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Tsukishiro Yukito opened his eyes to find his best friend and the love of his life Kinomoto Touya sitting by the windowsill, watching him as he slept.
Touya smiled when he saw Yukito’s eyes were open, and Yukito could only smile wryly, sleepily, back. This was what had woken him, he knew. Touya’s absence from his side, being further away than an arm’s reach.
“Hey,” he murmured, reaching out, and Touya was beside him before he’d even managed to sit up, wrapping warm arms around him, resting his chin on top of Yukito’s soft dark hair. Yukito snuggled closer contentedly, resting his cheek against one strong shoulder and closing his eyes again.
It was almost funny, really. The last night they’d spent together, it had been the other way around, Yukito watching Touya sleep. It was almost like they took turns doing this, watching the other sleep, guarding their rest, as if something still threatened them, some unseen force conspiring to keep them apart. In the sunlight they knew better. They knew Sakura had triumphed, her powers growing daily, and she was more than a match for any magical threat. In the sunlight they could laugh, daring Fate. But there was just something about the moonlight that was unsettling, worrying. Something in the way the night wind whispered, the way the shadows moved, that made them wary, kept them on guard. Some nights Yukito was almost glad of it. It reminded him never to be complacent, to never take this life, this gift, for granted.
Touya had it harder, Yukito knew. On those nights, Yukito had never woken to find Touya gone. Touya couldn’t say the same.
Which wasn’t to say Yukito wasn’t acutely aware of the possibility.
Ordinarily Yukito would have been happy enough to stay where he was, to fall back to sleep as Touya held him. But Touya had been preoccupied with something all night, even before they’d gone to bed, and knowing Touya’s moods inside and out, Yukito knew this wasn’t one of those times he could just tease the taller boy into confiding in him. He’d have to wait until Touya was ready.
He smiled to himself. That didn’t mean he couldn’t help things along, though.
“I’m hungry,” he complained, softly. “And I can hear that leftover sukiyaki calling me to come and eat it.” Touya laughed, allowing him to pull away from his arms. “And I could use some tea, too. You want some?” Yukito asked. “Maybe some milk to help you go back to sleep?”
Touya shook his head, smiling. “I’ll come and keep you company, though.”
In the kitchen Touya took charge, as always, sitting Yukito down while he heated up both the leftover sukiyaki and the water for the tea. Yukito let him, knowing it wasn’t Touya’s nature to just sit around while there was work to be done. Besides, he enjoyed watching Touya. The way he moved gracefully, competently, even in the cramped space of Yukito’s kitchen, the strong clean lines of his profile, the look of intense concentration even on a task so mundane as boiling water...
The way Touya scowled at him, embarrassed, when he caught Yukito staring.
Yukito grinned. Dear sweet adorable Touya, utterly oblivious to his own charms.
Touya set down the reheated sukiyaki and tea in front of him, then sat across from him with cup of tea of his own, just to be polite. Yukito took a pair of chopsticks from the container in the center of the table and began digging into the sukiyaki. He’d lost that urgent consuming hunger but he still had quite an appetite.
Yukito waited until he was halfway through the bowl before beginning his seemingly casual questioning. “Worried about the Finals?” he queried, softly. Their Final Exams were a mere week away. That was why Touya was with him now, instead of asleep in his own bed in the Kinomoto household, Touya’s standard excuse for these increasingly more frequent overnight stays at Yukito’s house. It wasn’t a lie, of course. Touya would never go so far as to lie to his father. They did spend a lot of time studying. That they did other things besides studying was something Touya’s father didn’t really have to know.
“A little,” Touya answered, but he sounded far away, still preoccupied by his thoughts.
“Good,” Yukito replied, cheerfully, “because that would just be silly. You have nothing to worry about.”
It was the truth. Touya would have no trouble with the Finals, or anything that came after. In fact, with Touya’s grades and extra-curricular achievements, the glowing references from half a dozen teachers, and more than double that from former employers, Touya was already a shoo-in into any University in the country. Any University _anywhere,_ probably. Their teachers had all pushed Touya to apply to the best schools, and Touya, ever courteous to his elders, had agreed and completed all the forms they had shoved at him. Now offers and acceptances were coming in from all over, even from abroad. Yukito knew, too, that Touya’s grandfather had spoken to Kinomoto-sensei and offered to help with Touya’s tuition and expenses, should it be necessary. Kinomoto-sensei would probably have preferred to reject the offer off-hand but he was too good a man, too good a father, to let pride stand in the way of his son’s future.
So no, Touya had nothing to worry about.
It was Yukito, actually, who had legitimate cause to be this side shy short of utterly panic-stricken.
Touya had always maintained Yukito was human, despite the circumstances of his existence. It was amazing how human Yukito felt these days, besieged by emotions he’d never had to deal with before. Pettiness. Selfishness. Terror at the thought of being left behind, of being alone.
