Chapter Text
Glasses—empty and full—claimed every free spot on the table Genma was at. To celebrate his birthday, he had invited a few friends to celebrate at their local bar. After catching up with friendly chats, Asuma had dug out a stack of cards and suggested they would make the night more interesting.
Genma knew that with his luck this week, he shouldn’t have joined in. As it were, he had ended up with the most cards after their third game of riding the bus to hell.
The bastard didn’t even look apologetic when Genma had to ride the bus from the start for the fucking fifth time.
“In between or outside?”
Genma stared at his seven of clovers and his nine of diamonds. “Outside.”
When Asuma smacked the seven of clubs on the table, Genma was ready to smack that card too.
“Of course it’s a fucking seven of clubs,” he muttered.
(Other people would unanimously agree that Genma yelled it.)
“Back to the start you go!”
Whether it was because Kakashi wanted to be a jackass to everybody at the table or because Kakashi took pity on him, Kakashi swiped all of the cards off the table.
(Asuma was decidedly distracted because he yelled, “This is my nice stack of cards!” before diving under the table.)
Kakashi took the vacated seat. “You seem to be in an unusually foul mood. Did something happen?”
“Only every day for the past week or so.”
Since Kakashi paid no interest in his misfortunes, Genma felt inclined to punch him with it anyway.
“I’ve had to call the cops four times this week and the second time I did, I saw one of the cops write my name down as Vigilante Complex.”
“That’s–” Kakashi pushed his full shot glass away–“interesting. Why would they say you have a vigilante complex?”
Even though Genma had had plenty to drink already, he reached for another one. “Because for the second time in a row I called the police to tell them to pick up the trash they left behind, only to learn they didn’t tie them up.”
Genma ignored the bemused look that crossed Kakashi’s face.
(Kakashi could only wonder why the cops didn’t take Genma’s name as Garbage Master.)
“The thing is, the police were looking for every single one of those pricks.”
“I’m sure the police were very happy when you showed them the packaging of missing donuts,” Kakashi said seriously.
(Not that Genma is a good judge of anything at the moment. He wasn’t exaggerating when he said his luck this week was shit.)
“Not packaging, dumbass, criminals! Why else would someone get the nickname Vigilante Complex?”
“Because you dressed up as Batman?” Anko grinned.
To let his comeback sink in, Genma took his time.
(Everyone else knew it was the booze that caused the delay.)
“Yeah, and you’re dressed like a pineapple.”
“Are the police looking for vigilantes or something?” Kakashi cut in before Genma or Anko could start a verbal throwdown.
At that moment, Asuma triumphantly returned from underneath the other side of the table with his “nice” cards and started pulling Kurenai, Shizune, Raidou, Gai and Anko into a game of Toepen. It was a mercy that Genma was kept out of it for one round.
“How do you even accidentally find criminals on four different occasions?” Kakashi prompted, seemingly bored now that Asuma has cut Kakashi off from playing after the mistreatment of the cards.
“I don’t know, man.”
“How many are we talking about?”
(Genma missed how Kakashi had stopped sipping any drink.)
“Seven people? When I called the cops because this person was handcuffed to my balcony–”
“A balcony, huh?”
Genma didn’t care that Kakashi wasn’t paying any attention and only repeating stuff to create the illusion that he was listening. Shizune had laughed in his face every time he brought it up and Kakashi, godbless, didn’t say, “That sounds like a great story to tell at parties.”
“My balcony. I looked forward to a day of doing absolutely nothing and then a criminal crashed into my life to ruin it.”
“In my opinion, that should be a crime.”
Genma looked Kakashi straight in the eyes as he took a big gulp of his beer. “You’re laughing now, but just wait until they get you.”
The grin Kakashi gave him was false. “Until who gets me?”
“You know who.” After a dramatic pause, Genma set his beer glass down. “The vigilantes wearing complete black and animal inspired masks.”
Kakashi’s reaction wasn’t the same as Shizune’s had been, but it could have been. “Can’t say I’ve heard of them.”
“You can’t hear them,” Genma said, “because they are as silent as the night.”
It was only for a split second, but in Genma’s alcoholic clarity, he could feel that he had reeled Kakashi in.
“Legend has it–”
“For the third time, Genma, it’s not a legend!” Shizune said with the same veracity she used as she rapped the table.
The only reason Genma didn’t sulk was because she gave him a cheeky wink.
“Every time I found those people tied up, there was no one who could have tied them up. All but one time.”
“Who did you see?”
“Three people. Two with light hair and one with a hood on. I blinked once and they were parkouring up the wall like some monkey. They’d be even better at climbing a tree than a monkey.”
Genma’s attention slipped as Shizune cried out in victory. Whereas he had had a week filled with bad luck and accidents and a lot of people staring at him as if he had stepped right out of a cartoon, Shizune had been on a roll this week.
That was a good thing, because Genma wouldn’t know how he could have survived all this without her support. Even if she laughed at him half of the time he talked about it. Kakashi had been silent for too long to continue the conversation, but like anything time-related, he ignored social conventions. “Are you sure it wasn’t your imagination?”
Genma nearly knocked an empty glass over but grabbed a hold of it before it could hit the table. Lady misfortune: zero. Genma: one. “I’m not creative enough to dream up that shit. Besides, I have things they left behind at the scenes but the cops wouldn’t do anything with.”
Reaching for his bag, Genma felt betrayed that it was on the other side next to the table. If he had had a beer or two less to drink, he would have remembered to just get up and seize it. For now, he settled for taking another sip of beer out of frustration.
Kakashi stared at the table for some reason. Perhaps Kakashi was contemplating what he would do if three vigilantes dropped bound criminals at his feet tonight.
(In reality, Kakashi was staring at something other than the table.)
It was a few seconds or a few hours, but Kakashi pulled out his phone and started typing.
With a roll of his eyes, Genma started paying attention to his girlfriend beating everyone else of their party of friends.
Nobody paid any attention to Kakashi as his phone rang and he excused himself for a second and nobody was surprised when Kakashi didn’t return to the party.
(He still liked to push the bill on other people, after all.)
An hour later, Genma and Shizune got ready to head home. Genma grabbed his bag from under the table and got up while Shizune laughed and joked again about attracting people with bad luck. If it were any other week, Genma would not have had to think back to this evening.
As he would find out the following morning, the bag he grabbed was not his own. The only words he could muster early in the morning as he stared forlornly at the bag that did not hold his phone was, “Why me?”