugh with her hand. “I don’t know, little love, you’ll have to ask him if he’d like to come.”
Charlotte turned her attention back to David. “Will you, Mr. David?”
David had to stop himself from being over exuberant with his answer. If he had his way, he would never let the pair of them leave his sight again. “I would love to,” he answered with a large smile. “I just have to make a phone call.”
Julia’s eyes flicked up to meet his and he shook his head. He could tell she was nervous. That there was a part of her that didn’t trust him being so close to her once again. He couldn’t blame her after the way things had ended before, though he resisted the urge to remind her that was neither of their doing.
“I just have to cancel a train ticket,” he said, staring at Julia unabashedly as she took in his words.
“I like trains, Mr. David.” Charlotte interrupted, her eyes fluttering closed and then popping open again as Julia continued to rock her slowly back and forth in her lap. Charlotte could fight sleep with the best of them. David smiled at the sight.
“Me too,” he told her with a whisper, before he spoke towards Julia. “I was meant to be going home this afternoon. I won’t be doing that now.”
“David, if you need to go ... I understand,” she protested. She could hardly lay claim to him now. Not after all this time. No matter how much she wanted to. He still had his two children at home. And then there was the matter of Vicky. The last Julia had heard, David had been seen out with his wife and kids often since she had ... gone away. She wouldn’t be able to bear it if he messed all of that up for her ... well, them . But then again, the idea of David getting to spend time with Charlotte for the first time made her feel rather emotional, and she swallowed hard.
“Are you going to stay here with us, Mr. David?!” Charlotte asked, suddenly excited, and Julia felt her heart pick up speed in her chest as they both waited for his answer.
David nodded as he reached out to pat Charlotte’s hand, his thumb grazing one of Julia’s fingers as he did so. “It has been too long since I have been to a park.” He answered truthfully. “Do you like the swings, Charlotte?”
Charlotte beamed up at him.
“They are my favourite! Mama, tell Mr. David.”
Julia laughed at her daughter’s enthusiasm. “I think you just did.”
“Ella used to like the swings,” David said with a grin. “She doesn’t like them as much now though. She’s too grown up for them.”
Julia stared at David carefully. if there was ever a time to ask about his life back in London, it was now. Before she, and Charlotte especially, became too attached. She stared down at David’s fingers which were still touching Charlotte’s hand. He wore no ring. But that didn’t mean anything. She sucked in a little breath for courage.
“How are your children? Other than too big for the park, I mean… How’s Vicky?” She added casually, blinking carefully as she waited for his answer.
David saw through her casual demeanor instantly and watched as her gaze slid back to his left hand. “Ella and Charlie are fine,” he answered truthfully. “Teenagers now. And growing like weeds, both of them,” David said laughing. “You’ll barely recognize them.”
He pulled his phone from his pocket and pulled up a picture of Ella and Charlie together from a recent trip they had all taken to Scotland to visit his parents. Julia gasped at the sight of the 15- and 13-year-old. “My, they are big!” She said smiling and shaking her head.
She let her gaze focus on Charlie’s features for a bit longer. Charlotte looked a good bit like her half-brother. She was still looking down at the phone when David spoke again. “Vicky is doing well. She was promoted at the hospital...” he trailed off, weighing his words carefully and Julia felt her heart drop as he hesitated. “We’re co-parenting the kids the best way we know how,” he finally said, offering her a little smile.
“She’s getting on pretty serious with a doctor bloke. I think they’ll be engaged before the year is up.”
Julia let the words hang between them in the air for a moment, reflecting on what he was implying.
“You’re ... not married anymore?” She felt like she could barely breathe.
David couldn’t help the smile that came over his features as he looked down at her, his hand brushing gently against her face. “No, Julia,” he said softly. “I’m not married anymore.” Julia swallowed hard as she leaned into his touch, trying to will a fresh set of tears away.
“We’ve been officially divorced for about a year and a half now, but still apart for much longer,” David continued as his thumb traced along Julia’s cheek. He could see how her eyes had begun to well up once more and he hated the idea of her crying again.
Julia nodded, trying to calm herself. “And you’re okay?” She questioned softly.
David smiled at her reassuringly. “Aye,” he said simply, “I am. It’s better this way. For everyone. Vicky and I, we didn’t work together anymore... It didn’t make sense.”
Julia reached up, placing her hand over David’s gently, unable to hold back a single tear from the overwhelming feeling. She closed her eyes, leaning into his palm. She was relieved to find that his hands still felt the same. David’s eyes softened as he stared down at Julia for a moment before his gaze slid over to Charlotte, who was clutching her bear tightly to her chest as she dozed in Julia’s lap. David watched the regular rise and fall of her chest as Charlotte breathed in and out, his eyes returning to Julia in awe. “We have a child...” he said quietly, shaking his head. “I can’t believe it. She’s perfect, Julia.”
“She is.” Julia answered with a nod. “I never expected her. I never even knew how much I wanted her until she was here,” she admitted as another tear escaped her eye. She had barely been well enough to walk four steps when her doctors had told her that she was pregnant and that miraculously, despite her extensive list of injuries, she and David’s baby had survived and was thriving.
“You're a good mother.” David said quietly as Julia shook her head with a little chuckle.
“Not in the beginning I wasn’t,” she admits. “She is a stubborn little thing. Never wanted to sleep.”
David smirked, “She takes after you then.”
Julia rolled her eyes at his statement before she chuckled.
“Fuck off,” she teased with a smirk, looking down to make sure Charlotte was still sleeping. She was relieved to find her daughter still dozing steadily. “I didn’t know she existed, David ...” she said, growing serious. “Maybe if I had ... I would have rethought my appearance at St. Matthew’s. And some of the choices that I made. Things would have been completely different.”
She looked up at him, smiling sadly. “I’m sorry you’ve lost so much time with her,” she apologized. “She’s an amazing little girl. Full of life ... full of you,” she said, smiling as she brushed a curl from Charlotte’s face as the girl shifted in her sleep. “There are days I look at her, and you are all that I can see,” she admitted. “When I saw you across the cafe this morning, I thought I had dreamed you up all on my own,” she admitted shyly. Realizing she had been the only one speaking for a long period of time, she bit down on her bottom lip.
“Sorry,” she apologized again. “I just feel like there is so much to say... didn’t you have a train ticket to look into?”
David shook his head. “We both should have done some things differently,” he admitted as he recalled leaving the green room at St. Mathews having barely said a word in response when she had told him she still wanted him around despite his behaviour the previous night. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to say anything, it was that he didn’t know what to say. He had all but expected to be removed from her detail and that she would go on with her political aspirations and never look back. He had never expected her to say what she had. And then she had been gone before he knew it. He went to stand. “You’ll still be here when I come back?” he questioned softly, only half joking. “You aren’t a mirage that’s just going to disappear?”
“We will be here,” Julia replied softly, her fingers reaching out for his. “I promise.”