Touya was Yukito’s life, his world. This was a fact, both irrefutable and unchangeable. But Yukito wasn’t Touya’s. Yukito knew that, had always known that. Touya had a home. A family. And Touya had a future as bright and shining as he chose to make it.
Yukito, on the other hand...
He didn’t show his fear, of course. Yukito was dead set on following Kinomoto-sensei’s example, to let nothing stand in the way of Touya’s future. A whole world was opening up to Touya, and Yukito was determined to be supportive, no matter what it cost him. No one deserved it more.
Long ago, back when he was still a lot better at Ignoring Things and Pretending Normalcy, Yukito had taken it for granted that he and Touya would go to the same college together, continue to be best friends. Yukito hadn’t cared or even considered what career to pursue. All he’d cared about was that he be able to stay near Touya. Back then, the most practical option for Touya had been to study in the same University that his father taught at, taking advantage of its proximity and the accompanying discount in tuition, and continue to live at home, at least until he graduated. That plan had worked very well for Yukito, and he hadn’t planned further than that, for other possibilities. He’d been excellent at that, at disregarding things that didn’t have to do with the here and now. He hadn’t cared that the rest of the world didn’t make sense, that the pieces didn’t quite fit. All the rest had faded away in Touya’s presence. He’d been quite content to let it.
But things had changed, relentless and inevitable. Some for the better. Touya presence here, for example, the quiet, constant love shining from his eyes... Yukito wouldn’t have exchanged that for anything.
He only wished he wasn’t so terrified of being without it.
Back then, back when he was still blissfully oblivious to his true nature, he’d imagined that if Touya went away, chose to go to some far-off college, he would find the means to follow.
That was impossible now, of course. Yue, his other half, the True Form, was the Moon Guardian, bound both to Sakura and the Cards she held. Yukito might have tried getting around that, but something inside him said it was out of the question. Yue didn’t often materialize these days, but Yukito was beginning to recognize and understand certain internal nudges and twinges as originating from his Other Self.
In the days since learning the truth about his being, Yukito had come to realize that he had messed up Clow Reed’s intricate machinations by falling in love with Touya. Had he fallen in love with Sakura, everything would have fallen neatly into place, and there wouldn’t have been any problems. As it was Yukito doubted that even the almost-omniscient Clow Reed had made plans past Sakura claiming and changing the Cards, or made concessions for any deviation in his master plan.
Much in the same way as he himself, Yukito admitted, had never made any plans beyond being with Touya. He had never thought about the future, even considered a future without Touya.
Now, however, the possibility loomed before him, darker than the emptiness that had almost consumed him before Touya had given Yue his Power. Despite his fears, however, Yukito refused to do more than hope Touya would decide to stay in Tomoeda. He didn’t doubt that Touya loved him, but he knew that Touya had to do what was best for him, pursue the course that would make him the most happy. Touya had such potential, he could achieve anything, be anything. Everyone agreed that he should take full advantage of the opportunities that were being presented.
If Touya did decide to go, Yukito would simply wait for his return. That was all there was to it.
He sighed, quietly, a little forlornly, looking around at the kitchen around him. If Touya left, he’d be alone, really alone, and this old house would be lonelier than ever. Yukito still had fragments of those manufactured memories, courtesy of Clow Reed, and sometimes he found himself fiercely missing his never-real grandparents. How much would he miss Touya, he wondered, when -- _if_ -- he left?
“I had a talk with Dad today,” Touya said, quietly, breaking into Yukito’s thoughts.
“About college?” Yukito asked, deciding it was good that they were finally talking about it. His gaze was drawn to the windowsill, moonlight shining through brightly, not quite overpowered by the fluorescent lights of the kitchen. There was something about the moonlight, he thought again. The deciding moments in his short life all seemed to be bathed in moonlight.
“Yeah.” Touya said. “See, me and Dad, we always had a set plan for college. But that’s all changed now.”
Yukito nodded encouragingly, even as his heart fell. If Touya’s plans had changed, that didn’t bode very well for him. But what he wanted wasn’t important. What mattered was what Touya wanted, what would make him happy.
“He’s a little annoyed at me, actually,” Touya continued, smiling wryly and wincing slightly at the memory. That caught Yukito’s attention. Kinomoto Fujitaka was the most doting of fathers, the most amiable man of Yukito’s acquaintance. It would take a lot to annoy him, especially at his son.
“Annoyed at you?” Yuki repeated, curiously. “What do you mean?”
Touya actually looked embarrassed. “He said he had no idea he was raising such a chauvinist for a son.”
Yukito blinked. “You?” That did not make any sense. Touya was a gentleman through and through, and beyond that the sweetest most thoughtful person imaginable. “A chauvinist?”
“Yeah. He was right, too.”
Yukito’s forehead furrowed. He genuinely baffled now. “You lost me.”
Touya laughed. “I shouldn’t tell you,” he said, grinning. “It’s bad enough I’ve totally destroyed my image with Dad, I don’t want you mad at me, too.”
Yukito finished the noodles and reached for his tea. “I could never be mad at you, To-ya,” he murmured over the rim of the cup. “You know that.”
“Oh, it’s happened once or twice,” Touya pointed out. Yukito raised an eyebrow at that and Touya’s grin became wider. “See?” he teased. “You’re getting mad already.”
For some reason Touya found it amusing to discover that Yukito actually had a temper, despite his usually sweet nature. He’d only lost it once, but Touya seemed to find inordinate pleasure in teasing him about it. Payback for all those times he’d called Touya a grouch, no doubt.
The only time Yukito had ever truly been mad at Touya was when the other boy had so arbitrarily chosen to give Yue his power. Touya had the best of intentions, Yukito knew, and it only illustrated how much he cared about Yukito, but Yukito still wished he hadn’t done it. He could only hope Touya would never live to regret that gift.
If Touya was worrying, Yukito reasoned, even if only in the slightest sense, that he might get mad, and if Kinomoto-sensei had gotten annoyed, then the conversation that had taken place was certainly something major.
He had to smile back at the way Touya was grinning at him, though. Although he seemed a little worried, Yukito could sense that underneath the preoccupation Touya was really happy with his decision. So if Touya was only worrying about Yukito’s reaction, Yukito was determined to be thrilled with it, too, whatever it was. “You don’t want me mad,” he said, agreeably. “I might bite.”
“Really?” Touya looked interested.
“Or I might not,” Yukito continued, waving his hand airily. He threw Touya a loaded glance, now openly returning his teasing. “It all depends on my motivation.”
Touya grinned back, responding to the challenge by standing and starting towards Yukito with obvious intent.
Yukito resisted only briefly, before letting Touya drag him back to the bedroom, back into his arms. He was so used to this now, this place of safety, of warmth, of contentment. He had no idea how he was going to survive without it. When Touya pushed him back down on the bed, he was tempted to just give in, postpone their discussion for another day. If Touya was making other plans for his future, then there wouldn’t be many more moments like this, many more chances for them to be together. At least not for a long time. Maybe Yukito could just concentrate on their being together for now. Maybe he didn’t have to start dreading the future right at that moment. “Your dad’s right,” he grumbled, softly, good-naturedly, as Touya grinned smugly, possessively down at him. “You _are_ a chauvinist.” Touya merely laughed and kissed him on the nose, before lying down beside him and pulling him back into his arms. “And you’re pushy, too.”
“He’ll be pleased to know you agree.” Touya grinned, resting his forehead against Yukito’s. “I have to admit, though,” he said, suddenly serious once more, “that for a minute there I was worried.”
“Worried about what?” Yukito asked, brushing dark hair away from Touya’s eyes. “You know that your Dad will support you whatever you decide. And so will I.”
“Glad to hear it.” He tightened his arms around Yukito. “I told him that, but he was right. I should have asked you first.”
Yukito was confused again. “Asked me about what?”
“I mean,” Touya continued, as if he hadn’t heard Yukito’s question. “I thought... Maybe an apartment. But we can’t really afford one yet, at least not a nice one, since college is going to take up all my savings, and more. And I don’t really know how it works, with you being the Moon Guardian, and all, but I’m pretty sure Clow Reed didn’t leave you a bottomless trust fund.” Now that he’d begun talking it all seemed to come out in a rush. “And no offense, I love this place, but it’s getting a bit run down. I’m pretty sure there are snakes in your garden. I’m not that fond of snakes, really. So Dad and I thought, maybe, we could go back to the original plan, but with modifications. That way we can save money, and we can still look out for Sakura, and—”
Yukito had never heard so many words come out all at once from his usually stoic and close-mouthed beloved. Touya was almost babbling, and Yukito couldn’t make any sense of the things he was saying. “To-ya?” he interjected, softly. “You’re not making any sense. And you’re making me really nervous.”
- Touya looked embarrassed again. And a little... shy?
“I’m nervous, too,” he admitted. He tried to smile. “For what it’s worth, Dad and Sakura were all for it. They were probably even more excited about it. At least until they realized that I was such an idiot. They’re right, I was being utterly presumptuous, and taking you for granted, and—”
He halted as Yukito put a hand over his mouth, stilling the outpouring of words. Yukito was certain he’d stopped breathing. “Asked me what?” he asked, very quietly, almost afraid to hear the words Touya would say next.
Touya took a deep breath. “I’m messing this up so badly, aren’t I? I mean, it’s entirely possible you might not want to move. Or that you’re not ready. Or even that you don’t want me around all the time, but... I really am sorry. But Yuki, I am completely incapable of planning my life without you, you know that. I can’t stand the thought of you here alone. And it’s driving me crazy, not being with you. I just don’t want to do it anymore. Dad said we could have the basement. It’s bigger and it has its own bathroom. More private. I don’t think it’s necessary, but if you want, we can even turn it into a separate apartment, with it’s own entrance and kitchen. We can work on it during weekends. And over the break. Dad plans to move his office into my room. He does most of his work at his office in the University anyway. And when we start at the University we can carpool with Dad to school in the mornings. And Dad says he can find jobs for us as teachers aides, or maybe research assistants, and—”
Once more, Yukito had to physically stop him from continuing so he could get in a word edgewise. “To-ya...” Yukito’s heart was pounding so loudly a normal person would have been worried. “To-ya, are you... Are you asking me to move in with you?”
Touya nodded, blushing fiercely. “Yuki, I love you. I want us to be together.” He laughed again, a little self-consciously. “Dad said that he knew it was only a matter of time before we wanted a place of our own, but that unless we really had our hearts set on an apartment we should just consider you moving in with us, at least until we graduate. He said otherwise I probably wouldn’t be able to feed you. If we remembered to eat at all, that is. I said I really didn’t know what you thought, since I hadn’t exactly discussed it with you yet. That’s what annoyed him, you know. He said I should have asked you first, talked to _you_ first. He said I couldn’t go around making plans and taking for granted that you’d just go along with them. Said he didn’t raise me to be so inconsiderate to the people I love. And said he wouldn’t be surprised if you decided to have nothing to do with me. Sakura was absolutely disgusted with me. Said you were far too good for me.” He grinned, wryly. “I told her she was right, but—”
“Your dad agreed?” he interrupted again, overwhelmed and touched beyond belief. “He wants me to move in with you? Sakura-chan, too?” He hadn’t thought that Touya had told his Father about their relationship, much less that Kinomoto-sensei would _approve._ And Sakura-chan...
“Well,” Touya said, smiling at him tenderly. “Not as much as I do.”
Yukito’s head was whirling, but that was nothing compared to the emotions churning in his breast. Touya wasn’t leaving. He was staying in Tomoeda. More than that, Touya wanted them to live together. With Kinomoto-sensei and Sakura-chan. He wanted them to _be_ together. He was making _plans._ For _them._
Together.
He reached out, cradling Touya’s beloved face between gentle, trembling hands. “How do you do that?” he asked, huskily, unshed tears filling his eyes, emotions crowding his throat. “How do you keep finding more and more to give?”
Touya’s smile was heartbreakingly tender. “Does that mean yes?” He reached out, wiping away the single tear that escaped from Yukito’s eyes as he nodded. Funny thing, that, thought Yukito, because crying was the last thing he felt like doing. “Because Dad would disown me if I messed this up. And Sakura would never speak to me again. Not to mention that stuffed bear would probably try to eat me.” He kissed Yukito sweetly. “You’re already part of the family anyway,” Touya added simply, absolutely clueless as to how much his words meant to Yukito. “We all love you. We might as well make it official.” He glanced at the clock at the bedside table. “We should try and get some more sleep,” he said. “We’ll call Dad and Sakura first thing in the morning, before we go to school. I can ask Sakura to empty out half my closet when she gets home. After school we can come back here and pack up some of your clothes and your things.”
Yukito was surprised. “So soon?” he asked.
Touya grinned again, lazily, almost sleepily. “Well, I don’t know about you, but I really don’t want to spend another night away from you if I can help it. Besides,” he continued, now grinning wickedly, “Finals are next week. We need to get a lot of, ahem, studying done.”
Yukito laughed and settled contentedly in Touya’s arms. He should protest, maybe, for the sake of propriety. They still had a week of high school left, after all. And they had a lot of details to iron out.
But Touya was right. Yukito didn’t really want to spend another night apart either, if it could be helped.
He wanted their life together to start as soon as possible, too.
Later, when he knew Touya had fallen back to sleep, he opened his eyes and stared unabashedly at his beloved’s sleeping face. His turn, he thought. To watch Touya. To stand in awe of this miracle, at this wondrous presence in his life.
Touya.
That night, all those nights ago, Touya had given all his power to Yue. Freely, whole-heartedly, and then he’d turned right around and given that heart to Yukito. Yukito wouldn’t have believed there was anything else Touya could give him that could even stand in the shadow of that gift.
He should have known better. This was Touya, after all.
Yukito smiled.
It was funny. It was incredible.
Mere minutes ago he had nothing.
Now...
Now he had a home, a real one. Now he had a family. And he had a future.
Imagine, he thought.
All that, and Touya, too.
The End
Copyright JCSA 2003
4/9/03 6:55:38 PM